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Hey weirdos, I'm Ash.
And I'm Alayna.
Hi Alayna.
Hi.
And this is Morbid.
Hi, Alina.
Hey, Alina.
Welcome to the show.
Thanks.
Guys.
Happy to be here.
I'm so glad to have you.
I don't know what's going on.
It's almost pub week.
It's true.
Alina's been a little rabid animal over there.
Yeah.
And life's been busy.
Yeah.
And we're just, we're crazy.
We are.
And I feel like this is going to be a funny episode because of that.
I hope so.
Yeah, I hope so too.
Our homies at State Farm are sponsoring this episode.
Hell yeah, State Farm.
Shout out to them.
And without further ado, let's talk about the final episode.
Installment i couldn't think of that word i was like i was like we're going here
I almost called it penultimate but that's not fine yeah uh the final installment in the twilight saga it's true
So we're talking about breaking dawn part two the movie part two and breaking dawn part three the book the book
It's crazy that they made the movie based off of only part three
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I think this one's probably going to be a lot shorter than the other ones just because a lot of the bulk happens in the first half, like the setup at least.
Here's the thing.
Nothing happens the entire time and then something happens, but it actually didn't happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nothing pisses me off more than, oh my God, did that just happen?
No.
No.
No.
A dream sequence.
No, you silly girl.
I hate it.
I hate it so much.
It was a big shocker.
To moviegoers because so obviously we always do this out of order
It's not one of those like narrative go through beat by beat no but there's like a giant battle scene that they're all gearing up for in this one
It's like what the whole thing is leading up to.
Yeah, the Volturi's coming.
One of my favorite things in the movie is when Alice is like, the Volturi, they're coming.
Arrow, Marcus, Caius, Jane.
An arena.
And it's like, so the Volturi?
The Volturi?
And arena.
Like, that's what you just said.
Just naming everybody.
Just let me name the entire Volturi.
She's like, in case anybody here forgot, these are all of their names.
Yeah.
And she doesn't really like it.
I guess she kind of does do that in the book, too.
She names them all.
But so we're gearing up for that.
They're coming because Arena is a real bitter Betty.
Arena is a rat.
She's a real rat.
She's a rat ass bitch.
Snitches get their heads chopped off and their bodies lit on fire, babe.
Yeah, it didn't work out for you.
No.
No.
I don't like Irina's vibe at all.
No.
Even in the first one when she shows up at the wedding and is like a snarky little bitch.
I was like, yeah, I don't like that.
She has like a condescending holier-than-thou vibe.
Yeah, and it's like, girl, you gotta move on.
You just gotta move on.
Live your life, baby.
And so I don't like her anyways.
So this whole thing being her fault, I was like, you get the day you deserve.
Yeah.
It also doesn't really make sense that she would be the one to go rat on the Cullens to the Volturi because her mom died because of an immortal child.
Exactly.
So I'm like...
So I understand that you grieve that loss forever.
I totally get that.
But you want that to happen to another family?
Like what?
Like what?
And it's like, and you watched the immortal child be thrown in a fire.
You want to take part in that again like what was the reasoning for this i'm not and at least in the movie
I forget in the book how it like all goes down but she was on her way to have a discussion with them yeah
To kind of be like, sorry for being a bitch.
But then she just cannot stop herself from being a bitch.
And then she's like, yeah, you know, I just gotta be a bitter bitch.
I am not Team Irina.
Who is?
Never have been, never will be.
I'm just not.
There's so little but so much.
Do you want to start, like, book stuff mostly?
And then we can get into the ridiculous movie part?
So...
So part three is in Bella's point of view in the book.
Like in the book, yeah, I was going to say.
We end part two in Jacob's point of view with him falling to his knees when he sees an infant in a blanket.
Yeah.
Fresh out.
Fresh out da womb.
Fresh out.
Fresh out the bella.
Where the hell you been, lover?
Yeah.
He just falls to his knees.
I hate it.
And he reminds us about a hundred times that it is not romantic.
And then he completely just condescends or contradicts himself.
Later, which we'll get to.
So already gross.
Ew.
No.
And then when you go to Bella's point of view, this is where I think
That maybe stephanie meyer i don't
I don't know if she just like took like i don't know what what was going on with the editing process what her plan was um well here's the thing so
So part three is from bella's point of view and it's just the same scene of renez may being born again
From her point of view.
Right.
Which that can work.
Yeah.
Like I've done that in a book where it's like one scene from one person's point of view, one scene from another.
But I think it only works if you're going to introduce something completely new into the other point of view.
Yeah.
And also that you're not just reiterating exactly what happened the last time you did this point of view or this scene.
Because we already know.
And that can be tough.
So I am free to admit, I had a couple more of those scenes.
My editor, bless her.
Said, babe, we got to cut these because they're just the same thing over again, just a little bit different.
And absolutely correct.
Yeah.
And I'm just wondering with this one, because as I started reading the Bella point of view, I was like,
I'm bored.
This is just the same thing because I watched it from everyone else's point of view.
And yeah, it's agonizing.
It's awful.
She's dying.
The thing is ripping her apart and Edward's going to bite the fucking placenta open.
Blood's gonna go everywhere and she's gonna bleed out and then she's gonna see the baby and say it's beautiful it's got teeth it's all the same thing yeah but in this point don't you dare breeze past that
That's where she she did bring something new into this point of view
That's where i said am i you
She brought teeth
Because she literally says in this point i was like
What is this?
Who came up with this?
Stephanie did.
That's who.
So she says, so of course, Renesmee did not cry.
Elena's peeling her post-its.
Yeah, I'm peeling my post-its off.
But yeah, she's got like, you know, she's just perfect.
She's a perfect little baby.
She opens her eyes.
She looks right at her.
She's very focused.
I beg to differ based on the sight.
It says, and also she says she's even more beautiful than her father.
And I said, damn.
Bullshit.
Well, we'll get there.
Don't worry.
Maybe she'll have a midnight sun.
Yeah, Edward might think something is more beautiful than her mother, too.
So she says, the impossible face suddenly smiled.
Jeez.
A wide, deliberate smile, as newborns often do.
Never just guess.
Behind the shell pink...
They literally don't even... Newborns?
No.
You're not getting one.
Behind the shell pink lips was a full complement of snowy milk teeth.
Hate it.
I have a couple of things about that.
It's my biggest fear to meet a newborn with teeth.
So this baby doesn't even just have a couple of teeth in her mouth.
She's got a full set of teeth that she just cheeses with.
And snowy milk teeth.
Give me snowy or give me milk.
You do not need to give me both.
Because those both describe them the exact same way, which is white.
Why did I have both of these?
Snowy milk teeth
Imagine if they were like jagged and yellow snow
Yeah just like what she's like
I don't know if she had dinosaur teeth she's like corn teeth
It was crazy
Yeah she was nuts but she was beautiful
She was nuts but she
I mean only a mother could say she also
Well she
And she refers to her in the book as her little nudger
Which i did
I was like when she's in her belly and i hate it
Yeah i hate it because in case you're confused like i was it's like so simple it's the most simplistic version of what you think
That is this the baby nudges her a lot from the inside so she's like mom nudger
I was like whoa you couldn't come up with anything else
Remember like we used to call one of yours like a squirmy wormy
Yeah, or like my little baby lady once I found out what she was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Nudger?
I'm not saying mine's better than anything else, but a little nudger.
It almost feels like an annoyance.
Well, that's the thing.
It gives off like you're annoying the shit out of me.
It almost sounds like nudge.
Yeah, a little nudger.
I don't love it.
I don't love it either.
I don't love it.
And it's very...
I felt like this part of Breaking Dawn, like this part of any of the books, was really tough to get through.
Yeah, because it's just the same shit.
It's not – and this is just me, just my opinion –
I enjoyed reading the other ones more.
This one's just not...
It's a lot of setup, a lot of introducing people, a lot of the same old shit happening.
You're not alone.
A lot of people were not into this book.
And they were so, so, so excited about it.
But they held parties where they burned
The book because they were so pissed off about it which that's wild that's like the farthest step to take i would say
And it also does absolutely nothing because burning books is cuckoo like if you already have the product
Why are you here's that if i don't like it it's
Give it to like savers.
Yeah.
Put it in the littlest library for someone else to find.
Not for me, maybe for you.
Yeah, somebody else will like it.
There's a whole contingent of people who love it.
And that's their right.
That's the thing.
Yeah.
Stephanie herself said that.
She was like, yeah, I wasn't prepared for like the amount of controversy that this brought.
But like with anything, especially when you have like a big audience, there's going to be people that love it or people that hate it.
Exactly.
Well, and I think the problem with this one was, and it is a real problem, and I think even the people who like it can at least see this problem with it.
The character, like arcs, the character growth, anything that happened, I don't know where any of it went.
It all kind of took like a left turn.
That's one of the biggest complaints.
And then Bella...
I mean, it's Bella and it's really like the plot in general.
All of these stories, like all the books, all the movies, everything has been leading up to how life-changing
This transformation is going to be and not just like, whoa, you're going to be so fast and so hot.
It's going to be awesome.
Right.
Like it's literally like you're going to lose everything.
You're sacrificing everything.
It's going to be hard.
You're going to have to learn all this self-control.
And for possibly months on end, you're going to be a homicidal, uncontrollable man.
Maniac newborn that we're gonna have to like cage at night and like make sure you're not aware
Literally like you almost killed bella on multiple occasions and he's been a vampire for a long time
Yeah so it's like we were like that has been drilled into
Edward made it such a thing that there's no way he could possibly do this to someone else
Carlisle even made
It a thing carlisle made it a thing that this was just
This was not something you want
Rosalie made it such a thing but she gives up and that's the other thing
Rosalie rosalie is a completely different had to give up becoming a biological mother which is what she wanted to do yep
And they make it like this, that is her thing.
That's her defining characteristic once she tells you that backstory.
And then it's like, but Bella doesn't.
No, Bella gets everything.
Bella gets everything she fucking wants with zero consequence.
Baby girl.
Baby girl to the extreme.
Baby girl gets a consequence.
Fucking fully furnished cottage.
Yeah.
And a Ferrari.
Yeah.
A Ferrari.
But better than that, she maintains her human emotions.
Yep.
She maintains her human desire for Edward, which she was told she would not have.
She doesn't want to eat her dad.
She doesn't want to eat her dad.
She's able to she every newborn is said that they can't even be within like 100 miles of a fucking pumping vein or they're going to lose their mind.
Bella goes into a dining room full of people to meet like some lawyer dude and is just chilling.
Yeah.
Or like five seconds after she turns, she's turned into a vampire.
She comes across a guy scaling the side of a mountain.
She goes to eat him.
And Edward's like, don't do that.
And she's like, oh, okay.
You're right.
And she stops.
And he's like, wow, no newborn has ever been able to stop mid-hunt.
Bella's not like other girls.
It's so baby girl.
It's so pick me shit.
Bella is not like other girls.
She's not like other girls and she's not like other vampires.
She's different.
And it's like she wakes up in full fucking she wakes up with stilettos.
Bitch, I wish.
Babe.
Where'd they come from?
A new dress.
You know Alice changed her for sure.
Yeah, which is so weird.
It is.
She's unconscious.
Did that just come from the ether?
No, Alice bestowed it.
She's burning from within.
Like trapped in her own body, screaming in pain, being filled with venom, paralyzed.
And Alice is like, we put it in this beautiful little skirt and it's got a slit up to here.
That's canon.
I'm like,
It's like she's just like sliding on some stilettos and doing her makeup like my mellowing smokey eye imagine having an eternal smokey eye yeah an eternal smoke eternal perfect makeup
So here's the thing.
And eternal extensions.
Yes.
For a while, I would love not having a morning routine.
Yeah.
Like when I get my eyebrows dyed and I have lashes on, I'm like, oh, Mitch, I don't have to do it.
Look at me.
Oh, yeah.
And eventually I would miss it.
Yeah because i like my morning routine
Sometimes it's nice to to get
I like my little zen time where i do my makeup and i sit in front of my mur yeah my mur
But imagine like you just yeah and like you have all of eternity to do anything you want to fucking do
So what are you supposed to
I mean i guess you still can but what's the point
You're already hot
That's the thing you don't need to
Yeah and it's like she she doesn't have to work at anything
No
She learns how to control her powers, like her shield, right away.
Which it takes other people years.
Other people don't even know how to do anything with it.
She learns how to control her thirst.
She learns how to like she's the strongest.
She's the fastest.
She's the most gorgeous.
Like she gets to be a mom.
She gets to be a mom, which that's the part that like really pisses me off is they put Rosalie in that like frigid like woman who can't have kids.
Yeah.
I'm pissed off and bitter
The Juno effect the Jennifer Garner and Juno effect where she's got to be like a type A bitch who like is just mean to everybody and tries to control everyone
Her husband hates her
They put Rosalie similarly in that obviously like not with Emmett but and it's like and then they just are like but not Bella
Bella gets to have everything.
She gets to be a mommy.
And then they have Rosalie be almost this envious, strange, I want this to be mine.
Yeah.
So I'm just kind of vicariously living through you kind of thing, which is off-putting.
Which also, Bella seems to be fucking fine with it, at least in the movie, because that bitch just goes off to fuck.
She's totally fine.
She's never with Renesmee.
She had this child.
And then like, yeah, she was busy for a minute getting turned into a vampire.
I'll give her that.
I'll give her that.
You know, that happens.
It's never happened to me, so I can't judge.
Hasn't happened to me.
But, you know, like it's a thing.
So that she wakes up and she says, where's Renesma?
And Edward's like, you might eat her.
So like we should go eat.
I said, oh, my God.
Look at your motherly instincts.
Yeah the only time i'll ever see him
The only time because immediately upon meeting her she's like oh my god she's so beautiful and look she just showed me her favorite memory of me and this is so cute
And she just like tosses her you want to leave
Like she said she leave here
You go rosalie
Yeah take this baby
First i'm gonna fight jacob then i'm gonna go fuck
My husband and I'd much rather go fuck my new husband I'm like in our cottage that our child
And there's the other thing Alice yeah I don't like it here's the thing outside of the cottage gorgeous gorgeous
You walk in that cottage to me I would be
Furious at what that looks like on the inside.
There's a lot to talk about, but one thing that I particularly have to talk about from the movie, what was the lighting budget?
How many fucking sconces?
Why were there sconces absolutely everywhere?
And then
Fucking what's her face?
Renesmee's nursery is just full to the brim with everything that you could possibly buy at Pottery Barn.
It's just so overstimulating.
They registered for everything and everyone bought it and they shoved it all in that room.
And so she doesn't get to decorate her child's nursery.
She doesn't get to purchase her own home.
Yeah.
Pick where it is.
Pick what it looks like.
Anything.
She doesn't get to decorate the inside.
She doesn't get to choose the ninety nine sconces that are inside.
And she also doesn't even get to pick her own fucking closet.
Sick closet that Alice had built.
And, like, cool to have some clothes in your new closet.
Yeah.
Like, totally appreciate.
But, like, full to the brim with stuff that Bella wouldn't really wear.
Well, and also.
At least the old Bella.
It is just, in my opinion, the decor in that house.
They opened that door and I said.
No, you didn't.
I'm not a.
That's diabolically awful.
I'm not a minimalist by any means, but the way that everything was just like to use your mother-in-law's word, chocker blocked in there.
Yeah.
It was all just like.
And it's like.
It looked like a...
I just couldn't.
It looks like storage.
It looks like storage.
The fucking art that was just like art you would find in like a hotel.
Yeah.
No offense to hotel art, but like no personality.
And I was also just like, oh God, I'd be so upset.
It wasn't Bella's vibes in any way.
What is Bella's vibes?
Flannel.
We don't even know what Bella's vibes are.
She never picks her own shit.
People are dressing her.
People are decorating for her.
We went the entire series never having any idea what her actual aesthetic is.
Yeah.
I do not know what hers said.
She didn't even get to pick her own...
Besides that mini cactus she brought from fucking Arizona.
And I think Renee just like shoved that out of her face.
And I think that's it.
I think she was like, here's a mini cactus.
Even her own car.
Like, again, sick to get a car.
Yeah.
But like, she never got to pick... Like, we don't even know what she would have picked for that.
No.
And again, like, she got the truck.
Yep.
Then she got...
I think at some point she gets like a Mercedes from... Yeah.
Edward in the books.
And then in this part, I'm pretty sure she gets the Ferrari.
Yeah.
And it's like, what a fucking... Yeah, seriously.
I mean, like, poor her.
What a journey.
Yeah.
Like, she is...
Baby girl from the jump she really is and it's just it's horrifying okay what's your next book point um let's see what's my next what's your next post-it say there i have one that says gross
So let's see let's see what that's about oh yes um when so when jacob in in bella's point of view is explaining to her that like oh hey yeah sorry i imprinted on your newborn but it's not romantic i
And it's not romantic.
It's not romantic.
It's not romantic.
It's not romantic.
Later I am going to ask Edward if I should start calling him dad.
But it's not romantic.
It's not romantic.
It's not romantic.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Lots.
What is wrong with you lots and in this one it's when he's first saying it
And of course in the book
I gotta give it to kristen stewart because in the book it says through my teeth when she said when she's like try starting now she did
She does it in the movie to a t but man it's something
She has like lock jaw
Yeah she does but he says so
She says you need to stay away from her and he says it's not possible
Do you remember how much you wanted to be around me three days ago
This is diabolical to me when he's like it wasn't you it was her wanting to be around me and i was like i would murder him where he stood best friend or not murder him where he stood
Also, I thought, and maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that it was, like, the imprinting thing was much more on the wolf side of things, not the person that they imprint on.
That's what they... That's what has been established, correct?
Yeah.
So, like, I don't think that had anything to do with anything.
Yeah, the person just gets non-consensually fucking tied to life for this...
To this random wolf that's decided that they are now part of their life
Well and if you ask if you ask the lore master herself it's not non-consensual it's just why wouldn't she want that why wouldn't you
But still but like that that piece threat right there doesn't make sense like oh you couldn't be away from me
It's like no she didn't have any desire for you she's also uh a
Fetus not at that point
So yeah no she wasn't
She wasn't uh wanting to be with you then and he even says he so she's like what the fuck are you implying
And he says that was her from the very beginning
We had to be together even then
I would literally
What did i write
I think i wrote something about this because when she uh literally just wrote gross when she confronts him in the thing hold on let me find the way he just says it's not romantic and it's not like that a hundred times during the movie too and the book it's like me thinks thou dost protest too much
And then you really tell on yourself later
Not me desperately looking for this note.
All it says is beat his ass mama.
Beat his ass mama.
And honestly, beat his ass mama.
Beat his ass mama.
When she beats the shit out of him out there, I was like, let's go.
Yeah, party.
Because even in this too, when they go to visit Charlie and Sue for Christmas.
Are you talking about the book or the movie?
Both.
Okay.
He gives her a promise bracelet that's what that is yep in the book she says on her wrist was an intricately braided quillute version of a promise ring
That's word for word what she says in the book.
And in the book, she's like two.
She's technically, I think, been around for four months.
So she's about four months old.
But that's the thing.
And that's like in the book, she only gets to about two years old.
In the movie, they make her age like so much more rapidly.
Yeah.
So he gave an infant a promise ring.
He gave a child a promise ring.
I'd slaughter his ass.
Like a literal promise.
And then so she's like, yeah, like Edward had to like grit his teeth on that one.
Oh, he did?
Grit your teeth?
No.
Oh, the father of the infant that Jacob, the adult, has now promised marriage to gritted his teeth through that one?
Even when he says, like, and it's at the end of the movie, but he says, like, should I start calling you dad?
I said, jump into the nearest bog and allow it to consume you, Jacob.
Literally.
Allow it to consume you.
Allow nature to reclaim you.
Because...
And also edward should have beat his i would have watched in glee if edward robert pattinson had beat the shit out of jacob at least something would have happened something should have happened there
Because also it's the other thing is so like obviously we said in the book she gets to be about two like I just said that and then in the movie like once you ultimately find out what happens with like vampire human hybrids it's like
By the time she's seven, she'll be full grown.
So she'll look like an adult, but she'll be seven years old.
And I'm like, Jacob, what's your plan there?
Yeah.
Well, she's going to look like an adult.
Are you going to date the seven year old or are you going to wait a few like, you know, seven more years?
It's not romantic.
It's not romantic.
Or more than seven.
That was bad quick math.
I mean, ask his friend there about fucking Claire.
No.
The two-year-old.
That scene lives on in my brain.
Who is a human, so is going to age much slower.
And he's just going to wait around.
So weird.
That's the other thing.
It's gross.
Wait, did we talk about this last time?
Do the werewolves like stop aging?
They stop aging at a certain point.
They do.
Yeah, they age like really slowly.
So he's not going to be like a 54 year old man while Claire's like... No, but he's going to be around for like 54.
Like he's going to be around for a long time waiting for her.
Like mentally he'll be that long.
Watching her turn...
Three and four and five and shit her pants and like go through all her milestones and go to kindergarten and then eventually be like now we can date
That's fucked up
Stephanie also I'm sorry it's like against her lore too still and that's the other thing
It's like the only thing that that Bella says to Jacob is just like oh my god everybody's right you smell like shit
That's crazy yeah
So they're just going to be together and half of her is going to think he smells like shit all the time.
And like her ancestors hate him.
Make that make sense i would never be with a man if i was like damn half the time
I think you smell like absolute i can't i literally cannot like cannot with that
The imprinting shit it's fucked goes beyond anything i can ever conceive of i really can't yeah
And there's a point too, where in the book,
When they're meeting, when Charlie's coming over, Edward tells Renesmee, like, somebody's coming over and we want you to meet them and you can't bite him because he doesn't heal like Jacob does.
Okay.
Implying that she bites Jacob a lot.
And then she goes, can I still bite Jacob?
And he's like, yeah, you can still bite Jacob.
And I'm like...
So Jacob's just letting her gnaw on him?
Like, what's this about?
I don't like it.
Why are we doing this?
Because, like, a normal infant, you don't let them gnaw on you.
No.
That's not... No.
So why are we letting her not on the guy who has imprinted on her?
I mean, Edward is probably hoping that she hits an artery.
Truly.
You know?
But I'm like, that's weird.
I don't like that.
I don't want to think too deeply about that personally.
I don't like that at all.
Steph, you're weird for that.
I'm sorry Steph but you're weird for that.
That shit is weird as hell.
You're fucking weird for that.
I'll never get over it.
Can we get to the Charlie of it all since you were just kind of talking about that?
Yeah because you know what?
Yeah tell me.
I'm sorry.
What?
But she's like she's like dad.
Here I am.
Gorgeous.
No, I didn't die.
I'm probably going to be...
I know I look 25 now.
I'm going to stay this way forever.
And here's my seven year old child that is my niece.
I've had in the span of about two months.
And you can't ask me anything about any of this.
Yeah.
OK. And he's just like, what the fuck?
And at first he's like, what?
And then he's like, OK, I'm just going to go with this.
No.
No.
Duh.
No.
No siree, Bob.
If my kid tells me... No siree, Bob.
If my kid says you cannot ask me questions, I'm going to say I have a question.
Here's my first question.
I have a list.
No, you're not telling me that you're not telling me I can't ask questions, especially when you are literally sitting here looking at me with a whole 25 ass fate and your old face.
Yeah.
Tell me you're immortal.
And here's your seven year old child.
You're not going to say don't ask questions.
Go fuck yourself.
It's real fucked up.
Like, go fuck yourself.
And also, like, the baby is supposed to be adopted but looks just like Bella because they CGI'd Bella's face onto that baby.
And he's like, oh my god, her eyes.
I'm sorry.
Can we talk about the CGI, baby?
How can we get through this episode and not...
The cgi baby is what nightmares are made of and the behind when you look at that fucking crazy ass baby yeah that they used like that crazy ass like in between the baby and the the older kid yeah
That is a cursed object.
Why anyone thought that was okay?
That had to pass by so many people.
You know they had fun with that.
You know they were like, Steph, do you love it?
And Steph was like, yeah.
No way did anyone who had anything to do with this movie go, this is going to be fine.
Or this is not going to be talked about.
She's like hazy.
She's like hazy around the edges.
She's uncanny valley.
She's absolutely uncanny valley.
At times she looks like a killer clown from outer space.
Her head is a little...
That took a minute to hit.
She does.
Like she literally looks like.
Are you about to pull up a killer phone?
I'm going to.
I just forgot everything I was going to say.
Like she really does at times
Look like one
Well i was gonna say also her head is like too small and also she's like and her mouth is so wide and babies are small like yeah like some of them but babies be small
This one is like so small and hazy and killer
She's so small
Aiden's holding up a killer clown from outer space.
That's it.
Like tell me that's not Renesmee.
It's actually like cuter than Renesmee to be honest.
It's the big mouth.
That's her.
Those milky snow teeth.
Those milky snowy milk teeth.
Snowy milk teeth.
Why does that feel like it would smell bad?
Milk tea?
That's disgusting.
I hate it.
One of my next notes just says, well, let's see if Bella eats her dad.
I love it.
We'll just put, Charlie was used as full on bait at that point.
Also, like 10 minutes before, like 20 minutes before he meets Bella, Jacob in the movie just drives over to his house, starts stripping and he's like, Jacob, please put your clothes on.
What the fuck are you doing?
And then he, Jacob, like you said, we were watching and Alina was like, he could have just said like, hey, I'm about to change into a wolf.
Literally.
And Charlie wouldn't like bullshit.
And then he would have changed into a wolf.
Yeah.
You got to give him a little warning.
He doesn't give him any warning.
And then just phases.
I'm like, Charlie's an old man who regularly drinks beer.
He's got to have a heart.
He's also the fucking sheriff in Forks, wherever.
I was just in Nebraska.
Yeah.
Forks, Nebraska.
I'm like, God damn, you're going to kill this man.
Yeah, we need him in Nebraska.
We can't lose the sheriff of Nebraska.
I'm like, first you do that.
Then he shows up and sees his daughter who's like, never really looked that good before.
And he's like, why are you looking so great, girly?
Like, wow, Swedish resort did you some good.
Near death really did you well.
Fuck, that's crazy.
You came back better than ever.
And then he sees this fucking killer clown from outer space baby and is like,
Is your niece baby?
Why has it got your eyes?
Why has it got your eyes?
Poor fucking Charlie.
Oh my god.
It's just insane that she doesn't even because in the movie I don't know what happens in the book I forget but like they hug for 42 minutes on screen and she's not even like
Oh yeah she's not even like i want to eat him it's not even like she hears his heart beating or anything because she's not like other girls she's not like other vampires she's really not
She's better than all of us and everyone yeah
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In the book, too, like especially in the book, but they do in the movie, too.
When she first turns into a vampire, she like they keep talking about how like she has to like she's not she she doesn't breathe.
You know, like when you're a vampire, you don't breathe.
But she keeps talking about how she still is breathing in times when she would breathe.
But like you wouldn't.
Because it's an involuntary reflex.
That's the thing.
It's an involuntary thing.
You're not like I'm not actively trying to breathe right now.
Sometimes I think too much about the fact that I have to breathe a lot.
But she'll be like, I was so I was nervous.
So I took an like a breath inside, like a deep breath in, even though I didn't need to.
I'm like, you wouldn't.
No.
Because you would just like float on.
We'd all float on, you know, modest moms.
And we'll all float on all right.
Like you wouldn't just do that.
Yeah.
And she also describes in the book, which they don't really they don't do this in the in the movie, but they talk about how she said her voice is like it sings off.
She had a sing song voice.
So she was like, I couldn't answer the phone and talk to Charlie because he wouldn't he wouldn't recognize my voice.
And all I could think of the way that Stephanie describes it is like a sing song voice.
The singing voice was her being like, hello, mama.
We mean what do we mean by a singing voice hello father like i don't understand good morning i have survived
She also during that same kind of shit she something that's so annoying in the book is they have to make sure you know
That she knows exactly how many seconds it takes everything.
And I was like, what?
Cause she'll be like, and it took me five eighths of a second to, to turn my head and go into the corner.
And it took him 15 seconds to walk from here to there.
And it's like, why did she suddenly develop the skills of a casino card counter?
Yeah.
Like, why is she, like, running the blackjack tables all of a sudden?
Why is she banned from Foxwoods?
Since when?
You're going to kill me.
What?
It might have just been a lie.
I'm crying i just didn't know that was a trait that happens no one talks about it i have to stop i'm gonna pee my pants
I'm literally crying i'm sobbing like people say they're sobbing but i'm sobbing i am sobbing i'm truly sobbing i don't even know what i was gonna say i'll never be past that
I'm like actively trying not to pee my pants why why did she develop that skill and they never never like they don't touch upon it she can also read from really far away oh my god
That's the thing.
I would have a constant migraine if I was a vampire because they're so sensory overload.
They're astute.
I would lose my goddamn mind.
The way she's just fucking, she's just running the tables.
I was like, whoa.
Well, she can't be now.
Mohegan sun doesn't want your ass there's that other one in red though you got caught at fox woods you can't oh my god
Book oh i was also saying i don't even know how to transition away from that but so what
Like arena like rolls up yeah in the book she's hunting right yeah she sees uh yeah renesme
In the movie renesme is just like floating in the air capturing snowflakes for some fucking reason
And Irina sees her and she's like, oh, goddamn.
Gotta go tell everybody.
But then, so Alice sees everybody coming.
Yeah.
Names them all.
I'm also like, okay, so now, and then Alice decides to leave.
Yeah.
She's like, bye.
And she's like, nobody really knows why at first.
No.
But I was like, it's wild that they're, oh, because everybody's going to get killed.
So I'm like, it's wild that there's no resentment toward Bella and Edward in this family.
Like, every year they have a new problem and the entire family is expected to bail them out of it.
It's so true.
I would hate my family member.
And it's like, this is the entire...
This is the vampire government.
Yeah.
And they are constantly up in their business.
Like, they're just always...
Always coming to get them or they gotta come to them
They're always dealing with them
And in that same scene when she's catching the snowflakes and she brings one over to Bella and she's like look I caught a snowflake
No fucking shit I am not being hyperbolic at all
Kristen Stewart looks at that child and goes it's beautiful
Go get me another one.
And I was like... Go on, get.
Whoa.
Get out of here, bitch.
And she's like, okay.
And I was like, do you like that?
No.
That's the other thing.
There is no maternal connection on screen.
No.
And like...
Maybe there's like a hint of a paternal connection but a hint maybe you don't even see them with renez may all that much
No you really don't you see honestly watching her with rosalie you're like that's your mama
Yeah.
She's playing with you.
Go to her, babe.
She seems to like your face.
It's crazy.
She does.
Your killer clown face.
Your killer clown face.
And one of the other things, just to go back to when she first turns into a vampire and she wakes up and she's like, whoa, look at how hot I am.
She, in the book, talks about her flat, empty stomach.
Over and over again.
Just gave birth.
Just became a vampire.
And she's like, flat stomach.
My flat stomach.
My flat stomach.
And I'm like, okay.
Okay.
Not just bleeding out everywhere like every other pregnant lady.
I'm like, well, I realize she's a vampire so things work a little different but I'm like, do we really need to talk?
Like, does it have to be like flat stomach, flat stomach, flat stomach, flat stomach?
Because then she's like,
My flat, empty stomach.
There was no baby in there anymore.
And it's like, okay, she's here.
Do you want to go meet her?
It's almost cooler.
You can hang now.
She can go get you more snowflakes.
I loved being pregnant.
I loved my babies being in my belly.
But it was really cool to have them outside of my belly as well.
It's like, I want to hang out.
Let's go.
And no, I wasn't like, look at this flat stomach.
It was like, oh, I still look pregnant.
I don't think many women who have given birth are like, oh my God, my stomach's so flat again.
Oh my God.
I'm like, I think you're all just like...
You know going through the motions also they they are
So it's the way they discuss and deal with sex in this movie in particular
Juvenile is juvenile as fuck
It is because of course they have to run off and have lots of sex without their newborn child when they can
Even though they have a newborn child that neither one of them knows.
I'm like, hey, you should probably bond with that kid.
Try bonding with that kid for like a minute.
Just give it a shot.
Yeah, just give it a shot.
Because you know also that they're going to age rapidly.
Yeah.
This stage is going to be gone in seven minutes.
Not only that, in the beginning they don't know how long she's going to live.
Yeah.
Because they're like, she's going to age so rapidly she's going to die like next week.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then also, especially in the book, when they come back from the cottage, the whole Cullen crew is giggling and being like, did you break the cottage down because you fucked so much?
Isn't that so funny?
You guys were touching each other last night.
Like one of them is like were you doing taxes and it's like they're i'm like are you all right
Like in the movie it's hundreds of years and you haven't developed any sense of decorum around people
Fucking no they think it's the funniest like goddamn in the movie emmet is like did you break every
Yeah.
And it's like, are you all right?
In what family?
Maybe I'm crazy.
What family is openly discussing that and being like, not mine, babe.
Not mine.
What the fuck?
And then they're getting, you know, when they do have Charlie over,
One of the things that was so annoying was when they're trying to train her to, like, be a human again, even though she was a human four minutes ago.
Oh, yeah.
I'm like, you forgot already?
Yeah.
But they're like, okay, you have to move slow.
And they're like, get up and walk over to that chair.
And she, like, zooms over to the chair.
And I was like, we've seen her walk at a normal pace.
You've been dead.
Walking totally normal.
Yeah.
Why can you suddenly not do it?
And then they're like, and you have to remember to breathe.
I was like, don't worry.
She read the book.
She's remembering to breathe.
And they're like, and blink, do that blink.
And all those things too.
I was like, here's the thing.
I never noticed how much somebody breathes.
No, I don't think I would notice if somebody wasn't breathing.
The only thing I would notice is if they weren't blinking.
Yeah, that would freak me out.
I think eventually I would notice that.
Yeah.
But the breathing thing, I wouldn't clock that.
Probably if they were talking to me, I would assume they were breathing.
Yeah.
So yeah, I was like, that's weird.
I did see a behind the scenes thing.
Speaking of them like moving really fast of how they do that sometimes, at least in this movie.
That took me out.
They attach them to treadmills.
Yeah.
And they run in place on the treadmill.
And then that treadmill is attached to something else that is like a car moving.
That would also, I think, make me like very ill.
I feel like that would fuck me up.
Running and then also being pulled at the same time like yeah stationary running and being pulled would feel real fucking weird
That would feel real weird
You gotta you guys gotta find that video though because it will take you out
Yeah i'll find it
I'll see if we can post it because it is too funny yeah
But yeah, it's...
So there's that whole thing.
And then, of course, the Volturi is coming because we got Arena being a bitch.
Yep.
I still say Arrow for life.
The way he laughs.
We get the laugh of all laughs in this one.
Oh my god, it is...
We watch it twice every time.
I watched it four times this week.
At least twice.
Yeah.
In a row.
You gotta rewind it and listen to it again.
He's lovely.
I love him.
He's great.
He also has really good hair.
Yeah, I just think he wins.
He's my favorite character ever in the entire series.
Yeah, he's wonderful.
Um, they still talked about and they brought it to this one.
So like we were talking about in like the illustrated guide, uh, TM that, uh, they do a lot of into like the immortal children and how like, you know, everybody was obsessed with them, but then they were so diabolically crazy and they would just like destroy villages.
And I was like, is it my youngest?
Yeah.
Super super cute
Diabolical said been there done that i was like
But they really go into it in this part and the way they talk about them
They just cannot stop saying how beautiful they are and it's like
It just makes it weird because it's like it's not
They never just put it as like
Well, they're children, so they're innocent.
And you have this, like... And they're just so cute and sweet.
People, like, automatically, for the most part, if you have a soul, have some kind of, like...
Connection.
Connection, or some kind of, like, need to want to protect an innocent being.
You know, like, that's...
That is how it should be.
But they keep being like, they're so beautiful.
People would follow.
They're just so beautiful.
Yeah.
They don't look at how beautiful they were.
Because I'm like, it's weird.
You don't like, obviously, like when somebody first has a baby, you're like, oh my God, they're beautiful.
Look at them.
But then a lot of the times you shift to like,
Adorable yeah huge like sweet little babe and it's just like the defining characteristic
I also think because you already have the weird fucking imprinting going on and then you bring it to a place of like everybody is obsessed with beautiful vampire babies
It's like we're talking too much about children here and it's really fucking weird
Weird we're getting weird with like looking at kids and there's weird boundaries that are being crossed yeah i don't love it yeah what i do love though is that the volturi
They're just walking for so long.
Yeah.
Like in the movie, you're just like, wow, they're just walking.
I also love that they're just running like a talent monopoly.
Yeah, I love that.
Because they really want Alice.
So like they'll kill the whole Cullen family just to get Alice.
Oh, yeah.
Like that.
I love that Arrow.
He's a collector at heart.
Yeah, he is.
He's just a collector, period.
And he loves what he does.
And he's like, I don't care if it takes a long time.
And from the jump, he's wanted people.
That illustrated God, TM.
He's wanted special people.
Who doesn't want to be around special people?
Exactly.
I don't want to be around a bunch of boars.
That's what I'm saying.
Like Marcus.
Because Marcus, I think, can like...
What can he do?
He can like, can he feel everybody's feelings?
I think he can.
I think he can like figure out like feelings.
I'll have to look it up.
Let me see.
Relationship identification.
Oh, so he can find like emotional bombs.
Yeah.
And like strengths and weaknesses.
Assess it like right away, which is really good to have.
And when they first got together in Arrow and they were forming the Volturi... We talked about this before, but it comes up kind of subtly in this one.
Yeah.
That...
He marcus fell in love with arrow's sister dadim and she like they fell in love with each other
Yep and um
I guess when you know like marcus was like we should run away together and let's just be together because they were like literally in love and just wanted a nice life together
But arrow was so scared of losing marcus's gift that he had his own sister murdered
Yeah
He did do that.
I will say he's a stain on Arrow.
Yeah, we have to acknowledge that.
I will acknowledge that.
That he murdered his own sister.
But in this one, when the battle, quote unquote, is happening, and Vladimir and Stefan.
Who I fucking love infinitely.
Hilarious.
I love them.
I love them.
I love them.
We don't care what you did, Carla.
They they like rush at him and are like we're gonna rip him apart
He holds his arms out and just says finally because he's because he just wants to be with dadim oh i thought that was beautiful
He also looks like handsome squidward
He does look like handsome squidward i just he's a whole vibe and i love him
Yeah, I love him too.
I do love him.
Remember we said it always looked like he was farting the first time we met him?
It always did.
It looked like he had like immense gas pains.
It always did.
And he needed the sweet relief from that.
When he's sitting in a chair.
He struggles.
Yeah.
He struggles.
Yeah, gas will do that to you.
Yeah, it's not great.
But also like there's this is just a little side thing because of course in this one we meet a ton of other vampire clans and like covens.
We meet fucking Rami Malek.
We meet Rami Malek before he was like really Rami Malek.
I wrote Rami Malek.
What the fuck are you doing?
What are you doing here?
And I think he I'm trying to remember he in the book, I believe Benjamin.
Yeah.
And I I want to say like because because they're the Egyptian.
Yes.
And that one, none of them will touch Renesmee at first.
But he's really sweet with her in the movie.
He's really sweet with her like right away.
Yeah.
And he's the one that's like, fuck y'all.
I want to hear this.
Yeah.
He's a fun character.
I like him.
And I think it's fun to meet all these other ones, but I think we don't get enough time with them.
We don't.
I would have loved to get more time with the different covens interacting with you get like kind of a like a mishmash.
Well, and I feel like the perfect way to have done that was to introduce us to more of them like during the wedding festivities.
Yeah, because you're just kind of throwing them all at us.
Yeah that's and like when you're introducing me to that many people no i'm not gonna remember all no like because like we meet like garrett who's like the forever bachelor yeah
And then he meets Kate from the Denali clan, I think it is.
And he says some shit about her because she has that electrical voltage that she'll do.
I was going to say, she can zap your ass.
She can zap your ass.
And he makes some comment, like it must not be that strong.
And she zaps it.
Within one second of being assaulted by her,
He's in love.
He's like, this is it.
We're never leaving each other's side.
Which I was like, I want to see them more.
Like, I was like, because that was weird.
And then all of a sudden they're just together and they're like, I will never leave your side.
And she's like, you tell me now.
And I was like, when did this happen?
Like, I was like, bring me that.
Yeah.
Because to be honest, I'm sick of Bella and Edward.
I don't need to see that shit anymore.
And I certainly don't need to see Jacob and Renesmee.
Bella and Edward have no fucking romantic connection.
They just don't.
And you know what?
What?
We're going to talk about that.
Let's talk about it.
For one second.
Oh, I know where you're headed.
So first of all.
I did have not read all of Midnight Sun, but I have.
It's a big book.
I have scanned through.
And I did note, because when the Irish vampire showed up, I said, oh.
I know the Irish vampires.
I know Siobhan over there.
My girl.
You said, I remember her.
I said, I remember Siobhan.
And I remember Siobhan because Edward in Midnight Sun fucking thirsts after Siobhan in a way he never does with Bella.
Yeah.
And if you go to Sarah Gallagher, who we've shouted out before.
On TikTok, she wrote the why we love to hate Twilight.
She's so funny.
And she goes really deeply into all these things.
She has touched upon this before, too.
So go watch her videos for sure.
But in Midnight Sun, I went back and I was looking.
And first of all, when he first meets Siobhan...
It's the first vampire he's met like after, I think, like being turned.
And he first calls her the largest woman he's ever seen.
No woman wants to hear that.
Which like, wow, Edward.
You better get a different pickup line, my babe.
Yeah.
And she is also the only like curvy gal that is ever explained in the in the Twilight universe.
I think everybody else is just like, you know, slim and trim.
And that's a direct quote.
He says broader shoulders, thicker limbs.
And I was like, do we need to?
Okay.
And he says, then he says, she was profoundly female in shape.
Aggressively, forcefully female.
What does that mean?
Because that's not the only time that Steph loves to say somebody is aggressively feminine.
Or feminine, yeah.
He says it, it's written in Jacob's point of view about, I think, Rosalie and Esme.
Yes.
It's like, what does that mean?
I said, I was like, is she like spraying perfume in his eyes?
Yeah.
Let's go pick flowers in a field.
I love pink.
Like, what does that mean?
Like, obviously stereotypes, but like what?
Yeah.
That's what I mean.
It's feel stereotypical.
It's like, what does that mean?
Aggressively female is crazy.
Aggressively, forcefully female.
Forcefully female.
And then he says, it had been another lifetime that I had last noticed a woman this way.
Goddamn.
And then he said, I found I was hard pressed to know where to put my eyes.
Her face, because then he locks on her face, and he says her face was intensely female.
So her body is aggressively and forcefully female.
Her face, intensely female.
Such female.
In case you wanted to know, he's assuming she's female by what he is seeing here.
Got it.
He says her eyes were enormous, but they were beautiful.
Okay.
Thick eyelashes, glossy hair, he explains it as.
Bitch.
And curvy lips.
Curvy lips.
Aren't everybody's lips curvy?
Hers were curvier.
They literally, ba-doo, ba-doo.
Curvier.
The Cupid's bow, pretty curvy.
He also talks about how she was wearing just, like, this, like, nothing of a dress, and it's just, like, showing all her curves, and he was...
Fucking smitten.
He was in it to win it.
And then another woman comes up next to her, another vampire.
And of course, he calls her a female as well, which for some reason, the term female irks me.
I'm always turned off by that.
It just sounds like me.
Especially when a man calls a woman a female.
It's like female.
Like, I don't know.
And he talks about the other female coming next to her.
And he says coming next to the larger female.
Jesus Christ.
Is that how we're really comparing people?
If you want to love her, you better learn how to talk about her body, yaddy, yaddy.
And he says, well, the first female was the picture of having everything, like extra everything.
Okay.
He said this one was the picture of lack.
Just nothing.
And I was like, what an asshole you are.
He was singing that Meghan Trainor song.
He was like, I'm all about that.
Oh, my God.
He would have.
He would have loved her.
What did she say?
Like the mother skinny bitches.
Is that what it is?
Can die or something?
I don't know.
She doesn't say that.
That's a direct quote.
Verbatim from the song.
The lyrics to that song are insane.
They're wild.
That's Edward's point of view right now.
He said I'm all about that bass.
Yeah.
No treble.
No treble.
No, because treble lacks.
But so there's that.
That's how he saw Siobhan.
Now let's talk about how he felt about Bella.
Then...
He's sitting there because in Midnight Sun, it's from his point of view.
So he's taught everybody's talking about the new girl coming to school.
Yep.
And he thinks of Bella and he sees her face in everyone's mind.
You can see her.
He knows what she looks like.
And he says she's and I quote, an ordinary human girl.
Nothing would take me out like the love of my life calling me an ordinary girl.
At one point he says, despite her ordinary, again, unthreatening appearance.
She was actually, quote, sort of pretty for a human, sort of pretty for a human in an unusual way.
And then he says her face was, quote, unexpected.
Is this a roast?
He says her narrow chin off balance with her wide cheekbones.
Oh.
Extreme in the coloring, like dark hair, light skin.
He said high contrast.
Then he says, then there were those eyes.
Too big for her face.
Too big.
Now I want you to directly contrast that to him saying that Siobhan's eyes were enormous but they were gorgeous.
Like he was into it.
He said these they don't work on her face.
And the way he talks about her fucking clothing in Midnight Sun with Siobhan he's like she wore like
Nothing it was like a little dress it was nothing there was i could see everything
And then with with bella he's like she wore this frumpy ass sweater he calls it the ugly sweater
He's happy she wore it because he's like i can't see anything
So it's probably good that i can't see anything in this front this jumble of clothes
Essentially he doesn't want to see what she's got
Yeah he only likes it when he can see her goddamn clavicle because he loves a clavicle
He just wants to eat it
Yeah he loves a clavicle oh
My god
But yeah imagine imagine bella reading midnight sun yeah and being like like at the end of the movie
She's like i want to show you how much i love you
He's like don't touch
And he's like oh my god like if it will show you my first memories of you
Do not fucking touch me
He throws a copy of midnight sun away
He's like
I don't have any memories.
He starts ruining them all.
Yeah, he's like, I don't remember anything about what I thought about you.
I've always loved you.
Whoa, what are you talking about?
Just sitting there and you watch the movie and you're like,
You just liked the way she smelled.
Yeah.
And you didn't even, kind of.
No, he actually hated the way he smelled.
It repulsed you, but, like, she tastes good, I think?
Or you knew she tastes good?
I think it... Because she's a singer?
Yeah, because I don't even know if he was, like, repulsed by the way she smelled or if he was just, like, trying not to smell her because he was like, oh, my God.
And I think he's just bad at not looking repulsed.
Yeah.
But, yeah.
Like, that is...
That was pretty great
So when i saw siobhan come on the scene i said we gotta take a look at that
Yeah nothing happens in the movie
No they don't even touch upon it
Oh that could have been a fun little
And what's weird is they make it like um what was the girl that in the member in the last movie she was like a little jealous of
Because they like she liked edward and edward like yeah i
For some reason, I thought it was Irina.
I don't think it was Irina.
So I hope not.
Yeah, I don't think it was Irina.
Oh, Tanya.
Is it Tanya?
Tanya is Irina's sister.
Yeah.
I think it is one of them.
So, like, he loved his cousin?
Because I think they're only cousins by, like, vampirism.
You know what I mean?
But, like, still, you shouldn't put that label on that.
Is it Tanya?
Is it?
Let's see.
I think it is Tanya.
Because remember, like Bella describes her in the most like anti-woman way in the world.
Yes, we talked about it.
She's like, she's so disgustingly pretty.
She made my stomach sick and I wanted to kill her.
Tanya had a crush on Edward in the past.
Yeah, and I think they wanted them to get together.
Like that was part of the.
But I think he was never interested.
Yeah, he wasn't interested.
Yeah, that's what it is.
Because she was also, she wasn't Siobhan.
So there was that.
And it's like, they touch upon that in the movies, but they just pretended Siobhan didn't exist.
Yeah.
But she's like, but it's pretty big thing.
And like, it's a moment in Midnight Sun.
So it's like, why wouldn't you touch upon that?
I think that would have been fucking interesting because to be quite honest,
For all they've built up with Bella and Edward, the emotional payoff of that relationship was nothing happened.
And hey, do you want to watch a quick little movie trailer of our best hits?
That
And then she also says and i said fuck you girl
She said nobody has ever loved anybody as much as i wanted to fight her
You don't know my fucking life
I said fuck you
You don't know anything about me in the way i love you can't even say that you don't know everybody
Yeah bella you're being very disingenuous
And guess what
He doesn't love you as much as you love him
How about that
One thing, it's true.
Just read Midnight Sun, babe.
Funny.
And one last thing that I loved during the battle was how, because like Caius, who's a Jamie Lynn Bauer, Jamie Campbell Bauer, who plays Vecna on Stranger Things.
It's so funny because he just does not want to let this go.
He's like, I just want to fuck shit up.
Yeah.
Which is very Vecna.
And also when they're like, you know, he's like, he's not an immortal child.
And like Arrow's like, we're not going to break laws and kill that child because it's not an immortal child.
And he's like, I feel like we can, though.
I feel like we could kill that immortal.
Let's kill the kid.
Let's figure out a way to kill that kid.
I'm like.
Vecna is just like in every universe just out here killing kids.
Like he's like, let me kill a kid.
He's typecast.
Jamie Campbell Bowers just out here being like, let me kill a kid.
Typecast as a kid killer.
That's great really that's great
Damn he's just across universes doing the same shit
It's wild
The biggest thing that i hate about the battle and i said it at the very beginning but i have to say it again is i just hate that alice shows up and every in like in the movie
Oh here's the other thing i actually want to talk about this
Hold on let me get to my my good thing here
So
In the book, they just have a conversation.
Like, the battle that happens on screen where, like, Carlisle dies and I think so many people die.
Like, a lot of Cullens die.
That doesn't happen in the book.
Mm-hmm.
So this is directly from Stephanie Meyer's website.
She says the question, which I got frequently, was how I felt about having a big change inserted into the story during the final climax.
My answer was that it didn't feel like such a huge departure.
What, Steph?
A whole battle ensues and multiple Cullens die.
She said, for me, this moment already happened in the book.
However... No, it literally didn't.
However, we don't get to see it in all its exciting and gory detail because we're seeing the world only through Bella's eyes.
Babe, I feel like we're not seeing it because you didn't fucking write it in the book.
But she says, she goes on, a few of the reporters I talked to wanted to know where in the book this moment was hidden because much like Ashkel, they were confused.
Much like everybody.
Everyone who read the book, they said, no, no, no, it wasn't in there.
I read it.
It wasn't there.
She says, the answer is page 738, fourth paragraph down.
Aro stared into my eyes for a long tense moment
I had no i uh no idea what he was searching for or what he found
But after he had measured me for that moment something in his face changed a faint shift in the set of his uh mouth and eyes and i knew that aro had made his decision
Stephanie, where are all of the Cullens killed in that?
Stephanie, where's the battle where everybody's heads are ripped off and the earth is split into two and everybody dies?
Because also, isn't the whole thing in the movie that it's Alice who's like, here's your future?
Yes.
But then he's doing it to Bella in the book and Bella, like his whole power is he can like see every thought you've had.
Yeah.
That doesn't make any sense.
No, because in the book, they're just talking.
Exactly.
And that wouldn't even work.
She doesn't have the ability to show him the future either way.
So I guess good try on that one.
Also, the weird thing about the ending of the movie, and I don't know if it happened similarly in the book, is that
Fucking Bella like touches Edward to show him like this movie of their whole three years of life together
That's Renesmee's gift Bella's gift is shield yeah I guess she can lower the shield and she just didn't know that
She can lower the shield and like give people memories?
Yeah, and she's figured it out.
Okay.
She was like, oh my god.
You could have seen this shit for like ever, but I just didn't know I could lower it.
But I figured it out because I'm such a good vampire.
I hate it here.
It's...
The way that there are no stakes
It's just like the way that the stakes are completely done so anti-climactic yeah because the the climax isn't real
No and again nothing pisses me off
Nothing yeah i remember i think i watched this for the first time when i was young and i was like oh
Oh my God, I'm so relieved that Carlisle doesn't die.
Yeah.
I watched this as an adult and I completely forgot everything.
So I walked into this and I was like, wow, I don't remember any of this.
Yeah.
And then we got to the battle and I was like,
Oh, none of this is real.
I do remember that.
And I was pissed.
And it makes sense to do it for the movie.
But like Aiden was saying it earlier, that it completely has no rewatchability with the way they presented this twist.
No.
Because...
Like, spoiler alert for The Sixth Sense.
If you haven't heard that one, honey.
If you haven't seen it.
But when you find out the twist in that movie, you go, whoa.
And it blows your mind, just like this battle scene blew everyone's mind.
Because when it twists out, you're like, oh, my God.
Like, holy shit.
How is this happening?
But with The Sixth Sense, the thing that makes that different is then you go, oh shit.
You go, I'm going to rewatch that again.
And now suddenly I'm noticing all the things that actually like the evidence that supports what I just saw in that twist.
Right, right.
And it's actually crazy to rewatch.
And every time you rewatch it, you see a new little thing that you're like, oh, my God, in that like that thing.
This has nothing.
No.
So it's like that twist stood alone with nothing to give it like the rewatch ability of like, oh, I'm gonna watch that again and see if I can like catch it here.
No, because as somebody who literally just had, I rewatched it and I literally got to the battle and was pissed.
I was like, oh, right.
This doesn't happen.
So why, what's the point of even watching it if it doesn't happen?
That's yeah.
You know what?
Like, like it doesn't have a rewatch earlier.
It's like getting on a roller coaster and they just let you sit there for five minutes and then they're like, oh my God, wasn't that the most thrilling roller coaster?
And you're like, no, because it didn't go.
And you want it, like, at the end of it, you're just like, everything just kind of fizzled out.
Which, like, I know.
Trust me, I know.
Writing an ending, hardest thing you're going to have to do.
It's not easy.
I will never say it's easy.
And sometimes it just doesn't come out.
But this one just felt like...
That's the ending.
Like you didn't want to give any kind of stakes, no drama, nothing that was going to leave somebody like, Oh fuck that happened.
You know what I mean?
Like you don't,
There's not a lot to talk about with the ending because it all just wrapped up in a bow.
It did.
And the biggest the biggest like fear they're facing is like, oh, my God, they're not only going to kill our child, but all of us.
But the child being killed is the biggest thing here.
In the end of the movie, it literally ends with Bella and Edward.
Where the fuck is Renesmee?
Yeah.
You're not clinging on to her like, oh, my God.
And also.
Yeah.
Not only did she not die, but you also find out like that guy.
What's the guy's name that Alice goes to get to prove that like a mortal.
Oh, yeah.
It's because of the age.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, they just bring him out and they're like, hey, look at this.
He's an immortal child or not an immortal child.
Oh, Nahul.
Nahul.
Oh, it wasn't.
So you're correct.
But there was an H in it.
There was an H and an N. So look at us both being correct.
Yeah.
He's like 150.
Yeah.
So like you also just realized that you like, like, you know what I mean?
I'm just like, what the fuck?
I just feel that's the thing.
It should have ended since the entirety of.
Of Breaking Dawn was about
You know it really wasn't just about Bella and Edward it was about Renesmee and what's gonna happen and the family and how it's how they're gonna and it was about all of them right and to just end on Bella and Edward which I know what they were doing with that like I get it I'm not yeah I'm not dense
But I know they were trying to be like, well, of course, it's going to end on... And it's like, it needs to end on Bella, Edward, and Renesmee.
And their child.
The new family that they have together.
Right.
You begin with the two of them.
You end with the new family they have created together.
And then it's also just like, okay, look, she gets to have it all.
Whoopee.
Yeah.
And again, it's like...
Poor Rosalie over there.
Just throw her to the wind and it's like, but Bella gets it all.
And it's like, oh god.
It just doesn't feel good.
I don't like it.
This movie is the worst one.
Yeah, I think the earlier Twilight movies are more...
They have the vibe that I like better.
Even Breaking Dawn Part 1, I feel like we watched it so long ago, I can't remember how much I liked it at this point.
Not a lot happened.
Not a lot happened, but it's better, and it has more of the, like,
Themes yeah that early twilight day yeah but twilight and new moon are definitely the best of the two
They didn't know what to do when they when they when they involved a child they had
No nobody knew what to do yeah it's like it all fell to the wayside because they just didn't know they
They made her the stakes but she was barely around mm-hmm
What happens in eclipse
Why can't i remember what i can never remember
What happens in eclipse isn't that when what does happen in eclipse so we got new moon when edward leaves is an eclipse when jake finds out
No
What the fuck happens in Eclipse?
They're all running together.
That one's just erased for me all of a sudden.
Is that when they start building the vampire army?
And they know Victoria's coming?
Yes, that's the newborn vampire army that Victoria's forming to come attack them.
And then that that erupts in.
Yeah.
Oh, eclipse.
OK. That's when like the that's when they have to like sleep in the tent.
And he says, I am hotter than you.
Oh, OK.
So actually, yeah, I don't even remember breaking down part one because I was thinking that was breaking down part one.
And I was breaking down part one is when they get married and go on a honeymoon.
Oh, yeah.
I hate that one.
And then she comes home and she's just like wasting away.
So I take back what I said.
Like that doesn't even have the themes of Twilight.
The first three have great themes and they're fun.
Yeah.
Breaking Dawn part one and two suck.
Yeah, I'm not a fan.
Breaking Dawn 1 and 2 suck.
I could have done without it.
Yeah, that's really it.
I really could have.
And I guess what was going to happen was she was going to go from Twilight straight to something called Forever Dawn.
And it was basically Twilight to them getting married and all that.
I was going to skip all the...
That would have been awful.
But that would have been the worst.
Yeah, we wouldn't have never got... Because I'd much rather get New Moon and Eclipse out of it.
New Moon is so depressing, but it's like one of my faves.
But it has...
There's a possibility.
Aiden also, by the way, our cousin slash nephew slash new producer.
We just started referencing him and everybody's probably like, who the fuck is that?
Who the fuck is Aiden?
Oh, and Mikey's still like here.
Yeah, guys, Mikey is still our friend.
He still works for us and everything.
He just moved to Canada.
Just so you know, like he's not gone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh aiden just like happens to live in massachusetts and like he's all right
We like him
Yeah we're okay but it was so funny because he's never seen a single twilight movie or read any of the twilight books and yesterday he watched the movie with me so i could take extra notes
He was thrown into the deep end of the pool and he is literally going to see
He just ordered twilight to start reading it and i can't wait
I need to know everything about this
I just love the way your journey began was just like what the fuck is this
Was breaking dawn part two the movie you watched the worst movie ever and you were like let me get into this
This is a shit movie but like what's this all about going down this rabbit hole though it's such a it's
It's such a it's like a club it really is we all belong to it's true i'm kind of sad that we're like done
I know now i feel like i want to do something else like this
So if you guys have if you guys have suggestions for what
Because obviously you're still gonna get bonus episodes they'll just be other things different things yeah um like we've been doing between these
But if you have something else that you want us to do this kind of thing with where we're like
We do one and like we have a few other ones in between and then we do a second one
Yeah like a more like a recurring thing yeah or you know whatever
If you guys want to suggest go ahead and see some people suggest 50 shades of gray
I can't do it
Oh my god
We watched one of them i think on screen and i was like i can't yeah i can't watch all of these movies that'll
Make me homicidal
That will kill me
Yeah i can't i can't brain rot that deep
No i can't either
Just anything but that
Yeah but suggest
Yeah i want to hear what you have to say because you guys we we all loved doing this and you guys loved it we love doing it
So we'll listen to what you guys think should be next and we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it
Weird but that's the way you get banned from foxwoods and shout out to state farm
Thank you.
We'll see you next time.
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