This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2288.
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There is a subtle little way that service providers, medical practitioners, and even friends use different pronouns to address a single person to build community.
Find out how we do it, so you'll be ready the next time you hear it.
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Hey there, Michelle.
How are you doing today?
I'm good. I'm good.
Lindsay, how are we liking the episodes for today?
I think we're liking them, Michelle.
I'm liking the choices.
I mean I really like today's choice of a topic, which I'm so excited to explain to our listeners what it is.
But why did you ask me how are we liking the episodes?
Weren't you just asking how I like the episodes?
That's true. I guess I was just asking you because I already know about myself.
But I don't know. It just felt right.
So maybe that's something we're going to get into today.
Why in the world did I say we?
This is a fascinating language pattern.
There's a lot to say about connection today for this.
So I'm excited. Yes.
So this is just going to be an interesting way to learn about how to make people feel they're part of a group or that you're part of their group.
So I mean, Lindsay, have you ever had a waiter or waitress come over to you and say, how are we doing tonight?
Yeah, 100%. How are we doing?
I've had them come over and say, are we still working?
And I always thought that was weird.
I always thought that was straight as a separate episode for another day.
But are we still working?
And that doesn't mean like, are we doing our homework?
It means are we still eating?
That makes it feel like it's hard work to be eating.
Like we're trying to stuff ourselves or something.
I don't know. It's very strange, but that's a separate topic.
So yes, it's true. Are we still working?
Yes. They say that all the time.
All the time. Yeah, eating.
Right. Right. Or I'll hear them say something like, oh, what are we thinking of having for appetizers?
What are we thinking?
But the waiter isn't one of the people thinking, so it's just an interesting phenomenon.
It's really, really interesting.
And there are a lot of reasons why you might do this.
And we're going to get into it.
But first, Michelle, can I do a special shout out to a super listener?
Yes, this is incredible.
All right, let's hear it, Lindsay.
I can't wait. This is truly incredible.
We have an open forum with our listeners.
If you have listened to all of the episodes of All There's English, you are considered a super listener.
And today we are letting you know that Christina Villo from Valencia, Spain has listened to all of our episodes.
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And Michelle, any thoughts there?
Just that that's really amazing.
And we thank you so much.
You've been with us on quite a long journey so far, over 10 years, over 2 ,000 episodes.
So just it's amazing.
Thank you for sticking with us and really believing in connection, not perfection.
So we are so appreciative.
Yes, we love our super listeners.
Guys, if you're also a super listener, email me to support at all there's English .com.
And we will announce your name on the show.
All right, so Michelle, let's get back to it.
Let's get back to this concept of we.
Again, it's very strange that the waitress would say, are we still working?
Because she's not eating.
He or she is not eating at that moment.
So why we? Yeah, I mean, it's really interesting and very common.
To me, sometimes I feel that it's very natural sounding.
But do you ever feel that it sounds forced?
Yes. Yeah, sometimes it kind of makes me, my ears perk up a bit, or it feels a little awkward.
Yes. I actually don't know how I really feel about this.
If I love it, or if it just feels, I don't know, it just sometimes it feels awkward, like it's a little forced.
Yeah, I think we're getting into a real extreme nuance here.
But there are moments when it can feel staged and fake.
Especially, I don't know, I'm imagining walking into a wine tasting.
And the wine tasting, I've paid $100 for the wine tasting.
And there's a sense that the person is trying to create this shared community.
But it's really just, we're here to taste the wine.
It's just, there are moments in which it just feels fake.
It can feel templated and fake.
Yes. Oh, templated, that's a very good word.
So yeah, I agree. I think sometimes I don't even notice it.
So sometimes, probably if you don't notice it, that means that the person did a good job.
Totally. We're genuine.
They're genuine. But if you notice it, I remember one time recently in particular, I heard it and it just made me stop for a second.
Well, what was the scenario?
Where were you? It was a waiter, a waitress.
I think, similar to, oh, how are we doing right now?
Maybe not how are we doing?
But maybe, it may have been more of a specific question, like the appetizer type question, what are we thinking of having?
Definitely, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.
No, no, it's fine. I was just like, definitely if it's being done in the context of any kind of upsell or looking for an additional purchase, that rubs me the wrong way.
That rubs me the wrong way.
So maybe, then it feels like a tactic.
Yes, like are we looking to start with any appetizers?
Would we like to get the higher end something, something?
So then, you're basically using the building of community towards making higher sales in a way.
But that's kind of a cynical way to look at it, right?
So, I think when it's done off the cuff spontaneously and it feels genuine, it works, it works.
Yeah, it can, it can.
So it's, basically like we said, it's adding the word we and replacing the word you with we.
And again, this is important to talk about because it could be confusing for our listeners.
You're learning English and then you hear we and you're thinking, wait, what?
Right, you're wondering is this person going to join me for dinner?
What's happening? And of course, it's not just in the context of the restaurant is an easy example, but there are definitely other contexts.
So maybe we'll get into some of them in a bit.
Yeah, yeah, it's used to make people feel close to you.
And I think it's used mostly by professionals.
So like we said, waiters, waitresses, baristas, designers, planners, or even announcers.
So how are we doing tonight, right?
You ever, you know, like the hype man.
Like somebody comes out before a show or - Oh, okay.
How are we doing tonight?
Are we ready to rock and roll?
Yeah, instead of saying how are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Right, because something about how are you doing tonight is just to, I mean, you can say it.
Of course you can get away with it.
It's just there's other ways to deliver.
That line, right? Which is this one.
This is one of them.
Yeah. Right, right, exactly.
So, you know, I remember recently somebody I was working with sent me a text with a picture that said, do we like this?
So that's another thing that you might hear.
Do we like this? Do you ever, maybe you're trying on clothes and you're trying to pick an outfit and we might say, do we like this?
Yeah, so that's a little different.
So that's not so much a service provider of any or a sales person.
That's more like a group and you're at, but let's say you're trying it on and you're asking your friend if they like it, if you together with your friend like it collectively, right?
Right, right, right, exactly.
So to me, it's a strategy.
It shows people that you care, that you're in their group.
You're trying to show that you are part of a community.
Exactly, you are on that person's team.
100%, 100 % and then I think there are other times, for example, at work where we might just, certainly you're on their team, right?
It's a team thing, but you may just wanna de -emphasize the you, you know, even on our team, sometimes checking in, I'll say something like, how are we doing on this?
Yeah, right. Instead of how are you doing on this?
It just feels a little less direct.
Yes, yes, I think that's a good point, right?
Especially when you're addressing the group, just to feel instead of, oh, how are you?
Because I think when you're addressing a group, you sounds like maybe one.
And so especially when it's a group, instead of just to make it sound more like the community you said that we really opens it up.
Or even just talking to one person on the team.
Yeah, yeah. Checking in on something, progress on some goal we have.
I might say, how are we doing on this?
And it kind of hints in this case of the community, hints at the community meaning, it's not just that person that's responsible is gonna, the goal doesn't get accomplished or not, you know?
It's really, we're working together on it, but that person is responsible for the deliverable.
Right? Yeah, yes. It's very interesting how it's used.
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Okay, Michelle. Let's dig into some very clear examples.
Okay, so we're gonna go through a couple ways that it could be used.
So for example, a doctor may walk in to, you're waiting, waiting, waiting, usually for a long time for the doctor to come in.
Yes, I need that. And then they walk in.
Right, and they may say, how are we feeling today?
Or, you know, sometimes if you're there for a sick visit, they might say, oh, are we not feeling so well today?
Or something like that.
Yeah, and of course, the doctor's not asking about their own health or feeling, right?
They're asking about you.
So they could very well say, how are you feeling today?
And you will also hear that.
It's not like no one is saying that, right?
But we're just saying, we don't want you to be confused when you hear this other way of speaking, right?
Yes, yes, exactly. Or what's another profession that you could hear using this?
So a dentist, any kind of maintenance of health, are we flossing every night?
And again, that might also be using we because it's a direct question.
And when you have a direct question and you use you, it feels even more direct.
Are you flossing every night?
Right, especially the floss question is always a sensitive one because usually people don't, maybe don't floss every night.
Are they no floss at all?
Complicated question, yes.
It's always kind of when you go into the dentist, those questions might make somebody a little bit nervous, so the dentist might say they're - Let's say they're triggering, yes.
Triggering, that's right, exactly, exactly.
So, but right, any sort of maintenance or a thing you're supposed to do, even, I can imagine, when you go to the doctor and sometimes they might say, oh, they want to know about your routines.
They want to know, do you exercise, the person who comes in, maybe the practitioner or the nurse and they come in and they might be going down a list.
So are we exercising three to five times a week?
Yeah, totally. So we're seeing a lot of different contexts here.
We're talking about friends and we'll show you a line that a friend might say now, but service providers like medical practitioners, that's for, it's all about kind of using community as the undertone, but maybe for different reasons.
Like the medical practitioner is not trying to upsell you.
Right, but it's about being less direct.
And then a friend, Michelle, what's another example of what a friend might say?
So you might be talking about a new show you're watching or you could say, are we loving this new show?
Yes. Yes. Or do we hate this outfit or do we hate it?
You ever hear that kind of a construction?
Yes, do we hate this outfit or do we hate it?
So it's A or B. Right, exactly.
So this one is more just community building in my opinion.
Yeah. And then at the end of the meal with the waiter waitress, they might come by and say, do we need any boxes to take home?
So we're not gonna finish, we've been working hard on our meal.
Yes, working, working, working.
So weird. And so what's our advice to our listeners if they wanna try to use this?
I mean, a big aspect outcome of today's episode is understanding what people are actually trying to say when you hear it, because you will, but if we wanna use it, any advice?
Well, say it with confidence and be genuine.
If it doesn't, don't just say, I'm gonna do this today.
If it doesn't, I mean, you can try it out wherever it feels right.
If it doesn't feel right, try to avoid it because it might sound unnatural.
In my opinion, the best way to start using it would be for the community building.
Maybe try using with a friend.
Something like that, rather than trying to use it necessarily to upsell someone in the beginning.
Yeah, here's a simple way you could get started using it for our listeners, guys.
You could just say, let's say you're with your friend and you're trying to decide where to go for dinner.
What do we feel like tonight?
What are we feeling like tonight, Thai or Italian?
That's really a nice, easy, approachable way to start using it.
Okay, like a native speaker.
I love that. That's a really good one.
So, all right, should we do a role play?
Yes, let's do it. So, we are, I'm working at a salad bar making salads and you're a customer.
Here we go. Here we go.
Hi, how can I help you?
I'd like a mixed green salad with turkey.
Okay, great. And what kind of toppings were we thinking of mixing in today?
Let's go with avocado, tomato, and feta.
Great. Okay, so this is kind of a fast casual type place, is that right?
Very hot trend. Or at least it was in the last few years.
All right, so where did we see we here?
All right, so I told you what I wanted and then you are going to the next step.
You need more information from me.
So, you've said what kind of topics, topics, toppings were we thinking of mixing in today?
So, this is a very interesting one because you could have also said, are we?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fascinating.
This is combining two weird grammar patterns into one, right?
And we can do another episode another day.
I'm sure we have already done so, we'll do an updated one guys hit follow on past tense, but you're not in the past tense.
In this moment, you're in the present tense.
So, why would I say were we thinking?
What kind of toppings were we thinking of mixing in today?
Yeah, because it's, you basically you're saying that it may be you've been thinking about it for a while.
It's another way of being less direct.
Yeah, it's another, yes, absolutely.
Yeah, both of these functions using we instead of you and using were instead of are are both two ways to be less direct when you ask them on that question.
Fascinating. We'll come back to that second one later this year, guys.
All right. Good, Michelle.
All right, so yeah, guys, definitely go over now and check out episode 2276 of this podcast, the All There's English podcast, that was breathe a sigh of relief with this vocabulary.
So, a good vocab one that you can listen to.
Yeah, so for a takeaway today, I mean, we wanna challenge you guys, number one, just be ready for this.
Now, we've primed your ears.
Anytime you go into a restaurant, a fast casual place, a medical office in the US right now in 2024, you're likely to hear this, Michelle, right?
So, just to know now, it doesn't always mean that you're doing something together.
The person is building community or being less direct or maybe they're trying to find something.
Or falling kind of more of a pre, they may be trying to sell you something, but let's just err on the side of community.
They're trying to be friendly most of the time.
That's really what it is.
I agree, I agree. So, we won't be so cynical about it, but guys, definitely look out for this one.
And now you know, when somebody says we to you, when they're not involved, you know why they're doing it.
I love it. This is fantastic, Michelle.
Thanks for bringing this key piece of modern English into Aller's English.
We love it. We love it.
Of course, all right.
And thanks again to Christina, our super listener.
We love you. Thank you so much for listening and keep on listening.
All right, good stuff.
Take care, Michelle.
Talk soon. All right, bye.
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