This is an All Ears English podcast episode 2052.
Give yourself some grace.
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Are you kind to yourself?
Today, learn about an expression that is very trendy right now and how it reflects our mindset coming out of the global health crisis.
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Hey Michelle, what's shaking?
Hey, not too much.
Lindsay, how are you?
I'm feeling good.
What's up?
What's going on today?
Well, you know, things are always busy and I'm tired.
And then I realized like I'm not doing certain things, goals that I've wanted to do, like especially with exercising and things like that.
But I have to give myself grace.
You know, like things are busy, the summer is busy, and I'm just going to give myself grace because yes, I can't get like mad about my at myself for every little thing.
You know totally, it's self-compassion right, this is self-compassion, this is wow.
It's tough if you are so hard on yourself all the time to be perfect.
It's just not sustainable in a life, in a happy life.
You know what I mean.
We need that balance between yes, I have certain things I want to get done and I'm going to try to work towards my goals, but I'm not going to finish everything in that day, that one day.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So actually recently, I've noticed that there's this expression that people love to use and I just said it and it is give yourself grace.
So Lindsay, I noticed this being said everywhere, especially on things like social media.
Um, so i wanted to take something uh, from real life that i hear because i always notice it.
I always notice it.
To be honest, i'll be totally honest.
Sometimes i find it a little bit of an irritating expression, i don't know why.
Just i think because it's because it's i.
I hear it so frequently now that it's like yeah yeah interesting, i don't know, but you said you don't hear it that much.
No, but i don't, I don't spend a lot of time on social media.
I almost never go on TikTok.
I don't know.
I just never got into the habit.
So maybe that's where you're seeing it.
Also it kind of ties into, I guess, our cultural moment though, around yeah, kind of post-pandemic, kind of an awakening around self-compassion.
So I see it more because I study Buddhism, right?
So it plays into Buddhist practice quite a bit.
Self-compassion, kind of letting go. are all Buddhist concepts.
So there's an equivalent in what I study as well.
So for sure, for sure.
It's out there in the culture now.
Yeah.
And grace is also a name.
That's true.
Grace is a name.
So it's a beautiful name.
Yeah.
Lindsay, you mentioned that you felt like it sounds almost like a religious expression, but it's not really used in that way in this context.
I think it's more like.
I think I think of it more as like a yoga teacher saying it like yourself Grace, like when you're- Or pop culture, pop culture.
Right, maybe, yeah, yeah, exactly.
So when I mean Grace, so we said that that can be a name, but Grace is also.
I mean, the dictionary had a lot of different definitions, but my favorite synonyms that I saw were kindness, goodwill and civility.
For this context, right.
So it's basically be kind to yourself, right?
Yeah, totally.
This actually reminds me so much of my grandmother.
She passed away in 2008.
But you know how people always have their own sayings, things they say to you?
So every time... She lived with us for like 10 years.
And every time I would leave her room, say hello to her and then go, she'd say, be good to yourself.
Be good to yourself.
So this is wisdom for the generations.
I mean, she lived through the Great Depression, right?
She was born in 1910.
And so...
What I'm trying to say here is this is not just, it is kind of having a resurgence, this idea of being good to yourself compassion, grace for oneself.
But it's been around forever.
So wait, so she she was 98.
Yeah, she was.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
So wait, your mom's or your dad's mom?
On my mom's side.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, well, she sounds like an amazing person.
We should do an episode like talking about our grandparents.
Oh, that'd be kind of cool.
That'd be cool.
That'd be special.
I love that idea.
Sounds like she was really special.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
I mean, so it is a similar idea.
It basically means be kind to yourself.
Give yourself a break.
Take it slow.
Like, if things don't go exactly how they should, it's okay.
Don't beat yourself up.
So, yeah, that's when I hear it a lot, like when somebody's being too hard on themselves.
Like, Lindsay, are you too hard on yourself, do you think?
Yeah.
I can be sometimes.
And this plays out, for example, yesterday, right?
It was the end of the day.
It was time to go to Orange Theory and work out.
And I thought to myself, oh my God, there's so much I didn't get done, right?
And I struggled with it in the evening too, just thinking, oh my gosh, I have so much to do.
And at some point you just have to let go and say there's always going to be more stuff to do Michelle, right?
Yes, I always think about that, too.
Like I came to that realization once, like when I would you know get, get like stressed about something.
And then you know, because do you ever feel like oh, this is a really stressful time and you like make a list of all the things you have to do and then you cross them off and then just it comes again.
Like it's just, there's just always going to be a new list, right?
So like if you recognize that, not you're not surprised by it, or stressed like there's always, you know, a knock on wood until the bitter end, like there will be things to do.
And so, you know, we're lucky that that's, that there are things to do.
It's true.
And and yeah, but it's.
It's always like I.
Sometimes I also feel that about, especially during the pandemic, when I would get to Monday and I cause I was alone with my son every single day.
You'll remember Lindsay for, um, for over a year.
Yeah.
That was rough.
Just like, and we weren't really doing anything.
And I mean, I love him so dearly, but it was a hard time.
Right.
Yeah.
That was tough.
Yeah.
And so I remember every time I got to Monday, I mean, talk about the Sunday scaries.
We've talked about that a lot.
Like that would be really hard for me because Dan would go back to work and then it was like five days ahead of me.
And I remember thinking like, oh, no, it's just going to come again.
So like, don't get upset every time because you're just going to just going to come again.
Yeah, it's a letting go, right?
It's letting go and relaxing into it.
I do think that this mentality is definitely tied to a cultural moment.
Right now, you know, more so than pre pandemic, for example, when you know, for example, our economy was on a bull run right.
Between like 2014 and 2020, 2020.
It was just people are working hard and just living life, going hard at everything.
And I think, since the pandemic kind of encouraged people to step back, go home, absorb what it's like to be around family,
I think we've come to a new moment here, where you will hear this more often, or variations of this phrase
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
That's true.
So, I mean, I've I've heard it like.
Oh, have you ever heard of this?
If you're, if you're being hard on yourself.
I've heard someone saying like think of if you'd be if you've made a mistake.
Think of if you'd be angry at a friend for making the mistake.
Or if your friend, if your friend was hard on themselves, like what would you say to that friend?
And you have to treat yourself like you would treat that friend.
Like, I think that's always harder on ourselves.
Right?
Sure.
Yeah.
I think that's a great way to think of it.
Yeah.
I've heard that before for sure.
For sure.
The self-talk, like monitor your own self-talk.
And would you say that to a friend in that same tone?
Yes.
Most of the time, never.
Right, right, right.
Guys, we have another All Ears English episode to direct you to.
It's episode 1802.
Is it really a good question?
So go on over and listen to that.
Yeah, guys.
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Okay.
Awesome.
All right.
So Lindsay, what are times then you might say this expression?
Okay.
Well, here's some examples.
When someone is blaming themselves for a mistake they made at work.
Okay.
You can say that.
Yeah.
Give yourself grace.
Or when someone hasn't kept up with a habit like we said, exercise or maybe stopping a bad habit that can be tough for them.
It can be really tough, but it doesn't help at all to be hard on yourself.
You know, that's not because we have to be kind of our own best friend, to kind of achieve anything or to kind of be good in the world.
Be in a good place in the world.
Or when someone is having a hard time emotionally maybe they're at a new school, new job or something happened to someone in their lives just using this phrase to say that to them can really help them relax.
So Lindsay, if somebody says this to you, I mean, what would you feel?
Do you feel emotionally supported?
Do you feel like it's a little patronizing or do you like it?
No, I don't feel like it's patronizing.
By the way, that's a bonus for our listeners.
What does that mean?
Patronizing?
It's basically like looking down at you or like making it seem... How do I explain patronizing?
I think of it like... Lindsay, you're going to have to take this one.
Yeah, it's looking down on someone.
It's condescending.
Yeah, condescending.
It's condescending.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I don't see it that way at all.
It depends on the context, but I wouldn't take it that way.
I would take it as a reminder.
So yeah, I need to loosen and let go a little bit.
Right.
Right.
I mean, I think it's nice and it does alert me to be kind to myself, but I, like I said, I think it's become a little bit overused or maybe a little cliche or impersonal.
But Lindsay, you said you haven't heard it that much.
So I guess you want to think about living in different online realms.
I don't know what's going on here.
I don't know.
But I do, like I said before, I know that this concept is in style, like just self-compassion is in style.
Right?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Giving yourself grace or giving yourself the benefit of the doubt is in style right now.
For sure.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Exactly.
So let's do some examples of how this might be used.
Okay.
Here we go.
I can't believe I messed this up again.
Lindsay, give yourself grace.
It's fine.
We all make mistakes.
You'll learn.
Oh, thanks, Michelle.
Yeah.
Nice.
Yeah, this is good.
Or here we go.
I feel like I'll never be able to do this 10K.
Michelle, give yourself some grace.
You can do this.
Keep working hard.
I really know you can.
Thank you.
All right.
Okay, Michelle.
You know, what comes to mind when I think about this is you know, lately I've been helping my aunt with her things, right?
All of her things, her affairs.
But she passed away.
But my brother and I have been working on these things and it's just...
Very intense, right?
It's very intense taking on something like this.
And there have been a lot of times in the last year or so when I've just thought, oh my God, I screwed this up or I might screw this up.
This is a lot of pressure.
And that's a great time when someone could say, you know, give yourself some grace.
You're stepping into this situation unaware of a lot of things and just do the best you can.
You know, because it's Yeah.
So that would be- A lot.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
And notice that I added in some grace.
That for me feels a little more natural, adding in, give yourself some grace.
I like that.
What do you think?
Yeah.
I like that as well.
I could definitely hear either one of those being used.
So guys, choose your favorite.
Okay.
How are other ways that we could say this?
What else could we say?
Well, you could say, be kind to yourself.
Or what else?
Or as my grandmother said, be good to yourself.
Yes, yes, that's right.
Give yourself a break.
It's a little more colloquial, casual.
Or take it slow.
Anything else, Lindsay?
Yeah, I was going to say along the lines of another word for the same thing is compassion, right?
Have some self-compassion, right?
Right, right, right.
That is a good one.
Yeah, compassion.
I like it.
So should we try these out in a role play?
I think we should.
Let's do it.
So here, Michelle, we are coworkers and I am feeling nervous about my presentation that's coming up.
Okay.
I'm so nervous.
I think I'm going to totally freeze up when it's time.
No, you won't, Lindsay.
Give yourself grace.
You've done this before and you've worked so hard.
Thank you.
But last time I forgot my notes and I didn't know what to say.
So you learned from that.
Give yourself a break.
You're prepared.
Thanks.
I guess I just have to be kind to myself.
I can do it.
Yes.
Just take it slow and breathe.
Yeah.
I love that.
I love that.
So let's go through it.
So you said, no, you won't, Lindsay.
Give yourself grace.
And this is where you could also insert.
For me, it feels more natural just to say, give yourself some grace.
It just feels like a balanced sentence for some reason.
Yeah.
Okay, good.
And then I said, give yourself a break.
You're prepared.
Yeah.
And then I said, thanks.
I guess I have to be kind to myself.
And then I said, just take it slow and breathe.
I love it.
I love it.
So what's the takeaway for our listeners about this phrase?
Right.
Well, I like what you said Lindsay, that this is kind of like very in fashion in a way, because of this moment we're living in the world.
So this idea of being kind to yourself like Like, I think in society we're more focused a little bit, you know, on mental health now.
Yeah, we are.
Come more to the forefront of the conversation.
You know, a lot of this stuff may have been brought about by the global health crisis.
So, But it is this idea of being kind to yourself and treating yourself like you would treat that friend and not just always being hard on yourself because you're you, you know.
Yeah, 100%.
I mean, it is... fine.
Actually, it's good to have goals, have things you're trying to achieve.
But what's that expression?
I don't know the quote and I don't know who said it, but the vibe is, you know, it feels like things go fast in, like a day or a month, but then you look back on a year and you end up achieving a lot.
Like things get done.
You.
If you have an extreme work ethic which I do, I think on our team, we all do then it's good to balance that out.
Like know your default.
If your default is a hard worker, achievement oriented, then you really want to make sure you give yourself this extra boost of compassion and give yourself some grace.
You just know what is, or maybe, if you're not working hard enough, you boost that up a little bit and keep the grace intact as well.
I think the takeaway here is Whatever you hear from a 98-year-old is good wisdom.
That's right.
That is true.
This one goes out to your grandma.
I love it.
All right, Michelle.
Good stuff.
Thanks for bringing this in.
Thanks for giving us a glimpse into current ways of thinking in our culture.
It's really good.
All right.
Thank you, Lindsay.
Bye, guys.
Take care, Michelle.
Bye.
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