This is an All Ears English Podcast, episode 2335.
Should you ask pointed questions?
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In today's episode, you learn the difference between pointed questions and direct questions.
Plus, we ponder how these kinds of questions might be more or less common across cultures.
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Hello, Lindsay. How are you?
I'm doing pretty well here, Aubrey.
How are you doing today?
I am great. So spend a lot of good family time.
Yes, that brings up the question that I have for you today because this often happens more, I think, when you're with family and close friends where people know you well.
What is the last pointed question you were asked?
Oh, yes. On Thanksgiving, we were playing a family game.
The game is called Virtellus, where we go around.
It's very simple. Someone asks you a question, usually about your relationship to them.
So it's between you and this person.
And my stepbrother -in -law, his question to ask me was, what is the value that we don't share?
Oh, that is a very pointed question.
Yes, and I was I was honest and I wasn't I think maybe it came off in a way that he was maybe a little bit confused or maybe a little hurt, unfortunately, but I think it's OK.
But it was a very pointed question.
Aubrey, what about you?
Have you been a similar game on Thanksgiving?
Actually, it's called Scruples, where this is an interesting word, scruples, it's sort of like some people might see something as inappropriate that you don't like, you know, some people might have scruples.
This is a little bit of an outdated word.
It's actually an outdated game.
I think it's from like the 1970s.
Oh, my gosh. But it's still fun.
I love some of the questions we have to remove because they're very inappropriate.
We're like, wow, this does not fly anymore.
But some of them are still interesting.
And someone asked me if I'm with if I were sitting in a parked car and someone parked next to me and opened their door into my car.
We say we call that being door, like someone door to my car.
Yeah. Or ding that we might say.
And it like either dented it or remove the paint.
Would you get out right away and say something?
And I had difficulty answering because I'm very I'm not confrontational, nonconfrontational.
Yes, I guess it would depend on how hard they hit it.
I don't know. It's tricky.
What would you do, Lindsay?
I'm curious. I think if I made eye contact with him, I would have to.
And if it were a really strong one, I'd have to get out.
But if it were just something small, I might just be like, oh, it could happen to anyone.
You know, I'm not going to get a tiny thing.
I'm not even going to bother to go get the body repainted.
It's just a tiny thing happens all the time when I'm not in the car.
So that's tricky, because even if you do say something, you're probably not going to get it fixed, insist they get it fixed because it's so small.
So do you say something?
It's a good point are really good examples of pointed questions.
Yes. We this came up in a recent episode, 2323.
Lindsay, you said you started asking pointed questions when you were about nine about like Santa Claus and the holidays.
And I was immediately like, oh, this is great.
Vocabulary pointed questions.
So we're going to cover that and a few related terms.
Yeah, I'm excited to get into this.
We're getting into something that is very high level.
See one level where we kind of show the difference between pointed questions and direct questions, very specific vocabulary.
But first, I want to remind our listeners if they love vocab, where should they be listening to this show?
Yes, definitely in the app.
Right. This is where this pointed question was really highlighted for me when I was pulling keywords for the app, because you can listen along with the transcripts.
And we highlight really impressive vocabulary like this that you can just click and add to your vocab list.
Study it, remove it once you have it updated.
It's the best, fastest way to learn vocabulary.
So you can go to all yours English dot com slash app.
ATP to download it.
Yep, you got it. Seven day free trial.
Check it out. You'll have the chance to see the transcripts, tap on keywords, save them to your list, and you can decide if you want to continue on as a premium member.
All right. Yes. Awesome.
Check it out. All right, Aubrey, let's get into pointed question.
I think our listeners are ready to learn a bit more about what this means.
Yes. So this is a chunk.
If you look up in the dictionary, you're going to see a different definition for just pointed the adjective, which we'll cover in a minute and then pointed question together.
So this is a sharply directed question.
So this means you're like intentionally asking a specific person.
It's not like, oh, I'm just asking anyone.
Right. And and the other person would find it difficult to answer or maybe be embarrassed by the answer.
So this is a very specific type of question.
Yeah. So sample sentence here.
She asked me a pointed question about my future plans.
OK. So that might mean it implies some kind of criticism.
I could imagine my mother asking me pointed questions as a college student about my future plans.
Right. There's definitely intention behind the question.
Oh, for sure. Trying to say something behind the question.
Right. Hmm. What else, Aubrey?
Is there another sample sentence?
Yeah, you could say it was a very pointed question and I didn't know how to answer.
So this might be if you're retelling, you're telling a story about someone that asked you a very pointed question.
And this might, you know, you're telling you're like, I didn't even know what to say, because often that's the case with pointed questions, like the one your brother asked you.
It's like, what do I say?
How honest can I be?
Is this going to hurt feelings?
Yes. Oh, my gosh. Really intense.
But then I but then we also have direct questions.
And I wonder what is the difference between pointed questions and direct questions, Aubrey.
Yeah. And I'm guessing the average.
I kind of had to look into this a little bit because I think the average native speaker, if you asked, they would have to think about it.
And they might even have to look in the dictionary.
Right. Yeah. Direct questions are much more general.
This is just a clear and specific question that requires a straightforward response.
So for example, if you ask someone, what is your name?
What is your occupation?
That's a direct question, right?
It has a very clear, straightforward expected response.
But there's not necessarily that underlying, you know, that it would be difficult to answer or you might be embarrassed by the answer.
So not necessarily pointed.
Yeah. I think the umbrella term could be direct questions.
And because a pointed question is also kind of a direct question.
It's just a direct question about something that's a bit more intense or more personal or more intentional.
Yeah. So we could say some direct questions are pointed, right?
And others are more neutral.
Right. Exactly. Right.
Not all direct questions are pointed questions, but all pointed questions are direct questions.
Correct. Yes. Love that.
OK, we've got the hierarchy here now.
Where do we go from here?
So we have a couple examples.
You might say, I asked you a direct question.
Can you please give me a straight answer?
So I have heard this before, especially on like TV.
You'll see this as you know, people are trying to argue, but kind of politely, you know, and you've asked someone something and they're they're beating around the bush, they're not being direct with their answer.
And this also with like the law in a court case.
If someone is not answering directly, an attorney might say this.
Like you've been asked a direct question.
We expect a clear direct answer.
Yeah. Or the judge.
Right. The judge could could find a way.
I'm not sure what what technology terminology they use there.
But yes, they're not going to let people evade.
Right. And sort of give a half answer or not be clear.
Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could say this to all the politicians on TV.
Could you please give me a straight answer?
Yes, a debate. And it just becomes word salad.
You're like, I don't even remember what the question was.
I was nothing means anything.
Yeah, exactly. That's a good example.
And then another sample.
That date was strange.
She kept asking me rapid fire, direct questions.
I mean, some people just have this personality.
Absolutely. But it would be especially if you're not used to it.
It might feel strange if they're asking the direct question after direct question.
And it's not much of a back and forth.
And then this adjective, rapid fire is interesting.
It means, you know, unhesitating, rapid one after another, especially in dialogue.
Right. When instead of like taking time to have a back and forth about something, you just ask another question right away.
Yeah. I mean, sometimes if our listeners are listening to other podcasts, they might hear they have like a fire round of questions.
A lot of shows will do that kind of thing where they just fire six or seven questions at you and you're just supposed to answer quickly.
They'll do that with guests.
Right. Exactly. Yes.
That's where that comes from.
Rapid fire. Love that.
Before we go into number three, I feel like I have to call out how cultural this is.
Oh, yes. How direct questions are, it's personality.
Yes, it could be gender, it could be upbringing, but it's also very cultural.
Yes, I agree. Very much so.
Right. Some of us are much more direct, even within the United States.
I have met people who are much more direct than others, people who are more likely to ask pointed questions than others.
So even within a culture very much, you know, personally, but I agree.
I think there are different cultures that where this wouldn't be that or people would try to avoid asking direct questions.
I mean, you could argue that on the East Coast, the big cities on the East Coast are more likely to get a direct question than other parts of the country.
Right. Within the US.
Definitely. Right. Someone might be really vague and, you know, I use that idiom beating around the bush.
That means you're kind of like in a roundabout way getting to the question you want to ask.
Exactly. All right.
So number three, let's just take a look at the word pointed as an adjective.
So we're going to pull this one out.
Yeah. What do we want to know here?
This usually is referring to statements, remarks or looks.
A look can be pointed.
And this means expressing criticism in a direct unambiguous way.
So it means it's very clear that there's some kind of criticism intended and anything can be pointed.
Right. Well, I mean, it's usually like remarks or looks, but it can be like an article or a book, like that's statements.
It's, you know, these where there's criticism intended.
Got it. So maybe as you said, a documentary where it's highlighting some kind of a scandal that happened or a phenomenon or something that we should be concerned about in society.
Maybe a book, you could say the this book is a pointed look at prison life.
And that would definitely imply that it's criticizing the prison system.
Yeah. And it's direct.
It's directly highlighting the issues.
It's not catching anything.
It's not it's not adding humor.
Right. I think about Orange is the New Black.
That probably wouldn't be as pointed because it is sending a strong message about our prison system, but it's actually also a very funny show and good acting and dramatic and good writing.
So really good not.
So maybe you wouldn't say like this is a pointed discussion about prison life.
No, it's actually a comedy dramedy.
Right. And a good one.
I would recommend to check out on Netflix.
Yeah, it's a great.
It's great. OK, what else?
Let's see. She made the point.
She made pointed remarks about the need for strict gun laws.
Yes, I hear this a lot with political conversations on the on the news, because that's where we are trying to be more straightforward about the facts.
And so if someone if something is an opinion, right, there's something where their opinion is clearly pointed.
That means they are there's underlying criticism.
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Okay, Aubrey, what comes next here?
Should we ask pointed questions?
What do you think? I think that's a good question to think about, right?
If you're having a conversation with someone, should you be asking pointed questions for us, for both of us on Thanksgiving?
This was an interesting activity for friends and it made the conversation really robust and interesting for me.
I loved it. Yeah. But you definitely have to think about the relationship, right?
What is appropriate?
You don't necessarily want to create awkward situations or hurt connections.
So when asking pointed questions, I think there's a lot to think about before you do.
Yeah, these games are kind of interesting because they're allowing us an outlet, a container, a way to ask these questions that I think most people would never ask those questions.
But maybe you want to know the answers.
They don't know, but they maybe don't know how to articulate the question or more likely are too afraid to ask it because there's a real losing face going on and having your brother in law never would ask you that.
But it's like I pulled this card.
I have to ask it. It kind of forces us to have these interesting conversations.
Exactly. And I feel like this could maybe be our poll question today.
And this could also be a glimpse into cultural differences for our listeners right across the world.
Should you ask pointed questions?
Yes or no. I love that.
Come to Spotify and answer the poll question.
You know, whether you listen on Spotify or not, you can come answer our poll.
We love to see the results there.
Of course. All right, Aubrey.
Role play time. We are college age and we are also sisters.
Yes. It's a little different.
We are not ourselves here.
I got it. Got it. I have to have a certain accent here or something.
OK, I'm going to ask you a pretty direct question.
Oh, I'm ready. Go for it.
Have you called mom recently?
Oh, wow. I feel like that's a really pointed question.
Did she say something?
No, I was just wondering.
Oh, OK. I haven't called her in a while.
Last time we chatted, she made some very pointed remarks about my dating life.
Yeah, I actually had a similar exchange with my brother because I was under the impression that he wasn't inviting my parents for Thanksgiving because I called my dad and he's like, oh, we have no plans for Thanksgiving.
And I was like, oh, that's not OK.
So I texted him. I said, Dad says he doesn't have any Thanksgiving plans.
Why not? And big letters.
That's a very pointed question, Lindsay.
And he said, oh, no, it's OK.
We just made the plans.
So yeah, we're just procrastinating.
Yeah, I think as we get older, sometimes with our siblings, lightweight, especially as our parents get older, there comes a time for real direct questions to our siblings.
Right? Absolutely. It's true.
Right. Because if he's like, no, we're not inviting him, be like, no, that's not OK.
That's not OK. I was ready to get on the phone and have a few points to work here.
He will be there. Exactly.
So all right. Let's go to the role play.
Yeah. So first you used a direct question, you said, well, I'm going to ask you a direct question.
You're preparing me here for a pretty serious question.
Right. So lots of questions are direct.
But we often will say this to let someone know, like I'm starting a conversation that might be a little uncomfortable.
Exactly. And then I said, oh, wow.
I feel like that's a really pointed question.
Yeah. So again, so this is where, you know, you've said, have you called mom recently?
Yeah. And then I'm pointing.
I'm calling it for what it is.
Right. That there's underlying criticism.
Like I feel like you're criticizing, like you already know that I haven't.
And you're criticizing me.
Exactly. And obviously, there's a little something more to maybe they have a strained relationship with their mom or something.
There's something here as to why that's a pointed question because if everything's OK and they're in contact regularly, it wouldn't really be a pointed question.
Exactly. There's got to be say like, if you haven't talked to your mom in a year, you're going to assume they know that.
And that's why I said, oh, that sounds like a pointed question.
Did she say something?
I'm like, clearly you have information here that you're upset about.
Exactly. And then what did you say, Aubrey at the end?
Yeah. And I said, well, last time we chatted, she made some very pointed remarks about my dating life.
So this is just that adjective pointed, not pointed questions.
Here, she's made some pointed statements which would imply criticism.
Right. And kind of explaining why you haven't really gotten back in touch lately.
Right. A little space.
Interesting. All right.
I mean, this is really good stuff.
This is about human connection right here.
Aubrey, where should we leave our listeners today?
Yeah. So of course, be careful with pointed questions.
They can imply criticism.
They could hurt a connection.
So we do want to think about the relationship and what it is we're talking about.
Right. But really good vocab.
And I think really interesting to think about the difference between pointed questions and direct questions.
And ask yourself that this will be our poll.
So definitely go and participate in our Spotify poll, everyone.
Should you ask a pointed question in your culture?
We're making that purposefully very broad.
And I know we're not trying to make sweeping generalizations, but think about it quick and answer it on the spot.
Split second. What is your response to that?
Right. And we'll see what the results are.
Awesome. Very interesting.
Thank you, Lindsay.
This is a fun conversation.
All right. Good stuff.
Aubrey, you take care.
I'll talk to you soon.
You too. Bye bye. Bye.
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