This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2504, How to Blend Your Social Bubbles in English.
Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times.
Are you feeling stuck with your English?
We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.
And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglishcom.
Forward slash subscribe.
Do you blend your social groups or do you keep them separate?
This can vary around the world, but in the US, we usually blend them.
Today gets six key ways to do this in English.
The countdown is on.
Holiday shopping season is officially here.
Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting, but thousands of unique, high-quality finds you won't see anywhere else.
Don't wait.
The most meaningful gifts get scooped up fast.
And now's the perfect time to cross names off your list.
Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique and often handmade or made in the US.
Many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind.
Just like learning the basics of grammar is key to getting started with English, I've heard that knife skills are the foundation for good cooking.
Since I want to learn to cook, this year I went to Uncommon Goods and found an authentic Thai chef's knife called the Moon Knife, created in a small village in Thailand by talented artists.
It's perfect for cutting pork or poultry.
With a hand forged tool like this, I feel even more excited to improve my cooking.
So don't wait, cross those names off your list before the rush.
To get 15 off.
Your next gift go to uncommongoodscom slash a e e.
That's u n c o m m o n g o o d scom.
Slash a e e for 15 off.
Uncommon goods.
We're all out of the ordinary.
Hey there, Aubrey.
How's it going today?
I'm great, Lindsay.
Welcome back.
How was your trip?
Oh my gosh, it was great.
Anytime I go on vacation, I love it.
But I've never seen so much rain, Aubrey, in a one-week period.
It was crazy.
Yes, you were in Norway, right?
Yes.
Yes, and it rains like crazy at that time of year.
We didn't know that.
No, I know you were planning on kayaking, which got rained out.
I'm sorry to hear that.
You'll have to go again sometime when you can do the kayaking.
It's so true.
But because there was so much rain, it was a more chill trip.
And I had a lot of time to think about culture because that's where my mind always goes, right?
You know, like, how is this place different from the US?
How do people act?
Like, what's going on here?
Right.
And so we did a free city tour.
Have you ever done those tours Aubrey where, like there's always free city tours that meet in the center?
I haven't.
I don't think I ever have done that.
Oh my gosh.
Every city we've been to offers a free city tour and you just tip at the end.
You tip well.
So it works out.
The business continues all over the world.
It's amazing.
And our guide was an expat living in Bergen, Norway for the last three to four years.
He was Indian Portuguese, I believe, but he had a lot of insights on the culture.
And so I took his insights and then supplemented that with a little reading, a little observing.
And we have some interesting stuff to share with our audience today.
Yes, I'm very excited to hear these cultural insights and also for what we're going to share about introducing mutual friends, because I have been in that situation where I want to introduce people and it's tricky.
We're going to give you the phrases and the strategies to do this.
So you are going to learn a lot in this episode.
This is going to be fantastic.
Everyone is going to be able to apply today's episode.
So guys, first go ahead and hit the follow button.
If you are not currently following All Ears English, then you're missing what we're sending out, which is five episodes a week, Aubrey.
Amazing.
Yeah.
Yes, exactly.
Right.
Hit follow wherever you listen to podcasts.
Before we go any further, I just want to mention a caveat.
Culture is really complex.
It's really nuanced.
Anytime we talk about culture, I get nervous because I don't want to have stereotypes.
I don't want to generalize.
You know, imagine if someone were trying to break down American culture, Aubrey and socializing in American culture into three rules.
We would reject it right away, right.
Absolutely.
It's so true.
And I remember Sometimes when I talk to people about my experience in Brussels, Belgium.
I will share the stereotypes I witnessed, but that was based on a very small group right.
I noticed some things from a few people, but I certainly didn't meet every person that lives in Brussels.
So when you have a small sample size, you might end up stereotyping accidentally and assuming things about a culture that aren't true for everyone.
So it is tricky.
Yeah.
And you are also just in the city, right?
In the city of Brussels, lifestyle can be so different.
Exactly.
In a city versus countryside versus mountains versus beach.
Oh, my God.
There's so much here.
But we do like to observe things and we want to help our listeners to have these skills to speak in these social contexts.
So for our listeners from Norway, guys, go ahead and email me at Lindsay at AllEarsEnglish.com.
And tell me what I'm getting wrong here, because I'm sure we're having some kind of misunderstanding.
Right.
So we'll do a follow up episode.
If we've gotten something wrong, we'd be happy to do that.
All All right.
Yes.
That would be really interesting to hear.
Right.
Let us know.
You could leave a comment on the YouTube video to give us details.
Is this the case as far as you know, or do you experience something different?
Yes.
And so here is kind of the main point of what we want to talk about today.
I had one kind of huge light bulb moment, one big observation of something that seemed pretty different from American culture, that I saw in the way that people seem to socialize in Norway.
Social frames.
They call them frames, but really bubbles would be the word we use.
Aubrey are a big deal apparently in Norwegian society.
So there are certain moments when you can insert yourself into the society, like if you're an expat.
And there's not as many as I think there are in the U.S.
If your kids are going to daycare, you're meeting other parents.
If you're in college or university, you're making friends.
If you're on a sports team, you're making friends.
Work, volunteer clubs.
But that's pretty much it.
So there's not a lot of opportunities to really get in there.
And these are all separate social bubbles from what I understood.
Super interesting.
Yeah, this is really interesting.
And of course, we do this in the United States too.
But the question is, how much does a culture integrate these different bubbles, right?
Are we trying to introduce friends from these different groups?
Exactly.
And that's what we're talking about today.
So, again, I could be wrong and I can't wait to hear from our listeners in Norway.
But from what I understood is these groups don't seem to integrate all that much.
So let's say I have three frames or three bubbles.
I have my university friends.
I have my run club after work and I have my kids daycare.
From what I understand is, if I were hosting a party for myself, maybe I wouldn't necessarily bring them together.
And that was the key difference that I saw. versus American culture?
Because would you do that, Aubrey, if you were hosting a birthday party?
Would you seek to bring all your bubbles together?
Or would you just say, I'm only inviting this bubble...
I'm not going to invite everybody and they're going to have to meet each other and get along.
Yeah.
This actually just happened.
We had a Labor Day barbecue and I invited volleyball friends because we wanted to play pool volleyball, and And I invited neighbor friends.
And so it is interesting.
Sometimes I will think about maybe I won't invite any family.
It would sort of be maybe if we did family, it would just be family.
So sometimes I will think about like, Yeah.
You know, which bubbles aren't going to necessarily get along.
Maybe, if there's going to be alcohol consumption and I know people who are uncomfortable with that I might not invite them.
So there will be certain things that would keep me from inviting one bubble.
But for the most part, I just invite everyone.
And that's kind of what I thought you would say when I thought about recording this episode with you.
I think that's typical of most people, right?
There may be some caveats where you're not gonna make certain bubbles because of certain hot topics or certain things.
But for the most part, yeah, I'm the same way.
If I have like a 50th birthday party, I want to invite all my bubbles.
I want everyone to kind of know each other.
But what I understood from the tour and from a few things talking with people, it sounds like it's too socially risky necessarily to do those intros.
And I wish I had followed up on that question more.
Well, I don't disagree.
I don't know about socially risky, but sometimes awkward.
I have definitely been in the situation where I invite people from different bubbles and some of them sort of only will talk to me or the people they already know.
I see them not putting themselves out there, not trying to meet others.
So then...
The onus is on me to introduce them, try to give them a reason to talk to each other.
Let them know what they have in common, because they won't always do it on their own.
Right.
No, that's a good point.
And this does have remnants of American culture, right?
I mean, there are parallels here for sure.
I kind of also felt like, especially living in like the Northeast, there were some remnants of I don't know.
Just yeah, I agree.
There's some risk there because...
Do we internalize that if this person can't mix with that person?
Is that our fault?
Like we feel like it's our fault on some level.
Right.
And if you're the party host, you want everyone having fun, everyone comfortable.
And so that you do feel either guilt or just awkwardness if people aren't mixing.
And so it can be a little tricky.
It's definitely easier to invite only people who know each other.
Yeah, totally.
But that's not really reality as an adult, because we do have these bubbles, because we have different aspects of our lives and hopefully, we have multiple bubbles.
But there are reasons why we would want to intro people.
Have you heard about this study, this idea of weak ties?
Did you ever hear that term, Aubrey?
No, I don't think so.
So there was this research study done by the Stanford sociologist Mark Grenover in 73 so it was a while back already but he found that weak ties, which are casual connections, meaning not your friend directly but your friend's friend.
Those tend to be more powerful in terms of professional networking.
And as adults, we're always kind of doing both a little bit, right?
We're not handing out business cards at picnics, but I think business and social kind of mix together sometimes, right.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Right.
So he surveyed 282 people and found that weak ties are more powerful in terms of getting new jobs.
So this would be a reason to actually do it.
I definitely don't disagree.
At that same Labor Day barbecue, there was someone who was thinking about transitioning from one career to something else.
And I overheard a conversation that he had with a neighbor who had connections potentially, and was offering to help.
You know, get him an insight.
So this, he was able to build his network there and that potentially could be really helpful.
Yes, I think that makes total sense.
And those weak ties will help you more, which kind of makes sense, because then you have access to this whole other network that you might not be aware of.
Right.
So what we want to do is encourage our listeners here to think about your own culture.
Do you blend your bubbles?
Is it socially encouraged to blend your bubbles?
Maybe that'll be our poll question for today, Aubrey.
For some of us, it's like some of both, right?
It depends.
There's a lot of.
It depends, but just let us know, would you be more likely to blend bubbles or do you really avoid that?
Yeah, super interesting.
And then, as we talked about at the top of the episode, Aubrey.
For today, we want our listeners to come away with the skills to do it if they want to do it.
Because maybe in your home culture you don't, but maybe now you're in the US or somewhere else where you definitely want to do that, to expand your network even further and expand others' networks, right.
Yes, exactly.
So let's share some phrases that you can use when you're in this situation where you need to introduce mutual friends that don't know each other.
So for example, you can bring them together and just say, have you guys met?
Yeah.
Or have you both met?
Or have y'all met?
Yeah.
Yeah, this was the laziest, easiest way.
Sometimes I mean not forgetting friends' names, but if there's someone I vaguely know and I want to introduce the person to someone else but I don't know their name, I'll just bring them together and say have you all met?
Yeah.
And it's actually really smart because, especially if they've both been at the party for a little while but you haven't had a chance to meet them, they maybe did introduce themselves to each other.
So they maybe will say, yes, we met, we were just chatting, which will inform what you say next.
Exactly.
And if they haven't met the frame here, like the social frame, is that they go ahead and introduce themselves.
That is the automatic thing we're expected to do in English.
If someone if there's a third party and the third party says, have you two met?
And you haven't, what happens next always, Aubrey, is someone introduces themselves, right?
Exactly, right?
Hi, I'm Aubrey.
Nice to meet you.
Exactly.
And exactly.
Do you give each other names?
Yes.
Definitely.
Yes.
And then from there...
Yes.
Yes.
And I love that.
That's so smart.
Because it means that you know both people.
You're articulating that you know them.
It's a connection skill already.
And it makes them feel more confident.
So giving them the confidence boost to go over and say hi or to be part of that introduction, right.
And to give them something to ask each other about.
Whatever you say, you know, then we come, oh, you're outdoorsy.
Do you like to hike?
You're going to have this that you can jumpstart a conversation about.
Huge.
That's a really good one.
So write that down, listeners.
But we have more.
That's not only the only ones.
What else, Aubrey?
Exactly.
You could also say, oh, hey.
Janet, have you met my friend Lindsay?
She and I know each other from, and then you share, right?
We're volleyball friends.
We know each other from a running club, whatever it is college, grad school.
However, you know each other.
Let this mutual friend know, you know, how you are connected to this friend.
And again, even this even just gives a little bit of information.
If you say we met in grad school, maybe this person goes and talks to their new friend and says Oh, where did you go to grad school?
You went to school in Boston, which school and then you're off to the races, right?
Exactly.
Right.
This gives you, again, the starting point for an interesting conversation.
If nothing else, they can ask you about your connection to this person.
Right. they could continue chatting instead of awkwardly walking away from each other.
Right.
Give people that heads up, that boost there.
The next one is just, again, more simple, but very natural, right?
Very common. saying something like, oh, I've been wanting to introduce you to Lindsay.
Let's say we see, or we see Jen over in the corner and I see Jen and you and I Aubrey, are at a party and I've been wanting to introduce you to Jen.
So maybe now you and I walk over to her, for example.
Yes.
And then these others would start.
Exactly.
Because often you'll be chatting with just one person away from anyone else.
So rather than be like, Jen, come over here.
The more polite thing in American culture would be to bring your friend to them.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
You're right.
That's a good point, Aubrey.
That would be a little bit rude if you're like, Jen, come here.
Come here.
Right.
It would be fine.
But you're being summoned.
Exactly.
All right.
What's the last one?
The last one is you should talk to and then name them.
And then maybe, you know, he's the one I was telling you about who works for Intel.
You're both in tech, whatever it is, right?
Yes.
You are going to same either...
If they're right by you, then it's easy.
You just start the conversation or lead them over to the other person.
And this is great to be like.
Oh, if you have already shared information about this friend, which is usually the case, right?
This is the person I was telling you about.
If you think about it, it's kind of awkward to not give any context.
Right.
It's like, hey, I want you to meet this person.
OK, bye.
Have fun.
You know it's kind of weird, but this should give our listeners permission, you know, as long as you're in a culture where it's accepted.
Do this.
Introduce people.
Let people create those weak ties that may eventually become strong ties but could help their career and just build a more robust life full of connections.
Right, Aubrey?
Absolutely.
Not only will you make your party a lot more fun and you'll have a lot more diversity of friends from different backgrounds, but also, like you said Lindsay, you are really setting up your friends to be able to network and make other good friends.
You got it nice.
I'll see you next time. on other sites.
Give your job the best chance to be seen with Indeed sponsored jobs.
It makes a big difference.
According to Indeed data, Sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 90 more likely to report a hire than non-sponsored jobs, because you reach a bigger pool of quality candidates.
If I needed to hire a new blog writer to join our team here at All Ears English, I'd be super specific.
I would look for someone with two years of experience and WordPress expertise.
Indeed can deliver on these specifications.
Spend more time interviewing candidates who check all your boxes.
Less stress, less time, more results now with Indeed sponsored jobs.
And listeners of this show will get a 75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at Indeedcom.
Just go to Indeedcom.
Slash A-E-E right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast.
I N D E E D.com slash a E E terms and conditions apply hiring.
Do it the right way with indeed.
So welcome back for our role play here.
And we have a very special guest for those who are watching on YouTube, you noticed, because we need three voices for this role play.
So my husband Cole here is going to help us out.
Actually, I'll give you a little background.
This roleplay is a birthday party.
Lindsay is chatting with me, your friend Aubrey, and another friend of yours, Mark, arrives.
All right, let's get into it.
Here we go.
Oh, hey, Mark.
Glad you made it.
Have you guys met?
Aubrey, this is Mark.
He and I know each other from running club.
No, I don't think we've met.
Hi.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
Aubrey and I are college friends.
So actually, you guys have a lot in common since you both rock climb.
Oh, that's awesome.
Where do you climb?
Mostly at Phoenix on the Rocks, but I boulder outside sometimes.
What about you?
I love Phoenix on the Rocks.
That's a great gym.
You'll have to tell me about your bouldering spots.
I don't know very many.
And Aubrey, you should know, Mark's the one I was telling you about who writes for The New Yorker.
Oh, I've been wanting to meet you.
Lindsay mentioned you've written some really interesting articles.
How long have you been doing that?
Awesome.
Thank you for joining us, Cole.
We appreciate your help on this roleplay.
Excellent.
Thank you, Cole.
Thanks.
All right.
So let's go through this role play here.
Yeah, let's do it.
You first started by saying, you know, oh, hey, Mark, glad you made it.
Yeah.
And then I'm standing there closely.
So you say, have you guys met?
Aubrey, this is Mark.
And then right away you say, he and I know each other from running club.
So you're giving me so many reasons to be there for the conversation, pulling me in.
I love it.
Such a strong way to start it off.
And we see what you have in common.
Really, really good.
And then what else do we say, Aubrey?
What are the key phrases here?
So then, like we're saying, that's where we would introduce each other.
We haven't met yet, right?
You had said my name, Aubrey.
This is Mark.
So I don't need to say my name's Aubrey, but I just say, no, I don't think we've met.
Hi.
And then because you've given both our names, you know, he said, hi, nice to meet you.
And then you use this strategy of sharing how you know me.
Right.
Aubrey and I are college friends.
Yes.
And then right away jumping into actually, you guys have a lot in common.
You both rock climb.
I love that.
I love that.
And that's really going to get the conversation going.
And then what else do we say here?
And then it's interesting because it's not all on the host, right?
I then said, that's awesome.
Where do you climb?
I immediately am building on that.
At that point, you could walk away.
We're going to be talking about rock climbing, right?
I'm pulling him into this conversation, asking for details about this thing that we have in common.
And it really is a cool feeling if you've made that introduction and you feel that you can now walk away.
That is success right there.
Exactly.
Right.
Yeah.
And you could.
Right.
Then he starts saying oh, I climb at Phoenix on the rocks and I boulder outdoors and we could chat about that for an hour probably.
Probably.
So if you need to go answer the door or refill the chips, you could.
Yes, I love it.
And then let's see, I said, and Aubrey, you should know.
So I haven't actually left the conversation quite yet.
Right.
I said, you should know Mark's the one I was telling you about who writes for The New Yorker.
So just a tiny little little bit of extra information to refer back to a conversation we've already had.
Yes, and this is where you're giving the chance to network.
Maybe I'm a writer, maybe I'm a freelancer, right?
Or maybe you just know that I would be interested.
I read The New Yorker.
I would be interested in these articles.
So it's just that opportunity you're giving people to know a little bit more about each other, so they realize they actually have a lot to talk about.
Love it.
And then you said, oh, I've been wanting to meet you.
Right.
So that's exciting, because now the person you're being introduced to is probably going to want to talk with you because you're showing that enthusiasm.
Right.
And what a compliment.
For someone to know that you have spoken highly of them in the past, right?
Oh, Mark's the one I was telling you about who writes for The New Yorker.
It's very clear that you are proud of this friend and their accomplishments.
That's such a great way to connect.
Yes, so good.
What a good role play here, Aubrey.
What is our takeaway for today's episode?
Yeah, the question is, do you blend your bubbles?
And if not, maybe you should, right?
Even if in your culture, it's not quite as common.
There are so many reasons to do this.
So I think it's interesting to think about.
Certainly there are reasons not to.
So it could go either way, but a lot of reasons to blend those bubbles.
Yeah.
And then, if we want to think even deeper on the cultural level, which I love going deep, think about the more interesting question which is always to me.
It's always why is something the way it is culturally?
What is it about a country?
You know, if you, if you think your country is maybe a country that doesn't blend bubbles, why is that?
Is it something about the history, the geography, the weather, the economic structures?
Like, what is it that's created that social norm?
Right?
Yes.
Right?
Because those weak ties you were talking about could really be the key to success, either for you or one of your friends in business.
Just making new friends, making new connections.
So if you find out why or discover sort of why, you might realize.
This isn't something that I have to follow.
I can try to mix these bubbles and see what could grow from it.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I mean even in very old countries right, that have a long history.
We don't have to keep doing something the way we've always done it, right?
We could change that.
Things can change.
So super interesting.
Guys, if you love...
Our style of connection, not perfection.
Hit the follow button on the show right now.
Good stuff, Aubrey.
Awesome.
Thanks for bringing this insight from your trip, Lindsay.
Always super interesting.
Yeah.
Travel is always the best way to get great episode ideas, don't you think?
Absolutely.
I agree.
All right.
Talk to you soon.
Have a good day.
You too.
Bye.
Thanks for listening to All Ears English.
Would you like to know your English level?
Take our two minute quiz.
Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score.
And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything.
See you next time.
So fast.
Or like a month.
With OfferWatch.
So, want to drive?
CarMax.
Pickup not available everywhere.
Restrictions and fee may apply.
