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Go beyond the surface and you'll find that Hawaii is not just about the place it's the people meet the voices that carry its traditions.
The storytellers who keep history alive through chants songs and knowledge passed down through generations.
Their words connect the past with the present shaping the future with wisdom rooted in Aloha.
Feel a connection to Hawaii that will take you beyond the beaches and landscapes, in the kindness of a shared meal, talking story with the locals, and through the genuine welcome of those who call these islands home.
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Embrace the land, honor its traditions, and leave with more than memories.
Leave with a deeper connection to the spirit of this place and its people discover the stories that make Hawaii like nowhere else Start your journey at the Hawaiian dash islands calm You know there's a there's a saying that I used to teach in my MBSR class as As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than there is wrong.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hi, people, welcome to Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit down with the Headspace meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
I'm Robyn Hopkins and today I am so, so excited to be sitting here, virtually speaking, of course, with Keisanga.
Hello, friend. How you doing, Robyn?
I am so thrilled to be here once again sitting across from you virtually, you know, speaking course.
Of course. I'm doing really well.
I hope you're doing the same.
You know, things have been going well since we spoke last. And this is 2023, February, and it is actually Black History Month.
Yes, it is. Well, for myself, you know, Black History Month is pretty much every day.
But here in the U .S., we designate this one month to acknowledge Black history, but it comes on the heels of Kwanzaa, which I celebrate in December.
And with Kwanzaa we have these seven principles, and it's all about really uplifting and strengthening, if you will, our Black community.
And so it kind of goes hand in hand.
and what I get from Black History Month is really just intentionally acknowledging those that have come before me, like literally our history.
And really just soaking up the resilience, and that's what it's really all about for me.
For me, it's really all about highlighting that resilience that my people have endured and exhibited and that still courses through our veins.
It kind of ties hand in hand with mindfulness for me.
You know, mindfulness is not something you have to go out and find.
It's not something that you have to seek out.
It resides within you, just as the resilience of my people reside within me.
So yeah, so it's just about really allowing yourself to settle in and do some introspection, if you will, and know that it's there.
Ooh, that's beautiful.
So with that being said, happy black history month to everyone out there.
I love it. I love it.
Now it is time for us to switch gears a little bit and we're going to jump into some listener questions shall we?
Let's do it. Today we are going to be talking about how to handle burnout and persistent anger dealing with being broke early in your career and how to handle relationships with folks who are prejudice.
So let's kick things off with our first question.
Hi, Dear Headspace.
I'm Rhea, I live in England.
I had a question for you about relationships and prejudice.
I've been in a couple of situations where I didn't like the behavior of the person across and I've cut ties, I avoid them at any cost. Please, can you advise how we can deal with situations like this?
So, there was a little more to Rhea's recording that there was a tech issue.
So, but what Rhea said at the end of her question was, and also how can we deal with this with mindfulness?
What are your initial thoughts on this, Kezanga?
Well, what I'm hearing is that she's dealing with relationships.
with these relationships that she's had, these people are prejudiced and they exhibit their prejudice.
And it sounds like they exhibit it in harmful ways.
And so her response was to just kind of cut ties.
And I mean, if that's what Rhea needs to do, then kudos to Rhea for recognizing that.
And taking that courageous stance.
So that's definitely one approach to take.
What I'm curious about is if Rhea has ever confronted her friends about the prejudice.
You know, what would it be like, Rhea, to confront your friends about this prejudice behavior?
Because often if you're just cutting them, you know, just cutting ties with them and avoiding them, then that's almost like giving permission for them to continue with that behavior, versus being in the presence of them when they're exhibiting this prejudiced behavior, and right there on the spot, saying something about it, checking them on it.
Because if they're exhibiting this behavior, oftentimes we give leniency to our friends.
And we allow that bad behavior to continue because they're our loved ones or they're our friends.
And maybe you don't know what to do when it's someone who's close to you.
Because you're like, am I throwing the friendship away or am I not going to speak to a loved one?
It's a really hard position.
It is a very difficult position.
But it is also a excellent opportunity.
Because that silence is, dare I say, just as harmful.
That's a really interesting point.
Yeah, that silence, can you imagine being with your friend that's saying homophobic things or saying racist things and you feel it, you feel that pinging or that disgust but you don't say anything.
So now that friend is taking your silence as, okay, it's okay that I'm racist, okay Because okay that I'm you know, or maybe they even, there could be true ignorance there about some of the things they're saying that they it's a nuanced word or phrase or something that they it's not been brought to their attention, that you should not in this day and age be saying that thing, which it's hard to believe.
But I still no, it's not it's not hard to believe.
I have family members that are still that still say some things that are that are hella cringe.
Yeah, I do too. And yeah, and it's like, right there on the spot, I don't let it slide.
I'm like okay, are you really still saying that today?
That right there is an opportunity for, like you said, for education.
Or it's just an opportunity to check that person and be like, you know what?
I'm not gonna let you get away with that behavior.
I'm not gonna let you get away with that dangerous and disgusting behavior.
Do you feel like there's a sliding scale for this?
Like if it's your 95 -year -old grandmother who's, you know, was raised in a different era and is never going to change, do you feel like that's, we can let that go?
And not say anything is like, are you straight up coming from the camp of education is always the route to take?
Education is always the route to take.
I don't, again, that's just me personally, I don't care if you're 10 or 95.
Yeah. Because there's just too much ugly history to let that kind of behavior slide.
Yeah, I feel like I struggle when it's people who I've said something to them, like, hey man, please don't do that.
And then they kind of continue and you have to for whatever reason continue to be in their life or around them.
And that's when I struggle.
It's like, I may walk away or I may choose that path, but it's like I do think there are some people who aren't interested in being educated.
Yeah, they're just being totally moronic and just stuck in their ignorant ways if you will.
And it sounds like that's where Rhea might be.
And that's why she decided to just avoid and cut ties.
And so I think the question is, okay, so she also asked, how does mindfulness play into play here?
So just going to say that, yes.
How does mindfulness come into play?
So no matter what approach you take, whether you take Rhea's approach here of cutting ties and avoiding the person or even confronting that person you know time and time again if it takes that it's going to take courage, all right.
It's going to take courage.
So mindfulness is all about awareness, all right, present moment awareness without judgment and that's that's why I really really feel that mindfulness instills this courage, instills this resiliency.
So when you're sitting in meditation, and you're sitting with these feelings, that's an opportunity for you to learn how to process, so what you're doing with the practice allows you to do is to change your relationship with difficult feelings, with strong emotions.
So this feeling of fear, essentially that's what it is.
It's fear. It's a fear of what may it's the fear of not being liked as a feel whatever it is so with your practice your practice will teach you and instill in you that fortitude so you know it's not about getting rid of that fear right because if you know there's nothing wrong with feeling that fear but it's changing your relationship with that fear so now that when that fear comes you're able to recognize it acknowledge it create some space with it and gently let it go and then move forward in a wise and a wise way, a wise and skillful way, if you will.
Yeah, cuz like, if I'm not grounded, so like, I'm not in a mindful headspace.
And I go into one of those situations where I know I'm going to cross somebody who's going to say some stuff they shouldn't be saying, I'm going to be really anxious the entire time versus making no assumptions that it's going to happen.
And then when it does happen, making the right choice for me, about how I want to handle it.
Absolutely, and it will also prepare you for those moments where it catches you off guard, right?
I mean that's how I started off on my mindful journey when I Went into this diner and I was I was called the n -word. No Yeah, I was called the n -word and I completely you know, this is this is before my mindfulness days Yeah, and I completely trashed the diner because I was called the n -word. Did you really?
Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it's not one of my proudest moments.
Well, I don't mean it.
I didn't know I say that like that One, because you are the calmest, like you're presence is so, just you I mean, I think all of our listeners, you know, get a sense of you.
So it's it's hard to see you know that that person, although, but anyone's capable of that if they're pushed.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
So, you know, obviously, that was not a skillful and wise reaction.
Right. But I can say, years later, you know, now if I'm facing that kind of situation, it wouldn't even phase me.
I'd be like, OK, yeah, you know, this is an ignoramus and all right, let me just fall back.
And you know, I'll be able to respond in a much more skillful way.
That's that's a really a big shout out for mindfulness work right there, because you can have that one path for your whole life.
or you can hopefully shift over to this path where it doesn't because I mean, I have to imagine after the diner incident, your next day, your next two days, your next week was, like, ruined.
Well, it wasn't ruined.
It was definitely I was activated.
And actually, that's when a couple of weeks later, that's when my wife came and just handed me the book that kind of, you know, change changed my trajectory.
Oh, that's interesting.
What what what book was that?
full catastrophe living by john kamp is in so that book was like the catalyst for this whole Change in direction for you, right?
Exactly. My wife saw where we are Was that you know my wife saw while no case under is carrying Yeah, there's this chip on his show.
Yeah, and that was the That was a catalyst. I believe what's beautiful about it to me is out of a bad story situation a horrible thing that someone did an Entire new life or new direction for your life came because you were willing to say I don't want that for myself I want to do this all right out of that muddy situation Blossomed the Lotus look at this look at this, look at this flower across for me a dainty little flower That is just absolutely beautiful And I have to tell you just not at all where I thought we were going with this question is one of my favorite things about to your headspace
is like that, these moments come up and it's like, Whoa, wait, what?
Yeah, this is, you know, it's life, right?
Well, and I like what you're saying to Rhea, is not like, you must do this, you must do that.
You're saying set your boundaries, go after like, handle this the way that you feel, but do the mindfulness work because that's going to help you in these situations.
And that's fantastic advice.
Absolutely. And the gentle invitation to, if you haven't already, see what it feels like to confront your prejudice friends.
Very powerful. All right.
Well, thank you so much, Riya, for your question.
Absolutely. And we're going to head on to question number two.
I'm not very professional.
I am currently unemployed because of a severe burnout.
First of all, I want to reassure you, I am getting some medical help and I'm also doing short meditation sessions on a daily basis.
However, I feel like I'm under a constant storm of emotions, mostly anger or sadness related to my situation.
Any tips on how to handle this?
Thank you. I mean, I feel a little bit like that question could have been me asking you this, Keisanga.
I mean, I'm a little prone to the anger outburst, so I'm really looking forward to hearing what you have to say here on this.
So, first of all, just wanna say kudos to her for for seeking out the the medical help that she needs.
I also heard her say that she has a daily meditation practice.
So double kudos to her, you know, and now she's...
I heard her say she's dealing with very strong emotions in regards to her situation anger, right, anger and sadness.
So first I would just say with her consistent practice, remembering as I stated before, there's not a right or wrong practice and it's not an immediate shift. It's going to take some time, you didn't learn how to ride a bicycle in one day.
So it's, you know, it's gonna take some time, stick with it.
And you're trained in this field, specifically in psychology, and I have a question for you around with what you're saying about this shift. Don't you think, at least I find this true for myself, sometimes like when I go into a problem, things get messier and I get a little more angry before I get to a resolution because all the feelings that I've maybe either been avoiding or walking around or not not even aware that they were in there start surfacing.
Do you think that that could be something that's going on for our listener?
Quite possible because that's that's a very common occurrence, Robin.
You're absolutely right.
That's a very common occurrence.
It gets really ugly before it gets better.
And what she's feeling as far as this anger and sadness in response to what she's experienced is completely normal.
So I would tell her, you know, be gentle with yourself.
You know, this is not some outlandish behavioral pattern that you're exhibiting.
This is, this is normal.
You're hella angry, you're sad that you experienced burnout and that you're unemployed.
And you're upset. So allow yourself to be upset.
But the question now comes to, what steps can you take to process or to navigate this path or this experience.
So when I get into a space of feeling upset or angry or sad, any strong emotion really, I kind of like to do what I call like a mindful reflection meditation.
So this could be a meditation that she incorporates into her practice where she allows herself to mindfully reflect on what were the occurrences that led up to her getting burned out.
So this is what I mean by mindful reflection.
Remembering that meditation is not just about, you know, when you're feeling angry or upset to go and sit and meditate.
It's also about prevention.
A consistent practice can help prevent things like burnout.
So she's already experienced burnout, so now let me do a mindful reflection meditation where I'm able to process and really look to see what events led up to my burnout.
That's interesting.
If she doesn't allow herself to reflect and to learn from her past actions, then what's gonna happen?
She's got to end up right back where she was.
She's going to repeat it.
She's going to repeat herself, right?
Do you almost feel like there needs to be some triaging of the anger first before you can get the reflection, or do you think all those things can happen at the same time?
Hopefully she hears this and she'll be able to gauge where she's at in her journey.
I love that you mentioned therapy, because now that she has this time, she can allow herself to maybe see a therapist, if that's something that's feasible for her.
And so she can process, you know, the whole experience that she had, as far as burnout is concerned.
I think we also haven't said to our listeners that they should really be patting themselves on the back or celebrating themselves.
But you did say kudos.
But really, I think it's important to appreciate all the work that you've done, especially when you're in the middle of it and it's messy, to just regularly be like, I'm doing the right things and trusting that it's going to help.
Yeah, absolutely, and again I just want to reiterate, nothing wrong with experiencing the emotions that you're feeling right now.
You know, stepping into that space of acceptance, recognizing if you are adding any resistance to these emotions that you're feeling, and maybe shifting into a space of non -judging, non -resistance.
So there's also an acronym that we use called STOP, S -T -O -P, and you can also incorporate that into your meditation.
The S stands for just literally stopping, pausing, the T is taking that breath, the O is observing, observing what's present for you physically, emotionally, mentally, sitting with it, and then the P is proceeding in a wise and skillful way.
Again, having that consistent practice that you already have is everything right now, and so just really stepping into it and using it for your benefit during this time.
Fantastic advice, fantastic advice.
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All right, so let's go to our third question from Maeve.
Here we go. Hi, HUTspace team, my name is Maeve.
I'm a recent college grad and while I'm very happy with my career choice, it doesn't pay too well when you're starting out.
So I was wondering how I can use mindfulness to cope with the financial instability of young adulthood and the stress that comes with it.
Yeah, young adulthood.
Maeve, that's a wonderful question.
So Maeve, right off tops, I'm curious as to why this period of your time is stressful.
The reason why I ask that is because I'm actually curious if you are allowing yourself to accept where you are at right now in your life?
Or are you in a space of creating stories of where you would like to be and basing your behavior and your reactions on that?
So oftentimes, that's what we do, just as human beings.
We go through life reacting and behaving as we want things to be, versus as they are.
Yeah, Keizanga, I want you to give an example from your life from this time period of what it would look like if you were making up stories, just so we could take it into the real life versus the theoretical.
Sure. Let me take it back, my early 20s were very different than most, only because I got married straight out of college.
Oh, yeah, I got married at 22.
But yet and still, even when I was married, for me, I had a machismo thing.
Right. I'm married.
No, I'm a married man.
I have a wife. I gotta take care of her.
I'm supposed to, exactly right.
Right. My lady doesn't work.
right so there were things that I wanted to provide I thought I would get married and we were going to be taking vacations every summer right that's what married people do right I was in grad school that wasn't happening yeah you know so there there was some I don't of what marriage is supposed to be.
It wasn't happening right away because I got married at a young age.
So instead of you accepting that and relaxing into what your life really was, it was harder because you were, I wanna be over there.
Yeah, I wanna be over there.
I had all these stories in my head that I was creating.
And so there was just a lot of resistance that I was creating versus just accepting.
Okay, right now I'm in grad school.
And the thing is, what made it worse, and this is, I don't know if you're dealing with this Maeve.
So I went the science acupuncture route.
But I had friends that went to business.
And they're making some money.
They were making money.
They were on Wall Street, they were making, they were have that lifestyle where they were, it was on and popping, right?
Just, I'm like, yo, you want to go such and such place?
I want to, but I do not have credit for that.
But I can't, right?
And so that was hard also, having to accept that, yeah, I got to stay still.
And so what helps in those type of situations, Maeve, is to step into a space of intentional gratitude.
So we call it like the attitude of gratitude, right?
So there's always, always something to be grateful for.
There's a saying that I used to teach in my MBSR class, as long as you're breathing, there is more right with you than there is wrong.
And so basically, it just means there's always something that you can focus on to be grateful for.
And so during this time, early twenties, when you might not be able to afford everything that you might want to do.
There's always something that you can be grateful.
I mean I heard you say that you just finished college.
That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment.
You know, congratulations for that Maeve.
And so just just really purposefully looking for those, it doesn't have to be anything that's grand like graduating college, it could be something small.
Like, I did not take this for granted.
Waking up every day.
Yeah, I'm so fascinated by this because I never really thought of this, and it's funny because in comparison to your, you know, machismo period where, you know, you want the trip to the DR every year at the Club Med, you know, I, in my early 20's just out of college, I was so thankful because I loved my friends so much. Like the friend group that I had built in college, because my home life was just a hot mess.
Like when I went away to college, I built, I made my chosen family, and I was so happy to be with them.
And we were all in the same boat.
And we were all broke ass, you know, like, make making dinner at home, because we couldn't afford to eat out, you know, and, and go into divey places, because that's what we could afford, you know, getting a six pack at the house before going out because we couldn't afford to even drink in the bar.
It was like, you know, we were all those things that we did that sound like these horrible sacrifices.
I was so grateful to be with the people that I love, that it never occurred to me that any of it was bad.
And or hard or I wouldn't have wanted to done it any other way.
But like conversely, right now, I definitely am in a space of like wanting my career to be in a certain place and always wanting more, and then I'm wanting something that I don't have versus looking around and being grateful.
So I just think this is a profound thing you're talking about right now.
No, absolutely, and check out what you said, Robyn.
do, you know, wanting wanting more in your in your in a career.
Maeve specifically said that she is thrilled about her career choice.
Yeah. Do you understand that's like half the battle in your early 20s.
Yes. So Maeve, please, please do not take for granted that you know, this this career that you are pleased with.
Yeah. That is huge.
So even if you build your gratitude from there, you know, So allow yourself to really seek out those things that you can really focus on, that you're grateful for.
So if we take off our parenting hats for a second, Keisanga, which is almost impossible to do, but if we do, what other mindful, like if you're moving into the mindful, you're talking about gratitude as a tool, but are there other mindful tools that would be helpful for Maeve?
Well, being aware, right.
So mindfulness is all about awareness, right?
So first being gentle with yourself yourself when you recognize that you're creating stories.
And just in general, just in the space that you are now, being in your early 20s, exploring this journey of life, this new phase that you're in, really being patient and gentle with yourself during this time.
I want to first and foremost say that.
And building on that, being aware of when you are creating stories in your mind, again, based on how you want things to be versus how they are.
So there's a specific concept in mindfulness called non -striving.
And so non -striving really speaks to the idea of setting goals, and then allowing yourself to gently let them go and bringing your full focus to the journey right here and right now.
Because it sounds like Maeve you are really focused on where you want to be.
You're really focused on the goals that you want to accomplish, and that's what's affecting your present moment journey.
Yeah now there's nothing wrong with having those goals and when I say to gently let them go it's just kind of like putting them to the side.
It doesn't mean you have to forget about them.
In fact, I would invite you every so often to focus on them for that sense of inspiration or motivation, if you will.
And then bring your attention back to your present moment journey.
Because if you are so hyper focused on this goal, on your goals that you want to achieve, then you're not focused on the journey right here and right now.
When I talk about that I oftentimes I use the analogy you might have heard me say this before Robin of sports, you know like when I work with when I used to work with athletes well just no alright let's take any sport right okay it'll say and let's say any NBA team what is their ultimate goal win the championship win the championship that's the ultimate goal right but that journey to that championship starts where it starts in the very first workout in the preseason yeah and then the next workout and then the next workout and then the next practice right and then the season starts and then it
starts with that very first practice of the season yeah and then the very first game of the season and if you want to really break it down the very first play yeah of that very first game all right so but if you're so hyper focused on getting to the championship, how effective are you going to execute that first play of that first game.
Your focus is not here.
Your focus is on that championship.
But then there's a lot of pressure.
There's a lot of, you know, I want this and you're not in the moment.
Right. Exactly. You're not in the moment.
And so that's where mindfulness really comes into play, being able to, you know, we call it the zone.
know, the sports lingo.
We call it being able to just get into the zone right away.
Well, right now Maeve, you're playing the game of life, right?
So how are you going to allow yourself to get into the game, into the zone, right away?
And Maeve, I have to say this, you know, just from that, I keep referencing that we're coming from this parent point of view.
I wish that you go and enjoy this time because we do know it doesn't last and there's there's more pressures coming and you you you may have family you may have you know, you may Expand your life in a way that becomes more crazy and busy So if you're able to you know, we're gonna practice and and enjoy this time It's a it's a wonderful time if you can get there.
This is the season of your 20s The season of your 20s.
Yeah. Oh, well, okay song got that was just a fantastic fantastic batch of questions.
I mean they were also thought -provoking and just, thank you folks for sharing them with us.
Absolutely. I think those were just wonderful wonderful questions.
And please, as we said, keep us posted.
Yeah! We want to just keep us posted on how things are progressing with you.
Yeah, it just felt like there was just a common theme among all of them about, you know, life's going to hand you stuff whether it's where you are or people that you come in contact with or dealing with burnout or you're twenty.
But just how can you approach these things, like these things are gonna happen, but how can you approach them in a mindful way to maybe either not end up there again or process what's happening in the real time in an easier path?
I wanted to really mention, specifically in the app there are certain meditations that can be helpful for some of the topics that we touched on today.
Throw some of that out, Kesunga.
One such meditation is one called Mental Health and Mindfulness.
That's an excellent meditation, Experiencing Strong Emotions, another great meditation.
And then Managing Financial Stress, as Maeve was talking about, I think that's another meditation that's very appropriate for some of the things that we talked about today.
Just fantastic suggestions.
I mean, you're fixing in the world, Kizonga, one meditation app at a time.
And if any of you all have a question that you would like us to answer, so all you have to do is head over to sayhi .chat, slash, Dearheadspace.
You follow the prompts to record your question.
It's gonna come to us and maybe we'll pick it.
Yeah, I also have that link in my IG bio.
We are at Kgiscombe.
And just click on it and you can just start recording your question.
And also, if you have any mindful moments from your day, you can record those also.
Yes, that's right. And I did mention that we might pick your question.
So if we do pick your question or your mindful moment and we use it in the show, you are going to get three months of Headspace for free.
And if you're already a user, guess what?
You could share it with someone you love.
It's amazing. Well, that's awesome.
That's really awesome.
All right. So, before we leave y 'all, what we want to do is offer a gentle transition from this moment into whatever you're going to get into next.
So what we've done is we've built in some time so you can take in everything that you heard today.
This moment is where you let your mind really do whatever he wants to do.
Today, we're leaving you with the sound of a stream running through an orchard. Oh, that's beautiful.
And so till next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and always be kind to each other.
Indeed. Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studio's original podcast. It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones and Scott Sorensen.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohen, Baran Farmar and Danny Carissimi.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Keisanga Giscombbe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, and Yves -Louis Prieto.
Sound recording and post -production is by Dan Kroll, music is by Scott Sorenson and Chris Murguilla, and a very special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
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