This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2407, seven parenting phrases and what they say about American culture.
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That's allearsenglish .com slash f l u e n c y s c o r e Hello Michelle, how are you?
I'm good Lindsay, how are you?
Good, good. What's going on today?
Not too much. Not too much. Lindsay, how often are you around little kids?
Not super often, Michelle.
My niece is growing up now, I think she's 11 now.
Oh my gosh. Yeah, so she's not really a little kid anymore.
I can't, yeah. Yeah, because my nephew and your niece are pretty much the same age.
Yeah. My nephew is about to be 12.
It's scary, right? Yeah.
Yeah, so in terms of little, little kids, I have my niece and nephew on the other side.
I think they are like three and six, something like that.
So that's the closest thing for me.
Um, what about you, Michelle?
We know you have young kids.
I'm around them all the time, literally all the time.
Um, so today we're going to talk about, this is a fun episode.
We're going to talk about some common expressions that parents or any adults use with children.
And guys, if you're thinking, oh, I'm not around little kids that much, I maybe I should switch to the next episode.
Stay here because this is really useful.
Even if you don't have kids, I mean, you're going to hear these out and about in pop culture when you watch TV shows.
Um, and you're going to be like, also you might have a niece or a nephew, you might have a friend who has kids.
Um, and these are just really, I mean, even like at work, I mean, if you're, yeah, if your coworker is talking about their kids, these are just really useful to know, um, and these are what we're going to teach, they're kind of cliches that you're going to hear.
So, meaning you're going to hear them a lot.
This is not just random things.
Um, these are very commonly known, so it's really good to know and also we are going to talk about our opinions of these, and how they might vary culturally.
So it's going to be interesting.
I love that. And some of these maybe specifically one or two are sometimes used kind of facetiously by adults between adults.
Right? Right. And we'll point out the ones that are and we'll see if we agree on that, Michelle.
So there's a lot here for everyone, whether you have kids, whether you're or an uncle or your friends have kids or whether you're just having some banter with another adults some back.
Some of these you would pull out.
But Michelle, before we get into it, where can our listeners go if they want to see real time transcripts?
What's the best option?
OK, awesome. So go on over and listen.
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So, let's go through these and this came to my mind because I always hear this, See over here this sharing is caring.
Uh, well, this is the one that I was thinking that adults, adult to adult, could they, we do use this like in a facetious, a funny kind of way, right.
Right. It's so true.
It's basically, yeah, when a kid doesn't want to share, it was like, let me use the dinosaur next sharing is caring.
Yeah. So, so that's the most obvious way, the most like on like face value way to use it with a kid.
Right. but then, you know, maybe if you're out to lunch with your coworker and you ordered a thing of salsa, chips and salsa, people love chips and salsa and, but you ordered it and you're like, here you go.
Sharing is caring, you know, something like that.
Exactly. Or if you're out with your close friend and they have the, and they have French fries and you grab one and you could joke and he's like, sharing is caring.
Right, exactly. So I love that this is a multidimensional phrase, right?
You're, you're being a little jokey when you're saying that with an adult.
You know that this phrase is really meant for kids, but you're using it at that level with an adult.
Super interesting. Yeah.
Right. Isn't that interesting?
Yeah. So I mean, Lindsay, what do you think about this?
I mean, uh, you know, as a parent, I'm always thinking about, Oh, if a kid comes over and they want to share with my kid, or they want to play with their toys and there's all these philosophies.
It's like, you want to teach the kids to share, but at the same time you don't want to force them to share everything because you because you don't want to they should know that some things are there's yeah you don't want them to become a doormat right what we talked about the phrase doormat on the show maybe a few years ago yeah very interesting I don't know how to navigate that Michelle I mean I never know what to do and I think sometimes parents are trying to put on shows for each other right so It's like, sometimes I'll want to act a certain way, but I, I feel like I have to show the other
parents that I'm trying to teach my kid to share when sometimes I really just want to be like, no, like he should be able to play with that long.
Maybe I would ask the kid how they feel about sharing.
Do they feel like, how does it feel to share and when do you feel, do you feel like you shared too much or too little, like let them sort of develop an inner compass a bit more outside of what society expects them to do.
Right. I don't know.
That's what I would start doing, is just asking a lot of questions about how you feel.
Or I might say how much longer do you want to play with this?
Or something like that, but yeah.
I planned this episode maybe last week and even just last night.
I was at a friend's house, and my daughter's three, and her daughter's one, so mine just kind of plows.
Take advantage. Yeah, so I have to figure out what to do.
But that's one. And, and again, guys, this is not just, Oh, for those who have kids, you know, you, this one you're gonna hear a lot and I think the next one as well can be used a lot.
So what is this one?
Okay, so use your words, right?
So when a kid gets upset and they just yell and they scream and they cry a parent might say this.
I know my mom said this all the time to me, right?
Okay. Try to calm down, use your words, right?
trying to get the kid to articulate what they're feeling and not go to physical like, you know, hitting, kicking, biting, punching, screaming, the more childish ways of acting, right.
Right, yeah. I mean, you might hear an adult just saying this like kind of as a joke.
I mean, even if they're not upset.
Even if they're kind of having trouble explaining what they want to say kind of how I am now.
No, just joking. We might just say, okay, use your words.
So it can be used with adults as well.
But again, in kind of a sarcastic, fun, lighthearted way, not in the same way.
Yeah, if an adult is really upset, I would be careful saying this to someone who's really upset and they're like, punching a wall or something.
No, no, no, it might make them more upset, much more upset.
But there may be a place for that between adults.
Yes, right. That would be like, if somebody says calm down When you're upset and that's always the worst thing you can say, right trigger big -time trigger, right?
Yep, exactly. But with kids, I mean I've also I I don't like saying this to my kids Sometimes it's tempting because I just want to say use your words, but I don't because what I've you know I'm always really trying to figure out what what's the best answer but like that They don't always have the words.
They're kids, right?
So you have to force over like actually model it for them So that's interesting.
Yeah, really interesting.
Okay. So that's a potential candidate between adults.
But certainly if you have, like you said, nieces or nephews or kids or parents or friends, kids, you'll hear this for sure.
Um, what else, Michelle, and this is, this is good.
Um, say, say, and then something, say, please say, excuse me.
Say, thank you. Say you're sorry.
Yeah. And this is what I would say.
We really don't, you know, I would never say this to an adult.
way now I would like we're ordering in a restaurant with no you'd never say that to another adult if they didn't say you know can I please have a cocktail you wouldn't know didn't say please no just don't use that for with an adult right Michelle oh no no no but you could say oh wow look at that beautiful gift say thank you yeah yeah I like that I like that yeah just manner.
No, thank you. And I always say you can never say, thank you often enough.
You can never say too many thank yous.
Um, yeah, it's always a good go to.
Right? Yeah. I mean, Lindsay, do any of these sound familiar from growing up?
I mean, you kind of remember, like, said, sharing is caring.
Right. Yeah. My, not as much that one.
Of course, my parents encouraged me to share, but the use your words was all over my childhood.
Yes. Because because my mom was all about articulating and getting you to speak and say what you're feeling.
But it's hard though.
It's like a catch 22 if you don't have the vocabulary.
Yeah. So, that's another topic for another kid.
But I also want to bring to light that this is also a good connection topic to talk to people about because you're talking about perhaps how you grew up learning about somebody's childhood or you know how they feel.
Like even like let's say you're watching a movie and there's a kid in the movie and you want to make a comment on it and talk with somebody about like how it was their childhood versus yours and their parents philosophies.
So there's so much here.
Yeah it's an endlessly great topic of conversation because inevitably everyone's parents parented differently.
Yeah I've told you before on this show that my mom was a child psychologist. She was an academic, not an actual counselor, but she did academic research. And her whole thing was that she didn't wanna dress me in the color pink, because sometimes you don't know what the baby's gender is, right?
They're so young. They're just sitting there in a bundle of clothing and strangers she thought would come up to me and change their voice automatically if they knew I was a girl, like if I was wearing pink.
And she didn't want the world to reflect gender back to me, like how I should be.
You know what I mean?
And so she dressed me in like reds and, I don't know, browns or something.
Like, yeah, donned gendered colors.
So that was ... You told me that.
Yeah, I told you that.
You've told me that, and I always ...
Even to this day, sometimes I think about that because I was so interesting to me.
It's really ... So, I've had this conversation with multiple friends, and then they'll have some insight on their parents' upbringing, which is based on what they did in the world, right?
So, it's a great connection topic, is what I'm saying here, Michelle.
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OK, where to? We're right so where to, so another one is just what do you say, right?
So like we're saying, say you're sorry, say this, say that, right?
So along the same lines, but if I could say, oh, that cookie is delicious, what do you say?
Yes, love it. Again, probably the adults are not going to say that, but go ahead, but you're gonna, you're gonna hear it, even if you're like a shopkeeper or something, or you're a shopkeeper, what is this Beauty and the Beast?
Like, no, like if you're like, I don't know if you're like a, you know, a barista and you give something, you know, you might hear a parent say that to their kid.
Yes, yes, for sure, I love that.
What do you say? Or wait your turn, right.
So for example, Oh, sweetie, you're cutting in line, wait your turn, right?
And then this is a big one, Lindsay, what's the magic word, right?
Right, like you're gonna give the kid something like a cookie, right?
And trying to get kids to say please.
or to say may I please have this.
Yes, exactly and then I'll share one more is polite bite.
Have you heard this one?
Ooh, I don't know that one at all, this must be a new one.
Yeah, I don't like this, I don't like this idea.
It's this idea that, you know, you have to try, I mean it's a good idea, but I don't know, there's so much that I think about, but a polite bite is like just trying something to be polite, even if you don't want it.
So, just to be nice, just to give it a try And it's, it's a good idea, but then, I don't know.
Sometimes I feel weird forcing kids to do things.
I don't know. Yeah.
That's interesting.
Good point. Yeah. That's, that's tricky, polite by that is a new one for me.
Okay. Good to know that was not around when I was growing up, I think, uh, but yeah, I mean, again, we're talking now, not that you're going to use all these phrases, but we're also just going through some philosophies, at least in the US that people are familiar with growing up.
And this idea of being knowledgeable about this so that you can connect with others about this topic.
I mean, Lindsay, I mean, what do what do these types of things say about parenting styles in the US?
Because I wonder how this is different around the world.
Like are there similar?
Yes, that would be a really good thing for listeners to do when we finish up is going and make a list of the four most common phrases that kids in your culture are asked, are told.
And then what does that say about your culture?
I mean, to me it says, we're trying to build manners in our children, right?
Teach them manners.
We're trying to teach them to share.
Which I think is something that kids who have siblings learn faster, probably, than only children, right?
It's kind of hard. Unless you're around, my niece is an only child, but she's around her cousins all the time, right?
Okay, so manners, sharing, following the rules, showing respect, things like that.
Yeah. Really interesting.
We're building blocks of a society, I guess, right?
Yes, true, true. So let's show our listeners how these might be used in a conversation.
And we're two friends, we're talking about our kids.
We're not going to use everything.
Okay, cool. Okay. Man, today was tough.
Riley got a gift from his teacher and didn't say thank you.
I told him, say thank you, but he didn't want to.
Yeah. The kids are like that.
I always say the typical, what do you say or what do you say, but that doesn't always work with a four year old.
Oh, tell me about it also.
Riley has trouble sharing.
Did you tell him sharing is caring?
Of course he got so upset.
So I just say use your words, but he's learning.
Love that. Love that.
Yeah. So this would be, uh, another way, this conversation, you, you would build a connection with another parent or an aunt or uncle, right?
I guess aunts and uncles get get the easy way out because we're not required to teach anything.
We just spoil the kid take him out for ice cream and then drop them off back at home.
Yeah, exactly. Okay, so let's go through these Michelle.
Mm hmm. So I, I'm complaining about my son and I said, I told him say thank you but he didn't want to didn't want to and then I said, I kids are like that.
I always say the typical, what do you say?
But that doesn't always work with a four year old, right?
Of course not. Yeah.
Yeah. And then I'm complaining that he has trouble sharing.
And you said, did you tell him sharing is caring?
Um, and then you said, of course he gets so upset.
So I just say, use your words, but he's learning.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so, that's good.
So this, this is an example of template for a conversation you might have, like I said with another parent maybe a grandparent.
Right? That's when you add grandparents into the mix.
It becomes really interesting.
What is their role?
Teaching that would be a whole other episode really interesting stuff there.
Yeah. So another episode guys to go to right now is 23 81.
Listen today no pressure.
Go over and check that one out Michelle what's our takeaway for today?
Dynamic episode. Oh yeah.
There's a lot to think about here.
I mean from everything, from this episode, it had a little bit of everything.
One is just for maybe somebody who does have kids who wants to use some of these expressions.
Uh, also for people who don't have kids, maybe they're around kids, maybe not, but this is just also a good way to learn about parenting philosophies and how things are kind of generally done in the, um, culture, in the United States, and so a good thing to perhaps, uh, start a deeper conversation with someone over.
Yeah I love it. And then we also touched on which ones might you hear between adults in certain scenarios?
I would be careful with that.
I would listen for it and make sure you feel confident with the context but some of these can be used between adults sometimes but we know that we're using a phrase we might say to a child, right?
We know it but we're taking it out of context.
We're being facetious.
We're playing around.
and this is high, high, high -level English.
Good stuff. Alright, very nice.
Well, this was fun.
Thanks for chatting about this with me today.
Alright, take care Michelle.
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