Hello and welcome to or welcome back to Try Not To Care.
If you're new here, my name's Ashley.
I upload every single Monday.
We do some good old girl chat.
I give you some big sister advice.
We talk mental health, navigating life, relationships, You name it.
And with this month being the month of love, I just want each episode to focus on navigating relationships, whether it's with yourself, or with a partner, or with friends or whatever you know, it's the month of love.
Last episode I talked about building a relationship with yourself, how to flirt with yourself, how to bring back confidence and playfulness with yourself.
Today I just want to do a full dedicated episode to spending Valentine's Day alone.
Holidays in general can be really hard to get through when you're single or You're going through a breakup or you're in a relationship that's just not serving you.
Up until I started dating my now fiance, Josh.
I obviously had other relationships, and I was in these relationships during Valentine's Day.
But even though I was, you know, dating someone, it was almost harder to celebrate Valentine's Day because I was in those relationships.
I think people think that just because you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that you love, Valentine's Day and it's so romantic and you feel so loved and so appreciated.
But when you're in a toxic relationship or you're with someone who just does not love you the way that you deserve to be loved.
It can be just as lonely, if not more lonely, than being single on Valentine's Day.
In past relationships, I had the lowest of the low for expectations.
The bar was in hell.
And these guys still couldn't meet those expectations.
They would act like me wanting flowers on Valentine's Day or me wanting them to take me out to dinner, or me wanting a Valentine's Day card was asking for too much.
They'd flip it around and act as if i was too materialistic and i don't love them.
I love gifts and i always need more, and it's like i literally just wanted flowers.
They would purposefully make it into this big thing that we would argue and then they would break up with me so we wouldn't have to celebrate valentine's day together and they wouldn't have to buy me flowers and they wouldn't have to take me to dinner And it would suck.
It sucks to be broken up with in general, especially when you're being broken up with over the fact that you're just asking for someone to see you and to love you the way that you want them to love you.
And it just stings being broken up with a few days before a holiday that's so focused on love and celebrating relationships.
So whether you're in that type of situation you know you're going through a breakup or you're dating someone who's just going to make Valentine's Day hard, or you're single I want this to be motivation for you to be excited for Valentine's Day and enjoy Valentine's Day.
I've been in the position where I'm sitting at home all alone on this special day and I'm all bummed out and I'm scrolling through social media and I'm seeing everyone post their significant others their Galentine's Day and I feel like a loser.
I feel isolated.
I feel alone.
I feel so unloved.
And...
I don't want any of you to feel that way.
I don't want any of you allowing yourself to sit home with no plans.
I don't want any of you speaking unkind to yourself due to other people's lack of appreciation for you.
I want you to actually enjoy your day and I want you to celebrate yourself and love yourself, because you deserve that so much.
Even with me being with Josh, me being engaged, I really love Valentine's Day.
Usually Valentine's Day falls during the week, and Josh and I have different schedules.
He's at work until like 4 pm and over the past couple years being with him, I've I've made my own plans around Valentine's Day and I really really, really love this holiday.
This Valentine's Day actually falls on a Saturday, so I think this is going to be the best Valentine's Day you've ever had, if you listen to this episode.
I'm going to run you through the perfect Valentine's Day schedule everything that you're going to do, from your morning routine until you go to bed.
How to romanticize your day and have fun, even being on your own.
I think this is a really good episode for Valentine's Day obviously, but also any day that you're spending on your own and you don't know what to do, or you're feeling a little bummed out in your friendships or relationships.
You're feeling a little lonely.
This is the perfect solo day.
So, although this is a Valentine's Day themed episode, If you listen to this episode and you love it, I encourage you to come back to it when you're needing a little boost, a little pep in your step, a little reminder to love yourself and enjoy your own company.
So with all of that being said, this is how you're going to have the best Valentine's Day ever.
This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor.
IQ Bar protein bars, IQ Mix hydration mixes and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious low sugar brain and body fuel you'll need to win your day.
The new year means a clean slate.
Time to transform frustration into fuel and power your day with IQ Bar.
The Ultimate Sampler Pack is a great way to try all IQ Bar products and flavors.
You get nine IQ Bars, eight IQ Mix Sticks, and four IQ Joe Sticks, which are all free of gluten, soy, dairy, GMOs, and artificial ingredients.
I love IQ Bar products because they're packed with ingredients like magnesium and lion's mane that keep me physically and mentally fit, which are both goals of mine this year.
I want to take care of my body while also taking care of my brain.
I really love starting my morning with IQ Joe, their mushroom coffee designed for mental clarity and packed with 200 milligrams of natural caffeine.
And I also love having an IQ mix after a workout because it hydrates with electrolytes, improves mood and boosts clarity.
And right now IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20 off all IQ Bar products, including the Ultimate Sampler Pack, plus free shipping.
To get your 20% off, text TTC to 64000.
Text TTC to 64000.
That's TTC to 64000.
Message and data rates may apply.
See terms for details.
It's all going to start with the night before.
Prep is really important.
Obviously, I'm going to give you my list, but the night before Valentine's Day, I want you to sit down and think about what would make your day special.
What would make your day fun?
What are things that you want to do?
So maybe you listen to this episode and you're actually like no, I don't want to do any of what you're telling me to do.
Fine, great, perfect.
Figure out what you want to do and write that down and write out a schedule.
I want you to also take a really good shower before blow dry your hair.
I beg, I beg, I beg, I beg you don't fall asleep with wet hair.
I know it's so annoying to blow dry your hair I skip out on it pretty much every night but it's even more annoying to wake up with your hair not looking good, and also, it's just not good to sleep on wet hair.
I also want you to throw on a cute pajama set, maybe something valentine's day themed pink red lacy, just feminine so you wake up the next morning feeling clean and feeling good about yourself.
You're also going to set your alarm clock to something peaceful, pretty or motivating to wake up to.
I have the hatch alarm clock so I set mine to the little women alarm and then I paired it with the raspberry ganache sunrise so it lights up my room really bright red and it's really pretty around like 7 30.
It's just a really nice way to wake up.
You feel like a princess.
You obviously don't need to use a hatch to do that.
You can change your iPhone alarm to something better than the obnoxious, loud default alarm that apple sets.
That's super triggering.
But starting off your morning routine, you're going to take your time getting out of bed, like i said.
Thankfully, valentine's day is on a saturday this year, so you don't have to rush to school and i imagine a lot of you don't have to rush into work.
Also, this day or this schedule is built around having the day off, so if you have to work, i'm so sorry.
You can incorporate little things from this episode into your routine, but the this is for anyone who has the entire day off.
But once you do get up, you're gonna head right into the bathroom, brush your teeth, wash your face, do your whole morning skincare routine and put on that performative under eye patch.
Please tell me.
You've all seen the girls online talking about how under eye patches are so performative and they do nothing.
And it's so stupid that women wear them.
I don't know how to break this to them, But babes, I was born to perform.
Everything I do is a performance.
And also, why are we nitpicking women wearing cute under eye patches in the same way that we were nitpicking the blemish patches a couple months ago?
If I feel cuter throwing on an under eye patch to film a video or go run errands, you best believe I'm going to do it.
So put on your cute pink under eye patch and go make yourself a good cup of coffee.
Currently I'm loving the stock coffee cold brew.
It's the red one.
With the coffee mate coconut creme creamer.
It's genuinely the best creamer.
I stopped drinking almond milk last year because i noticed it breaks me out a lot.
I get a lot of cystic acne whenever i have almond milk, so i'm back drinking whole milk and i'm so glad i am.
I feel like i missed out on so many years of good coffee, so i make that every single morning.
You're also going to make yourself something yummy to eat instead of just grabbing a granola bar or skipping breakfast.
You're going to make yourself French toast or pancakes with a bunch of fruit on top, maybe a bagel with strawberry cream cheese, yogurt with fruit and granola something that's nourishing, but also on theme for Valentine's Day.
While you're eating breakfast, you're going to send a cute little good morning text message to all the women in your life.
Just a cute little.
I hope you're having a good valentine's day.
I just want to remind you how much i love you, how much i appreciate you, because love isn't just for significant others.
It is so important to practice gratitude in all aspects of your life, in all relationships in your life, just to tell them like, thinking of you, missing you.
I hope you're, You're well.
I hope you're having a good day.
Just want to remind you how much you're loved and how much you are appreciated.
It feels good to give love to other people and it feels good to receive love from people that you're not really expecting to get a message from.
You're not really expecting a good morning message from your best friend on Valentine's Day.
You're expecting that from your situationship, your boyfriend, whoever.
But if you know that your girlfriends are single on Valentine's Day, or they're struggling or they're going through a breakup, this is the time to give them that extra love that they need.
I also think it'd be really cute in advance to make little Valentine's Day like digital cards to send to your friends.
Maybe make them on Canva.
I love Valentine's Day cards.
I miss when you were little and you'd get all those teeny, tiny Valentine's Day cards with candy at the store to pass out to your friends at school.
So this is just a way to be a little nostalgic, have a little fun, be a little flirty and cute with your friends and really lean into the holiday.
After you send your messages, you're going to take it a step further with gratitude, and you're going to spend at least five minutes writing in your journal.
Think of three to five things that you're grateful for.
It can be the simplest of things.
I'm grateful I was able to make my iced coffee this morning.
I'm grateful for all the friends that I just got to text.
I'm grateful that I have the day off today and I get to spend it with myself.
I also like the idea of doing a themed journal prompt for Valentine's Day.
For example, what are a few ways that I could show up for myself today?
What does love look like to me?
How do I want to be loved and how can I love myself that way today?
Sitting down and journaling always makes me feel better, even if I'm not in the mood to do it.
By the end of it, I'm so happy I did.
It's like when you go to the gym you don't want to go work out, but you're never going to regret working out because moving your body feels good.
It's the same thing with journaling.
Regardless of what I'm journaling about, if it's a happy thing or I'm trauma dumping, the release of those thoughts in my head onto paper feels good.
Or if I'm journaling about what I'm grateful for who I love or how excited I am for the day.
It just uplifts my energy, which is exactly what you want when you're spending the day by yourself.
Next, you're going to get ready for the day.
While you do your hair and makeup, you're going to put on some type of self-improvement video or podcast, something that's going to uplift you and make you feel good.
I love listening to music when I get ready.
I love listening to my sad thought daughter music.
I love the tortured poets department.
I'm a folklore girl, but that's not what we're doing for Valentine's Day.
We're not getting into our feels.
You're also going to listen to music once you leave the house, so that's why I say you should put on some type of video or podcast to listen to while you get ready.
I have a few really good self-love and self-improvement episodes that I'll link in the show notes if you're a new listener or you just want to go back and listen to previous episodes.
As you know, I love listening to Mindset, Magic and Manifestation.
I love the psychology of your 20s.
I love the Hot Girl Energy podcast.
I also think that if you're someone who isn't used to going on solo dates and spending time alone, watching solo date vlogs on YouTube will be really helpful in giving you encouragement and being a little reminder to you that not only is it okay for you to spend time alone, it's such a fun thing for you to be able to do.
It's such a privilege to get to spend time doing your favorite things, and it's so powerful to be alone, but not feel lonely, and to enjoy your own company.
When you're getting dressed for the day I don't want you to get dressed for that activity.
Let's say that all you're doing is getting a coffee.
So you're like well, no one's gonna really see me, it's not that important, I'm just gonna throw in sweatpants.
Don't minimize the activity that you're doing just because you're doing it alone.
I talked about this in last week's episode, but so many of us feel like we only deserve to get ready and look good and feel good when we have company.
We don't deserve to do our hair, do our makeup or put on a cute outfit unless someone else is there to see it and validate it.
Yeah, you might be spending valentine's day alone, but just because you're alone doesn't mean that you don't deserve the same amount of effort that you'd be putting in if you had a hot date for valentine's day.
I want you to treat your alone time like you're going on a first date, and the reality is this is a lot of your first time going out by yourself, taking yourself out on a holiday.
Treat it like it's a first date.
It is your first date with yourself.
Dress as if you're trying to impress someone.
Really lean into Valentine's Day.
Wear something feminine or lacy or like pink, red with hearts on it.
Accessories.
Accessories are a girl's best friend.
You could wear a big pair of sunglasses or a bow in your hair or lots of jewelry.
You can throw on a red lip or a shimmery pink gloss.
Anything that makes you feel confident and hot and sexy and flirty and like you could rule the world.
Another thing that's going to add to the energy is putting on a Valentine's Day playlist.
There are so many that you can find on Spotify, but I personally like making my own playlist because obviously I like my own music taste and I want to flip through songs that I already know I like instead of looking for one.
I will also link my personal Valentine's Day playlist in the show notes.
But whatever music you put on, you just want to make sure that it's something that's going to uplift you, inspire you, make you feel happy, make you feel hot.
Another playlist that I made that I really love, I turn to it daily.
It's called I think it's called I have a glass of wine and I feel pretty.
Even if I'm not drinking, I still like to put on this playlist because it's It is so feminine.
It's so powerful.
It makes me want to dance around.
And that is the energy you want to be tapping into during Valentine's Day.
So you're listening to this music while you're driving to your destination.
Your destination is whatever you want to do, but it's going to be a solo date.
This Valentine's Day for me is not going to be a solo date, because it's a Saturday and I will be with Josh.
But our plan for the day as of now is to go look at wedding bands and and drop off my engagement ring to be resized.
And then we're gonna go see Withering Heights and we're gonna get dinner.
Everything that we're doing, except obviously the wedding bands, you can do by yourself.
For your solo date, you can go to the movies, you can go see Withering Heights.
You can take yourself shopping, go to Barnes and Nobles, pick out a book.
You can do an activity like painting pottery.
You can go to a museum.
But whatever you do, you just want to get out of the house and do something during the day.
If you're having a hard time figuring out what to do, ask yourself if I had a date for Valentine's Day, where would I want them to take me?
What would I be doing with them?
What is my perfect Valentine's Day?
And then go and do that with yourself.
I know it's difficult and I know it feels awkward to walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for one on Valentine's Day.
But Valentine's Day is just another day.
And if I was a hostess or a waitress at a restaurant and a hot girl came into my work asking for a table for one, I would think that's such a boss move.
I would be so inspired by that.
Treat yourself.
Do a good meal.
You deserve that.
This episode is sponsored by Nutrafol.
Real change doesn't come from some big flashy moment.
It comes from routines you commit to.
It's the small things you do every day that quietly add up over time.
That's the idea behind Nutrafol.
It's built around a simple, consistent approach to hair health that works from within and delivers visible results over time, not overnight.
Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists.
Building a routine with Nutrafol is easy because you can order online without a prescription.
They offer automated deliveries and free shipping to keep you on track.
Nutrafol offers multiple formulas for men and women, tailored to different life stages, like postpartum or menopause, and lifestyle factors such as plant-based diets, so you get support that's actually right for you.
I take the women's formula and I'm specifically taking it, so my hair is long and luscious and strong for my wedding in August and I have a good six months to do it, so I will keep you updated.
Let your hair become one less thing, taking up space in your head, and see thicker stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding, in just three to six months with Nutrafol.
For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners 10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafolcom and enter promo code TNTC.
That's Nutrafol.com spelled TNTC.
N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com.
Promo code TNTC.
After your solo date, you're going to treat yourself to another coffee or another kind of drink or sweet treat.
Maybe it's a matcha.
Maybe it's a lemonade.
Maybe it's just a brownie or a donut.
But this time, try to aim for it to be Valentine's Day themed.
Like right now, Dunkin' has their Valentine's Day menu.
They have their brownie batter donuts.
They have the heart-shaped donuts.
They have a few different valentine's day drinks.
Wait, i want to look to see what they actually are.
I'm looking at the duncan app right now.
They have the toxic espresso, which is so cute.
I already got that and it's really good.
It's raspberry mocha with chocolate cold foam.
They also have well, they always have this, but it's a cute name.
The sweet on you, it's their coconut caramel with sweet cold foam.
They also have a heart eyes daydream refresher, which is strawberry, dragon fruit, oat milk, sweet cold foam and blueberry.
And they have so many other drinks that are so cute.
They also have, ooh, they have a Valentine's Day Munchkin donut hole treats tin.
So it's like a box of chocolates, but donuts.
That's so cute.
Like that would be so cute to get for yourself.
It's just something to look forward to and end the day with.
I would much rather go home with a sweet treat in my hand than go home empty handed.
But once you get home, you're just going to relax, lay down for a couple hours, chill out, take advantage of the fact that Valentine's Day is on a Saturday.
Lay in bed, lay on the couch and then, once it's late enough, you're going to order yourself your favorite takeout.
You already went out for the day, you don't have to feel inclined to also go out for dinner.
Pick out your favorite food.
It doesn't have to be valentine's day themed.
Treat yourself to a little door, dash a little delivery.
My personal favorite food to order out will always be Chinese.
I also really, really, really love this Mexican restaurant that's near me.
It's called Tequila Sunrise and I get the cornitas tacos with their spicy salsa and a side of rice and beans and chips and guac and a Mexican cola.
My mouth is literally watering thinking about it.
It's so good.
So order your favorite food.
And while you're waiting, you're going to take an everything shower.
I mean, most deliveries take 40 minutes to an hour.
So you have plenty of time to jump in the shower, exfoliate your body, wash your body, shave everywhere do a hair mask like act as if you got a hot date coming over really take care of yourself take your makeup off get back into your cute pjs do some skincare light some candles set the vibes in the living room or your bedroom wherever you're gonna hang out get a really cozy big blanket and by the time you're done with all that your food should be delivered Obviously, you can spend your night however you want, but my personal favorite thing to do when I'm staying in for the night and having a solo self-care night is to read a book or play a video game.
I also love binging television shows.
I love watching movies.
But when I imagine the perfect solo Valentine's Day, I am ending it with a rom-com or even like a feminist type of movie.
So while you're eating your food, you're going to watch a really good romantic comedy.
I love people we meet on vacation.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a classic.
10 Things I Hate About You is also a classic.
They're super cutie.
They feel good, but they're not going to make you get in your feelings and be like oh, I wish I had a boyfriend.
I wish I had a girlfriend.
They're cute.
They're funny.
They're an easy watch.
Or if you're not really in the mood to go down that route and be all lovey-dovey and think about love interest, lean more into the feminist kind of movies Legally Blonde, Gone Girl.
Gone Girl is like my favorite movie of all time.
Actually, no, it's like top five, but it's a really good movie.
Little Women, Jennifer's Body, She's the Man.
Just movies that are female-focused, that are about empowerment, that showcase strong women where...
Yeah, there's men there, but it's like they're not that important.
It's kind of like, why would a man be there?
They're there because they're a side character.
They're not a main character.
And obviously you need a good drink.
I personally would lean more towards some wine, some Savvy Bee, some Pinot Grigio.
My favorite wine is the Little Sheep of New Zealand.
It's literally like $12.
I don't have an expensive taste in wine at all.
I mean in college.
I would just drink barefoot out of the box and slap the bag.
If you know what I mean.
But if you're not into wine, you're not drinking.
Make yourself a little mocktail, a dirty soda maybe.
Grab a poppy, something you enjoy and is a treat to you.
And then afterwards, just climb into bed, read a book, finish with a little journal prompt.
Think about what went well throughout the day.
Reflect on spending time alone and just unwind and chill and drift off to sleep.
And it's going to be the best thing sleep of your life, you know?
Pop some magnesium while you're at it.
You're going to have the best sleep of your life because you spend the whole day just taking care of yourself, loving yourself and having the best time ever.
That is the most perfect solo day, in my opinion.
Spending time alone can be really scary and uncomfortable, mainly because sometimes we rely on other people to fill the gaps of silence and sometimes we lean on people when we're anxious in public, and it just feels easier to do things when you have someone with you.
But, just like anything, it's hard until you do it.
I personally love spending time alone, especially when i have the whole day planned out, because When you're alone, you get to do whatever you want.
You're not being rushed.
You can eat what you want.
You can shop where you want.
You can listen to whatever music you want.
And there's no one there bringing down your energy, being like, let's go home.
This is so boring.
I don't want to do this.
You get to do whatever you want.
Some of the most fun I've had is with myself.
And I know that sounds kind of sad.
But it really is such a blessing to enjoy your own company.
So just remember that, leading up to Valentine's Day, if you don't have plans with friends or with a partner, it might seem like the end of the world.
You might feel like the biggest loser ever, but it's actually such a good thing that you have a whole day clear to do whatever you want.
So embrace it.
That is where I'm going to end today's episode.
Before I close it out, I do want to remind you that the day before Valentine's Day, I am releasing merch.
So if you want to get some Try Not To Care, merch I'll link it in the show notes once it's available.
But you can also find it on TikTok and Instagram.
I'll be posting about it there.
Also, let me know what you do for valentine's day, whether you already know what you're doing or if you want to come back and let me know what you did for the day, especially if you spent the day alone.
I want to hear all about it.
You can leave a comment on spotify and let me know what you're doing or what you did, but i hope you have the best valentine's day ever.
I hope this episode has helped you and encourages you to go out there and celebrate yourself as always.
Thank you so much for hanging out with me and listening to me.
Yap, i will talk to you next monday Bye.
