This is an All Ears English podcast, Fine or Okay?
How Taylor Swift's lyrics teach the difference.
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We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.
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What is the difference between saying I'm fine and I'm okay?
It seems simple, but it's not.
Get the details today.
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We're all out of the ordinary.
Hey Aubrey, how are you today?
I'm okay.
How are you?
You're okay.
All right.
Okay.
I'll take that.
So, Aubrey, what would be different if you said, I'm fine?
I mean, yeah.
This is really interesting.
I'm excited to dive into this today because they are different.
They're especially depending on your tone, right?
Because I could say, I'm okay.
Or, Okay.
Like you can really add a lot of tone to share really if you're okay or not.
Tone matters so much.
We can't just listen to the vocabulary words, right?
But this is actually inspired by...
A Taylor Swift song.
I know The Life of a Showgirl just came out, but this actually isn't from that album.
This is from her new version, Taylor's version of All Too Well, which was a 10 minute song like the original song, and then she had cut it down.
And there's a lyric that says, I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all.
And when I first heard that it really made me think, because native English speakers and English learner's we sort of have a tendency to think of okay and fine, as really similar kind of interchangeable.
I'm okay, I'm fine.
But this line in this song kind of points out the fact that they actually have pretty different meanings.
Yeah, and we want to know the right context to use each one.
I know a lot of people learn when they're in school, learning English from a very young age.
You know how are you?
I'm fine.
Exactly.
And it's kind of the, that's just sort of the giveaway.
Like if you don't really want to get into it, we'll just be like, I'm fine.
No one's going to ask for details.
That's more just like...
We don't want to talk about it.
That's why it's so erroneous that we learn that so early, because that's generally not really what you want to say, right?
You want to engage in a conversation with the person.
You don't want to feel like you're closing the door on someone.
Exactly.
Interesting.
So we're going to dive into not only what this means when you say, I'm okay and I'm fine.
But we're also going to talk about what it means when you say to someone you're okay or you're fine, which this is really interesting.
These have very different meanings as well.
Yes.
I'm excited to get into that.
All right.
Well, good stuff.
So let's start with I'm okay.
I mean, what should we make of that, Aubrey?
Yeah.
So and this will change depending on tone, but it really sort of means like not great but not terrible.
I'm okay.
Right.
This tone will change the implication of how positive or negative this is.
We can say, I'm okay, and it can sound like, actually, I'm really bad.
Yeah.
Okay.
Tone is everything in this.
Everything.
Right?
Right.
Yeah.
So let's do a little mini role play.
And I'll first give that first intonation where I'm saying okay, but I really I mean like I'm not great.
Not so good.
And I'm gonna recognize that in your tone of voice.
So here we go.
Hey, how are you?
I'm okay.
Oh, man, what's going on?
Anything I can help with?
Nice.
And this is really the perfect response for connection, because if someone is honest with their tone that way, even if they're saying I'm okay, They are inviting you to help to ask about it.
Because otherwise, like you said, Lindsay, we'll just say this throwaway.
I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm fine.
If we don't want to get into it.
Or they might move on with a new topic or something.
Yeah, good point.
I love it.
So if we're looking for the connection moment, which we always are on this show, that's it right there, right.
Follow up with a good question.
Okay, let's do another mini roleplay.
And here, the answer, it'll be a more positive tone.
Let's hear what that sounds like.
Hey, how are you?
I'm okay.
Yeah, busy week.
Yeah.
And then it could just go from there.
Right.
And it's interesting if they don't, if a person does not want you to ask like follow up details, they would say something else.
They probably wouldn't even.
Yeah.
Or they would say like, I'm OK.
What about you?
Yeah.
They're going to immediately flip it to you if they don't really want to get into it.
Yeah, because sometimes people just have a lot of drama going on in their lives and they're bored of talking about it.
They just don't want to talk about their own drama.
They just want to know about the other person.
So yeah, be ready for that.
You want to be honest.
You're like, I'm okay.
What about you?
You just immediately switch it to them.
We don't want to get into it.
All right.
Now let's flip.
Let's change gears over to I'm fine.
Tell us about this one, Aubrey.
Yeah.
So this is more positive than I'm OK.
Right.
It means good, but still not amazing.
Better than OK.
And again, the tone will change.
And how fine you are depends on the tone you're using.
Yeah.
So let's see what we get in terms of tone from you here.
So, hey, how are you?
I'm fine.
Yeah.
Tough week, right?
Because maybe I've, you know, just been slammed at work.
And so I'm being a little more honest here in my tone of like, yeah, I'm Fine.
Yeah, there's something there.
Right.
And so I'm going to dig into it just a little bit and maybe make a small assumption and throw it out there by thinking maybe you had a tough week and you can let me know.
You kind of just have to respond somehow.
We have to say something.
Right.
And so I said, yeah, tough week.
It doesn't really matter what you say as long as you open that space for the person.
That's such a good point.
If someone is using a tone that is sharing that really they're not fine at all.
It would be strange and awkward and uncaring to just move on and not ask.
You know what's going on.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So in this next role play, you have just injured your ankle, which is not a fun thing.
So maybe we're playing tennis together and I fall.
You see that I've injured my ankle.
So this will go a little bit differently.
You're going to ask me if I'm okay.
All right.
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine.
I think I just rolled it.
Oh, I'll grab an ice pack.
Yeah.
So this is interesting too.
When we'll often say I'm fine to say like, I'm not extremely injured.
So if, like the bone were sticking, if I were really, you know, a broken ankle, really serious I wouldn't, probably wouldn't say I'm fine.
I'd be like, no, no, no.
Get me to the hospital.
Yeah.
You call the ambulance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So here, of course, you're not saying I'm having a nice day.
Right.
You're not you're not addressing your mood.
You're just addressing the injury.
Right.
Right.
Right.
And what's really interesting.
I thought about this for a while how we use okay and fine differently.
We would never say, are you fine to check on someone's health or an injury?
We do say, are you okay?
Are you okay?
But we wouldn't say, are you fine?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We say that a lot.
Are you okay?
So common.
So common.
Or everything okay.
Or maybe are you all right?
But I think the most common is, are you okay?
It's Are you okay?
Yeah.
Which this is so interesting?
Because if you're thinking of okay and fine as being super similar, we use them in the same context.
You probably would ask someone, are you fine after they're injured?
And because fine has such a more positive connotation, we wouldn't say this, right?
You're not fine if you just really hurt yourself.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So important to know these nuances.
This is a great topic today.
Yes.
I'll see you next time.
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We're all out of the ordinary.
All right.
So let's get into other ways we might use these phrases to actually send a message to people.
This is interesting.
So when we say I'm OK or I'm fine, this has a very different meaning than when we say you're OK or you're fine.
And these have very specific context, too.
Yes.
So, for example, we might say this you're okay to encourage someone again to keep them from panicking, like we said right.
So, for example, a good example of this is just on Saturday my nephew, my partner's nephew, came over nephew and niece and my dog went up to him.
And he's little.
He's like four years old.
My dog went up and knocked him over and he like fell against the door.
And you could see in his eyes he was like about to cry or trying to decide whether to cry.
And my partner stepped in like, oh, you're OK.
You know, or good job, Aiden.
Good job.
Good job.
You just got knocked over by a dog.
Good job or something like that.
Just so he wouldn't respond in that way of, oh, my gosh, I was hurt.
You know, exactly.
I used to say this to my kids all the time.
And they like would look at me to see if they how upset they should be.
And if I'm like, you're OK, jump up, then then they would not cry.
They'd be like, OK, I'm OK.
But otherwise, you might have a whole crying session, right?
Yeah.
Exactly.
So it's interesting.
We'll say you're okay to keep someone from panicking, even if it's an adult that has just like broken their leg.
Someone be like, you're okay.
You're going to be okay.
Or everything is going to be okay.
Yeah.
You see this on TV dramas.
Maybe someone does come in with the bone sticking out of their leg, but you might have the nurse say still say something.
Or or a family member say you're going to be okay.
Right.
Exactly.
Right.
Or those hospital dramas and the doctor's like, yeah, it's fine.
You know, you're going to be okay.
It's going to, it's, or it's going to be okay.
It's another thing we might hear.
So there are a lot of little mini role play here.
Yeah.
I just broke my leg.
So this is a more serious injury here.
OK, so it's just happened and I say, oh, no, I think it's broken.
Can you see the bone?
I can't look.
I'm like panicking.
You're OK.
It's going to be OK.
Let me help you.
Right.
So, yeah, because, yeah, panic probably isn't good for an injury.
Right.
All that adrenaline to keep them calm.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So here's what's interesting.
We're going to contrast this to your fine. which we have to be really careful with the tone.
And we won't use this nearly as often when someone's injured.
It can be dismissive or condescending.
Someone's hurt and we're like, you're fine.
You're fine.
I'm not fine.
I'm hurt.
Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure.
So what do you, do you find yourself using this with your kids Aubrey sometimes?
Yes.
I will say this if they're like complaining or whining, I'd be like you're going to be fine or you're fine.
But I wouldn't say this to an adult.
It's very, it does sound patronizing or condescending.
I wouldn't say it if someone's injured and I wouldn't say it to an adult.
Like we do treat kids a little more.
Well, an adult usually wouldn't be like whining and complaining.
No, hopefully not.
Yeah.
You wouldn't have that same scenario where it would merit saying that hopefully.
Um, yeah, that's so true.
Let's, let's do an example of what not to do in this role play.
So are you ready?
Yes.
All right.
Oh, I think I just sprained my wrist.
You're fine.
Imagine.
Right.
We don't say this when someone's injured.
And I could say you're OK if I'm like letting her like it's not you know, it's not that serious.
You're going to be OK.
So fascinating how like that one works.
But your fine sounds condescending.
That is really because you're okay.
It makes it sound like we're going to further address this, but you're fine.
It sounds like you're closing the door on it and moving on.
Why are you complaining?
You're fine.
Move on, get up and keep playing, you know?
Or even for something more minor, maybe we're at the beach, right?
Let's show what we should not do.
If I jump in, I'm like, oh, wow, the water is so cold.
Oh, you're fine.
Yeah.
So this is.
I'm kind of complaining as an adult about the cold water, but like another adult wouldn't be like you're fine.
Because it's very dismissive.
It's dismissive, though, with that one, I think it's a little more benevolent.
Like, you could probably say it like to your adult sister or something, right?
Like, if you have a close relationship, maybe you're fine.
Just get your head underwater.
You'll be okay.
Maybe, but it is sort of a little critical of them being like a baby.
Depends on your relationship.
Depends.
Right, right, right.
Okay.
Let's do a full role play now.
So we are friends meeting at a park and we're going to go running.
Okay.
All right.
I'll start us out.
Yes.
Hey, Lindsay, you look a little stressed.
Is everything okay?
Ooh, yeah, I'm okay.
I guess it's just been a long week.
My car broke down and I had friends visiting from out of town.
So it was terrible timing.
Oh no, I'm sorry to hear it.
Were you able to get your car fixed?
Yeah, it's fine now.
I had to get a rental while I was in the shop.
On top of all that, we're playing soccer and my friend that's visiting sprained her ankle.
Wow, crazy.
Is she okay?
Yeah, she thought it was broken and freaked out.
I was trying to calm her down saying, you're okay.
It's going to be okay.
We took her to get it x-rayed and they gave her a brace.
She's been on crutches the past few days.
What a week.
What about you?
Hopefully your week has been nothing like mine.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I've had a bit of a hectic week too, but nothing like what you've been going through.
Yeah.
So, okay.
So let's go through this.
And so the first thing, so you asked me, you seemed, you said you look a little stressed.
Is everything okay?
And I said, I'm okay, I guess.
Right.
And that I guess is very important.
I'm going to give you more now.
Exactly.
Right.
And if you didn't, I would ask, oh, man, what's what's going on?
Yeah.
And this is where they're a little more interchangeable.
If you're saying I'm OK or I'm fine with a little bit of a tone, maybe you're going to give more information.
There are a lot of instances here where we would not say, are you fine or you're fine?
Right.
Totally.
100%.
And then what did I say after that?
Yeah.
So then it's interesting as you read this, you're like, it's been a long week.
My car broke down.
I had friends visiting from out of town.
I was tempted to say, you're fine.
Just to feel how bad that would feel, right?
If someone's sharing how negative things are going or how negatively or if they're injured, right?
I feel like that would have led to a fight.
We couldn't do that one time, have the role plays lead to a fight, a little fight between friends.
It would be kind of fun to see what they say.
But yeah, you wouldn't say you're fine there.
Instead, I said, Oh, no, I'm sorry to hear it.
Right?
Someone's sharing with me that they're upset.
They've had this terrible week.
The last thing I want to do is say, you're fine. be pretty funny, though.
But yeah, do not say that.
That would be really bad here.
And then you're asking how the car is.
Was it fixed?
And I said, yeah, it's fine now.
Right.
And then I explained I had to get a rental.
I have a whole drama to tell you about here.
Right.
Yes.
And I said, you're talking about your friend that hurt their ankle.
And I said, oh, is she OK?
And I wouldn't say, is she fine?
When we're asking about an injury.
This is sort of putting too positive of a spin on it to say is she fine?
Right.
That's a really good point.
This is a real subtle, nuanced difference between fine and okay.
It doesn't apply to injuries.
It just doesn't work in that case.
Although I guess if you said, is she okay?
I could say again, yeah, she's fine now.
I could say that.
Yeah, if she is fine, everything's okay.
But I wouldn't, if I'm asking, and I don't know, for all I know, she's hurt really badly.
I wouldn't say, is she fine?
Right.
No, no, no.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
Because you're like leaning in the direction of she's fine.
If you say that, is she fine?
I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that she might not be okay.
Right.
It's like you're asking, can we move on to another topic?
Exactly.
That's kind of what it sounds like.
Do we really need to be talking about that?
She's fine, right?
Let's talk about something else.
So bad.
And then you said, I said, I was trying to calm her down saying, you're okay.
It's going to be okay.
Right.
So here I'm reporting my own speech.
Right.
Exactly.
So when she was hurt, this would be what you would say.
You're okay.
It's going to be okay.
It's just to keep her calm.
Yeah.
Yep.
And then what's the last use of fine?
Yeah.
And you were saying, I hope your week's been better than mine.
And I was like, yeah, I'm fine.
I've had a crazy week.
But right.
So I'm I could just be like, I'm fine.
And then keep asking you things.
But I'm sharing a little bit here.
But I kind of love this connection skill at the end here.
Even if we've had like a tough week, if the person we're talking to is sharing all this negativity, we don't want to one up how bad things were.
This would be not great.
Yeah.
I mean, unless there's been something that's actually happened and they have to know like there's been, like a death or something like you have to share that if it's a close friend, but if it's just like little things that you don't want.
Or it's a similar week.
If you've kind of had like similar stuff going on.
Yeah.
You would just, it kind of undermines all of the support and care you're sharing.
If you're like, well, let me tell you about my week.
Yeah, and I think we actually did an episode on that, Aubrey.
Yeah, don't be a one-upper, right?
That was a good one.
Scroll back if you missed it or maybe search one-upper in the app.
Yep, yep, yep.
I love it.
All right, Aubrey, where should we leave our listeners today?
This has been a really rich episode just by looking at one simple line of a song.
Exactly right.
Fine and okay have quite different meanings, and there's so much implied depending on which one you choose.
So I'm excited we were able to share these tips with role plays and examples, so you know which one to use.
Yeah, because these tiny little words can be great for connection or detrimental for connection, if we don't know which one to use in the right moment.
Absolutely.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Really interesting.
All right guys hit, follow if you love our style here, on All Ears English and we'll be back very soon.
Awesome.
See you next time.
All right.
Take care.
Bye.
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