This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 3, How to Make a Friend at Work in the United States.
Welcome to the Business English podcast from All Ears English.
Get the English skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business.
For a presentation, a meeting, or your office party, this is Real Business English with your favorite American hosts, Lindsay and Michelle, coming to you from New York City and Colorado, USA.
Still translating in your head when you speak English?
It's time to change that. The Connected Communicator course from All Ears English helps you train your ear, speak naturally, and finally connect with real people.
In our tailored study plan, you'll hear unscripted interviews from tattoo artists to entrepreneurs from all across America. and you'll use new AI tools to practice speaking anytime you want.
No more stiff, scripted English. Build confidence, fluency, and cultural insight all in one course.
Plus, get real-life speaking experience at our Open Conversation Club every single week and build community with Allers English teachers and students.
Go to allersenglish.com slash connection to save $50 this week only.
Offer ends August 10th. allearsenglish.com slash connection Hey, Michelle.
Welcome to episode 400. How are you feeling today?
I am good. How exciting. How are you? I love it.
All Ears English has hit another milestone, and we want to say thank you to our listeners because we couldn't do it without you guys.
You guys are downloading All Ears English like crazy.
We're getting awesome comments and emails from you guys, and we do this for you guys because we want you to be able to connect.
So we want to say thank you to you guys on this episode 400.
Michelle, any thoughts? Thank you so much to everyone.
This is just great. I'm so happy to be here.
And yeah, Lindsay, yes, we're doing it. We're doing it.
We're doing it. And no signs of stopping.
We are going full speed ahead. So this is episode 400, guys.
We want to start with a quick thing to think about, and then we'll move into our topic today.
So here's a quote for you guys. Michelle, could you read the quote?
Yes, I can. The quote is, I love it. And I think that's what we stand for here at All Ears English, right?
So our slogan, our motto, our belief is connection, not perfection.
And if you listen to the show, you probably believe the same thing.
And this quote really is saying the same thing.
So when you make a mistake in life... Or when you speak English, make it part of the conversation.
You can laugh. You can use it as a moment to connect and show vulnerability and just focus on the connection between yourself and the other person.
Don't focus on perfection. Yeah. People actually like it, you know, sometimes when they hear people make tiny little mistakes because it shows they're human, right?
Shows they're human. Yeah. Like I know just briefly last episode, I think it was last episode, I kind of got tongue tied and I was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
And I kind of lost it for a second. And, but I mean, that's just because I'm human, right?
I can't be perfect. And it's, you know, we just kept on going.
You got it, you got it. And we really don't go back and edit these episodes.
We edit them for quality, guys, but we don't edit out mistakes.
Even if we make a grammar mistake, we don't edit it out.
And there's a reason for that. That's because we truly believe it's about connection, not perfection.
This podcast and communicating in general, guys, so we want you to follow our lead and make this part of your life, connection, not perfection.
So remember this quote when you go out there and try to connect with people.
All right, Michelle. So what are we talking about today now that we're on the right side of 400?
Yes. Well, today we are talking about this really cool article that you brought in, Lindsay.
Can you tell us about it? I know. Well, it's really interesting.
So the title of this article from the New York Times is, you know, why do Americans, you know, I don't know.
What is the title, Michelle? Okay. Connection, not perfection.
No, I got it. I got it. The title is Friends at Work, Not So Much.
What does it mean when we say not so much, Michelle?
It means like not really or no. Not really or no.
We've talked about that phrase before, right?
Not so much. So this article is about, you know...
Do Americans make friends at work and do they do it less than other countries?
And why is that true? So I saw an interesting statistic in this article today, guys, and it said in 1985, 50 percent of Americans had close friends at work.
But that number dropped down to 30 percent by 2004.
I mean, what does that tell you, Michelle?
Oh, wow. I mean, it used to be that your office was like your second family, right?
Yeah. And it seems that things are changing.
Yeah, it seems that things are changing.
So now I would describe the vibe in many workspaces.
What does that mean, vibe? Kind of the atmosphere and how people are interacting, I guess.
Yeah, exactly. The atmosphere, the feeling in the workspace is usually polite but kind of impersonal.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Of course, you said, Michelle, when we were talking about this before, that it really depends on your field.
Right. Right. That's true. I mean, because I used to work in an office and I was with the same people every day.
I mean, Monday through Friday, eight hours a day or whatever it was.
And we went to meetings together. We had conference calls together.
We went to lunch together. So it was really like I was with them all the time.
And so we got really close. And as my jobs now are very different, I'm in many different places.
And sometimes in some schools, I got to really know my coworkers and it's wonderful.
And I do get to know people, but not... course, it's a little bit different than if I were with them for eight hours a day every day, right?
So it's a little bit different. I get to know some really wonderful people and I do get some good interactions, especially in certain places, but it's still not the same thing, right?
Yeah. Yeah, no, and I think this is really important for our listeners.
If our listeners are planning to come to the U.S. on a work assignment, which is super common, or if you're just coming on a short business trip, you want to have a sense of the workspace that you're in.
So, you know, we're going to talk about what it's like on a very general level in American culture, but it always also depends on your company, right?
I know some companies like Google or Yahoo, they do specific things to try to get people to know each other better.
They might host a happy hour, right? Or encourage a sports team or something like that.
So just take this for what it is. But this is interesting.
So, Michelle, what do you think is the reason for this?
Why have we become, since 1985, why have Americans become kind of impersonal at work?
Well, I mean... Yeah. And now it's very different.
People go to different places. They might have multiple jobs like myself or have different schools or lots of different jobs or for different amount of times.
And people may not be developing those kinds of connections anymore.
Yeah. Yeah, I think that's true. Very short term work situations happening.
I'm working in a co-working space now, which is just filled with entrepreneurs and freelancers and freelancers just hop from one job to the next.
There's no permanent group of co-workers.
Right. So. Right. And another thing is the flex time or the virtual work.
Right. Everyone's working from home. So it's very hard to build those relationships when we're at home and we're emailing each other.
Right. Right. And luckily for me at some of the schools, it's really nice because the teachers really do want to work together and really get to know each other.
But like I said, so much is different from how it used to be when I was with the same people eight hours a day.
Yeah, that's true. That's true. And another thing that the article brought up as a reason, as a potential reason, is this fact that, well, if we can be on social media any hour of the day connected to our friends on Facebook, why should we bother to make new connections?
Right. And that's kind of scary if you think about it.
Yeah, that is scary. I don't like it. That's sad.
Yeah, it's a little bit depressing. I mean, to be on Facebook at work when I have a chance to get to know my coworker sitting next to me, but instead I'll sit and message my Facebook friends and live virtually through those virtual relationships.
Right, right. That's so true. So that I can see that that would be another thing that would kind of bring bring down the number of close friends at work.
Abercrombie's viral denim sale is back and Spotify listeners get an extra 15% off with code Spotify AF.
Abercrombie is known for their denim. With 30-50% off all jeans, find out how denim should feel.
Shop the viral denim sale in the Abercrombie app, online or in stores.
Valid in stores and online through August 11, 2025 in US and Canada.
Excludes clearance, price reflects discount.
Code valid in US and Canada through August 11, 2025.
Exclusions apply. See details online. Yeah.
And then the other thing is kind of related to our history, right?
It's this original kind of Protestant work ethic.
Yeah. Do you have any, I mean, this idea that, you know, being social was considered kind of inappropriate or inefficient.
So it's kind of in throughout history in the US, it's been kind of a moral, a bit of a moral value, right?
Are you goofing off? That's where the phrase came from.
Goofing off means not doing your work, right?
Not putting in your time. Yeah. Right. Right.
Definitely. I mean, yeah, that's why I had I had some fun in one of my in one of my office jobs because it was in radio and we were kind of kind of our job was to, you know, like be funny.
And we did a lot of writing and we were trying to be creative and funny.
So I liked that creative atmosphere. So while in some places it might have been goofing off for us, it was actually doing our work.
That's great. That's a dream job, Michelle.
Why did you leave? Yeah, that was fun. That was definitely a really good thing.
Well, we're thankful that you're able to bring a little bit of that radio voice into All Ears English.
We're happy to have you here. Now you get to goof off with me here.
So, I mean, Michelle, what does this mean?
I mean, this is all well and good, as we say.
It's all well and good, right? That's a good expression.
Mm-hmm. to know this, but what does it mean for our listeners who may be coming to the U.S. to work in a business in the corporate space or work at an investment bank in New York?
I mean, what should our listeners know? What's the takeaway today?
Well, I think that there are a bunch of them.
But, you know, you should really kind of know the boundaries of the workplace, right?
Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, one thing that you were talking about, Lindsay, is to avoid asking people about their relationship or their marriage status.
Oh, my gosh. This is huge. I mean, there have been so many times when I've gone abroad to different countries where this is not a norm.
It's not a value. It's not part of the culture.
And they'll just ask me, so are you married?
Right. And that was either in a work situation or in a social situation, even in a loose social situation where you don't know people that well.
It's rude to come out and just ask that directly.
Don't you agree, Michelle? Right. Yeah, I agree.
It can make people uncomfortable. Oh, I didn't hear you.
Do you want to say that one more time? Yeah, sure.
I said it can make people a little uncomfortable.
Yeah, absolutely. I think you cut out there for a second, but it can make people feel uncomfortable.
So understand the boundaries at work. Don't ask people about their relationship or their marriage status when you, you know, until you maybe they volunteer that information when you get to know them a little bit.
Right. Right. Right. Exactly. Like people will probably throw in somewhere.
Oh, yeah, my husband or my girlfriend or my boyfriend.
You know, you tend to pick up on those things naturally, but don't probably don't straight out ask them.
Definitely. And ask people what you can call them.
Right. Don't just assume it's a first name.
Don't assume it's a title like Dr. Brown or Mr. Smith.
Right. Just ask them, what can I call you?
You know, I think that's you know, that's that's important, too.
Right, right. Definitely. That'll be helpful.
And another thing is that, you know, so much is done online lately.
And I mean, I think that we can, we should really make an effort to have in-person meetings when we can.
What do you think, Lindsay? Yeah, I think the first piece is what we've just said, like understanding that this is a boundary in the U.S.
There's a very clear boundary and you shouldn't cross it.
You shouldn't become too personal. But at the same time, maybe playing around with it and making a little bit of an effort, you know, going halfway to get to know your colleagues.
And part of that would be if you're working online, emailing back and forth, why don't you say, hey, guys, let's have one meeting a month at a cafe instead of emailing from home.
Suggest that. Right. Yeah. There's nothing like that real in-person meeting.
Yeah. I mean, I love meeting with my colleagues in person, right?
I mean, we got to meet in New York when we did our photo shoot and that was fun, Michelle.
Yeah. And I think that that made a big difference, you know?
I mean, to actually really see someone in the flesh, right?
You do exist, Lindsay. I do really exist.
I'm a person. You are too. And that's wonderful.
Yeah. And then kind of to the same end, right?
Of pushing the boundaries, try opening up a little bit, right?
At work and try to start to build that relationship, but don't go too far.
Start small by saying, oh, if someone asks you, how was your weekend?
Often people will ask you that and they may not expect much of a response, right?
Because that goes back to the impersonal nature.
Maybe volunteer something extra and see if they ask you a follow-up question because we're still humans, right?
We still want connection, right? Right.
Definitely. So kind of, you know, give them little bits and pieces of, you know, something personal about yourself and that they might kind of say, oh, hey, wait, I also like that musician or something like that.
That's it. I like it. So the first step is to understand that it might be a little bit different from your home country.
But then, you know, try to see if you can kind of in a in a indirect way, start to build the in a kind of one baby step way, build those relationships if you can.
So you don't feel lonely at work. We don't want our No, don't be lonely.
That's it. That's it. Well, Michelle, this has been an interesting topic.
So again, guys, the article is called Friends at Work and that's in the New York Times from September 4th, 2015 by Adam Grant.
So if you want to actually read the article yourself, it would be really good practice.
Go to the New York Times and type in the title.
And come back to our blog and type in episode 400.
If you come back to allthearsenglish.com and leave us your opinion.
Tell us about your country. Do you think that the atmosphere is more personal?
Does it depend on your field? I'm sure it does.
But give us some details. Tell us about your culture.
Okay, awesome. Well, thanks for bringing this in, Lindsay.
I love it. Excellent. It's a great topic.
I think it's super relevant. So we hope to get some comments from you guys.
We'll see you on the blog. Yes. And happy 400.
Happy 400. Can we get 400 candles on a cake for a birthday cake?
401 for good luck. All right. All right.
That sounds good. I'll see you next time, Michelle.
Take care. See you, Lindsay. Bye. Bye-bye.
Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.
Want more from All Ears English? Don't miss our biggest and best podcast with 8 million monthly downloads.
Just search for the All Ears English podcast and hit follow to get four new episodes per week on fluency, American culture, grammar, and so much more.
Or tap the link in the show notes. Remember, we believe in connection, not perfection when it comes to learning English.
Follow the All Ears English podcast now.
