This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 105, How's the Fam?
Six ways to ask a co-worker about their family in English.
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Hey, Michelle, how's everything going today?
Hey, Lindsay. Good, good. How are you? How's the fam?
The fam, the fam is great. Well, I was just in California seeing my aunt, which is kind of extended family, but it's good to be there for your family.
And this might be something that I would share with some coworkers, right?
Going to California a lot to help my aunt with things with my closer coworkers.
I might share that, right? Yeah. Right, right, right, right.
Right. Exactly. Sometimes we open up to our co-workers about family.
Sometimes we ask about their family as a way to connect, maybe build connection.
That's what we're talking about today because this is important for business.
We talk about business is also life. We can't just go into the business world and think that we're not people, like we're just workers or just robots.
It's not so. This is a super important skill to have to connect over that. um so we also spoke about family on episode 73 of this podcast it was called do you have a work spouse american office culture explained um so that was fun you told us about your work husband i think when you i think i was at a work brother my work brother yeah yeah yeah that was fun that was fun it's kind of cool because i've never had that exact concept before but i think people in large companies that stay for a long time they do have that which is pretty cool so guys go check out that episode yes yes exactly and guys remember to hit follow on this podcast uh lindsay how many times does the business english podcast come out every week oh my gosh three times a week and you said it earlier michelle that is exactly the heart of what we do we are human beings in the business world so we're going to show you when you're ready to be buttoned up and professional we'll show you how to do that but a lot of the time we are just human right which means sometimes we're casual sometimes we're semi-formal sometimes we're formal the key is connection Right.
The key is connection for all of it. Business and life, Michelle.
So that is right. That's right. So make sure you hit follow.
So you never miss anything from us. Um, but yeah, so Lindsay, when we talk, I mean, we know about each other's family.
I mean, yeah, for sure. I've met your husband and yes, that's true.
You have, um, wow. Uh, I was just thinking the last time I saw you, I was, uh, pregnant with my first child and now he's so crazy. that even though we're seeing each other now but we've like physically in person the last time we worked together was in new york right in 2018 i guess and yeah yeah 17 18. yeah and i was pregnant right yes that's so crazy michelle but it's important to know people's you know you don't have to know all your co-workers families but when you do it adds a layer of dimension and makes them more three-dimensional Right.
Do you think that it's okay to, as you're building your, your relationships at work, is it okay to ask about someone's family?
Yeah, I think so. This is kind of an intuitive thing, right?
And this might be cultural too, but I think that you can kind of feel into it.
Is this, is this a question that we're ready for between the two of us?
Right. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, that's what we're really getting into today.
I mean, I think that this can be good for building the connection.
You may have something in common that will come up that will actually strengthen the bond at work.
So we're going to talk about some good questions you can ask your coworkers, either if you already know the person's family or if you don't.
And these are kind of pretty basic questions, but that's why we want to talk about them. because they're still important.
These are on the surface questions, but we can do follow ups on deeper ways to get further into things.
Yeah. Well, the truth is, Michelle, we don't need groundbreaking, incredibly deep questions to build a connection.
All we need is to get started with a simple question, and then maybe eventually we go into deeper stories and someone comes in and shares something they're going through.
But that's for later. Right, right. These are good starters.
So, Lindsay, what's one of the first questions you can ask?
Well, just what you asked me when we got on the mic today, Michelle.
So, how's the family or how's the fam? Now, what does that mean when I shorten it?
What's the connotation to fam? If it's more casual, family.
It's short for family. That would be for very casual.
So, you want to go in on the first day of a new job to your boss and say, hey, how's the fam?
Yeah, for sure. And by the way, you can answer this in creative ways.
I would include my dog in my fam. And he went to the vet this morning.
So he had shots. So he was having a rough morning.
So I could share that. Right. We can be creative in how we define our family.
Lindsay, your dog was having a rough morning.
Yeah. You are the queen of puns. And I hope our listeners got that, guys.
Let us know in wherever you want to connect with us.
If you got that pun, you want to explain that real quick, just in case.
OK, well, so basically, well, I don't know, Lindsay, when you think of a dog making a sound, do you think of our wolf wolf or a rough rough roof?
So yeah, so rough, right? Like rough. So she said my dog is having a rough morning.
So yeah, it's good. It's good. I love it.
So good. So that is a good question to start with.
How's the family? How's the fam? It's broad.
It's not asking about anything specific or too personal.
You can answer it however you want. You could also, if you know somebody in the family, you could say, how's blank doing?
So like, maybe, you know, your coworker's wife is named Stacy.
How's Stacy doing? Or your daughter or whatever it is.
And that's even more powerful, I think, because, you know, the fact that like, I remember your husband's name, I sort of know him.
I've met him once. Like, I think that probably strengthens our connection when I say like, oh, how are things going for Dan? right yeah it'd be weird if you were yeah if you've met him and you know his name and you're just saying your husband every time strange yeah so it's more personal yeah um and then and what's another thing you could say okay we could say um i heard x did x how did that go so here's an example i heard little lucille was in a concert this weekend how did that go okay So if you know something a little bit already, right?
So our questions are getting, you know, these are still basic questions, but they're getting a little bit deeper.
So like, if you know, if somebody on Friday said, hey, my daughter Lucille has a concert, you know, and then Monday you can say, oh, yeah, so I heard, you know, so how did Lucille's concert go?
Also strength, as you said, goes a level deeper because it does show that you paid attention, you remembered.
That's a lot for coworkers, right? That maybe aren't necessarily friends, but it's a lot to remember that.
It's a big deal. It's powerful is what I'm trying to say.
Yes, it is powerful. Yes. Okay, Michelle, what else?
What else can we do here? Well, if you were just really trying to get to know someone, maybe you're going, you know, maybe you started a new job and you're going out with your coworkers for a lunch and you know, you're kind of not, you're talking more about your personal life, just sharing interesting things.
Uh, what are some things you could ask about the family?
Yeah. You could say, so do you have any siblings or this might be, as you said, Michelle, you're having lunch, getting to know a new coworker.
My sister was here over the weekend. Do you have any siblings?
Right. right do you have any siblings right I'm emphasizing what in that sentence Michelle what am I you you do you have any siblings right coming back really tying it all together nice right or do you have family nearby so you could say my mother came over for dinner she lives five minutes away do you have family nearby same right do you have family nearby right and we don't need to overdo it but there is this is intonation guys this is what makes you sound interesting okay we have to make sure we do that next one guys write these down okay these are going to be so useful you're going to want to pull your little notepad out of the pog out of your pocket during the day and use these does anyone in your family work in this field as well it's a long it's a mouthful of a question but it's interesting right because sometimes people do follow in the footsteps of their their family right yeah lindsey did you ever want to be an eye doctor never absolutely not i what do they say it's like the um the shoemakers kids have no shoes or something i hardly had any eye appointments growing up my dad is an optometrist and i rarely my mom would always say you have to give the children an eye appointment you have to take them in on the weekend and i must have gotten like three eye appointments my entire childhood That's funny.
That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I never wanted to.
What about you? Did you ever want to follow in the footsteps of your parents?
No, my parents work for the government. Yeah, it's just totally outside of anything I would have wanted to do.
I'm sure there are some government jobs that would have been cool for me, but they are more like math people.
Oh, interesting. Okay. I don't think I ever knew what your parents did.
Huh? Very interesting. Yeah. Accountant, auditor.
Wow. That is very mad. I mean, I'm sure we have a lot of listeners that, you know, if you are good at that, it's a really good field to be in.
Right. Cause you can pass full and really improve a business significantly or a government too.
Yeah. Yeah. But not for me. But you could say, oh, I have a knack for computer stuff.
I feel like I grew up with it. I come from a family of IT workers.
Does anyone in your family work in IT as well?
Right, so we're sharing a lot here, right?
We're sharing, we're saying a lot about I, I, I, which is good, but we have to follow that up.
Every time I hear myself say three sentences with I, I have to be going back to the other person, because I always have this complex that I'm talking about myself too much.
Really? Yeah, I have a major complex and I'm always, oh my gosh, do they think I'm really self-involved? oh my gosh that's so funny i'm sure it's not a lot i have never thought that yeah but it is it's a little it's self what do they call that it's like self it's revealing parts of yourself you know it's self-disclosure which is powerful in connection yeah yeah abercrombie's viral denim sale is back and spotify listeners get an extra 15 off with code spotify af Abercrombie is known for their denim.
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Exclusions apply. See details online. So, I mean, this connects you.
It starts to help you form those deeper bonds, but it isn't too deep.
Like, Lindsay, what when do you think the questions could get too deep?
And and and how do we know if it's OK to start like developing, you know, those closer bonds at work?
Well, obviously I think for you want to wait for someone to share something, to disclose something deeper.
If they're going through something, maybe someone was in the hospital, someone struggling with some problem, mental health issues, you want to wait for them.
You don't ask about that. And even if they've revealed something to you, let's say last week, your coworker told you that her son was in like addiction counseling, let's say, or something, right?
That could be a situation. I don't know if I would next week go back and say, so how's your son doing?
I would maybe wait again. What do you think?
Like maybe it was just a moment of them.
I don't know. I guess it would depend. It would depend.
I think it's different for everything. I mean, some people deal with things where they want to talk about it.
They want to be asked. And some people might feel, oh, I kind of, maybe I didn't actually want to share that, but I was feeling vulnerable and I hope they don't bring it up.
And you know, so yeah. It's hard to know.
It's hard to know. That's just human nature.
I think you have to get the context clues, like get the, get the clues.
Do they bring it up? So be careful there.
Um, yeah, I mean, I think asking direct questions about, um, personal things like money, obviously we've talked about this on the show, right?
The per money, religion, sex. These are personal things that in American culture, at least we don't go straight to it and ask direct questions.
Right. right that's true that's true so um good points lindsay so should we do a role play to show how this might go absolutely and in this role play we're not going to use everything we show you guys but we're going to use some of them here we go all right here we go so uh we have worked together uh for a month and we are getting lunch all right so how's the fam Oh, they're good, thanks.
My daughter had a basketball game this weekend, so that was fun.
Oh, nice. And I saw on your Instagram that little Billy had an ice cream party this weekend.
How did that go? Oh, it was so much fun.
Too much ice cream, though. My mother came and helped me with the whole thing.
She lives pretty close. Oh, do you have family nearby?
Oh, no, they're all still in Kentucky, where I'm from.
Oh, I see. Well, actually, my brother lives in Seattle.
Do you have any siblings? Yes, two sisters.
I guess there I didn't actually use the intonation that we taught our listeners to use.
That's okay. It is okay. I could have said, do you have any siblings?
But you don't have to. It's also legitimate and clear if I say, do you have any siblings?
So just to be clear about that. That's fine as well.
Yeah. Right. So, all right. So let's go through it.
So you said, how's the fam? So how's the fam?
How's the fam? Yeah. It's a fun intuition too, isn't it?
Yeah. Yes. Yes. And then you brought up Instagram.
So it looks like we're kind of getting kind of chummy.
We're getting, you know, we're friends on social media.
So it's okay to bring that up, I think. Yeah.
And I saw on Instagram that little Billy had an ice cream party this weekend.
Interesting. And I bet our listeners are going to have a question here.
Little Billy, like two times in this episode so far, we put little in front of the kid's name.
Is that common? What would you say, Michelle?
Is that what, what, like, what's that about?
Yeah. I don't know why I wrote it twice.
I wouldn't say that it's like super common.
Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's super common.
I wouldn't say it every single time, but sometimes you could.
Yeah. Sometimes you could. I wonder how long that can be little, right?
Up to age 10 or something. Eight. I don't know.
Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes. I don't really say it.
I say that more for people's dogs. Like, oh, a little like they're a little someone's little puppy.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like, I guess you could, there's nothing wrong with it.
It's not wrong. I'd say just don't overuse it.
Yeah. I got too excited about this. I don't know.
Um, and then I was telling you about how my mom came and then that she lives close.
And I said, do you have family nearby? Yeah.
Right. And I said, no, they're still in Kentucky.
And then I said, well, actually my brother lives in Seattle.
Do you have any siblings? Right. So we're really just getting to know each other here. right we've like already you can tell we already have somewhat of a rapport we're friends on social media but we're still getting to know each other so we're kind of getting you know closer yeah i love it i love it so what's the takeaway this is really solid in terms of getting to know our co-workers michelle but anything we can take away today Yeah, well, this is good for connection.
You know, we talked to you. We gave you specific questions that you can ask depending on the situation.
We just want to think about the context.
Like, when do we want to bring things up?
How do we get closer? And, you know, just really, really pay attention to the other person and what they're willing to talk about. i think it's good to open up to your co-workers about family but you just have to think about what you should ask and when and you'll feel it out and before you know it you'll have a work husband wife sister brother whatever yeah and there's a cultural layer here too that i really want our listeners to pay attention to um i think that self-disclosure is really different across cultures Oh my gosh.
We studied this in my graduate program actually.
Do you remember the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
Of course. Okay. So the situation, we actually studied the concept of self-disclosure across cultures when it was a Greek family and it was the American guy's family came to visit, right?
The Greek parents. And the first thing that the mother shared was my twin was born in my neck, my twin.
That's incredible self-disclosure for a first time.
And so I think self-disclosure is super cultural guys.
So if you're working in American culture, the UK, Australia, just think about that concept.
How much do people reveal about themselves and when, because it's not going to be the same.
Right. Good point, Lindsay. Good point. Well, I'm glad we talked about this today.
And guys, get to know your coworkers. Hope it goes well.
Yeah. And watch that movie. My big fat Greek.
There's a third one coming out. I just, yes, last week, just last week.
It's so funny you bring this up because just last week I was, I was just like looking at my phone and all of a sudden I think it's coming out in September.
I know. I'm so excited. I love it. I laughed the entire time.
I know. That's great. So good stuff. All right, Michelle, thanks for hanging out today and guys hit follow if you love business English.
All right. Take care. Talk soon. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.
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