Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny) | On Purpose with Jay Shetty

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My dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage, If you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears.

No matter what, you show up, get out there and grind.

The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty. He won the only Jay Shetty.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose.

I'm your host, Jay Shetty.

Today, I'm sitting down with one of the most entertaining and unstoppable forces in comedy, Burt Kreischer.

From being named Rolling Stone's number one partier in the nation, to becoming one of the highest grossing stand -up comics, Burt has built an incredible career as a comedian, actor, podcaster, and entrepreneur.

With six Netflix specials to his name, Burt's latest special, Lucky, was number three in the top 10 most -watched TV shows on Netflix.

Burt continues to sell out arenas, and is also the co -host of Two Bears, One Cave, One of the top comedy podcasts worldwide, Bert's energy, storytelling, and ability to connect with audiences is unmatched, and I can't wait for you to hear it.

Welcome to On Purpose, Bert Kreischer.

Bert, you know what's funny?

What? I still remember the flight we were on together, and we sat down next to each other, and I'm going to sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say, you were the nicest person in the world.

Oh, wow. And you were so kind and you were like, I can't remember how you started the conversation, Maybe you can, but you're like, I really like your stuff.

I love what you're doing.

And I was the idiot who's living under a rock.

It was like, I think I know what you do.

It's really cool, but I don't know.

And then I came back, and I told my team, I was like, oh, sit next to Bert Kreischer.

We're texting. He's such a nice guy.

He was so wonderful.

And they were like, you met Bert Kreischer?

They're like, he's amazing.

He's funny. And I was like, I'm the idiot who doesn't know.

And it was just one of those moments where you were so kind, you were so endearing, you were so sweet and I was really touched by that interaction.

I never in a million years thought the number one party in the world and me would have something in common. You've got a weird thing that like, usually only like Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston get, where you're strikingly attractive.

So when I sat down next to you I was like, whose eyes are these?

And then I was like, wait, I know him.

I was like, oh shit, oh shit, this is Jay Shetty.

I've listened to so many of your interviews.

You're so good. You're so good.

And so yeah, I was so excited.

And then I get told by like, I'm friends with a professional wrestler, Cody Rhodes, and he said, you know when I met you, I've never seen more of a pro wrestler personality.

Like you, explain yourself within a sentence and then explain why you should like me.

And I'm like, but it's, yeah, I'm a talker on a plane.

And you were so funny already.

And I was like, oh, this guy's hilarious.

Cause you were like, you know what, like, you're good, But I'm a pretty big deal too.

And you'll crack it.

And I'll always crack.

That doesn't sound like me.

And I'll always crack.

But it was endearing.

Like I wanna put it out there like, I'm not trying to overcompensate, but it wasn't arrogance, it was like I was laughing with you.

And it was just so, you just broke the ice and I was like this guy's amazing.

I texted and DM'd him.

I'm such a fan of yours.

I really am. Well now I am too, so that's what I wanted you on the show.

Thank you. When this opportunity came up, I was like, Bert's the best!

And then I got to watch the special too.

And I was just like, I really wanted to get inside your mind.

I was like, I really want to know the person behind the amazing success that you've had and the wonderful, endearing person you sit next to on the plane.

I was going to ask you, you probably had some crazy plane stories.

I want to know what's the craziest plane story you've ever had, seeing as that's where we met?

I got a good one. I'm going to say real names too.

I sat next to a woman, first class, when I was just married with kids.

I had Ayla and Georgia, but they were still really young.

and the woman was coming back from Tibet and she was like, had the beads on and Hannah all over hot attractive probably a little older than me maybe I'd say 43 I was 30 maybe 6 at the time and we start having drinks and we're talking and then she says uh what do you doing when you land in LA I said I'm going home she goes don't come to my place let's have sex I said what she goes I've been mad of divorce that's why I went over to Tibet I'm a little lost but I'm just looking to get.

And I went, okay. I said, listen, I'm married.

And so that you have the wrong guy.

I go, but I got the right guy for you.

She said, really? And I said, trust me.

Can you just trust me?

So we land and I call Mike Young because he's a real name.

I go, Mike, you want to sex tonight?

And he was like, with you, I go, no, I got a beautiful woman, 43 years old.

And he goes, yeah, give her my number.

She gives her another mugger.

They meet at the comedy store.

They go back to her place, they have sex. They've never talked again.

and I was like, boom man, slam dunk!

I got great ones, I sat next to Ric Flair one time.

And we both drank identically.

We both ordered drinks for our wives and ourselves and then drank our wives' drinks and then drank our drinks.

And I was like, woo, Ric Flair and I drink alike.

I had a girl walk me into my room in Soho the other night.

She was like, hey, I'm gonna come to your room.

I was like, and I got out the door and I said, listen.

I was really drunk.

I go, listen. It's very sweet of you but I'm married and I'm happily married and I don't cheat on my wife.

And she had this weird look on her face and I woke up the next morning.

I called my wife. I told her, I go, I just. I'm such a great guy.

And then there was a note under my door.

And it was like, Burt, I wasn't trying to have sex with you.

You were too drunk.

You couldn't remember what room you were in.

And you didn't have a key.

I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.

I was like, oh, I shut down a Good Samaritan.

How did your wife react to stories like that?

When you're like calling her up?

I've been doing that our whole marriage.

Our marriage is based on fun.

And laughter. I mean, for real.

It is probably the funnest, by far it's the funnest relationship I have in my life.

We joke nonstop, we're in couples therapy right now, and as we walk out, I decide who won or who lost. Like it's just a blast. And I've been doing that ever since, ever since we were young married couple, I'd text her, I go, just do you know, I'm getting jocked.

And then I sent a picture, and Leanne's like, she's got a lazy eye.

And I'm like, oh man.

Yeah. And she gives it back to you too?

Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Her and my daughters are just bullies.

Like bullies, like they've never, they call me baby walrus.

They never, they bust my balls harder than anyone I've ever met, other than my two sisters.

The women of my life run my life.

Isn't that the best?

Like my wife, we just did this video and it was planned by my team, but we did this video where my wife rated my looks on the red carpet for the last seven years or however long it's been.

Oh, that's great. And all, dude, I've got some embarrassing red carpet looks.

And my wife does not hold back in this video.

She just goes for it, and she's got so much banter, and she's got so much sass.

And it's like, all the comments are like, she's a savage.

I'm like, yeah, you think she looks cute and all this stuff.

That this woman can like go in and it's, and I can attest to the fact that those are terrible looks.

But. So, Baby Walrus started, our chat thread, Baby Walrus.

And it was pictures where they thought I was cute.

And it's like the worst pictures ever.

and it's like one of them is me on a surfboard covered in uh in like in sunscreen.

And I just am sitting crisscross applesauce on a surfboard and I look fat and I got a hoodie on.

It's so bad but it's them sending pictures where they think I look cute, but I look like an idiot.

Yeah, and so are they playing you or they think you look cute?

I mean the picture on baby walrus is horrible.

Let's see we're gonna have to get this for the edit as well as everyone on YouTube.

It's the one of me on the surfboard. Oh yeah yeah I see.

And they're all just pictures of me looking horrible.

Oh God, the worst. We'll get back to the family in a second, but I wanted to, were you always the Class Clown?

Was this always natural for you?

Were you the guy who could make everyone laugh and get attention?

Was that who you were?

No, I was like, dare I say like, painfully serious.

Like, I mean, I always was funny, but I didn't know, I thought what I was doing was cool and from the outside looking in it was and it was funny.

So I didn't realize that I was being funny.

I think a lot of comics have this.

Like, uh, I told, I just told the story in therapy the other day.

When I was in first grade, I played second base.

I'm really into baseball.

I was really into baseball growing up.

I played second base.

Fly ball to me. Bases loaded, fly ball to me.

I catch it and then I spike it and I take my shirt off and I start dancing.

Now my dad was livid.

He was like, what is wrong with you?

And, but everyone laughed and I thought what I was doing was cool.

And then people were like, yeah, but they just see this six year old, seven year old dancing, shirtless and second base.

And so my whole life, I think I was always trying to be serious.

I got a dress up as kiss for the talent show.

I'm just dead serious.

Like you're going to watch me like kill it out here.

And I remember being in the thing.

I had a guitar, Dick's card, didn't have strings.

I was going to air guitar.

And the kid looks at me and he goes, the kid next to me had a violin and he goes, the guitar and I said, no, he goes, what are you gonna do?

I said, just rock out.

And he was like, you're just going to go up there and dance.

And I was like, and then when he said it, I was like, this sounds silly.

Yeah. And then I just went out and just air guitared and danced in my mom's tights, no shirt, her belts around my chest, white face paint that me and Brian Callahan put on.

So yeah, I think, and I, and I think I was that way all the way through high school.

I don't think I was very funny in high school, although I was, I learned how to tell a story in high school.

It wasn't until I gave up sports in college, that people started saying I was funny.

What made you learn how to tell a story in high school?

Going to an all boys' Catholic high school.

It was the best. It was the best, man.

I'm saying the best. Your currency was, could you hold a table?

Wasn't chicks, wasn't did you look good, could you hold a table?

And so for lunch, that you'd have a table, you're boys, 12.

And I would practice my story coming from religion to the table.

I'd be like, all right.

So we did a beer run, right?

And I'm driving, came and comes in.

He dives in a dog, grabs his leg.

I take off that's and I'm practicing the story.

And then I get there and they'd be like, Hey, uh, tell us about the fight.

And I'll be like, okay, got to pivot.

Here we go. And I remember the first time I set a line that like worked well, I said, dude, he got knocked out.

I mean, this punch started in Miami and ended in Washington state.

And they were like, Oh, like it was just, it was like, storytelling was our thing.

And if you could tell a good story, like at beach week, you came up to the room.

Everyone wanted to know if you hooked up with that check and you had to have a story about it.

Yeah. I remember one guy came up, older kid and he was like, yeah, I need a condom so I used a plastic bag and we're like, just wild stories.

And then when I got to Florida state, that's when I started realizing I was funny.

I went to an old boys school too, but what I realized is that a lot of the guys had imaginary girlfriends.

So a lot of the stories were just made up, and when you'd figure out that Felicity wasn't real, because that was an American girl's name off a TV show, and not a girl's name in England.

There's no one I've ever met in England called Felicity, and then one of our guys was dating a girl called Felicity, we're like, he's been watching too much American Pie, that's like the feeling we'd get.

Girls were a perfect example.

I was so painfully serious about losing my virginity.

I mean, I was dialed in.

It was my only focus.

And then when I did, it was such a tragedy that that story became, I remember sitting down and they're like, bro, tell the story.

And all of a sudden, there's like three deep.

And the story I've told, this may not be the right setting for it but I'll just say it was fast and I did it wrong.

And I mean, there were like dudes standing, three people deep to hear their story and then, you know, we had two lunches, so the next people coming that it was time Rodriguez like, tell it again.

And I mean, everything was like a tragedy, like a comedy of tragedies for me.

And you've never reconnected back with this person.

The woman? The woman.

No. Yeah. You know her?

Yeah. I know her very well.

No way. That's Tampa though.

I know her. I know her brother.

Her dad just recently passed her dad was a legend.

Her dad was a legend.

I got to say this and she cheated on me at prom with my best friend.

And we had to go spend the night at her house.

Now I'm like a really sensitive guy and I was so humiliated that instead of going back into the house where they dropped us off, I went out into her car and I said, I'm just going to sit in her car.

This is your wedding number, car to get home.

I didn't have any way to get home.

So I sat in her car.

I said, you know what?

Screw it. I'm going to, I'm going to sleep out in this car.

And I laid in the backseat of her car and her dad just comes out and knocks on the window.

He's like, you know, boxers or whatever.

And he's like, buddy, this isn't how it's done.

I was like, what? And he goes, I know you're hurting right now.

Come in the house. Trust me.

I'll make it comfortable.

I said, I look, they know I've been out here.

And he goes, Oh, we all know you've been out here.

He goes, just walk in the house and sleep inside tonight.

I'm gonna give you five minutes.

So we went in and waited five minutes and I walked in the house and very slick.

Her dad was like, was like Bert, well, can I get you to drink?

Would you like a beer?

And I'm and I was like, oh, I would love a beer.

And he was like, great, come on, we'll go sit outside, and just made it very smooth.

But yeah, I still know her.

Wow, that's epic. Yeah.

That's epic. I remember breaking up with a girl and I was just upset that her father used to have Manchester United season tickets and he'd still always take me along, and I remember when I broke up with her it was like harder breaking up with her dad than it was with her, because we were having this bromance moment of supporting the same team.

And it's just, when I think back to times like that, think about how like those moments felt so big then.

And now when you look back and you laugh at them, right?

Like it's at that moment, that humiliation, was that like the biggest humiliation you'd had at that point in your life?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

And I've had bigger, I've had bigger, but yeah, that was like, that was tough.

Because I thought I was cool.

You know? And I think that's a little bit where my comedy is.

I always come out the fool a little bit.

You know, I'm always getting myself into something bigger than me.

I always think I'm doing the cool thing or the smart thing and I always screw it up.

I read that your dad was an interesting figure for you growing up and he had like a certain take on life of like, men don't cry, boys don't cry, they don't show emotions.

Is that true? What's that like?

Because I think we hear about it now and it sounds almost like a character because of where society is kind of moved into now.

But that was very real.

Oh, very real. My dad, my dad's a great dad.

I love my dad. But he just was like, Hey, you don't cry.

I was 11 years old, I was playing catcher and I got hit in the mouth of the baseball bat and I lost like 26 teeth.

And my dad came over and he's like, okay, don't worry.

It was my birthday by the way.

And I was like, he's like, don't worry.

You're okay. Mom's going to take you to the dentist. I need you to go to a shortstop.

I was like, what? He goes, you're not dying.

And if I sub you out of the game, we forfeit the game.

So finish out the ending at shortstop.

And I remember being like, what I've been injured and he goes, yeah, go finish shortstop.

And they hit a ground ball to me at shortstop.

I caught it through it.

The first, my dad goes, I'm really proud of you go to the dentist, but my dad just, he just didn't, it was not, he didn't hit us, you know, but like, He just was like, I remember his, when I got into comedy, he told me really clearly buddy eat shit, cash checks.

That's how the world works.

Eat shit, cash checks.

His dad was in World War II, he stormed like Omaha Beach or Normandy and his dad never talked about the war, sat in the garage, watch Mets games, listen to Mets games and drank beer.

And so my, and my dad lost his at 13.

So I think my dad was just doing the best he could, but yeah, he told me, I mean, I remember, I remember it like an older, I remember getting anxiety attacks.

This is how flat my dad was.

One day I'm laying in bed.

it's like after, after David Letterman and I'm laying in bed, I had to be 10 years old.

And all of a sudden I have this very crisp realization that death is real.

And I went, hold on.

I go one day, you're going to tell me my dad's going to die.

And I went, oh my God.

I started having a real panic attack.

And I went into his room and I woke him up.

My dad doesn't wake easily.

He's like, if you wake my daddy's like, you know, and so I scared me.

I woke him up and I was like, dad, are you going to die?

And he goes, what? I said, are you going to die?

And he goes, yeah, you are too.

Go back to bed. And then I went, wait, I'm going to die.

I didn't think I can.

You would die, but not me.

And that was my dad.

I, I'm, I had kids with panic disorder and I was so not my dad with them.

I was so like, yo, I got you.

You're going to be fine.

Like, but yeah, my dad just, he was just trying to do the best he could, uh, uh, stuck into a house that he couldn't really afford to make an ends meet.

He's got three kids, didn't expect the third one.

He's a lawyer. I don't think he ever wanted to be a lawyer.

I mean, I'd say that.

I don't know what he'd say, but I wouldn't say he like loves his job, but it's his job and he does it, but that was his, do not cry, do not cry.

And if, and when I got older and we got into a something and he saw me like well up, he'd be like, Oh, you better enough cry.

And I'd be like, no, I might explain why I cry so much as adult now.

So you just hold it back.

I tried my whole life.

And then I remember the first time seeing him cry.

It was when I graduated Florida state and they didn't let me graduate.

Two teachers failed me because I was written up in Rolling Stone magazine and they were, they thought I embarrassed the school, so they failed me and I had to drive up to Tallahassee and they told me the administration's saying just go talk to the teachers, and I went to drive up to Tallahassee, and my dad walked me up to the car, it was like six in the morning, and I was getting in the car to drive to Tallahassee, and he started crying and I'd never seen him cry.

I was like, what is this?

He was just, and he was like, when someone fucks with your kid, they don't even know.

Like, I was like, I was like, I drove in silence, no music, just in the dark, just, what did I just witness?

Did you ever talk to him about that?

No. Still, till this day?

No. My dad's an interesting guy.

He's changed a lot, the older he's gotten.

He's way more sensitive than he was when I was a kid.

Joey Diaz gave him marijuana one time on accident.

He gave him a handful of marijuana popcorn.

It's the first time my dad had ever had marijuana.

Easter morning. Kids are searching for eggs.

My daddy's a handful of popcorn.

I go, buddy, that's weed.

And he goes, what? It's popcorn.

I go, no, there's weed in the popcorn.

He goes, how do they put weed in the popcorn?

I go, dad, it's called an edible, and you just ate a lot of it and so he was, well, what do I do?

And I grabbed a handful and I said, I'll go with you.

We're going to both eat.

We didn't, we both ate weed.

We did a podcast that day and, uh, and then everyone leaves and it's me and my dad.

Highest crap, drinking whiskey at like five in the afternoon, smoking a cigar really high.

And I leaned over to him.

I go, why don't you like me?

Ooh, I'm gonna get emotional.

He just goes, he's you you just make me uncomfortable he was like I love you and I'm afraid you're gonna die and so I don't know what that does but I'm afraid you're gonna die I'm not gonna die and he goes you don't know that here's I lost my dad when I was young I'm terrified to lose you and I don't understand you I don't understand your lifestyle and I said well how can we fix this and he goes I want to get you a cardiologist and I said okay and he goes you do that I could I want you to feel more comfortable with me and he was like I can get you a cardiologist I can do all the tests I can pick

all the tests they do.

And I said, yeah. And he goes, okay.

And he had a cardiologist Monday morning for me, Dr. Cenan, and, uh, they did the CT scan, they did the stress test. They did all the tests my dad wanted and everything came back clean.

And my dad's like, no, you'll go to him every six months.

And I said, yeah. And I want to say it from that day on our relationship has gotten so much smoother.

I mean, I've forgiven him for stuff that he's did and we're just a lot, a lot closer now, It's incredible, isn't it?

Like our parents trying to hold us back from seeing their pain, but actually seeing their pain is the only thing that kind of penetrate and make you go, oh, wait, they're a human too.

Oh, I found out my dad was human when I was 21 years old and I remember finding that out and I didn't understand it.

My parents split up and I was so mad at my dad and I didn't want to talk to him.

I did. I just, I was wanting nothing to do with him.

And my uncle Jerry called me and he goes, uh, when was the last time you talked to your dad?

And I said, it's been a while.

And he goes, well that shit's over.

He goes, you call him today.

He's your dad. No, no, no, Jerry.

I'm a mad at him. And he goes, yeah, you just found out your dad's a human.

Okay. Your dad's a human.

He's a regular man.

He's not some superhero.

So you call him and look, you don't have to say I love you.

Just call him, see how he's doing and just touch base.

I did. And then that, that was period, you know, that was a growing period at that.

But, uh, Yeah, he's a pretty great dude.

I'll just say this.

A lot of people will be at his funeral.

That's the testament for a great man.

That's a big deal. Yeah.

Oh, it'll be... Yeah.

He obviously means so much to you.

Oh, yeah. I think everyone's dad does, don't they?

I mean for all our differences and we have a ton of a ton of work.

If you met me and met him, you would not know we were related.

He's pretty quiet, does not want to get on stage and sincerely doesn't want you to get on stage.

I mean, he just saw me do standup for the first time at the Amelie.

No, after all these years.

That's all these years.

I did the Amelie, which is the arena in Tampa.

And I said, yo, if you're going to, you should come and see me here.

I understand like comedy clubs, but you should come to the arena.

it's a big deal, dad.

He got there and I don't think he realized what was happening for real.

Like he knew I was doing a show there, but he called me and he goes, Wade Boggs is here.

Wade Boggs is like our hero playing baseball growing up.

I said, yeah, I know.

I put him in your box.

And he goes, no, but he's here.

Do you think he knows you?

And I said, daddy's at my show.

He was my, I just saw Mike Alstott, football player.

I go, yeah. And he goes, do these people know you?

I said, dad, I'm the reason they're here.

And then he came backstage and Derek Brooks, who's a legend, played Florida state, played it at, at the box, is backstage talking to my dad.

My dad's staring at Derek Brooks going, and he goes, and Derek goes, can you believe how Farbirds come he's doing the Amelie and I, he goes, I was his first show with pop bellies and Derek Brooks leaves.

My dad goes buddy, Derek Brooks knows who you are.

I was like, yeah, I know dad.

but we just spent time with him.

He knows who you are, too, now.

But yeah, my dad, that was the first time he taught me to stand up.

What did he say? I gotta be honest with you.

I think it makes him uncomfortable.

Like, I think he kinda half looks and half like I don't think he laughs a lot at it.

I don't know. I mean, he says, he goes, you're good, but I make him uncomfortable.

I had a great Shaq joke that Shaq wanted me to put in the special.

It's, dare I say, borderline racist, but Shaq and I talked, it made us laugh.

It's shacks like you got to put that in the special.

And my dad's like, that does not go in the special.

And I was like, dad, Shaq says it's okay.

And he goes, I don't give a shit.

I, I am not comfortable with that joke.

So I took it out. Shacks like, you took it out because your dad?

I got a better Shaq joke now.

Oh yeah. What's the bad Jack Joe.

I can't do it. Is that, I don't think your audience wants to hear it.

Go see me on the permission of party world tour in September, there we go, that's pretty aggressive.

Oh, that's fun. That's fun, people can look forward to seeing that.

But whatever, you know, when I'm hearing about your relationship with your dad, I think it's so interesting where we just talked about that unlock of you figure out your parents are human and you also get context of their humanity.

Like you were saying, his dad died when he was 13 years old and he saw that and then he was scared of losing you.

Like, I remember my dad took me to his, the home he grew up in, in India.

and his home was the size of this room.

His home. So the kitchen's in a corner.

By the way, there's five kids that grew up in this house.

There's a bed over here.

We get there outside, there's bats, cockroaches and rats everywhere because he grew up in this slum -like area, disgusting, I'm nine years old when I first go.

And then they shared a toilet with like 20, 30 families.

And I remember going there at nine years old and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed.

Because all of a sudden I had like a reference point.

Now my life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that.

And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at nine years old, which like freak you out.

And you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet, walked back to his house.

He was the youngest of five kids.

And all of a sudden you just get like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at.

and it sounds like you had that moment as well.

And I guess my question is, it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation.

Like it's not like you've sat there and theropized it out or fixed it, but there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you, where he can come and watch you on stage, even when he hasn't for all these years.

Like would you say there's been healing, and you said there's forgiveness from your side, like what does that look like when there isn't a conversation, because I think today we've got so much about, you got to have the conversation.

Yeah, no. You know I think for my dad, a lot of it was he always had the answer.

You know, my dad's the kinda guy, that when I was a kid the Iraq war started, and I came home and I was against war because I knew that's what hippies were about, and I wanted to be a hippie, and so I thought that's what the, right answer, I'm against war.

And my dad's like, no, you're an idiot.

Why don't you go to your room until you realize what an idiot you are.

And then when you come down, I'll explain to you why you're an idiot.

So I went to my room and I was like, I don't know why I'm an idiot.

Like, what did I, and everyone should be against war.

My guy came downstairs.

I go, I don't know why I'm an idiot.

And he goes, okay, there's a lot of interesting things about this board. Number one, it's the first televised war we've ever seen.

We're watching them go to war.

It starts like a football game.

And me and you have the opportunity to watch this.

Number two, this man, Saddam Hussein is a monster to his own people.

And we are going in to get rid of him.

You do not know any of the politics.

So shut your mouth and sit down and watch the war.

And my dad was like that with everything.

Have you ever said an idea?

If I, to this day, if I say, uh, if I say something, anything political, my dad takes the opposite side and will tell me.

So in a weird way, it never gave me a foot to stand on politically.

It's why I don't talk about politics on stage.

Cause whatever I would say, my dad would tell me, I was, I was wrong.

He wanted to show me, I think he was protecting me from looking foolish or protecting me from being the guy at a party that was a know -it -all and, you know, my dad kind of flew under the radar always.

And I think when I started getting successful, there was a part of my dad where he no longer had an answer for me.

He no longer had the solution.

He couldn't, he couldn't put me in the right direction.

When they fly they're older.

I send them to a special entrance at the airport.

It's a little expensive, but it's easier for them.

And my dad had a broken hip and got knee problems. my mom's, my mom's a piece of work.

My mom's like me, okay.

And so, uh, and he gets really upset.

He's like, buddy, I don't need this.

I can't, you can't afford this.

And I go, I definitely can afford it.

And he's like, no, you don't know.

So one day I had to send him like my bank statement and be like, I can afford to put you through there.

And he was like, what the, you like, he just, I think in that, it's not like the, you know, the younger lion taking over the bigger lion, but like me not letting him pay for meals, that makes him uncomfortable, like that's who he's been.

He's been the leader of our family and I'm not saying he's not still our leader, he is, by every stretch of the means, he is.

However, I think not having all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident in his decision made him very uncomfortable, I think, I don't know.

It didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point.

oh I was, Oh my God.

That's all I've been doing my whole life.

My whole life. He didn't like my long hair.

Got a flat top, came into his office and he was like, you look like an idiot.

And I was like, God dang it.

Like all I've ever wanted is that man's approval.

That's it. That's it.

Entirely without a doubt.

I just like when he says, and he says very often how proud he is of me.

Uh, it doesn't, it doesn't miss me.

I hits me in the chest and it makes me feel great.

And the fact that he'll call up and it'll be like, buddy, we went to the macaroni grill, you know, I say my, I say my last name and they go, are you led to Burt Christ?

Or they knew you were buddy.

I got a table right away.

They gave me, they usually do the bacon there.

You know, the big bacon.

My dad's like that.

He, uh, he loves it and I, he, and I think he kind of loves my, whatever celebrity I have, cause it trickles to him.

And now like, when he goes to like, when he goes to like, he went to my special him and my mom sat backstage.

I didn't go in there.

They sat on chairs on side stage and he's deaf and like not deaf, but he's losing his hearing.

So I'm doing the show and I hear him say, what did he say?

I'm like, Jesus, Dad, she said, he said he saw her suck his deck.

What's he, she lost weight, Albert.

She, he saw her, give her a bl.

Leeann gave him a blow job and I'm like, will you two shut up?

But yeah, they, uh, yeah.

I'm, I'm, I'm constantly seeking his approval.

I think it probably could be said for my career.

I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval.

I want people to like me, I do.

I want people to have a good time and I want people to go, you were fun.

I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time and like me.

When was the first time you felt like you got his approval?

Will Smith. Yeah, Will Smith, well, I got a deal at like 26 years old.

I've been doing standup, on my 26th birthday, I was in New York and I was just partying.

I wasn't doing standup.

I'd been there for a couple of months and I got hammered the night before.

It was my birthday, my phone rang at like eight o 'clock in the morning, nine o 'clock in the morning.

And I saw it was my dad caller ID and I said, you know, I'll answer it.

Let him say happy birthday and I'll go back to sleep.

I answer it and he says, you are a tremendous piece of shit.

And I'm like, I go dad?

And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's your dad.

And he goes, you are worthless.

You have no humility.

You're doing nuts. He goes, I just perjured myself in court because of you.

The judge said, Al, how's your son doing?

And I said, great. That is a lie.

You are not doing great and you never will do great.

I have failed you as a father.

I gave you no humility.

I taught you no life lessons.

You never had to work for anything.

Things came easy to you and, and I'm telling you.

And I said to him, I go, it's my birthday.

And he goes, I know what day it is.

He goes, I gave birth to you.

We were there when you got born.

And he goes, I'm telling you.

And I was like, out and I go, well, okay, so what do I do with this?

He was nothing. He goes, I'll flip the bill, be a party boy.

And I was like, well, I wanna, I wanna, I don't want you to feel this way about me.

And he goes, no, you should not want to feel this way about yourself.

And I said to him, what can I do?

He said, well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage.

You'll go to that man and you'll say, my name is Burke Chrysler.

I'd like to be a standup.

I'll clean up. I'll mop up, I'll, I'll flip burgers.

I'll stand out. I'll do whatever you need, but I need an opportunity.

I said, I remember saying to him, I go, I can't do it today, tonight cause I have a party planned.

He was silent and he just goes, you have a party, because you don't deserve a party.

What are you throwing a party for?

You're a failure. You go to that club tonight, you take yourself to dinner.

I want you to write down some goals.

And then you, after that dinner, you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to, you'll do whatever you can and you'll do it for free.

And I said, dad, that's not how it works.

I remember him very clearly saying, Hey, for some young black kid in Harlem, that's how it works for him.

Do you know why? Because he has humility and he knows how to get what he wants.

That's how it works for him.

It doesn't work for you because you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you.

And I went, okay, so I said, all right, I'll do it.

So I didn't, I took myself to a restaurant on seventh and Bleecker.

And then I wrote down 26 goals that I had planned for that year.

So I was starting at 26 and went to the Boston comedy club.

I met a guy named Louis Schaefer and I told him exactly what my dad said.

My name's Bert. I want to do this.

When if you have any advice, anything you do, to get me on stage and Lewis Shaver said you should move back to Tampa and I went, what?

He goes, you're not gonna be a comedian in New York, you don't have what it takes.

And I went home, almost like victorious, I was like, so Dad, this is how it works, I told you I was right, I called him the next morning, he goes, how did it go?

I said, not good, and this is exactly what he said, and he goes, perfect, this is what I want you to do, you go back tonight and you say the same sentence as if he damn never said it to you.

And I said okay, so I said, well what do I do if he says the same thing?

He goes, you're gonna do that every single night until there's a point where you're gonna break him and he's going to go, fine, I'll give you a job.

So I went back that night, and I went, hey, Lewis, my name's Burke Kreischer, I want to be a stand -up comedian, I'm from Florida, he goes, didn't I tell you to move back to Florida?

I go, listen, here's the deal.

My dad called me a piece of shit yesterday, I feel like a piece of shit, I need an opportunity.

I go, I'm going to be doing this every night for the next year, as long as you keep saying this, and he went, fine, if you can bring in 20 people, I'll put you on at the end of the night.

Nice. And I was like, for real?

And he goes, yeah. You can go on after, right before Godfrey.

and I was like okay and man I brought in 25 people someone got heckled Karen bergerine got heckled by four Puerto Rican guys I brought in because one was going to jail the next day and I was like I said I and Lewis Shafer comes out he's like where's a comic and I was like no one's here and he's like you're on let's go put me on stage and frat boy Bert came out and I lit these four Puerto Rican guys up so hard and cuz I knew that guy was going to jail and I I mean, I was like, hey man, have fun tomorrow.

Don't drop the soap, place is going nuts.

And I was like, can I give you advice about jail?

I was like, suck it before you end the...

I mean today, it was so great.

They walked out of the room, the place went nuts.

And I was like, and I got a job.

Louis Shaver's like, you can do this every night.

Six months later, Will Smith discovered me.

Will Smith discovered me and my dad was floored.

He was floored. We watched the Fresh Prince on Monday night, every Monday night.

It was a six figure development deal.

And I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer.

And I said, what do I do with this money?

He goes, I don't know.

I've never gotten a paycheck like that.

He goes, buddy, I remember him stuttering, I can't tell you.

I don't know. He goes, let me hook you up with Bob Kazarian.

I still remember the guy's name over at Merrill Lynch. And we'll figure it out.

And that was when my dad was like, you met Will Smith?

Will Smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch T .V.

shows, And he was like a blessing on my life.

Yeah that's beautiful I didn't realize we had Will in common either.

Will's a bit I mean look I love Will.

Yeah one of my favorite people.

He's one of my... He's like family to me.

He is he is the sweetest guy in the world.

He was so good to me.

He gave me great advice.

We're about to pitch ABC Jamie Tarsus.

God rest her soul. And I had I drove over from the valley with him and JL and James last year and I had to piss and Will came in.

And he goes, I'll go to the bathroom with you.

So he sat at the stall right next to me at ABC and all any guy knows that the sound of a man's urine hitting a toilet sometimes indicates how big their, their, their d**k is.

And he had a fire hose.

I mean, it was like, and I got, I couldn't pee.

I got, I got gun shy and we'll says to me, can I tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood?

But I'm still in my head going pee, pee, pee.

I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear one word. And then he goes, and then he stops being, I realized if I can't be next to Will Smith, I can't sell a show next to Will Smith.

I start peeing. And all I hear him say is be yourself.

That's it. That's the only thing I heard. And then I went into the room and, uh, Will was like, Bert used to party hard or something.

I was like, yeah, you ever tried to knock yourself out?

And they're like, huh?

And we used to do that in college year and you had to do it on the side of a, uh, like put your head against something.

Cause if you just hit your head, it's not going to happen.

And I knocked myself out.

It was just Like, and we sold a sitcom that day.

I love that man. He's the best. Yeah, he is the best. Dude, it's like, as I'm listening to you, I'm just like, there's, it's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with, you know, you and your dad and your dad telling you like, on your birthday, just go play and then we'll sort it out later.

What was the power of that?

Like, what was the good thing about that?

And then what was the hard thing about that?

Like, there was good, obviously, that came from it, this work ethic, this ability to turn up, the ability to push through pain.

But there must have been some pain that stayed which search for that approval.

But what was the good and the bad?

Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.

You know he had a mentality, you shouldn't cast checks.

And when I was at Travel Channel, at the very tail end, I was just hoping to get renewed. And I knew they were changing presidents and I'd lasted like three or four presidents, but every time you went to a new president, and it was money and I needed money, had a family.

I was ignoring standup, I was ignoring the podcast. past, all the stuff I do now.

I was ignoring all of it.

And I was at the beach with my dad.

We're having a cigar, a glass of wine.

And he goes, so what's the deal?

What was our plan? I was, I think I was 42 years old, 43 years old, looking for my dad's approval.

And this is so my dad, I go, you know, buddy, eat shit, cash checks, thinking ego.

That's my guy. And my dad started crying.

He goes, Oh, I think I up.

He goes, eat shit, cash checks means is for guys like me with no talent, guys like you need you need to go after your talent wow and he was he was crying and you know rogan had just said that to me too he had just had that conversation with me and my dad's like if you don't go for it now you're going to regret it he's like do it excited this long -standing offer from showtime gary garfinkel god rest his soul to do a special and i kept pushing it to do travel channel stuff and he goes buddy you should do it you should hey follow your dreams so i i did the showtime special no one watched it because I

took my shirt off. It's like I remember, I remember them saying, yo, if you take your shirt off and give him the reason to change channel.

But what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change a channel back in the day where you were Caesar and you'd be like, no, no is the exact opposite for the internet.

You see a guy with no shirt on on the internet.

You're like, what's this and you click it.

And I posted the machine story and it went viral.

And it was, I remember my, but my dad gave me this like insane thing of, even if you're sick, you show up, even if you're, even if you're hurt, you show up.

I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that if I'm hung over, I work out extra hard. I was hung over.

I flew all drink all day yesterday in New York, flew here last night.

This morning I got up at eight, gotten the sauna for 30 minutes, got in the gym.

We did abs who wants to do abs, uh, ran lifted weights and sweat it out.

But that's my dad's mentality is like, You get up, you do your work, no matter what.

That was the lesson, my takeaway from being 11 and getting hurt, my dad goin', you finish it and you don't let anyone down.

You get, you finish the game.

I had a showcase for ICM one time.

This was just my dad's mentality and there was a guy that went, opened it and the next guy went on was a guy named Earthquake.

Do you know Earthquake?

Yeah on followable black dude who destroys, destroys his name's earthquake.

I mean, just, and he is earthquake because he leaves you the room in an earthquake.

And I watched all my friends.

I won't say their names, but all my, all my white friend, comedians panic, no one wanted to follow earthquake.

And they just came to me, they're like, you want to go up after earthquake?

And I just, my dad would be like, yeah, that's your job, do your job.

And I went up after earthquake and he had a joke, his last joke was about his name, earthquake.

I forget the joke but I knew my first joke was about my name Bert.

So the joke was my name's Bert, I know you're thinking hot sex you name, do you do porn?

No. I said Bert's the last name you want to hear during sex, just someone chick on top of you in the dark going ah, ah, ah, buh and then I go shh, call me earthquake.

And the place exploded but you know here's the thing and this is my dad's, my dad's, Brint mentality is If you don't get onstage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears.

And that's been my mentality this whole career is, you show up, no matter what, you show up.

You got an audition, you show up.

They wanna meet, you want a general meeting, you still don't think it's right for you, you show up.

And that's definitely the way I've taken the road.

Dude, let's do the road.

Make the sun, hey, while the sun shines.

Get out there and grind.

Yeah, yeah, and that's what it takes.

I mean, I feel like comedy is like, There's a new comedian every month that's taken off.

You've had like a longstanding career.

It's hard to do that, to keep reinventing yourself, keep coming back special after special, success after success.

It's hard to do that.

It feels like it came from that.

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cameras. All the feeds went into the car so everyone could stay socially distant.

And I did, I think I did 30 cities, I think maybe 30 cities, 60 shows, shows I did I toured all through the pandemic.

It's just the way my brain works is like, just because you say no to that doesn't mean look, you got to do it.

You got to work. Yeah.

Don't just take the foot off the gas.

What I love about the earthquake story too.

It's like what your dad said, if you didn't put yourself under that pressure, you wouldn't have found that great new take.

If you're a dad right now and you're listening, This is the only takeaway you need.

My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me, you love pressure.

Buddy, when all the chips are on the table, you perform your best. I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure.

You just love it. And I'll tell you my whole baseball career, if we were down, man off first and second, we're down by two runs.

That's when I performed.

When we faced the fastest pitcher we ever faced, that's the guy I hit the best off of.

And I'll tell you is in stand up, I've always done best when the most pressure is on me, I needed to do secret time.

First show I bombed.

I'm only doing two shows.

I bombed, I bombed.

I hadn't bombed with this hour ever.

And I bombed. The crowd had had to wait in the rain.

We had a power shortage.

It just, it was horrible.

And I'm nervous. I got one more show.

This is my first Netflix special.

I got one more show and I'm sitting in the green room and LeeAnn just echoes my dad.

She goes, well, you know you love pressure.

This is when he's going to perform the best, Sit back everybody and man, that show, I mean the best stand up show I've ever had in my entire career was that one show.

That was murderous.

Well, people say with comedians obviously there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff.

I wonder, and you've said before as well like I usually, you know, laugh through pain.

It's like, what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through?

I hesitate to even say this, but I've been very lucky.

I've been very lucky.

I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life and I can laugh at just about anything.

I, I, I laughed at my grandmother's funeral.

I left twice at my grandparents funeral was, um, I'm crying.

I started crying. My dad had a rule like, don't cry in front of your kids.

And I started crying.

And this is before we put Priscilla down.

I started crying. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, stand up. It's him and my uncle Jerry.

And my dad goes, buddy, pull together.

And I was like, I'm upset.

And he goes, why? I go, cause your mom is in a box up there and he's like, yeah, she had a great life.

You celebrate her life.

You don't cry. Can't let you girls see you cry.

Then they're going to be freaked out.

I was like, dad, it's just, it's just hard looking at her.

And he goes, no, no, no, no. You're fine.

I go, well, she, they have her, she's not smiling.

And he goes, are you an idiot?

He goes, do you want her smiling in that box?

Do you have any idea how creepy that is?

And I started laughing.

And then he goes, there you go.

All right, you're out of it.

Good. Let's go. So then at the end of that funeral, everyone leaves my dad and my uncle Jerry.

Oh, I mean, this makes, they go, Hey, come on.

I said, what? They go, let's go.

Let's go say goodbye to grandma.

And this was them saying it's okay to cry.

Oh my God. I've never seen two uglier cries in my life.

This these men let go of years of trauma that I'll tell you, I'll tell you right before she died.

This is the hardest I've ever watched these two men.

Laugh. We go to the hospital.

My grandmother was in congenitive heart failure or whatever.

So we go to the hospital, grandma's on the bed, uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner and they're hiding them, their faces.

Cause they're crying, they're hiding their faces behind the curtains.

And they're really emotional and I, and I'm not for whatever reason, I'm not in that moment.

And I go, Hey grandma, how you doing?

And she goes, Oh, my back hurts.

That's, that's heart failures.

When your back hurts.

And I go, well, do you want me to rub your back and she goes, I would love that birdie boy.

God rub my back. So I start rubbing her back.

I go, I love you so much grandma.

I go, I think you're going to make it out of this.

And then I go, wait, I think you might've dropped a tissue behind your bed.

Cause I can feel, I think there's tissue falling off and she goes, that's my skin.

And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically.

And my dad's going, he's kicking, I'm going, he's rubbing skin over.

bag? He's rubbing skin on her back.

And my uncle Jerry's just, and I'm watching these two curtains shake and I'm just rubbing skin off her back going, I love you grandma.

Yeah, I laugh. I can laugh through just about anything.

Let's when, when was the first time you let you do, I see you cry.

I start, okay. I came home, I was on the treadmill Liannon's in the room with the girls and this is This is in Priscilla's third knee surgery.

Priscilla had five knee surgeries on her second knee surgery.

They realized the other knee was bad too.

They were going to do another one.

The guy goes, listen, you're 15 grand into this dog.

I think it's just, I think we need to put her down.

And I went, what? And he goes, I can't promise that these are going to last, but like I'm telling you the one that we already fixed at the Pat again, we got to do that again.

So she's asleep. I can put her down right now if you'd like.

And I went, well, hold on.

And I went, Oh my God, give me a, can you give me a second?

And he goes, yeah, yeah, give me like, go talk to your wife.

Call me soon. So I start crying and I, and I'm, I'm trying to hold it together.

And I walk in the room and the girls see me crying and they start laughing and they go, Oh mom, dad's crying.

And Leanne goes, girls, if dad's crying, we're all about to be crying in a matter of seconds.

He's like, this isn't funny.

And I go, they want to put Priscilla down and George Arlotto like what?

And then pulled it together.

And we didn't put it down.

We got two more. We got those two knee surgeries, then two more knee surgeries, and yeah.

But they've seen me cry a lot now.

Once the floodgates open, dude, I cried at the Avengers movie when Spider -Man died.

I was sobbing crying and Ayla's mocking me.

I cry at movies real quick.

And you just watch them, they don't even watch the movie.

They just watch me, and stare at me, and giggle.

Yeah. Well, that's why I find you to be such a interesting, fascinating person, because you've got this larger than life personality, you've got this partier background, and then you've got this soft heart.

Oh, I'm like the biggest...

Yeah, yeah, and even when I met you, I could just tell immediately, I was like, this guy's got the softest heart, and at the same time, if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that perception.

I think that's accurate, I don't think anyone, I think people will think I'm a one thing, And then when they find out like the one that always shocks everyone is I've only had sex with six women and they're like, what?

And I was like, yeah, I'm just I wasn't that guy Like I the time I lost my virginity that changed my life and that moment I went from okay I'm not cool guy that could just bang chicks I'm super sensitive guy that needs you to get me because I'm not sure I do this, right?

Like my wife goes much my wife takes those phone calls and she knows I'm never gonna cheap She knows I am a wreck.

I am a wreck. But yeah, and so everyone's like, really?

You've only had sex with a sick guy?

Yeah, because I, in college I'd go to a bar and I'm just hoping someone would get me.

Like I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night.

How does she get about, obviously, all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well, what's like allowed, what do you need permission for, what do you get away with without any?

She says as long as it's funny.

Oh wow, that's... as long as it's not mean.

And it's funny. I'm in, I remember the time I realized she was game for anything.

She farted during oral sex and I, and I made a joke and she started crying.

I said, what are you crying about?

I'm the one in the Firehole.

What do you, what do you do in my shit?

My mouth, what are you, you're crying.

And she said to me, you're definitely telling this on stage.

And I'm like, wait, I said, what?

Can I? And she goes, well, yeah, obviously if I did this, someone else has done this.

I'm not the only one that ever did it.

And it's funny, you should talk about this on stage.

And I did, and man it was like a killer bit for awhile.

But like yeah, she watched this hour and her note was, I'm cool with everything you're saying, I need to know the way you're saying it has love in it.

Like it has to have a smile in it.

Because I was doing, you mean you do material a lot, you get bored of it, and sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you did when you wrote it.

And with this material, I mean making fun of a woman because she's getting older, and she's going through menopause and she's aging.

And if you don't say it with love or a smile, that was her exact word, there needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal in your voice.

Like you need to say.

And so she was really adamant about that.

I love that. She's like a comedy coach. Oh, she's I mean, look, she's not funny.

Let's be very clear.

I take offense. When she tells the people at the party, I'm the funny one at home.

I go, hang on my comedy bought the house.

Let's be real. Okay.

She's a, she's a gangster.

She's awesome. And same with our girls.

she kind of monitors the material and runs it by with them, with her and talks to them about it.

And you know, yeah.

Do they think Dad's really cool or Dad's human?

Oh, human. They don't think I'm cool at all.

They do not. When did it go from cool to human?

Or was it ever cool in the first place?

I don't think it was ever cool.

I don't think it's, you know, I had a period of where Georgia, I could tell, thought I was kind of cool.

Yeah, like Georgia had this, like, we, we took her on fully loaded one year, her and her friend, Daisy.

I got this great picture at the end of the night.

I, I, we, I tell the machine and then I bring all the comics on stage and I'd have them bring me a beer and I'd kill a beer and I'd spit it in the air.

And it would be, it was a fun moment.

The way to close the show and there's always a really cool picture.

And one year. I call all the comics out and then everyone starts walking off and I'm saying goodbye and Georgia comes out.

I got this great picture and she throws her arm in the air like she just did a stand up.

Like she's like, she didn't stand up.

And I was like, what are you doing?

She goes, I just wanted to see what it felt like.

But like, uh, I think they think I'm okay.

I don't think they think I'm cool.

Like in all honesty, if I didn't ever go to their college ever again, they'd be very comfortable with that.

But why do you turn up to their college?

You mean like drop them?

Like parents weekend?

Parents weekend or, you know, we went and looked at colleges.

because I wanted Georgia to go to Boulder.

And so we went to Boulder, and this kid yells out the window, the machine!

And then all of a sudden, word got out on campus, and kids started running and finding me.

And I watched this kid, my child, lose interest in a school very quick, a great school.

One of the best schools in the universe.

I love that school.

And she was like, yeah, I'm not going here.

I was like, what? She goes, I'm not going to a place where you have fans.

I was like, baby, I think that's gonna be tough.

And then she was like, I won't go to Florida state.

I won't go to Florida.

I'm not going here.

Not going to Georgia.

I'm going, I'm going to find my place.

And so I didn't go look at schools with her and the next two schools, she looked at, she loved.

She got into both of them and she chose one.

Wow. And same with Isla.

Isla would, I, they hate when I get recognized.

Last night we flew in and paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport and Georgia was just like, like she walked in and like stood by a wall and She was like, can we just, mom, can we make this stop?

And I was like, I'm not rude, so I'm going to talk to them.

If they want to talk to me, I'll say something to them.

I'm not going to be there forever, but yeah, I think they would be cool if I wasn't famous.

How do you deal with that?

Like, when you're raising kids, you've been doing this for a long time, they've probably been exposed to it since they were kids.

Like how have you had that conversation with them?

Because obviously, it's still not easy for them.

We had a moment, we were skiing.

It was a very luxurious thing to do.

It's not lost on my kids, because we didn't always have money, but we were going skiing and Georgia was having a rough time, just, there was something going on with Georgia.

By the way, we didn't know this, but we all had COVID at the time.

So Georgia's having a rough time and she has a meltdown and she's, you know, you know, what, a junior in college, high school at the time, but she's having a meltdown.

And I'm talking to her in front of where we're staying right by the lifts and we're both in our ski outfits.

I'm holding my snowboard. She's got her snowboard and she's crying and I'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing.

She's going through.

And these two dudes are like, oh shit, the machine.

I just looked at her eyes and she's like, and I was like, what's up guys.

And they're like, can we get a picture?

I go, I'm kind of doing it.

Things like real quick, real quick.

And I'm like, it's easier to just to take the picture than the, and so I takes a picture.

She goes, I understand that this allows us to do this.

She goes, it would be nice just to have my dad sometimes.

And I was like, I know it it's sharing your, your time with fans is what is difficult for them.

And I'm not a good guy at like saying, no, like I don't, I've seen my friends do that before and it always rubs me wrong.

When I'm like, just take a picture with it.

Yeah. I feel the same way.

Yeah. It's like a, like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day and the least you can do islaughing.

Do is take a second and listen to someone.

Yeah. And I'm assuming with you as well, people have great stories.

Like that's how I feel like I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life changing moments.

And I'm like, I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that, it almost gives me fuel to keep going and keep moving because yeah, I hear amazing things.

I'm sure you do too.

I mean, you know, you forget, you know, a little bit of what we do is talk.

we told, you know, there's someone right now that probably has a weird relationship with their dad and is hearing this and this one.

You know, there's things that we hope it's funny too, but you know, like doing the biggest one I always got was you got me through the pandemic because you know, we put out content for them to distract themselves with.

A lot of people didn't have big houses to stay in during the pandemic.

They weren't an apartment and they're just like, this is miserable.

And I get that a lot.

I get, you know, right now the one I'm getting is, you know, you know, we just put our dog down, you I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time.

Thank you for letting us process.

And, but you know, at least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me.

Yeah. And it's like, I mean that, that's something that you do quite uniquely I feel.

Like the ability to make someone laugh and cry, even like, as we've been talking today.

I'm like having like a really emotional moment with you, and then you're like making me crack up at the other end with like grandma's funeral, like being in the hospital.

And there's a real beauty in that, like have you ever sat and thought about like, it was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to cry.

Was this like one of the first times or...

Yeah, I've never done this before.

I don't mean this like cocky but I don't think, I don't think there's a lot of comics.

That's what I'm saying, yeah.

That are doing that and I didn't know if I should do it.

What made you do it?

Like why did you go there?

It was ready, I did that story before Razzle Dazzle, I was going to do it again.

Razzle dazzle. And I just thought, I don't know.

It just, it felt weird to me for that material, that material, it felt weird. And I, and I, and I was in Georgia called me one time on stage, I was on stage and right before I released razzle dazzle, she goes, what are you doing?

I said, I'm doing stand up.

She goes, Oh, are you telling the escape room story?

And I was like, no, why should I?

She goes, absolutely.

Dad. You remember, you almost shit in Papa's mouth.

I went, oh yeah. And then she kind of broke down the story on stage, told it.

I went, that's my closer.

And I was like, good.

I'll get made fun of.

If I do this dog story, everyone's going to make fun of me and, and, and say, I just, I can, I'm thinking of it too much. And then I do this special and, uh, everyone I was working with was like, are you seeing what's happening in the room?

And I was like, no, cause you can't really see anything.

And it's a arena and then I go, we're out there and they're like grown men are sobbing, crying.

Like people are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time.

They're like, this is different.

Like I remember a dude, I really respect, I brought with me on the road.

He's like, that has to be your closer.

He's like that, he was, I don't know, one comic making people cry, but making them happy, cry like they're crying for something they love.

And then they're laughing and you end on a laugh.

He's like, you have to do it.

I just didn't know if it was work.

It was like what you said about writing a book, you sit with it for four years.

And then, and I shot this in July and it just came out this March. So I've been sitting on the special and I just was like, I am going to get destroyed.

Like I, I just started in my head going like, no, one's going to like this.

Everyone's going to make fun of this last story.

They're going to go, Oh, bird always cries.

That's all he does.

And um, and I put it out like the first day it was trending at number two and I went, which I've never tried it over six.

And I was like, whoa, that's weird. And I went into my stories where you people like mention you and it just looks like a straight line.

And I was like, Whoa.

And I was like, I only got one story.

I only had one person mentioning me and I hit it, and I hit it and I was like, Oh my God.

I couldn't get the line to go away.

And I was like, and it was all about this story.

Everyone was just sobbing, crying.

People were sending me pictures of their dogs.

They were holding their dogs.

They were filming their husbands crying.

They were, I mean, it was so cathartic for me and I'm, I'll be very real.

So you, you get on Netflix on a Tuesday, You find out if you trend on Wednesday.

I did press all Wednesday morning from six in the morning till nine o 'clock I don't know if anyone's liked the special.

I don't know if it's trending.

I don't know any of that.

I go and take a nap and I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me.

Like I've figured I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10 I'm going to be happy.

Look, I'm 52. Maybe there's guys doing it better than me, younger than me.

I expect them to just blow my doors off.

Just please tell me I have another year of doing standup.

like the way your head thinking.

And I took a nap, I woke up, and I got a text from a younger comic I really, really like, Ricky Velez.

And he just said, yo man, you're killing it, this is a great special, I've been a fan of yours for a while, I'd love to hang out next time I'm in LA.

Not doing podcasts, hang out, I was like, that's cool, I like this guy, this guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age.

He's doing it way better than I'm doing it.

So I was like, oh nice, I was like, you like this special, cool.

I was like, nice, a young kid liked the special.

And then my text blow up and that's when I went into my stories and I saw it and as I'm watching the stories, people are saying I started sobbing, crying just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like, Oh, the thing I did is good.

It's not horrible. It's not horrible.

People don't hate me.

Oh, I was just sobbing, crying in my bed.

I was like, and then Leigh -Anne comes in from her workout class.

She's like, what's wrong with you?

She just walks in. She goes, you're training at number two.

And I was like, what?

I didn't even look at Netflix.

And then I was like, And so I was like, whatever.

I'm good. My first day was good.

And then it's been like that every day, the response has been crazy.

People really are connecting with that last story.

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Talk to me about what you just said now that that inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through.

Like that idea that one day - Oh yeah.

No one's gonna care about me, no one's gonna care about you, no one's gonna care about 99 .9 % of everyone who's relevant, current, whatever trending we wanna call it.

And there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding onto their last bit of relevance and significance and it's painful to watch. But you understand it because you go, well wait a minute I really liked, no matter how much we say, like, you know, Ellen said something that I love, she goes I used to always say I didn't care what people thought, that's when everyone thought I was amazing.

You know it's like, it's really easy to say I don't care what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world, but then when you actually are not number one, number two, number three, number four, you start getting down on that list, you're beyond number 10, now you do start carrying what people think, especially like what you said, the new god.

Like, and especially when the new god has respect, that's a beautiful thing.

But when the new god's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the new god, who has that overconfidence, that arrogance.

How do you think about that?

Like, how have you reflected?

Have you thought about that at all?

I thought it's all I think he got to remember I didn't, I went like, I was just going to be a journeyman comic.

Like I wasn't supposed to be successful.

I, I, you know, I did travel channel and I thought that was gonna be my life.

And then when I got let go from travel channel and my special didn't do well, never the machine didn't do well.

And I'm getting fat shamed by Tommy.

I was like, okay. I remember saying, are we cool with this?

Can we do this like this at this level.

Like I was the guy at the store when people would talk to me, more successful comments would talk to me.

They'd look over my shoulder waiting for someone better to talk to.

I was a nice guy. People liked me, but I wasn't relevant to them.

And so they were like, Ooh, that guy's, oh, that guy's 28 and he's killing it.

Give me one second, but I want to go talk to him.

And I was like, am I cool with that?

I remember one time coming off stage, not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans and seeing a young comic murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen in, we looked at that brand car and then he had the car they had in the showroom.

I had a car, it was like $220 ,000.

And I was like, Oh, how did, how can you afford that?

So I wasn't supposed to be successful and I was cool with it.

I was definitely cool with it.

I was like, I can just do comedy at funny bones.

I love comedy. I'll keep putting out specials.

Maybe never know. Look, Rogan's a good friend.

I can always do his podcast. You know, that's how my brain worked.

I had my podcast, but no one cared.

And then I had the conversation with my dad.

I got a letter from travel channel.

I had the conversation with Brogan and him and Tommy remember that posts saying like, don't worry.

We can help you get ad sales.

And I was like, okay.

And then I posted the machine story and then all of a sudden it went like crazy.

I mean, I had never experienced that before.

Like genuinely viral.

And, uh, and then all of a sudden I started selling tickets and I was like, Whoa, Holy crap.

This is crazy. is he just selling out, not looking at ticket counts, just going in and no, when everything's clean?

And so I, I really honestly had kind of already let go of all of it, but there's a part of me that remembers, Oh, it was cool.

Like I remember, I remember getting right before I got let go into a Travis animal.

I got into a town car.

They got me a town car for something.

And I remember getting in and going, this is the last town girl right in.

I was like, I should really enjoy this.

So I kept always saying that every time I went to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again.

You only do theaters once really.

I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this.

This is the Chicago theater.

Let's go for a jog tonight and watch the sunset.

And then yo, this is crazy.

I'm doing the beacon.

I probably am not going to sell two shows of the beacon ever again.

So let's really enjoy this.

And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up to the bile to my bus and we hung out and I, and then when I started doing the re I didn't even know I was going to do arenas.

I didn't know I was doing an arena.

I was in, uh, green Bay and I was like, I'm doing an arena.

And they're like, yeah.

I was like, whoa, I gotta really enjoy this.

And so I, every step of the way, have been like, I gotta enjoy this, but then, you know, I take nine months off.

Wait for the special to be released.

And I was, and I did it again.

Am I cool with not being relevant?

Am I cool with not being the thing, the shiny object and maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters.

I remember I texted my manager today and I go, Hey guys, I'm, I don't need to do arenas anymore.

I can do. I love theaters.

So Kevin Hart did a theater.

I go, there's no shame and doing a theater.

A lot of them usually, a lot of me make more money than an arena.

And then special came out and I was like, I did, it was just like a relief.

I was like, I was like, I can breathe.

I can breathe that.

Oh my God. That is like, and, uh, and then we were on a call today and they're like, Oh, you know, do an arenas again in the fall, the fall started in September.

And I told them, I said, and I said to them, I said, you know, Hey, when we book out 2026.

I don't have to do arena tours.

Like I don't have to be holding onto something.

I'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some, some theaters and doing some outdoor venues.

I'd like to do the gorge again, but like I go, let's shake it up, you know?

And they're all like, really?

I was like, yeah. I don't know.

I don't care. Like it's, but that it's, I've watched it go away for people.

It sucks. You're right.

Well, I see someone hold too tightly.

It's why that song Hold On Loosely by 38 Special is so great.

Hold on loosely and don't let go.

Because if you hold too tight girl you're gonna lose control.

You're gonna, you're gonna.

That's a great song.

It's a great song. Hold On Loosely.

No I love that, yeah.

That's a great name for a special, oh yeah.

Yeah it is a good, it is a good name.

I love what you're saying though that, I was driving to one of my clients' homes the other day and this is someone I grew up watching, huge fan of.

Someone that I coach and work with.

And I was driving to his house, and I walked in, and, you know, it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house.

And I was just like, I have to live in the moment that I cannot believe.

And now, I've been working with him for seven years.

So I've driven to this house like every day for years.

But I was like, it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it.

As soon as it becomes familiar, like what you're saying, I love what you just said, I love, love, love what you just said.

because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar you lose its value and then when you lose it you never got to experience it So you realize you never had it in the first place because you were just running after it, you were chasing the whole time, you never held it and what you just said is you held it for that moment.

I still hold it. Yeah, you still hold it.

No, I just signed up.

When I did The Machine, my producer Kale Boyder, He's, he's the, one of the greatest guys, like guys happens to be a great movie producer.

And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna not drink and not, I'm gonna be clean.

I'm gonna work out.

I'm gonna eat clean.

I'm gonna look good.

And he just kind of looked at me and was like, yeah, Hey man, that's not who I hired.

He's like, look, if I know who you are, like, if you're not having fun, you're not going to, it's going to show up on screen, but if you're having fun, it'll show up on screen.

Like if you were having fun and he goes, I can't tell you the movie is going to be hit.

I can't tell if it's going to be a flop.

You never know. But when I can tell you is you probably only going to get to make one movie.

So enjoy this process, have fun.

And man, I had so much fun making the machine.

It was the experience of a lifetime.

Cause everyday I was like, I will never make another movie.

I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines.

Cause I say whatever I want to say.

Like it was like the greatest life experience of my life.

But yeah, that's how I look at every project is this is probably last one I'll do, you You know, I thought, I know I have one more special with Netflix, like I owe them one.

And I go, that might be my last one.

But that only makes it better there.

So the cool thing about a special and I, and you don't, you don't get to experience this.

And I don't think some comics think about this, but I think about this.

So I take this material that I create about 18, 24 months out.

And I take this and I work it and I play with it.

And at a certain point I get bored of it, and I reinvent it, and I come back to it.

but I play with this for two years.

I work on this same stuff.

And when I do my last taping, I did six shows and on my last taping I was present.

And I said, this is the last time I'll say these words.

Oh, it was like, it's like my, I give them the universe, they don't never get them again.

And I get so emotional saying that, but you know, you're so, your material is who you are.

And I can't, and I go, this is the last time I'll say this word, this wording in this cadence.

And it's just so it's with a band you never do that.

Yeah, and then sometimes you tell a story like a machine and you've been telling it now for 15 years, I just still tell it.

I'll still tell it.

Listen, I was that story.

You changed my, I sat, I sat in the Ryman theater.

There's a woman named Angela Johnson, brilliant comic.

She got a great nail salon bit.

I was with Arsh fear and Nate, Nate.

Barghazi, none of us were working very well.

None of us were making money.

She had sold out the Reimann and they were chanting for this nail salon bit and I said to the Lord, I said, Lord, give me one bit that people give a shit about.

I'll tell it until the day I die.

And he was definitely listening.

He was like, I got you.

I'll one up it. I'll make it a 12 minute bit.

You're gonna make a movie out of this bit.

I got you. Yeah, and that's my nail salon bit.

You've always been so open about mental health when I talk about anxiety.

And you know, that's a big priority for us here as well because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that, people don't get to see that within people, you've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts, like, why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are gonna pick at that, look at that weird, your peers kind of, where did that get you, get that courage and confidence?

Oh, I think it was stupidity.

I think, I mean I just was like, you know, when I got into the business I was like 100 % transparency.

I was watching comics as a character, And I was like, that doesn't seem fun.

So you're gonna pick a character and then you're staying a character your whole life.

I was like, I'm going to be Burt and I'm just going to be Burt and anything I think I say, and I'm going to live by this sword, die by this sword. This is my thing.

And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, it's I have anxiety.

Like I have anxiety, I have really bad anxiety.

I have OCD. I have intrusive thought.

I have, I have struggled with that.

I don't know. I don't think I have depression only because I just, I can't, I can't, I can't, I think people that have ever real, real depression think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression.

I know what it's like to have anxiety.

I had an anxiety attack driving in college and I didn't know what it was.

I thought I had a brain tumor and then the first time I was explaining it to someone and the, and I, this is, I mean, this is probably 27 years old, 28 years old, I was explaining it to someone and they were like, oh, you got anxiety attacks.

I went to a therapist and she said, I have a fear of flying.

I don't know if you noticed, but I have a fear of flying rituals.

I do. When I fly, she said, well, you have anxiety.

Let me give you Xanax.

Then I took Xanax and I was like, Oh my God, is this what regular people feel like?

I was like, are you kidding me?

And then I developed a problem with Xanax as, as many people with anxiety do.

And my wife went right when we had Georgia, she said, yo, you're done taking Xanax.

Like I had taken it.

I'd been using it, you know, on and off for like a year.

and see maybe a little more of George and Leanne's like you're done with Xanax it's you can have one if you need one but it can't be your go to every night it can't be the way you put yourself to sleep and then when we started doing podcasts I just was like I don't know I was like I just be open and honest you know I have ruminating thoughts where I just chew a thought over and over again what's been the most recent in this morning you want the one this morning I I'm a great great comic Nick Thune was telling me about when he quit drinking and he said he was having a liver failure and his back

was hurting and this morning I woke up on my side and my back hurt I went that does it you party too much your liver's failing your liver's failing and I started going through thoughts I could not stop and I have a saying when I go when I start having anxiety or OCD I go be like a shark get out of bed and start moving so you start moving things start helping and I go get in the gym get in the sauna let's get in the sauna let's get in the sauna sweat some stuff out It's just back pain.

Your trust me, you would have other symptoms and I, but I can't connect with it and I, and it just, it goes on and on and on and then, and I just obsess about it and then, and I bring it up to almost everyone.

I brought it up to everyone I've seen today.

And then I go, no booze, no booze anymore.

I'm done for a month.

I'm going to cut off for a month that does it.

And then I come up here and I see your house.

I go, all right, bottle of champagne.

What's that? What's going to hurt.

Right. But, but, whether you're dealing with anxiety, ocd eating, uh, drinking, masturbate, whatever your little thing is.

My saying is, and I, it kind of calms me down.

Let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday.

That's all we got to do.

Just a baby step, a little better than yesterday.

And if we have a bad day to day, realized tomorrow, we're going to have, we're going to do better.

We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow.

And so I've been stuck in that mindset today.

And I said, let's just get, let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday.

And so that's where my head's at, but yeah, they've got, I've had really, and you know, my daughters have anxiety and Leanne doesn't, they have sleep anxiety, but he both had sleep anxiety when they were young.

So Georgia would wake up and think she was dying.

And I remember I was so glad I had anxiety then cause I could help her.

LeeAnn's like, just go count sheep.

I go, uh, let's not count.

We're not counting and that's the worse way to deal with this, just because if you, it's shutting your brain off is the thing you need to do.

If your brain is just going after it, you're screwed. Yeah.

And so, uh, but Leanne's also gangster.

She got both of them into therapy immediately.

Uh, and this therapist helped them immensely, but now George and I can text about anxiety and talk about it.

And, and you know, what's the best thing about it is when you know other people have it is you're like, Oh, so I'm not broken.

I'm not crazy. Yeah.

And that's the greatest feeling.

And it's, it's, you know, my book, my family's seen me when I get ready for a flight.

It's like, I get physically ill.

I started feeling my head getting tight.

I feel this and they're like, Hey, you just having an anxiety.

And then to don't recognize it sometimes it doesn't help a hundred percent, but you can breathe.

That's one other, one thing I always say like, wait, I'm breathing.

I'm still breathing and let's take deep breaths and I'm Still breathing, crazy anxiety scuba diving.

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Oh yeah, I mean, definitely.

Trying to breathe in scuba diving is hard enough.

I mean, probably one of the biggest panic attacks, panic attacks I ever had were scuba diving in a thunderstorm in Fiji at 90.

That would do it. And we're in a tin boat and I'm just like, I get in the water and we start sinking and I realize very quick, nothing I like this down at the bottom of this ocean.

And I start kicking up to the top and my dive instructor just grabs me, grabs my BC, grabs my thing, puts in my mouth.

Like just holds it there and just going like this.

And I sunk with this phygian woman who looked like junior say out.

She was a big woman and she took me to the bottom of the ocean and I was like, and then, but you know, I got through it.

You get through it.

You always get through it.

No one dies from anxiety.

You've developed enough coping mechanisms. I don't know if I have. And I don't know if they're healthy.

I know alcohol has been a big coping mechanism of mine.

Yeah. When I, the first time I learned I could sleep without drinking, like, you know, because you do it from a 22 to like 30 and then one day you're like, I gotta try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine.

First time I did that, I was like, Whoa, I can fall asleep.

Shut up. Oh my God.

I've got enough tools to shut my brain off.

Yeah. And that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol.

Oh yeah. I mean, look, it must be real alcohol is poison.

Everyone knows that it's not good.

You shouldn't do it, but I'm also not a Mormon. I like to have a good time.

I like to get loose.

It's for alcohol for me.

It's not even the buzz.

I got to be honest with you.

It's the letting loose.

It's the celebration.

It's the, Hey, do you want to do a shot and you go, Oh, I definitely want to do it.

Like, like the it's the permission to party.

Like it literally is.

I mean, I named that tour this because when someone's like, Hey man, when someone like to join.

You're like, you want that?

That's, that's like, go, let's do it.

Let's get after it.

I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, Hey, you, you want one?

I it's, it's the funnest thing in the world.

When, when flight attendants say to me, can I get you something to drink?

I love that. Cause they don't always say that.

But when they do, I go, there's going to be a good flight.

I always have a speech that I've, I've people passed around, but it is like a first kiss.

When We got married and Leanne goes, I says it bum, you out.

You'll never have sex with anyone.

And she goes, no, absolutely not.

I said me either. I said, I think I'm good.

Just having sex with you.

She goes, what really bums me out is I'll never get a first kiss.

I know for us. That's the worst because we got to do the kiss.

All the anxiety is on us.

We got to wait the whole night.

Does she want to kiss me?

Is she going to kiss me?

I take her to do it in the car.

Should I do it when we walked to the car?

When should I do it?

Oh no, that was the wrong time.

That was wrong time for a woman.

It's just this excitement of like, when's it going to happen?

Is he doing it now?

Wednesday. Is it? When's my present show up?

And that's how I feel about shots.

Well, what's the loop telling you?

I see you're the one.

So I'm crazy. I'm crazy neurotic.

Okay. Okay. So I check, I check all of it.

My favorite day in the year is what?

A December 30th when they post our scores.

I love loop. And uh, I have found that if I am overly hydrated, my, my heart rate is lower.

So every night before I go to bed, I drink four liquid deaths, 19 ounce liquid deaths.

I drink four of them, I pee in the middle of the night, but I drink four of them.

My heart rates around 56 beats per minute when I, and that's after having, you know, bottle of wine or some porosos.

And so I'm wildly hydrated and that is my key for my woop.

It also, you know, for me, it also tells you how hard to work out.

I love that. I love a goal because, you know, when we did the first sober October, we were Charles all set trying to set goals of how hard we can work out.

And that when you see the top of the mountain, you know where you have to go.

And so you go, all right, I'm not done.

I'm getting back on the treadmill.

I'm going to get on the assault bike.

Okay. Here we're going to the ski, or we'll do like, I love that.

Like right now I've already hit my goal.

My goal was like, I slept horrible last night.

My goal was, uh, I think at 10 and I'm at 9 .6.

But if it wasn't go to the gym, hit the ski, Eric, uh, 10 calories, 10 times and we'll just get there and get them a minute break.

Yeah. I like that shit.

I love it. I love Whoop, too.

It's great to measure.

You need it. And then they measure your steps and you're like, yo, Whoop, how long have you been doing that?

I didn't send this in.

You just turn something on?

Give me my old steps.

I want to know what my old steps were.

When I started measuring steps was the very first. I got a fit bit, the little one you put in your pocket and bro, that changed the game for me.

I was like, I'm into fitness tracking.

And then when they sent these to us for the second Sober October, whoo, buddy, this thing does not come off my wrist unless I do a special, I take it off.

You're going to need to pay me for that boop.

Yeah, we should figure that out.

They still do. They're pretty good to us.

I love that. But it has been, I mean you are literally the best time.

Buddy, you're the best interviewer I've ever done.

You're so good at this.

I feel so present. It's crazy.

But you're so much fun.

You got to realize, there's good chemistry here.

What we should do is, we should do a double date.

Your wife and my wife, and then my wife's gonna go, shut the, let him talk.

I can't wait to meet her.

No, honestly we have to hang outside of this.

Like I'd love that.

You're such a good time and we end every episode with a final five.

These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

But I may ask you to elaborate because I think you're gonna give me some awesome answers.

So question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Don't take anyone's advice as the best advice but sometimes everyone's advice is so built up with their bullshit.

I remember posting a dance video and everyone was like, why would you do that?

I sold out my tour in seconds.

I'm so glad I didn't listen to anybody.

That's a good story.

Don't take anyone's advice.

I love that. I fully agree.

The amount of publishers that told me not to call my book Think Like A Monk.

That was my first book and they were like, don't call it that, no one wants to think like a monk.

They're telling you, they're giving you advice based on their failures.

Totally. And you're not them.

Totally, and the data, which is already in the past. Having said that, Joe Rogan gave me the best advice ever.

He just said to me, I'm just a little high, a little drunk, in the back of the store.

He's like, you need a Netflix special.

And I was like, yeah.

He's like, no you need one.

I was like, how the Joe don't know how to get that, Joe.

And he goes, be undeniable.

And he just walked away.

I was like, what the fuck does that mean?

I wrote in my joke book, and I just tried to figure it out.

Then you are undeniable, you're like oh.

That was great advice.

I love that. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

Worst advice I ever got was you should start wearing a shirt.

If I had worn a shirt.

Who told you that? I won't say her name, but someone that worked at Showtime.

She said, hey, you should wear a shirt for this.

Trust me, no one does it without a shirt for a reason.

You should wear a shirt, and I almost did.

Then she said, how about this, You do one with his shirt, one without a shirt.

Okay. And I said, well then we can't cut them between them.

She goes, yeah, we'll use the one with the shirt.

Do not do it without a shirt.

And I was like, I don't know.

I can't remember thinking I'm a little different, like I want to do it my way.

Like I know that and a lot of people are like, why would you not wear a shirt?

My dad, why would you buddy put on a Brooks brother's coat, a tie, look sharp.

And I was like, nah, I'm going to do it shirtless.

And thank God. I mean, it like, I think that's been my, I mean, that's how some people, sometimes people just go, oh, I didn't recognize you with a shirt on.

That is so good. I, you know what, when you came in today, and I buzzed you in, and I saw you without your shirt on, I was like, he's gonna do it without a shirt, I love it.

I love it, I was like, he's gonna do it without a shirt.

I told the team, I was like, he's coming without a shirt, he's gonna do it.

And then you came out of the car, and then your team had your shirt, and I was like oh, okay.

People would tell me, my breasts are just too meaty.

I'm at the point now where my breasts hit my stomach, you don't know what that's like.

it's sad I look good standing up shirtless but sitting down shirtless I've got a melted candle dude it's great I love it I was so I was like guys he's gonna do it with this I can answer these last ones just just to really be brand friendly this is a nice shirt it's a really nice I really like it great well you look great oh thank you yeah it's like Wow we're getting out there we go okay we're getting the full experience I love it now I'm like okay what's our next question.

You're amazing, I love this.

Question number three is, what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you?

Oh. I'll tell you what's similar, okay?

I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me.

What's different is my kids are smarter than I was and they told me I was doing it wrong.

dude. I was a raise your voice, raise your voice.

Kind of dad girls didn't.

I remember the biggest fight we ever gotten with girls.

They took the collars.

They like, well, my dogs are naked and we have bull masters.

I go girls say, can you take the colors off?

I can't control that dog and they bled both the dogs out and they chased a woman and I couldn't get them to say they're the collars.

And I came in and I started yelling at my girls and Georgia goes, just so you know, when you get to here, we know there's nowhere else you're going and I was like, what?

She goes, the threats over.

This is as bad as it gets.

And I was like, but you're not going to hit us.

So it's not working alright.

And I was like, Oh shit.

And I realized, Oh, it's not working.

You can't just go like that does it because this is as bad as it gets.

I go, okay, where does it go from here?

And then, then Georgia took the car with her friends and you're not allowed to do that.

And she was like, here we go again, land Carter.

And I said, yo, come home right now.

She drops her friends off.

She comes home. She says, And she's like, all right, do it like that.

I go, Hey, it's just unsafe.

Can you do me a favor?

Just write like drink, like a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this.

And she started crying and she goes, wait, you're not going to yell at me?

I went, no, I go, it doesn't work.

You said that it doesn't work and it doesn't work, you're still, you're still doing bad things.

So like, just write a thousand words and then give it to me.

And she started sobbing crying and she was I think you're turning into a really great dad.

And I was like, really?

And she goes, dad, you understand me.

You're a dad. It didn't work.

And then she wrote a thousand words, and it was all a thousand words why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down.

And I went, oh shit.

Yeah, I love my dad, but he didn't do that.

Wow! Do you think having the daughter has changed you, like, that was, yes.

Oh, those two kids.

Those two kids are just incredible kids.

Really incredible kids who get it and get me and I'm like, perfect.

Tried to plan a trip to Hawaii and both of them want to get jobs this summer.

I'm like, what are we talking about?

If my dad said Hawaii, I'd be like, yeah, I'll grab my job tomorrow, Dad!

I love that. Question number four, you're such an open book.

What's something people don't know about you that they'd be surprised to hear?

I think if people heard my inner dialogue sometimes.

Interesting. I think they'd, I think people would be bummed out for me.

Oh, interesting. You know, you say like, you say like the thing, sometimes you say to yourself, you go, I forget the quote, but it's like, you know, what would, what would you say if someone was saying that about your daughter?

Yeah. And you go, fuck, I beat that person up.

Then they're like, why would you let them do it to you?

Sometimes my inner dialogue is can be really punitive.

And I think, I think if I people hurt it, they would, it would break their heart a little bit.

And I, that's the one thing I tried better to change about myself is my inner dialog to be more positive about myself.

But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit where I go, don't let them, if they think that about you, you change, you do better.

You get that. Does it let's get in the gym, let's write, let's read that script.

Let's, let's do that.

Maybe let's challenge ourselves to do that.

Let's go back on tour.

Let's take time off.

Like I think that inner dialogue as unhealthy as it may be.

I bet. If most people heard that inner dialogue, they give me a hug and go I do the same shit.

Yeah definitely. Yeah, I think we all do it.

I do it. We all do it.

You just look in the mirror and then you, you should be happy.

Like you look at these crystal blue electric eyes.

Oh man, I think we're, it's, there's so many, I think you're smart.

There's so many, and by the way, it is that you're, you're somewhat trained to be driven and you know that that level of setting that standard high is what lets you rise and keep going.

Otherwise, we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off, right?

Like what, there's no need.

So there's that and then there's the compassion and that's why I've seen the best performers in the world, they have high standards, but then they have high grace.

And it's like, if you have one or the other, it doesn't work.

Like if you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't actually keep to those high standards.

And if you have low standards and high grace, well then you'll never get anywhere.

I'm always blown away by guys with crazy confidence.

and I'm like, is that real?

Like I go like, people just talk wild shit, and I'm like yo, I'm actually a good comic.

I'm better than like, I'm like legit, but like you believe that about yourself?

I'm always blown away by that.

Yeah, but you have to, you have to.

There was this great, Federer gave this, Roger Federer, the tennis player gave this amazing commencement speech last year, and he was saying that he's only won something like 60 % of his points in his lifetime, And he was saying, the best thing I have to do is lose a point, and then forget about that point.

Like I got to move on, because otherwise I'm going to lose the next point.

Lose the next point if I keep thinking about that last loss.

Because I've lost a ton of points in my life, because my skill is not to not lose points.

My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background, and go win the next point.

And I feel like that's that compassion.

That's that grace of like, just move on, next one.

Like you did, with your next special.

The first one didn't work out next one.

Like let's see what can go.

So yeah. It's crazy.

I think that's a, yeah.

I don't know who I'd be with if I, like I sometimes toy with the idea of getting on Prozac or something.

And then I go, but wait, I don't want to get rid of the mom.

Maybe that's not my mom.

I told her I was going to be on Prozac.

She goes, Oh honey, those are your nooks and crannies.

My mom has zero anxiety, zero anxiety.

Wow. I love that. My dad called one time.

He's call me on FaceTime.

He goes, Hey buddy, I want to just tell you that I love you.

I'm going into surgery tomorrow.

I go, okay. I said, was it a crazy surgery?

He goes, no, just one little, you know, I love you.

I hear from my mom in the background go, sometimes they don't wake up.

I was like, wait, mom, what?

She's like, sometimes they don't wake up.

So your dad may not wake up, he may die.

And I'm like, I look at my dad's eyes and he's like, I live with this woman.

Okay. Oh God, last two questions, all right.

Where am I? Let's do, okay, yeah, so has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, Yeah.

I went too far, but every podcast I do because you were sensitive to that, oh, I never, I never want a joke to hurt someone.

Yeah. I remember I told a joke one time about, uh, about black women.

It was a good joke.

I would have stood by it, had a fan not come up to me.

As a black woman, she was really pretty.

And she said, Hey man, I, uh, I'm a fan.

And I was like, cool.

She goes, I just want you to know that that joke kind of hurt a little bit, and she goes, and I know that wasn't your intention, but it didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team.

I felt like I was now an outsider and I went, Ooh, she goes, yeah, I know she was, I didn't, I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that.

And then when you said it, I realized I was like, I'm the only black woman in there and I went, Oh, that's not my intention.

And she was, I know that's why I'm telling you.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember.

And, and you don't realize that when you do comedy, you just trying to get laughs.

Right. And the one time I didn't believe it, I was blind and he was blind.

I really regret that I didn't Tommy told me he wasn't blind.

He was lying. And I tested him and then he got up and he was really blind.

And I was like, wow, he, he's really blind.

And they're like, he got blind two days ago.

And I was like, Oh God.

So he wasn't, it was, yeah.

Hey, we can do a podcast on regrets.

I've been doing this 25 years.

I regret a lot. What about, what about when you said your daughter, CEO, especially when they're like, dad, stop being a misogynist. Like they told me, they go, yeah, he's just a misogynist. And I went, no, I'm not.

And they went, have you ever watched your standup?

And I was like, yeah.

And they're like, do you hear the way you talk about mom?

And I was like, yeah, but it's mom.

And they're like, dude, dad, dude, you're a wild misogynist. And then Ila was like, could you just write a joke for women, like to make the women feel like better than the men.

And I was like I can do that.

And then I wrote it and they didn't like it.

They definitely didn't like it.

But maybe that's coming.

Maybe you're moving in that direction.

Maybe, I don't know, I don't know what my direction is now that I have this crying joke at the end I feel like everyone's gonna be like what are you gonna make us cry about next?

And I'll be like oh god, hope my dad dies.

Oh god. So I buried my dad, they're like here we go.

final question we asked is to every guest who's ever been on the show.

If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be?

The law I would make like I really dig like siesta in Spain.

But not everyone's a napper but I like that concept that there's like I would do like, I would do state mandated, happy hours, like state mandated happy hours.

We're like, we're like you had at five o 'clock when you got off work, you couldn't go home.

You had to go to everyone had court appointed bars and you had to go to these bars and you don't have to drink, but you've got to spend time and talk to people in the community like, you gotta go there and people can drink and it's only an hour, it's one hour, but everyone goes and everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to the that's where I think is so cool about London.

we were talking about that.

It's the pub energy, you guys got that.

And I think that in America, if we knew, I was like, oh, we gotta wrap this up, we gotta go to Chili's real quick, and you're like, oh, you go to Chili's, too?

I go, well, this week I'm going to Chili's.

And then we went to Chili's and you're like, we should get a drink.

I think that would be awesome.

And I would definitely do comedy at those shows.

I would love that. Court -appointed, mandated, happy hour comedy shows.

There we go, first time ever we've heard that on the show, so it's a good answer.

It's, ehh. I love it but pressure lucky special is that Luckiest dude.

This is so much fun you And thank you for thank you for listening to me.

Tell you how important I was on that plane I'm so glad I said that in the best way possible I was like he is I already know he's funny because I was like No, normally if someone said that you just it wouldn't land but you said it in the most sweet and dearing way I wish I had recorded that I know that I wish I recorded that cause I would love to hear what I sound like talking about myself cause I know it comes from a good place but especially if I see someone I recognize I get overwhelmed.

You were amazing. You were so nice and then you mentioned Tom Segura and I was like, oh yeah I know Tom because my videographer works with Tom and so I was aware and I knew what two bears were but it was one of those weird situations where we hit it off and you're here.

What's crazy is I had videos of you saved to my YouTube.

You send them to me.

And I was like, I was like, I, I am watch, I watch you.

I relax, I sit back and listen to your interviews.

You're too kind, man.

Dude, you're the best. I want to come to your next, special next live I'm there in the audience.

Done. Double date first. I'd love for that, that first. Okay.

I love it. I'm in. Jay, thank you.

I love it, thank you, man.

If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.

Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now.

Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week.

That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life.

This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat.

Here's BetterHelp, head of clinical operations, Haseya Jo discussing who can benefit from therapy.

I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day.

But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody.

There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people.

So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.

Find out if therapy is right for you.

Visit BetterHelp .com today.

That's BetterHELP .com.

Balancing work, family and education isn't easy, but American Public University makes it possible with online courses, monthly start dates, and flexible schedules, APU is designed for busy professionals who need education that fits their lives.

And affordability matters too.

APU offers the Opportunity Grant, giving students 10 % off undergraduate and master's level tuition, helping you reach your goals without breaking the bank.

Plus, they provide career services and 24 -7 mental health support, and no extra cost. Visit apu .apus .edu to learn more.

That's apu .apus .edu.

Sometimes life can seem hard and tough to navigate, but what may seem like the smallest tasks, such as getting out of bed or even brushing your teeth, should be celebrated as a win, and State Farm is here to help you celebrate all your wins.

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[Bert Kreischer: On Comedy, Vulnerability, and Healing the Father-Son Bond]-[Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)]

📋 Summary

The Unstoppable Force of Comedy

The Philosophy of "Eat Shit, Cash Checks"

The Humanization of Parents

Vulnerability as a Comedy Tool

Navigating Anxiety and Success

Conclusion: Moving Forward

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript

[Bert Kreischer: On Comedy, Vulnerability, and Healing the Father-Son Bond]-[Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)]

📋 Summary

The Unstoppable Force of Comedy

The Philosophy of "Eat Shit, Cash Checks"

The Humanization of Parents

Vulnerability as a Comedy Tool

Navigating Anxiety and Success

Conclusion: Moving Forward

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🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript

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