This is the All Ears English Podcast, episode 2522.
What to say when you lose your train of thought.
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One of the natural things that happens in everyday conversation is that we lose our train of thought.
Today, find out what to say in English when this happens to you and how to help the other person if it happens to them, to maintain a great connection.
Hey, Aubrey, how are you doing today?
How's it going?
I'm great.
How are you, Lindsay?
Good.
I'm excited to be back for another great week of All Ears English, but I'm curious about something.
All right.
Let's hear it.
So do you tend to lose your train of thought often?
Does this happen to you?
Forget what you're saying?
Yes.
More and more.
Oh, no.
That's not good.
I'll just forget what I was saying.
Or you know, you leave a room, go into another room and wait.
What was I talking about?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or open the fridge and forget why you went there.
Things like that.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Right.
The older I get, the more...
And you've got a lot going on.
We've got kids running around everywhere.
You're busy.
So yeah, I don't remember this happening to me as much when I was young.
Right.
I know.
Life is just simpler when we're young, right?
Then it just gets complicated.
So it's a totally normal thing.
And so what are we getting into today, Aubrey?
Yeah, this episode was inspired by a student who was asking what to say when you can't remember what you were saying, when you lose your train of thought, right?
We want to... avoid just a pause or silence.
So this chunk, lose your train of thought, is kind of idiomatic.
It means to forget what you were saying or thinking, usually because you were distracted or maybe interrupted.
I love it.
And the last couple of days we've been doing some really human English episodes, very authentic English, that we're highlighting here.
That I'm surprised we haven't taught yet right.
So it's coming out now.
So guys, at the end of the episode we'll give you another great episode to check out.
That would give you another, just very real insight into real English Aubrey.
Yes, absolutely.
Stay to the end so you don't miss that.
But the biggest part, tip right off the top here is it's really important that you say something right away that prompts whoever you were talking to to share something that will jog your memory right.
What does that mean?
Jog your memory, Lindsay?
That's an idiom too.
Yeah.
To get it going again, right?
Like put it back in place, like get it back on track in a way.
Yeah, exactly.
To help you remember something.
Like, oh, that jogs my memory and that helps me remember.
Yep.
And I agree.
Avoid the pause.
We don't like, and this might be an American culture piece of advice, but we don't like pauses.
We don't like silence in American culture.
Exactly.
So usually someone from the States will just say one of the things we're going to teach today.
We're going to teach three phrases that are perfect for you to say and then to give the other person that in, to just remind you what you were talking about.
Yeah.
So inevitably this is going to happen.
It's a very human thing.
I'm sure it happens to our listeners in their native languages.
So today you're going to know exactly what to do in English, because it doesn't have to be this big embarrassing moment where you break the connection right.
You could maintain the connection in this moment.
Yes, exactly.
And be sure to hit follow, guys.
We have so many amazing episodes every week.
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So wherever you listen to podcasts, search All Ears English and be sure to hit follow.
Exactly.
All right, Aubrey, I think our listeners are ready for what the heck do we say when this happens?
Inevitably, it will happen.
What do we say?
What are some things?
So the first one, this is what I say most often is just what was I saying?
So if I'm talking and I lose my train of thought, I'm talking to someone, whether I'm on the phone or talking to someone else.
I'll just say, what was I saying?
And almost always they're going to just say, oh, you were talking about your dog.
Right.
Help me remember what I was saying and I'll pick it right back up.
Yeah.
Sometimes it helps.
Sometimes I still can't remember what I was like, what about my dog?
I can't remember what I was still can't remember, but this is what we say, right?
And that's a good point.
And I don't know, I don't think we're covering that.
So let's share what I say when that happens.
If it doesn't help me immediately remember, I just say, Oh, it must not have been important.
And then I just change the subject and we'll talk about something else.
All right.
So you're going to do that in the role play then?
Perfect.
No, I'm going to say, like you, you help me remember that sometimes that does happen, that we don't you know, that doesn't help us remember.
And I'll use kind of a joke.
You can be like, well, it must not have been important then.
And you'll just change because you don't want it to have like a long pause or hesitation where you're trying to think of it.
And, oh, just give me a minute.
I'll think of it.
No, that it'll come up later or not.
Yeah, it'll come up later.
We're moving on.
You need to keep the momentum of the conversation going.
That is the goal.
Because again, it's connections so, exactly so we have a mini role play of how it could work, if you do remember.
Okay fun yeah, here we go.
All right.
Okay, we're friends here talking about weekend plans.
I'll start us out, okay.
So i was thinking we could try that new rooftop place downtown.
They have live music on saturdays.
Oh, that sounds fun.
Do they serve food too?
Yes, small plates, i think.
And wait, what was i saying?
You were talking about the food at the rooftop place, small plates.
Right.
And they have tapas and amazing cocktails.
We should totally check it out.
All right.
So that was a nice, smooth loop there.
You picked it back up and we just continued the conversation.
And this is most often how it will happen.
Right.
And I love it.
This really is such a connection moment because some people might hesitate to say, like what was I saying?
That's almost a test to see if the other person was listening, at least in the States.
That's fine.
It's not a big deal.
If they're like if they don't remember that, I also would be like, must not have been important.
Yeah.
And sometimes that happens, too.
I mean, even if someone's paying attention, both of you might actually forget.
Like, wait, what was it?
Because usually this most often happens because there's some kind of interruption or distraction.
And then maybe a little time goes by.
Maybe you're helping a child or a pet.
And then by the time you're like, what was I talking about?
You might both have forgotten.
Or maybe there's a really loud fire engine that drives by and it forces you to stop talking entirely, right?
A lot of things could happen.
I love the delivery here, how natural it was.
I said, do they serve food too?
You said, yeah, small plates, I think.
And wait, what was I saying?
Right?
So you start with wait, right?
Wait, what was I saying?
So that's really good.
That's true.
Because it would be a little more abrupt if I'm like, yeah, small plates, pause.
What was I saying?
We do kind of usually have those little filler words to sort of transition into it.
Really good stuff.
And the way I this is also a secondary thing for our listeners to learn.
It is collaborative here because the way I responded with the answer wasn't small plates.
I said small plates.
I kind of said it in a question style. format.
And you gave as much info as you could to get me back on track.
You're like, oh, you were talking about the food at the rooftop place, small plates, right?
It's true.
You're trying to help me pick up the thread of the conversation.
So you're going to give me as many details as you can.
Yeah, it's really a collaboration.
So we kind of need to flip our minds and think we're not on stage when we're in conversation.
This is probably the takeaway coming early.
We're not on stage when we're in a conversation.
We're in collaborations.
Aubrey, don't you think?
Exactly.
I agree.
Absolutely.
Right.
Yeah.
And if you were on stage, you might just be staring blankly, trying to think of your next line.
Luckily, when you're just having a conversation, that's not the case.
You can work together to try and remember where you were.
I always wonder if that happens to actors.
I mean, nightmare scenario.
You can't obviously you can't go to the audience and ask, what's my next line?
Nope.
It probably does happen.
Hopefully not.
All right.
So that's not the only thing we could say, though.
What else could we say?
There was other things.
Yes.
Your second option is to say, where was I?
So we'll do another little role play here.
You and I are coworkers here and I'm telling you about something that happened at work.
So I'll start us out.
Ready?
Okay.
So anyway, I walked into the meeting late because the elevator stopped on every single floor.
I finally get in and guess what?
My boss is already looking annoyed.
And then, oh, I just spilled my coffee.
Oh, here's some napkins.
Thank you.
Oh, sorry about that.
Where was I?
You were saying your boss looked annoyed when he walked into the meeting.
Right.
So I walk in and then he asks me to present without any warning.
Yeah.
So this is that kind of distraction.
If you spill coffee, it takes a little while to clean it up.
That might happen.
That's impressive that you remembered here, but you might say, oh, I don't remember.
What were you talking about?
Exactly.
You could say, must not have been important.
Right.
And I feel like where was I is more commonly used when you've gone into a whole story.
You know, you're going into a story here, right?
Yeah, good point.
Because what was I talking about is more like what was the topic in the first place?
Whereas if you're in the middle of a story, then we'll be like, where was I?
That would be kind of weird.
Where in my story was I?
Yeah, it'd be weird if you kind of forgot the whole story.
What was I talking about when you've been telling a whole story?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where was I is more like exactly where exactly was I in my story?
So it is slightly different, right?
Exactly.
Really good.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, Aubrey, we are back from break.
We do have a few other things to tell our listeners.
What do we need to know?
Yeah.
So we want to share sort of like what we started talking about there.
These do also highlight the importance of listening, right?
You never know when someone will lose their train of thought and you'll need to remind them what they said last.
So if you're never listening, whether you're just thinking of what you want to say next, you can sort of get caught out here, right?
But you do also need that strategy in case something You know they don't remember, either what you say or they say doesn't jog your memory.
So we did.
We had the one example that I said, which was it must not have been that important.
But we have another one we can say.
What else could we say, Lindsay?
You could say, never mind.
It'll come back to me.
Right.
The one is kind of self-deprecating.
Must not have been that important.
Whatever I was talking about.
This is a little less self-deprecating.
This is good.
This is good.
So in this role play.
We are friends and we used to be roommates, maybe college roommates or something.
Okay.
Yes.
All right.
So I'll start us out.
So I was telling you about how I ran into Mr. Lawson at the grocery store.
He was our neighbor when we lived on Juniper.
Do you remember him?
Vaguely.
Didn't he always wear that bow tie?
Yes, that's him.
Anyway, he started telling me about sorry.
I started thinking about those other neighbors we had when we lived there.
Where was I?
Um, Oh, never mind.
It'll come back to me.
Can you believe it's been 15 years since we moved?
Yeah.
So I obviously didn't remember either.
Right.
I didn't really know either.
I wasn't listening or I just couldn't remember exactly what you were saying.
And this is such a connection moment to give someone that out to know, you know, and I could think of all the things I could say.
You'd be like, weren't you listening to me, Lindsay?
Don't you remember what I was saying?
Are you not interested in our conversation?
Right.
You could be really snippety.
Are we even friends?
Right.
It's been 15 years, but should I question everything?
Exactly.
But instead, we save the other person.
Right.
If there was even a hazard, I didn't even give you very long.
You're like, oh, it was something about and I'm just going to jump in with, oh, never mind.
It'll come back to me.
Yeah, I think this is really a hallmark of connection and communication with our mirror neurons as human beings.
We don't want that other person to feel that way, right?
It's natural.
We want to rescue them in a sense.
Exactly.
If we care about the connection, we don't want them to feel awkward.
We don't want to emphasize that.
We do want to rescue.
We want to avoid those awkward pauses.
And these phrases are perfect for what you can say when you lose your train of thought, and also what you can say if the other person doesn't remember.
Yes, 100%.
So Aubrey, what is that other very human, real English episode that our listeners could check out, that we just did over the weekend?
Yes.
Scroll up if you missed it.
It was called Grammar Mistake or False Start.
We do this all the time on the podcast, where we start the sentence a certain way and then we're rephrasing, we're changing, we're interrupting ourselves and then the grammar changes because now our sentence is different.
It was such a cool episode.
So a student wrote in asking a question about a grammar structure that to him, if you take it at face value, it made no sense.
It was totally impossible to say that.
But when we looked at it, we realized that Michelle had just done a false start.
It wasn't just like really bad grammar.
Exactly.
It happens all the time.
And when we're doing the transcripts we usually try to have the three dots, the ellipsis or maybe a dash to indicate that they interrupted themselves, changed what they were saying.
And so the grammar would change.
Yeah.
Guys, get the transcripts.
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You're right, Aubrey.
I mean, you see the transcripts every week.
It happens all the time.
All the time.
Yes.
At least on our show.
That's the cool benefit of having two co-hosts on Allers English.
Yeah.
And it happens a lot.
If a podcast is scripted, this is going to happen less.
But if it's actually the way natives speak unscripted, this happens constantly.
Exactly.
I love it.
And guys, don't forget, we do publish episodes on Saturdays.
So check out our Sassy Saturday episodes to make sure you remember to tune into All Ears English when you are out walking your dog or whatever you're doing on Saturdays.
Aubrey, what's our final takeaway for today?
Yeah, I love this.
It's such a connection skill, that key moment, when you can save the connection by saving someone awkwardness or if they lose their train of thought right.
Be listening so that you can bail them out.
You can just quickly share what they were talking about and get them back on track.
Yeah, and that's good.
That just feels good for the heart, good for the mind, good for connection, for relationships, things like that.
Absolutely.
All right.
Good stuff today, Aubrey.
We'll see you back here on the show very soon.
All right.
Awesome.
See you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
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