These are my personal opinions, always seek a professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well being.
So I just asked my wife, what should I talk about on this episode?
Because I'm looking at the emails I receive, I'm looking at the Facebook group, the Overbone Brain Empowerment group and not many people are asking that many questions, I usually like to answer the questions I get in that group on the air.
And I decided that I'm gonna talk about something that my wife wants me to talk about.
Or at least I wanna ask her for an idea.
And she says, Why don't you talk about the fight we had yesterday?
And she said no, it really wasn't a fight but it was a good conversation.
And it got a little...
It got heated but it was productive it was productive after a long time but it was productive eventually and she said that it was a good conversation because it really highlights the importance of misunderstandings and misunderstanding another person where we had this thing we were going to do we were going to organize a drawer of cables a bunch of USB cables different ends in a few days previous she said let's go through this let's figure out which cables we want and which cables we don't and to get rid of the ones we don't want so we can minimize this space we don't need all these cables and I
agreed and it sounded great and so I said I'll definitely get to it and let's you know let's do it when we can so a few days went by and I told her in the morning I'm going to do those cables or at least I'll get to those cables.
And she said great.
So then the morning came and I noticed that she had already laid some out.
Like she had organized them or put them into piles and I said or at least I said to myself oh great she's already started this so let me go through the ones that I think we need or don't need and pull them out.
And as soon as I put two of those piles on the floor, she said, stop, stop and I said what?
And you know I told you I was gonna go over these.
What what's going on?
And she said don't touch those.
I organized those and they're in piles and I said I only pulled those two piles and put them on the floor so I can go through them.
I didn't mess up any of your piles and she said yes you did and I said no I didn't and I said look I I took this pile, put it there, and put the drawer down and put that pile in.
And she said, no. I had those stacked.
That one pile had several different piles.
And I didn't know that.
So I just put them on the floor and I might've combined them, I'm not sure.
It wasn't that many.
It was like, I don't know, a total of 10 cables.
But I thought it was like an excessive response.
That reaction like, stop.
And I just thought it was excessive.
That was going on in my mind, like, why is she so crazy right now?
And I didn't use that word crazy, but it was just so amplified.
There was a lot of forward, I told her this later, I said a lot of forward energy, a lot of, it felt belittling.
It felt like she was yelling at me like a child.
And that's when I said, I said, you don't have to talk to me or yell at me.
forget which one I used you don't have to yell at me like a child and I just walked away and I wasn't angry I just said you don't have to talk to me like that and I walked away and I wasn't storming out I just walked away and she thought about it she reflected on it and then she came in and where I was the kitchen she came into the kitchen and she said I'm having feelings about what we talked about and then she started to share and as soon as she started to share, she said, you know, I get upset when you don't listen to me.
And I said, I, I did listen to you.
I stopped, I stopped taking the piles down.
I didn't touch anything else and I get it.
I won't, I won't touch those and we can go over them together.
And she said, well, that's what I said a few days ago.
I wanted to go over them together.
I wanted to go through it together.
I said, I looked at the piles.
I thought you did your part.
So I was doing my part.
She said, No, you didn't listen to me.
And I told her, when you say I didn't listen.
That's not true. I did listen.
She said, I used very specific words.
I said, we should do these together.
We should do this process together.
She said that a few days ago.
And this was a very long conversation, but I told her I a hundred percent agree with what you said and she said yes but you eliminated or you disregarded two specific words we and together and I said no I did not eliminate those I was doing my part because you already did your part and so you can see there's already a misunderstanding of like and And this is what her words are.
You define we and together differently than I do.
And I said, no, I don't.
I get it. We're going to do something together.
Just like if we're going to tile the floors together, I'll put down the cement and you put down the tiles and I'll put down the grout.
And then we'll wash the top.
And there are different parts of a project that we will do together.
But we won't necessarily be side by side doing it.
And that's exactly her point.
And she said, I said, we will do this together.
We should do this together.
Or whatever. And I said, I agree with what you said.
I'm not saying that I didn't agree.
And you could tell again that this has some misunderstanding because I thought together meant it's a project that we're going to complete together, but not necessarily sit side by side looking at each one together.
and she said specifically that I did not listen to the words that she used together and we and that triggered me I said it's not that I didn't listen it's just that I thought you had done your part already and so you can you can tell these misunderstandings can happen in any conversation with anybody in your life and her foundational logic was that I wasn't listening or I chose to ignore a couple things or I just didn't validate what she said and that was her experience.
It was real for her and she was upset.
And my experience was of course I'm listening.
Why are you saying I'm not listening?
And that led to another like branch of the conversation.
Like when you say you don't listen, I said yes I do.
And she said well if you listened, we would have done this together and I said what I thought was together meant you did your part I did my heart because I already saw it was done and on and on I don't want to rehash the whole thing but it took a long time for us to finally understand what each other meant and also for her to get me in the sense that of course I listened I just thought you did something first and I was gonna do it second and she couldn't get past that and I couldn't get past her words of you don't listen.
And then we talked about the definition of listen and the difference between listen and hear.
And that's a rabbit hole I never want to go down again, but it was a good conversation because we could get amplified in our volume but it never reached a point of you're a bad person you're such a bitc you know why it never reached that point because and this is the key this is why I think we have a great way of arguing if you want to call it that the point is that we both listened even when we were interrupting We both listened to each other to try to get to the same point, to get to their reality.
She tried to understand my reality.
I tried to understand hers.
It's seeking to understand the other person's point of view.
And we just kept doing that while trying to argue our point.
And she really felt like I didn't listen.
like I just delete portions of the words that she's using and make up my own.
And she kept saying I was being defensive when I felt I was just honoring myself and saying, no, that's not true, and again, all of these little branches and rabbit holes that an argument or conversation can go down, the conversation did go down and every time it went down that, we had to bring it back we're getting off track she would say we're getting off track and so we finally got to the main point again which is how come you know this is her asking me how come you did those cables without me how come you started doing that and I reiterated at least three or four or five times that I thought
you had done your part and then she would come back to what what don't you get about doing it together and we and I would come back to I thought you did your part and that means we're doing it together just a minor thing just a minor difference and I mean to me and maybe not to her because it was upsetting to her but again I was still in at a place of why she was so upset which is I'm getting to my main point here my main point is the reason she was so upset which we finally got to because I did ask her this a it just I told her it didn't feel good to be talked down to like a child and she said
I wouldn't talk down to you like a child I'm not doing that I don't talk to a child that way and I said well you were talking to me like an adult acting like a child as if I should know better and so you were guiding me in that way or trying to guide me in that way or trying to discipline me or trying to whatever.
And she said that's not how I was talking to you, I was just frustrated.
And I asked her, what do you mean you were frustrated?
I mean, were you frustrated because I was doing it?
And I told her again, why I started it.
I had good intentions and she said, I know you had good intentions but I said, this was my plan.
I thought you had done it because it was already laid out.
In fact, I told her, you said we should do it together in what you meant as together is side -by -side and at the same time and when I saw some of these were already laid out it didn't make sense to me didn't make sense that some of this was already a laid out after you already told me we should do it together and so she got that she understood that in fact it helped her understand my point of view a little bit better but I was still I I was still confused as to why she was reacting so strongly.
In 11 minutes I've been describing this argument and just multiply that by three, or four, and that's how long it went on.
But we finally got to the point where she said, I took a lot of time separating those.
It took like 20 minutes to separate all those and get it ready for us.
I finally understood why she reacted so strongly.
It finally hit me. I got it now I got it now it makes sense.
That's my point, is that you may have a missing piece of information that describes or explains why somebody might be reacting the way they are.
what is that missing piece of information and it took us a long time to get there but once I understood that I said I told her and now I get it I totally understand now why you were upset it makes sense now it didn't make sense before because they're just cables that was in my head they're just cables what's the big deal will we'll go over them there's only like 20 or 25 here.
Not a big deal in my mind.
In her mind, it was a very big deal.
She already spent time on it.
Her time, her energy, anything that she could have been doing otherwise, she chose to do this instead.
So she invested her time and energy into that.
So her upset wasn't about the cables.
It wasn't about, hey, let's do this together.
I mean, that was part of it.
It was about the fact that I I was changing the piles.
I was moving them something she already invested her time and energy into and destroying her work.
I was destroying the time and energy that she put into her that 20 minutes that she put into it for us to organize something in our house.
I was destroying, I mean, that was in my belief her perception and that's how she conveyed it to me.
and I got it I finally got it and I said that makes perfect sense I'm so sorry and it was hard to say I'm sorry before because it's hard to say you're sorry when you don't feel like you did anything wrong and you also know that your intentions were good it's hard to say you're sorry when you know your intentions were good and you were doing exactly what you thought you should be doing.
That's the dilemma I was in.
And she also believed that she was 100 percent right.
And for some reason, she thought that I must have ignored her, ignored her words like, let's do this together.
And it took us a long time to get to that point where we finally understood each other.
I don't ever. I told her this and she told me this.
I don't ever want to talk like this again.
I don't ever want to get into something so deep that we don't understand each other, and our emotions get amplified, and our words get twisted, or we don't understand the foundational concept that we are building our point or our argument on.
It reminds me of that old timey song.
I don't know what it's called.
I guess it's called Hole in the Bucket.
If you haven't heard this song.
There's a hole in the bucket dear Eliza it goes on and on about this hole in the bucket he says there's a hole in the bucket she says well fix it and he says well how shall I fix it and she says well use an axe to cut some straw or something like that and it goes on and on where he finally decides to okay I'll do what you say I'll use this axe to cut this straw or whatever he was cutting a cork or whatever.
And he realized that the axe was too dull.
How do I sharpen it, dear Eliza?
And she says, Well, use a stone a wet stone and he says, Well, how am I gonna wet it?
And she says, Well, get some water.
And he said, How shall I fetch the water?
And she said, just use the bucket.
And he goes back to, there's a hole in the bucket, Dear Eliza, dear Eliza.
And it's a fun song, but it's also a great example of futility and also a great example of a very unresourceful man who can't figure out how to fix a hole in the bucket without being able to sharpen his axe, but it's a good example of what I was just talking about, How you can get into this cyclical thing, this cycle of negativity, of coming back around to something that just doesn't make sense to either of you.
She says, get some water.
He says there's a hole in the bucket.
And so now we're stuck.
How are we gonna get past this?
And of course we're in this very small box of thinking when we're in an argument or in a heated conversation.
And it does take a lot of self -awareness and conscientiousness to allow other possibilities in.
And this is something that Ashu was telling me.
She said, you should talk about this on your next episode and how some people like us and other people may think they're talking about one thing with a concept in mind while they're really talking about maybe that same thing with a different concept in mind for example I need to light the campfire well here's a match I can't light the campfire with a match and now you have an argument what do you mean you can't light a campfire with a match I'm giving you fire yeah but there's wood and and there's I don't have enough straw and and leaves and whatever you put in the campfire.
And then we'll take this match and just light something, put it under the wood and you should be able to do it.
And then there might be an argument.
Well, I can't just do it with one match. It might not, the flame might go out.
And then the counter argument might be, we'll light something else and keep that on fire.
And where is this going?
It doesn't go anywhere.
And it might get somewhere eventually, but it's the same idea.
like the one person can't figure out why the other person can't light a fire with a match. And the person who is being given the match can't understand how the person who believes that all it takes is one match, they can't understand why they don't get it.
You can't just use a match, you need other things.
Maybe I need, you know, some newspaper or whatever.
Again, there's not enough information from either side, So, how do you get that information?
This is something that Asha said.
She said, next time this happens, when you hear me, have this emotional reaction.
Because she admitted that she had a charged emotional reaction.
She said, next time, just ask me what's going on.
That's what she said.
Ask me, what's going on?
and the reaction sounds pretty strong.
I don't think there's anything that I'm doing wrong here.
Of course, she might still have a strong reaction to that.
But she said, at least we can get to the foundational reason why I'm having this emotional reaction in the first place.
Because the first reaction to an emotional reaction might be another emotional reaction.
For me, it was another emotional reaction.
and hey, you don't have to treat me like a child.
And for her, she's just saying, hey, you're screwing up my work.
It took me 20 minutes to do that.
Those words didn't come out of her.
And I'm not blaming her for that.
I definitely take responsibility for my part of this.
And she took responsibility for her part because it was just a misunderstanding.
We did not understand the foundation of each other's logic and argument.
So the resolution was just to ask, why are you reacting so strongly?
That would have been probably the resolver of this.
It would have resolved the issue.
Why are you reacting so strongly to this?
It's just cables. I could have said that.
But instead I popped into self protection, standing up for myself.
She called it defensiveness, I call it standing up for myself and self -respect and whatever it was, whatever it is, It would have been avoided if I just asked the question what's going on?
Why are you having such a strong reaction?
That would help get to the heart of it and this doesn't mean it's her fault or my fault, it's just something that we missed even after 10 years of being together.
We missed it. We have the occasional heated conversation and very rarely an art like a real argument like screaming back and forth I think it happened once in 10 years but the good news is after an argument we always talk about how we could avoid it next time do you ever do that with people you love you ever talk about how you can avoid this next time or does it just get swept under the rug and you hope it never comes up again because when that happens it comes up again sometimes in worst ways sometimes in slow drip -fed ways like passive aggressive comments and things like that so when you don't
address how to avoid something again then that stress and tension and all that negativity gets stored inside of you for next time so that means it will happen again and I I hate that feeling I never want that feeling.
And so Asha and I kind of have this understanding that when the argument's over, the argument's over which means we came to a new understanding.
We learned something.
And we were talking just before this episode, she said it's I think it's important to learn at least one thing that we could take away from a conversation or an argument.
What can we take away?
And that takeaway has to be, how can I show up better next time?
And you both have to play this game.
It can't be one person's game where, how can you show up better next time because I didn't do anything wrong?
It can't be that. If it's that, then it's lopsided.
That's not a relationship that is a relationship sinking ship.
It is not going to last. It's listening.
It's sinking into the emotional water and the more it sinks the worse the relationship feels and the worse the conversations or arguments go and the longer that goes on for the more love dissolves.
So if you have one person who refuses to back down and refuses to take responsibility and refuses to see that they did anything wrong and that happens often then that's what you end up with is an unbalanced relationship and this is something Asha said she said you're always defensive you're always defensive and you always make excuses I said you know I've done that I've done that in the past I've been triggered my inner child is worried or in fear and I I've done those things but this time I feel pretty good in myself I'm not that I constantly feel good in myself, sometimes I don't, but this time
I feel pretty good.
I'm not afraid, I'm not acting from the inner child, like a scared little boy who didn't have any power, I'm acting from a place of feeling good and knowing I don't deserve to be talked to that way by anyone, not just you.
I'm not trying to be righteous or right, I'm just, I told her standing up for myself And she said well, it looks like defensiveness.
I said sometimes it is but this time it's not This is another way we argue is that we try to be honest Even if it's hard we try to be honest like oh like she said something and I said, that's fair What you just said is fair.
I get that and that analogy works Which is me backing down?
and I I listen for those things.
If she says something that is valid, why she said, well, what if I came to your office and you had all these things laid out in your desk and you were you spent a lot of time organizing those things, and I just came over and I just put them on the floor.
And I said that would be upsetting.
I said what are you doing?
That's what I would say.
What are you doing?
I just took all that time and energy to put those things together.
What What are you doing?
And she said, that's how I feel.
And that was another aha moment.
Oh, oh, now I understand.
I think that was my I get it moment.
Now I get it. What you're saying is that you put all this time and energy into that.
And it wasn't that we weren't necessarily doing it together, it was that I was ruining your work.
Yes, I get it. She gave me another analogy that was great, she said.
What if you went to your workbench downstairs and you had all these screws laid out and all these nails and different shapes and sizes?
And you organized them all and you told me just go down there and take what you want from each pile or take the ones you don't think we'll need or something like that and so She goes down and this is her telling me she goes down and she sees one pile of six piles because this is the analogy.
See she had one pile that had six things in it and they were all a different pile for each one and I had that same thing going on and then she just put them all together 50 screws 75 nails she put them all together and then she said what would happen if you came down and saw that I did that?
And I said oh I already know what I would say and she said what would you say?
I put my hands up to my face and I said, oh no, what did you do?
I had all of those organized.
I had all of those in separate piles.
She said, I can actually see you doing that, I get it.
She said I get it now.
She said I get why you might be upset or unhappy with the way I reacted, because I can absolutely see you doing that and not yelling at me or being upset and pointing your finger and saying, what are you doing?
I know nothing like that.
And that was like another realization of the argument, is that when she gets upset, it's a very outward, forward pushing at you energy.
And when I get upset, it's a very inward energy.
She pushes out and I pull it in.
Maybe not at the same time, but in a similar situation, I'm going to go inward and go, oh no. And I'm just thinking of the work I have to do to fix it.
Where she sees her work getting ruined and says, what are you doing?
No, no, no. She stops it in its tracks.
and so you know slightly different scenario, but it made us both realize in that moment that because her energy is outward and my energy is inward, we react to things differently.
She said we're two different people.
I agree. We're two different people who react differently.
So when she has an outward what I would call assertive or even aggressive reaction toward me it doesn't mean it's about me, it's aimed toward me but it doesn't mean it's about me and that's one of the bigger lessons I took is that her frustration, her upset wasn't necessarily to put me in my place or put me down it was watching her work go down the toilet and that was a lot of work I mean 20 minutes sure that's not a big deal and just a few cables it's not a big deal but she felt slighted she felt like I was invalidating that work or dismissing it or minimizing it.
And just didn't care.
Which was totally not the case, and she knows that.
She knows that that wasn't the case.
She knew I wasn't doing that, she knew I had good intentions, but she felt minimized.
And I'm sure that has happened before.
She even said that, she said that this has happened so often in my relationships.
So there was probably some buildup in her, but I'm not putting that on her.
I'm not saying well that's why she did it.
I'm saying this, I'll treat this moment as the moment we're in.
But that was very important for me to know so I know how to approach her next time.
I know how to understand her better.
It's only been 10 years.
This way should be with somebody a long time to get to know them better but I understand her better, I understand that her energy goes outward but it's still about what she's experiencing inside of her.
My energy goes inward and it's still about what I'm experiencing inside of me.
She understands that about me better.
We just understand each other better and it took...
what was it? I hate to divulge this, but I think it was over an hour and a half of a conversation that we had about this.
And when I say conversation, I mean a very amplified voice.
One moment she get really mad then she came back because we know we're to be honest with each other, we're going to express ourselves no matter what it takes.
I look at a relationship as you express honesty even at the cost of the relationship that sounds scary, it sounds dangerous but it absolutely increases bonding.
When you express honesty at the, I shouldn't say at the cost but at the the possible cost of the relationship.
meaning if you have a hard truth that you want to share that may actually cost the relationship when you share that truth you're going to go in one of two directions you're either going to break up if it's a romantic relationship you're really going to break up or your relationship's going to be twice as strong after that My curiosity's never gotten the best of me yet.
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That is a gamble I can live with honestly, because I would rather have somebody be able to share their hard truths than to hide them.
I even had a conversation yesterday with somebody in my healed being program.
he said that he would get upset about his wife talking to somebody that she knows and so she would start hiding her conversations with that person from him and he realized when he was telling me that him being or I think he realized this him getting upset at his wife for talking to somebody that she wanted to talk to and I don't think that person was a threat to their relationship I think that person was just friends with his wife, he got upset and he would, you know, try to control or try to interfere or whatever.
And so she started hiding her conversations with this person from him.
And so that got worse and worse over time, and it got to a blowup.
But he joined the program after he realized he was being emotionally abusive.
And he also realized, well, of course, she's going to hide these conversations from me because I am unwilling to accept truths that I don't want to hear I don't want to hear about her talking to another person because it makes me insecure or jealous or whatever it did and so he would get upset and so she would hold back her truths she would hold back and not tell him because life was easier not having to deal with his reaction and so their marriage could go on without having to have this conversation, which she felt probably meant nothing to the relationship but meant a lot to him.
But he couldn't let it go.
And she wanted to have this friend and on and on.
So he told me, wow, I realized that not only do I have to allow her to have friends, I just have to allow her to do whatever she wants and support doing whatever she wants, which is part of what I teach. He was already learning this at a very fast pace.
He said, I need to support her.
I need to tell her it's okay, and I won't be upset about that anymore." He won't show upset, and he'll work on that, he says, but he said that, um, I'm doing the opposite now.
I don't want to hold her back from talking to who she wants to talk to and sharing things with other people because the person I was was only distancing her from me was only causing her to hide things from me.
I caused that. My perspective is that he realized he caused it.
He caused her to hide things.
He caused her to lie and I know there are people listening now that say you shouldn't hide things and you shouldn't lie even if the other person causes it or even if you believe the other person causes it.
But this is what happens.
this is what happens in relationships is that we become afraid of telling the people we care about something honest that we know that will upset them because we don't want to deal with their reaction and there's a perfectly legitimate reason to not tell somebody that would be upset by these things of course but this is more a message for those who have trouble with hard truths it's so important to be able to talk about these hard truths and allow somebody to share things with you that might be so hard that yes it could ruin the relationship but if it doesn't ruin the relationship it makes it stronger
and when you share things that make the relationship stronger the relationship only grows stronger so the harder things that you share or any hard thing that you share Later, the relationship can survive it.
It is resilient. And when you have a resilient relationship, you can discuss almost anything and get through it, especially when you are being honest with each other and allowing the other person to be themselves.
One of my main teachings in that program, healed being.
And when you allow somebody to be themselves, they will want to be around you more typically.
when you allow somebody to be who they are.
To talk to whoever they want to talk to have their own friends.
When you allow this and allow is a bad word. But, you know, I don't want it to be like something you're giving permission for.
But you're giving somebody the freedom to be themselves, you're giving them the gift of that freedom for them to be able to say I can do whatever I want, and this person I'm with supports that.
that means I want to be with that person because they support me being with whoever I want and talking to whoever I want and because that feels so supportive I feel a stronger connection to that person and so I want to be with people who let me be myself.
That's what happens when you share hard truths and and your relationship survives it.
And it is a risk of, I know.
But I would rather take the risk of being honest with somebody I love to find out if the relationship is strong enough to survive it than to hide things from each other.
That sucks. I've been in that situation where I've had to hide things from the person I was with, not because of their reaction, But because of my fear and this is kind of the opposite I had a fear of telling somebody who wasn't going to have a huge negative reaction at all or if they did We could probably get through it But I was so afraid of confrontation that I didn't want to face that I didn't want to face the music So I didn't say anything and This is what happens when you're in a relationship where you choose to hide things the relationship develops a sense of suspicion.
The other person starts suspecting things because you're hiding things because we all have the ability to read nonverbals.
Nonverbals are the unconscious movements that we make and the unconscious thoughts that we have when someone's talking to us or someone's motioning around us, using their hands, choosing their body and the the inflection in their voice.
All of this is unconscious.
Like when I raise my voice high, you can hear something.
There's a message there.
When I make it really low, there's a message there too.
It's coming in. So if I'm telling you about something I did last night and my voice is really low, I don't even have to say what I did, it almost sounds like I'm either sad or afraid or something, but there's something there because the message comes through And the less truthful you are with somebody that I believe you're supposed to be truthful with, the more suspicion occurs in the relationship you know by the other person they suspect something like I don't understand they seem upset but they're not saying it or they seem happier than normal and they're not saying why or they seem worried
about something and they're not telling you or they tell me something else and there's an incongruence it's like their body language doesn't match their verbal language.
There's something going on here and that suspicion grows.
This is why things like betrayal, infidelity doesn't last in a relationship.
It's hard to continue being the infidel in a relationship because there's a lot unspoken but it's felt and this is when the other person has a gut instinct.
There's something going on and I don't know how I can tell but I know something's wrong or I know something's going on and so they either follow up on it and check up on the person or they don't and they live in suspicion.
Again, I hate that feeling.
I never want to live in suspicion.
I want to know so we might have to have an honest conversation.
We might have to have a truthful conversation.
Let's talk about this.
Let's bring it out in the open.
That's why I'm okay coming on the air telling you that hey you know I teach all this stuff on communication and how to get along with people and I teach a lot of stuff but I still have these issues I still have these arguments things still happen to me that will probably continue happening to me for the rest of my life which is probably why this show will last a long time and I'm gonna come on the air and tell you what I learned even Even though I have like 20 years of what I've learned in my experience and my own healing in my training, all of this stuff that I've learned, you still have challenges
that come up and how you deal with those challenges is how you get through and hopefully have no lingering negative emotions that are stuck with you so that you can move forward and not have to hold on to what just happened or what happened 10 years ago or when you were a child because when you hold on to these things when there's still something lingering inside of you it comes out either verbally or non -verbally consciously or unconsciously.
What is going on inside of us does get recognized is felt by other people or seen in ways they can't explain or can explain and then what someday you'll end up in an argument and you won't realize why you're arguing until you get to that foundational understanding of what the arguments really about with Asha the argument we had yesterday was really about all the work I just ruined and my side was really about how I don't want especially my wife.
And so we both had legitimate reasons and we were both trying to get our point across, but she was on her side.
I was on my side. And all I had to do, I know I put this on me.
All I had to do was ask, why this reaction?
Why are you acting so strongly about this?
And again, I do know that could lead to another type of heated argument.
But that's the kind of hard truths I want to talk about.
I hope this helps you in some way today.
I don't know if it does but I wanted to share that with you, give you a slice of what can happen in even the best relationships I consider ours the best. I'm not saying it's the best in the world but definitely the best in this house.
Yeah, we're doing great.
But that is, you know, the arguments, the conversations, thankfully they're infrequent but sometimes they need to happen so we can get to a new level of strengthening the relationship of bonding.
Because our relationship has become so resilient because we've been so honest with each other and just saying these hard truths knowing that some of the things that we talk about could risk the relationship, but as you do that more and more it becomes less of a risk and more of just a hard conversation that's going to make your bonding even stronger again hopefully this has been helpful thank you for listening to another episode of the overwhelmed brain you heard me mention healed being that is a program that I run for people who are doing emotionally abusive behavior and want to stop and give
their relationship the best chance of healing you can find that over at healed being calm and I'm helping over thousands of people over there now so If that's something you need, head over to healedbeing .com.
And for a show on how to navigate difficult relationships and deal with emotional abuse and manipulation and control, head over to my other podcast called Love and Abuse over at loveandabuse .com.
Lots more talk about over there.
And with that, always keep your mind open because that's how you make the best decisions.
And be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want.
always take steps to grow and evolve.
You are powerful beyond measure and above all and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you.
You are amazing.
