This is an All Ears English podcast, Episode 2344.
Don't gaslight me. How to show you're in control.
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Today, our listener asks us about the words gaslight and brainwash.
Listen in to see if they're the same or different and how to use them in confrontational situations in English.
Hey, Michelle, how are you today?
I'm good, Lindsay. How are you?
I'm feeling good. It's January.
We're getting back into the swing of everything.
Yeah. Things are good.
Things are good. What are we talking about today on All Ears English?
Well, Lindsay, have you ever felt like someone was trying to gaslight you?
Oh, that is a term that I've been hearing more and more lately.
Oh my gosh. All the time.
This is, yeah, this is a good one.
Yeah. The idea that someone is trying to make you seem like you're not thinking straight or something like that.
Right. Something didn't happen.
Right. Right. And you can start to kind of question yourself and it can become a whole journey.
Luckily, no, I don't have anyone in my life that does this to me.
I have pretty healthy primary relationships.
But what about you, Michelle?
Does anyone do this to you?
Okay. No, I don't think so.
But although, but we are going to talk about some ways in which we might feel gasolated, maybe not by people we know.
Gaslit. Gaslit. Gaslit.
Okay, so, and this episode is brought to you by a listener question from Ben from Japan.
And this is from YouTube.
Thank you so much Ben for this question.
Ben asked us a couple of questions, but we're going to stick with this second one today, Ben.
We can come back to the other another time.
But this is a good one.
Lizzie, would you like to read Ben's message for us?
Yeah, here we go. So Ben says, what's the difference between gaslighting and brainwash thank you for your choice of topic uh ben oh my gosh wow these are two big terms getting into some very deep psychological yes exactly exactly yeah so as lindsey said this has become a very popular term to gaslight
someone so yeah this is this is a deep episode it's good to talk about what this means because you are going to hear it a lot out and about i mean Lindsay, do you use this?
Do you hear it a lot?
What do you think? Yeah.
Before I answer that, I just want to make sure our listeners are clear on the past tense of gaslight.
Yeah. So we can say both.
So gas lit or gas lighted would both be correct in terms of the past tense.
Oh, you can say both?
Okay, good. Yeah. Both are good.
So good to go. We don't have to worry about that.
But you're asking me, has it ever happened to me?
Is that what you're asking?
or if you use the word?
Oh, do I use the word?
Oh, uh, I don't actually use it that much.
I use other words to talk about this type of ideas, psychological ideas, but not really gaslighting.
Um, but it's really, I did, I did hear it just yesterday.
Actually, I think in the news or something.
Okay. So that's where I feel like I hear it a lot in the news.
Um, so we're going to, we're going to talk about that more so i mean but so what does it mean i mean the the dictionary says you know basically it's about manipulation and using it says psychological methods uh into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning that's the dictionary definition so and it
apparently it can actually be like a real kind of way to abuse someone psychologically right yeah no i i for sure i would imagine it is a form of abuse if it's used repeatedly um especially in your romantic relationships or family relationships yeah not good right yes exactly exactly and so yeah that lizzie
i'm glad you brought up the news because i feel that we hear this a lot in politics in the news maybe how things are covered or how yeah politicians answer questions maybe they're avoiding answers and so somebody might say that a politician is gaslighting the public because they're trying to make things
seem a certain way to make people forget the reality.
But Lindsay, this actually brings me before.
Now it's making me think of have you heard about what's going on with the drones?
Oh, yeah, I don't know.
I've seen a bit of that what's going, but I have no idea what it is.
Does anyone know what those drones are?
No. And so it's interesting because there's kind of a big a lot in the news about the drones because people are seeing them everywhere and the government is saying, oh, they don't know what they are, but they just know that it's safe.
And people are saying, oh, they know more than they're letting on.
So that kind of, in a way, could be an example of to gaslight the American public.
I mean, I actually I've seen them.
You have really? Yeah.
New Jersey, right? Is that where that's happening?
Yes. It's a lot in New Jersey.
I think they said Connecticut.
I think a lot of places on the East Coast.
Whoa, that's weird.
Yeah, I for sure have seen them.
And it's, it's a little unsettling.
So then when you hear, oh, no, it's fine.
You just kind of wonder, okay, what's going on here?
So yeah, this is just an example of, you know, like, you might hear somebody say in an interview, if they're complaining, oh, that they're, we don't know what it is.
They might say, oh, they're trying to gaslight us.
So I think you hear that a lot regarding news and especially politics.
So just to be more clear, be super clear here, if the government or whoever it is, is gaslighting us, when we ask as citizens what's going on, they might say, you're being crazy, you're being paranoid, that kind of thing.
Is that what gaslighting is?
Well, I don't think that they're going to specifically say that, but they might say, right.
That is an example.
Like, okay, let's think of this.
Let's say there's a, um, a couple and the one partner is cheating on the other, right?
Right. And they say, and somebody, the, the one who's being cheated on is finding all these clues.
Right. And the first one is saying, Oh, come on, you're being ridiculous.
That's, that's clearly this and has an explanation for everybody.
You might say, Oh, you're trying to gaslight me.
Right. That's a good, that's a very clear example.
Right. Almost the person makes the other person feel like they are going they're losing their mind right like yeah they're being paranoid they're yeah exactly yeah so um yeah they they are not in touch with reality different things like that so it's pretty serious actually so let's give some examples
um the first one is what i just said yeah she found many signs that he was cheating on her but he tried to gaslight her by saying none of them were real oh yes not good or you might actually use it in direct uh connection when you're talking to someone right you might say don't gaslight me i know what i heard they were gossiping
about me and don't make it seem like i didn't hear it sounds like an argument there sounds like an argument or you could say the governor was guilty of gaslighting in his answers to the reporter it didn't matter because the public had already seen him in action and they had made up their minds.
Yes. Okay. So yeah, this is out in our, in the zeitgeist right now in the news and people are using it.
So it will be very good for our listeners to know it for sure.
I'm trying to remember what was the news story that I was consuming, but I think with the new administration coming in, we might be hearing this more and more.
Yeah. It's going to be an adventure.
Right. Well, I mean, it does make me also think of like what they were saying with inflation.
That people were saying, oh, they can't afford certain things.
And before the election, the Biden administration was saying, oh, but look, the economy is so good.
And here are the numbers.
And so maybe the public, some people felt, oh, that they were being gaslit, right?
Like, oh, look at these numbers.
But people were in their daily lives, which was a very interesting thing to me.
Because, yeah, you did see the numbers on one hand.
But you also know that people were feeling it.
So, yeah. Weird. Yeah.
Yeah. No, that's a great example.
And that's why they lost.
I mean, they didn't acknowledge reality for half of the country.
Things were not are not good.
They're good for some people, great for some people, but not good for others.
And so they didn't acknowledge that.
They just kind of went along and said things are great and hope that people believe that would believe it.
Yeah. So that kind of is kind of a form of gaslighting, I suppose.
Right. Yeah. Okay, Michelle.
Other loaded words here.
Oh boy. Okay. Ben was asking about brainwash and gaslight are the same.
So to brainwash from the dictionary is to make someone adopt radically different beliefs by using systematic and often forcible pressure.
So what do you think?
Would you say that these words are the same, totally different, anything to do with each other?
I think they're interrelated.
I think they could be connected.
I think someone could be sort of gaslighting you and also kind of potentially brainwashing you because they're brainwashing you maybe to think that you are, I don't know, in some way or just being paranoid, maybe, for example.
Right. So they may come together, but I don't think they mean the same thing.
I think sort of brainwash, we see it more often in different ways.
Yeah, yeah, I think.
Right. Exactly. I think that gaslight is more about this manipulation to make someone think they're crazy.
Whereas brainwash is a little more versatile getting someone to think a certain way so you might be brainwashing somebody while you gaslight them but yes just brainwashing someone is not necessarily gaslighting them exactly so let's go into brainwash just so that our listener ben really understands
the difference so here's an example phrase so she tried to brainwash him into agreeing with her politically but he read up on the topics for himself and realized that she was wrong.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Or he's totally brainwashed.
So you could use it that way as well.
He thinks he works for the best company, but he doesn't see all the flaws.
Yeah. And we can see, we see this in a lot of different scenarios where people end up just kind of in a vacuum.
I mean, we see this with social media, right?
There are people's feeds end up just echoing echo chambers, right, Michelle?
echo chambers. Yes, exactly.
That's a good one. That's going to be on the app today.
And I do think now that we have social media, we have these algorithms that do give us what we want to see and what we keep consuming.
We don't really get a balanced perspective anymore.
You know, that's Yeah, that is the scary part is you see what you want, you see what you already believe.
And it just kind of verifies all of that, but you're not seeing enough content, I guess, on other sides.
But yeah, I mean, I think both Gaslade and Brainwashed are both pretty serious.
To me, I think Brainwashed is used maybe a little bit more casually and conversationally.
I agree. You know, oh, like, oh, he's totally brainwashed.
He thinks that she loves him, but she doesn't or, you know.
Totally agree. Um, yeah, yes.
I think you'll hear that more, more casually, even though they're, it's actually pretty serious, but it's used, it can be used in a casual way.
Yeah. I think gaslighting would be more reserved for maybe relationships, but you do, you could hear it as we gave the example of the government talking to citizens.
That's valid too. Right.
But yeah, I agree. Brainwash is more common.
So let's see how these come out in a role play, Michelle.
All right. So here we are sisters talking about our childhood.
All right, here we go.
All right. Remember when mom yelled at you for trying to steal my keys?
Oh, my gosh. That never happened, Michelle.
I wouldn't do that.
Ah, it so did. I found them in your purse.
They were next to my purse because you put them there.
Oh, please don't gaslight me.
I know you did. Whatever.
No point arguing about it now.
I didn't realize mom brainwashed you into thinking I was such a bad sister.
She didn't. All right.
Here we go. So we got some kind of mind games going on here.
Someone is playing mind games.
I'm not sure who it is.
That's funny. Okay.
So let's see. We're talking about you stealing my keys or trying to.
Yes. Yeah. So you said they were next to my purse because you put them there.
So I said, oh, please don't gaslight me.
And that can be that something that people say.
So I wanted to highlight that you might hear somebody say, don't gaslight me.
It's kind of like, Oh, don't, don't make me think I'm crazy.
Don't come on. I know.
Right. Usually in a confrontation, uh, between friends, sisters, partners, something like that.
Sure. And then I said, whatever, no point in arguing about it now.
I didn't realize mom brainwashed you into thinking I was a bad sister.
Oh boy. Oh yes. Yeah.
A little revisionist history going on here, right?
We don't know what happened.
We don't know. I don't know.
I don't know if Lindsay stole the keys or not.
Oh my gosh. But these are two good examples.
These words might come up in those close relationships, right?
Yeah, exactly. I wanted to give some examples of like, because you might not be using it every day in this big, political, serious context.
So I wanted to give a couple more casual expressions that might be a little bit more casual uses that might be a little bit more conversational in your everyday life i love that michelle where should our listeners go we do have a one suggested episode that our listeners could go to right away that is let
me let me just give it out there the number it is 23 28 do you mind if we teach you new phrases today what did we talk about in that one michelle do you remember i believe it was uh one words with mind i believe uh yeah mind yes right remember one yes i'm excited for our listeners to hear that one.
So go check it out, guys.
Where should we leave our listeners?
What's the takeaway?
Okay. Well, I mean, this was a super good question.
This was fun to look into for me.
And it can be used in more serious contexts and more casual contexts.
But I think the takeaway is that gaslight is starting to be used more and more frequently.
Yes. But still, I think brainwash is more conversational and used more in everyday conversation.
So that's where I would leave it.
Yeah. And there's our answer for Ben and for our listeners.
Try to experiment, listen for these words and experiment with inserting them if you feel like it's the right moment.
Right? Guys, don't forget to hit the follow button right here on this podcast and we'll see you next time.
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Bye, guys. Take care.
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