This is an All-Ears English Podcast Episode 2182,
X versus Old.
How to talk about former relationships in English.
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When you want to give context about your life,
tell story or share a dramatic moment in your past.
How can you refer to your former partner, boss, or friend?
Find out in today's episode.
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What can you say in English when people keep mispronouncing your name?
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Hello, Michelle. How's it going today?
Good. How are you, Lindsay?
Yeah, I'm doing great. I'm excited to be here.
So what is happening on the show today?
What are we getting into?
Well, this is going to be a little juicy.
No, not really some aspects of it.
But we're talking about when we say X, not the letter X, EX.
Lindsay, have you ever stayed friends with any of maybe your X bosses
after leaving the job?
Personally, no.
But I know people who have.
I actually know I was just having dinner.
Not dinner. Just drinks at the home of my partner's X boss.
Not like CEO of the company, but the boss within the team,
within that team that my partner was working on.
And so we were over there.
This particular boss no longer works at the company
and Nord is my partner.
So all good.
Now they've just become friends.
And so yes, this does happen.
Yeah, oh, that's so funny.
Yeah. So it definitely happened.
That happens, guys.
So that's what we're going to be talking about today, the prefix X.
But listen, definitely till the end of this episode,
we have a Spotify key poll for today.
We've been doing these key polls on Spotify.
If you listen on Spotify, you will see them.
And we are going to be sharing results on future episodes.
So it's a fun way for us to interact with you.
Let your voice be heard.
And we can see what you have to say about a certain question.
So just stay tuned to listen to that question towards the end of the episode.
And it's going to be a juicy question, as you said, Michelle, isn't it?
That's right.
That's right.
So before we get into the episode, we also
want to have you guys head on over to a recent episode we did.
It was 2176, was tired of awesome.
Try this phrase to respond positively in English.
So that was a fun one.
Yes.
So this phrase, this word X, Michelle, it is used a lot, isn't it?
A lot.
A lot.
What does it mean, though?
I mean, it's used for, it basically means former, not anymore, something that was true
in the past.
And it's usually used in relation to a person and your relationship with that person.
Right, Michelle?
Right.
Right.
So some sort of relationship.
So it could be boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, some sort of, you know.
So with that, we can sometimes say my ex boyfriend, my ex girlfriend, my ex husband,
my ex wife.
But sometimes we just say my ex and yes, if somebody says my ex, do you automatically,
what do you think?
Do you think that they're talking about their former boss or no, that would be strange.
No, it's always a romantic relationship, a girlfriend, boyfriend or a husband wife,
a spouse, when it's in ex.
There's only one ex, but there's an ex boss, there's an ex neighbor.
Right?
Yeah.
Isn't that funny?
If you think that's the only one, that's where we primarily would say my ex.
So otherwise, need to have ex something.
But if you are talking about a former romantic relationship, you could just say my ex.
Yeah, that is really interesting.
So our listeners need to know that what it means and when you can just say ex and when
you need to add on the actual label of the person, right?
Yeah, yes.
Right.
Exactly.
And when we said you could also say my ex boss, right?
Or what do you think co-worker, my ex co-worker?
Sure.
You can say that.
My ex co-worker, what about employee?
My ex employee?
I feel a little cumbersome, right?
Right.
But yeah, right.
So what I found was it's interesting because it isn't used with that many things, but it's
used frequently.
I would say ex boss and ex person in a relationship are for sure used.
What do you think?
Yeah, my ex boss.
I think ex co-worker, ex co-worker, ex employee feels weird.
I don't know why.
I don't hear that.
But definitely the most common, I say 80% of the times you hear this is probably going
to be about a relationship.
Yeah, a romantic relationship.
I agree.
And it's not used with, even though it just means former, we don't use it with things
like friends, job, house, teacher, right?
It's reserved for those specific things.
So I want to say, oh, my ex house.
I've always wondered why a wonder if ex implies some kind of drama.
You know what I mean?
More than, like for example, you don't say ex friend.
Maybe you're not friends anymore, but you say old friend as you said, Michelle, right?
We don't say ex friend because there could be drama.
There could be for sure be drama.
There could be for sure drama.
I mean, it depends.
Yeah, but even so, I don't think you say ex friend.
So I don't know if it has to deal with drama or it's just chunks in the language.
I'm not sure.
I don't know because I've always wondered, like if you say my old partner, like an old
girlfriend, old boyfriend versus ex boyfriend.
I feel like that implies ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend implies that there's something that
there's some remaining kind of bitterness or feelings a little bit in my mind versus
an old girlfriend from when I was in high school.
Do you know what I mean?
Or am I just making this up?
Right.
I see what you're saying.
I do agree that if you say my old boyfriend, oh, my old boyfriend from high school.
Okay.
I think ex is a little bit more relevant, right?
More substantial.
I don't know that it's necessarily dramatic, but maybe it was just a more substantial relationship
that's not so far in the past.
Or yeah, or more timely, more relevant, more recent, a more prominent relationship, right?
Like, you don't really, in terms, unless you married or came close to marrying that person
who you're still in touch with them, the person you dated in high school is probably not
going to be as much of an ex more of an old boyfriend, old girlfriend, right?
No, something.
Yes.
Lindsay, have you ever run into an ex and it was awkward?
Have you ever had any awkward ex encounters?
That's a good question.
I think yes.
Yes.
That happened to me once at a museum in Boston or some kind of performance evening with my
current partner at the time.
So yes.
Oh, yeah.
It wasn't awkward.
No hard feelings, you know.
Yeah.
Okay, what about you, Michelle?
Has that ever happened to you?
No, I feel like most of, I feel like my exes lived in a different place.
Yeah.
Like I ended up being in a different location, so I didn't really run into that.
Sure.
I mean, why are people like transient, right?
You know, people in our generation, we move around the country, move around the world,
so that's less likely to happen than if you stay in your hometown, your whole life.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Okay, Michelle.
What's next?
Okay.
So we are going to go further into this because we're talking about how ex is very important
to know, but it's not used with everything.
So let's talk about the other options that we have.
We've been throwing out this word the whole time.
So the word is former.
Yes.
Was you here?
This a lot?
Yeah.
This one's good too.
This one feels a little more professional, more articulate.
It's personal, right?
Put a little distance.
This is used for, for example, a former boss, right?
Instead of an ex-boss, a former boss, definitely feels more formal to me.
Michelle.
Yeah.
I agree.
You could say, I mean, I don't know, saying my former boyfriend, you could, but I feel
like with a romantic partner, it's either ex or how you said, old.
Could be.
Yeah.
I agree.
Former girlfriend, maybe, maybe, it's not wrong.
You could get away with it, but it does create that distance.
And because this was a romantic relationship, it just doesn't feel quite right.
I agree.
Yeah.
I agree.
And another one is previous.
Yeah.
For example, and when do we use this more?
Is this more for people or for things?
Right.
This one is one that we can use more for things, I think, because I wouldn't really say
my, unless I'm talking about specifically the one that is, unless I'm really just talking
about the order of things.
And in my previous, right, my previous job, right, but that's a thing.
So you could say previous owner, I feel like I hear that a lot.
Yeah.
The previous owner of my car, previous owner of my house, right?
Sure.
You're more focused on really the order in which things happen.
You're just saying the closest to the time that you're talking about or my previous job,
right?
So the job that I had before this one, previous couch, our previous couch at our house was super
uncomfortable.
And we upgraded a couple of years ago.
Thank goodness.
Right.
Exactly.
So that could be previous.
Previous.
And the last one is old, which Lindsay, you brought up right from the start.
So yeah, this one is very common.
Let's talk about it.
What do you think this one is used for?
Yeah.
I mean, you know, definitely something that you had in the past, an old job and old computer.
I have lots of old cords from every old computer.
I saw a meme of a guy throwing them all away from 10 years, plastic bag full of cords
from like the last 10 years, just throwing them in.
Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have that bag somewhere that you have.
I have a giant drawer.
Yeah, yes, a junk drawer.
And I don't understand why we save these things.
Oh, I think we think we might need them someday, Michelle.
I'm not sure why we save them.
Take over.
Yeah, we're going to attack them with the cords.
Yes.
Or then, then we'll have all the old technology and they won't know what to do.
I know it's ridiculous, actually.
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, so old could also just be saying something is old, right?
A person is old, a thing is old.
Yeah.
And I like Lindsay.
I think what you brought up was important, saying my old boyfriend, my old girlfriend,
putting some distance between it.
Yeah.
And I do think that when you say old girlfriend, old boyfriend, it implies like there's
not quite as much of an emotional, like it doesn't matter anymore as much.
It's irrelevant emotionally to you.
For as an ex implies, it was a more prominent relationship, more recent or more important.
I think it's not always that way, but I think that would be where I would choose old versus
ex.
Yeah.
And yeah, I think that's a good guideline to go for.
And then you can see that there may be other ways as well.
But I do think that that's a good way for our listeners to have it in their minds.
Yes.
And then last is just the one right before, last job, last car, last boss.
Right.
So that one's similar to previous, right?
Exactly.
Although previous could be in a previous job, right?
In a previous job, that could be any previous job, right?
Yep.
Yep.
That's right.
Well, very interesting.
So well, let's go through and put these all together and see how it works out.
So here we are classmates working on a project.
Here we go.
Oh, sorry, I'm late.
I just ran into my ex awkward.
Yeah.
Ooh, that's okay.
I ran into my ex boss the other day and he had fired me.
So that was super uncomfortable.
Oh, that sounds rough.
Okay, so I brought my new laptop today.
My old one broke.
Oh, no.
That happened to my last phone just a few days ago.
That's too bad.
Yeah, not surprised that happened to my computer.
It was used.
The previous owner told me that it may not last too long.
Oh, used.
Yeah.
My former roommate always got used to tech and it broke immediately.
All right.
Good stuff.
So here we use lots of interesting things.
So first I said, sorry, I'm late.
I just ran into my ex.
Am I saying my ex friend boss?
What am I saying here, Michelle?
Somebody you had a romantic relationship with.
That's the one that's used on its own.
And it's interesting because yeah, you said awkward.
You didn't say I just ran into an old boyfriend, an old girlfriend.
You didn't say that.
You said I just ran into my ex, which especially that you were saying my ex.
Right.
So that tells you it's the ex.
It's the ex.
Right.
I have dated 10 people in your life, but this is the important ex that matters right now.
Right?
Exactly.
So that's why maybe it was awkward.
And then what did you say?
What did I say?
I said, oh, that's okay.
I ran into my ex boss the other day and he had fired me.
So that was super uncomfortable.
Right?
Yes.
A little bit of drama.
So yes.
Yes.
And then you said you brought your new laptop today.
You said my old one broke.
Yes.
Yes.
And then you said, oh no, that happened to my last phone just a few days ago.
My last phone.
So you're implying that you got a new phone just a few days ago, right?
Right.
Lindsay, could you say that happened to my ex phone?
No.
No, no, no.
Right?
No, no, no.
Exes are reserved for people because as we said, you know, this you would and you wouldn't
say like your ex town, no, it's always people because yeah, people are what where the
emotional connection usually is and ex implies a more like serious emotional connection as
we said.
Yeah.
And then you said the previous owner told me it may not last too long.
So previous owner, I think that's a pretty good chunk.
You hear a lot, oh, the previous owner of this, the previous owner of the car, the
pre right, if you got something from somebody else or the house.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, right, right, right.
Exactly.
Yes.
And then you said, oh, used my former roommate always got used to and it broke immediately.
You could have also said my old roommate, that would have sounded right.
Right.
If I said last or previous, it's more about the timing for some reason.
I think it's important for you to know.
But here I'm just, it could have been the most recent.
It could have been one from two years ago or three years ago.
So interesting there.
Yeah, 100%.
This is, there's more nuance here than I realized.
Michelle Paul.
I think our listeners are ready for it.
So guys, experiment with one of these practice using it.
Focus on connection.
It is okay to make a mistake here.
If you do make a mistake, someone might ask you for clarification.
Yeah, they might want to know, was that a significant former romantic partner or not
significant, but just okay, be ready for it.
That's a way to start conversations.
Right.
Yep.
Yep.
Yes.
Absolutely.
So do we have a key spot out of five poll for today?
I'm excited about this one.
Yeah.
Michelle, why don't you announce the poll?
I think all of our listeners are going to want to get in on the vote here.
So guys, you better be on Spotify to vote here with this poll.
And we will read the results in a future episode.
All right.
The question is, is it okay to stay friends with an ex?
Yes.
Or no.
So here, as we spoke about when we say with an ex, somebody that you had a significant
romantic relationship with, do you think it's okay to stay friends with them?
Yeah.
Let us know, yes or no.
And there is no in between, as always, on these polls, we don't give you a maybe option.
We don't give you a middle ground.
We want to know.
Yes.
So you have to choose and tell us.
And I can't wait to see the results on that, Michelle.
So I'm here.
So what's the takeaway for today?
Where should we leave our listeners who've gotten into a lot of nuance today?
Yeah.
Well, it could seem a little confusing.
I know we threw a lot at you.
But the main things to walk away with from today are that ex is a little bit more
significant.
Yes.
If you use it on its own, it's about a former romantic partner that's that was a point
significant.
Right.
But if you just say ex without anything after it, that's always you want to say that about
your boss.
Exactly.
But you could use ex boss.
Love that.
But we gave you lots of other ones to work on today.
We gave you a role play.
And I also want to say that I think this is really useful for telling stories, for connecting
with people.
And that helps show who the important people or places are or were in your life to add
to that story.
That is such a good point.
Michelle, and so important to finish up today's episode.
The point of what we're doing here at all, there's English is connection, not perfection.
It's connection.
It's storytelling.
It's showing people who you are by giving context about your life.
And that's what Michelle has told us here.
This is what we need.
So focus on getting the message across not being perfect with the perfect choice of words.
But today you have a sense of what these words are for.
Exactly.
Oh wow.
Okay.
Well, this was a lot of fun.
And let's hope we don't run into any of our exes at the grocery store.
Exactly.
Michelle, you have a good day.
I'll talk to you soon.
Thanks.
You too.
Bye.
Bye.
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