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You related to the Phantom at that point.
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I'm Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things.
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I had this beautiful wedding and I had this wonderful husband, and now I have breast cancer.
Cancer will stop you right in your tracks.
My first question was, am I going to die?
And my second question was, is all of my hair going to fall out?
My oncologist did say to me you're not gonna be able to carry a baby, but I still believe I will be a mom.
You brought everyone in your community on that journey with you.
So many people have become inspired by it.
So many people have become saved by it.
This is my purpose.
Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier and more healed.
Today's guest is someone that i've been really looking forward to having in the seat.
I really believe that on purpose was created to document and share and introduce you to stories like these that hopefully help inspire your own journey, help and support you in your difficult times and give you a sense of meaning and purpose when things around you seem extremely challenging.
Today, I'm joined by Bridget Ball, an entrepreneur and the founder of the fashion brand The Bar.
Bridget has also built a powerful online community where she shares openly about faith, relationships and her life.
Over the past year, Bridget's life took an unexpected turn when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Since then, Bridget has continued to share her journey with honesty and resilience, speaking about how experiences like this can reshape what truly matters.
Please welcome to On Purpose, Bridget.
Bridget, it is such a joy to have you here.
I've been looking forward to this for so long.
I want to first of all say how grateful I am that you made the trip over here.
You just mentioned to me as we were walking here this is one of the first times you've really been out of your home.
I'm so thankful and appreciate you so deeply for coming.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh.
Thank you.
I feel so cool that you wanted to have me here.
Yeah.
So thank you for getting me out of the house and pushing me a little bit, because I do believe that we can help people.
And Yeah, I'll get more comfortable, don't worry.
You're doing great, you're doing great.
You always have the best energy.
When we met last time, it was like you just effortlessly create such a safe space for everyone around you.
I wanted to ask you, for those who may be meeting you for the first time, who are hopefully in my community, learning about you today, how would you describe this chapter of your life and where you are right now?
I'm really trying to unpack everything that's happened in the past 15 months of being diagnosed with breast cancer chemo, radiation surgery, all of those things.
And I think I was just so insanely sick for most of the time, especially during the chemotherapy portion of it, that I wasn't really present or unpacking any of it then.
You're really in survival mode.
It's day by day.
You're like trying to get through to the next moment.
You know, I used to say like day by day.
And at one point someone said to me, hour by hour, like you're that sick.
So I feel like I'm unpacking a lot of it now.
So I'm definitely really raw right now.
It's not like this thing that I've had years to reflect on and see how this has all changed.
Like this is kind of happening now live in real time every day.
And it's, it's really beautiful.
And like, I don't know, like there's just so many good things that came out of this.
Like it's kind of crazy to think about.
I really admire you, Jay, and like what you do and you really change people's lives.
And before this, you know I had a fashion career.
Before I was on Instagram and And I've been an influencer.
You know before that I was a fashion PR girl.
I saw you went to the Saint Laurent show recently.
I did PR at Saint Laurent for years.
I lived the whole double wears Prada life.
I've had, I feel like I've had a few fashion lives and I feel like Everything was really like that movie in the sense where it was like belts and like crying and drama.
And I really appreciate the discipline and everything I learned from that chapter of my life.
But I never really knew that I would have an opportunity to save someone's life or speak out about something so relevant in women's health that I could really change someone's life or save someone's life, which people have wrote me and said like wow Bridget, I went in, I got checked because I've been watching your Instagram and I have breast cancer, but I have stage one and I'm not going to have to go to chemotherapy anymore.
And so I just feel really like honored.
And I feel like to whom much is given, much is expected.
So I feel like I'm just trying to really honor the moment and do the best I can.
And I'm really excited to meet some of the people and the women I've talked to.
And one thing I remember, like walking into chemo and like I really I found this quote and I really try to live by it now.
But it's what's the best thing that can happen?
So it's like, yes, I don't have anything figured out.
Really cares.
Do you know what I mean?
Like what's the best thing that could happen?
Let's see what God has for me, instead of me trying to always figure it out and find the husband put the guy in there.
It's like just like, let him do something, you know.
And like cancer has a lot to do with, like control and the illusion of control, and like it really strips you of that.
I was a control freak I think I still am a little bit, but like You don't have control over it.
Like it takes that away from you.
So it's like all you really have is like your mindset and your hope and your faith.
And like that's all I ever really had.
Even before cancer, I just thought I was in control before.
But now I know.
Yeah, I hope that answers the question.
It does.
It does.
I want to take a moment to just acknowledge how inspiring I think you are, because I've had many friends who've gone through the battle with cancer.
And I know how hard that is, let alone having to document it and share it.
And you did that.
You brought everyone in your community on that journey with you.
And I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is to go through what you've been through and document and share it.
And like you said, so many people have become inspired by it.
So many people have become saved by it.
So many people have become aware of.
You know what you go through and what others go through during this time.
I wanted to ask you that now.
I saw you on Instagram and I was just talking to Mike right now, but I saw on Instagram that I think you have two more treatments left, but he was saying one more now.
He just totally outdated for me.
One more treatment left.
Like, what does it feel like to be at this stage?
As you said, you're not years away from it yet.
It's not, Talk to me about what goes through your mind right now.
Yeah, right now I think I'm dealing with a little bit of grief.
Where during, you know, people would ask me like, oh, you're grieving your old life.
And like I said, I was too sick to think about all of that.
Like, you're really so sick.
And that was one thing I struggled a little bit with sharing, because I really wanted to share it, especially after one person even wrote me back and was like you saved me.
Like, I would not have gone.
And then I was like, okay, this is my purpose.
And this is the only way I can understand it and make sense of it that I can help someone else.
And I can keep someone else out of chemotherapy because I had a terrible time with chemotherapy.
Like, I
I went in super positive, which is kind of funny because I was like, I can do it.
Like, with God, I can do all things.
And I did do it, but it wasn't what I pictured the experience to be.
But I think right now I'm definitely starting to grieve because I think right now I'm starting to feel better and I'm starting to feel safe.
And I'm starting to feel safe in my body.
And I think there's only so much I could tolerate at once.
And when you're so sick, I don't think my mind could really open all those doors at the same time.
There's survivor's guilt is such a big thing because I'm also like grieving, but I'm like only letting myself grieve for what?
15 seconds at a time.
And I'm like, oh, I should just be so happy that I'm alive.
Like so many people don't live through this.
I'm so lucky.
But so like I'm trying to figure out those sort of things like the balance of like honoring what I went through and honoring that, that was hard and that's okay.
That was really hard, but also like, I lived.
So I don't know.
I'm struggling a lot with that right now.
The survivor's guilt, because even when I went to ring the bell like I didn't want to do it.
I don't know why.
You would think you would be so excited to go and ring the bell.
And you can ring the bell at any time.
You can ring it at the end of your chemo, at the end of your radiation.
I just kept putting it off and putting it off because I think I wanted to ring it when I felt Like okay, I'm going to feel a little bit better after I ring it.
So I waited and waited and waited.
And then, the day I was meant to do it, I told my husband Mike.
I said I am not, I don't want to ring it.
I don't want to ring it.
And the only thing that got me to ring it was I was like maybe it's not about me, maybe every time I would be at treatment and I would hear someone ring it, it would spark such a joy in me.
And I would be like, yes, like so happy for that person.
And so I was like, maybe that's why I have to ring it today.
Maybe it's for someone else who's here in this building who needs to hear this bell rung.
And it's not even about me, because To me it felt like a lot of pressure to ring it, because then everyone just expects you.
Because I think people deep down just really wanted me to be better.
And I wanted to be better.
But I was like, if I ring it and then I don't feel better, I'm going to be all mixed up.
And that's kind of a scary, weird thing in a weird place, you know.
Thank you for letting us into your mind right now and heart.
It's a little mixed up, but that's kind of how it goes.
You're very coherent in explaining it.
Just for what it's worth, the way you're sharing it is actually making a lot of sense.
It's really helpful, I think, because we don't often get to talk to people in this very important moment.
We talk to people, like you rightly said, like years after, and then it's all memory, whereas right now it's all real for you and you're living through it.
Talk to me about what your day to day looked like before the diagnosis.
Like what was your day to day like?
Yeah.
So before you know the C word cancer before being diagnosed with breast cancer, I was very much wrapped up in hustle culture.
More is more, more produce more, do more, have more success, find more success really just always pushing myself to be better and do better.
And I mean, cancer will stop you right in your tracks.
And it says, nope, that's not what we're going to focus on anymore.
When I found the lump, I was on my sixth round of IVF.
So I got married when I was 40, which I guess is later in life.
We live between Dallas and New York and it's very late in Dallas and it's sort of okay in New York.
It's kind of interesting.
But we could have gotten married when I was like 38, 39, and we chose to do family planning.
And there's a big difference between the amount of eggs you can get when you're 38 and when you're 40.
So I was like, that's really important to me.
I have always believed and I still believe I will be a mom and Mike will be a dad.
And so we were like, that's really more important to us than like the party.
So let's do that and plan the wedding while we do that.
And then have that.
So I did a bunch of rounds and then I got two embryos and then we got married and we had this like beautiful, amazing wedding.
I'm so into aesthetics.
I love planning things.
I just, it was like a really joyful, fun, cool thing we did.
But I felt good going into the wedding because I'm like, okay, I have two embryos.
That's like what I'm believing and choosing to believe.
So I, after we got married, I wanted to do like one or two more rounds, because there really just is such a big difference.
Like I don't want to give the numbers because I'm not a doctor, but in these ages between, like it's 35 and up, but like when you start hitting 38 39, like it's a significant difference.
Like it's like huge the amount.
Okay, we do another round of IVF.
During that round of IVF is when I I noticed a lump and I was like it's really crazy, because when I found it it was and I'm a petite person and Um, it was bigger than the size of a golf ball.
So and I wasn't sure that I even could feel it, because you know we grow up like, or I grew up.
You know, I grew up with a single mom and I remember in our shower she had this little thing on your shower and it was like these hand sketches of how to do a self breast exam.
So, you know, I was doing it.
You never really knew or I really knew if I was doing it right or whatnot.
But I felt something.
I live with a doctor.
So I'm like, hey, feel this.
What do you feel?
And he's like, oh, I'm not sure either.
Like it was bigger than a golf ball, but it was so far deep, like deep in me.
And I have dense breast tissue.
It makes it harder to feel for lumps.
And I had always read that it would feel like a hard marble.
And it can, it can feel like a hard marble, but mine did not.
You couldn't tell for sure if there was something or not.
In my mind, of course, every woman would think, oh my gosh, is it breast cancer?
But I grew up in a pretty big family.
My mom has five sisters.
My dad had three. both of their mothers.
No one has breast cancer.
No one had cancer at all.
And I don't have the BRCA gene.
So it wasn't super high on my radar that this is cancer.
And it's very easy on a flag to just be like, I'm sure it's not.
I'm sure it's the IVF medications.
I'm found it, or I felt something and it was on my mind and I knew I was going to see my fertility doctor the next week.
So we go in and I tell him and he's like okay, like you have to go in for a marimogram I'm seeing this like every week and I was like, oh okay, like I still just yeah, I'm kind of like positive and I was kind of like I'm sure it's fine but, like You know yeah, of course I'll go.
So I go in for my mammogram the next week and.
I.
Yeah.
While I did my mammogram, I could start to kind of feel like something was going on, and they could feel it and they were looking at it.
And then they asked me that day like, will you stay for your biopsy?
Which is like odd, you know, and I was like OK, something's wrong.
And I could kind of just feel something was wrong.
So.
I stayed for the biopsy and I've been blessed with angels this whole time.
Like I've had a lot of angels come into my life and just like really help me.
And it was just the sweetest radiologist ever.
And she was just talking to me all about her wedding.
She's like, I went on your Instagram.
It was so beautiful.
And she was trying to distract me.
I could tell like she was really trying to comfort me.
And all of a sudden, I just looked up at her and I was like, am I going to die?
And she said I think you're going to need some chemotherapy, because she could tell I had swollen lymph nodes, which means it's traveled likely.
I mean, she couldn't tell she was biopsying my lymph nodes and my breasts.
So she, she said, you know, I said, my first question to her was, am I going to die?
And my second question very shortly after was, is all of my hair going to fall out?
Which is kind of interesting.
Do you know, like am I going to die?
And it's all like back to back.
I think that says a lot about women and our identity and and just where I was in my life.
I had this beautiful wedding and I had this wonderful husband and now I have breast cancer and I was family planning and, you know, it was never like this perfect situation.
I was open about doing IVF on Instagram because that, just to me, it's like I don't know how I could not talk about that.
It's very consuming, you know, and I wanted to be upfront about it.
And then now I'm like, oh my gosh, I have breast cancer.
Like what?
Like, I don't remember what we were talking about.
No, no, no.
You're doing amazing.
Don't stress at all.
Again, thank you for the amount of detail.
I feel like I'm living it with you and it's helpful because...
Again, like I think, like you said, there's so many women who feel something and aren't sure, and let it go.
Or you know, like you said, generally a lot of us are positive about things and we want things to just be good and probably won't happen to us.
And then all of a sudden you realize.
And I remember seeing you posted this on Instagram and bringing it up, because we'll put it up as well.
In the edit, but you put it up where it's, I think you FaceTimed Mike to tell him about this.
And you had.
You know, you posted.
You know our husband's reaction to finding out I have breast cancer.
Mm-hmm, what was after the first two questions?
You asked what was the first thought that went through your head?
And then was mike the first person that you called as well.
Yeah, i mean, i was texting him the whole time i was there was actually really interesting.
You could see our wedding venue from like, this room.
They had me wait in and i was just like what's going on, like this isn't how it was supposed to be, you know, and I was just spinning.
Like, I don't really even remember that that much of that day.
One of my thoughts soon after was I'm so glad it's me and it's not my mom and it's not Mike, because at least I could do it.
At least I had to go through it and be strong.
I would have found that so much worse to like, Like I would have rather been the one going through it than like I don't know I can do it.
So, I mean, I didn't want to do it, but you kind of don't have a choice, right?
So it's like, what are you going to do?
And like, I got saved like 10 years ago.
I mean, I grew up Catholic school, checked all the boxes, did all the sacraments.
But like I was just sort of checking boxes, like I wasn't.
Now I'm like in constant comms with God, like he is sick of me, like he's like this girl, like oh my gosh, like we know Bridget, you know it's like downloading texting all day.
He's probably like leaving me on read like we got it, like it's just a lot, you know.
And I'm just like, I feel like I have that relationship.
And that's like what changed for me.
And from.
Like you know, I went through a phase in my life where I felt like I really hit rock bottom.
And I just went to God in a really sincere moment and was like, okay, my way doesn't work.
I'm finally ready to admit that.
Like, I want to try it your way.
And it was just like this sweet little moment of surrender.
And I was living at home with my mom in Pittsburgh.
You know, I had I had had this life, right, where I grew up with a single mom.
I watched her struggle my whole life.
My dad left when I was four and I was.
I watched her struggle with money and things.
And I was just like hell bent on like, I am not going to live that way.
I am going to move to New York city, had never been to New York city and make it and I'm gonna work in fashion and that's what's gonna happen.
And I went with 200, didn't know a soul.
Connor didn't like it when I got there, but I had said so many times I was living there, I had to stay.
I couldn't even get a bank account.
I remember like I was like why won't you take my money?
They're like you don't have any, like you're at risk, you're a liability, like we don't want you.
And I was like wow, I can't even get a bank account.
Like and like I just just worked and worked and worked and like outworked everyone and just kind of got where I wanted to be.
And I got really immersed in that world and, and fashion.
And I had a wonderful boyfriend at the time I was living in this wonderful apartment.
Really nice.
It was his not mine.
He was great.
It was just I wasn't great.
Like I
I remember I like had this moment of like, I've gotten everything I set out to get.
I'm living in this apartment.
I'm wearing this YSL outfit.
I'm like a publicist at Yves Saint Laurent.
Like, and I feel completely empty.
And why?
I got everything I wanted.
And it was such a. What was it?
What was the answer?
I think that there's just like a hole in everyone's heart.
And I think God fills it.
And I think I had to really like lose all of those things.
I was broke.
I had no job, nothing, no boyfriend, no like leads on a job, no apartment.
Moved back to Pittsburgh.
I was like, okay, God, I've got nothing left.
I'm at rock bottom.
And he just really met me where I was at.
And I just filled it all in with God.
Like I just was like reading the Bible and I just started to believe all of the things God says about me.
Like I was like, well, who does God, what does God think of me?
And like, Since my dad left, I think I was always missing that father figure.
And I'm like, I have that.
I actually have that.
I am wonderfully created by God.
And I just felt like this heart of stone I had. was just really softened.
And I just became a little bit softer and I'm not perfect.
I screw up all day, every day.
I mean, hence the texting all day.
But like, you know, we're all sinners.
But I do think deep down, I really try to do better all the time.
And so, like when this whole thing happened with breast cancer you know a lot of people have asked me like was your faith tested when you had this?
Like when this happened to you, like you just had this wedding and you were hopeful for a baby and you were already kind of struggling to get the IVF thing going.
And I was like yeah I, I've just lived like I've tried to do it without God and I've done it with God.
And like, I think the storm is coming either way.
I think like this is my cross to bear.
But like you have yours and everyone's going through something.
Right.
So I feel like I. Yeah, I feel like I was just like I'm choosing to do it with him because.
That's just a better way for me.
How much you weigh, Wanda?
Right now, I'm about 130.
I'm at 183.
We should race.
No, I want to leave here with my original hips.
On the podcast, The Matchup with Aaliyah, I pair prominent female athletes with unexpected guests.
On a recent episode, I sat down with undisputed boxing champ Clarissa Shields and comedian Wanda Sykes to talk about Wanda's new movie Undercard, the art of trash talk and what it really means to be ladylike.
Open your free iHeartRadio app, search the matchup with Aaliyah, and listen now.
Brought to you by Novartis, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports Network.
In 2023, former Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal.
The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story.
This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth.
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It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case.
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I'm Stephanie Young.
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Listen to Love Trapped Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hello, gorgeous.
It's Lala Kent, host of Untraditionally Lala.
My days of filling up cups at Sir may be over, but I'm still loving life in the Valley.
Life on the other side of the hill is giving grown up vibes.
But over here on my podcast, Untraditionally Lala, I'm still that Lala, you either love or love to hate.
I've been full on oversharing with fans, family, and former frenemies like Tom Schwartz.
I had a little bone to pick with Schwartzy when he came on the pod.
You don't feel bad that you told me I was a bootleg housewife?
I almost flipped a pizza in your lap.
I was so pissed.
Oh my God, I literally forgot about that until just now.
Sorry, I don't wanna blame alcohol.
I gotta blame that one on the alcohol.
This is about laughing and learning when life just keeps on lifin'.
Because I make mistakes so that you guys don't have to.
We're growing, we're thriving, and yes, sometimes we're barely surviving.
But we do it all with love.
It's unruly, it's unafraid, it's Untraditionally Lala.
Listen to Untraditionally Lala on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Was there no thought in your head at the time which was like, why me?
I've finally got married.
Things are looking good.
I'm settled.
I feel like the natural reaction for a lot of people would just be like, God, why now?
Why me?
And you're going through IVF.
It's the amount there's.
There's lots of other things happening in your life.
Right, did that thought ever come up, or were you too strong to let it come up?
No, I mean, definitely came up.
I, I think okay.
So I also have a fashion company and I had been in flight or flight mode for quite some time because we were doing a buyout, so I had a partner and a buyout.
I you know is not a fun thing.
It's a little taxing.
It's a hard situation to go through.
And I kept saying to God during that process like if it's not meant for me and you don't want me to have this company, please just take the company.
Like, I don't want it if you don't want me to have it.
And I prayed that so many times that I like, I'm pretty sure he wanted me to have it.
I had bought the company and I got diagnosed two weeks later.
And then there was a day where I went to my oncologist and in one sentence she had said to me you're going to lose all your hair.
You're going to lose your eyebrows.
You're going to lose your eyelashes and you're not going to be able to carry a baby.
And in that moment, I felt like, wow, this is not fair.
Like, at least the baby part was really hard for me because yeah, that was hard.
And I, and I felt really sad for Mike too.
Not even just for me, because I'm like, that's, that stinks.
You know we're one year into marriage and like He's always wanted to be a dad and that's like super important to him and he'll be the best dad and he should get to be a dad.
And I feel like he will get to be a dad.
But I think in that moment, yeah, you definitely have those.
But you're also so scared that you're just like, yeah, that's unfair.
But I also am like, am I going to die?
So there's like you're weighing a lot of things and perspective changes really quick when cancer enters the conversation.
Yeah yeah, what.
What kind of shifted for you as time went on after the diagnosis, leading up to your like, first chemotherapy session and getting ready for that and preparing yourself for that, like what was going through your mind as you got ready and prepared.
Yeah.
So I had like kind of a bit of time because my cancer was hormone negative.
I was able to do one more round of IVF.
So I did the round of IVF and I was just the whole time thinking about I'm starting chemotherapy.
Like what's going to happen?
This is crazy.
Walking into your first chemo, I personally felt physically amazing, super healthy.
I went to Pilates the day before.
There's a lot of things you have to do.
Felt a little bit like a ritual or something.
You have to get your nails taken off.
You have to get your hair extensions taken out.
You're kind of like removing all these things, but I was like I'm gonna go to Pilates and work out.
I felt great, and then you know you're actively walking in there and you're putting something in your body that's going to make you very sick, potentially very sick.
Um, for me, it made me very, very sick And to know like in order to survive, I have to do that.
And I have to be like, okay, here we go.
Like, put it in me, you know?
And I think that was strange and a bit weird.
But a friend of mine, Jill Martin, taught me very early on.
She said to me, You have to reframe the way you think about chemotherapy.
You cannot think of chemotherapy as something that's making you sick.
You have to think of chemotherapy as something that's saving your life.
And that's been a huge shift throughout the whole thing for me.
Everything.
I used to complain about having to go get my nails done.
Like what?
Like I used to complain about having to go get my hair to my hair appointment.
And like I think, when you go through something like this, I'm like I cannot wait to go get my hair.
I mean this is a wig, but so I kind of got it done, but like my own hair, like I cannot wait for that.
And everything became like, I got to come here today.
You know, I don't have to, I get to do things rather than I have to do things.
And I think that is like a life shift.
I was like, okay, like I had to go get my nails done.
Like that's a privilege, you know?
And like, what a brat.
I think you're being hard on yourself too.
I think we're all we as in.
I think we all get into a space of familiarity and ingratitude and you take things for granted, and i think all of us do that as humans.
I don't think it's just you.
Whatever that may be, everyone has their version of a hair or nail appointment or something in their life that they're like we're also know about the nail because you're like it's such torture i can't be on my phone.
I'm like guys, we're okay, we're okay, you know Yeah, but I think hearing you say that really does put into perspective.
I was thinking about all the things that I take for granted, or all the things that I as you said that to me just now and I think that's going to help a lot of people who are listening.
I was just thinking about all the things I say, Oh God, I got to do this.
I got to do that.
Oh my God, I have to do this.
And it's like, I have the ability to do it healthy and well.
And, and that is something that you can't underestimate.
Right.
And you know hearing about it through your perspective and how that shifted for you.
I think that's a huge one.
Yeah, it was a huge thing for me.
And I also think like, I was so hard on myself before.
Like I'm like scrolling back through my phone and you know how it pops up, like a year ago or two years ago.
I always thought my hair was so thin.
And I remember I was always like talking about that and like trying to fix that.
And it's OK to want to fix it and improve.
I can't wait for my thin hair to come back.
Like I literally cannot wait.
So it's just like I just think we're all so hard on ourself, just know that.
It's like I mean, I'm still learning too.
But I'm just like, as I sit here with the big wig on, but like you know, like I got to wear a wig today,
I'm kind of pumped.
Like we're like really picking on ourselves a lot.
I want to somehow be able to teach girls that or like give them that perspective.
I don't know how, but I've felt that, like I, we're so hard on ourselves.
It's almost like you'd wish you could teach humans to do that without going through pain, because the pain is so intense and excruciating and terrible.
But it's almost like that's a gift that you've developed by going through that that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if all of us can learn that without sadly going through something so difficult.
It's a lot.
It's hard.
It's hard because you go from like I mean, you get so sick, and that's something else I struggled with a lot.
When you're so, so sick, you are not even picking up the phone.
You can't film it.
I wasn't hiding it.
But I was so sick.
You're on the bathroom floor.
Mike made me a nice little bed on the bathroom floor.
He would come and lay in there with me sometimes.
But it was just like, you can't sit up.
You're bleeding from everything you can bleed from.
Every day, it's like every part of your body.
I mean, I didn't know anyone was sitting at their house that sick.
I pictured I would get sick, but I did not picture.
And everybody does handle it differently.
I don't know that everyone gets this sick.
My oncologist did say to me at one point, like, some people tolerate it well and some people don't.
And then there's you.
So I think I had a bad go at it.
But I struggled with showing it a lot because I definitely wanted to show more.
But I also didn't want people to pity me.
And I didn't want it to seem performative.
Then I was like I also want to honor the people who are going through this.
Like, what if someone's watching this and one of their employees has someone going through this and they just don't know that that person like, might be really really trying?
And it's, There's a lot to it.
They put you in medically induced menopause and you're like a hormonal teenager girl.
And I'm like crying to Mike about anything you could ever imagine.
You're not even yourself.
How can you expect people to understand that?
And how can I lead a team during all that and not be mad at myself?
And you're just, it's so much.
And I don't really know how to explain it.
I don't know that there's a right way.
Like I tried to share, but I definitely, if I'm being totally honest, I would say I erred on the side of showing less because it's gruesome.
It's gruesome, like horrific things.
It can do your body and you can't sit up.
You can't walk.
Like I, we had a launch for my brand one day and I crawled to the computer to get it to work.
Like I was like, this is just like the most humbling thing.
I cried once.
It was, I remember, during football season.
Mike was watching a football game and I was so hungry, but there was just such a price to pay.
Like I had a lot of GI issues.
And there was such a price to pay if I ate that I was like starving and I'm not good at starving.
I like to eat and I was just crying like watching these commercials and I just want to eat.
But I would.
I ordered food once and like chew it and like spit it out because I just wanted to eat so badly.
But there was a price to pay.
It was coming out both ways.
Everything you could imagine, everything is inflamed and congested.
And it's not just like you're throwing up, you're like in major pain.
And like my teeth have completely rotted, like from all of this, like just things you, you don't want to show.
I didn't want to show that.
I wouldn't be mad if someone showed that.
I hope someone does.
But I didn't want people to pity me.
So I didn't know exactly what to do with it there.
So I just went day by day and, yeah, did what I could.
I pushed Mike to remind me to post.
And he was like, sweetheart, just don't.
But I was like.
But the only thing purpose I feel in this is when people write me and they say I went in, I got checked.
I, I'm not going to have to do chemo, Bridget.
Like I was like, okay, there's a, there's something in this.
Yeah.
That's helping so many people.
Even even you talking about it here right now.
I'm sure there are so many people who go and self-examine.
Self-exams, do your exams.
Like please, please, like I'm like begging people, I'm like, please do it because before I went in to see my oncologist, I was like, I need to like have her do a self-exam on me.
I need to just figure this out.
And like, this was the night before my appointment.
She's a very proper, amazing oncologist.
I want her to do a breast exam on me and I want to film it.
And I'm like, but I'll be like flagged for my nipples being out on Instagram, right?
So I'm like Amazon Prime, what can I get right?
And I'm like, looking up pasties that you wear to like a rave, I could only find like this red, glittery one she walks in the next day.
I'm like, can you teach us all how to do a self-examine?
Can I film it?
She's like what is that?
Like I literally had disco glitter pasties on and she's like super serious, but like It got sent to like 70000 people.
Like, and people were like, I've never known if I was doing this right.
And like, she can explain it better than anyone else.
Right.
And now I feel like even watching that, like I know how to do one.
And I think, if anything, Anyone takes anything from this, like if you're listening to this and you're hearing this, like just right now, just like, let's have a feel, like let's, tonight do our self exam.
And what you're looking for is like you have to know your body, know your baseline, and you're looking for a change.
So any change and change, then you get checked and you don't let yourself put it off, put it off, put it off because it's scary.
That's what people tend to do.
But there is no, no instance with this where finding out sooner is a bad thing.
You know, it can definitely keep you out of chemotherapy.
It can keep you at a lower stage.
Like, it's so important.
So yeah, go in, get checked and like, just watch my video that I made and see me in my disco.
You know, rave party outfit.
What does beauty mean to you today?
Oh, I'm working on that a little bit.
Like I, I've always enjoyed fashion and makeup and all of this.
And I think that's great.
And I think that's fine.
But I think I really want Yeah, that's true.
And another thing I thought of, like, I saw a girl who looked sick.
She's going through cancer on the internet the other day.
And I'm like, there's nothing not beautiful about her.
Like, no one feels like that about her.
So I think it's like just being in it really changed it.
Like, no one was looking at me going, she looks so bad.
I mean, they might have been scared.
She looks very sick.
I'm alarmed.
But like, No one was saying, oh, she's so ugly.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's different.
I think we're just again.
It goes back to being like our own worst critics and so hard on ourselves.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Well said.
I wanted to ask you two questions.
What's the most helpful thing someone can say to someone who's got cancer?
And what's the most unhelpful thing people can say to someone who's got cancer?
That's a good question.
Because I think a lot of people just don't know what to say.
Yeah.
I feel like you just don't ever want to be dismissive of what they're going through.
But I think something that's been really nice and really sweet is people who continue to check in on me.
And even like when I didn't have the time to write people back.
I swear when people would reach out to me, it would be like in the exact second I needed it.
Like it was like wow, you know, and it would be like someone I knew from years ago and they'd be like oh, I'm just reaching out.
And like, I felt bad because they didn't write back to everyone.
But like, you don't know how much you can. what an impact you can have on someone's day.
Like I've made a conscious effort now.
Like when I think of people now, I make sure I text them that day.
I don't care if they write me back or not to like, that's one thing I really learned.
Like, just keep reaching out, just keep going.
Like I just reach out to people whenever they pop into my head now and I'm praying for you, love you.
Like you don't know what someone else is going through.
And like, I do feel like we're all connected and like, it's beautiful.
And you can really, I just think you just keep loving on them, you know, just keep loving on them.
And even there's points where people are mad and they're like upset and they might not want to reply, but they're never going to be mad that you reached out.
So I think it's like, do it, but don't expect anything back from it.
But I felt so carried in love and prayer the whole time.
And I felt a little spoiled sometimes.
I'm like This is so nice, you know, and I want to be able to hopefully give some of that back to people somehow some way.
If you think of anything, Jay, let me know.
I think this is giving back.
Oh, okay.
I think this is giving back.
You showing up online every day, you sharing your story.
That is the best give back for everyone who checked in with you, because you're hopefully helping someone they know or someone they love from not going through the same thing or catching it early and not having to experience the hardships of it that you did.
I've had a couple of friends in the last 12 to 24 months who've also been going through cancer.
And I've found, when I talk to them, one of the biggest things they say to me is people don't know what to say.
People kind of distance themselves.
People think i just need space.
But actually it'd be really nice if they checked in.
And it's what you just said, that no one's ever going to be mad if you check in.
Even if they don't have the capacity or capability to respond back or call you back or message back, it's always going to mean something to that person.
Yes, it meant so much to me.
I always think of my mom, growing up with a single mom and seeing her struggle.
I'm like you know whoa.
It's not lost on me that I went through this with complete privilege of having help, like having someone who cared about me to help me.
Not everyone has that.
So I think it's like If there's anything you can do, like if someone has kids, anything you could do to help them do their laundry, any grocery store run or something for them, it's like really deeply meaningful.
It gets really hard.
And I don't think people always feel comfortable showing how hard it is because.
It's a bit embarrassing, you know, when you want to try and you want to be, or I wanted to be anyway, like I'm okay, but it's like no, you're not.
Yeah.
Which is natural.
We do it anyway.
We do it even when we don't have cancer, right?
We all act like we don't need help and we've got it all together and we're okay.
And so. when you have something that you're worried about and concerned about.
You talked about Mike there.
I think what I find it's so beautiful watching you both together and what you did share from the journey, of just how engaged and present Mike was throughout the whole journey.
And I think I always find it fascinating because, of course, on our wedding days, we all make this commitment of in sickness and in health, and we've all heard hundreds of people say it, or maybe you know tens of people say it, we've seen it in movies, we've.
You know, whatever it may be, you hear this statement again and again and then people are actually, you know, Yeah.
And then you actually go through that.
Talk to us about the realities of what it took.
I think Mike also went down to cut days at work to be there to support.
But I'm sure it's not easy for you either because you're going through this very vulnerable thing.
With your partner, that's not easy on your side.
Talk to me about the realities of what it feels like to go through cancer, even with someone you love, and that loves you deeply.
Yeah, I mean it was hard for me at first, like I said, because I had grown up like always being really independent and wanting that for myself.
And I think God was like, mm-hmm. no you're gonna learn to trust a man and you're gonna have to lean on him and it is what it is and I found that really hard I mean I straight out the gate you know this is one year into marriage I'm like sickness and health go buddy let's see what you got you know and he really put himself second and I came up with this whole like choose your husband like your life depends on it because I can't imagine what I would have done without him.
He's a plastic surgeon and he has been training for this moment for 17 years.
So you get to this moment, you open your business, you pass your boards.
And now it's like oh, please step away from your business and learn how to do a fashion company, because she just bought it, has debt and now owns the full company.
You know.
So it's a lot to put on someone.
And I think chaos reveals character, right?
And one thing I did before I met Mike was I made this like husband list.
I used to talk about it on like TikTok or Instagram a long time ago, but it was it's not like oh, abs and a corner office and status and all this stuff.
It's much more like character driven.
Like, does he love his mom?
How does he make people feel?
What does he leave in the room?
Does he have any friends?
Does he care about people?
Because, at the end of the day, life is going to get hard, and Those are the things that are going to matter.
On our first date, I remember Mike telling me like his parents have been married for 40 years.
His grandparents are married for 70 years.
I was like, oh, he's like hitting these things on this list I wrote over here.
But it was, the list is even- Tell us about what was on the list.
Yeah, it was like, does he love his mom?
What do people say about him?
Do people like him?
Like, that was a big one on my list.
I was like, I really want everyone to love him and just think he's great.
If someone wouldn't like Mike, like, That's kind of odd.
Like he's a really good human.
Like he's just like a great person.
Like I want to be like Mike.
Like he has something he was passionate about.
Is there something he loves?
Do we align on our values and our faith?
And like not letting anything go off the list, like not seeing potential in people.
Oh, can I change this in this person?
Like I'm so attracted to them.
My date with Mike.
When I walked in that was the first time I think I walked into a room thinking like, do I like this guy?
And it wasn't like, does he like me?
I was really good in the sense of, I know who I am in Christ.
I know God loves me.
I know who I am and I know what I think I need.
And if I just give this to God, I'm going to believing that he's going to find this guy for me, rather than me trying to make all of these exceptions to these rules in the make it work with these other people that it's not working with.
And like, looking back, I'm like, wow, God really sees your whole story beginning to end.
Like he even knew I needed a doctor.
When we first started dating, Mike, it was always easy with him.
Everything.
To the extent that I was like, oh, am I like not interested in this?
Is this It was so peaceful that it felt unfamiliar.
Yeah.
I was sort of like, maybe he should be my friend.
I don't feel this because I wasn't waiting for him to text me and all of this.
He was just texting me.
He was just pursuing me actively.
Yeah.
I didn't really know what to make of that.
There were no games.
So I almost got confused by that.
And so thank God I had that list.
Cause I'm like well, he's not breaking anything on the list, but I was just like, so what I did was I like took counsel.
I asked married people.
I'm like there's this guy, he's this like really hot doctor, which also like I didn't want to go out with him for six months.
I did not want to go out with him.
Cause I was like like a model and like I want to be the pretty one.
But like I got over it and like he wore jeggings.
I remember I was just like looking for problems.
But like none of the photos on his Instagram were just of him, which I was like that's a good thing.
That's a good thing.
Because like, even though that wasn't on the list, like that says a lot about you care about people.
You're with your mom, your brother, you have some friends.
Those are great things.
Those are telling things, you know?
And so yeah, but I did get a little bit worried at some points, asking my married friends being like I don't know guys.
He's like always writing me back.
And he wants to hang out every day.
It's a little weird.
And he has a job and he likes his mom and he's a good person.
What's the problem?
But what do you think that is?
Why are we all doing that?
We don't have a history of peaceful, clear contact.
And therefore, when someone finally does that, you kind of get spooked.
Yeah.
And you're like, what's going on here?
You're not meant to do this.
You're meant to make me feel nervous and anxious and all the other emotions that aren't healthy and helpful, or in that moment at least.
And so I think we're all looking for that kind of like racy feeling.
Like the butterfly.
I felt like I liked him, but I didn't have this like sinking pit in my stomach at all times.
I mean, there's a study that shows that what we feel when we say the butterflies is you're feeling excitement and stress at the same time.
But when someone messages you back, you only feel excitement and clarity.
So you don't get the stress.
But it's the excitement and stress together that creates that nervousness.
But when someone actually is just as Mike was messaging back and you know pursuing you and being really clear about it, we're like oh, wait a minute.
I don't feel the stress.
And the stress is what makes things exciting.
But you know, we know that's not true because hey, when you actually marry someone or you are in a long-term relationship with someone, you don't want, someone that causes you stress.
You don't want to come home to a stressful person.
You don't want to wake up to a stressful person.
You don't want to, that's not what you're looking for.
Imagine the guy not calling me back when I was going through my chemotherapy.
You know, I made one video and I was like the guy who is not texting you back is not the guy with you in the middle of the night in the emergency room.
Like, you know, I had my big faux fur on and he's just sitting there like, what can I do to help?
And it's like, what are we doing?
What was I doing?
How did you two meet before that first date?
Yeah, the old fashioned.
We met through friends.
My one friend, she's an influencer and her husband's a plastic surgeon.
They were in the same residency at NYU.
And she kept telling me to go out with him.
And I would just be complaining about these guys i was dating and i would just be like oh, should i text him back?
And it was all this plotting and all this stuff.
And she's like really think you should text mike and i'm like he looks like a model like, and she was like, but just like, take that out of it.
What is the problem?
And I was like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I was like, he's not my type.
And she's like, you're not married.
You don't have a type.
Like you have a lot of people that aren't your type that you've dated.
How much you weigh, Wanda?
Right now, I'm about 130.
I'm at 183.
We should race.
No, I want to leave here with my original hips.
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Talk to me about that idea of so many.
There are so many women who feel if I'm not married by 30, if I don't have kids by 35, you got married when you were 40 and life will continue from this point onward.
And it's like you never felt behind or didn't allow yourself to feel behind.
Well, I did.
I felt behind.
Yeah, I felt behind.
But like I was so...
Like that was a big thing for me, because I think just growing up with a mom who struggled it was like the number one thing.
And until I felt like I got myself to a point where I was like financially independent or in a good place, I wasn't as focused on it.
But then, yeah, like I was like, oh, no, I want to have babies.
So it was OK that I had to be laying in bed for a year.
I've been out for a lot of years.
That was kind of when my platform was built by accident, I guess, before cancer happened.
It was a lot of girls would come up to Mike and I, in New York City mainly, and they would say, oh my gosh, you guys give me so much hope.
I'm 32 and I haven't met anyone.
And I met Mike when I was 35.
So I think you know, I leaned into that a little bit and thought about it.
And I think it was just like believing in God's plan for my life and not trying to do things my way.
That being said, I do think I would have saved myself a lot of tears and a lot of years if I had written the husband list before and not got so caught up in like the games and the butterflies and like all of that because yeah, I don't know that's, that's like a thing.
Yeah well, what would you say to someone who says to you I feel behind at 35 because I haven't got married yet?
Have you written your husband list and what's on it?
And who are you dating?
And like what are you scared to let go of?
Because I do think that there has to be a moment of kind of like okay God, I'm going to do this your way.
I'm not going to keep doing this my way.
What I like about your list is it's not a list the way I think people think about a list.
So I think when people hear the words husband list, they think like six feet tall, you know this job.
Status.
Right.
Yeah.
I think a lot of people write those things.
And even if it's not a lot of people, I know a lot of people who've said those things to me where it's all about like, what kind of job they have.
So like doctor would be high up there.
Right.
Yeah and or you know finance or not finance.
So people also their list is like I would never marry someone in finance.
I'd never, and I'm like I don't think that affects whether someone's a good partner or not, like I always think about, like your career doesn't really say much about how you are as a partner.
Your bank balance doesn't say how much you are is what you're like as a partner.
You're height doesn't say anything about what you're going to be like as a partner.
And I think it's funny when you measure someone as a partner on these things that mean nothing to do with them being a partner.
And so I think, even though I never had a formal list, I think when I met Radhi too, I was looking for how someone lit up a room and how someone was with me in different circumstances, in different scenarios.
How was I treated around different people?
How did I feel when I shared a new idea or I thought about something new?
And then, as we got married and moved forward, even then I would say we went through more After we got married, because we moved country, we moved jobs, we moved home.
And when you go through all that together again, I mean what you've been through is far harder and far greater than all of those things.
But when you go through difficult things, you figure out what someone's really made of and what their response is.
And I remember being four months away from being broke when we were married and this was around maybe six months into our marriage or maybe just coming up to a year into our marriage.
And I told her the situation we were in and she was like, I trust you.
And like that to me was the person I married and the character of the person I married.
Not someone who is not there for me at that time.
And so I think for me I knew Radhi was the one when I met her, because she was always nice and kind to everyone that we met, whether they could help her or not.
She lit up every room she walked into.
She was always bubbly and fun and had good energy and ideas.
I didn't feel like she played any games.
We both didn't play any games with each other.
I was really sure about who I was when I met her and that didn't scare her and didn't intimidate her or didn't make her feel uncomfortable any other way, and she was still learning and curious about who she was, and i love that about her.
Yeah, so i think to me it was more about you had a list, though i did.
That's what i'm agreeing.
No, that's what i'm agreeing with you.
I'm saying it wasn't written written down exactly exactly, but it was there and I was very.
I could sense it when I was around and I think you need to be clear about those things.
But I think the problem now is people get clear about stuff, but not the right stuff.
You get clear about a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any difference.
Like You know someone's height or someone your ick, that they wear jewelry or the fact that they don't dress well or whatever.
It is like that stuff doesn't impact whether someone's going to show up for you when you're broke, when you're lost, when you're confused, when you have cancer, you know, like that's not going to be the you know differentiator.
So yeah, and it's a cool one that you said too that like you were very sure of who you were when you met her and that didn't intimidate her, and that's like one thing I haven't really thought of, And how attractive that must be to someone.
But I didn't even really think of it like that.
Like, yeah, that didn't intimidate him.
He like pushed into that and leaned into that and was like, that's cool.
You know, like that is cool.
It is.
It is.
And it's, you know, like.
I mean, I think Mike's just set such an incredible example for all partners, truly just by observing both of you together, of just what it takes and what love really means.
I think we talk a lot about what love means and How do you show it and what that looks like?
And I think both of you together represent it in the most beautiful way.
And I'm so happy that you've been a big part.
Sharing that with us also, I think, has made Every partner go.
I need to step up, you know, in a good way, in a good way.
Oh, yeah.
I worry about that too, because I'm like I don't want people to think we're like bragging, but it's like we're not.
We're like literally.
Well, it's hard.
There's no bragging because it's hard work.
You know, he went to Sephora once because when all my hair really started shedding like badly.
And I had lost so much weight.
I was like 84 pounds.
And like, because I was just having a lot of issues with eating.
But he was like, I want to do your makeup for you.
I want to do something for you.
It was so funny because it was bad, you know, and like he had not a clue.
And thank God he's so much better at surgery than makeup.
Yeah, I've seen him do your nails and like plenty of nails.
Yeah, he's like kind of good at nails, a little good at nails.
Yeah, not the makeup so much, but yeah, he was like a little confused.
And even I saw you dressing up during treatment too.
Yeah, yeah.
That was the way you were, I think, finding joy.
I was pushing myself.
Like it was later in my treatment, like I started dressing up for chemo because I saw this older woman there once.
And she was just fierce.
She had on heels and this outfit.
I was like, I love her.
And I was like, is she here for treatment?
And they're like, yes, she always dresses up.
And they said, and she rings the bell every time when she leaves.
I said, goals.
I love her.
So then the next week I was like trying to dress up and be just like her, because I was like wow, like maybe I can inspire people.
Maybe they'll see me dressed up and then they'll want to dress up.
It really, I was like, wow, when I saw her.
How did you dig to find the strength at that time?
Like, talk to me about that.
Like you just said, like, you know, you're just trying to get up.
You're just trying to get to treatment.
You're just.
You've got to deal with being on the bathroom floor and bleeding from you know it's like how do you in those, how do you, in that moment, even find the strength?
Like, I don't know.
I think you're stronger than you think.
I am kind of glad ignorance was bliss.
I don't know how I would have gone that first day and let them put chemo in me if I had known what was going to happen.
I really don't.
It was hard.
And then Later in my treatment, when I was doing radiation, I had to do 15 rounds of radiation.
And I was like, OK, I really want to dress up every day.
Like, I'm not going to say I'm going to do my hair.
I'm going to wear a hat.
I'm not going to do my makeup.
But like, I really want to challenge myself to like build my self-confidence back a bit.
And I felt like the ways I thought of when I built my confidence up when I was younger.
I was like I bought a very expensive Equinox gym membership and I was like but I'm gonna buy this and then I'm gonna say I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go and I'm gonna keep that promise to myself.
And as I keep doing that, I'll start to believe in myself.
So it's like, I am getting dressed for this no matter what, every day.
And I did not want to, but every day I just remember being like but I only have to do it 14 more times.
I only have to do it 13 more times.
And then at the end, it was just like, I did it.
I couldn't believe it.
I did it.
And I'm not saying these were the world's best outfits, but like it was, just like.
I think there's something to that, like making a promise with yourself and keeping it big or small, and you start to believe in yourself and you start to trust yourself and you start to have confidence that you can do things you say you can do.
And I think that like helped me a lot, like a lot more.
And it seems so small and like, I mean, literally putting on an outfit, but it was huge for me.
I remember being like, wow, I did it.
I couldn't believe it.
How did you not get defeated every time?
Because, like you know I think a lot of people when you're going through something like this, you build yourself up, you prepare yourself, you get ready, and then you still got to do another round.
You still got to do this.
You still like, how did you not let yourself get defeated?
Yeah.
I mean, I got defeated sometimes and I just I would just try to go back to like spinning it to be like I get a chance to live.
I get a chance to to go on and live and I can do it.
I just I right, when I got diagnosed I didn't show this because I was like I'm a little cuckoo, you know, but like I embroidered, healed on everything you could ever imagine my sweatshirts, my bags, everything.
And every morning I
Thank you, Jesus, for my healing.
Thank you, God, for healing me.
I was not healed, you know, and I'm wearing a sweatshirt to Memorial Sloan Kettering, a cancer center in New York City, healed.
I was just writing it everywhere and I was just believing for it.
And like, I guess I didn't see a point in not believing for it.
Like I just like I don't see a point in like not believing I'll be a mom.
Like I believe I just believe it now and I got to go write mom on everything.
But I just believe, like I don't know if it will be the way I imagined it to be, like that was a really hard time for me the day that they said you won't carry a baby.
And I'm still like, well, maybe I'll carry a baby.
I don't know.
But I believe I will be a mom in some way, shape or form, whether that's adopting or actually have a surrogate now.
I'm so happy to hear that.
It's amazing news.
Yeah, we're working on that.
And that's like a quite a long process and like such a beautiful thing.
And that someone would want to do that and feels really called to like make someone else a mother.
Like, I think that's so beautiful.
And I just know Mike will be the best dad and he deserves it.
So you both do.
You both do for sure.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Talk to me about your talks with God during this time.
They're really raw.
They're not this like a little Catholic Bridget who grew up like you know, like what the heck is going on.
Like this is like.
It's like honestly, like texting with someone that I could say anything to.
You know, and I
Do you actually text?
No.
It's like in my mind.
I do it all day.
And then I try to make time like at night.
And I like download everything.
But he already knows.
Like in my mind, that's what I believe.
That he already knows like everything.
He knows all of our thoughts.
He knows the number of hairs on our head.
Like I just...
I'm like, TMI.
I'm kind of just, I think he's sick of me.
I'm like, he's probably healed the girl enough, you know?
I don't want to hear from her anymore.
I love your sense of humor.
Talk to me about, we're talking at the top about grief.
And as I'm talking to you, there's so much joy and gratitude and resilience that you demonstrate which is just mind.
You inspire me so much.
It's just whenever I'm around you, I just feel so moved.
Truly.
Yeah.
By your faith.
And you're like.
You do a lot.
You're not giving yourself any credit.
No, Bridget, this is about you.
It's about you.
And I mean it.
It really moves me.
I wanted to ask you how have you learned, or how are you learning right now, to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time?
Yeah, I feel like that's a really hard question.
And I feel like, like I said, like, I don't think I know how to do both at the same time.
Like when I was really sick, I wasn't grieving yet because I was so scared.
I was like scared I was going to die.
And I've never... had that before.
I've never lived a day in my life before where I was like, am I going to live?
So you're not like balancing much.
You're like getting through it, you know, day at a time, hour at a time sometimes.
And you're just trying to put one foot in front of the other and like get through it.
I think the grief is coming more now because I feel more safe now.
And I feel like, yeah, I feel like now I'm, I feel like I'm going to live.
I hope I'm going to live in that.
You know, I, I, yeah.
And I, and so now I'm kind of like, whoa, what just happened?
Like it's survivor's guilt too.
It's really hard because, like not everybody gets what i just got, so it's hard to say.
I feel really like like i i'm struggling with that.
I do think i need to let myself lean into that a little more and definitely needs I need to do some work, and some work on myself about letting myself feel the feelings that just happened but I'm not doing great at that.
Yeah, right now I'm being very like oh, I should just be happy that I'm alive, you know.
So some work to do there.
Do you have any advice for me?
How do I do that?
You tell me I'm like I don't know.
No, I I think Your talks with God and the incredible sharing you do with your community.
I'm in no place to guide or advise you.
I feel so just touched by the way you talk to God about what you're going through.
And I mean, there could be no better guide than that.
And then also hearing about just Just how you chose to share it with the community.
And I feel like you've already processed so many emotions more than you can even ever imagine.
And you're going to know how to process these new ones as they come up, because you've already done so many of the harder ones.
And so it's just trusting yourself and trusting God.
There you'll get the wisdom and the insight to know what to do next, which you've already lived by.
So I feel, I definitely feel a little bit like, like, oh, now what do I do?
Because like, you know, I like had this whole life and then it kind of got turned upside down.
So I'm like, okay, it is what it is.
But now it's like, what do I do?
Do I go back to talking about clothes, or you know, and it's like I'm definitely grieving who I was.
I don't not like think she's coming back, I don't think that, I think there will always be that, and then, like before and after cancer, I don't know that.
It's not a blessing though because like, I get to live my life through a different lens.
I hope that other people get to see that through me.
Like, I hope that they get to, you know, what's the saying?
Like healthy people want a lot of things, but sick people, they only want one thing.
And it's like I hope that people just it can be a small reminder to them to like, if you're like listening to this today and you're having a bad day, but you have your health, like the world is your oyster.
You are so blessed and so lucky.
And there's so many things, circumstances that we can change and work on.
And to just maybe if you could just shift that to gratitude a little bit for what there's always something to be grateful for.
You know, like I was really grateful that I got to do cold capping during my treatment and it sucks.
Like, but I was so lucky and blessed to be able to do that.
Not everyone gets to do that.
And I kept some of my hair and I'm like, wow, God, you are just like spoiling me, Ron.
Like I am even keeping some of my hair.
Like I don't know.
I hope it, I hope I figure out how to, what to do next and how to merge.
And I, I don't feel the exact same pressure I felt before.
It's like post every day and all this, because I'm kind of just like, I need a beat.
Like I need to figure out, but I don't know.
I don't know.
What do I do?
Send tips.
Tell me.
I don't know.
Like I feel like most people who've been through this, like that I've met are like really badass.
So I'm like looking forward to that.
I think they're like super like mega, like, like I'm like, whoa, you're a really impressive person.
And I'm like, So something happens, you know, I'm just like not at that part yet.
I'm like still working on it.
I think a lot of people think they have to find their purpose and you're already living it by doing what you're doing right now.
So, you know, I think you're already living the next phase of your life without even knowing it.
I mean, I think purpose is so cool in that way.
What is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
This too shall pass.
Can I can I explain more than a sentence?
I knew you were going to do that.
So I think, because obvious, for obvious reasons, like you know, going through the year I just went through, this too shall pass.
But it's also like another reminder to be in the moment and realize like, but what's good is what good is happening right now, because this is going to pass.
And then also, I think it's so, so important for like, when you're at your highest moment, to like you're at the best moment.
Everything's working out for you like this too shall pass.
So like be present in that moment, but also stay humble in that moment because this too shall pass.
Yeah.
Well said.
I have a little box for you here.
What is it?
Inside this box.
Okay.
Are different things that I think are valuable to people at different points in their life.
And I want you to just pick out anything that looks interesting to you and talk about when it was important and how it's changed.
Oh my gosh, this is really cute.
I don't know.
Okay, so...
Nails.
I like literally can't wait to go and get my nails done.
You can't get your nails done when you're going through chemotherapy.
I did once anyway, rebel with a cause and I just got really, it wasn't good.
So, wow, like this like kind of excites me.
It makes me excited.
I love that.
Yeah, is this like mike?
Well, i didn't.
We need the dark hair, so this was actually that.
Looks like the guy dated before mike, who wasn't very nice to me, who wasn't, would not have been good at taking good care of me this year, so like we're leaving him behind.
Yeah, see you.
Yeah bye, what else?
This is like really hopeful to me.
This is like.
This is happening somehow, some way this is going to happen, so.
Prayers up for this one, but I'm believing like I just.
I just believe, you know, I just, what's the, yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I believe.
This is really cute because it will be three years.
This has three diamonds and it will be our three years this year.
So we had our first year and then I got diagnosed in our second year.
So our whole second year of marriage.
So I feel like the third year is like pretty exciting and cool to go into.
And like, what's the best thing that can happen, right?
Yeah.
I love it.
You did great.
You did great.
That was just the ones that stood out to you.
Oh, look.
It was the ones that stood out to you.
That's cool.
I like that.
Well, Bridget, I think you're going to go on to help a lot of people, save a lot of people.
This has become part of your purpose and the way you're acting and sharing already.
And I think you're going to continue to inspire people through anything you choose to do.
Oh, wow.
I truly believe that.
I really believe that through sharing this message, through sharing your journey and story.
But even beyond that, I think anything you choose to go and do, moving forward, will inspire people because of how you go about it, how you carry yourself, how wonderful and thoughtful you are with everyone, how present you are.
I think there's so many incredible qualities you have that I can't wait for the world to experience and for people to share with.
So yeah, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for trusting me coming on the show to share your story.
When I met you, I was blown away and I couldn't think of a better guest to have on the show.
And the fact that you came out when you're still, you know, got a treatment left, and i know this isn't easy for you physically mentally, emotionally but you're still here and you make it easy.
You're pretty good.
You're good at this, yeah.
No, you make it easy.
I feel like yeah, you're just so raw and vulnerable and that's what makes it.
That's why people love you.
It's why people love learning and following the journey with you, because can tell it's all real.
So yeah, it's incredible.
Thank you.
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