This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 513 How to Own Your Apology at Work.
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Hey, Lindsay, how are you?
Excellent, Michelle.
How's everything going for you?
Pretty good.
Pretty good.
Have you had to ask anyone for forgiveness recently?
Hard question.
No, luckily I haven't lately.
What I can think of.
Maybe to my partner.
I sort of like interrupted at one point and had to had to apologize, but it wasn't a very serious thing.
What about you?
Anything going on.
Yeah, i mean i um i may have mentioned this on the other episodes, but recently i did ask my three-year-old for forgiveness because i yelled at her a little bit in the morning and as a parent, i do believe that you should apologize to your kids, for if you, if you lose it in front of them just as a model right um yeah, but then she'll be like you screamed at me, Then she'll weaponize that a little bit.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So today we're going to answer a listener question.
And really, this is also related to another mini series that we were doing.
So this is part three of our series on apologies and forgiveness.
So...
Well, the first episode was on this podcast, episode 502.
That was It's Water Under the Bridge, How to Accept an Apology at Work.
And what was the next one?
Part two in the series was All Ears English, 2532, Four Ways to Apologize in English.
And guys, if you're not listening to All Ears English, we publish five days a week over there.
You want to have that in your listening queue.
So go and open your search bar and type in All Ears English and hit the follow button or, of course, subscribe on YouTube.
Okay, perfect.
So speaking of YouTube, that is where this question came from.
From Ismael Lemery, the sixth, sorry.
And the question was just tell us what does the word atone mean?
Yeah.
Wow.
When I think of this word, I think about religion, history.
Pretty heavy word, Michelle.
It is a very heavy word.
And the same, that's what I think of as well, right?
I immediately think of religion, truly.
Yeah.
Yes.
So would you say that this is a word that you use in everyday English?
That's a big negative.
Yeah.
That's a big negative, Michelle.
No, it's way too formal for me.
I mean maybe if you're at church and you hear like the priest say something like atone for your sins.
I don't know.
There's a lot there and I don't know a lot of religious context.
So but we know it comes up in different religions, Christianity, Judaism.
But no, I wouldn't say this to a friend if I want to apologize.
No.
Right.
Right.
So that's what it means, though.
I mean, atone is a verb that means to ask forgiveness.
Yes.
To do something to fix a wrong that you've committed.
Yes.
Yeah.
Again, like Lindsay said, you would hear, I think, of atone for one's sins.
So very religious sounding.
So you're apologizing or asking forgiveness, right, for things that you've done wrong.
So this is commonly how you would hear it.
But again...
This is not going to be something you hear unless you're talking about religion.
Truly, I don't think.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
And so there are.
We need more practical things to say, even in business, because it's smart to be able to apologize in business.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we've been talking about this, you know, like the water under the bridge episode.
So what are words that we can use that are not a tone but similar right for this, you know the regular outside of religious world.
Yeah, I mean, apologize.
Sometimes it's good to just be as explicit as you can.
This is formal, but it's more not too formal and it's more common.
So I apologize for my actions.
This is really fully owning what you've done.
And this would work in the workplace, too, I think.
Definitely.
Or she should apologize to me.
Then we will be fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What about ask for forgiveness?
What do we think about that?
That also feels very serious to me.
It is.
Yeah, it. it is a little more serious.
It's, it's interesting.
It's different than apologizing.
Apologizing is just saying, I'm sorry.
Asking for forgiveness is like taking that extra step, or it's kind of this it's almost this step that you take.
It almost, in a way it's almost a little insecure, right?
Because you're like, is everything right? is that, are you okay now?
Right.
But right, right, right.
Like you need their forgiveness is what you're saying.
It's insecure.
You need their saying it's okay.
Right.
Right.
Which is opens a whole other emotional topic for sure.
Um, but so I don't, I don't really use this.
Like I wouldn't say, can I ask for your forgiveness?
It just feels too formal for me, but well, what about this?
Would you say, do you forgive me?
Yeah, sometimes I might.
Sure.
Yeah.
That's more common.
Yeah, a little more common.
But you might hear it like this in a sentence.
I asked her for forgiveness and she finally said yes.
Okay.
Yeah, that's fair.
What else?
Is there something else, Michelle, that we might say?
Yeah, well, now we're kind of moving on to the next step.
Okay.
To make up for something or to make it up to someone.
So these are the actual... We've done our apologizing.
These are the actual actions.
Yeah, actual actions.
That you take to make things better, right?
So there might be something concrete that you do.
So, for example, she made up for losing her cool by calling her coworker and apologizing and offering to take her out to lunch the next day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I like that.
Or let me make it up to you.
How about hot chocolate on me?
So we've done something.
Again, you might say that too.
Yeah, go ahead.
Oh, no, you go ahead.
No, you go ahead.
No, you go ahead.
Do you forgive me?
No, I'm just joking.
Yes, you might say that like, oh, let me do something to make things right.
Right.
I'm actually going to take action.
Now, interesting.
When you said, how about hot chocolate on me?
Does that mean how about you take a hot chocolate and you throw it in my face?
No, no, no.
This means I'm going to pay for it, right?
Hot chocolate on me.
When someone says that it's on me, it means they're going to pay for it.
So they're taking you out for a hot chocolate is what they're doing.
They better have whipped cream if they want to, you know, if they want to forgive this.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
All right, guys, we're going to talk about some more related phrases after the break.
All right.
Redeem oneself, Michelle would be another phrase also sounds very formal to me.
Right well, this is the same idea, a formal version of the steps you're making to make things right right um, so it's it's, it's.
It's a similar idea of make it up to you or make up for something um, but it's to redeem yourself, or it's almost more like i.
I It's not necessarily something little like oh, getting hot chocolate, but it's like proving yourself.
Yeah, yeah.
You kind of even the playing field again.
Or you regain someone's trust, perhaps.
Regain someone's trust.
For example, I was really upset about her not doing her fair share of the project, but she redeemed herself by managing all the spreadsheets for the next months.
And sometimes this happens, right?
Sometimes someone doesn't seem to be pulling their weight and then they're able to contribute in a different way.
That actually evens the score a little bit.
Right.
So they redeem themselves.
Um, and then what's the next one?
We're going to do one more because I make things right or set things right.
I'm going to make things right with her.
I feel terrible for what I said.
Yeah.
So again, so that's, That might just mean apologize, right?
Have a talk with her.
It might mean doing something more, like making it up to her or doing something specific.
So this one is a little bit more broad.
We don't know exactly what you're going to do.
Right, right.
And yeah, I mean, it seems like it would only be something that would happen in your social life.
But no, you also need to apologize at work.
We make mistakes at work.
We step on people's toes.
Right.
And that's very important to maintain that relationship, those relationships.
Absolutely.
We need to know when, And I think I spoke about this with Aubrey.
On the other one is you can't just
You have to be specific when you apologize.
You you can't just say, oh, I'm sorry if I offended you or I'm right.
That's always like the fake sounding one.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure.
For sure.
Because that puts the burden on them and says, oh, you interpret interpreted this as offensive.
Right.
I didn't actually do anything wrong, but I'm sorry that you felt that way.
So, yeah, you want to be specific in your apologies and be genuine, right?
I mean, as long as you really are genuine.
Yeah.
Which of these, Michelle, do you usually use?
Maybe in a workplace scenario, which would you tend to use?
Honestly, I think apologize.
It's always going to be... a really good one.
Um, and professionally I, I actually might say redeem myself.
That seems a little bit more professional to me.
Um, but I know it is slightly on the formal end.
What do you think Lindsay?
Right.
I really like apologize.
So I, I'd like to apologize for what I said.
I just think that's really, really, um, just fully owning, owning it.
Um, and it's not overly, it's not like, um, a tone for my sins that feels religious or anything.
It's not too much.
It's just right.
So I would use that usually in a professional context.
Yeah.
You can't go wrong with saying I'm, I'd like to apologize.
You just, you can't go.
What about, what about say sorry?
Ah, say sorry.
Feels a little juvenile.
Feels a little casual.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He said sorry.
It's something a kid would say.
Did you say sorry?
Yeah.
Yes.
You're sorry.
Yeah.
I've said that a lot.
Um, so yeah, I would steer, I would steer clear of that one for the workplace or maybe most conversations I would say as an adult, you're more likely to say, Oh, I want to, I'd like to apologize.
Right.
Yep.
Apologizes the adult version of saying sorry as a kid.
Yeah, exactly.
So should we do a role play?
Let's do it.
So here you and me, uh, so we are talking and you forgot to RSVP to my presentation.
Okay.
Oh, not good.
Okay.
Okay.
Hi, Lindsay.
I can't believe I didn't RSVP to your presentation.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
It went well.
Missed you there.
I really apologize.
I don't know what happened.
I want to ask forgiveness.
Yeah, it's fine.
I get it.
You're still mad.
I want to redeem myself.
I want to make things right between us.
Your friendship means a lot to me.
We've been working together forever.
Thanks, Michelle.
Let me make it up to you.
I really want to hear the whole thing and learn about what you said and how it went.
Can I take you out to lunch and have you explain everything to me?
I heard it was really excellent.
You're so nice, Michelle.
OK, it sounds good.
OK, I'm sorry again.
Right after I said we don't say sorry, then we say I'm sorry.
So, yeah, I don't know.
That's funny because I naturally use that.
Do you think it sounded juvenile?
No, it sounded right.
Like maybe for your personality.
I think, again, it comes down to personalities too.
Like I could see you saying that at work.
It doesn't sound childish coming from you.
It just, ah, it's a hard one.
I think just the phrase, say you're sorry, or he said he was sorry, that's a little juvenile.
That sounds like something a parent would say to a child, right?
But, oh, I'm sorry again.
Once again, I'm so sorry.
Those are okay.
You can kind of get away with those as an adult at work.
Okay, it's interesting yeah interesting how, like i i said that and then i'm reading through this role play and i think, wait a second.
Yeah um, you guys are getting real english here, 100 real english.
As we think through this, there's a lot of nuances to our language here.
Right definitely, yeah.
So um, first i said i'm so sorry and then um Sorry, Lindsay.
See, I just said sorry.
So I guess it's okay.
I guess it's okay.
I guess it is okay.
Or maybe it's just me.
I don't know.
But Lindsay, I should have given you some more context.
Yeah, you're not feeling.
I'm not feeling the apology.
Yeah, I can tell because I'm so short with you.
Yeah, it's fine.
Thanks, Michelle.
Right.
I'm very short in my responses.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I said, oh, so I said, I really apologize.
And then I said, I don't know what happened.
I want to ask for forgiveness.
So this one sounds a little out of place.
I might have said a little more natural might be, I hope you can forgive me.
Yeah, I like that.
It does sound a little too formal.
I want to ask for forgiveness.
It sounds like a little bit too much of a, I don't know, ritual or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
And then you said, I get it.
You're still mad.
I want to redeem myself.
Also kind of formal.
I want to make things right between us.
Okay.
And then you said, thanks, Michelle.
So you're not giving me anything.
And I'm getting more and more nervous as the time is going on.
I'm getting so uncomfortable here.
Yeah, the balance of the number of words you're using versus mine are very out of whack, right?
Yes, exactly.
So I said, let me make it up to you so that now I'm making a plan.
I want to take you out.
Can I get you lunch?
All of these things.
So that's my plan.
Yeah.
And the other piece as a bonus that I want to add here is sometimes forgiving like apologizing means admitting that it was your fault.
Like I've had a conversation just this week and I was on the receiving end of an apology.
And a lot of what I heard was, And it was very genuine and I totally accepted it and I appreciated it.
And it was, you know, I really I'm so again, I think there was a sorry in there, too.
And that's professional.
So that's OK.
It was I'm so sorry.
It was completely my fault.
Right.
And that that is owning.
That's another thing we can do.
Yes.
It was completely my fault.
Yeah.
Yeah yeah, that's a good one as well, and saying something like no excuses, it was my fault, it won't happen again.
These are things we can, you know, we can say to further this a little bit more.
Just bonuses, little bonuses yeah yeah exactly um so um, yeah.
The takeaway for today is, You know, number one, a tone.
Don't use it unless you're in a religious context.
I would say, yeah, pretty.
That's a pretty, pretty good rule of thumb.
And yeah, but we gave you a bunch of expressions that you can use and we really talked through them.
So guys listen again just to give you those other episodes if you didn't hear them already.
Was episode 502 of the Business English podcast.
Was it's Water Under the Bridge?
How to Accept an Apology at Work.
And then All Ears English, our other show, go on over there and hit the follow button.
And that episode was 2532, Four Ways to Apologize in English.
Really useful stuff.
Yes.
And this is the takeaway.
I mean, this is a complex skill.
That's why we've given it three episodes in this series.
That And yeah, we could do more, but we've given you some basic tools to start to work with.
Now start to listen for it.
Maybe there's someone you need to apologize to at work.
This would be the time to do it, right?
Build that relationship.
This is your sign.
Let us know how it goes as well.
All right.
Yes.
All right, Lindsay.
Nice talking to you about this.
And thank you to the listener for that question as well.
Bye.
Take care.
Bye.
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