Welcome back to Advice Session.
A series here on Anything Goes, where you send in your current dilemmas or anything you want advice on, and then I give you my unprofessional advice.
And today's topic is becoming a better person.
I feel like we're all on the journey to becoming a better person, right?
Like no one's walking around saying, you know what journey I'm on?
The journey to becoming the worst possible person I can be.
Yeah, that's what I've been working on.
Nobody wants to be more negative.
Nobody I guess there are some people who want to be more selfish.
Perhaps if you're sort of a pushover type, you might want to become a little more selfish.
That's fair.
But you get what I'm trying to say here.
We're all trying to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
I think we're all on that journey.
It's a universal experience.
But what's interesting about it is that it seems that it doesn't come naturally to us.
It seems that we're not born the best possible version of ourselves.
Because if that was the case, we wouldn't all seemingly be working on that.
We all have a lot of growing to do.
We all have room for improvement.
It's very tempting to not be a good person.
Or maybe I shouldn't say it's very tempting.
Well, no, it can be very tempting to be a bad person.
Now, I don't mean an evil person, right?
I don't mean like pushing an old lady evil.
I mean like a negative person, a pessimistic person, a selfish person, a hateful person, a mean person.
It can be tempting at times to indulge in bad traits, because there's something about being bad that makes us feel better when we're struggling.
I would say when you're in a particularly good place in your life, it's much easier to be a good person.
But even if you're in a particularly good place in your life, it still takes discipline and mindfulness and at times even bravery.
To be a good person.
It doesn't come naturally to us is what I'm trying to say here.
As with all things, humans are good and bad.
And we're all trying to be as good as we possibly can.
But it's a daily choice.
It's a daily practice.
And I don't really believe that the journey ever ends.
I feel like we're on this journey, as human beings, to try to become the best possible people we can be.
But we never quite reach it.
Like there is no destination.
We can always improve.
Which, in some ways, is inspiring, because there's something sort of inspiring about having a goal that you can work on for the rest of time.
There's something inspiring about that.
Like the journey itself is fulfilling and it's obviously making me a better person.
But also I never have to stop working on this.
There is something inspiring about that, right?
Having goals as human beings is good for us.
It keeps us motivated.
It gets us out of bed in the morning.
And so to have a goal that doesn't really have a destination but is fulfilling along the way is kind of ideal.
That's one way to look at it.
But there is also something kind of daunting about it too, because I think a lot of times we want a clear destination.
We want to arrive somewhere.
And the thought of working towards something for your entire life and to never get to the end because there is no defined end can be a bit overwhelming.
But I don't think that that's the right way to look at it.
I do think It is this sort of goal with no destination.
But just because there's no destination doesn't mean that you don't arrive somewhere beautiful.
You just never stay at that destination for long.
You know what I'm saying?
And then you die and then that's it.
This is getting a little too existential for me.
So without further ado, let's just get into it.
Somebody said, how do I stop making the same mistakes over and over again?
Sometimes I don't even realize it's happening until it's too late.
I want to stop the cycle.
My mom always has said to me in times in my life when things are chaotic and I'm kind of chaotic and I keep making the same mistakes over and over again and I'm not making smart choices to slow down.
Slow down.
Going 20 miles per hour, go five.
Slow the fuck down.
And I think that's phenomenal advice.
So that's the advice I'm going to give to you.
My first piece of advice is to slow down.
If you keep making the same mistake over and, over and over again, it's because you're moving too fast.
In order to properly analyze things as they happen in your life, you have to be going at a speed in your life that allows you to analyze what's going on.
If you're just moving from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next to the next, how are you supposed to reflect on what's going on?
You can't.
You're moving too fast.
And I think the reason why it's so important to slow down is because, in order to not make the same mistake again, you need to deeply analyze the mistake that you made.
And not just on the surface level, because a lot of us tend to analyze our mistakes on the surface level because that's the quickest and easiest way to do it right.
Like, okay, I just made this mistake.
Why did I do that?
I did that because it was tempting and it felt good in the moment, but now I regret it.
Okay, next time I'm just not going to I'm not going to fall for the temptation.
Okay, moving on.
Well, that's not going to work because you didn't get to the root of the issue.
The root of the issue is not that you fell for the temptation.
The root of the issue is why are you tempted to make that mistake?
And so I think it can be incredibly valuable to slow down and figure out why you were driven to make that mistake again.
Or in the case of just making one mistake and not wanting to repeat it.
Why did I make that mistake?
You got to find the root of it.
And when it comes to finding the root of it, I do have some advice, because it's kind of an uncomfortable thing to do and kind of an awkward thing to do.
It's like, how do you even find the root of it?
You know, like, how do I dig deep and find that?
You know, it's not obvious.
I would say my advice would be you need to remove it from your brain and bring it out into the real world.
Now, let me explain what that means.
A lot of times we deal with our issues inside of our head, right?
But that's a really challenging thing to do because inside of your head, things are jumbled.
They're swirling.
They're foggy.
Thoughts are very hard to organize.
They're very challenging to organize.
You know what's much easier to organize?
Things that have started in your brain and then been extracted and put into the real world, either through conversation with someone you're close to or through journaling, or potentially even through just staring at the wall and making the decision to think.
But that's harder.
Like I can do that personally, but a lot of times I find it's much easier and much more effective to either talk about it or to write it down or something.
Because once you get it out of your brain and it's tangible and it's in the real world, you can look at it head on and face it.
When it's in your head, it's just all jumbled up.
You can't look at it because it's above your eyes.
I'm not even kidding.
I know that I'm making it more literal than maybe I should be, but it kind of works like that in my experience.
Speaking the words and having the words float in front of your eyes, writing down words and being able to look at them.
There's something about making the things swirling around in your brain tangible that make them easier to address.
So I recommend finding a way to make this repeat mistake, this challenge tangible.
Write it down, talk about it with somebody.
And there's definitely.
You know there's a trillion different ways that you could choose to communicate about your challenge or write it down.
But I'll tell you how I would do it.
Number one, I would start by recounting everything that's happened from my memory, okay?
When did I make the first mistake?
Why do I think that that happened?
When did I make the second mistake?
Why do I think that happened?
When did I make the same mistake again?
Why do I think that that happened?
Then from there, analyze it kind of from a bird's eye view, you know, from a zoomed out perspective.
Look at it objectively as best as you possibly can.
And then after you've sort of analyzed everything, the facts, it's time to brainstorm.
Brainstorm what the root cause of this possibly could be and write down some ideas and then think through all of them and then figure out which one it is.
And sometimes this takes time.
You know, sometimes the answer isn't clear immediately, but this sort of practice of taking it out of your brain and making it tangible and analyzing it in a way that's very clear and as objective as possible is, If it doesn't give you the answer immediately, it at least plants the seed in your brain.
And then after that, your brain will continue to sort of work on it, work on the puzzle.
And then eventually it'll come to you.
And once you understand the root cause you can address that head on, so that you're not like trying to avoid temptation to make the same mistake again.
But now you're solving the issue at the root.
You're solving the real problem.
And then not making that mistake again is much easier.
And you don't have to fight against temptation.
Instead, it just becomes automatic not to make that mistake again, because you've addressed the problem at the source.
I'll give some examples because I feel like this is sort of, it's like a hard thing to explain.
And I think if I give some examples, it might help.
Let me give an example of a mistake that someone might make over and over again.
Someone might make the mistake of going back to someone a romantic partner over and over again, who is not good for them.
They know that this person is not good for them.
They're not compatible.
They're not trustworthy, whether it's because as a pair they're not compatible, or perhaps the partner is not trustworthy, or perhaps the partner is super avoidant and doesn't give this person what they need emotionally.
Whatever it may be.
Returning to the same partner over and over again, even when it's obviously not a good idea.
If someone keeps returning to that partner because it feels good to spend time with them, hang out with them, talk to them, maybe even kiss, maybe even have sex.
Like if that keeps happening over and over again.
The temptation to make the mistake again is too strong to just use self-control.
Like that's not the root of the issue.
There's something going on internally that needs to be addressed.
Through analysis, one might find that the reason that they're doing this is because, number one, they're afraid of being alone and number two, because they love the game of trying to get someone who's playing hard to get.
Perhaps their partner is, or their partner who's on the rocks is avoidant, and there's something sort of addicting about the chase.
That's just an example.
Through analysis, one could discover a plethora of potential reasons why they've been returning to this partner, but for the sake of the example, let's say that's the case.
Well, now that this has been discovered, they can solve this through getting over their fear of being single, working to develop a sense of independence and create a more interesting, stimulating life that alleviates the craving to be with this partner that's hard to get.
If you're busy doing stuff in your life that you enjoy, you don't want to deal with a partner who's hard to get, because there's almost something about being with somebody who is avoidant that it becomes like a hobby trying to constantly win them over.
And it becomes sort of addicting in the same way a hobby does.
And so to create a more interesting, stimulating life might solve that problem.
And so that's a great example of how you know someone could potentially find the root cause and then make a plan to address the root cause.
I'll give one more example.
Let's say someone keeps making the mistake over and over again of oversharing in social situations.
And then the next day getting really anxious about that oversharing, feeling like oh, I feel like I exposed myself too much.
Maybe they were judging me.
Maybe I trusted them more than I should have.
Fuck, like I made a mistake.
By the way, this is so me coded.
Like that is the story of my life.
Story of my life.
And I've definitely improved with this a lot, but it's still something I struggle with sometimes.
But we'll take me out of this for a second for the sake of the example.
Through analysis, one might realize that they tend to overshare, because that is how they know how to connect with other human beings.
It's a bad habit.
Perhaps they've been doing it since they were a kid.
Honestly, I don't know why I said let's remove me from the situation.
This is very much me.
Ever since I was a kid, I learned that by being vulnerable, by telling stories, I connect so much better with people.
And that's a beautiful thing.
And I never want to lose that.
However, I've had a problem with taking it too far and sharing more about myself than I'm comfortable with, and then regretting it later.
I think that there's a balance.
And I think...
There's been times in my life where I've lost that balance.
So yeah, so it's very much me.
But anyway, now someone who's dealing with that can realize.
Okay, I learned as a young person that oversharing helps me connect with other people.
That's why I keep doing that.
How can I solve it?
Now, there's many different ways that this challenge can be solved depending on the individual.
But an example could be brainstorming other things to discuss before social events and making an active effort to avoid sharing sensitive information, even when it's tempting.
Having a plan and then having a sense of mindfulness during conversations.
That might be the solution.
But see, that addresses the problem head on.
If one were to say, like you know, I guess I'm just going to like stop oversharing.
And then they go into a social event with no plan, like they're just going to make the same mistake again.
You got to have a plan.
Okay, next.
Somebody said, how do I stop complaining?
I feel like I'm becoming a whiner, but things are hard.
How do I be more positive and look at the brighter side of things more often than the negative side?
I think a lot of times we tend to discover a bad habit like this long after it's become a habit, which can be incredibly daunting because it seems like it's become a part of our personality.
But the good news is it's in our control to change these things at any time.
I think that can be one of the hardest hurdles to get over is admitting to yourself okay, I have this issue.
And then also admitting to yourself that you're the one that can change it.
Because there's something sort of embarrassing about admitting that you have a character flaw and you didn't catch it sooner and that you're allowing yourself to do it and that you don't really know how to fix it yet because you haven't really thought about it that deeply.
And so it's kind of become this big thing now and it's kind of a big issue and it could have been stopped sooner, but it didn't.
I don't know.
I find that when I catch a negative personality trait in myself, my immediate response tends to be well, I guess that's just who I am.
And I think a big part of why that's my sort of gut reaction to tell myself or tell others well, I guess that's just how I am is because I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't need to be like that, but I am anyway.
Does that make sense?
It makes it my responsibility if I acknowledge that I could, at any time now or in the past, fix this issue.
It just, there's something weirdly embarrassing about it, at least in my experience.
And so I think the first step is to acknowledge that this is something that can be changed.
And also it's so normal and human to catch a negative trait and to say okay I, I need to make a change.
Like that's such a normal, beautiful thing.
And it's actually like a really brave thing too.
And I think oftentimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for acknowledging it and noticing it and then choosing to change it.
I think a lot of times we feel shame that we were even like that to begin with.
And that kind of discourages us from working on it, because we're like well, if I have this terrible trait that I'm just now acknowledging, then like How the fuck am I supposed to solve it if I'm so flawed that I have this flaw to begin with?
Does that make sense?
Am I getting too heady with this?
This is just how my brain works.
But it also might be that acknowledging a negative trait can kind of hit your self-esteem a little bit.
And that can also lower your confidence in yourself to get rid of that bad trait.
Because if you acknowledge a bad trait about yourself, then it makes you feel bad about yourself.
And then you feel less confidence in yourself, less trust in yourself to solve it.
It's a real shame that it often happens this way, because I think we should all look at self-reflection and the acknowledgement of our flaws as a brave and actually emotionally intelligent thing.
It's kind of an amazing thing.
It's a skill and it's crucial in becoming a better person.
And I don't care who you are, how perfect and flawless you think you are.
Everyone at times needs to self-reflect and address their negative traits.
It's so normal.
But it can be really hard to get over the hurdle of accepting that it's a problem and also accepting that you can fix it.
And yeah, you could have fixed it months ago, years ago, but you just realized it now and now you need to fix it.
And then from there I mean that might be the hardest step the acknowledgement and the responsibility.
And then from there, I think, when we notice a negative trait in ourselves that's become sort of a habit, the best thing that we can do is slow down and pay attention to our behavior.
Now, it's kind of unrealistic to pay attention to your behavior all the time, 24-7.
At times we need to lock into autopilot, you know?
But I think in a moment, in a phase in our lives when we have something we need to address, it's really important to slow down and be mindful and to pay attention to our actions.
You know.
And I think It can be sort of tedious.
It can be sort of exhausting to constantly be thinking about what you're thinking, thinking about what you're saying and sort of filtering through it, analyzing it, pivoting it right.
If you're like starting to have a negative thought or a whiny thought, or you're about to complain or you're about to whine, it's exhausting to catch it and then be like fuck okay, I can't say that.
I'm working on not doing that.
Okay, what else can I say?
Okay, how else can I think about this?
That's an exhausting process, right?
But I think it's the only way to truly eradicating a bad trait or a bad habit is to become incredibly mindful of it and catch yourself in the act.
Think before you speak.
Think about what you're thinking and then actively make the decision to pivot every single time.
Pivot, pivot, pivot until eventually it becomes a habit to be positive.
And then guess what?
Lucky you.
You don't have to think about it anymore.
It's become a new way of life.
That's the beautiful thing about sort of a little chapter, a little phase in life of being incredibly mindful about your behaviors to potentially change them.
You don't have to do that for the rest of your life.
You know, if you work really hard at it, eventually that becomes the new habit.
And then there you go.
Okay, next.
Somebody said, is leaving your comfort zone the only way to grow in life?
In my experience, most of the time, yes.
And here's how I think of it.
Okay, let me give you a metaphor.
This is actually, I don't even think I came up with this metaphor.
I must have heard it somewhere.
But then I kind of I don't know like rewrote the story a little bit in my brain to make sense to me.
And so I don't really know where this came from, but this is how I think of it.
A challenge is like a mountain.
And if you have the proper strength and muscles, getting over the mountain is easy.
However, if you don't have the proper strength and muscles yet, it's impossible to get over the mountain until you've built that strength and those muscles.
And so the only way to get over that mountain is to train, to get stronger, to build those muscles.
In order to grow muscle, you have to push your muscles, which is like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
It's like sitting on the couch is staying in your comfort zone, okay?
Sitting on the couch and watching TV instead of building your strength to get over that mountain is like being in your comfort zone.
Going to the gym lifting weights hiking running, building your muscle so that you can get over the mountain is like getting out of your comfort zone.
That's the way I think of it.
I don't think that we should expect ourselves to grow all the time.
Like, we have to rest sometimes, you know?
It's like, we gotta sit on the couch sometimes.
You know what I mean?
You can't train and lift weights 24-7.
It's healthy and crucial for us to rest, you know, to metaphorically sit on the couch sometimes.
But we also need to take care of ourselves.
And so we also need to lift metaphorical weights and run a metaphorical mile and train to get over those mountains that we're faced in our lives, you know.
And I think that's important to keep in mind.
Like, going back to comfort zones, the key to life... always seems to be balance.
And I think that applies here.
Sometimes it's nice and healthy and important for us to be in our comfort zones.
But sometimes it's also crucial and healthy for us to push ourselves out of our comfort zones.
That's just the way it is.
Let me give you some examples of how going out of your comfort zone can cause growth.
Okay, example number one.
Confronting someone, even though you're scared to.
Perhaps confrontation is out of your comfort zone.
Maybe you're a people pleaser.
Well, if you push yourself out of your comfort zone and you confront, you'll become a better communicator, moving forward.
What a beautiful thing.
Another example, example number two.
Admitting to yourself that you need more discipline in your life can be out of your comfort zone.
Perhaps self-reflection is out of your comfort zone.
Perhaps you have a tendency to distract yourself with things outside of you, so that you don't have to reflect inward.
But perhaps one day you admit to yourself, you know what?
I need more discipline in my life.
I've been feeling kind of like shit about myself.
I don't feel good physically.
Like my sleep schedule sucks.
I don't get a lot of work done.
Like whatever.
Perhaps one day you go out of your comfort zone and you self-reflect and you admit to yourself that you need more discipline.
From there, you'll be able to make a plan.
And guess what's going to happen?
You're going to become a more disciplined version of yourself who has more, a healthier balance in your life.
Not only through that do you become more disciplined, but you also become better at holding yourself accountable and making changes in your life.
The next time you start to realize that maybe you need to self-reflect.
Something's gotta change.
That's gonna be less scary.
It's gonna be much easier.
Example number three.
Let's say, you build up the courage to break up with your partner who isn't good for you, even though you're afraid of being alone.
That's really scary.
That's out of most of our comfort zones.
But on the other side of that, not only are you going to overcome the fear of being alone, but you're going to build confidence in yourself and in your decision making.
And next time you're in a relationship that isn't serving you, you won't be as afraid to leave.
I do think that we have to go out of our comfort zones to grow.
And it's scary and it sucks and it's not fun.
And in the moment your hands will be sweaty and your stomach will hurt and you'll want to cry, and.
But then the next time you're faced with that challenge it'll be a little bit easier.
And then the next time you're faced with that challenge, it'll be a little bit easier.
Your muscles will continue to grow.
And then you'll be able to face bigger mountains and bigger mountains until you're so fucking strong that you believe that you can handle anything.
Somebody said, how do I be more present in my life?
I'm going to sound like a broken record in this episode, but I'm realizing, when it comes to bettering ourselves, a lot of it is just mindfulness and slowing down.
So I'm going to give the same advice I've already given like 20 times today.
Slow down and be a little bit more mindful.
It can be really challenging to be present, because the past and the future have a tendency to grasp onto our attention firmer than the present does.
Like, there's something about the past and the future.
I think it's the fact that they're in our imagination.
It's easy to obsess over them.
Listen.
As much as I think it's important to be present, I also think it's important to analyze the past and to think about the future.
Like you can't not do that, because if you ignore the past, then you'll ignore the lessons that the past has to offer.
And if you don't think about the future, then you're not going to be able to create goals that will give you something to work towards.
Without goals, it's very hard to feel motivated and excited about life, you know?
But also too, I think we all have things we want to accomplish, you know, in our lives.
And if we're too present and we're enjoying the moment too much and we're not thinking about the future at all, we can at times get a little lazy.
Perhaps you know.
So it is important to pay attention to the past and the future, but it becomes a problem when it's an obsession that gets in the way of being present.
It gets in the way when you look at the past and you look at the future and you feel stress, you feel upset, You feel overwhelmed.
I think one of the best ways to be more present in life is to not, in the moment, in the present moment, be like I am going to be present right now and enjoy this moment.
Now listen, that does help, okay?
Being mindful in a present moment and choosing to enjoy it can definitely help.
But I think that's not addressing the root of the issue.
I think the root of the issue is an obsession with the past and the future.
And so I think The best way to handle that is to improve your relationship with the past and the future.
Look at your past and, instead of dwelling on it and wishing you could have done things differently, use it as a teacher.
Use your past as a teacher.
Accept your past for what it is and let it sit in your brain softly as a teacher.
And think of it as like a nice teacher, a warm teacher, your favorite teacher.
Instead of thinking of the past as like this mean evil teacher who's like walking around the classroom smacking the desks with rulers.
Think of this teacher as like a kind, warm, understanding teacher.
Is that a weird metaphor?
Is that a weird way of thinking of it?
I'm not sure, but that's kind of how I think of it.
It's pointless to dwell on the past and regret because what's done is done.
And so to put a positive spin on it, accept the past for what it is and allow it to make you a better person.
That can help your relationship with the past.
If you allow it to teach you things and through that you become a better version of you, you'll learn to accept the past for what it is.
Because you'll see that everything that's ever happened to you in your life was crucial.
It had to happen to teach you valuable lessons that will make you a better person moving forward.
As for the future, I think the key to having a healthy relationship with your future is to make the right kind of goals.
I think at times we can become obsessed with a very specific future.
Like I'm going to marry this person and I'm going to have two kids, one girl and one boy, and the boy's going to be younger.
And then I'm going to have a dog and the dog is going to be a golden retriever.
And the golden retriever is going to poop in the yard a lot.
And then I'm going to live in a house that has exactly four bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms.
And I'm going to live on this street.
And I'm going to do when you start doing all that listen, I don't ever want to get in the way of somebody's particular way of manifesting, but I do think that making hyper-specific goals like that can sometimes create an obsession with the future.
That's unhealthy, because then you become obsessed with getting.
It's like if one day you're at an animal shelter and you meet this dog that you fall in love with, but it's not the golden retriever that you imagined you're like.
Well, that's not what I was manifesting, so maybe I shouldn't.
And that's not living in the present moment.
Or perhaps maybe you thought you were gonna marry this one person.
Maybe you thought you were gonna marry your ex.
Maybe you're like, one day we'll be back together.
But then one day at a bar you meet this new person and you're like, wait a minute.
I really like this person.
But then you're like well, but I don't think that that's right, because I had this very particular plan about the future.
I think it's really important to make goals that are vague enough to allow life to happen as it may, but also specific enough to be intentional with your life.
You know like a goal might be that you want to be in a particular kind of romantic relationship, perhaps one where there's laughing but there's also perhaps a certain type of affection that you like.
Perhaps there's a certain common interest, like you both love traveling.
Perhaps there's a certain type of way that you know you need to be nurtured by your partner if you're going to be together forever.
When it comes to making a goal of where you're going to live one day, settle down.
Instead of being like, I want to live on this street and with this cross street and I need to be in this house that I've always had saved to my Zillow.
Instead.
Maybe it's like I want to be in a home that has this particular energy, you know like.
Maybe it's warm and cozy like grandma's house.
Or maybe you say I want to live somewhere where there's a really beautiful tight knit community and we do block parties once a month.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
More flexible goals.
I think that that can be incredibly helpful if you're struggling with being present.
Last but not least, somebody said, how do I calm myself down when I'm feeling triggered?
It's such a big feeling and I feel like I'm gonna crash out, but I wanna handle myself with grace.
I'm about to give the same advice for the 50th time.
You gotta slow down and be mindful.
I think that's honestly the most cringe like it's such like a.
It feels like such empty advice because It feels cliche.
It feels so obvious.
But it's just simply true.
I think a lot of times when we start to feel emotions, we can get so wrapped up in the adrenaline that we just let it all out.
Let it explode.
And we don't take any time to take a beat, take a breath and figure out how to better handle it than that.
It's just so all-consuming in a moment like that.
And it's just so tempting to just let it all come out that it takes an immense amount of mental strength to be able to sort of stop it before it happens.
Which is why honestly, my suggestion would be if you're feeling upset and you feel like it's about to explode out of you, take a beat to yourself.
Be like, hey, you know what?
Can I take a second?
Can I just take a second?
Go walk outside.
Go sit on the fucking toilet.
Take a break.
Take deep breaths.
Calm down a little bit.
And figure out how you can communicate what you're feeling without doing it in a way that's explosive, you know.
Like how can you get your point across in a way that's respectful but also firm, but also expresses the emotions that you're feeling properly, right?
Like, you don't wanna hide your emotions necessarily.
You wanna find that balance.
And there have been times in my life where I've had to give myself a second.
If I feel like I'm gonna react in a way that I'm not proud of.
And I think the long-term goal is, after doing that for a while, Eventually you won't need to go take a beat anymore.
You won't need to go walk outside or sit on the toilet.
It'll just come naturally to stop, be silent for a second and figure out how to communicate in a way that you'll be proud of.
But it all comes down to slowing down.
Like if you say the first thing that comes to your mind in a moment like that, you might regret it.
My other piece of advice would be to fake it till you make it.
Fake that you're not angry.
Well, I mean, you can still express anger, but like fake that you're not explosive, fake being graceful, fake being composed, fake it act.
I think that's totally fine.
I've done that many times in my life.
I've been so fucking pissed, but I've just pretended like I wasn't.
And it's weird because it actually ends up becoming real.
It's almost like when you're crying and then you look in the mirror and you smile makes you stop crying.
Even though you don't feel happy, It relaxes those negative emotions a little bit.
And even though you might not be thrilled, there's something about smiling in the mirror when you're crying that makes you feel a little bit better.
And I think a similar thing can happen in a moment like you're describing.
You know, you get upset.
You want to explode.
Pretend that you're graceful.
Pretend that you don't want to explode.
And you still might feel a little bit like you want to explode inside, but it might feel a little bit easier.
That's all the advice I have for you all today.
I hope that you all enjoyed this.
Maybe you found some value in it.
Maybe you didn't.
Maybe you just fell asleep while listening.
Whatever the case may be.
I'm just happy I got to spend this time with you all.
As always, it's such a pleasure.
I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
New episodes of Advice Session, like this one, every other Sunday.
So tune in for that if you like this episode.
Anything Goes is everywhere.
You stream podcasts, but if you want to watch a video you got to go on YouTube and Spotify.
Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes.
I'm on the internet at Emma Chamberlain and my coffee company is on the internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee.
I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
I had a bit of brain fog today, if I'm being honest, recording this.
I got a lot of thoughts rolling around.
We'll talk about it later.
We'll get into why I have brain fog today in another episode.
So just stay tuned for that.
I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
Thank you for hanging out.
And I'll talk to you in a few.
