This is an All Ears English podcast episode 1563.
How to understand not just what, but why in fast English conversations.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times.
Are you feeling stuck with your English?
We'll show you how to become Fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection.
With your American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl.
Coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.
And to get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try our iOS app.
Start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash bonuses.
When someone is sharing their opinion they will often tell a story.
Why do they do this and how can this help you understand opinions in fast group conversations?
Learn our strategy today.
Do you ever feel like your English is good but not quite where you want it to be?
Maybe you can have conversations but you still hesitate when expressing complex ideas.
Maybe you know what you want to say. but you can't always say it naturally.
If that sounds familiar, our B2 English fluency course was designed for you.
You'll learn how to speak more naturally, express yourself with confidence and finally stop feeling stuck at the intermediate level.
This week, you can save $50 on our basic plan or save $100 on our personal coach plan.
Go to allearsenglish.com slash B2.
That's allearsenglish.com slash letter B number two.
Hello, Lindsay.
How are you?
Hey, Michelle.
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling good.
What's going on in your world?
Everything is good over here.
Yeah.
I mean, not too much to report, really.
How about you?
Oh, not too much.
You know, I'm ready for spring.
I'm ready for, you know, being outside more in the sunshine.
But yeah, things are good.
Things are good.
No complaints.
Good, good, good.
Lindsay, when you are sharing your opinion, do you think it's an effective strategy to also share a story?
Oh, totally.
Yeah, I like to do that because it kind of backs up my opinion a little bit, you know, and it also adds color to the conversation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
It kind of makes things more personal, right?
So if you just kind of say your opinion, I mean, that's great.
And that can happen sometimes.
But, you know, I think... to really kind of make it more intense and more clear, right?
I think a really effective thing to do is to share a story to kind of show why you think the way you do, why you feel the way you do.
Totally agree.
Yeah.
I mean, today we're talking about this, you know, not just when it comes to two people, right?
It's more than two people.
Conversations with three, four, five people.
That's when it becomes even more important to share that story so people know who you are.
And where that opinion comes from, right, Michelle?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
This is definitely useful for, yeah, I mean, it's great for two people.
But when you are having like one of those really in-depth conversations with a group of people about a particular subject, if you kind of just say yeah, I think this.
Right.
Like, yeah, you're not going to stand out.
You're not going to further yourself in that conversation.
So this is especially useful for when you are talking with multiple people, guys.
Yes.
And guys, we know that that is a big challenge.
I mean, that's why we created our program for fast English listening.
But I do want to let our listeners know, Michelle, about a live web class that is coming up.
It's going to be so cool.
Yes.
What is happening?
All right.
So there is a web class and it is called three things natives do that you don't.
Right.
Don't you love that title?
I love it.
I love that title.
So it's how to stop sounding like a student.
Yeah.
I mean, that's, I mean, I think you guys are going to love it because this is, you know, we don't want to sound like students, right?
You want to sound like the real deal, right?
The native speaker.
So this is what this is going to help you do.
Right, Lindsay?
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
So Jessica and I are going to be hosting this live web class for you guys on May 8th and May 10th.
Okay.
So go and sign up right now.
Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash native.
That's N-A-T-I-V-E and get your name on the list.
The list will fill up.
If you don't get on there, show up on time and come and learn with us.
So exciting.
Awesome.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm excited to learn more about that.
Oh, my gosh.
That's so much fun.
So, yeah.
So, let's get into it.
So again, you know if you share your opinion along with a story.
I mean, this gives you evidence, right?
It gives evidence.
And it also – I feel like it really helps you relate to others, right?
Because maybe someone has a similar story or –
Maybe someone has a completely different story to share.
This is not only about having everyone having the same opinion, right, Lindsay?
Yeah, because then when you give your example, people can not just listen to what your opinion is, but listen to your example and see if they have the same experience.
Right.
And they can learn something about you.
They can kind of see things through your eyes, right?
Maybe they disagree, but then they can say, oh, okay, I get why.
I don't agree, but I understand why this person feels that way.
Completely.
I love it.
So in a sense, it makes you relevant to other people, right?
To stay relevant in a conversation, we have to back up our opinion within evidence with a story exactly, exactly.
And guys, this is I mean you know we might be used to saying things like, oh yeah, I agree or I disagree, or I think so too or no, I don't think so right, and that's it.
But like this is so much more interesting to add that story, to add that little piece of yourself, or maybe it's a story about somebody else right yeah, But it's just adding, adding that special, something that makes this more unique than just if you're reading someone else's story in a paper or if you just hear someone just quickly say yeah, I think so, right.
Yeah.
And the other piece that I like about encouraging our listeners guys to do this is that little rush of adrenaline that you get when you even when you're talking with people that you're close with.
Sometimes maybe, you know, maybe people make their acquaintances.
There's a little rush of adrenaline that you get before you share something.
You're like, share this.
Should I say it?
And then you go and you do it.
And it's almost like you feel like you're taking up more space in the world after you've done that in a good way, in a confident way.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, I definitely get that rush of adrenaline.
Yeah.
Right before I share something like I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yes.
Yes, most people do.
I mean, you know, so this can build confidence, it can be a confidence builder.
So we're going to talk today, Michelle, about how to kind of do this.
Is this what we're getting into?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean and guys, this is not only I mean.
You know, here we're going to be listening to an example.
But this is about listening, right?
And, you know, gathering things from what people are saying.
But it's also really a lot about speaking today.
I mean, I think, you know, sometimes our students might hold back in conversations, right?
Maybe answer just yes or no to something, right?
I mean, Lindsay, what do you think?
You agree with that?
To hold back, especially for our listeners, michelle?
They are at that upper intermediate, low advanced level.
They want to become fully fluent and native, like in the way they speak.
But by holding back you will not get there guys, Right.
No, no, no, exactly.
So we need to start really listening for why people feel the way they do, so that we can also understand how to express ourselves right.
And give ourselves ideas of how to do that.
We are going to listen to a sample today to kind of go over this.
This is a clip from a fast group conversation.
This is from our Conversations and Coffee program.
And you know guys, this is with multiple speakers and this deals with connecting personal stories to opinions.
This is something that Lindsay says.
So we're going to listen to Lindsay's opinion today on something.
Right, Lindsay?
Yeah.
This is going to be good.
And guys in this program.
You are going to hear more about this program if you come to the live web class.
So join the live web class, come on board with us there, and you'll learn about this program.
But we talk about really interesting topics.
Like you know, in this program you'd get the full episode, you get the full content, but this is just a piece.
And the question of this conversation was should you ask someone's parents to get before you get engaged right?
Was that the question that we were talking about?
Talking about yeah, if you should yes, If you want to get engaged right, should you, you know, really incorporate the parents into you know?
Having them, you know, give their blessing, as they say, or not, right?
Right, exactly.
And I think we all kind of had different opinions on it.
But now we're going to play just a tiny piece of the full clip so you guys can see what it you know we can implement this strategy today.
Mm-hmm.
So guys, when you're listening, right?
So I mean, when you're in a conversation where opinions are being expressed, you want to listen closely, for not only what the opinion is, but why people feel the way they do.
This is taking it to a next level of listening.
So when you're listening to this clip, listen for this, okay?
Two simple things.
This person feels X, right?
So how does this person feel?
It's Lindsay.
So Lindsay feels what?
Okay.
And then the second question is?
Why?
Right?
So don't get yourself like nervous about other things.
You're just listening to those two things.
We're about to play the clip here about Lindsay's opinion.
I think it's important, right?
Because I do have a friend whose sister, her husband did not ask her sister's dad and that created a sense of animosity right from the beginning.
They did get married and they're not a traditional family at all.
But it was a sign of disrespect to the father.
And that set them on not a great path.
I mean they're okay, but there's definitely a constant like hmm, lack of respect or something between them.
So I would definitely err on the side of just do it, because it's what's going to set you up with your in-laws in a good way.
And that's the important thing in my mind.
Okay, Michelle.
So I love how what we're doing here is we're simplifying the listening, right?
Right, right, right, right.
Exactly.
And it's really good.
You know, when you listen, when you're practicing with these kinds of things, you know it can be tempting to want to do everything at once.
Just to listen to everything at once.
Yes.
Right.
And you kind of can get overwhelming.
So we are giving you these strategies.
You know where you can break it down and say okay, this is when I'm listening for this.
This is when I'm listening for that.
And, you know, the goal is then you start to kind of overlap things together.
So this is what we're listening for today that we're working on.
Okay, so where do we start?
So our listeners just heard me say my opinion on this, on whether you should consult the parents before you ask for someone's hand in marriage, and then I expounded on that right.
I expanded my opinion.
So where do we start if we're trying to understand this conversation?
Okay, well, so let's kind of understand, you know, the order that you did things in.
And it doesn't have to be in this order, but you did, I mean, your quick opinion, right?
So you said, you know, I think it's nice.
I think it's important, right?
And then you gave the explanation.
So you went fully into it, giving a detailed story.
Okay, right.
And then you kind of ended it up, i mean, like you tied it up like a nice little present right, and explain right explain, okay.
So this is why i feel the way they do.
That i do, and i mean this is a very common way to express your opinion guys, so this is good for speaking as well.
So again, you know, first you said i think it's nice.
Uh you, so you know, of course, like using words, like i think I think it's important, right.
Yeah, right, right, right, right, right.
Exactly.
And then what did you do?
You shared the story, right, Lindsay?
Yeah, I gave the exact example, right?
So first of all, I said, I think it's nice.
I think it's important, right?
And we can do another episode on that right piece.
Mm-hmm.
And then in my story, I said, because I do have a friend whose sister blah, blah, blah.
I told the exact story and what happened.
Right.
Exactly.
You went more into the story.
And we can talk about this another time.
Friends, sisters, husband.
Oh, my gosh.
Great episode topic, actually.
Yeah, yeah.
So that can get a little bit confusing.
But yeah, friend, sister, husband.
So guys, listen to that.
And also I mean does it matter to the listener, your friend sister husband, does it matter that they completely hang on to who that person is?
Not really.
It's just someone that I know, something that happened.
It doesn't matter to you guys.
And that's a good point, Michelle.
When we are just improving our listening skills with fast group conversations, we do have to throw out what doesn't matter.
Throw out what isn't relevant to your understanding.
And that's one of the things.
Right.
It was relevant to you to express it because you're telling the story.
So it's easy.
You know, like if you just said to me like oh, my friend's sister or husband, like in my, in my head, I'm like, I'm just kind of like OK, I don't like.
I mean, this is not meant to be offensive, but I'm just kind of like OK, person X is, you know, like it doesn't matter, like it could be like the, like the mailman, or it could be like there's a person driving past my apartment, you know, it doesn't matter.
That makes total sense.
I love it.
That's a great, you know, that's a great concept for today too.
Just throw out what doesn't matter.
Throw it away.
You know, throw it away.
Don't get stressed out, don't you hate it?
When you're trying to buy something online and when you finally make all of your selections and get ready to check out, your credit card is nowhere to be found.
When this happens, i love seeing the purple pay button at the top of the checkout, because i know i won't have to dig for my card.
This simple purple button is one of the best features in all of the online shopping world and can make a huge difference in sales for your online business.
Shopify is the e-commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 of all e-commerce in the US.
From household names like Skims and Thrive Cosmetics to brands just getting started.
Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you.
Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling.
Best yet.
Shopify is your e-commerce expert, with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping, to processing returns and beyond.
See fewer carts go abandoned and more sales go... with Shopify and their Shop Pay button.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash A-E-E.
Go to Shopify.com slash A-E-E.
That's S-H-O-P-I-F-Y dot com slash A-E-E.
And then you know, then you, you know, you stated what happened in the story and you gave your overall conclusion right.
Which was trouble with the in-laws, which is not good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you rounded it out, right?
So what did you do in the end, the third thing?
Yeah, I gave my full opinion.
This is the wrapping it up in a nice little bow that native speakers do and should do, especially if they're kind of debating and arguing their perspective, right.
So I said, so I would definitely ask for permission because blah, blah, blah.
Right.
And that's the important thing on my mind.
Oh, that's interesting.
Why did I add that piece?
That's the important thing in my mind, because you kind of brought it back to yourself.
You know, you I mean, I think.
Yeah, it's personal.
Then you kind of bring it to the story and then you bring it back to yourself and you say in my mind
I mean, I like that expression when you say, oh, in my mind, right?
A lot of times people will say things like that.
Yes.
And you hear people, I think, in the UK or Australia saying, to my mind, it's interesting.
We can talk another day about that.
But lots of episode ideas today, Michelle.
Yes, definitely.
Definitely.
So guys, yeah, that was kind of the order.
Now you could switch it around if you want to.
But this really, like I mean, to me this makes a really clear sense like where we're going with this.
So when you're listening, or you're speaking, that's something that you might want to try out.
So Lindsay used words like so, because, I think, in my mind.
So you want to keep those kinds of words in your head when you're expressing your opinion as well.
Yeah, I love that.
That is so important.
So understand, listen in for more information on why they think what they think, right?
That's the key.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, that is totally the key.
I mean, and let's get back to the strategy, where we asked you at the beginning, we asked you to think of two things, right.
And this was to, you know, what you need to understand overall, right?
The main point.
So this person, Lindsay, feels X, right?
So Lindsay feels it's good to ask permission.
And then the second thing was why.
So, Lindsay, what was the why?
Because my friend had a negative experience that had long term repercussions, not just in that moment, but really for a lifetime, I guess, if you think about it.
So a big mistake.
And that's so that clearly impacts my opinion on that.
Definitely, definitely.
So that really shaped you.
So that was I mean, if you would just said Oh yeah no, I think this, I think that I mean, I don't know maybe, maybe some of us did in that conversation.
I don't know.
It doesn't mean that you have to have a personal story every time, right?
Like, right.
Sometimes you might not have a personal story.
But you know, it's more than necessarily a story.
It's just adding more to it rather than just saying, yeah, I think this, I think that, right?
Always think about what can you add and why.
Of course.
And of course, you don't want to be the person, that person that goes on and on and on with their stories.
There is that person in every friend group, right?
Yeah, I thought, I thought yours was like a perfect length, like you went into it.
It was short and sweet.
And you know, but it explained a lot of why you feel the way you feel.
So I mean, guys, this is also good for speaking practice.
So so for speaking practice, consider telling a story where you share your opinion and use a background story to shape that opinion right.
And you can try that format.
That Lindsay used.
Yeah.
And I think we'll go another day, you know, another week, next week or something.
We'll go into another episode and break down that formula for you a bit more.
Maybe, Michelle, you know what I mean?
Just to go into more depth, get more examples, because it's it is, you know, two different things that we're working on here.
But this is great.
I mean, this is all about native conversation, hanging in on that conversation.
Right, right, right.
Exactly, exactly.
And, like we said guys, this is especially useful for listening practice and speaking practice when we're talking about multiple people in a conversation, right?
Because you can have two and it's kind of a little bit of a different dynamic, whereas if you have multiple people in the conversation, you really do want to fully go into what you think, to stand out, so that you're not just kind of sitting on the sidelines of that conversation.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And go with that adrenaline rush that we talked about in the beginning.
Usually that adrenaline rush is nature's way of telling us that yes, we're doing something we're a little scared of, but it's good.
It's a good thing.
That's how we grow as people, right?
And as speakers of a new language.
So guys, we want to encourage you to come to this live web class, because these are the things that we're going to be talking about.
You know, the three things that natives do that you don't.
If you're wondering what they are, you got to come to the web class.
It's not recorded.
So don't miss it.
It's May 8th and 10th.
And Michelle, where's the link that they can go to register?
Go to allearsenglish.com slash native.
Awesome.
And what should we leave our listeners with today?
I mean, what should we remember when it comes to group conversations?
Yeah, well, guys, it's not usually enough just to say you disagree or you agree with something.
You have to kind of think of filling the space, right?
Like when you're giving your opinion.
You want to fill a space where it's not just like what you think, but why right?
So...
It's important to practice listening for why people feel the way they do, but it's also important to understand how to structure your response, which is something we went over today and share more information.
You know, give us a try in your next conversation.
And to get more practice with this.
With this listening, get over to our Conversations and Coffee program.
Yeah, exactly.
And you guys can, you know, we are going to talk about that on the web class.
So just sign up for the web class, right?
Michelle, sign up for the web class and we will talk about that there for sure.
Awesome.
So yeah, I mean guys, become someone that has an opinion and has a story to back it up that shows that you have an interesting life and that people can connect with you.
That is the key right there.
Awesome, Michelle.
All right.
Oh my gosh.
This was fun, Lindsay.
I hope you have a good day.
Good stuff.
I'll talk to you soon.
Take care.
All right.
Bye.
Thanks for listening to all ears English.
Would you like to know your English level?
Take our two minute quiz.
Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score.
And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything.
See you next time.
