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People do not always get along, so dealing with conflict is part of any job.
And as often as not work.
Disagreements get resolved as much as in informal discussions in the hallway as they do in the conference room.
So in this two-part series on resolving conflict, we'll be studying useful language for discussing and resolving disagreements.
We will be focusing not on major conflicts between companies or inside organisations, but rather on the everyday sort of disagreements that all of us have to deal with to be successful in our work.
In the listening.
Elegant is a company that designs and manufactures bathroom fixtures sinks, toilets and so on.
Ben has recently joined Elegant as a training specialist.
When he started, he was promised that Elegant would hire someone to help him with his workload, but instead he is still doing almost everything by himself.
He was also promised the opportunity to do some course design, but instead his manager Jerry, insists on closely supervising all of Ben's work.
Ben feels like he is working harder than anyone else in the office.
He is always the last one to leave the department in the evening.
But he doesn't feel that his hard work is getting recognised.
As you listen, pay attention to the language that Gerry and Ben use to deal with this disagreement.
Also, try to answer the following questions.
The answers will be posted in a few days on our website at www.businessenglishpod.com.
1.
Jerry says he wants to sit down informally and thrash things out a little.
What do you think this means?
2.
A strain is something that is tiring and perhaps irritating.
What does Jerry say is getting to be kind of a strain?
So Ben, I sense there might be some issues with work that you're not 100 satisfied with, and I just wanted to sit down with you informally and thrash things out a little.
Okay.
So I can see that you've been working really hard, and that might be an area of concern for you.
Well, yes.
You know I am the last one out of here almost every night and I've got to admit it's getting to be kind of a strain.
Uh-huh.
Last one out every night.
Yeah, that could be frustrating.
Yeah, it's not that I mind putting in the extra hours.
It's just that it feels a little unfair when other people are leaving at five every day.
Yes, that's understandable.
And it seems to me that we're pretty understaffed in the training area.
Right.
I think that's a valid concern.
As you know, a support position is budgeted and we're working on getting someone in here.
Yes, and I know it's just taking a little longer than usual.
That's right.
But in the interim, one thing we might try is passing on as much of the admin to the trainers as possible.
Well frankly, I'm already doing that to some extent, and I just think that there's a limit to how much it helps.
If you know what I mean.
Uh-huh.
Well, what are your views?
How do you think we should deal with this?
Jerry and Ben seem to be well on their way to working out their disagreement, don't they?
What kinds of language and expressions do they use to move their discussion forward?
Let's listen again.
So Ben, I sense there might be some issues with work that you're not 100 satisfied with, and I just wanted to sit down with you informally and thrash things out a little.
How does Jerry open the discussion?
Notice the tentative or careful language he uses.
He says that he senses or feels that there might be some issues with work that Ben is not 100 satisfied with.
These qualifiers, such as might, and not 100, act as buffers or cushions to soften the impact of Jerry's speech.
Meanwhile...
I sense or I feel are non-threatening ways to start a conversation.
In other words, Jerry is talking about his feelings instead of accusing Ben directly.
This approach will make Ben feel more comfortable.
In addition, that Jerry just wants to sit down informally likewise helps make the situation seem less threatening to Ben.
Finally, the idiom to thrash things out a little means to discuss something in order to work out a solution.
We can also say to hash things out.
This idiom is informal and gives Ben the impression of a discussion between friends.
Thus Jerry's whole introduction to the discussion set up a situation that is friendly and productive.
What are some other idioms and qualifiers we can use to open a discussion?
I have a feeling that there might be some issues we need to deal with, so I was hoping we could sit down together and hash things out a little.
I sense that there might be some areas you're not completely satisfied with these days, so I was hoping to have an opportunity to air out any concerns you might have.
Is there anything on your mind?
Is there anything you'd like to tell me about?
I'm all ears.
I'm all ears? means I'm willing to listen.
To air out concerns means to bring private problems out into the open.
Now let's continue going through the dialogue.
Okay.
So I can see that you've been working really hard, and that might be an area of concern for you.
What does Jerry say?
First, he starts with something that he has observed.
I can see you've been working really hard.
Then he uses tentative or careful language to attempt to identify the problem.
And that might be an area of concern for you.
An area of concern refers to a problem or worry.
Overall, Jerry's strategy is to begin by mentioning something that he has really seen with his own two eyes and to use tentative language.
His goal is to get Jerry started talking.
Now let's practice some more of this type of language for identifying the problem.
I've noticed that you and your coworkers seem to be arguing a lot recently.
I was just wondering if I could perhaps get a clearer picture of exactly what was going on.
It seems to me in recent weeks that you've been coming in a little late to work more often than before.
I know there's a good reason for this and I'm very concerned as to what it is.
Particularly the last phrase.
I know there's a good reason for this is a useful way to win someone's trust because it shows confidence and faith in them and a willingness to understand.
How does Ben respond to Jerry's attempt to identify the problem?
Let's listen again.
Yes.
You know I am the last one out of here almost every night and I've got to admit it's getting to be kind of a strain.
Uh-huh.
Last one out every night.
Yeah, that could be frustrating.
What is Ben's area of concern?
He is the last one out of, that is, to leave, the office every night.
This is getting to be tiring and irritating.
That is, it's getting to be a strain.
Notice how Ben also uses qualifiers and tentative language like kind of a.
His choice of verb tense is also well considered and careful.
Instead of saying It's gotten to be a strain, it's completed or finished, he says It's happening now.
So there is still hope to reverse or change the situation.
How does Jerry respond?
First, he acknowledges that he has heard.
Uh-huh.
Then...
He repeats or echoes some of Jerry's words to show that he is listening.
Last one out every night.
Finally, he gives a personal reaction.
Yeah, I could see how that could lead to frustrations.
Together.
These three responses acknowledgement, echo and personal reaction show that Jerry is actively listening, which will encourage Ben to keep talking.
Let's practice a couple more examples of active listening.
And I guess working the early shift every day is just getting to be really frustrating.
I see.
Frustrating.
Yes, I can understand what you mean.
So, as far as I'm concerned, there are some pretty significant communication problems.
Uh-huh.
Communication problems.
I can see you feel strongly about this.
In the next segment of the dialogue, as Ben tells Jerry about his feelings, Jerry is careful to show sympathy or understanding.
Let's listen again.
Yeah, it's not that I mind putting in the extra hours.
It's just that it feels a little unfair when other people are leaving at five every day.
Yes, that's understandable.
And it seems to me that we're pretty understaffed in the training area.
Right.
I think that's a valid concern.
Yes, that's understandable.
And, right, I think that's a valid concern, are both ways of showing sympathy or understanding.
A valid concern is a real concern, so Jerry is saying he thinks Ben's concerns are real.
Being sympathetic is an important way to win someone's trust and encourage someone to speak.
Even if you don't agree with what a person is saying, you can still show sympathy with them by saying, for example I can see that you feel strongly about this.
Let's review some expressions that we've studied for showing sympathy.
Right.
I think that's a valid concern.
Yes, that's understandable.
Yes, I can understand what you mean.
I can see you feel strongly about this.
I understand that this is very frustrating.
I know what you mean.
Now, how does Jerry respond to Ben's concern?
As you know, a support position is budgeted and we're working on getting someone in here.
Yes, and I know it's just taking a little longer than usual.
That's right.
But in the interim, one thing we might try is passing on as much of the admin to the trainers as possible.
Jerry reminds Ben that a support position, that is, an assistant, is budgeted or planned to help Ben with his work.
Then Jerry suggests to pass on the admin or administration work photocopying planning, record keeping to the actual trainers or teachers of the courses that Ben is overseeing.
This is a way of reducing Ben's workload.
To make this suggestion.
Jerry says one thing we might try is This is a careful, indirect and teamwork-oriented way, emphasising we, the team, to give a suggestion.
What other phrases like this can we use?
Why don't we try getting more people involved?
Would it help if we tried getting everybody together to talk?
How about we ask everyone else what they think?
What would you say to holding a meeting with everybody involved?
How does Ben react to Jerry's suggestion to pass on some of the admin work to the trainers?
Well frankly, I'm already doing that to some extent, and I just think that there's a limit to how much it helps.
If you know what I mean.
Uh-huh.
Well, what are your views?
How do you think we should deal with this?
Ben has previously tried this solution, so he doesn't think that Jerry's suggestion will help.
He's careful, however, to disagree politely by using tentative language and buffers.
For example, he says he's already doing that to some extent, that is, to some degree.
Next, it's Jerry's turn to ask for Ben's suggestions about how to solve the problem.
Of course, it's almost always important to get other people's points of view.
In fact, Jerry may have done better to ask Ben for his suggestions before he gave his own.
People will often be more likely to tell you their real opinion before you have told them what kind of solution you prefer.
How does Jerry ask for Ben's opinion?
He says, What kind of solutions would you propose?
What are your thoughts on how to move forward?
I was wondering what your ideas on this situation are.
What sort of suggestions might you have for reaching a solution?
For now, we'll leave Ben and Jerry there.
We'll be returning to their conversation in the second part of this series on resolving conflict.
To finish off today, let's practice some of what we've learned.
First, we'll review active listening and showing sympathy.
Imagine you are a team leader talking to employees about problems they have at work.
First, each employee will state his or her problem.
Then, after the beep, use the expressions we have learned today to listen actively and show sympathy.
Remember to acknowledge, echo and give a sympathetic personal reaction.
For example, if you hear I'm really frustrated with my work hours, you might say uh-huh, frustrated.
I can see what you mean.
Other ways we've studied to show sympathy include, for example I can see you feel strongly about this, or right.
I think that's a valid concern.
I'm the last one to leave here every night, and it's getting to be kind of a strength.
Example answer.
Mm-hmm.
Every night.
Well, I think that's a valid concern.
I just don't see why I have to work the early shift every day.
Example answer.
Uh-huh.
Early shift every day.
Yeah, I understand.
That would be frustrating for you.
Most of my co-workers are late every day, and I have to do an unfair share of work.
Example answer.
Mm-hmm.
Now we'll practice key phrases and words for making suggestions and asking questions to resolve the conflict.
You'll hear a series of sentences.
In each sentence, one word is blanked out with a beep.
Repeat the sentence, but say the missing word.
For example, if you hear... You'll say... This is a great way to revise collocations.
We'll play the correct answer after each exercise.
Let's give it a try.
Would it help if we tried getting everybody to talk?
Answer.
Would it help if we tried getting everybody together to talk?
What would you say to holding a meeting with everybody?
Answer.
What would you say to holding a meeting with everybody involved?
What kind of would you propose?
Answer What kind of solutions would you propose?
I was Answer.
I was wondering what your ideas on this situation are.
What are your thoughts on how to move?
Answer.
What are your thoughts on how to move forward?
In the second part, we'll study stating common goals and agreeing action, among other things.
In the meanwhile, be sure to check out the study notes for this and other episodes at wwwbusinessenglishpodcom.
There you'll find complete transcripts, including additional vocabulary and review exercises.
Also try signing up for the Online Learning Centre for access to a wide range of further study activities.
Thanks for listening.
See you next time.
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