This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 277 Three Strategies to Remember Someone's Name in English with Alan Headbloom.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast where you'll finally get real native English conversation and fluency for business and life.
We believe in connection, not perfection, when it comes to learning English.
Now here are your hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Boston and New York City, USA.
In today's episode, you'll meet our guest Alan Headbloom, and he'll show you three strategies to remember someone's name in English.
You'll also learn the most common names in American culture and why it's important to remember them to connect with people.
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Hey guys, welcome to All Ears English.
Today we have a special guest on our show.
Our guest today is an intercultural trainer, a professional English teacher, and a talk show host.
He frequently appears as a speaker on topics such as cultural diversity and workplace inclusion.
He lives in Michigan USA, where he and his wife produce the show Feel Like You Belong, a show about immigrants creating a new life in the US.
Our guest is here today to talk about how to connect with people by remembering their names.
Our guest is Alan Hedbloom.
Hey, Alan, welcome.
Thanks, Lindsay.
Lindsay, it's a real pleasure to be with you.
Yeah, I'm so excited to have you on the show.
We've been wanting to have you on the show for about a year and a half now, so I'm glad you're finally here.
And I'm excited to talk to you today about why it's so important, especially in American culture, to remember people's names.
Why do you think that is, Alan?
Well, if you think about it, Lindsay, it's really our most basic possession.
It's our identity ever since we were children, our parents and others called us by this name.
And there's an old saying that goes, the sweetest sound to the human ear is that of one's own name.
I love that quote.
And it is so true because I know in my experience, when I talk with someone just like this here today, we're using each other's names.
It really makes you feel closer to the person.
It makes you feel like you're being recognized as a human being, doesn't it?
Absolutely.
And Lindsay, I have a funny story to share with you on this topic.
When I was out in public with my daughter's.
They needed to catch my attention, but I was distracted and I couldn't hear them calling ìDad.
Dad!
Dad!î Then they switched to, ìAlan!î I immediately turned around to see what they were calling me.
Itís strange in American culture for kids to address their parents by their first names.
In this, they figured out how to get my attention in a noisy space.
Yeah, it's important because so many people go by the name of dad, right?
Absolutely.
It is true that the sweetest sound in your language is your name.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Let's break this down into some actionable tips for our listeners.
So if we know it's so important to remember someone's name, how can we actually do it?
What are your tips?
When we're out meeting people in an English-speaking space, how can we be sure to remember and use their name?
Well, the first thing is, especially if you're not from that culture, And it can go both ways Americans meeting international folks or international students in the US meeting Americans.
If the names are strange to you, it just doesn't sound like a name.
So when a person is introduced to you, I always recommend just ask them to repeat it, because it didn't quite sound right and You may have to ask them to repeat it a second time.
But believe me, if their name is difficult to say, you are not the first person to have a hard time with this name.
So you might want to just practice ahead of time saying something like this.
Your name is a little difficult for me, but I'd really like to get it right.
And I think that that communicates a commitment to that person that your name is important to you.
I will make it important to me in this relationship.
The person will appreciate it because it means you care.
So you can't be – but you can't be embarrassed and oh, just pretend that you understand, because pretending is not helpful at all.
Right, absolutely.
And you brought up an important point that when we're speaking, we're talking to someone in another language.
It can be especially hard.
There's another layer of difficulty because we may not be used to that name.
I mean for me when I speak with someone else who's a native English speaker.
I have enough trouble just with people speaking With American names.
But imagine if we're from another part of the world.
So can you give us that phrase one more time that we can use to ask the person to repeat, for example,
Absolutely.
Your name is a little difficult for me, but I'd really like to get it right.
Good.
I love that.
It makes the person feel like they're very important as they are.
As they really are.
And in that regard the second tip that I have is maybe, if you're in a kind of a business context, you can just ask them if they have a business card, because then you're going to see their name spelled out for you.
And you can learn it that way.
Especially, some of us are more visual learners than auditory learners.
And then when you look at it, you can say it, check with the person, did I say it correctly?
And if you're working with students who don't yet have their own professional business card, although I even recommend that students get a simple business card because they're networking and about to have jobs.
Is that they just ask the person to write it down, if you just spell it out because again, that visual aid can really help you remember the name.
And then, while you've got it, just try to remember in the conversation three different times to work that name back into the conversation.
Like, you know, that's a nice tie, Bob.
Or do you often come to this restaurant, Mary?
And then the repetition will help you remember it so that when you finally say goodbye, hey, it was great meeting you, Sherman.
Right.
That's great.
It serves two purposes, right?
It helps us to remember through the memory of just learning a simple word.
And it also makes the person feel recognized.
And it gives us that sense that we're important.
As we said, the sweetest sound in any language is our name, essentially.
Good.
So, all right, so asking for a business card.
I like that.
Is there a third tip that you could let our listeners know about how to make this work, this use of names?
Absolutely.
What I like to do often is to make up a mnemonic, and mnemonic is a $10 word.
It's hard to spell, but it just means a memory aid, something to help you remember the name.
I can give you a great example.
Just last week I was at an international student conference and I met an international student from Michigan State University.
His name was Hao Chen.
So to make up a memory aid, I thought of the question word how, and then the bottom part of the face, Chin.
Now putting these two together may not be the perfect way to say his name, but it was close enough to let Hao Chen know that I cared enough to make the effort.
Okay, interesting.
So the mnemonic device was in your own language, but it still worked for a name essentially in another language, in the Korean language or Chinese right.
Right.
And this little trick helps my English brain remember a name that otherwise might not make sense to me, because I speak a couple of languages.
But Chinese is not one of them.
Chinese is not one of them.
So we're bridging between our own language using that mnemonic device and then moving into that other language the person's name.
Absolutely.
I like it.
And how did that work?
Were you able to remember the person's name by the end of the event?
I'm able to remember and share it with you right now.
So this is several days, since Friday last week, so it absolutely worked, it works.
It works, that's great, that's fantastic.
So your three tips asking the person to repeat the first one right, asking for a business card and then putting together some type of memory device to make sure that we remember yeah, absolutely.
And I think one other thing that's interesting is learning the common names, right.
So just kind of getting familiar.
Do you ever work with your students on what the common names are in American culture?
I have a special list of probably the top 100 or so names for both females and males that I share with them.
Also, the nicknames, because as you know, some names have a number of possible nicknames.
I'm thinking of Elizabeth could be Liz, Lizzie, Libby, Beth.
There's 10.
They really appreciate learning that, but I also use it as a pronunciation exercise.
And when I'm teaching them correct pronunciation because again, if you're saying somebody's name, you want to get it correct.
Yeah, that's really, really important.
I mean, just let's throw out some common American names for guys.
Let's throw them out there just if we can think of them.
What do you think would be the top?
It depends on generation, right?
Of course.
Sure.
Sure.
But the one I always use is Bob.
And in fact I have two great friends named Bob.
All the best friends Bob, but Bob Tom Mike, Michael.
John is one that came, you know, when I was in school, it was Mike and John.
Every boy was Mike, John, maybe Dan, Daniel.
Those are big ones.
And then some names are cyclical.
They come into fashion and then they may go out of fashion for a generation or two and then start to come back.
One thing I've noticed about English names is that biblical names are often popular, really over centuries.
So you know names like Sarah and Abraham and those sorts of things Yeah,
So those will never go out of style.
They'll always be around.
I remember in my generation when I was growing up, Sarah was a hugely common name.
Also, Rebecca was common, I think.
What else?
Sarah, Rebecca.
Can you think of any women's names that are common that our listeners might want to know?
Definitely Jennifer.
That's just.
Jennifer.
And Catherine or Katie.
Katie.
That's huge.
Yeah.
And Megan.
Megan, Jessica is another one.
Yeah, absolutely.
So if you guys can familiarize yourselves with these really common names, the top 100 or the top 25 common names in the US, you'll have a much easier time because you will have primed your brain, your mind, to prepare for that name.
And then when you meet someone who does have that name, you'll be more likely to remember it too.
Absolutely.
Lindsay, if we have a second, I'd like to give your listeners a little bit of an exercise, a kind of a test for them.
I would like to request that the next three people they see, preferably not from their own home culture It's just ask them about their name.
So, first name, a middle name, if they have one.
The last name, a nickname, and just ask them to tell them about the meanings or the significance of those names.
Because I think this really impresses on all of us when we hear the answers from several different people.
Oh, you know, my family has I have this middle name because I have this.
This honored great aunt, and she's been such a matriarch in our family and so I received this name to honor her legacy in our family.
Or my last name means such and such, and we have a history of living in this area for generations and our reputation is very important.
So if you connect with people personally and hear their personal stories about names, I think that also underscores the message that names are important to a lot of individuals.
Absolutely.
I appreciate that.
So guys, we want to encourage you to go out and do that.
Our listeners are always looking for ways to start conversations and good conversations, not just surface level conversations.
And Alan.
I think this is a great example of a way to do that to get into a deeper conversation with someone that will keep you both interested and engaged and connecting.
Because that's really what it's about is connecting.
Here at All Ears English, we think it's about connection, not perfection.
We want to connect with the person across the table and not focus on being perfect with grammar or vocabulary or pronunciation.
That's fantastic.
Thank you for coming on the show today, Alan.
And I know that you have an interesting show going on on your end.
Can you tell us a little bit about Feel Like You Belong and what you're doing?
Absolutely.
Thank you, Lindsay.
Feel Like You Belong is a program for immigrants expatriates, refugees.
These are newcomers to the United States who are a bit on the outside looking in, and our job, our mission, is really to include them by bringing them into real-world conversations with other immigrants who have made that journey maybe five ten, twenty years before them, so that they can hear the stories, connect with the similarities and feel encouraged that yes, it's possible to make a new life in a new land.
But in addition then, Because a lot of times the vocabulary could include slang or cultural references that the average newcomer might not know, we have across the bottom of the screen those difficult expressions that are printed out.
And then if you go to the web page called What'd You Say?
You can check out a chart with those new expressions and their meaning.
So again, these are tools to help outsiders come and join us on the inside of the circle and be a part of American culture.
Fantastic.
That sounds extremely useful.
I know a lot of our listeners are here within the US or they're thinking about coming to the US, so I'm sure that they would find that useful.
Can you let our listeners know where to find that show?
What's the URL?
It could not be easier. www.feellikeyoubelong.com. www.feellikeyoubelong.com.
Good.
FeelLikeYouBelong.com.
Okay, perfect.
And is there another place that they could go to learn more about your work in the intercultural training field or the other things that you do?
Absolutely.
I do a lot of work with foreign-born professionals coming into the United States and trying to fit into both the workplace and their neighborhood.
And there are lots of blogs there about the intersection of language and culture, and that's at wwwheadbloomcom.
Headbloom is my last name.
It's a head like heads up and bloom like flower.
Perfect.
So excellent.
We really appreciate the work that you do in this field Alan, to help our listeners and other people who have just come to the US to feel more comfortable and essentially feel at home right in the US and be able to succeed here.
So thanks so much for coming on the show today.
We appreciate that.
It's been a real pleasure, Lindsay.
Awesome, Alan.
Have a great day.
You too now.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
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