This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2120.
Was it meant to be?
How to talk about fate in English.
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Today, get three key phrases for how to talk about things that seem like they were meant to be in your life, and find out why you might want to be careful with this phrase.
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Excellent, Michelle.
I'm doing great.
I'm back from traveling all over the US, from the West Coast California over to Boston and now back to Denver.
So I'm finally home.
I'm feeling good.
I cannot keep track of you.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's crazy.
It's good to be home for a week or so.
That's good.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
Settle in a little bit.
Lindsay, do you think all ears english was meant to be?
Believe it or not?
I actually do okay, tell me more.
Well, just when we first launched you know the way that it just took off from the beginning i just had this feeling like there was something very special about all ears english.
Right, and i'm trying to separate my own bias from what i think like it just has a different vibe.
Right, we're trying to talk about connection.
We're trying to make sure the world can connect, and i think there's been so much history in english language learning around getting stuck in perfectionism, and so we take this different angle and i think the world needs something like that, you know.
So yeah, i think it was meant to be.
It was meant to be good.
I love it, i love it.
So that's what we're talking about today, because we have a listener question.
But speaking of meant to be, i mean our listeners, like we were we, i guess we were meant to be with you guys.
I know we're so thankful, and all ears english obviously would not be what what it is today without you guys, and we want to thank our reviewers, um for for their reviews.
So lindsay, you want to thank?
Uh, you want to read the names for us?
Yeah, so thank you to saeed gassanpour from iran, alex thuan o2 from japan and mostafa zarapur, from the uk.
Those are just a few of the listeners who reviewed us recently.
Guys, it is right now we're in the week between christmas and new years.
We would love a little gift, a little christmas gift, to see your review right, so go ahead and leave us a review.
You know michelle, i always send you the reviews or i try to when i, when i see one and we read them, don't we?
We read them every time, For sure.
I know I really do always read them and I'm so thankful.
And it's just another way to connect with you guys.
So thank you so much.
And if you haven't done it, please, please do.
We'd love to hear from you.
Yeah.
To get your name read aloud on the show, go ahead and leave us a review.
You can even ask your question right inside your review because that will get looked at.
So good stuff.
All right, Michelle, do we have a listener question today?
We do.
Since you read the reviews, you want me to read the question?
Yeah, why not?
Why not?
I'll do it.
All right.
So it says, hi there.
My name is Mao and I'm a high school student in Japan.
Hi, Mao.
I've been a listener of your podcast and enjoying listening and enjoy listening to it every morning.
Oh, that's amazing.
Yes.
Every morning.
Wow.
Coffee and all is English, right?
Yeah.
So I was an international student in Canada last year and I sometimes heard people using the phrase meant to be.
Despite hearing it frequently, I didn't really ask about its meaning.
Now back in Japan, I'm curious to understand its significance.
I'm just wondering if you guys can explain the meaning of meant to be also and when to use it.
Thank you so much and keep up the fantastic work with the podcast.
Have a good rest of your day.
Smiley face mouth.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mal.
Thank you for making All Ears English a big part of your life.
We love it.
And we love these very specific and detailed questions, don't we, Michelle?
We love them.
Yes.
This is great.
This is great.
So guys, if you haven't listened, a recent episode could be great is 2108?
How to Add Nuance to Your Opinions in English.
Because maybe you're talking about an opinion of something that's meant to be or not meant to be.
So a good one to listen to as well.
I love that idea.
We're all about nuance, guys.
We're trying to bring you up to that 99% fluency level for connection.
So that episode in particular is really good.
To just add a little detail, be a little bit more interesting when you talk about your opinions beyond what you would learn in the textbook.
Right, Michelle?
That's right.
Yep yep, exactly.
So yes, let's get into it.
So lindsay, when you hear something was meant to be, what do you think of that ex with that expression?
Um well, on the very, very surface level, you could think of rom-coms, for sure right, a lot of rom-coms.
Romantic comedy movies will play up this scene like, i think of the movie.
Was it sliding doors?
Yeah right where, like they just happened to meet only because something else happened.
Right, that concept, but we'll get into it.
What do you think of michelle?
What comes to mind?
Yeah, i mean yeah, the first thing that i think of like, when i hear meant to be i, i do think of romantic comedies and romance too right yeah, and romance, like you know.
Oh, were you meant to be?
It was meant to be yeah, but it's not just about romance.
This expression right, lindsay?
Yeah, it's not just about romance, right?
So we bring it into our conversation in American English when we talk about something being faded for something or someone, like it was always supposed to happen.
I have kind of like mixed feelings about this phrase a little bit, and I could talk about it in a little, in a second here, about meant to be yeah, kind of, because I sort of feel like it.
It can take agency away from us if we say it too much, right?
Like, Oh, I didn't get the job.
It just wasn't meant to be.
What could I have done better to get the job?
What could I do in the future to get that?
Or could I call them again and ask for a coffee with the boss?
Like you know, it's sometimes we have to know the line between being at peace with something, that the way things went, the way they did, versus.
Is there something else I can do?
So I think it can be a little dangerous.
Yeah.
You brought it there.
Yeah.
I think, um, I agree with you.
You have to know, when do you sit back and let the world happen to you?
Sometimes people say, oh, this hasn't happened.
It wasn't meant for my life.
It wasn't my fate.
It wasn't my story.
But you can say that too much and just make excuses.
Yeah.
Or did you just not set up the conditions that were likely to have it happen?
Did you not do the right things.
So it's a little complicated.
You know, i also think in the end, like on a very deep level, life is just happening to us, right?
We can't, we don't have as much control as maybe we think we do.
Like, on a very deep level, life is just going to happen.
So, just to go deep here michelle, but yeah, it's an interesting phrase and i think it's good for our listeners to know it, because we use it all the time, we use it a lot, we use it a lot.
Yeah yes Yes, exactly.
So yeah.
Like talking about all there's English being meant to be.
I mean, that was something that it w.
Maybe it was it was meant to be, but also it wouldn't have been.
Yeah.
Had it not been for the hard work.
Right.
Oh my gosh.
That's a good point.
Like I talked about at the top of the episode, there was a gut feeling I had that that we should continue all there's English.
So we should keep it going.
There is something important that we have to give to the world here.
You know and I didn't have that gut feeling with the other company that I was running at the time right,
So it was a tutoring company.
That one didn't matter as much.
For some reason, there was something special about All Ears English.
So that's what I mean when I say, yeah, I think it was meant to be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just that something was intended to happen.
I mean, we use this in a couple of freak, a couple different ways, and we can follow up on more another time.
But yeah, i mean like, for example, i could say i feel like i was meant to be on all ears english uh yeah no, i um, but i do feel.
I i feel because i had graduated from school.
Yeah, i had a background in radio.
Yeah, i was thinking what's going to be my place in right, this sphere and this new?
You know, it was like a totally new thing.
And there was a piece of me that felt well, I would hate to totally just throw away my past experience in radio.
And then it just so happened that I got a job announcement for somewhere on the interwebs.
Yes.
And I just felt like it was meant to be.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I think, yeah, based on your background, your work history or education, it made total sense.
It felt like a fit right.
Yes um, and that was when podcasting was just emerging.
It really was.
It was not many people were listening to podcasts in 2014.
It was a brand new medium in some ways.
Um, i see this used a lot when people talk about, let's say, for example, you're looking for a house and it's been a tough housing market and people were getting outbid left and right.
That's a good episode topic, by the way, left and right.
And then, you know, many people might say, oh, we tried our best.
It just wasn't meant to be with this house.
Maybe the next one.
That would be a good example of how I might use this.
Right.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So we are going to go we are going to go through more in just a second.
Perfect.
All right.
Good.
Where do we go from here, Michelle?
So, yeah, I mean, it can be used to talk about your path personally or professional.
So like oh, I was always meant to be a New Yorker.
I wanted to live here since I was a little girl.
And so like, it just your path.
Like it was, it was my fate.
I was meant to be a New Yorker, but it can also be used about people like Oh, do you think you and your partner were meant to be right?
That kind of a thing.
Right.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I use it a lot.
As we said at the top, romantic connections, rom-coms, things like that.
That's a really common way to use it, Michelle, for sure.
Yeah.
It's sometimes, like you know, in a about like, when there's a story to something, that there's a background right.
Like I talked about getting on all ears English.
Um, there's a background to it.
There's a story to it.
And here's another one.
I mean I'm one of probably my best friends in uh in, where you know, in the area in New York um is someone who I had met her at a baby class, like once.
And so we saw each other, but I just happened to be with my parents at this bakery, uh, nearby.
And uh, i was standing outside and this woman walked by and we were like oh, don't we know each other from the class?
And and then we exchanged information.
I mean, and this is now, our babies were maybe six months and now they're both.
Oh, that's amazing, and so we're still friends.
So i feel like it was meant to be like it.
Would you know had i not been there?
Yeah, who knows what would have happened.
Oh, I love that.
And we've talked about this before on the show, Michelle like moments in life that were so key for more, for the people that ended up in your life.
And you're thinking, what if you hadn't been there or hadn't done that thing and seen that person?
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
But we can also say, Lindsay, like you've brought up already saying it in the negative way.
Something wasn't meant to be or isn't meant to be.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
So for example, talking about a relationship, they broke up.
I guess they weren't meant to be.
You know, and we can get some level of solace here, too, especially if that's a relationship.
Oh, he ghosted me.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be right.
And that can be good.
That can be healthy to say, you know what?
Like fate is like the world.
Maybe there's a plan going on or just it's just not supposed to happen is what we're saying here.
Right.
Right.
So I think that's OK.
And that in that world.
But yeah, the next example is about the job.
Right.
Like so professionally.
Oh, I didn't get the job.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
And that's where we have to think about.
I think so.
You know, we have to think about it a little bit more.
Right.
Well, I think it's just you say it once.
But if you see yourself saying it over and over and over and you're just not getting these jobs, is there something you could be doing on your own time to increase your prospects?
So yeah, that's, there's a difference between a romantic connection.
If it's not there, it's not there versus, uh, getting a job.
Maybe there are things you could do.
Right.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
So but it can also be used really just to comfort someone.
Oh, you know, it just wasn't meant to be.
So you could.
You could always, although I mean sometimes people might not like that kind of comfort, but that's really everybody's personal feeling.
Yeah, people have different opinions about this for sure.
So what would that look like?
What else, Michelle?
How else would we use it?
Okay.
Well, now we're going to go through a couple of other things you could say.
Okay.
So one thing you could say is I was born for this, to be born for something.
And what a good feeling when you're doing something you feel like you were born to do. right?
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
And this, this kind of goes back to strengths finder.
We've taken the strengths finder assessment to figure out what we do.
Well, example guys, she was born to be a star.
Yeah.
You hear that a lot, right?
Yes.
Yes.
I love that.
What else?
Um, the other one is it was destiny.
So it was her destiny to be a doctor.
Hmm.
So good.
So good.
Why is this a connection skill to be able to say this?
And more importantly, to know, I think this is about knowing who you're saying it to.
Is it the right person to say that too?
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Well, tell me more.
Like, I think some people, well, let's say for, for a job, you didn't get the job.
Your friend didn't get the job or even a relationship.
Some people would respond positively to, I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Other people might get a little.
Yeah.
Right.
Frustrated.
Don't you think?
Or annoyed?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so too, because I mean, sometimes you want that comfort.
Oh, it wasn't meant to be.
Yeah, yeah.
And sometimes it's like, well, but I worked really hard on this and let's not minimize that, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
It's a fine line.
We have to walk that line here, Michelle.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
So, but I think this is good for connection.
You have to really Think about it carefully when you use this.
It can open conversations.
It can comment on a situation.
Lindsay, anything else that you feel was meant to be in your life?
Yeah, I kind of always felt like I was meant to live in Colorado, actually, believe it or not.
When I did my first road trip, I've done four or five of them around the US.
But when I did my first one, I intentionally skipped Colorado because I had this feeling at some point I would be living here.
Oh.
And then I met my partner.
And we ended up out here.
Right.
So had you ever had you ever been before?
I hadn't been.
I had come out to visit with my partner, but I had never lived here or really spent any time on my own out here.
And so I had this feeling it was somewhere in my future.
So after you had been there.
Well, I hadn't when I when I when you had the feelings was way before.
It was like when I was.
So then you hadn't been there.
No, I hadn't been there.
But you had, ah, that's what I wanted to know.
So like, oh, so you just, wow, that's kind of.
I don't know.
Maybe it's because it's just, it's a state where I always knew I would connect, right?
So the sunshine, outdoor lifestyle, that kind of thing.
But I think sometimes we have an intuition about our lives a little bit.
I wonder how our listeners would feel about that.
Do you feel that way?
There's a little bit of an intuition about what's ahead sometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, I think in some ways, but I think there's that expression man plans and God laughs.
I love that expression.
I love that too.
Man plans and God, my mom says that a lot.
Yeah.
It's just like, you know, you can great one.
Yeah.
You can align everything up and you can do everything and get all your ducks in a row as they say.
Right.
Yeah.
But you know, it doesn't happen.
And uh.
It's funny though, to like think about your life and think about oh, things could have gone this way, or I wish things had been in a certain way, or something had happened like this or that or whatever.
But then when you think about where you are now, it's like if, if anything had been different, that's everything.
You know, your life would be different now.
Oh my gosh.
It's so true.
It's complicated.
It's complicated.
It is complicated.
Yeah.
With this phrase.
It's just about knowing, I think knowing your audience for this phrase.
You know, will they, will they respond to this in a way that they resonate and they say thank you for saying that you're right.
It wasn't meant to be, or it was meant to be, or will they push back and say, what do you mean?
You know, this is not what I wanted.
That kind of thing.
Yeah.
That's right.
So should we do a role play?
Yeah.
So here we are friends and we are guests at a wedding.
Nice.
Love weddings.
Okay.
Oh man, I always cry at weddings.
Oh, me too.
Especially when the couple is so clearly meant to be like Maria and Charlie are.
Oh yes, definitely.
I love weddings.
I think I was born to be a wedding guest.
Oh my gosh, I do too.
But sometimes there are too many all at once.
Wedding season is busy.
I wasn't meant to be a wedding guest every weekend.
I get tired of it.
Oh, not me.
It's my destiny to go to weddings.
Weddings are really fun.
Are you pro-wedding?
Do you like to go to weddings?
I do like to go but it.
But it is like when you are at the time in your life where there is just a wedding every weekend, it can get exhausting.
That's exhausting.
Yeah.
But I do, but I do like weddings.
No, it's fun.
I'd say like two, one or two a summer.
Great.
Anything more than that is intense because it's expensive, right?
Yeah.
It is expensive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
What did we say here, Michelle?
Let's break this down and then we got to get off the mic.
Let's do it.
All right.
I said, I cry at weddings, especially when the couple is so clearly meant to be.
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
I love that.
Especially when it's like that.
And then I said, I think I was born to be a wedding guest.
And we're kind of having fun with this, right?
This is not something you would typically say born to be a wedding guest but we're having fun here playing around.
Yes.
Yes.
It's in a funny way.
And then I said, I wasn't meant to be a wedding guest every weekend.
I get tired of it.
Yeah.
And then I say it's my destiny to go to weddings.
Yes.
We're making a joke.
We're making a joke.
We're keeping it light here, guys.
Obviously, with our examples earlier.
Normally these phrases are like I was it was my destiny to play for the NFL.
Yeah, right.
We're taking the lighter route here.
Good.
Yes.
What's the takeaway, Michelle?
Oh, man.
Well, this is a really important connection skill.
You have to think about it, though.
Does the person you're speaking to want to be comforted in this way or be spoken to about this?
And also think about your worldview.
You know, are you using this as an excuse?
Yeah. ever.
Something wasn't meant to be.
Oh, it just wasn't meant to be.
Is there something that you could change with that?
So, but I'm just curious, you know, guys, let us know what was meant to be in your life, right?
Some examples down and then in your next English conversation, you can use this expression.
Yeah.
I think we all have an intuition of what was meant to be, what wasn't meant to be.
So let us know.
You know, good stuff.
And, you know, prepare for your connection conversation using these phrases.
Guys, hit that follow button so you don't miss a single episode of All Ears English.
Good stuff.
Okay.
All right.
Well, this was fun.
And I will talk to you in the next one, Lindsay.
Have a good one, Michelle.
Have a good day.
Bye.
Bye.
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