This is an all ears English podcast episode 2409 don't let it get cold restaurant English for connection Welcome to the all ears English podcast Downloaded more than 200 million times.
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We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on Connection not perfection with your American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer and Michelle Kaplan the New York radio girl coming to you from Colorado and New York City, U -S -A.
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What happens when you dine with someone at a restaurant and their food arrives at the table first?
Should you just start eating?
Whose responsibility is it to communicate?
And what can you say?
Get all of this today.
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Hey there, Michelle.
What's shaking? Oh, not too much, Lindsay.
Lindsay. When was the last time you ate at a restaurant?
Oh my gosh. I ate at a fast casual place over the weekend.
It was actually a Bann Mi place, which was really good, but it was more of a, the kind where they bring it to your table.
That's not table service.
It's more like counter service, but they bring it to you kind of.
Yeah. What about you, Michelle?
Did you go out to eat this weekend?
Did I go out to eat this weekend?
I. Oh, I did. I did.
I didn't go out, but I did.
Indian take out. I brought in home so that that's always a good choice.
When you go to a restaurant, though, do you tend to order cold or hot food or does it depend on the time of the day?
Or I think it depends on the time of the day.
I'm more likely to order.
And this is something that's interesting.
That's different, I think, between our culture and maybe European cultures.
I really like a good sandwich like a cold lunch I like I don't mind something hot but I'm not used to it I don't need it I don't need a hot lunch in the middle of the day a full meal because when I think hot hot meal I think Full meal like a cooked meal Do you agree with that?
Are you in the same page on the same?
Yeah, I think I eat Yeah, I would say that I eat a lot of sandwiches for lunch or salad stuff like that So yeah, I would say it depends on the time of the day.
But today so this is gonna be a lot of fun Lindsey, we're gonna talk about a very common situation that happens at restaurants and what you can say, and this really gets into culture as well.
So I'm going to be very curious to hear feedback from our listeners.
Yes. Yes. I think it's, you know, we can learn the language all day every day, but then when we're in a culture we don't have those cues or know what those norms are.
And that could really get us into some trouble.
right? Michelle? Yep.
Exactly. So before we get into this more, we are going to share some poll results that we have from our Spotify poll from a little while ago, so that was from episode 23 85.
Oh my gosh, that was a fun one.
It was ordering the court everyday courtroom English.
Oh my gosh, I am excited to see if we can record more episodes like this because well everyone, obviously now we know everyone loves a good, almost everyone Michelle, loves a good courtroom drama.
What was the question?
Yeah it was again do you like to watch courtroom shows?
Yes or no? Right? Yeah.
And yeah so I was I was pretty I was pretty surprised actually because it was even more than I then I kind of imagined so yes with 77 percent of our listeners who answered the poll and no was 22 I guess 23 percent if Probably there's a rounding error there, but um, yeah.
Yeah the 22 percent don't um, yeah I don't really watch them.
I'm okay with a courtroom movie, but I don't really watch the shows.
Yeah Yeah, I know we always have on TV special victims unit SVU.
What is it law and order SVU?
That's I guess that's kind of a crime and a courtroom show.
It's a little bit of both Yeah, but why do you think people Aubrey and I chatted about this a few weeks ago?
why are some people so intrigued by true crime courtroom stuff legal stuff I guess because there's a lot of information that you can find out it's almost like a mystery right oh something that's what I would say what about you what do you think yeah I think I think people love to solve the crime you know it goes back to you remember the movie clue it's all about solving the crime people love that stuff so I'm not shocked by our results here on Spotify.
Well, guys, thank you for answering that poll.
Yeah. Definitely check out that episode 2385.
Again. So Lindsey, the situation that we're going to talk about is when someone's food comes out before someone else's and you're at you're sitting at the table, you get your food and you know, or maybe most of the people get their food and the other person doesn't at their food yet.
So, yeah. Food doesn't always come out at the same time, of course, right?
It depends. I mean, maybe some restaurants try and make sure that that happens, but a lot of times it could be that someone's waiting, somebody, maybe somebody ordered a burger well done and theirs is going to take longer.
Right. So it really depends.
So Lindsay, so the question is if your food comes out first, do you start eating or do you wait?
You're checking my manners right now.
You're checking my manners.
So well, my answer is no, I don't, I don't start diving in.
The only exception to that is if I've ordered an appetizer.
And usually when I order an app, I wanna share the app, right?
So it'd be in the middle.
I think that's the easiest thing to do.
But if for some reason there was an appetizer, like a pre meal salad, that I had ordered myself, I would start eating that because the person knows you ordered an app, I didn't order an app, but no Michelle.
Otherwise it's awkward. It's awkward. What I'll do is I'll sort of like maybe pick up my fork and pick at it a little bit just to not because, but then the other person has to give me a cue to start eating and it's, oh man.
Yeah, so this is, I mean this is a very common situation.
So guys, you will find yourself in these situations.
I think to me, people do both.
People might wait or they might not.
And I think it depends on how your meal is supposed to be eaten.
So, yeah, like if I get a salad, let's say not an appetized salad.
Let's say my main meal is a salad.
I probably wait because it's meant to be cold.
Yes, it should be cold.
Yes, it should be cold.
And so I'm not going to be in a rush to eat it.
It's not waiting a few minutes.
It's fine. Now, if I get a soup or a pizza, something that's meant to be eaten hot, there is a chance that I will eat.
but yeah, we have to go into that now right.
Right. Right. I mean, I think for me, it's all about the cues.
It's all it's almost like getting permission from your dining partner to go ahead.
And I think it's all the responsibility is on the person who doesn't have their meal yet to say something like oh please, please start eating.
I don't want it to get cold in a way right.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Because if you want to eat, that's okay.
But I mean on your end, you know, you might just say, I'm sorry, I'm eating, I just didn't want it to get cold, right?
But again, like Lindsay says, I think in that situation, it may actually make sense for the person who didn't get their food yet to say something like, more than make sense.
I think they should and they need to and the other person is, it should be waiting in a sense.
I mean, yes, like, you can go ahead and eat, but I don't, I would feel a little weird saying that, like, I'm sorry, I'm eating and I'm already eating.
That could be a personality difference, do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't know, I think it depends.
We'll also talk about relationships.
I mean like yes, I think I think it's okay for like, Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm eating you know, every I don't know.
I see people do that.
Or I might do it. It really depends on the relationship.
There's so many does that go into this situation?
That's seemingly very simple, but there's a lot that could go into it.
Like, I'm sure if you're with your partner or your parents.
Oh no, no, no, no, totally.
Yeah, totally. So if we're in a business lunch or someone new, It's a very different and no question.
You're gonna wait for some kind of cue And in these situations, we kind of just hope everyone has a certain level of social skill, right?
Otherwise someone's staring at a at a meal getting cold a little bit, right?
So right, right Yeah, you have to kind of be aware of what?
You know if somebody else gets their food first, what is it?
I mean if and if you're half if you're if this happens and you're waiting for your food pay attention what are they eating?
If if it's cold? I would say it's fine, unless like, I don't know, if it's taking such a long time, then that's another situation.
But generally, if it's somebody if if, you know, somebody has a soup or somebody has a chicken hot meal, you know, you want to pay attention.
So I mean, what? What can you say if you're that person and you want to give that permission?
Yeah, 100%. Yeah, exactly.
Michelle. So that's, that's what we're saying.
We're teaching the phrase today for the person who does not have the food yet, right?
Because like we said, the responsibility is kind of on that person to go ahead and let the person know, please eat.
So, what we can say one thing is, oh, don't wait for me, you know, don't wait for me, please eat, right?
Or a combination of these thing, really a combination, right?
Or eat, don't let your food get cold, please, right?
And there, there would be some gesturing and that would be a warm, you know, and that would give that person permission, okay, I'll eat slowly, you know, I'll pick up my fork, that sort of thing.
Right, yes, exactly, yeah.
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I mean, another thing is if you get your food first, it's good to check in, right, especially if it's taking a long time.
So if the other person doesn't have their food and it's 10 minutes that everyone's waiting or even, you could still just say, oh, you didn't get your food yet or your food didn't come yet.
Yeah, exactly. And there's a lot of variations because I wonder what's going on with your food, or you could maybe take the lead of raising your hand and just inquiring and say, and learning about the status of the meal, right?
Right. Yeah, interesting.
Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead.
No, I was just going to say it's just good to show that you care if you're, if you're aware of what's going on with these things that the other person should be eating as well.
Right. Because to me it seems very asynchronous and weird. If one person is just shoveling food into their mind the other person just kind of sitting Sitting there looking around, it's just very weird. It's very weird. It's kind of antithetical to what dining together means and what you're supposed to be doing, right?
Debra -Yeah. So that's a good point.
Right because you don't want to eat your whole thing and then they get their food, right, and then they're eating it.
Something doesn't feel right.
It seems silly, but it's just something about actually eating together.
Nicole -Yeah. I mean, I think a good restaurant won't let this happen most of the time, unless it's some kind of exceptional dish that has to go out right away, most good restaurants will make sure you re served at the same time, right?
Right, right, exactly.
Or with a few minutes of each other.
Yeah, I mean Lindsey, so, yeah, we were kind of talking about the relationships and how it could change depending on how you re, how close you are with someone, if it s at a business lunch, I mean, if, like, if, To me, you probably don't need to say much to someone you're super close with.
You might say, oh, sorry, I'm eating but you might not.
Like if Dan gets something and I mean, then he'll probably be picking at my food, right?
There are some people where it's just so close to them.
You don't need to think about this really.
Well, that's actually a good point.
So unless you have like a salad, which is kind of awkward to share, if you get served first and they give you permission to go ahead and eat, I might say, would you like to share?
You know, would you like some?
Would you like to try some?
I might make that more of a community dish at that point.
Salads are a little awkward, but anything that could be shared, I would say, please share.
Let's share. I feel like that's probably really common globally.
I think globally, like when I lived in Japan, Michelle, it was all sharing, and I love that.
I love that style. In the Isekai, you would go out.
No one had their own plate.
No one. We just ordered, and you probably did this in Japan too we just ordered 10 plates from a table of 10 of us and then it would just pick.
Everybody picks it.
It was amazing, yeah.
What do we call this?
Do you know what, this is what I call this but I don't know if, are you thinking of the same term?
I don't have a word in my head.
I would call this family style.
Yeah, family style, yes.
Totally. But I don't know if everybody calls it that so like that's where just everybody picks at it you're not getting, you know, one, this happens a lot if like for example we order Chinese food, there are certain, there are certain cuisines that if we order we generally tend oh we're going to order a few dishes and just everybody takes a little bit of everything so you get to try it.
You get to try it and I also think you end up eating a little less.
At least I know I did in Japan for for sure because the servings are smaller which was great but in the US I think we we tend to get a big plate of sort of maybe sometimes sort of average food whereas As in my travels, I would share a plate of great food, and I would rather share a plate of great food.
Do you know what I mean?
Don't get me wrong, we have some good restaurants in the US, but you know what I mean, it's a different style.
You know, I think overall, we want to think about who we're with.
If you're at a business lunch, I would say definitely wait.
Just how formal is it?
Who are you with? How well do you know them?
Um, and, uh, I think that's what it really comes down to.
I won't, I don't think that with your spouse, you have to, uh, really wade and be so formal.
So... No, I think you're right.
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
But let's do a couple of role plays of how this would look.
Okay, here we are friends and I ordered a salad and it came out first. But it's been two minutes.
So you, Michelle, are just sitting there twiddling your thumbs, right?
Yup. All right, here we go.
So I'm you know, I'm thinking of starting to picket my food and I say oh your food didn't come out yet No, it's okay.
Please eat. Don't wait for me.
It's okay. It's a salad.
I'll wait for you Okay.
Thanks And honestly in a conversation in you may just continue the conversation So here after I say you say oh, it's okay.
It's a salad. I'll wait for you, right?
um, your next thing, you might just go back to what we were talking about, right?
You might say, oh, and what about this thing that happened last week?
Right, right. It's so organic and natural.
Right. It does. You're right.
It does just kind of slip into in the very middle of a conversation, right?
Somebody might be, like, for example, you might have been in the beginning of that role -play telling a story.
And so, anyway, and then all of a sudden you look out because you started to eat and then you said, wait, your food didn't come yet?
And then, yes, it's very Very organic.
It's very much yeah that is really interesting so should we go into scenario two here Michelle?
scenario two we are co -workers now at a business lunch we were moderately close okay I got a soup um butternut squash soup I don't know um yeah and it came up first and Lindsey didn't get her food yet oh no awkward okay sorry Lindsey I'm eating I'm just so hungry.
Michelle, please eat.
Don't let your soup get cold.
Okay, thanks Lindsay.
Yeah, yeah. Nice, okay, love it.
Yeah, so that's another way.
Some of this comes down, like we said, relationship, your personality, how hungry you are at times.
We're all a little bit different around this particular moment of taking the initiative and going ahead to eat.
But the point is articulating it, right.
And a lot of the onus is on the person who didn't get the food.
I think that's one of our key points for today, right?
Yes, exactly. So in this role play, I got the food and then I went for and I said, sorry, I'm eating, I'm just so hungry.
I mean, listen, I think if you at least say something, I think it's okay, personally.
Especially because I said, we're moderately close.
But again, it's generally probably better to wait for the other person, but here you weren't saying anything, Lindsey.
So what choice did I have?
I know I know I know right it's on it's on the person who didn't get their food again like we said so keeping in mind for our listeners if you notice that The person got their food and you're sitting there.
It's on you to go ahead and please say something right?
That's our recommendation our cultural recommendation Recommendation and then you said please eat don't let your soup get cold.
Yeah, you gave me that permission, but I had already done it You could also you know what what I might do So this is a personality difference and if I were in this scenario, I might actually say do you mind if I start?
I'm worried. It's gonna get cold.
Something like that.
Yeah But that's just like that's just personal personal preference or a personal style All right, love it, right And again, it just depends also like I'm thinking about a lunch that I want to recently and it it was I didn't know the people it was something for my husband's work and it was like Everybody was very casual even though I didn't know them very well You've gotta, you've gotta feel for the group, you know?
Yeah, totally, totally.
There's a lot of, what we have to do is just sense the environment and get a sense of what's going on.
So love it. What's the takeaway for today?
I mean, that's the takeaway.
Be proactive in communicating, right?
In these scenarios.
Right, right. Exactly.
Don't be in a daze when your food comes out, right?
No, you have to do some thinking and checking and just, you know.
It's nothing crazy or anything too serious, but I'll do it with a quick scan and see if everybody has their food Yeah taking care of the person in front of us, right?
That's good communication and connection So guys go ahead and hit the follow button on this show to make sure you get more all ears English All right.
All right. All right, Lindsey.
All right. I'm hungry.
I'll talk to you later Thanks for listening to all ears English would you like to know your English level take our two -minute quiz go to all ears English calm forward slash fluency score and if you believe in connection not perfection then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything see you next time you
