This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 160.
Should you flirt with business clients? Welcome to the Business English podcast from All Ears English.
Get the English skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business.
For a presentation, a meeting, or your office party, this is Real Business English with your favorite American hosts, Lindsay and Michelle, coming to you from New York City and Colorado, USA.
Still translating in your head when you speak English?
It's time to change that. The Connected Communicator course from All Ears English helps you train your ear, speak naturally, and finally connect with real people.
In our tailored study plan, you'll hear unscripted interviews from tattoo artists to entrepreneurs from all across America. and you'll use new AI tools to practice speaking anytime you want.
No more stiff, scripted English. Build confidence, fluency, and cultural insight all in one course.
Plus, get real-life speaking experience at our Open Conversation Club every single week and build community with Allers English teachers and students.
Go to allersenglish.com slash connection to save $50 this week only.
Offer ends August 10th. allearsenglish.com slash connection. hey aubrey what are we getting into today on business english i'm excited for today i am too and i am dying to hear your thoughts we got a really interesting question you guys which is a little different from anything we've talked about here and is very cultural so we can definitely share our ideas but i would love to hear what you guys think what this is like in your culture because sometimes with questions like this there's no right answer oh my gosh now our listeners are excited to know what the heck we're even talking about i think we've built the intrigue here so should we just dive right into it and get our listeners question read the question from our list you want me to read the question yeah go for it for a change so this is from caroline on instagram she dm'd us and said dear girls i'm your big fan from china and i listen to your podcast every morning love your style and useful english skills I love that.
Thank you, Caroline. Thank you. Thank you.
Please share All Ears English with your friends.
Yes, absolutely. And then she said, I have a question that's bothering me recently.
Since I am doing foreign trade business now, sometimes my client will be flirting with me, but not so interested about our goods or products for my company.
And I'm actually worrying that I may lose a client if I don't flirt back.
Deep down in my heart, I don't want to talk to this kind of client anymore, but business is business.
Can you help me figure out a solution about how to deal with flirting clients?
That would be very appreciated. Love you girls.
Sincerely, Caroline. Wow. Big question. Big topic, Aubrey.
I hope we can do it justice here today. This is a big one.
It's true. It is big. And I want to first say, I think the real key in what she was saying is, is everything she said about like deep down, I am not comfortable with it is what it sounded like to me, right?
She's worried about it. She doesn't want to have these kinds of interactions, but she feels like if she doesn't, she might lose the client.
And that I feel like there are going to be so many different scenarios.
So if you listening, There's some kind of scenario, but that's not the case.
You don't have the discomfort. That's a totally different ballgame.
Right, Lindsay? Right. Because it becomes kind of a power issue, which gets into dangerous territory.
Right. Which gets into sexual harassment and things that are big red flags. and exactly we want to make sure we get out of those situations so i think it depends on power if you feel that you're in the power position and you just want to have fun back and forth maybe it's your personality some people are naturally just flirty as part of their personality and they know the other person is you feel you're in that power position that's fine but i feel like this is a little bit more in the other direction Right, exactly.
That's kind of the point I want to make is just right off the bat, this is going to be different for every person in every culture, depending on your personality, depending on the culture at your work, right?
That's going to change. So our ideas here and what we share might be a little different.
You might, you know, have a little pushback or think, okay, that wouldn't work at my job or that wouldn't work for me personally.
We get it. It's going to be different for everyone. oh my gosh for sure so much of this depends on culture personality work environment it's a big topic so it is and i feel like no contract or paycheck is worth putting yourself in a situation where you feel uncomfortable like you said lindsay it's a lot about the power dynamics at work but also you want to feel comfortable at work you want to feel respected you don't want to have those feelings of like, am I compromising my standards?
So if it feels uncomfortable to you, you definitely should take that into account.
Yeah, for sure. And do something about it, right?
Make a change. Maybe we'll get into some recommendations of if this is really not good for this listener, if she decides it's not where she wants to be, maybe there's a way to reassign this client to someone else potentially.
But first, before we get into all the details here, Aubrey, let's Let's ask our listeners to hit follow.
Guys, hit that follow button right now. We get into tons of interesting things from grammar in the workplace to things like this, flirting with a client, right?
How do we deal with this? Should we do this?
Should we not? What does it mean? Culture, vocabulary, connection.
That's what we do here. Absolutely, right?
So hit follow so you never miss an episode.
We have three new episodes every week. So make sure to hit follow so they just drop right into your queue.
Yeah. So did we consult any articles just to get our kind of start thinking about this?
See what's been written out there? Where do we go?
Yeah, I did some Googling, right? Because I know my own personal view on this.
And I've actually been watching The Morning Show.
And I don't know if you ever saw that, Lindsay.
The Morning Show? With who? It's with Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon.
A lot of big names. Steve Carell's in it.
It's kind of based on, loosely, it's sort of historical fiction about a major broadcasting network and a news anchor who was accused of sexual misconduct and fired because of it.
A lot of women came out and accused him of sexual misconduct.
And so it's fascinating kind of diving into all of the repercussions of something like that.
So if you haven't seen that show, I highly recommend it.
It's on Apple TV. But I also was trying to do some research to find out what sort of the general consensus, what do people feel?
And granted, most of what I found was about the culture in the US, business world in the US.
And that's the first thing to acknowledge is in every country, this is going to be different. oh for sure so i think you know before we get into this we can make some recommendations for some background research to start doing right like for example i think the the biggest story that broke a renewed awakening at least in our culture towards sexual harassment in the workplace is the weinstein story harvey weinstein right and what was the name of that movie so he just came out with a movie i can't believe i don't know the name of the movie But there is a movie.
She Said is the name of the movie. It's a fantastic movie.
She Said, okay. With Charlize Theron, right?
Yes, it's fantastic. So I'd recommend that all our listeners, after they finish today, do a little background research.
Go watch that movie. It's fantastic and gives you some background on what we're talking about today.
We all know what we're talking about today. right right and that's what's interesting is i feel like the conversation would have been different a few decades ago with the me too movement and with people becoming more vocal about these power dynamics and work and what makes them uncomfortable yes it's a different conversation now it's a totally different conversation and so since the weinstein story broke and since he was taken to court by like dozens of hollywood actresses many other stories have broken right and we don't need to name names but there's tons of them there are tv anchors news anchors um executives that use their power um again that power dynamic came in and it's wow this this is the moment so the point is we're in a moment where it's acceptable at least in american culture to talk about this to if something is happening you don't feel comfortable to bring it up Exactly.
Right. We don't, no one has to stay silent anymore.
If you feel like there is misconduct, you feel uncomfortable, you need to let someone know.
So we're going to go into some really clear tips because one thing Caroline asked was, she said, you know, how do you deal with flirting clients?
And this might be clients is tricky. You don't want to lose that, um, The relationship, you don't want to lose that contract maybe.
So this, you know, we're talking about the power dynamic, maybe superiors, people you're working with is also related, but also clients.
I understand why Caroline's like, this gets a little tricky because what if I feel like I'm directly responsible for losing the sale?
Oh my gosh. Because I'm not willing to flirt, right?
Yeah. Yeah, it's not clear cut, right? We don't want to make it sound like, oh, it's obvious what you should do because it's not, right?
It's not. It's not easy. So I found this great article by Michelle McGovern from March 2018, where she said what to do when a customer hits on you.
And it is interesting to think about that.
This was pre some of these big developments, but it is a little more specific to clients.
And I really love some of the advice she's shared.
So we're going to share some of the tips I saw there, but also some tips that we have with our, you know, we're thinking about how would this be for us?
What would we do if we had a client that was flirting?
What would we do? yeah i love it so let's get started with the first one what would be the first tip then aubrey yeah so our first tip is keep it professional like you said lindsay everyone's personality is different some people are naturally more flirty so for that person it might be a little harder to keep it professional and on dollars english podcast here on business english we're often talking about how to get deeper in relationships yeah we do asking about childhood and vacations getting a little more personal So this is where it becomes important to read a relationship to get an idea of what talking about your personal life might imply to someone.
And if there's any doubt, keep it professional.
Don't get personal, right? You can just talk about the weather or what are your weekend plans and not get quite so deep.
Right. That's a good point. And so that requires, you know, understanding what's coming back from the other person.
And then what are the signals that you need to pull back and become very much like become less personal about what you're sharing?
Like you said, default back to the weather or something a little more generic, neutral. absolutely right and the signals will be different for everyone like anything that makes you feel uncomfortable if it's a comment about your body if it's a comment about your personal life that just feels like it's questionable or over the line you will feel it you will feel it's like oh i don't like that i feel uncomfortable totally there are the obvious ones right like questions that i could see someone asking that are obvious like are you married like that's a question that should not be asked in the workplace right just as a blunt question Exactly, right?
It's anything like that where you're really starting to talk about our personal lives.
If you want to keep it all about work, then we just don't need to go there.
Yeah, there's no reason, right? It's different from a colleague, maybe someone of the same gender saying, oh, you know, you have a family.
That's different. It just depends on who it's coming from and what's the context of that conversation in which that question is dropped.
Right. I'll break. Exactly. Right. And this is a little more preventative.
You know, if you when you're wanting to build these relationships with clients, with coworkers, we want to be able to get deeper.
We don't want to have to have small talk all the time.
Most people will be professional and it will be great to be able to ask them about their families.
But you'll know as soon as you run into someone who is not, it will feel different.
It will feel different based on what they're saying or maybe what they're looking at.
There could be anything. The gaze. Yeah.
Yeah, totally. And then you'll know like, oop, we need to keep it really professional.
What's that expression, the spiny sense?
What is that expression that people say like the spiny sense went off, right?
People, especially women, we have this because we have had to have this over years of evolution to protect ourselves, frankly.
And so we probably have a higher spiny sense than men do, right?
We know when something is off, when someone is being kind of skeezy, right?
Kind of icky. Yes, we feel it right away.
Absolutely, right? And then we will, if you're wanting to avoid giving the wrong impression, then that's when we get really professional, right?
Everything I talk to you about will be really professional.
Right, right, right. Exactly. So what would be another tip?
I like that these are preventative. Maybe another day we do another episode if our listeners like this episode on reactive.
How do you, what do you do then when things are coming, the wrong things are coming to you?
What can you do? But today is preventative. right?
Yeah. Today is more preventative. Our final one is a little reactive, so we'll get there.
And we're also going to share with you guys phrases you can use to take this advice.
So starting with this next one, it's just be clear.
And so if a customer suggests meeting up and you're concerned they're interested in a personal relationship and you are not interested, you can tell them kindly that you have a personal policy to never date customers.
And what's a way that listeners could say that, Lindsay?
Yeah, you could say I'm sorry, but I have a strict personal rule to never date clients.
Right. And if you're armed with that phrase, then you don't need to hem and haw like, oh, yeah, maybe just us two could go out.
No, right. If you can feel like this is this is not like a team happy hour.
This is not right. Feels like someone's wanting a personal relationship.
This is a really great phrase to be clear that you don't date clients. right right or you could also bring it back to a cl you could say if they invite you to do something say something like oh yeah we'd love to have a client dinner i'll have my colleague join us you know something like that where you immediately signal you know if you do want to maintain that relationship but you want to make it clear this will not be a date right yeah that's a great idea too right that's that would be kind of the first thing where you could say like Oh, yeah, let's have our whole team could meet and then bring it back to a person is making it work.
Oh, no, I would prefer it just you and I'd love to get to know you.
That's when you might need to say, yeah, that's that's what I would.
That's what I would do first. I might signal.
Let's get every let's get the whole department involved.
Yeah, you know, let's get. Yes. Right. That's a really good point that there are levels, right?
Yeah. yes you want to build this relationship you want to have this client but that's a really great way to say like oh you know you and i went on what is not great so let's just offer to have the team come or other co-workers come and then depending on their reaction then you might need to use this phrase All right, cool.
Let's go on to the next one. Aubrey, what would be the next one here?
Okay, number three is don't accept gifts, right?
So if a client offers you a gift, this is a lot like what you were saying, Lindsay, the best thing you can do is say that you would be happy to share this with your colleagues, since helping them is a team effort, right?
You don't have to reject it. How could we say that, Lindsay?
100%, always coming back to the team. So I'll give this to the team for you.
This has definitely been a team effort and I think everyone will appreciate the gesture.
So there are three things you're saying in that sentence that brings it all back to your company, your team.
This is not about you and that client. right right and then heaven forbid the gift is very personal like jewelry or lingerie or something that's when you can use this other phrase and just say oh i'm sorry i have a strict personal rule to never date clients because some gifts are very much implying I want this relationship.
I want to date. And we need to be clear.
And that might just be an immediate signal to have the client reassigned, right?
Maybe if someone's giving you that kind of gift, there's no question here anymore about what you could do to redirect to the team.
And maybe the circumstance just needs to be changed, right?
Yeah, for sure. Abercrombie's Viral Denim Sale is back.
And Spotify listeners get an extra 15% off with code SPOTIFYAF.
Abercrombie is known for their denim. With 30-50% off all jeans, find out how denim should feel.
Shop the viral denim sale in the Abercrombie app, online or in stores.
Valid in stores and online through August 11, 2025 in US and Canada.
Excludes clearance, price reflects discount.
Code valid in US and Canada through August 11, 2025.
Exclusions apply. See details online. Okay, a couple more things that we can do, Aubrey, before we finish up today.
We're running out of time already. Next point is, yeah, we'll get through these quick.
Just to avoid sharing personal contact information, right?
Just give them your work number, your work email.
And what's a phrase that we can use if they ask for your personal contact information?
Okay, we could say, I'm sorry, but I don't share personal contact information with clients.
And again, what you're saying here is you're putting them back into the client category.
You're like correcting them. You're saying you're a client.
That immediately creates distance. Yep. You're sending a very clear but respectful message.
And then this last tip is like you were saying, Lindsay, this is no longer preventative, right?
If a customer is flirting with you, you should tell your supervisor, tell HR, like you said, Lindsay, so that a client can be reassigned.
And this way, if the situation escalates, your boss is in the loop and can intervene as needed.
Exactly. So what would we say then? You could say to your supervisor, I'm concerned about one of our clients and I'd like to discuss the issue with you.
This is definitely something that you would want to.
You're not wanting to talk about it in the middle, you know, in the break room like you would meet with them privately because you want to also respect your client's privacy. yeah and i think that you know we we may second guess ourselves at times if we if the spiny sense does go off we may overwrite that and say oh no no i'm sure it's a cultural thing i'm sure they're just being polite but what you can always do is ask a colleague if you're working in another culture let's say if you are from another country working in the us you can ask an american colleague hey like a friend at your level a woman maybe this is this person said this to me is this what is it what do you think about this just get it yeah right get some advice yeah if you're if you feel uncomfortable but you're not sure if the intent was the same on their part that's a really good idea we're going to do a spotify poll for this episode just to ask you guys right i would love to get some feedback from those of you in different businesses different countries and cultures do you think it's acceptable to flirt with clients Wow.
Interesting. This is really exciting. So, you know, guys over on Spotify, if you're listening to this episode on Spotify, you can just scroll down and answer that poll.
Simple yes or no. And we will share the results.
Like you said, Aubrey, in a future episode.
I'm excited to see because it's so wow. Big topic.
Absolutely, right? And like we said, not everyone's going to be on the same page.
So it's interesting. It's a sensitive topic.
It's different in some cultures. And I feel like for a lot of our tips, because they're preventative, you do need to decide in advance what you're comfortable with.
Right, Lindsay? Yeah, I think it comes down to valuing your own professionalism.
You have a lot to offer to your company.
You don't have to compromise, right? In any way, you should not have to.
So be your own support system, right? You need to be the one to take that first step and maybe go to a supervisor or go to a colleague and ask a question to see what's really going on.
But we don't have to put up with these things.
Exactly right. Today's phrases will help you be prepared with what to say so you can make your expectations clear, even if it means losing a client or at least transferring them to someone else at your company.
That might be the best option because you shouldn't feel uncomfortable at work.
Yeah. Interesting topic. Oh my gosh. I feel like we needed an hour today to go through this.
I know. We'll come back to it another day.
If you guys have follow-up questions, feel free to email them to aubrey at allearsenglish.com and we will do a follow-up episode.
Good stuff. Thanks, Aubrey. Awesome. Thanks for chatting, Lindsay.
Take care. Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.
Want more from All Ears English? Don't miss our biggest and best podcast with 8 million monthly downloads.
Just search for the All Ears English podcast and hit follow to get four new episodes per week on fluency, American culture, grammar, and so much more.
Or tap the link in the show notes. Remember, we believe in connection, not perfection when it comes to learning English.
Follow the All Ears English podcast now.
Unlock big savings and add style and security to your home with high-quality Schlage door locks from Menards.
Whether you're looking for a traditional interior lock or a Wi-Fi compatible electronic lock, Menards has you covered.
With more than 200 options of Schlage door locks in stock, save big on all door locks.
And don't forget to check out our weekly flyer on Menards.com for all the great deals happening now.
Save big money at Menards.
