This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2557.
Can't help it, how imperfection leads to connection.
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What are your weaknesses?
Dessert?
Shopping?
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Hey, Lindsay, how are you?
I'm feeling good today, Michelle.
How are you?
I'm good.
I'm good.
Yeah.
Happy to be recording.
Yeah.
Michelle, I do have a question because I know I have a sweet tooth.
Well, so what about you, Michelle?
Do you have dessert after every meal?
No, not every meal.
Just sometimes.
What about you?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I can't help eating something sweet after meals.
I just feel like I need it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like lately I've been having a lot of sweets.
It's like you know, right now we're recording this right before Christmas, so there's just there's sweets everywhere, right?
Hot chocolate.
They're everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
It's really, yeah, a bite here, a bite there, and before you know it, you've had three donuts.
Yeah, it's true.
So today we're going to talk about how to say you are unable to stop yourself from doing something.
This is going to be really fun.
So this key way is I can't help X.
Yes.
Yes.
And of course we have to give a nod to, well, Elvis had a song.
I think the title of the song was I can't help falling in love with you.
I can't help falling in love.
Yep.
Yeah.
We can't sing it on the show, but you could look it up on YouTube and you'll, and you'll find it.
Did you see the movie about Elvis?
The recent one that came out?
I never did.
Was it good?
It was good.
Yeah.
I would, it gives you a lot of historical background.
I mean, he's such an important figure in our musical history.
I would watch it if you, if you get a chance.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's good to know.
All right.
So I can't help something.
This means you can't avoid it.
You can't stop it.
It almost feels like it's a little out of your control, even if it is in your control, but you kind of surrender to it, right.
Yeah.
It's a very common chunk, a very common phrase that our listeners need to know here, right?
They're going to hear it a lot.
Right.
Or sometimes you might just hear people say, I can't help it.
Right.
I just, I can't help it.
Like in this little, we're going to do a little mini role play, uh, Lindsay.
So, um, okay.
All right.
Michelle, you bought another bag.
I can't help it.
I'm a shopaholic.
Not true.
Is this true about you?
No, not true.
Not true.
Not true.
Um, this wouldn't be a bad affliction, right?
To be a shopaholic.
I think not good.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
So, um, but again, I just said, I can't help it.
It's basically saying I, there's nothing I can do.
This is who I am, right?
It's about self-control, right?
This, this phrase, I have no control.
I have no self-control.
I have to buy the bags when I see them.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
Or you could also use it like this um, i love boba so much.
Whenever i see a store, i have to get one.
I can't help it.
Yes, i love it.
Do you have any specific kind of food, michelle?
That is just your weakness, like when you see it, you have to go into the shop and get it.
You just can't help it.
Yeah, i mean i i.
I mean, French fries are a weakness of mine.
What else can't I help?
There are these cookies in this store that's not far from where I live.
Oh, they're delicious.
It's their holiday season special, their December special, and it's like a chocolate peppermint cookie.
Oh, yum.
It's delicious.
So what about you?
Well, I think so for me, it's not so much that I'll go into a store and buy it.
It's more like if I'm at an event and there's sweets out.
If there's brownies or cookies, I will definitely have one almost all the time.
Yeah.
I can't help it.
Yeah, I can't help it.
I can't help it.
Yeah.
So, you know, we also use it with that grammatical structure I touched on earlier.
Can't help.
Verb plus ing, so you wouldn't use this with an infinitive.
You're using it verb ing, so again, like elvis, can't help falling in love with you, um.
So Here are some examples of that.
Lindsay, you want to do the first one?
Yeah.
I can't help laughing every time I see my friend make a funny face.
So again, self-control.
Like there are times when you just can't not laugh, right?
Have you ever, yeah, when you get the giggles, have you ever been in an inappropriate situation?
Oh yeah, for sure.
We've talked about this on the show before.
Yeah, it happens sometimes.
It hasn't happened to me in a little while, but there are notable times, especially in school, when I was a kid and you just like it's bad right.
It is really bad at that time.
And then you can't, you can't help it.
You can't help laughing.
Um, or here's another one.
I can't help worrying about my work problems at home.
That's not good.
That's not good.
Yeah.
So what is something I'm trying to think of other things we can't help?
So I mean, I guess I have some healthy habits too.
Like I feel like if I go through a day and I haven't really done anything active, like even gone for a nice walk, like I don't feel good.
So I can't help not moving every day, I guess.
Well, for me, I can't help going to sleep late.
That's my, you know, I've talked about that a lot on the show.
I mean, I'm a night owl.
And even when I think, oh, like...
Sure.
Tonight is going to be the night.
And even sometimes if I try and go to sleep earlier than I can sleep.
So yeah, yeah, I can't help it.
What about coffee?
Do you feel like you're addicted to coffee?
That's what for sure for me, I can't help drinking coffee every morning.
I have to have my coffee.
Oh, I have to have it every morning too.
Okay.
I've been trying to cut back on a little bit with the afternoon. but still like, yeah, it's hard.
There's something wrong.
If a morning has happened and there's been no coffee, something's not right.
But has that ever happened to you, where you don't even realize like you were busy, you were running out or something and you like, didn't finish your coffee and then later you're like whoa, How did that happen?
I know.
It's just part of the morning.
For me, it's more the ritual.
It's just the making of the coffee, the smell, just having it by my desk.
It's just the best.
Oh, now I want a coffee.
Yep.
Exactly.
Not in the microphone.
No.
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All right, Michelle.
So how does it sound to you when someone says they can't help it or they can't help doing something?
Is this childish?
Because we're talking about self-control.
Is it whiny?
Is it like, do you lose respect for them?
Yeah.
No, I mean, I think it depends what you're talking about.
I mean, if you're just like, I can't help it about everything.
Right.
I think that that could sound a little bit.
Yeah.
We need a little personal control.
Right.
Right.
For some things.
Yeah.
Right.
I think it's OK for people to have some weaknesses.
Right.
We're not perfect beings here.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
So I think I actually think it's a good connection topic because you're sharing something about who you are.
You're self-aware and maybe that person can agree with you or they have a similar situation.
So I don't think it necessarily sounds childish, but I think it could, depending on how you say it and what you're talking about.
Yeah.
I mean reserve it for the situations where you truly feel like you have no control and you want to share that right.
Like my dog, he always, our listeners who have dogs are going to know this.
He'll get zoomie, what we call zoomies.
I remember you taught me that word.
Yeah.
Zoomies.
And he'll just run in circles, especially after he goes to the bathroom, he'll do this.
I don't know why.
He just gets really excited and he runs in circles and he sprints.
And I always say like, you know, just let him do it because he can't help it.
He just has all this energy bubbling up.
He has to get it out, right?
He's just, he's a being too, you know?
He has to do what he has to do, right?
He's got to do it.
You got to get those zoomies out.
Yeah, totally.
I mean, it's similar also with children.
It's so funny how we always relate kids and dogs.
But yeah, like it's so hard sometimes because, you know, I have a three and a half year old.
Well, more than that now.
And, you know, she... three is a tough age and I love her so much.
And sometimes she, you know, she just, it'll be a tantrum about something where you're like, what?
But she can't help it.
It's the age, you know, it's, they, they don't have fully developed brains.
Totally.
Yeah.
You have to keep that in mind all the time.
And it's hard.
It's hard sometimes, but then you have to think no no, like I, they don't it it, she can't help it.
She can't help it.
Yeah.
She can't help it.
Yeah.
It's like, you want to be able to speak for her and be like, I know you can't help it.
So, you know, it's, yeah, this is just, Well, this is part of being human, right?
Or being an animal, a dog or something.
So what are some other examples, Michelle?
Well, yeah.
I mean, one other thing you might hear is I can't stop myself from...
OK, so, for example, I can't stop myself from playing with my hair when I'm nervous.
Oh, yes.
And this is where it could veer into like, if you're in a job interview, that's something we probably want to work on.
Right.
There's certain habits we want to be aware of.
Right.
Or I can't stop.
Right.
I can't stop eating these chips.
Sometimes you'll hear someone say, I can't stop.
Take them away. right?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Do you do that?
I'm like, hide these away from me.
Well, there are certain foods, I mean, that are just engineered to be.
There's this thing that sometimes we buy, and my father-in-law buys it.
It's.
They're like these um, I don't know these little Triscuits that have like sugar and salt and he calls them crack because they are like a drug.
Once you open that bag, you cannot not eat them.
It's incredible.
Are they Triscuits?
Triscuits are bad.
They're just like a biscuit type thing, but more of a cracker.
But then they have just the perfect engineered combination of salt and sweet.
And I mean, the company's big food does this on purpose.
They know exactly what they're doing.
Right.
This is science for them.
They engineer it this way.
That's how I am with like popcorn, salty stuff.
I mean, we just we had my son's birthday party and we had it at our house.
So we had all these leftovers.
And I just, it's terrible because I cannot have that in the house because if I do, I will eat it.
I can't stop myself.
That's kind of my trick too is we don't usually, on a normal basis, we don't really buy sweets.
We don't have ice cream in the house.
We don't really have too much stuff like that because it's just too easy to go, especially in the evening, and go get some, you know.
Yeah, exactly.
But you might also hear someone say something like, I can't resist.
Right.
And I can't resist a good reality TV show.
Right.
Or I can't resist a girl's trip with my friends.
Right.
Or I can't resist drinking a second cup of coffee in the afternoon.
Yes.
Good.
So are these all the same?
All these alternatives that we've talked about versus I can't help any slight differences we need to know about.
I think the only thing I would say is I can't resist.
It almost sounds to me more like a guilty pleasure, right?
It's the other sound more to me like, oh, you can't control yourself.
Yeah.
But this one more sounds like it would be used for like I don't think I would say I can't resist playing with my hair when I'm nervous.
I can't resist biting my nail, something like that.
So yeah, yeah, it's more that one.
I think I mean, I can't stop myself that can also be for guilty pleasure.
But I think I can't resist is especially for like, oh, I can't resist a chocolate chip cookie.
Like an indulgence kind of thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
Very slight differences though, right?
Exactly.
So here's a couple of questions.
Lindsay, can you resist an iced coffee on a hot day?
Some days I can.
Most of the time iced coffee.
So coffee for me is more like a ritual.
I don't crave coffee.
It's more of a habitual thing.
I crave the habit.
I crave satisfying the habit loop.
You know, if you think about the brain, how it works with habits, I crave that.
And I do enjoy the taste, but I'd be more likely to crave like an ice cream. on a hot day.
You know what I mean?
Michelle, what about you?
Can you, can't you help doing, what can't you help doing when you're traveling?
What is something you can't help doing?
Like, do you stop at gas stations and get junk food, that kind of thing?
No, I would say I can't help Like if I'm on a really big trip.
I can't help like constantly looking for souvenirs for my family to bring home.
I get very, it's, I get very, but I get nervous about it and I want to find like the perfect thing.
And then Dan's always like, you see this, just get it.
And then it's over with.
And then I'm like well, but maybe I'll find something you know and I.
So I can't like, I can't help it.
That's really nice and generous.
That reminds me a lot of when I was living in Japan.
They have a big tradition.
I think the word is omiyage.
Maybe our listeners are going to if I'm getting that wrong, they'll have to let us know.
There was a word for this.
It's gift giving when you travel.
So when I would go away for a weekend with my Japanese friends, we'd spend like half the last day of our trip finding gifts.
And I was kind of like, wow, this is significantly different from American culture.
Even just a ski weekend in the mountains, we would spend a good chunk of time finding the right gift to bring back for work.
Um, really interesting.
I love it.
I love it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I, I tend to get a little nervous about that.
Um, and I want to find good stuff.
Um, so let's do a role play here.
We are friends and we are in Chelsea market in New York.
One of my favorite places.
Yeah, that's a good place.
All right, let's go there.
Here we go.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh wow.
Look at this slice.
Oh wow.
I can't resist a good New York pizza.
Same.
You know what?
I love the dollar slices too.
I can't help it.
They are so good.
Also, I can't stop myself from nibbling on all the food whenever I come here.
Seriously, it's like how I am in Costco.
I can't help trying all the samples.
The best.
I totally agree.
Pizza is another thing.
It's hard when the smell just kind of carries across the street somewhere.
You know, I mean that just happened to me yesterday.
I ate lunch somewhere.
And then I walked out and this smell just hit me in the face from a pizza place and I had just eaten lunch.
And then I'm thinking, Oh my God.
So pizza is the worst pizza or a donut shop.
You go into a donut shop, a coffee shop, I guess, but pizza is the worst.
I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you said, I said first, wow, I can't resist a good New York pizza.
Yeah.
So we're kind of, I'm imagining we're in Chelsea market.
Maybe we're looking at kind of a, one of those gourmet, like a gourmet slice or something.
And then I said, I love the dollar slices.
I can't help it.
So yeah.
Cause in New York they also have like really cheap ones, you know, just like all around, like on the corner or whatever.
And yeah, they're pretty good too.
It's a big part of New York culture.
Living in New York, stopping in to get a slice, grab a slice is what they say.
And sometimes people will eat it on the street, which is a big no-no in other cultures, I know, but it's okay in New York to eat on the street.
It's just like part of the lifestyle, grabbing a slice, right?
Yep.
Yep.
And then I said, they're so good.
Also, I can't stop myself from nibbling on all the food.
So maybe I'm talking about little samples or...
Little just little things I might buy.
Right.
Yeah.
And then I said, seriously, it's like how I am in Costco.
I can't help trying all the samples.
So guys, if you haven't been to Costco, they have samples all out and it's very exciting and you can pretty much get a whole lunch there just by eating the samples.
It's true.
Well, we've done an episode on, well, we've done an episode about Costco.
I don't know if it was about samples, but yeah, we did something about the experience of Costco.
So funny.
So this is a very typical conversation.
Again a connection moment because I think when we reveal the things about ourselves that are not perfect and Um, it leads to people kind of connecting with us more.
Right.
And this kind of comes back to connection, not perfection, but imperfections create connection in a way.
Don't you think?
I like that.
Yes.
I like that very much.
Let's see.
I think that's true.
No one's perfect.
No one's perfect.
No one's like a perfect. model of health or lifestyle, right?
So just admit it.
And then that's where the connection shows up.
Yes, that's true.
So this is a very big connection episode as well.
So guys.
Check out episode 2514.
We did that.
That was called A Foolproof Method to Express Yourself.
So good.
And that, I mean, that kind of is the takeaway.
This has been a true connection episode.
Don't be afraid to talk about your weaknesses, the things you can't help doing, because that will open people up to you right.
It makes you more interesting, right?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So Really good stuff today, Lindsay.
Thanks for talking about this with me.
And I'll see you next time.
All right, Michelle.
Take care.
Talk soon.
Bye.
Bye.
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