This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2580.
Avoid sorrow, worry, and fear with these tips.
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We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz.
And Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.
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Sometimes in life, we worry about things or we experience a major loss.
And as humans, we need to connect and share.
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Are you always getting confused between the different grammar tenses?
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Hey Aubrey, what's going on?
I'm great, Lindsay.
How are you today?
Feeling good.
Feeling good.
Aubrey, I'm curious.
Are you a person that worries a lot?
I'm not.
I actually just had an interesting conversation with a friend who also has teenagers, who said that she stays up until the teenagers are home late at night.
And I was like, couldn't be me.
I'm sound asleep.
I'll wake up at 2 a.m. and check Life 360 to see if they got home safe.
Ah.
If they don't have their location shared, then I have to go upstairs and make sure they're home.
But I don't stay up.
I don't make them wake me up.
I don't really worry.
I just hope that they're safe.
That's really good.
Wow.
I love that.
That's fantastic.
Gosh, because worry does really weigh on you, doesn't it?
That personality trait really does weigh on you over time.
Yeah?
Yes.
Absolutely.
And this is really interesting.
This is inspired by an error we sometimes hear English learners make, where they use the words sorrow or sorrowful when describing fear or worry.
I recently heard someone say they said, I feel sorrowful that I might lose my job to AI.
So it was an interesting conversation of why instead you would say worried or fearful.
Yes.
Yeah.
So just to be clear, we can't say that, right, Aubrey?
It feels like an incorrect use of the vocabulary sorrowful.
Exactly.
Right.
And these words that are for bigger emotions like that we don't use often in casual conversations to say we're worried about something.
So we're going to cover all of these terms today with examples, so that you can make sure to use them to convey the correct emotion.
Yes, we're going to get this right today.
I love it.
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Okay?
Absolutely.
So for all of these, we're going to cover both the noun and the adjective, in which are used differently.
So we'll share examples for both.
And let's start with sorrow as a noun, Lindsay.
Yeah.
So this is a deep feeling of sadness, right?
Which is caused by loss, disappointment, hardship.
Yeah.
A death of a loved one.
Um, so lost, you know, what else could be Aubrey?
Yeah, that's really it.
Right.
Maybe intense regret about the past.
Like if you, you know you'd be like, oh I'm, I'm sorrowful that I wasn't able to spend more time with my grandma, something like that.
Or you're sharing sort of regret about the past.
Yeah.
So we often say this in the, in the sense of feeling sorrow, right?
So she felt great sorrow after losing a close friend or there was a sense of sorrow.
So sense of sorrow in the room when the news was shared, maybe also um a big world event like nine 11 right.
Created a real, I remember, I don't know where you were, Aubrey.
I was on campus in college, a sophomore in college.
And I remember cause my college was 45 minutes south of Washington, D.C.
So a lot of the parents worked in the Pentagon, worked in D.C.
And it was like so you could hear a drop on the on the campus.
No one was talking.
People were staring at the ground walking around campus that day.
You could tell like there was a lot of sorrow on campus.
Yeah, definitely.
Oh, yeah.
I was in Quebec.
So it was strange to not be actually to be so close to New York, but not be in the States.
But same even I mean, of course, no matter where you were in the world, you were devastated by that.
And you felt sorrow, and you felt the sorrow of the people around you, that something like that could happen.
Yeah, so these big events, plane crashes could also evoke a sense of sorrow, right?
So it's not just losing someone you know, it could be just tragedies, let's say, okay?
Or the general state of the world you might say like I feel real sorrow for.
And then just something that's happening political war, some atrocity.
It's just a deep emotional sadness.
For sure.
So then we turn it into an adjective and this is what we heard our listeners say with the wrong usage.
What does that look like, Aubrey?
Yeah.
So sorrowful is the adjective, which means feeling or showing that deep sadness.
So for example, you could have a sorrowful look, like you just look like you're extremely sad.
You could say he gave a sorrowful look as he spoke about his past, or he had a sorrowful look.
Or the music had a sorrowful tone.
Sorrowful.
That's kind of hard to say.
I wanted to say sourful, but it's not sourful.
It's sorrowful.
Yeah.
Tone that moved everyone.
Certain singers just sing in that tone, I guess, a little more than others.
Right?
Yeah.
And we often...
You know, in casual conversation, most often you'll just hear very sad, right?
The music had a very sad tone, but this means the same thing.
It's a more it's just a less common way to say that.
Yeah.
If you want to just choose a different word or maybe be a little more extreme in what you're saying, you might go for sorrowful instead of sad.
Yes.
Okay.
And then we're going to talk about worry and then fear, which this is where the mistake could be made.
If you don't realize that sorrow is quite a bit different from worry fear nervousness, you might try to use them interchangeably, but they do have very different meanings.
Yeah.
I mean, worry is a feeling of anxiety or concern.
I asked you, you shared a great example, right?
You're able to go to sleep and not worry.
So the noun form about a possible problem or a future event.
It's not about what's happening now, it's about what could happen right.
That's the key.
Yeah, exactly.
Right.
I don't worry that my kids are safe.
I try not to or I would never be able to sleep, like you said.
Yeah, for sure.
Another example, her biggest worry was whether she would arrive on time.
I've been stuck in traffic so many times and that's am I going to make it on time?
I know.
Or money became a constant worry for the family.
Right.
That's heavy.
When someone loses a job, maybe is laid off and then suddenly money is a big worry.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then the adjective form of this is just worried, to be worried, to feel anxious or concerned like I'm worried about my exam tomorrow.
Or he looked worried when he didn't get a response right.
So this is just taking the noun, making it an adjective to describe a feeling, okay?
Right, exactly.
So, for example, if you are talking with a friend about being worried that AI might take over your job,
This is the word that you would use.
Like, I'm worried about the future with AI and the unknown, not knowing what will happen.
Yeah.
A lot of people are having those thoughts right now, right?
In our global economy, of course.
And so share it.
Connection moments here.
Use these words to be a little bit transparent.
Show what's on your mind.
That helps people get to know you, what you value.
And I don't know, there's just something about being a little bit vulnerable.
That's kind of endearing because it shows that you're human.
Don't you think Aubrey?
Yes, absolutely.
Right.
That is an interesting thing to connect about.
And that's why.
So, when I, when I heard this mistake, I'm like okay, I would say instead worried or fearful, because we also use fearful, and It's interesting.
We use it to talk about things we're afraid of, but also things we're really worried about.
It right?
I'm fearful that AI could take over my job means very worried.
Yep, exactly.
Or the child was fearful of the dark hallway.
Kids are afraid of the dark.
Sometimes adults, I'm kind of afraid of the dark too.
Right.
That's interesting.
So this word is strange, because sometimes it means very afraid and sometimes it means very worried, right?
So that's where it sort of depends on the context, right?
What exactly is meant.
That's a good point.
Or she felt fearful walking home alone at night.
So we do need to pay attention to context.
Sort of afraid and worried there, right?
Yes.
Yes, for sure.
I mean, what do you think?
I think AI taking over jobs is something that people are fearful about right now and worried about.
In a lot of different fields.
Yeah, for sure.
What are some other things you think people globally are worried about right now, Aubrey?
Well, we record a little bit early.
So it's January 21 here.
And politically, things are very charged.
President Trump sent a letter to the leadership of Greenland.
That was horrifying for many of us Americans.
So a lot of us are fearful of what could be done, that we don't feel the checks and balances we're used to filling.
So I think there's a lot of fear and worry right now.
I hope you guys are in the future.
I hope nothing terrible happened and that things are.
Yeah, we're talking into the future right now, aren't we?
This is coming out in, I think, late February, March.
And so, yeah, I'm not going to lie.
This is something.
What's going on in politics right now takes up a chunk of my day with thoughts about it, ruminating thoughts and worry.
Right.
And fear.
And feeling fearful.
Feeling more helpless than we're used to feeling.
I feel like in the United States as an American, I've never felt this helpless before.
I felt like my leadership represented me and I could feel confident that they were seeking peace and trying to help other countries of the world.
And I don't feel that anymore.
And it's not a good feeling.
No, exactly.
So that's a good example.
So we're just giving you guys a spontaneous example of how you could open up a connection.
And this can go from talking to a close family member.
What are you worried about personally?
Or a classmate or a colleague?
What are you worried about in the world with politics?
Be a little bit careful.
Make sure you kind of you know we've done episodes about politics and how to broach that topic.
But, you know, important way of connecting, I think.
Absolutely.
Right.
To be interested in what someone else is worried about or fearful about because, talking it out, not everyone has, you know, a psychiatrist that they can talk to.
Often that's a friend.
You want to talk with a friend about the things you're worried about, to get it off your chest and yeah, have sort of a sounding board.
Exactly.
Love it.
Okay, Aubrey, let's dive in for a role play.
Again, two friends here talking after it's been a difficult week.
Okay.
Yes, all right.
I'll start us out.
Hey, you seem a bit distracted.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, work has just been a bit stressful.
I keep thinking about what could go wrong with the project I'm working on.
Oh, I get that.
It's human to feel worried when things feel uncertain.
Exactly.
Plus, I don't think I told you that my grandmother passed away last month.
I'm still kind of carrying around a lot of sorrow.
I am so sorry to hear that.
That kind of loss would leave anyone feeling sorrowful.
Take all the time you need.
Thanks.
Sometimes I'm fearful of losing more people I love.
That feeling will just hit me out of nowhere.
That makes sense.
I felt that same fear after losing my grandpa.
Hearing you say that actually helps.
It makes me feel less alone.
You're definitely not alone let me know if I can help in any way.
Yeah, this is a very vulnerable conversation, but sometimes, in the right friendship, at the right moment, it's the conversation you need to have, right.
Right, that solidarity of like, everyone has lost a loved one.
We've been there.
You're not alone with these feelings.
Let me know if you need to talk about it, right?
I mean, I know my mom passed away back in June and I got a lot of really nice responses from coworkers, right.
From colleagues Aubrey and Michelle, and also just people in my life just giving me a lot of space, a very gentle support.
Right.
And I think I shared this with you but also from listeners and from members of our community and open conversation club.
They were like give Lindsay our love.
We're thinking about her.
I know you were gone and they knew.
And yeah, it's true.
It's amazing how much that support can help.
Amazing.
It just makes you feel less alone for sure in what you're in, what you're going through.
Right.
Love that.
So let's go through these words, Aubrey.
So first we had you said well, I shared.
I keep thinking about what could go wrong with the project I'm working on.
So we're talking about work stress.
And you said, I get that.
Great way to empathize.
It's human to feel worried when things feel uncertain.
Yeah.
And this is such a great chunk for helping someone.
See, like I don't feel like you're crazy or you know, this is very natural, normal.
It's very human to feel worried when things are uncertain.
Yes, exactly.
Then what happened next, Aubrey?
And then you said, you know, I don't know if I shared that my grandmother passed away.
I'm still carrying around a lot of sorrow.
So this is where we would say that word instead of sadness, to emphasize how big it still feels, how sad we still are.
Yeah, you could have said sadness and that would have been fine.
But maybe if we want to go, well, we want to have alternatives in vocabulary, right?
Yeah.
And this is a little more heavy, right?
It does emphasize sadness. the level of sadness.
Because sadness can sometimes be a little more trivial, right?
Like you could be talking about a little, like you dated someone for two weeks and they broke up with you and there's some sadness there.
It's not sorrow, right?
It's not the same point.
Yeah.
Different levels for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you said, I'm so sorry.
That kind of loss would leave anyone feeling sorrowful.
So you're normalizing it here.
Yes, definitely.
Such a good way to connect.
Right.
Anyone would feel the same in your shoes.
Yes.
And then you said, yeah, thanks.
Sometimes I'm fearful of losing more people I love.
And this is common that when you lose someone close to you, you do sometimes, you're sometimes fearful that it's going to happen.
Like, who else am I going to lose?
True.
Yeah, that's very true.
And then again, we are kind of identifying with each other.
And you're saying that makes sense.
I felt that same fear after losing my grandpa or grandfather.
Right.
Yeah.
Sympathizing, sharing empathy.
Right.
And using that adjective fearful and then the noun fear.
And then, yeah, this is great that you're saying, you know, hearing that actually helps.
It makes me feel less alone.
This is such a great way to connect.
You have all the vocabulary you need, but you also need those people skills to be willing to, like you said Lindsay, be vulnerable.
Let them know they're not alone.
You've also experienced that or are there to help.
And empathizing too, right?
The things that we mentioned that, you know, we kept saying to each other, that makes sense.
I get that.
I'm so sorry.
These are important connectors, right?
Because it would sound disjointed and sort of insincere if you went straight from saying I'm kind of still carrying around a lot of sorrow.
If I just said that kind of loss would leave anyone feeling sorrowful.
We really need that connector of that.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
That makes sense.
Listen to this role play again and listen for those connectors that we use.
Listen for the tones of voice.
They're a little bit different than our normal role plays.
So really good stuff.
Guys, go check out 2564.
That was human or person.
What's the difference?
We had a lot of fun with that episode trying to figure out when do we use human?
When do we use person?
It's a little complicated, right?
And you probably noticed we used it in this role play to say, you know, it's human to feel that way.
We often do this.
And you wouldn't say it's a person.
This is a way a person feels, right?
That's where we will say this chunk.
It's human to feel that way.
Really good.
Any final takeaway today, Aubrey?
Yeah, I think this is such a great way to connect, to be willing to be vulnerable, to empathize, to be that friend that someone would be willing to share their worries and their fears with.
I 100% agree.
So we need vocabulary for this.
We need these skills so that we build those important connections.
Again, you're not going to talk about this with everyone.
This is not the conversation you're going to have with everyone, maybe just your closest friends, but you have the tools for them now, right.
Absolutely.
Awesome.
Thanks, Lindsay.
All right, everybody.
You have a good day.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
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