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hello hello dear listener and welcome into ielts speaking part three arguments and communication arguments rory do you enjoy like when people argue with each other when they have rows when they go at each other all this well so much of this depends on the context if it's two people people who are close to me, then no. Because nobody wants to see people that they like fighting with each other unless they're a psychopath.
However, if it's like a fun argument on TV between fictional characters, that could be quite entertaining.
Or if it's between people that you don't particularly like, then you can have a kind of vicarious thrill and be like, ha -ha -ha.
Or a sense of schadenfreude.
Ha -ha -ha. Let's talk about arguments.
Ha -ha -ha. Do you think arguments are important?
That depends on what you are arguing over, surely.
If it's about a serious, life -changing matter like financial affairs, then yes, one should have their side of things.
Or one should argue their side of things.
Absolutely. Or they could lose money and be less able to do things.
But if it's some sort of heated debate about some trivial thing like like, what, leaving the toilet seat up, then I don't think that's something which needs to be the subject of a row.
Do you think people should change the way they think when they have arguments?
I don't know if they can.
I don't think that's a thing about human psychobiology.
When you have a fight, then your critical thinking shuts down, and you want to defend your position to the last, even if you're clearly in the wrong.
I think the purpose of an argument might be to get the emotions dealt with first and then clear the air for more rational reflection and reconsideration.
Although that might be a very idealized way to think about it.
Is it easier to have arguments with your family or with your friends?
Well, surely that's contingent on what sort of family and friends you have. like groups of people can be incredibly inflexible and have the sort of, I don't know, groupthink mindset that prevents any opposing viewpoints from being given airtime.
If we have to pick one though, maybe it's easier to disagree with your friends since even if you fall out with them, you can find new friends.
It's hard to find a new family.
What do family members usually have arguments about?
I think anyone who has ever had a family will tell you there's no limit to the sort of things families get into arguments over.
As far as I'm aware, the most common ones are probably related to notions of respect and manners, since young and old people generally have differing views on that.
So it makes sense that a home with older and younger people in it might suffer from that.
And what should people do when they disagree with someone?
Well, again, that depends on the kind of disagreement that we're having.
Let's imagine it's an academic debate.
Then you agree that you're not going to do things like insult salt each other, you're going to stick to the focus of what the argument actually is.
But let's imagine it's some sort of interpersonal thing, like a clash of personalities.
Then, I mean, clearly escalating to physical violence is not great.
It's probably illegal in most countries.
So that's definitely something they shouldn't do.
But also afterwards, they should probably think about it and think about a way to get past the ill feelings.
At least that seems to be what happens most of the time and seems like a good idea for the majority of cases but i i don't know anything beyond that to be honest with you that would be um more culturally specific stuff why do some people avoid arguing with others well having arguments is not exactly the most pleasant of experiences so it's probably just about avoiding the unpleasant feelings feelings and also risking raising tensions even further if you decide to confront someone about something or if they confront you or if they want to confront you.
I think it's more about avoiding problems than it is finding more effective solutions.
Although I imagine maybe there are more effective ways to solve problems than having arguments.
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See you soon. so we can argue about politics religion or we can argue over politics religion other problems so to argue over or about something we can argue over financial affairs like finances money but But don't say argue over money, say argue over financial affairs.
And people usually argue about serious life -changing matters.
Like serious life -changing topics.
What else could be a life -changing topic?
Hmm, marriage, children.
Even how to organize the wedding.
I mean, in my opinion, that is trivial.
It's not important.
But for many people, the format that weddings take is a matter of life and death.
Yeah, even a wedding dress is, you know, a matter of life and death.
A wedding cake, you know.
Some people might have a heated debate about some trivial things.
So, trivial things, unimportant things, silly things, not serious.
Trivial. A trivial matter.
Not serious. Not important.
And to have a heated debate.
Heated, like hot, like dramatic, like, whoa, debate.
Well, in this context, it could mean an argument.
For example, couples usually argue over the toilet seat.
Do people really argue about this nowadays?
Or ever? Have they ever argued about this?
so women prefer the toilet seat down and men usually what do you say uh men uh raise it up put it up uh they leave well they put the toilet seat up and or they leave it up well they put it up go to the bathroom and then once they have gone they have left it up if they do not return it to the position it was in which it does seem like that big of a deal i don't know why people People have arguments about this.
Or people have a row over the toilet seat.
Or they have a row over the kitchen, over cooking, like all sorts of things.
Here Rory talked about human, so, psychobiology.
So it's kind of psychology and biology, right?
Rory, it's like psychobiology.
But that's just the biology behind how your psychology works.
So when a person has a fight or has an argument, then our critical thinking shuts down.
So when we are passionate, when we are too excited, so our thinking, our logical thinking, critical thinking shuts down.
It closes. That's it.
No more rational thinking.
and you start to defend your position to the last. So, defend, you protect your opinions, you protect yourself.
So, you defend your position to the last. To the last meaning you will do everything, but you will protect your opinions.
So, you want to defend your position to the last even if you are wrong usually yeah what happens even if you are wrong but now i'm gonna defend it to the last and emotions get over us we let our emotions control the argument and ourselves would you like me to give a short biology lesson the biology of arguments by rory Let me re -Fergus Duncan, da -da -da -da -da -da.
Right, I'm going to grossly oversimplify this.
But basically your brain has three levels.
There's the first level, which is like the core of the brain, the oldest part, which governs everything that you are not responsible for directly, like breathing, your heartbeat, things like this.
Then there's the second level, which covers things like your emotional reactions to things.
you have some control over that but not complete.
Then you have your third level which is your executive functioning like your critical thinking and what happens during an argument is you at the second level of your brain is active is the most active part and so this draws resources and activity away from the outer level the third layer and that means that you struggle to effectively argue points or to think critically here instead you're in fight or flight mode the sort of basic survival mode and that's why you're difficult to change your mind when you're having an argument and it's difficult to do anyway but especially in heated arguments very
intense ones that can be a problem thank you Rory for your biology lessons hmm we could even use specialist vocabulary.
So what would it be called?
I think the third layer of your brain, if I'm right, is called your cerebrum.
Then the second layer is called the amygdala, or part of it is called the amygdala.
Rory, we will not remember it.
Amygdala, amygdala, we will not remember this.
Seriously. These are crazy words.
Amygdala. well you know a little bit about brain biology i'm a simple brain biology i should say there's more to it than just that but um these are good ways of understanding it yeah dear listener when you talk about the brain you can just make up a word just create a word like you know this part of the brain is called minitilus the examiners seriously will not know minitilus i've just made it up you know it's a makeup word maybe it exists i don't know different parts of the brain have these funny names, so, you know...
They're not funny. They have a purpose behind them.
Oh, amygdala, amymbola, mimimbola.
Amymbola. Mimbimbola.
Just say kind of with a serious face, dear listener, you know?
When a person has an argument, this part of the brain, which is called mimimbola, is activated.
That's it, you see?
It's just... The examiner will not know all the names for different parts of the brain.
That's for sure. But you could, and knowing this information might be useful one day.
Yeah, Mimi and Bola.
Very useful. Maria does not think so, but I do.
No, no, no. It's useful.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course it's useful if you can remember the names.
But, well, maybe our listener can't remember all the names for brain parts.
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We can say that it depends on a family, or it's contingent on a family, or kind of the kind of family people have. Some families are incredibly inflexible, so they are not flexible.
They don't change their opinions, and perhaps it's easier to disagree with your friends if you fall out with with them if you argue with them remember fall out argue if you fall out with your friends you can find new friends yay but it's very difficult to find a new family that's a good idea family members argue about what everything they argue about everything so there is no limit it they get into arguments over everything so a nice phrase get into arguments over everything to argue about everything and the most common topics are related to manners our behavior behavior, politics, religion, I
don't know, household duties, how you look, what you, your makeup, your clothes, everything, what you say, what you don't say.
Yeah. A nice strategy is to say, let's imagine that it's an academic debate.
So, academic argument at university, for example, where people disagree with each other.
Then people express their views.
Other people insult each other.
So when they have an arrow, when they have an argument, they insult each other.
They use very bad words, offensive remarks.
They might not necessarily need to be bad words.
They could just be horrible things to say about people.
Or let's imagine it's a personality clash.
So you see kind of like, let's imagine it's a usual argument, an academic debate, a personality clash.
So if it's a personality clash, then, like, two people, they just don't match. I love that expression, a clash of personalities, because it completely absorbs anyone of any responsibility for anything.
It's just a personality clash.
It's not because one person was disorganized or because they did something wrong.
Yeah, or you can say that a clash of opinions.
So a situation when people's opinions are very different.
They like oppose each other.
And a clash is a fight.
Actually, it's C2, benign word, clash.
Yeah. So a clash, a fight or argument between people.
So, for example, like there were violent clashes between the police and people in the city center.
And it's a clash of opinions, a clash of personalities.
Some people use physical violence, so they get into a physical fight.
But other people start talking, they get past their ill feelings.
So get past ill feelings.
So kind of like leave bad feelings behind.
People avoid arguments because they don't want to confront other people.
Confront? To kind of to face, to face difficult situations.
Actually, confront is also a C2 level word. Really?
Again? Like, what a random word to have at C2 level.
I should say, I don't particularly plan what I'm going to say here.
Like, it should have band 9 or C2 level vocabulary in it.
That's amazing that such a small word can have such a high level It's like fireplace, so random So confront, deal with a difficult problem, situation Like people confront pollution We confront criminals And many people avoid arguing because they don't want to confront other people So to face, to deal with them, to explain what's going on So they feel uncomfortable comfortable or people dislike being confronted by other people i don't like being confronted by others i don't want other people to argue with me to tell me horrible things so yeah and what to do if you disagree with someone like what should people
do when they argue or when when they disagree with something.
So stay calm. Identify your goals, dear listener.
Like, what do you want out of this conversation?
Hear people out. So just listen to people.
Okay? Calmly. Try to understand them.
Express yourself respectfully.
Just say what you have to say, but in a calm, respectful manner.
How? How does that work, though?
This is such a hard thing for people to learn Because, of course, like I say Your brain stops working at 100 % capacity You have a reduced intellectual ability Yeah, that's why, you know When you are in an argument You should breathe Just close your eyes Breathe in, breathe out And then start speaking But if you feel emotions You should calm down And then speak You can't just tell people to calm down, though You've got to I really think this is a skill that we've got to practice in advance of it actually happening, because otherwise it could be a disaster.
Which reminds me, I did this when I was doing a teacher training thing once.
I told the participants, you have a task, and halfway through the task something is going to go wrong, and you will have to work together in order to overcome the problem.
if you cannot work together to do it then you will not be able to succeed and so because this was a completely manufactured situation the participants felt safer and they were more able to cope and exercise their ability to cooperate in high pressure situations rather than just randomly surprising them and expecting them to be able to get on with it so these kinds of practice activities can be useful for you.
If you're lucky enough to be a teacher, and I'm your teacher trainer.
Nice. Nice. I am so good with this emotional regulation.
I'm not, but that's, that's besides the point.
We hope that there'll be fewer arguments in your life, dear listener.
Stay calm, be nice, be friendly to people, breathe in, breathe out, and keep listening to our podcast. Bye.
Bye. with the venmo debit card you can venmo everything your favorite band's merch you can venmo this or their next show you can venmo that visit venmo .me slash debit to learn more the venmo mastercard is issued by the bank more bank and a pursuant to license by mastercard international incorporated card may be used everywhere mastercard is accepted then my purchase restrictions apply do you think arguments are important well that depends on what you are arguing over surely um If it's about a serious life -changing matter like financial affairs, then yes, one should have their side of things, or one
should argue their side of things, absolutely.
Or they could lose money and be less able to do things.
But if it's some sort of heated debate about some trivial thing like, what, leaving the toilet seat up?
Then I don't think that's something which needs to be the subject of a row.
do you think people should change the way they think when they have arguments i don't know if they can i think that's a thing about human psychobiology when you have a fight then your critical thinking shuts down and you want to defend your position to the last even if you're clearly in the wrong um i think the purpose of an argument might be to get the emotions dealt with first and then clear the air for more rational reflection and reconsideration Although that might be a very idealised way to think about it.
Is it easier to have arguments with your family or with your friends?
Well, surely that's contingent on what sort of family and friends you have. Groups of people can be incredibly inflexible and have the sort of, I don't know, groupthink mindset that prevents any opposing viewpoints from being given ear time.
If we have to pick one, though, maybe it's easier to disagree with your friends, since even if you fall out with them, you can find new friends.
It's hard to find a new family.
What do family members usually have arguments about?
I think anyone who has ever had a family will tell you there's no limit to the sort of things families get into arguments over.
As far as I'm aware, the most common ones are probably related to notions of respect and manners since young and old people generally have differing views on that.
So it makes sense that a home with older and younger people in it might suffer from that.
And what should people do when they disagree with someone?
Well, again, that depends on the kind of disagreement that we're having.
Let's imagine it's an academic debate.
Then you agree that you're not going to do things like insult each other.
You're going to stick to the focus of what the argument actually is.
but let's imagine it's some sort of interpersonal thing like a clash of personalities then i mean clearly escalating to physical violence is not great it's probably illegal in most countries so that's definitely something they shouldn't do but also afterwards they should probably think about it and think about a way to get past the ill feelings at least that seems to be what happens happens most of the time and seems like a good idea for the majority of cases.
But I don't know anything beyond that, to be honest with you.
That would be more culturally specific stuff.
Why do some people avoid arguing with others?
Well, having arguments is not exactly the most pleasant of experiences.
So it's probably just about avoiding the unpleasant feelings and also risking asking, raising tensions even further if you decide to confront someone about something, or if they confront you, or if they want to confront you.
I think it's more about avoiding problems than it is finding more effective solutions.
Although I imagine maybe there are more effective ways to solve problems than having arguments.
