God, that feels so good.
Yeah, that's the spot.
Oh, baby.
How are dinners ready?
I'll eat later.
I'm busy!
Oh, yeah, just like a real hand.
Hey Howard, what's going on?
Hold on, Howard, Howard, slow down.
The robot hand is stuck on your what?
You're not going to believe this.
You slipped and fell into a robot hand.
Yes.
Penis first.
Yes.
Now, help me.
I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.
Not funny, Leonard.
Really?
A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk, dude.
That's funny, Oscar.
Please, before my mother walks in, get this off me.
Okay, let's see.
No, no, don't touch.
The program is paused.
Well, then what's unpaused?
No, no, I loaded the wrong program.
The ham thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space.
If you continue the program, it's going to start twisting.
Okay, come on.
Don't tug, no tugging.
Next time, take your own advice.
Excuse me, could you help us out?
My, my, my, what do we have here?
I slipped and fell.
Yeah, we get that a lot.
What is this?
It's a robot arm.
Where's the rest of the robot?
I only built the arm.
Because that's all you needed, right?
Can you please just help me?
All right, all right, hang on.
Stay calm.
I need an orderly with a wheelchair.
I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
Did you get to be a little more discreet?
I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot hand grasping a man's penis.
Why is it hooked up to a computer?
It's what controls the arm.
But it's frozen.
Did you try turning it off and back on again?
No, you see, it's more complicated than that.
No, wait!
Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.
Well, so much for making up for the emotional wounds of childhood.
I did this.
Monty was killed by my hubris and my pride.
No matter what anybody says, this is my fault.
No one's arguing with you, dude.
I got your text.
How about it?
Forget the robot.
What happened to you?
He slipped and fell.
Yes, I slipped and fell in the bathroom.
Bounced right off the tub.
Yes, now he knows what bathtubs are capable of doing when you don't treat them with respect.
Yeah.
They sucker punch you when your eyes are closed.
So what do you think, Howard?
It's not that bad, right?
Oh, no.
A little electrical tape, some solder.
Are you insane?
I've seen space probes that crashed into the desert that were in better shape than this.
You're right.
Monty's gone.
We'll bury him in the morning.
It's a simple ceremony.
I'll speak.
Leonard, you'll play your cello.
Sheldon, honey, aren't you getting a little carried away?
I mean, it's just a toy robot.
Just a toy robot?
Penny.
I know, I got it.
I'm sorry.
Well, don't get the wrong idea.
The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.
Penny, listen, I've got a problem.
Yeah, well, so do I. Look, you've got to stall Leonard a little longer.
I don't think I can.
You have to.
We all have to be there at the same time to yell surprise.
Okay, you have to understand something.
We're in a hospital right now.
Why?
Is Leonard okay?
Leonard's fine.
I'm fine.
Thanks for asking, by the way.
Okay, I don't need your attitude.
Listen, just hold him there a little longer.
Look, I've done my best, but he wants to go home, and I don't know how to stop him.
Okay, how about this?
You keep him there a little longer, and when you get to the party I'll point out which of my friends are easy.
Don't toy with me, woman.
I got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem.
I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around and an alcoholic who's two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.
Thy will be done.
I'm doing this for you, little buddy.
Excuse me, my friend is having an allergic reaction to peanuts.
No, he's not.
Yes, he is.
Look, sir, we are very busy here, and I just... Holy crap!
Please help me.
Who for?
I need a gurney.
By the way, by the way.
Thank you.
So, what do you think?
Do you like her?
She's great, huh?
She's a lovely girl.
Cute as a button.
That's good to hear, because I've got some news.
I hope it's good news, because I've got nothing but disappointment in here.
Bernadette and I are getting married.
Ma?
You too busy bearing down?
Ma?
Stand back, I'm gonna break the door down!
Son of a bitch!
Ma, help!
Hey, Sheldon.
Who is it?
It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
That's not my mom.
It's Bernadette.
Really?
That's very unsettling.
Hi, Sheldon.
Hi.
What's up?
It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials, so I hopped on the first bus and high-tailed it down here to shake your hand.
You put her there, you old so-and-so.
I'm going to see you at work in 12 hours.
Don't you think I could have waited until then?
Holy smoke, why didn't I think of that?
You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz.
You put her there, you son of a gun.
Whatever.
Oh my God, Rowan, what did you do?
It was a harmless Halloween prank, look.
Rowan has a heart condition, you know that?
I thought he made that up.
Wait, isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
This is adrenaline.
We're gonna have to inject it into his heart.
We are?
You are.
I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate and we've only got one shot.
Oh no, I can't.
Hurry, we're running out of time.
Okay.
Just do it.
Oh God.
One, two, three.
Trick or treat, blah, blah, blah.
What?
No, you mean this was all a ruse?
How could I be so stupid?
Finally.
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
You can't leave here.
You've been exposed.
No, I haven't.
It's all good.
Mountain elf.
He takes the elf from off the shelf.
Hellhounds.
Hellhounds, who let the satanic dogs out?
Who, who, who?
Colossal serpent.
I got a colossal serpent right here.
Must you?
Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
Rotting zombie.
Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
Xandor, Wizard of the North.
Ha, I win.
Did you skip the part about being under a two-week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease?
Absolutely.
Obviously, I care about Leonard.
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him.
And I'm not?
It's an earthquake.
I knew it.
Sheldon, it's just a little tremor.
A little tremor that turns routine sinus surgery into a frontal lobotomy.
Oh, I don't care for this at all.
I need to see he's okay.
Sheldon, you can't go back there.
Try and stop me.
Are you okay?
Why didn't you stop me?
Come on, smile.
This is gonna be my Christmas card.
Look at all this cargo space.
We'll get the crib out and you can take it for a test drive.
I'm telling you, this van is gonna be the... Oh, is it your back?
Yeah.
Anyway, let's just get in and see if the GPS can take us to the nearest emergency room.
What was I thinking?
Wallowiches are not unlifting people.
We tip the lifting people.
Do we really have to sit for hours in the emergency room?
They're just gonna give you ice and Advil like last time.
You're gonna feel terrible when I'm in a wheelchair.
Which, by the way, would fit easily in the back of this award-winning minivan.
Fine, we'll go to the ER.
Just stop selling me on the van.
You're right.
It sells itself.
You have to admit, it's a pretty smooth ride.
I was hoping it'd be quieter.
If childbirth is half this bad, you are so screwed!
All right, there's no need to bark at me.
According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack but appears to be well enough to play doodle jump on his iPhone.
We have to fill these out.
Describe illness or injury.
I dislocated my shoulder.
All right.
And how did the accident occur?
You already know that.
Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducts.
Okay, medical history.
Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?
No.
Kidney disease?
No.
Migraines?
Getting one.
Are you currently pregnant?
No.
Are you sure you look a bit puffy?
Change migraine to yes.
When was your last menstrual period?
Oh, next question.
I'll put in progress.
Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders list all major behavioral diagnoses, eg depression, anxiety et cetera.
Oh my God, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?
Episodes of subpsychotic rage.
Ass.
Possible Tourette's. by moles, lesions, or other skin conditions.
Soup tattoo on right buttock.
Okay, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain.
Could you please take a break from being you for just a minute and try being I don't know comforting.
I'm sorry.
They're there.
And everything's going to be fine.
Sheldon's here.
Thanks, it's much better.
