This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 1356 a simple but powerful connection skill in English.
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We believe in connection, not perfection.
With your American host, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Los Angeles and New York City, USA.
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Today we share a simple thing you can do to take your relationships in English, whether they're business or personal connections to a deeper level and you get the five phrases.
You need to do it.
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Hey, Lindsay, how are you?
Doing well, Michelle.
What's going on in your world in New York?
Well, I finally tried hot yoga over the weekend and it was actually really great.
Oh, that's awesome, Michelle.
I knew you were scared of doing it.
I'm happy to hear you went for it and that you liked it.
Thanks, Lindsay.
Okay, so something really, really connected just happened, right?
Something magical.
Something magical, some kind of magical connection that just deepened our relationship in one short phrase just happened.
You know, I want to give you a big hug right now just because of that.
Well, that's good.
I mean, so this is a way to make friends then clearly, right?
Definitely, definitely.
So what just happened?
First of all, guys, I did not do hot yoga over the weekend.
Yeah, I don't even know if hot yoga is popular anymore.
A few years ago, I was really into Bikram.
But I don't know if people are doing it these days.
Really?
Yeah, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
So that's okay.
Okay, well, so yeah, what just happened with that conversation, though?
Why did I say I wanted to give you a hug?
Well, it was about a key thing that I said when you tried hot yoga.
So I said...
That's awesome, Michelle.
You said you had tried hot yoga.
It was really great.
And I said, that's awesome, Michelle.
I know you were scared of doing it.
So that, to me, is the key piece, right there that I made a reference to something you had told me before.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
So I shared something with you and you commented on it in a key way that improved our connection.
Right.
Because you commented that you knew something about me or you remembered something right from a past conversation or more multiple conversations.
Exactly.
And I don't think we should underestimate the power of this, because I've actually been like we're all kind of observer, observers of language.
Right.
We listen to language, probably on the subway, or they're like taking mental notes of what you hear, Michelle.
Right.
And I am, too.
And I know a few people that are really good at they just have really good social skills, and I hear them do this a lot.
You know yeah it's, it's so good.
I mean, I think it's just so huge for building this stronger connection, because it shows like our relationship isn't just starting brand new every day, it's continuous.
And I listen to you right, Exactly.
And it sounds funny when you say it that way.
But in a sense, it's true.
I mean, imagine how good like, just think about how good it feels guys, even in your native language, when someone just uses your name.
They just say your name.
It makes them sound confident.
It makes you feel comfortable with them.
There are just so many things, so many benefits to using someone's name, but this is taking it to another level.
This is that much better, okay?
Right, right, right.
Definitely.
And Lindsay, you actually came up with this important topic.
And I think that this is such a good one.
I mean.
So it sounds like you got interested in this because you've heard a couple people do it and you wanted to highlight it.
Yeah.
Like I said, people that have really good social skills and strong social worlds and are good at maintaining their connections.
I just noticed a few months ago that they were doing this and I was like, oh, light bulb.
That's awesome.
I love that.
I love that.
So, I mean, I think why does it help build this stronger connection, Lindsay?
I mean, there are a couple reasons, right?
So number one is that it shows that you have been paying attention when they've been speaking, which is the number one.
Most important thing you could do is listen, because a lot of us don't feel very heard nowadays, right?
Yeah.
And then number two, it shows that you cared enough about what you heard to remember it.
Right.
And that's a big deal, because we're all so distracted that we may not we may not bother to remember something we heard.
And then what's the next one, Michelle?
Well, yeah, the second one was shows you remember.
And then the third one is shows you care.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
So those are kind of the three pieces right there.
Yeah, it's so good.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
So, I mean, when does this kind of situation happen?
When would a conversation like this arise, an opportunity to do this, Lindsay?
I mean, I think it's endless.
I think it's pretty much anything that people share with you when they check back in with you and they tell you about something they did or tried or saw.
For example, maybe someone told you once that they wanted to try this new restaurant or see a movie.
And then they come back to you and they tell you they actually did that thing.
Then that's a good time.
What else, Michelle?
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Or someone tells you they're going to try something new, something that you've talked about before, like like with the hot yoga example.
I mean, we've I mean, we've talked about you doing different yoga.
And so it would have been really awkward for me if I came to you and I said, Lindsay, guess what?
I did hot yoga.
And you just said like, oh, that's nice.
Did you like it?
OK, cool.
You know.
It actually would have felt like, wait, we've talked about this a lot.
You got nothing else for me?
Yeah, right, right, right.
It really would feel like you're starting over with someone in a sense.
Like you're not making any headway.
You're not going to any deeper levels in a connection with someone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or it almost made me feel like you weren't listening even in that moment.
Like, Oh, you're just like, Oh, that's cool.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
You know?
Right, right, right, right.
Exactly.
Oh man.
And so we want you guys to be able to do this, because you probably already know how to do this and you do it in your native language, but to be able to do it in English is the key.
And we're going to get to that in just a minute.
Um Actually, Michelle.
Before we go any further though, I do want to let our listeners know where to get the transcripts if they don't have an iOS device.
So guys, the place to get that is allearsenglish.com slash subscribe.
You can sign up.
You're going to save 50% off the normal price.
We'll email them to you every Monday.
So go and sign up over there.
Awesome.
Yes, this is going to be real.
The transcripts are going to be really helpful for this episode for sure, because we're doing a lot of you know phrases, things like that, and really talking about these connection skills.
So I mean another time.
Somebody would use this as if somebody tells you a new development in their life, a new job, a new city, a new relationship.
So basically guys, it's I feel like a main way when this is used is when someone's telling you about something new in general,
Although, I mean, it really could be anything.
Yeah, it's about.
Yeah, I think it also gives people the feeling that that you were along on the ride with them.
Like you, were involved in the journey in a sense, like you knew that that was important to them, that they wanted a new job, that their work environment was toxic, right.
For example, and that you were rooting for them.
You were kind of thinking about them along the way.
OK.
Right.
Right.
So, I mean, guys, this can be for something new in the past.
Oh, I did.
I went to hot yoga over the weekend or something that you're about to do.
Lindsay, I am this weekend.
I'm going to try hot yoga.
Right.
Yeah.
Wait, are you serious?
No.
No, no, no.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Okay.
Just making sure.
Okay.
No way.
Not me.
I'm lazy, Lindsay.
I can barely move.
Oh, no.
Well, good thing that we're podcasting here.
We don't have to move a ton when we podcast.
I like to walk.
That's about it.
I'm terrible.
So anyway guys, the key here is to just comment on something someone shares with you in a way that shows that you're already connected to them.
This connection is not new.
Yeah, exactly.
So let's show our listeners exactly how to do this in English.
So they can kind of come away today with a brand new skill that I want you guys to put this into action right away, because this is going to immediately improve the quality of your relationships.
Okay, for sure.
So Lindsay, let's go over this.
So you came up with this one.
I like this one a lot.
Yeah.
So this is simple.
I mean, just saying I know you something.
Right.
So, and this is so good, because it again shows that you know the person, that you understand what they like.
Let's do an example.
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All right.
Hey, Lindsay, I got a new apartment on the Upper West Side.
Oh, I'm so glad.
I know you love that neighborhood.
Yeah.
Awesome.
So immediately you just feel connected.
Right.
I mean, right.
For sure.
For sure.
You you've been listening to me before.
You know why I'm excited about it.
You're not just it's not like I just said any neighborhood.
You know that I like that neighborhood.
Yeah, that's huge.
What's the next one?
The next one is I had a feeling because... So we'll do an example.
Okay, I'll be A this time.
I tried that new restaurant you told me about.
It was amazing.
Amazing, Lindsay.
I had a feeling you would love it because you really love authentic food.
Yeah, perfect.
So another great example.
I mean, we're just giving you guys a few structures and you can choose one or two that you like today.
Okay.
Another one is you've always blank, so I blank.
Okay.
This is why we need the transcripts.
Exactly.
Yeah, this is why we need the transcripts.
Exactly.
Whenever we throw blanks around, you know...
Exactly.
All right.
You want to go ahead, Michelle, and then I'll be.
Let's do it.
All right.
So, Lindsay, I'm going to try that new dating app.
Oh, nice.
You always talk about how you want to mix things up in your dating life.
So I'm sure you'll like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you always, so I, right?
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
I hope my husband doesn't hear that.
Your husband might be feeling a little threatened right now.
Hey honey, i'm trying a new dating app.
Yeah, he's gonna have to go in there and respond, you know, try to message you or something.
Anyways, all right.
Anyway, all right, here's the next one.
All right, i figured, or i knew, you would okay.
So hey, i got the job.
Oh Lindsay, congrats.
I knew you would get it since you've been working so hard on networking.
Yes.
Or I like this next one.
I figured.
Right.
So, oh, I got a new dog.
Lindsay, that's so exciting.
I figured you would get one since you've been talking about it for a while.
That's an example of a conversation that I hope will take place in the future.
I hope so, too.
I think it's been so like tricky with our listeners.
They've seen a lot of dogs on my Instagram, on my Instagram updates.
And, you know, but I actually don't have my own dog yet.
I'm babysitting for some dogs these days.
You know, taking them for walks and taking care of dogs, but no dog of my own yet.
So maybe that conversation will happen soon.
But like in that moment, if you do tell me one day I got a new dog, if I just said like, oh, cool.
Right.
Enjoy.
Like it just would have been weird because I know that, you know, it's like, what?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you could say that and that would be just fine.
But I think, you know, also, guys, this is great for the workplace.
You know, you really do.
I mean part of your work.
You guys know this.
If you're from certain cultures, where?
Well, any other culture where work relationships really matter, the relationship you build outside of work, right?
Like you go to drinks with your coworkers, you need that deeper level of connection to do business with them.
So guys, this is also a business skill, actually.
For sure.
For sure.
Awesome.
Oh my gosh.
This is such a good one.
I'm really glad that you brought this one up, Lindsay, because I think it's really important.
So, yeah, Lindsay, what else do we want to say to our listeners?
What should they come away from this episode with?
I mean, this is purely a connection episode.
I feel like this is one of our most important connection episodes that we've ever done.
So I want you guys to listen a few times like listen again, rewind the episode, take notes, get the transcripts.
If you don't have them, allearsenglishcom slash, subscribe and really take the initiative to choose one of these phrases.
Go out there because it can take you to that deeper level.
Business contacts, friends, neighbors, anyone you can get there with these phrases.
Yeah, definitely.
Oh my gosh.
I think these are just...
People want to know that you're listening to them.
They want to know that you have a connection that continues in time, that just doesn't start new every single day.
And this will make a really big difference.
I like how you said in the workplace.
I think that is a big deal as well.
So I think that this is just so helpful.
Yeah, I love it.
Guys, let us know what you think.
Come back to the blog.
This episode is 1356.
Leave a comment on this episode and let us know your thoughts on what you've learned today.
Okay.
All right.
Very cool, Michelle.
Well, have a good one and I'll talk to you again soon.
Thanks.
You too.
Bye, Lindsay.
Bye.
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