This is the Business English Podcast, episode 494.
Feedback that tastes better than a compliment sandwich.
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Hello, Aubrey.
How are you?
I'm great, Lindsay.
How are you?
Good.
Aubrey, would you say that you are good at receiving feedback?
Usually, yes.
I think I'm very open to feedback and I want feedback, right?
I want to know if I'm not doing something correctly.
I would definitely rather know than just keep doing something wrong.
Of course.
But it does depend on how it's given, right?
Yeah.
I have received feedback that was harder to take, depending on the person and how they were giving it.
Yes.
It's so much in the art of delivery when it comes to feedback, right?
And this is so cultural too.
I'm sure it is.
Yes.
Absolutely.
This is going to be interesting.
We were inspired by something that came up in our Q&A.
So this is for personal coach students in our class every week.
We have this interesting Q&A where they can ask questions about English.
And Mohamed brought this up sort of about the feedback sandwich.
You've probably heard of the feedback sandwich.
So we're going to dive into it today.
But guys, be sure to hit follow.
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So Aubrey, where do we start here?
I mean, if we haven't heard about the compliment sandwich, the feedback sandwich, what is it?
Yeah.
So this, imagine a sandwich where the bread is praise.
So you start with praise and then the criticism is the meat and cheese and whatever's in the sandwich, and then praise again at the end.
And this gained popularity in the 80s as a way to soften negative feedback.
But what was interesting, Muhammad pointed out he has personally noticed at work how much people forget the positive feedback if it's followed by the words but or however, and then negative feedback.
It was like, you forget the positive feedback.
It feels like manipulation.
It doesn't feel sincere.
It feels like they were just warming you up for that negative feedback.
Yeah well, if you think about how the brain is designed, the brainstem, the lower level of thinking, it is designed to find that danger, right?
And to like discount and ignore the safe things, everything.
That's okay because your brain is.
You've got to find that tiger that's coming after you, right?
Yeah.
Right.
That's such a good point.
Yeah.
So I try not to use like but however that feels.
Yeah, it's very formulaic, isn't it?
Yes, exactly.
But what was interesting as I started researching for this episode, recent research is showing that people started to associate praise with criticism because this was so popular this compliment sandwich.
And they would anticipate the but. or however, right?
So like, as you're hearing this positive feedback, you're like I'm being prepped for negative feedback.
I could see how the brain would start to think that way.
It makes sense, right?
Especially for the negative, especially because we have that laser, laser targeted radar for the negative right.
Right.
Yeah.
So this is interesting.
Do you think, Lindsay, that a compliment should never be given before negative feedback?
Well, I mean, now that you're telling us about this, I can see how this is happening.
And well, I think the only time it should be is if it's really genuine.
I mean sometimes there's.
I mean usually when you do a kind of a performance review with a team member, I mean usually there's maybe great things that they're doing.
And then there are some things they could work on.
And that's genuine, right?
And real.
So I don't think it's always bad.
Yeah, I agree.
I think it really depends if it's done correctly and it's sincere, right?
It's praise or compliments that are sincere and are true.
Then, even if it's within the same performance review, it won't feel like that was just all manipulation leading up to the negative feedback.
But if it's like a quick compliment sandwich, where it's like you're doing great but we're forgetting that you're doing great.
That means nothing.
I mean, some things you could do is set up a kind of a a rubric or like set up a system.
So in this section of the meeting we're going to go through what you're doing well and then we'll get to things to work on.
That could help, you know, that could provide structure.
Yeah.
It helps you compartmentalize that you're going to hear what you're doing well.
Awesome.
And then you're going to get, you know, things you could work on.
Yeah, totally.
Okay.
What else do we need to know here, Aubrey?
Yeah.
So as part of this article that I found it was in Newsweek called Compliment Sandwiches Don't Work.
How to Better Give Negative Feedback.
This was just in August of 2025.
Okay.
They spoke with Karen McMillan, who's professor in organizational behavior at the Ivy Business School.
And she has this five-step framework to make feedback constructive that I really loved.
So I thought we could share this sort of five-step framework and then what we think about it and kind of share our own ideas here.
What do you think?
Yeah, let's do it.
So first step that Karen suggests is start with a plan.
What does she mean by that?
That's kind of like what you said.
When you at the beginning of a performance review, when you have a plan for first.
We're going to talk about what has been going really well.
And after, right, you're sharing the plan with that person.
So whether this is an official performance review or or something separate.
If you have a plan and you share that with the other person, then it's going to feel intentional.
Yeah, I think that makes a lot more sense.
It gives them.
Okay, at this moment we're going to hear the good things and then we'll go into the things to work on.
And it's a way to kind of put the mind around something.
And it would soften the blow a little bit, I think.
Definitely.
Yeah, I agree.
And then the second step in her framework is to make it a dialogue.
I really loved this.
I think the more you just talk at someone, tell them what they're doing wrong, the more they feel attacked and criticized.
Whereas if you make it an open dialogue, give them space to share if they agree or what they think could be improved, it's going to be more productive.
Yeah, or just seeing if there's like a gap in understanding of something, of timelines right right, or it there.
There's only so many things that you can think of that are causing something to go wrong as a manager, and it might be outside of your wheelhouse, might be something else going on that you're not aware of.
So i love this idea of the dialogue, Right.
You need to get that information often from the person about what's causing this to go wrong.
Right.
It's usually not just laziness or not for nothing.
Right.
There's something there's some kind of bottleneck, maybe something happening.
Yes.
And then show you care.
Absolutely.
Non-negotiable for managers.
Right.
Connect the feedback to the employees goals.
That's really important.
You know.
People deserve to know how they are achieving their professional goals and show why you want them to succeed.
Like you want to show them or you want to help them succeed.
Right.
Everyone needs to know the why and to know that people care, so that you're also invested and motivated.
And then it won't just feel like criticism for criticism's sake.
If you have a mutual goal, if we're clear about why this is important, it's going to be so much more effective.
What else, Aubrey?
What would be step five?
All right.
Well, spore was end with clarity.
So this is to together set an action plan to make sure that it's understood what needs to be done to change whatever's happening.
And the follow-up piece is so important.
So checking back in a few weeks later when the action plan is in place, that will signal to your employee that you care, that it matters that this is followed up on right.
That will bring it all together.
Follow-up is hugely underrated, I think, in the business world.
It's so true.
We want to.
We're busy and we don't always think about it and we like tell someone and then just hope that they do it.
But yeah, you have to take that extra step and time and planning to follow up.
And then treat it as a process is the final tip.
Tell us about this.
Yeah, I love this.
It says you know, real change comes from ongoing conversations rather than, like one-time conversations criticisms.
So I really love this.
A lot of that's like you said, the follow-up, that's going to be an ongoing conversation.
You're not expecting someone to reverse everything, especially if there's a process that has been working that you're asking to be changed.
That's going to be an ongoing process.
Yes, I love it.
So we'll take a quick break and then we'll show what this might look like in a longer role play.
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Okay, Aubrey, so set the scene for us here.
What are we doing?
Okay, so you are a manager Susan, and you're meeting with one of your employees Marcy, that I will play.
So I'm a mid-level marketing associate who recently missed two project deadlines and has not been proactive in communicating delays.
So let's see how this goes using this framework.
All right, here we go.
Hey, Marcy.
I wanted to chat today because I've been thinking about how we can help you be even more effective in your role.
I really value the creativity you bring to campaigns like the spring launch concept, which was fantastic.
That said, I've noticed a couple of recent deadlines were missed and I think if we address that, it could really elevate your performance even more.
Can you tell me from your perspective what's been going on with those timelines?
I'd love to understand if there's something I'm missing or if there are any blockers that we should be aware of.
Yeah, so I've been juggling a few projects at once.
And I guess I underestimated how long the client revisions would take.
I didn't want to make excuses, so I just kept working on it.
That makes sense.
So I know you've got high standards for your work and you care about delivering strong results, which is a great quality.
At the same time, part of growing in your role, especially as you take on more complex projects, is being able to flag issues early.
You mentioned wanting to lead larger campaigns, right?
Yes, definitely.
That's something I've been working toward.
So this kind of communication is key to getting there.
Senior leads are trusted not just for creative execution, but also for managing time and expectations across teams.
So here's what I'd like us to try moving forward.
If you sense a deadline might slip, just ping me or the team as early as possible so we can adjust if needed.
Let's also check in twice a week for the next few sprints to stay ahead of any bottlenecks.
Does that sound doable?
For sure.
I think that'll help me stay on top of everything better.
Great.
I'm here to help you grow into the next level.
So let's keep checking in about how this is going.
And if you need more support or something isn't working, let's talk about it.
Sound good?
Yeah, that sounds great.
Thanks, Susan.
I appreciate the feedback.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How did this feel to you, Aubrey?
Did it feel...
Yeah.
I really liked how you started by instead of making assumptions, you wanted more information, right?
You're like, can you tell me from your perspective what's been going on?
I'd love to understand if there's something I'm missing or any blockers we should be aware of.
So instead of blaming me, you're sort of giving me the benefit of the doubt that there's some kind of blocker that needs fixed.
Yeah.
And I also like how I articulated how learning to flag issues early is actually key to your own progression in your career, as opposed to like.
This is how we do it, so you should do it right.
It's like I want to help you get to the next stage in your career, so here's why we should implement this right.
Yes, right?
That part of that framework, show you care, by connecting feedback to someone's goals, right?
And I feel like that was really well done here.
I agree.
Yes, good example.
So this is totally different from a feedback sandwich where we go in and we...
And we say something good and then immediately something bad and then something good, right?
This is a new framework, more robust framework for performance reviews, right?
Yes.
And about building connections, that feedback sandwich doesn't build connection, right?
Imagine if you said like, you know, I really value your creativity.
But you need to get things turned in on time.
And then especially, I feel like the positive after when it's like praise, then criticism and then praise.
That last bit of praise would feel pretty... disingenuous, right?
Completely.
Like, I think you're a great employee.
I don't know.
It's just so strange.
I completely agree.
So this is the new way to do it.
So guys, take a look at this dialogue again.
Think about your role at your work and how can you improve?
Giving feedback is awkward no matter what.
It's always going to feel awkward.
But if we have these frameworks and we really think about kind of the why behind the deadline, why weren't the deadlines happening and why should this new process of flagging early be put into place?
It's all about the why, if you think about it.
Exactly.
Right.
If everyone understands why this is important and you follow this framework to make sure that you show care, that you have a plan, you're not just throwing criticism at someone.
And then, like you said, Lindsay, that follow up is really important as well.
Make it a process so that change can actually happen.
Yeah.
So good.
So inspiring.
And I think that is the takeaway for today, Aubrey.
But there is another episode our listeners should check out.
What is that?
Yeah.
If you missed a Business English 490, scroll up.
It was called Doing Business or Making Business.
This was a good one.
We want to make sure you didn't miss it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a common challenge.
Do or make, but we put it in the business context.
So go and check out that episode, guys.
490.
Aubrey, thanks for bringing this topic today to the show.
Good one.
Awesome.
Thanks, Lindsay.
We'll see you next time.
Have a good day.
Bye.
You too.
Bye.
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