This is an all ears English podcast episode 23 88.
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Are you feeling stuck with your English?
We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection not perfection with your American hosts Lindsey McMahon the English adventurer and Michelle Kaplan the New York radio girl coming to you from Colorado and New York City USA.
And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week go to all ears English calm forward slash subscribe sometimes Sometimes we need to convey that we don't want someone to do something but we want to use a tone of responsibility.
Listen in today to find out how to do this as we dive into the nuances of English.
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Hello, Michelle, how's it going?
Good, Lindsey, how are you?
I'm good, I'm happy to be here with you.
What are we getting into today?
Well, I have a question.
What is there something that you don't want keifer to do like does he ever misbehave yeah he is this dog that loves other dogs more than humans actually he loves to lurch so when we're walking and if he has that play energy it's like he's he becomes crazy and he lurches because it and sometimes he growls at dogs but it's not because he wants to hurt them he wants to play with them it's all this pent -up energy Yeah.
Yeah. One day that's going to get him in trouble I think.
Oh no, so do you, like how do you get him to get back?
I have to get him to focus.
When I see a dog coming, I have him stop and look at me and we focus.
You know, we calm down.
We try to relax and yeah, we do our best. That's very cute.
Well he's such a cutie.
So today we are going to do an episode that was inspired by a common phrase that we used and a roleplay during the recent Allers English episode.
And what was that expression, Lindsay?
Yeah, this was a great expression.
This was, I don't want you doing X, right?
So, you know, I don't want Kiefer lurching after dogs, right?
Yes. So guys head on over to episode 2384, that was don't be hit or miss with your English.
And the example there was, I don't want you wasting your money on somewhere that's unreliable And we realized wait a second.
That's a really useful way to talk about something that you don't want to happen.
Oh my gosh. Yeah. It's so natural and native and Michelle, I don't think that this would be taught in any textbook.
I just feel like it's kind of maybe an afterthought or something for the textbooks.
Definitely. This is very, very natural.
Um, guys, we want to let you know that we are so excited about our course that is coming out.
This is professional English level one.
Lindsay, can you tell us about it?
Yes, this is going to be a fantastic course.
We interviewed, I believe, six or seven Native speakers, native speaking professionals who work in industries like people working close to the C -suite as executive assistants, people working in technology, in product management, manufacturing, banking.
It is fantastic who we have in this course that we chat with.
Heavy focus on fluency and speaking.
There's It's great to build our foundation for working in English one day.
All right? Yes, amazing!
All right, so you go to allearsenglish .com slash professional.
Yes, go get on that early access list and you'll be the first to know when it goes live very soon, it should be in just a couple of days that you will be getting that email guide.
So go over to allearsenglish .com slash professional and get on that list. All right.
Can't wait. Yes. So let's go through this.
so the structure is, I don't want someone.
Yeah, verbing, basically, verbing.
Yeah, yeah, what is what does this mean?
Lindsey? Yeah, basically, it just means you don't want someone or in my case, my dog to do something.
But I think it kind of has a hint of control like you.
Do you agree with that?
Michelle? Like you have a little bit more maybe control over this person or this thing in a way?
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I think so. I think it's warning someone not to do something.
But in the example from the episode that we did in the context, it was, I don't want you wasting your money on somewhere that's unreliable.
Now this could just be seen as a way to help someone, right?
Yeah. I think that's how we were using it kind of, oh, this coffee shop, no, I don't want you wasting your money.
It wasn't so much of a control thing necessarily, but just to help.
But I do agree with you that a lot of times this is showing someone that you're looking out for them or that yeah, you need to control something in some way like Kiefer, right?
I don't want you to learn.
Yeah, maybe control's not the right word, but maybe you have a little bit more responsibility over this person.
Like I would be more likely to say this.
Let's say once my niece starts purchasing things with her own money, I don't want you wasting money on candy," you know, versus what she might say to her own friend who's her peer at her age.
It doesn't mean you can't say that but there's something about, yeah, about looking out for someone a little bit.
Yeah. It would be weird if she said that to her friend but I mean, yeah.
So it is interesting.
Yeah. I think warning or looking out for someone.
So well, let's do some examples and talk them through.
Okay. So here's one.
This is definitely a warning.
I don't want you sleeping all day tomorrow.
You have homework. Now, that is coming from a mother.
Exactly. Exactly. Lindsey, did you used to sleep late when you were a teenager?
No. No, I wasn't that kid.
I remember sleeping a lot in college.
I feel like most people sleep a lot.
Naps are a thing in college and they never are a thing again in your entire life.
Yup, exactly. Yeah, so, I mean, this is a true warning, more like even scolding, telling the person what to do.
So, this is – sounds like a parent, I don't want you doing this, I don't want you doing that.
Yeah. Yeah, what's another one, Lindsay?
Here's one. I don't want you walking home in the dark, let me drive you home.
So, this might be – maybe you're visiting a friend and then their parent says this, it's 11 p .m., you're going to walk home, but the parent says this to you as a teenager, It could be that.
It could also be, though, just… I mean, I have a friend who used to live in walking distance for me.
And if I were to have that friend over and it's dark outside, I might just say, oh, no, I don't want you walking home in the dark.
Let me drive you. It's a little just kind of looking out for them, taking some responsibility and showing that you want to help.
So, it's interesting.
There's a lot of different You know, behind, like subtext to this.
There's a lot of it.
It's really interesting here.
And you know, if she's at your house, that friend, you know, maybe you're more likely to say that because you know, the neighborhood, maybe, you know, there's a little bit of additional information that maybe you have, this is a very nuanced thing.
Right. Um, but yeah, I like that idea.
So you could say that to your friend for sure.
What else Michelle?
All right. I don't want you eating all my fries.
Give them back. Yeah, Basically, I don't want you to do this.
Yeah. Exactly. Or this one.
I don't want you spending any of your own money on this.
The company will reimburse you.
Nice. So it's just so different.
I mean, if you were to put that in other words you could say, oh, you don't need to spend your money on this.
Yes. Right. It's just different way of saying that.
It's, I don't know.
know, it gives off an air of, I think, like you said, responsibility.
You feel responsible, you have a stake in someone in some way.
Or even in the fries example, it's just kind of that's more of the scolding or the warning.
It's very dynamic, the structure actually.
Yeah, it is really interesting.
But it's giving our listeners just another option, guys, if If you're the B2C1 level, you're looking for other ways to say things and this is one of them.
Yeah, I love it so good.
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Okay, Michelle, we are back.
So when do we think we might use this in our lives?
I mean, I thought your example, your question, to me was a really good one.
Because with my dog, you know, I've trained him.
There are certain things like I know better than he does obviously right hopefully and I don't want him getting like I don't want him getting you know there might be one day where he lurches after a dog and he gets attacked and that's my biggest fear honestly it's my biggest fear.
So I have a responsibility over him right so that kind of makes sense.
What about you Michelle in your life I imagine your kids may be… Yeah of course.
I mean, so yeah, if maybe my kids were doing something I didn't think it was good.
So I could say like, I don't want you listening to anything that boy says if he's mean to you.
So, Oh yeah. Or I'm just thinking now that the weather is getting nicer.
We were at the playground yesterday, so I could say, Oh, I don't want you running all over and like without telling me where you are, something like that.
Again, you're responsible for that child, right?
And you're telling him what to do and what not to do.
Love that. So good, yes.
What are some? So there are other ways to say it and the tone might be slightly different but one that we could say Michelle is please don't.
This is where we speak directly to that person.
We say please don't stay up too late, you have school tomorrow.
More textbook, right?
Yes, more textbook.
Or just I don't think you should.
So I don't think you should use any extra makeup.
You look amazing. Or make sure you don't, right?
Okay. So make sure you don't lose your credit card again.
You don't have to emphasize again, but I did.
Right? Right. Yeah.
Yep, exactly. So yeah, just a couple of different ways that you can say this if you're showing either responsibility or looking out for someone.
But I do agree, Lindsay, I think just generally, in general, there's this error of responsibility.
Yeah. It's really interesting how a different choice of phrases could just change it slightly, slightly what we're trying to say and that's where our listeners are at right now in terms of their English for connection.
Yeah, right. I love it.
Should we see how it looks in a role -play?
Yes, let's do it. All right, Michelle, what's our scenario here?
What are we doing? Okay.
So we are friends and I'm telling you about a situation that happened with our other friend, a mutual friend.
Okay. Here we go. So I just don't know why she's so mad at me.
Listen, Michelle. I don't want you.
Giving this another thought.
This is not about you, I know, but it's just upsetting.
Please. Don't get that.
Don't let this get you down.
Thanks Lindsey. Maybe I should call her.
I don't think you should do that right now.
The situation is way too raw.
Maybe you're right.
Make sure you don't say anything to her about this.
Of course not. Oh, that was just some kind of a fight.
Drama. Drama. So you're really upset and you're upset because you don't know why she's upset with you, right?
This other friend and that's that can be quite upsetting.
All right. That's a terrible feeling, right?
If you don't understand what happened, you don't even know what to apologize for.
That is really bad, right?
And you need to figure it out.
The human mind because the human mind wants to be connected.
We as humans want to be connected.
And if we realize maybe we've done something, it's really unsettling.
Right? That's a good bonus phrase for today, Michelle.
unsettling. Unsettling.
Yep. I'm going to write that down.
That's going to be in the app guys.
I love it. All right.
So what, what I said was, listen, Michelle, I don't want you giving this another thought.
This is not about you.
So I'm saying this to you as your friend.
I'm kind of trying to take care of you.
Yes. You're looking out for me.
You're just like, oh, I don't want, you know.
Yeah, you're kind of, I'm consumed in this situation and you're kind of trying to get me out of it.
Yes, exactly. Then what did I say after that?
Then you said, please don't let this get you down.
What do you mean by that?
Get you down. Don't let it make you feel sad.
I also think maybe I know what's going on.
Maybe potentially like I know why she's upset.
Could that be true?
Right? I probably do know.
Maybe you do know. Maybe I do know.
I don't know. It feels like I have some insight or something." Yeah, it does.
It does. And then you said, �Thanks, Lindsey.
Maybe I should call her.� And you�re not giving up, right?
You�re still coming back to it and I said, �I don�t think you should do that right now.
The situation is too raw.� Exactly.
So maybe you know what�s going on and you just know, okay, give it a week and it�ll be fine, right?
Sometimes we just need time.
And then I just said, �Maybe you�re right, make sure you don�t say anything to her about this.� Mm hmm.
Yes. Okay. Good stuff.
So this is a good example, you're conveying a bit of a sense of you want to kind of take care, like I'm trying to take care of you a little bit or taking responsibility for you emotionally by saying, Oh, I don't want you doing this.
I don't want you thinking about this.
I don't want you stressing out over this.
Right? Right. Yes, exactly.
It's very, very good, very important connection skill.
Yeah. What's our takeaway for today Michelle.
Oh well this is yeah, I do think that this is an important connection skill and there's a lot it holds a lot of meaning in it.
I can mean many different things it can be more that you're just the responsible adult, it could be that you're comforting someone, it could be that you're warning someone, it couldn't just be showing that you're taking care of someone.
But overall I think it's this feeling of you're responsible in some way you care you something is on you and you want to express that yeah it's a very subtle difference between this and saying oh please don't do that or don't do that or please avoid doing that or it's really really subtle and for our listeners guys if you're ready for those subtleties then run with this right go and try to make a list of the situations in the last week where this would have made sense for you to say all right i love it and All right, Michelle.
What should we remind our listeners to do right now as they finish up the episode?
Where should they go to get on the list?
Yeah, that's all ears English dot com slash professional.
Right? And we will let you know very, very soon, especially if you're on that list when the course is available.
Can't wait. All right, Michelle.
Good stuff. Thanks for being on the microphone today.
Thank you, Lindsey.
Have a good one. Bye.
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