Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbinspodcast.
I am so glad that you're here with metoday.
It is always such an honor to get to spend some time withyou.
And I want to start by acknowledging you for choosing to listen or watch something that is going to help you create a betterlife.
I think that's just super cool that you're taking time foryourself.
And it's a real honor to spend that time withyou.
And if you're brand new to the Mel Robbinspodcast, welcome to thefamily.
I'm Mel and I'm in a mission to empower and inspire you with tools and the expert resources that you need to create a betterlife.
And today you and I are going to talk about romanticrelationships.
Imean, let's faceit, romantic relationships are not only a critically important part of creating a meaningful and profoundlife, but they can be socomplicated.
And just a couple monthsago, I stumbled upon thisconcept.
It'sincredible. It's called the four levels of arelationship.
And it literally blew my mind and you need to learnthis.
The four levels arerelevant, whether you'resingle, like so many of my friends or two of our adult children aresingle, or they're alsorelevant, whether you're in arelationship.
And you're notsure, is this the rightperson?
Is this going to workout?
The four levels are going to blow yourmind.
And if you're married likeme, you need to know theselevels.
Because you just assume that your relationship is going to go to thedistance.
Well, just because you have a ring on your finger or the person sleeps next to you every single night inbed, that doesn't mean it's going tolast.
And if you don't know what level you'reon, it's not going tolast.
Infact, the most dangerous mistake that you can make in a relationship is not knowing what level your partner is on versus what level you'reon.
And being on different levels creates all the friction and problem in yourrelationship.
Sotoday, you are learning this game-changingframework.
And I cannot wait for you to hearthis, for you to usethis, and for you to share this with the people that youlove.
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Hey, it's yourfriend,Mel.
And a couple monthsago, I stumbled upon this concept called the four levels of a romanticrelationship.
And it literally blew mymind.
So I picked up the phone and I reached out to the guy who createdit.
His name is MatthewHussey.
He's a New York Times bestsellingauthor.
And he has been helping people for more than 17 years to feel more confident and in control of their relationships everyday.
More than 3 million people turned to Matthew Hussey for relationship advice on his YouTubechannel, which is dedicated to helping you create a better lovelife.
And I cannot wait to jump into this conversation because I am certain that his four level framework is the best relationship advice that nobody has ever toldyou.
So without furtherado, please help me welcome Matthew Hussey to the Mel Robbinspodcast.
Oh mygosh, you're in thehouse.
I can't believeit. This isexciting.
I'm waiting for thisone.
Oh, haveyou?Yeah. Looking forward to talking withyou.
Well, I've been waiting for YouTube because you run the number one channel for advice on all ofYouTube.
And I cannot wait to learn fromyou.
I can't wait for the person who's listening tolearn.
And here's where I want tostart.
You have this incredible framework that you use when you're coaching people onrelationships, using fourlevels.
It's called the four levels of arelationship.
Can you explainit?Yeah.
Levelone,admiration.
Level two is mutualattraction.
Level three iscommitment.
Level four iscompatibility.
I love this concept and this framework because if you don't know what level you'rein, no wonder your relationship isn'tworking.
Let's go through these levels one by one and really break themdown.
Let me start withthis. Level one is justadmiration.
That's when you seesomeone, you may even see them fromafar.
They may not know youexist, but there's something you admire aboutthem.
You think they'reattractive,hard,impressive, whatever it maybe,compelling.
Now, on itsown, notimportant.
The persondoesn't, they're not attracted toyou.
This is completelyunrequited.
There's nothing important aboutit.
It's just you having decided that someone is animpressive, wonderful or just attractiveperson.
Then there's leveltwo.
Level two is mutualattraction.
Now, this is when two people findchemistry, aconnection, there's a shared attraction betweenthem.
Now, this is perhaps the most dangerous level because when we get attracted tosomeone, which by the way for many ofus, we feel like doesn't happen nearly oftenenough.
And then we find that that person is attractedback.
We feel like we found the holygrail.
Yes. Like this isit. It feels like anexplosion.
It'slike, oh mygod, this is the most important thing in theworld.
I have to do everything for thisthing.
Yes, so this is level two and this isdangerous.
Why is thisdangerous? Because on itsown, it's not thatimportant.
A connection is not the rarest thing in theworld.
That's a sexual chemistry is not the rarest thing in theworld.
But it feels when you find it like it's soimportant.
But we realize it's not important when we get to levelthree.
Level three iscommitment.
Two people actually saying yes to eachother.
Youknow, the number of people that I speak to that startwith, I have this amazing person in my lifethere,this, they'rethat, they're theother,they're, youknow,math, you do this person that we can talk aboutanything.
We have the most amazing timetogether.
And Iknow, I already know there's a huge buttcoming.
Otherwise, it wouldn't start with all of this amazingstuff.
And the punchline often is some formof, but they don't want arelationship.
But they say they're notready.
But they're confused aboutme.
And it'slike,okay, so we're in leveltwo.
We're not in levelthree.
And there's a world of difference between those twoplaces.
Level two is a plot ofland.
It may look like a plot of land that's in a great part oftown.
Or it looks over a lake or is in an amazing part of thecity.
It's an amazing plot ofland.
Well, something amazing could gohere.
You meet a person and theconnection, theattraction, the chemistry makes you feel like you've got an amazing plot ofland.
And all you can see is what could get built on that plot ofland.
And how incredible that couldbe.
Yeah. But in order for that to becomethat, you need abuilder.
And the next questionis, do you actually have abuilder?
Because when you have a builder and two people buildtogether, they create something extraordinary on thatland.
They build theircastle, whatever that castleis.
And the more you buildit, the more on night itbecomes, the more beautiful itbecomes.
It is weathered in all sorts of ways that are distinct to yourrelationship.
The secret room's no one else knowsabout.
The only the two of you knowabout, it's your castletogether.
That's what'sbeautiful.
That's what makes a relationshipreally, really special is all of the work that's gone into building something trulyunique.
The only the two of you could havebuilt.
Now imagine the scene of you sittingthere, building away at thiscastle.
And the other builder isA-wall.
They're not eventhere.
They are somewhere else because they're not trying to build withyou.
They're not trying to have arelationship.
They just want anexperience.
It's a completely differentthing.
So, level three is arelationship.
It'scommitment. Level two is just anexperience.
This ispainful.Well, I shouldn't say it'spainful.
