This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 461 New at Work How to Find Common Ground with Coworkers.
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This is real business english, with your favorite american hosts, lindsay and aubrey, coming to you from arizona and colorado, usa.
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Hey, Aubrey.
How are you today?
How's everything?
I'm great.
How are you, Lindsay?
Good.
Glad to be here chatting with you on the mic.
I have a question, though.
You ready?
Yeah.
All right.
So is it easy for you to find common ground with coworkers and colleagues at work?
This is an interesting question.
I feel like this is easier for me in person, like at a happy hour to you know chat, have small talk and then be able to get deeper with online.
You know, it can be more difficult.
You have to create those opportunities to build connections.
Yes.
Yeah, it feels like there's fewer topics kind of bubbling up and available.
Right.
Because it's just it's a it's not a 3D version of the person in front of you.
Interesting.
Right.
When we're working online and a lot of you out there are working from home.
So often you have to be more proactive to find common ground.
Or maybe you're living in a new country.
Most of your coworkers are from there.
They know each other.
They're all close.
You would also have to be pretty proactive about finding common ground with them.
Absolutely.
And this exact question came up now from an open conversation club recently in the last month or so.
These days we do a hot seat feature option in our open conversation club where One or two students are randomly selected to come and speak with Aubrey or with me in the hot seat during Open Conversation Club.
And this is one of the topics that a student brought up to me, and I have a feeling a lot of our listeners might struggle with this too finding common ground at work.
Absolutely.
I think we're all often in that boat.
You need strategies, right?
You can't just be thrown in with someone and know exactly what to say, especially if you're introverted or shy at all right.
So I'm excited.
We've got some really great advice and strategies for you today.
Yes.
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All right.
Awesome.
So today we're first going to cover coming up with common ground ideas.
What are the types of things that you might find common ground with coworkers about?
And then we're going to provide a really exciting framework for this.
Nice.
We love frameworks over here at All Ears English and Business English.
So looking forward to see what that looks like.
And then we'll talk about bringing up the topic or asking questions about common ground topics, right?
Yes.
We want to give you the questions you could ask to find that common ground, right?
How can you start that conversation?
All right.
So let's get into it.
First, we need ideas.
And in a sense you kind of need to be.
I kind of believe you sort of have to be out in the world consuming things or doing things.
That makes it easier.
Absolutely, right?
Because you want to find common interests or hobbies, right?
You might have something in common regarding the family or life stage you're in.
If you have children or pets, right?
You'll likely be able to find something in common.
Oh, it's so true.
Daily routines or habits, right?
I was having dinner last night with a couple that's probably about 10 years older than me.
And my partner and I were having dinner and it was like a long family style dinner at a farm.
It was kind of cool.
Amazing.
And the reason I was able to get things started in the conversation with her is that I know she's an animal lover.
So she runs a rescue, an animal rescue.
And so she started talking about cats and I just knew we could start there, because we have a dog and there's going to be a lot of good chemistry there.
And then we jumped into lots of really fascinating conversation topics.
You just need one, right?
Exactly.
That's a perfect example, right?
You found common ground that you both have pets, love pets.
But also I love on Allers English and here we cover so often the things you can connect about daily routines or habits, even just like how you take your coffee right.
How you get to work in the morning or what's the first thing you do in the morning?
We often talk about these kinds of things that are great conversation starters.
Yeah, sometimes it's just looking a little below the surface to these little details that we think don't really matter, but we actually do kind of build an identity based on them, like how you take your coffee.
People really identify with the way they take their coffee sometimes.
Absolutely, right?
And if you can find some common ground there, what an easy thing to talk about.
Yeah, for sure.
What else, Aubrey?
Also, current events, pop culture, TV shows you're watching, podcasts you're listening to, right?
The type of media you're taking in is often a great way to find common ground.
Of course, shared travel, places you've lived.
You can kind of feel things out and see if you have any common destinations.
You've been to shared goals or projects you're working on, maybe at work or in your broader industry career path similarities.
Where are you going with your career?
What did you study?
That kind of thing.
Right, exactly.
There are so many ways, different buckets of things that you can find common ground.
So maybe you find you have nothing in common with someone in one of these areas.
You just don't share the same hobbies.
Look how many other things you might have in common.
Yes, it's amazing.
So we know how important this is and we have a sense of the topics.
But Aubrey, let's hear about this framework that we could maybe go to as a resource when we're in the moment and we're a little stressed out.
We're not sure what to say.
Yes, I love this.
So the acronym is CARE.
This is a framework for finding common ground with someone, because there's a lot you need to do in order to find out enough about someone to know what you have in common.
So this stands for CONNECT. active listening, relate, and establish trust.
So let's go through each of these.
I love the word care for a framework for finding common ground.
It's perfect.
It's perfect.
So the first one then is the C. Aubrey, tell us about connect.
Yeah.
So this is all about initiating conversations and being approachable, right?
We're all about connecting here at All Ears English.
And sometimes you have to do it very proactively.
You might have co-workers that are a little more introverted.
Unless you initiate those conversations, you might not ever have a chance to chat with them.
Yes, totally.
So it's about small talk, right?
It is okay to start light, even if you're someone that hates uh small talk.
Uh, gets bored you frankly, you have to start light.
There's just no other way.
You know exactly right.
It needs to be casual at first, non-controversial topics, weekend plans, hobbies.
Maybe you know recent events, even the weather, just to ease into that deeper interaction.
And if you're able to get deeper right away, more power to you.
But you do have to start with small talk, Yeah.
And I want to make a point here with the small talk with the connect.
Sometimes it's not about what you learn in that conversation.
It's about what you've heard around the office earlier, maybe the week before, like at the farm example last night.
I didn't learn in that moment, when we were sitting across the table, from this couple that she was an animal lover, that she ran an animal rescue.
I had heard her say that when we were sitting around kind of like just like you know, mingling sort of.
People were just sitting.
I just was listening.
And then as we sat down, I said, Oh, did you say you own a rescue?
Are you, you know, is that what you do for your profession?
So it doesn't, we don't want to put too much pressure on the individual situations.
We want to build the profile over time.
That's a really good point that there are like pre steps before this, even like there is a lot that can be done to connect with someone before you even have a chance to talk to them.
Anything anyone else at the office mentions about them, then you can remember that to spark a conversation with them.
Or maybe you overhear a conversation.
Hopefully it's not a conversation you're not supposed to overhear in the break room.
You've heard things.
It's like a 360 perspective we're taking here on this connection we want to eventually build.
Exactly.
And another part of this with connecting is just to be open, to be accessible.
You want to maintain a welcoming demeanor, right?
We can be kind of closed off at work, to either focused in on what we're doing or serious all the time, which would make it more difficult to be receptive to conversations, than people might not feel like we're open to having those conversations.
So you want to always maintain this sort of comfortable environment where someone could initiate a conversation with you.
Yeah.
So it's kind of that open body language, right, that we talk about.
So it's in our tone of voice.
It's in... frankly, smiling a lot.
How friendly we are.
Yeah.
Do we walk around with a smile or a small smile or do we kind of scowl and look at the ground?
That could make a difference too, right?
Absolutely.
Okay.
All right.
So let's move on to A, active listening.
So this is all about empathy and like really caring.
You want to give people undivided attention.
Focus fully on what they're saying and This is about verbal and nonverbal cues right?
If you're glancing at your phone, even if you feel like you're giving them full attention, that's really sending a message that you're not interested in what they're saying.
100%.
Yeah, people have a real radar for that, right?
Nowadays, we know when someone is also on their phone and we don't like it, right?
And this happens a lot.
You might even do it without realizing it if you just have a habit of glancing down at your phone a lot.
So you're going to have to be really... proactive about paying attention.
You're starting this conversation.
You want to really give them your full attention.
Yep.
And then asking open-ended questions.
This is huge.
And we've done a lot of episodes on this.
We could do more episodes on this here on Business English or on our other podcast, All Ears English, Aubrey.
What does this mean?
Yeah, right.
So you want to go beyond asking them things where they could just answer yes or no.
You want to invite deeper explanations, deeper conversations.
You do want to get beyond small talk quickly.
And it really is difficult for someone to get deeper if you're answering them simple, basic questions that they could just say yes or no to.
Yeah.
I mean, I also think it's a mutual effort to build this connection, right?
If someone is answering yes or no, they may just not be interested in talking with you, but it is good to ask those open-ended questions.
100%.
Absolutely.
Yes.
And then our third step here, the R of care is relate.
And so this is about exploring those common interests and shared values.
You want to ask about their hobbies and passions.
Find out what interests they have outside of work, maybe what music they listen to where they have traveled, because you will quickly find a common interest.
I like this.
I like this.
And identifying shared values.
Right.
So looking for opportunities as you go a little deeper, maybe to see if there are any personal values you have in common, maybe honesty, hard work, community involvement and giving your time to your community, finding areas to agree on.
Then you can go even further with that connection.
Exactly.
I love that.
You might not have similar interests in music or hobbies or travel, but you will likely find a value that you share.
Maybe you both care a lot about recycling.
Maybe it's something very specific or the environment in general.
And that would be an amazing common interest to discuss.
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
Yeah.
What else, Aubrey?
Is there another one?
Yeah, I think to share personal stories when it's appropriate, right?
To be asking about them, but also being willing to share about yourself, even at work.
We often do get personal, right?
We share relevant experiences and it builds trust and shows our own humanity, right?
We're able to share weakness and our faults when we tell especially if it's like a funny story that maybe shows a place where we weren't perfect.
Yeah.
It's kind of interesting in that first conversation with someone or first getting to know, when you take kind of a little mini risk of telling a story.
It's a little bit of a risk right.
And actually that would be an episode idea Aubrey, of what we might start to tell that like let me tell you a story or the phrases we could use for that scenario to bridge into a story.
That's a great idea.
Right.
And then it's often, especially at first, a very brief story and then you're going to turn over them, ask if something similar has happened right.
Especially if you're just meeting for the first time.
But yeah, there are these quick little funny anecdotes and stories that will help really build your connection pretty quickly.
100%.
And then of course, the last piece of the framework is establish trust.
How can we do this?
What does this mean in the moment, Aubrey?
Yeah.
So first it's about being consistent and reliable, remembering details that someone shows and then bringing them up to show that you were listening, following up.
If you make any kind of commitment or plans with them.
You want to show that you're dependable and to build a foundation of trust from when you first meet colleagues.
Yes, I love it.
And then looking for ways you could collaborate.
So maybe eventually the conversation bridges into work and it hadn't been there.
It started personally and then it bridges into work.
That could happen too.
Then you're getting to know what they're doing.
You're offering help, maybe sharing knowledge, resources, ideas.
I like that idea.
Yeah, absolutely.
And sometimes this happens that we don't have a lot of shared common interests outside of work.
But we will find things at work right.
Shared projects, a shared type of work, value at work, shared background, shared career path.
And that also can be a way to build a connection to build on a common interest.
Yes, 100%.
I love it.
So what else do we have here, Aubrey?
Let's take a quick break.
And then we will come back with a few more tips towards the end of the episode.
Yeah?
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Okay.
So what else do we need to know here, Aubrey?
We've got our framework.
We've gotten a lot of good stuff here today.
Yes.
We want to share some questions you can ask.
So for this first part of our framework, that connect part, right?
We're going to give you some sentences.
So of course, you're going to start with small talk.
What are a couple of sentences you could have to start this conversation?
Yeah, again, these are very lightweight, very nice and easy breezy.
Okay, so got any fun plans for the weekend?
Right?
This is not formal.
It's casual, very casual.
Or have you tried any new places to eat around here?
Easy way to start small talk.
And then you are going to quickly be able to get deeper to find some common interests.
You could ask about hobbies and just say any hobbies you're into these days.
Yeah.
Or what's something you've gotten really into lately?
Yes, and these are not yes or no questions, right?
These are open questions where they can share whatever it is they've become interested in.
Yeah, perfect.
And next we have questions that show you're open and invite deeper connections.
So that's really interesting.
We need to signal during the conversation that we're open to keeping going with the connection and even go deeper.
How do we do that?
We're showing them we're not only interested in small talk with you.
We really want to get to know you.
So, for example, you might say, I've been trying to get to know people better around here.
Mind if I ask about your role a bit?
And then you're just opening that.
If they're super busy, maybe they'd let you.
But most likely they're going to say, sure, love to talk to you.
And I like that one because it's just so humble and honest and straightforward, right?
I just like the idea of like, this is what I'm trying to do.
Can you help me?
Yes, I love that too.
It feels very honest, right?
We're not trying to hide that.
We're just trying to get to know people at work better.
So why not name it?
Exactly.
Here's another one.
I always find it interesting how people end up in their careers.
How did you get started in yours?
Excellent.
Love it.
I love this, right?
If someone asks me that, I'm like, oh, they're genuinely interested.
And also, that's a very normal thing to be interested in.
So what a great way to start a conversation that's going to quickly get deeper.
Yeah.
And then there are other follow up questions that'll get you beyond the small talk.
Like, how'd you get into that?
So that's always a way to go one level deeper.
They say they play football, flag football on the weekends.
Oh, how'd you get into that?
Did you start in college or something?
Yeah, exactly.
Or what do you enjoy most about it?
How long have you been doing that?
Or have you always been interested in it?
All of these will give them a chance to go deeper, to share more details about their past or what they're interested in.
Yeah, great topic today, Aubrey.
What's our takeaway?
We have to hop off the mic because we're running out of time for today, but what's our takeaway for our listeners?
Yeah, you should definitely be initiating conversations to find common ground.
You don't want to stick to just small talk, right?
Once you get to know co-workers and colleagues, definitely get deeper.
Be curious, be genuine.
I mean, that's the thing.
It's the whole, I need to be interested to be interesting.
Absolutely.
We need to genuinely want to know what they're going to say.
Right.
Ask the questions because you're curious about the person.
Listen actively.
Try to get to know them and figure out what you have in common.
And then next time you see them, you build off of that.
Exactly.
I love this topic.
It's so important to build these relationships at work, but they don't just come out of nowhere, right.
And often the onus is on us to know how to start the conversation, to know how to get deeper.
So today's strategies are really going to help with this.
All right.
Great stuff today, Aubrey.
You have a good rest of your day.
I'll talk to you soon.
Awesome.
Thanks, Lindsay.
Bye.
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