Hi, welcome back to Eat Your crust podcast. I'm Crystal.
And I'm Jisoo. So today we have a relationship topic to cover.
And I actually think this concept is quite important.
And I'm feeling its importance grow a little bit more even in recent months.
Today we're going to discuss maintaining independence in a relationship.
Quick context for our listeners.
If anyone is new to this podcast, Crystal and I are both in long -term relationships.
I guess it's more accurate to say that I'm in a marriage now.
So we are in it and committed and I think have a lot of learnings to share in terms of maintaining independence.
And I think maintaining independence is a big thing for me because I value alone time lot and I'm definitely more of an introvert so I think it comes naturally with the territory and sometimes it's easy to get like really consumed in a relationship, especially in the beginning, and then I feel like as things develop and normalize and routines form, you start to realize, huh, I need to make sure that I have time for myself too.
Honestly, I think this concept is something that I had to actively learn.
I think I would consider myself a pretty relationship oriented person and also an extrovert so to me spending time with someone is like the default.
I don't love to have a ton of solo blocks in my week where I'm not hanging out with someone.
When you're in a relationship it's very easy to have the most comfortable person that you love fill that spot.
So I think past me and maybe even current me is very much used to like spending your entire life with someone Like every single moment of it, you know talking with other girlfriends of course you and just learning that for other people like they want to have a I guess stronger balance between alone time and relationship time was kind of shocking to me So I feel like in college that was when I was kind of testing myself in this area Maybe testing and failing, but still testing.
Hey, that's good. At least you're still testing.
Maybe to me, the biggest core part of this is that you maintain a sense of self.
You don't just become your relationship.
You're still your own person.
Sometimes people forget that a little bit.
That's true. It is very easy to slip until, like, what is more comfortable and what is like your day to day.
And I feel like especially when you live with someone, that boundary starts to get pretty learned as well.
Yeah, I feel like since I currently live separately from my boyfriend, it's easier sometimes to set boundaries.
We have like a pseudo schedule kind of where it's like these days are usually reserved for us time.
And these other weekdays are more reserved for getting ourselves together.
Oh, okay. I have a question.
Maybe not completely related to this topic, but just my own curiosity.
Like, say you carve out, like, three days a week to hang out with your partner, right, when you don't live with him.
But of course as things come up, there's social obligations, birthday parties, group dinners, and things where you and your SO both have to be there, and that might potentially take up one or two of the days of that week, right?
Would you want to fill that up?
You know, have backlog of like, oh, since we had three full days of social obligations this week, let's have one raw day together.
Or would you be like, well, that's, you know, our quotas up, see you next week.
Okay, wait. This is actually a really good question.
When things are happening in a day to day sense, and it's just, you know, extra social obligations are tacked on, then our time just naturally extends.
But it does kind of hit like a certain point where it's like, okay, um, you need to leave actually recently we had a big trip for a friend's wedding, you know our whole friend group did and me and my boyfriend ended up traveling for almost like three weeks total and so when we finally got back we spent the first night together and then after the next day I was like okay I'll see you next week the door's over there I mean, honestly, that makes sense.
I feel like the closest way to describe it that I can feel is, you know, when you hang out with someone for a long time and you like hold in a fart, and you're like having fun, but you're like, I need this person to leave so that I can release this fart.
I think, depending on who it is, there's varying levels where you can like stand them or like stand to like hold in that fart.
And with your boyfriend, of course, the amount of time that you can hold it is much longer, right?
like super super long, but you still have to like occasionally just release that somewhere, so maybe that's like somewhat of a metaphor?
Yeah and I think because we don't live together our personal space is in separate areas, and that's probably the biggest thing.
If we lived in a some sort of place where it was cohabitating then it would be easier to be like, all right let's you know take a quiet day, just go to our own spaces and Right.
And recover versus now where it's like, okay, I guess you could recover in my space or I could recover in your space, but it might just be ultimately more comfortable if we're in our own spaces.
Yeah, that's true. I feel like your right environment definitely does have a big impact on it.
And when you're curating like a shared space together your shared apartment or, you know, your shared house, then you can carve out those spaces separately.
But when you're over at someone else's place, It's like inevitably kind of a guest and in keeper type of relationship.
Yeah, exactly. I guess beyond this concept of personal space, I like that you mentioned maintaining a sense of self, I kind of feel like this is something that comes very naturally to introverts, this is just my personal theory.
And as an extrovert myself, my sense of self is sometimes derived from the relationships that I have with people around me.
So it's not necessarily like personal time that makes me feel more like myself.
It's like affirming my relationships with my closest friends and family and seeing myself in their eyes.
Like that's my true sense of self, you know?
So how does this sense of self look like for you?
Like what do you think are factors that make you really feel like at home and like yourself?
Ooh. Okay. I guess like one part of it is doing things that I want to do.
Not something that's a social obligation or something that like maybe I do want to do but it was like because someone else told me or like someone else is like hosting something I think that's like a big part so I guess you know solo hobbies to put it into a phrase and I guess like in a relationship most of the time there's some sort of compromise or you're like working as a team you're like a unit together but then to be able to have like your own sense of self and be your own unit is important in my perspective because then when you come together as a team you can bring your other qualities
in, you work together with your differences to become a better, stronger unit together, if that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah. I'm picturing like a work group or something.
Like a corporate team, but it makes sense.
Like if you share 100 % of your life with your partner, there's not a ton you can do outside of that relationship to continue to enhance it.
And I think it leads to a lot of like codependency where you're waiting for your partner so that you can do something, or you have to have your partner to be there so that you can check this off.
And that's something that I've definitely struggled with a lot in the past and probably still continue to kind of grapple with, of like, how do I not take something that is so pure and awesome and genuine, like a strong relationship?
How do I prevent myself from morphing it into, like, something that I need and like depend on to do every single thing in my life?
And I think COVID was like a big turning point for me...
for the worse, oh no, because I feel like pre -COVID, everyone had their own life, you know, and you were so like used to that and it was like the status quo.
And then during COVID, obviously you can't go out.
I'm sure anyone who was living with their partner during COVID might be able to relate to parts of this, but it's like you truly can only do things as like a unit.
I think the most like solo thing I was doing at the time was like maybe gaming or like going on runs.
And then post COVID building our individual lives back up I think was a learning process, like almost doing it from bottoms up.
So yeah, it's not something that comes like very naturally for me like I think my natural desire is to like want to take this thing that I love and just slather it on to every aspect of my life, you know?
That's fair and I feel like that's not even necessarily just an introvert slash extrovert difference as well because I feel like I probably crave independence a little more than like my boyfriend does.
He definitely leans more towards spending more time together and less time apart Actually, this made me learn some concept and therapy Our lives are a Venn diagram when you're in a relationship this Venn diagram You know a romantic relationship a friendship any sort of relationship your Venn diagrams your circles overlap and it's up to you to to decide how much you want that overlap to be but if that overlap becomes 100%, then that becomes codependency, and that's not good for anyone.
So it's like, what is the healthy balance for both you and your partner without going to like zero?
Or a hundred. The answer lies somewhere in between.
Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.
It also makes a lot of sense to me that you and your partner decide this together.
It's not something that can be decided based on like what one person wants.
So you're right. I guess you do have to kind of collaborate to reach a point that works for both of you.
Okay. What do you think your Venn Diagram percentage overlap would be?
Oh dude, I feel like it has to be like, actually recently my learning has been this, I think my instinct is to have it be like almost a hundred percent, if I'm being honest, maybe not a hundred, maybe like 90, my instinct.
And then lately, I feel like I've been having just more enrichment in my social life, I guess.
More girl strips and more, you know, fun things to celebrate that doesn't always involve my husband.
Even though that kind of goes against my will and, like, what I want, I realize, like, the benefit that it has, like, that, you know, emotional or maybe, like, mental impact that it has on me is huge.
So my answer is that even though I probably want it to be at like 90, I think the healthy balance is maybe like 75, 70 to 75.
And that's kind of where it's been trending lately.
Like, I feel like it sits around that like 70 to 75 mark.
That's good. And I feel like it's natural for the Venn diagram percentage to increase when you live together as well.
Oh, I feel like it's almost a privilege for me to be able to have that diagram percentage smaller.
But when you talked about having girls' trips and like more other social happenings without your husband, I also remembered you have a book club that's been going on since like college, right?
That one, I think, James isn't a part of and never has been, right?
That is true, yeah.
He doesn't sit in on those.
And then that made my mind wander off to like, dude you also need these social interactions, because then it gives you the chance to like, share your funny stories without having, sometimes the subject of the story being there.
Bekkah - True. Or like without it being like just work stuff, right?
I feel like the default is like, oh this happened at work and then, it like dries up because everything else is shared.
But you're so right.
I guess there are parts of my life have been ongoing that are separate, and I just don't notice it.
However, I know that you mentioned that you have a lower Venn diagram percentage, so I'm so curious what your, like, ideal level is.
Oh my god, okay. I remember when I first learned about this concept and I was thinking about it.
This was also earlier in my relationship, just as a, you know, preface.
I think my percentage was like maybe it was like 30.
Wait, this was in the beginning, though.
Beginning of the relationship, we're still like, you know...
Gramping up. Yeah. And I actually distinctly remember because, you know, in the beginning of a relationship, it's like all honeymoon phase, and you're like spending so much time together.
And I think there was this one point where me and my boyfriend spent almost like two weeks straight together.
Whoa. At least it felt like that it was either straight or two weeks straight.
Okay. And then at the end of that time, I told him I was like, oh, I think I need more alone time than what just happened.
Just to let you know, like, I feel like in the future, we should avoid having like such long consecutive time together because I need time to like recharge and do my own activities as well.
And he was like, okay.
But I guess like now my Venn diagram is more like 50 ish.
I like how we both have like such extreme I mean, I will say 90 feels more extreme than 30, but we like start off with the extreme number.
we've settled off more in the middle.
Honestly, I can appreciate that, like as someone who enjoys and like wants as much overlap as possible, I think it's really commendable that you set a hard boundary.
And like boundary setting as a concept is just already impressive to me.
But to be able to like identify what your need is and to like communicate that to your partner early on I think is super healthy.
Yeah, because the big thing was like, I could feel myself not being myself in a sense, like I wasn't doing some of the things that I'm used to doing before the relationship, because you kind of have your own routine and then you have to like adjust it accordingly.
So sometimes that like sudden change is a lot.
And I guess I noticed that and I was like, oh god I need like to get my life together.
Okay. Also, I don't know if you feel this but sometimes I feel like spending time together in a relationship Everything else in your life is on pause.
Oh I guess because it's like so much of the time is focused on you too as a unit yeah, and then like your life as one person is on pause kind of Oh Interesting.
I guess I it's like hard for me to think back on like my single era But I can definitely understand that it forces you to de -prioritize certain stuff, and I think that goes on.
It's not just an early relationship thing, like your relationship will be at least top three priority, right?
Even if you're in it for a long time.
So I can understand that you start to, like, rank other things and have to shuffle stuff around and adjust to that.
Yeah, one example could be in the beginning when we were spending a lot of time together and boundaries weren't set or like our routines weren't adjusted yet.
There was suddenly a feeling on my end like, Oh, I haven't talked to some of these friends in a while or I haven't seen certain friends in a while because we've been so focused on this relationship.
And now everything else in my life just feels like it's like the blurry background.
Yeah, I feel like you're very right.
Like, there is sort of a perspective shift that happens.
But do you think it's kind of like a pendulum?
Like, maybe after a certain amount of time, in the new part of a relationship, it swings back?
Or do you feel like things that get deprioritized during the conception or inception of a relationship stays deprioritized?
Maybe there is a little bit of a pendulum swing.
You know what, I think we've kind of talked about this before from the other perspective where we're like oh sometimes when people enter new relationships they like disappear for a little while right and that's like completely understandable so you're right like it does swing back because then they start to like adjust their routines and like figure out how to be their own person while also being a unit and I guess sometimes it takes longer to swing back and sometimes it doesn't swing back all the actually, I guess like most of the time it won't swing back all the way to the level it used to be.
And that's just something you have to accept.
That's true. I mean, there are just so many things that change when someone is in a relationship, whether it's yourself or like watching a friend enter a new relationship.
One thing that I've experienced on a personal level is there's something that feels very weird, at least to me about starting something new when you're in a relationship, And it feels completely different from starting something new when you're single.
And I think the main difference is like, when I'm in a relationship and I want to start something new, my thought is always like, oh, should I ask James if he also wants to join or like, should I see if he's interested in doing this?
And that's always like the first check for me.
It's never that like he insists on being asked every time I start something.
Like, I think it's more of like me doing it.
But I'm always evaluating if this is going to be something we do together or if it's to be something that he doesn't want to do therefore I do by myself do you feel that way or is this like a is this like a me thing no no I definitely feel that way there are some times where it's like yeah maybe I'm gonna do something new and then there's this part of my brain that's like damn should I like invite my boyfriend it's a little war between the selfish side and like relationships like oh but like what if I just want this to be my thing yeah yeah i almost feel like in an archaic way like it's easier
when the activities are like very gendered um it's like an easy example is not a ton of guys commit to like a yoga routine you know yeah so then it would be very natural for me to be like i'm going to core power and then not have to be like do you want to come like do you want to embark on this yoga journey with you yeah yeah but i don't know if i were to suddenly get into like baseball or something.
Like I would feel obligated to be like, Oh, we should play together.
James was like, how could you not invite me to sports?
Yeah, exactly. Hmm.
That's very fair. But on the flip side, well, I don't know if it's like flip side, but like in another scenario, what about something that you used to do alone or with a group of people now that you're in a relationship, do you invite your partner in or do you keep it as your own?
activity. So I guess like, for example, your Book Club, did you ever invite James to it?
Rachael Dempsey, Ph .D. So for our Book Club it's kind of funny because it's four core members.
Two of the members on our Book Club are together like, they're engaged.
The other two, it's like me and this other guy.
Obviously, I have James and then our other Book Club member has his wife as So it's kind of like a core group of four readers.
And then we have the two people who are adjacent, but not, you know, a core member.
So we do this thing called like book and movie club, where allegedly, like the other two people are supposed to watch the movies of the books that we read.
So they're kind of like built into the concept, you know, but they don't come to our meetings.
They really just come for like holiday gatherings or when we do dinners or we like an annual end of year party that we do where we'll go over presentations and stuff.
So they'll always be there.
I think that's like actually a pretty healthy example of like having something that is like sacred to you and incorporating your partner and having them feel included without forcing the concept, right?
Because I feel like if I were to be like, James, this means a lot to me, like I want you to read and be a part of our book club.
Like we would maybe both end up miserable where I'm like forcing him to read and he doesn't want to read.
On the flip side, like I think if James were to have something as close to his heart and as like important as you know, my book club is to me, and he didn't even try to introduce me to people or like try to incorporate me at all, I would also be kind of sad, you know?
Like I guess the other example is his gaming group where you also are in that group and like play games with this group of people all the time.
I have been invited to play games, but I'm not expected to always be there.
And that's like the balance that I enjoy.
You know, Don't worry.
James doesn't even play in that group anymore.
That's true. Okay. Wait, but also rewind.
You guys make presentations for your book club.
It's like funny shit.
We give out like awards, you know?
I was like, damn, why is this sounding like homework club?
I think it makes sense that you want to introduce this like activity to your partner in the sense of like this is what I like to do and these are like some of the friends that I do it with.
But then maybe my fear is what if it becomes, whether you realize it or not, it becomes something that they are a part of and then suddenly like you don't have any more things that are just sacred to yourself?
Yeah, I think that's fair cause it does happen a lot in real life, right?
Like sometimes you're like, oh, I'll just bring this person to this one hang out or this one thing just so that you could see like what I like to do in my own time.
And then it snowballs into like there in the group chat now, like, you know, they're heavily involved in the planning and they're like, hanging out without you, even when you're not free sometimes, et cetera, et cetera.
Like it does end up like that sometimes, but you're like, but that's ideal.
But I think in the ideal world, it would just work out so that you don't have to communicate and things would just settle exactly where you want it to be.
But I guess in real life, like maybe you would have to communicate that to your Be like this is something that I love when you like come by and like watch or like sit in on or whatever But I do want this to be my own separate thing.
Wow. These words are so foreign like they feel so strange coming out of my mouth words never before spoken I guess there's also like the balance adding on to the communication part So one example I can think of is my boyfriend I play golf together all the time But he also has other friends who play golf with him.
And so sometimes if he's like, oh, I'm gonna go play like golf with a couple of the boys.
Do you wanna come? I'm like, you just go have your boy time or whatever.
Right, right. But then sometimes I'm like, wait, I wanna come.
But then the difference is that we also have the golf time that is just us.
Or it's like the ones that like we plan together.
And that's like mandatory attendance for both of us.
And then if it's like golf time that he's planned with other people, that's like completely optional attendance from my side.
Yeah, and I think that's a very good point.
Like even within an activity, a whole activity doesn't have to be fully yours or fully ours or fully theirs.
You can also kind of split it up so that there's a healthy balance.
But I think the most ideal thing in my mind is like both parties need to have somewhat equal level and like quantities of activities that they keep for themselves.
There was a time in my life where I felt like there wasn't a ton of individual things going on for me and then James had a ton of social things, you know, just like exercise and like all these other activities that he was a part of.
And when I felt that imbalance of like, oh he's always going out to do his own thing and then I'm kind of at home or maybe only have a couple of things going on I just remember it felt like really, really bad so I think being mindful of like that general balance in your relationship is always kind of key as well.
That makes sense. And I think this is where the importance of you mentioned like a boys day or like a boys hangout and we talked previously about all the girlships that's been happening for us lately.
I feel like those things are truly sacred like untouchable, you know what I mean?
Yeah, I would never want to like intrude on a boy's hangout.
You know, if my boyfriend and his boys want to hang out whatever, I'll be like, I'll gladly stay at home.
Dude, there was this one time, I guess I didn't realize it was like a boy's hangout but then it kind of was James had invited a couple people over.
And then as they were filing in and like setting up in our living room I was like, Oh God like I'm getting some like dark energy here.
And then I just immediately ejected myself from the hangout and I like slowly withered away into the bedroom and later I was like, damn, like this is what it feels like to be at like a guy's hangout as a girl.
You know what I mean?
I'm like, there's too much testosterone.
The hangout barely even started in your like, I need to leave. Yeah.
And then I heard them in the living room.
They're like, Oh, GC doesn't want to hang out with us.
And then in the bedroom with the door shut, I was like shaking my head.
Absolutely not. Yeah.
And I feel like, Even if you might not have as many solo activities to do in a relationship, having those girls' nights slash boys' nights are definitely crucial.
I mean it doesn't even have to be a girls' night necessarily, but it's like a night with you and your friends.
I guess that's when you're really your own unit.
So I feel like as your relationship progresses and you go through life and other people also their own relationships.
People start moving in these like, units of two.
That's kind of like, your default, in a sense, yeah, I mean like, weddings are so top of mind lately because I've been going to so many, but I feel like that is a perfect example where a lot of people are coupled up, or they have like family, you know, all of that stuff, and you're generally moving in these like units of two.
But when you're just like having a night with friends, no significant others joining, then it feels like you can embody yourself again and not have to like, you know, be presented as two people.
You get to be presented as one person.
True. Dude, I feel this like really starkly when I meet someone new for the first time as like, Just myself versus meeting people as like a couple in like a non -work setting I am very used to meeting new people with James next to me so we have our like whole Introduction and everything like down.
It's like a script, you know, and then when I meet someone as a solo person I'm just like, whoa, like this is crazy.
You don't even know me Wait, that's so true.
Now that you mentioned the like script cuz there's like different sub sets of questions that you're asked when you're one person versus when you're with your partner.
Oh how'd you two meet how long have you been dating you know it's all about like you two yeah versus when you're meeting someone just as you it's like oh well tell me about yourself like what are you interested in right like you know what do you like do you know all that kind of stuff.
It's really interesting and honestly like recently I had this coming to moment where with all of these girls trips and you know hangouts with my friends and etc I remembered these other personalities that I have that live inside me and not to sound like I'm too in my head or whatever but I do feel like every individual person has all these different facets and sides of them that come out when you're interacting with different groups of people and when you're in like a long -term relationship or like a marriage especially for me and I feel like we are so close and we share so many people in our
social network. I am so used to operating as like a household personality.
Like I am one of like a comedy duo, sometimes that's how it feels.
Going to Bachelorette trips and like meeting new people and being around people that are normally not in my life and presenting myself as like a individual person, I was like, Whoa.
I forgot I had this like personality.
But it was like new character unlocked within myself.
And I think it felt very healthy and kind of exciting to an extent, a dormant volcano coming back alive or some shit, but it was a good reminder of why these things are so important, even if they're not instinctive for me, like I still need to seek them out, do them and participate, you know?
Yeah, you're like, I don't need James here to crack this joke.
I was like, dude, I forgot.
I was like this type of person, like just unhinged.
Yeah, and actually now that you mentioned it that also makes me think about at work, I only know my coworkers as their single selves, if that makes sense, or they're like lone unit, you know?
Right, right, right.
I haven't seen a handful of them with their partner.
You know, sometimes the vibe is a little different when their partner is there.
As we've been talking about, you're operating in a different type of unit and then you get to see like different sides of them.
There's this one coworker who sits next to me and we talk a lot and we're pretty close, but I've never seen her husband.
And I'm like, That's just a whole aspect of her life that I just don't know.
Dude, honestly, that's a good point.
Because I feel like I've heard so much about like, you know how at work you just like gossip or like chat or not always bad things, but just like day to day things and stories that come up.
So every time I've met like a coworkers, so I'm always going into it like knowing so much about the way that's so true, and it's always like a balance of do I tell them how much I know?
Like, oh, you don't need to tell me what you do, I already know that already.
Should I go through the whole introduction anyway?
Yeah. Okay also, this might be a little crazy, but I don't know what everyone's, or at least in the beginning, like I didn't know what everyone's husband or partner or whatever it looked like, so sometimes I would like when I walk by their desks I walk a little slower and then I look at the photos they have and I'm like, Oh, that's what their husband looks like.
Wait, that's so, I love how you could totally just ask to and be like, oh, that's such a cute photo of your family, but instead you're like, zoom 150.
Wait, I literally never even thought about that.
Okay. But sometimes their desk is like opposite of mine.
Like, like I see the back of their divider.
So, you know, I don't have x -ray vision.
I can't be like, oh my God, that one photo on your desk.
They're like, how are you seeing this right now?
You're like, Can you pass me that frame?
Just need to take a look.
I know we're like cracking jokes about our solo self personalities and our like relationship self personalities.
But I do want to say, like, I don't think having a gap in between these two personalities is a bad thing.
In some ways, I feel like it's a receipt of the growth that you've undergone in that relationship.
For me, at least I know there's a ton of qualities that I think have been like rectified over the years being in my relationship with James.
So I think to an extent, it's almost like a badge of honor of like all these things that I've worked on that have become smoother and rounder over the years, just wanted to caveat that it's not always negative.
it. Yeah, and I think it's so interesting, too, because like, we both arrive at a similar conclusion where it's like, you know, we want to have a sense of self while also being in a relationship.
But our path to get here is a little different.
It's like, you've been in your relationship for so long.
So you've had to, like, realize it in the relationship, and like, you know, work on it, figure out like, how you balance it.
And then I think for me having time outside of a relationship is also very eye -opening like that's probably where I started to realize more like, oh, well, make sure you don't lose yourself in relationships, blah, blah.
So I feel like it's almost like more impressive to like be in a relationship and figure that out, because it's so easy to get swept up in it all and be like, oh everything's totally good, and I love how it is.
And then like, you know, years down the line you're like, oh, shoot this is actually codependency and it's like, maybe not that healthy, but like to realize it earlier and actively acknowledge it is very impressive, I think.
Well, I have to say it's definitely a work in progress still, but this is why I also have so much respect for like friends who are high school sweethearts, for example, and still have managed to carve out their own lives.
It's so hard and I think the younger you when you met your SO.
The more integrated your lives naturally are just with the passage of time and whatnot so honestly, to me, it's really eye -opening being around people like you who carve out more of that balance actively and I just try to emulate that in my life.
You're so right though about the earlier you meet, the more ingrained in each other's lives you are because me and my boyfriend met more recently so like i had my own adult routine and like independent adult life going on and then it's like oh well now that we're entering this relationship i want to make sure i'm still protecting whatever i used to have in some aspect versus like you said if you meet in like high school you're barely a person yet True.
And then you have to like, while being a unit of two, still have to like, find yourself.
It's like a lot. I wonder if that's why, like, parents always are like, oh, wait until this arbitrary age to start dating, just because they have seen people go through this and know it's like more of a battle.
But at the same time, like, I wouldn't trade meeting James in college for anything.
Like it's just something that comes with a territory, I think.
yeah dude i don't know i think my parents just wanted me to like study they were like never date.
actually okay but also I don't know about your parents but my parents thought i would never see my high school friends again they thought that i would be a lot closer to my college friends oh I remember you said this but like in this day and age where we're just also much more connected we ended up just staying close both high school and college friends.
Even my parents were surprised, I think like the first few years in college slash out of college for they're like, Oh, you're still really close to your high school friends.
I thought you would just like forget about them.
Now that you say that, I'm pretty sure I've said this on the podcast before, but it is relevant.
My parents used to always say like, Oh, you know, at the end of the day, when you're like 40s, 50s, friends aren't to be as important as you think they are now.
And they would always hammer that in and be like, you know family is first, friends are really great.
They're also been important, but it's never gonna be your number one priority.
And maybe that's also why I was always like, okay with like a 90 % but I mean, honestly, that is true too, like both all, all these things can be true.
Yeah, I totally agree.
And I think it's also cool.
Like you mentioned before you and I obviously come from very different perspectives on it, but I like that we are forging our own solo time and our own sense of self in our own individual ways.
So thank you, Crystal, for coming on and sharing your thoughts about independence in a relationship for any of our listeners out there, if any of this resonated with you or you have your own idea of an ideal balance hit us up.
We have Instagram at eatyourcrispods and we also have email eatyourcrispods .gmail .com.
And don't forget to follow on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
We upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening, and don't forget to eat your crust.
