This is the Business English Podcast, episode 480 how to use the real framework to compromise at work.
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Hello, Michelle.
How are you?
I'm doing well, Aubrey.
I'm excited to record with you today.
How are you?
I am great.
I know I'm excited.
This is interesting.
Michelle, are you good at compromising?
I think so.
I mean...
I think so.
Are you?
Yeah, I think so too.
I think you sort of have to be once you have children.
You're picking your battles, you're compromising on things, right?
But even before I had kids, I feel like in a lot of my jobs, I was good at compromising.
I was never insisting on what I wanted.
But have you known anyone who wasn't good at compromising?
I have.
No one that stands out totally in my mind, but I'm sure I do.
So you do?
I definitely, right?
And it's interesting how this is very based on personality.
Often like if someone's stubborn, or if someone just decides that their idea is the best or they're really excited about their idea, it's hard to back down.
It's hard to listen to what others have to say.
So this is interesting because it's such a vital skill at work, wouldn't you say, to compromise?
Oh, my gosh.
Absolutely.
It's totally necessary now.
Probably you're compromising a lot because otherwise you're going to get a reputation.
People aren't going to want to work with you.
Yeah.
And it's interesting.
So yeah, finding common ground with coworkers is really crucial right for collaboration, workplace Harmony, productivity.
But it's really interesting because this is different.
We're not talking about compromising, like morals or standards, because we'll hear people talk about that as well.
Like, I'm not going to compromise my values.
This is different.
It's sort of compromising about the correct path forward at work.
When there are multiple ideas, Often we can sort of find a way to make it all work or take part of both things.
But it's tricky to know how to do this, especially when people either really disagree or you end up working with someone who isn't good at compromising.
Yeah, yeah.
So guys, I'm really looking forward to this because Aubrey, you introduced this topic of the real framework.
And that's going to help us learn about compromise at work.
Before we get into this guys, we do want to let you know that Lindsay is coming back, so don't worry.
She will be here, but right now she is on vacation, so Aubrey and I are recording, which is really fun.
Yes.
And also we want to remind you to hit follow wherever you're listening to the Business English podcast.
Exactly right.
Stop right now.
Search Business English.
If you haven't hit follow, you are missing amazing episodes.
Yes, exactly.
So Aubrey, what is the real framework?
Yeah, so R-E-A-L, it stands for respect differences empathize, align on shared goals and then listen and learn.
So this framework, these four steps, will help you come to a compromise in any situation, no matter who you are working with because, where the business world is so global now, you are working with people from many different cultures, many different backgrounds, different values, and if you just expect them to see the world the way you do and agree with everything you do, it will be very difficult to ever come to an agreement.
Yeah right, exactly.
So yeah, this is.
This is huge.
I'm excited to jump into this.
So um, Should we get going with the R?
Yeah, we're going to dive into this framework.
And then we're also going to share questions that you can ask to find out more about colleagues, in order to compromise and build connection.
Because a lot of this, you won't know about someone just from like the small talk you share.
You might need to ask questions to find out about their style about these cultural differences.
So stay to the end.
We're going to share questions that you would want to ask coworkers.
But let's dive into this framework with R. It starts with R, real.
Perfect.
Respect differences.
Yeah, respect differences.
So recognize that everyone comes from different backgrounds, experiences, and work styles.
And this is interesting.
Even if you are from the same country, even the same hometown, you still have a different family that raised you.
You have been through different experiences.
You have different work experience, life experience, and you both have different work styles.
So and then imagine compound that so much.
If someone is from a different culture, a different country, it might be even more different.
Right.
And the other thing is to avoid assumptions or judgment based on first impressions, right?
So you know, try and really come in with an open mind about everyone and you know, just wait and see what everybody brings to the table.
Yeah.
First impressions or maybe what you've heard about someone.
Maybe you start at a job and someone, you know, is sharing something about someone.
You need to find out for yourself, right?
Give someone the benefit of the doubt until, yeah, you know for yourself.
Yeah.
And then what about listening, Aubrey?
Yeah.
So listening actively.
It's not enough just to like recognize these differences or respect these differences.
We need to be willing to listen and value input from anyone that we work with.
Absolutely.
So yeah, this is great.
So this is the R. Should we go to the E?
Yes, E, which is empathize.
Okay, so yeah, this is put yourself in someone else's shoes, right?
So try to understand their pressures, their motivations, their goals.
Try and really learn from them and not just think of it from your perspective.
Exactly.
This as a mother.
If I didn't ever try to understand where my children are coming from, I probably would just insist on what I want and not listen to them and not understand.
But we realize right away that doesn't work.
That might just create an angry child.
It's the same at work, you know, and I've been in these situations with coworkers as well.
If I try to really understand where they're coming from, their motivation, the pressure they're under, then I'm a lot more understanding.
I can have that empathy.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, and this really...
So this E, the empathize one, it shows emotional intelligence, right?
So you can acknowledge feelings without needing to fix them.
Yes, exactly.
Right.
So, if you are truly feeling empathy and trying to understand someone, and then you will try to understand not only their motivations, the pressure, but also their emotions.
Why might they be emotionally attached to a Yeah, so this is to align on shared goals.
So you always want to find out where you overlap whether it's the objective for the team, maybe your company mission.
This will always be a place where you overlap.
Mutual success metrics, right?
So there will be something, a goal that you are both striving toward that, if we keep the bigger picture in mind, often it might be easier to come to a compromise on the smaller things.
Right, exactly.
Yeah.
So, for example, you might say something like we both want this project to succeed and be recognized.
So realizing that we have things in common that we need to work toward together.
Exactly, right?
We're all in the same boat.
We're all on the same team.
So instead of maybe... butting heads and fighting with each other.
We have that more of a spirit of collaboration and compromise.
Yep.
And then L is listen and learn.
So stay curious.
Don't be combative when disagreements arise.
This is huge, right?
If there is, you know, two of you have an idea and you both feel very strongly about it.
If you both stop listening, you're not open minded to the value of someone else's idea and you get combative defensive, then this is when it can get emotional disagreements could arise.
Nothing productive will come of that.
Yeah.
All right, so now we're going to dive into, for each of these, the real framework, the questions that you could ask in order to do this right.
To find out what's important to them, maybe what they're struggling with, why they feel so passionately about something.
So you're about to make a trade based on a friend's text.
But which you do you listen to?
Is it, we could buy a house in Tulum.
Get optioning those options.
We could lose everything.
Or let's do a little research.
Get your head in the trade and make the investment decision that's right for you.
Learn more at FINRA.org slash trade smart.
Right, exactly.
So the questions to ask.
So for empathize, You ask questions to find out what's important to them.
Like Aubrey said, what are they struggling with?
So understanding goals and priorities.
So what outcomes matter most to you?
Or what does success look like from your perspective?
Yes, and you can see how these questions aim to build, rather than be combative or be defensive, right.
We're trying to find a compromise, trying to understand goals, priorities and also understanding values or motivation right.
You could ask what part of your role do you care most about or what's been most rewarding for you lately?
These kinds of questions that don't come up if you're just chatting over lunch or always just talking about the project and what your tasks are.
These questions would need to be asked in order to really understand what motivates someone.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's going to really just get you into their shoes really, really think about things differently.
And then there's also for listen and learn.
It's about understanding perspective.
So for example, you could say, can you help me understand your perspective?
Or you could say, what's your thought process behind that?
Yeah.
So you can see how your goal is to find out more about their idea or what they're wanting or asking for, rather than just shutting them down and only pushing your idea.
If your goal is to listen learn empathize, then you may be able to find a compromise that's stronger than both of your individual ideas.
Right, right.
And then it's also important to, you know, of course, understand their experience.
So this is helpful as well.
So you could say something like, have you dealt with something like this before?
Or what's worked well for you in the past?
Exactly.
Okay, we're going to do a role play that I'm really excited about here.
This is a little bit of a longer one.
We are working on a client proposal here, and I've pushed for a conservative risk averse strategy.
Well, you want to take a more innovative approach.
So tension has built a little bit.
And you initiate a one-on-one to align better.
So we'll see how this conversation goes.
Okay, here we go.
Hey, Aubrey, thanks for making time.
I wanted to check in because I feel like we've been approaching the proposal from different angles and I'd love to understand your thinking better so we can find common ground.
Yeah, I've sensed that too.
I appreciate you bringing it up.
To start, can I ask you what outcomes matter most to you with this proposal?
Honestly, I want to make sure the client feels confident in our approach.
They've been risk sensitive in the past, and I don't want to jeopardize their trust.
Yeah, that makes sense.
What does success look like from your perspective?
Well, if they sign off quickly and feel like we've covered all the bases, that's a win to me.
It might not be flashy, but it keeps the relationship stable.
Thanks.
Yeah, that's really helpful to hear.
Can you help me understand your perspective on why The more conservative strategy is the better route here?
Sure.
I've seen them hesitate or backtrack when we've pitched more innovative ideas in the past.
My thought process is that by sticking to familiar territory, we minimize the risk of rejection.
Yeah, that's really valuable insight.
I really appreciate you walking me through your perspective.
Let's come up with a plan to incorporate your ideas with what we're doing now.
Awesome.
I really love this.
Beautiful interaction.
And if we look through this, you see everything from this real framework, right?
We can go through, you see the questions being asked.
Instead of just telling me to get in line, You're really trying to discover what's motivating me, why I feel my approach is important.
Right.
I think after this conversation, I would feel like my input is valued and that it's worth sharing in the future.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So should we talk about some of the strategies used or the things we covered?
On the defensive or make them feel criticized.
This is such an open way to show that you're actually trying to understand where they're coming from.
Right, you're not being... You're not attacking.
You're actually looking to take information in.
So, And then yeah, I said can i ask you what outcomes matter most to you with this proposal?
Right so, seeing where you're coming from exactly, you're really trying to understand why i'm, you know, having the ideas i'm having.
What's the big picture here?
And then you said what does success look like from your perspective?
So these are just very open, non-judgmental ways to ask for more details into their why.
Why do they feel this idea is so important?
Right, exactly.
Yeah.
And so then again I said can you help me understand your perspective on why the more conservative strategy is better?
Yeah, and it's interesting this conversation, how it went, because you find that the employee here has valid points, has valid ideas.
They've done their research.
They're not sort of just throwing out an idea online. on a whim.
And so, because this leader took the time to really discover the reason behind it, they potentially could have avoided some big problems.
Yeah, exactly.
This person feels valued now.
They're able to really go into it.
And the leader probably learned a lot as well.
Yeah.
And they were likely able to come up with a compromise.
And they said you know, let's incorporate these ideas with what we're doing now and potentially would come up with a lot better outcome as a compromise.
Definitely.
Yeah.
So wow Aubrey, thank you so much for teaching us about this, this real framework, because I think you know we all need to be aware of compromise in real life, outside of work and in the office.
And so this is really important.
So, I mean, anything you think we should leave our listeners with today?
Yeah, I think that's it really, right?
Finding common ground with the people you work with is so vital.
You don't want to have bad feelings, hurt feelings at work.
You want to have peace and be able to compromise, to build the connection with coworkers and also be more productive and successful.
Yeah, love it.
All right, Aubrey.
Well, thanks so much, guys.
Thank you so much for listening.
And I wish you a day full of compromise and happiness.
Yes, me too.
Awesome.
Thanks, Michelle.
I'll see you next time.
All right.
Bye, Aubrey.
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