This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2431.
Can you make it RSVP etiquette for weddings and parties in English?
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Important event coming up?
Did you send out your invitations weeks ago, but you're still waiting to hear if important people can attend?
Today, find out exactly what you can say to check if they are coming in English.
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Hi, Michelle. How's it going today?
Good. Lindsay, how are you?
Excellent, excellent.
What are we talking about in the show?
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Lindsay, when is the last time you threw a party that required an RSVP?
Probably my wedding, actually, and wedding RSVPs are pretty serious, right?
Yes. Yes, exactly, so we're gonna be talking about this more today.
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Exactly, Michelle. You got it.
All right. So you asked me when's the last time I threw an RSVP required party.
So what does this have to do with today's topic?
Yeah, well, today we're going to talk about how to ask someone if they're coming to your party if they haven't responded so oh yeah yeah that can be it can be yeah it can be really awkward but this happens right people who lose track of things um they they might not realize that they that they missed the date or you know whatever it may be i mean so recently i had my daughter's birthday party so that was a little bit you know it depends on how how important it is that you know the RSVP. So my daughter's birthday party, it was just something we threw at the house.
So it wasn't something I was going crazy over.
But of course, there are always going to be people at the end where you have to reach out or you have to say something, but more serious, like you said, would be weddings, maybe graduation parties.
Weddings is the biggest one.
Weddings are big, at least in American culture.
I mean, it's probably, I think it's probably different around the world, but I can tell you in American culture, I mean, I mean, we have to know how many people are coming to the wedding so we can know how much food to order, how many place settings to create.
Seating arrangements.
Amount of drinks. I mean, it's really important.
So don't ignore a wedding invite.
Please. No. There's usually a date on the invitation.
Please respond by, right?
Lindsay, be honest though, have you ever forgotten to respond for a wedding?
Or any? I got an invite yesterday, actually, just an e -vite for our neighbors are having a birthday party.
And I thought I was going to forget.
So I said, we have to do this now because we're going on vacation.
So I did it. I was worried I would just let it go.
I think those kinds are the most dangerous because they can drop down to your email inbox.
I mean, after 24 hours, my emails are buried, right?
So I knew it was going to happen, Michelle.
So I just took action.
That's good. Yeah, I know.
I can that that's my issue, too.
Sometimes it can fall down on my email and Evite and then I don't even realize it.
Luckily, there's usually some sort of reminder, but you can you can still miss things.
And so I definitely I definitely have had that happen to me before.
But but I try to be good about it.
But I think everybody knows this can happen with Evite.
OK, so let's talk about it.
What can you say? if you need to know if someone is coming to the party.
Yep. This is the key skill for today's episode, right?
So let's say the person is not RSVP'd for whatever reason and you now need to go after them, right?
And see what's going on.
So there are certain, so we want to say this in a certain way, right?
So we could say, hey, did you get the invite to the party?
This is a little more inconspicuous.
It's kind of asking them without asking them.
Right, right. Right.
You're just, you're asking a different question.
Right. Right. It sounds more like you're, you're wondering if they actually got it.
You just want to make sure they got it.
But really what you want to know is yes or no. Right.
Because you're prompting them even without saying it.
So that's a good inconspicuous way to do it.
Um, uh, but a direct way would just be, are you going to be able to come to the, whatever, are you going to be able to come to the bridal shower?
Or can you make it to the bridal shower?
So make it is a little bit more casual, right?
Right to make it, right?
We're not saying to actually make something.
But can you make it means can you come?
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Okay, and there are other things we could say too, Michelle.
For example, the RSVP date for the wedding is July 13th.
can you let me know if you're coming by then?
That's very direct.
And maybe this person has a history of not RSVPing in your circle of friends, right?
So you're just saying, you're putting everything out there.
Yeah, you need to know.
But a less direct way would be, I was just wondering, right?
We always talk about, oh, I was just wondering if blah, blah, blah.
I was just wondering if you think you'll be be able to make it to the graduation party?
Yeah. And it's even less direct by adding, if you think it makes it even less direct than saying, I was just wondering if you'll be able, if you think you'll be able is a further indirect stepping back.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It really is very light touch. Yes.
Yes, yes, yes. Exactly.
But what do you think?
I mean, I, I, I didn't, um, you know, write about this in our plans, but Lindsay, what do you think I think is if somebody didn't reach out to you, would you be more likely to ask them in person or would you be more likely to text them or if you're trying to get their RSVP?
I think I would just I would do whatever was my next way of communicating with them.
Right. Like if I typically communicate by text, I might but I might go for did you get the invite?
Because it's a good it's a good strategy because they have to say the next obvious question is, are you coming or not?
right? Right. Right.
Or maybe they didn't get it.
And then if they didn't get it, um, then that will solve the problem.
You'll understand what's going on.
Yeah. Yep. Yep. Exactly.
And that's why a lot of the times, I mean, can we, uh, did you do for your wedding?
Did you do a save the date?
We did a save the date.
Yep. Save the date.
Very typical thing do usually you might see so normally wedding invites would go out what, like two or three months in advance, something like that too.
Yeah. I'm not sure, but a wedding, But a wedding save -the -date would come more like nine months or six months in advance.
You just want to make sure those people save, especially if you have a summer wedding, people go away, people travel.
So you're saying don't make any plans.
It's not an official invite, but you will be invited if you're getting that.
Kind of a funny thing when you think about it.
You're invited, but you're not actually invited yet.
You're invited, but you might not have all the details, but you have the date.
And so, yeah, that's definitely a good thing to send out.
People can start to make plans and know that they have to reserve that date.
Yeah, that's good. Did you save the dates for your wedding?
I think so. Yeah, I think so.
It's so funny. All the wedding stuff seems so long ago, but I'm going to a wedding in a little more than a month.
And I'm a bridesmaid.
You're a bridesmaid?
Oh, Michelle, that's great.
I think this is I think this is it I think this will be my last time being a bridesmaid but my son is a ring bearer and my daughter's flower girl so we're working on yeah last night we had my son we got in his little tuxedo and he oh my gosh that must be so cute so cute so now I'm waiting on flower girl dresses to try on so very exciting oh that'll be fun I'm going to a wedding this weekend but I'm not in the wedding so okay it's not it's not a it's a special responsibility responsibility when you're in the wedding party, you know, it's a different thing.
Yes. Yeah, for sure.
Exactly. Exactly. All right.
Well, we're going to do two role plays here.
So here we the first one, we are friends and I invited you to my bridal shower.
The RSVP date is in one day and we run into each other at the grocery store.
Oh, boy. Okay. Here.
Oh, all right. Hey, Lindsay.
Oh, hi. How are you?
Great. You really good.
Thanks. Oh, did you get the invite to the bridal shower?
Yes, I've been meaning to RSVP. I'm so sorry.
I can come. Oh, perfect.
Can't wait. Nice. Yeah, because it can be a little anxiety provoking if you don't know if those important people can come.
Right? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I know it's always exciting.
You know, I'm sure when you were getting your RSVPs for your wedding, it's very exciting to check the mail and see who's coming.
Yeah, it's a special moment.
The best part was the seating chart.
My spouse loved doing that.
That was a really fun thing to do.
You figure who goes next to whom and all these things.
Do I sound sarcasm?
No. No. That was actually really fun.
Actually, you really enjoyed it.
We actually really enjoyed it.
The idea of, oh, this person's single.
Maybe we can put this person next to this person.
Who would get along?
Who would find this person annoying?
Who would find this person entertaining?
That kind of thing.
It's a subtle art of matchmaking among people.
That's funny. Yeah, I guess that's a good way of looking at it.
Did you do like table cards or like?
Yeah, we did like a board. Oh, okay.
A board. How does that work?
Like, oh, just in front of the table, people's names, so people can sit wherever they want?
It was like one big board and it had a list of everybody.
I remember like at the time that was kind of the new trendy thing, but I feel like it's gone back.
I don't know. Oh, okay.
Okay. Yeah. So either way, it's good to kind of curate that a little bit just so people are, you know, and then when you you are a guest, you're always wondering, I wonder what they were thinking when they put me next to this person?
What do they think about me?
It's fascinating. So anyway, you use the one that I like the best. Did you get the invite to the bridal shower?
Right? Yep. Yep. Exactly.
So let's do one more.
So here we are childhood friends and you invited me to your dad's surprise birthday party, but I haven't responded and you're giving me a call.
okay all right here we go hey michelle how are you i'm good thanks you good good hey i was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make the surprise party oh my gosh i yes i'm so sorry oh that's okay okay yeah so you must have either forgotten to respond or lost the invite or it just slipped your mind right yep yep yep yep so um yeah i just said no you said said, I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make the surprise party.
So very, if you think you'll be able.
And I was just wondering.
Very indirect. Yeah.
Right. Yeah. So we're all we're all on good terms. Everything's OK.
We don't need to be hunting people down.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right. Guys, another episode to check out now would be it's called This Is Not Just a Run of the Mill Episode.
Is that a recent one, Michelle.
I think I'm pretty sure.
So it's a it's a I believe it was a Saturday episode.
Okay, sassy Saturday.
All right. Yeah. So it was somewhere between episode 2421 and 2422.
But just a few bag.
Nice. Go check that one out, guys.
And Michelle, where should we leave our listeners on the subtle art of getting someone to RSVP?
Yeah, I like the way you put it.
It is an art um yeah you know you always have to think about what that person is going through how if this is kind of a pattern with that person or if you think they genuinely just forgot um so i think all these things help us direct how we ask people but in general guys a cultural thing good good to remember to rsvp if you're going to a party in the u .s make sure you keep track of that rsvp date um so you can let the person know if you're coming yeah the best thing to do is if you know you can make it or can't make it just rsvp as soon as you get the invite that keeps it simple and makes everyone's lives
less stressful yes exactly all right good stuff guys if you love our style we believe in connection not perfection here so we bring every episode back to human connection what does it mean for you and your relationships hit the follow button if you like the way we do english teaching.
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Good stuff. All right, Michelle, talk to you soon.
All right. Bye. Bye.
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