Hey friends, it's Dora.
You might have heard that we're on a holiday hiatus, but that doesn't mean that we don't have some deer headspace for you.
Here is one of my favorite episodes from the early days of deer headspace's catalog.
Robin and I answer questions about how to get mentally healthy when dealing with physical health issues, what to do when a song is stuck in your head, and a question that I've been thinking a lot about lately does acceptance mean you shouldn't confront people?
You're a future, can we have a conversation about it?
Like, that's still a confrontation, but if it's done in a constructive way where you are trying to set a boundary and saying, please don't do that to me any longer.
Is that okay? Because that feels like it should be, how does that square with acceptance?
I feel like having a healthy conversation or communicating mindfully isn't confrontation.
And I think sometimes we can perceive it as so because there's a lot of things going on in our minds and body when that thing can happen and it feels like we need to have a confrontation, but it doesn't have to get to that point.
Like, we can talk with the person, you did a really beautiful thing of using eye statements, so I felt verbally, but there's also the physical aspect of it, our body language.
If you're going up to someone in your face, a scrunch in your fists, or like, you know, there's just want to tell you one thing.
Yeah, just got one thing, man.
Like, listen here. I mean, you're going to be met differently versus you just going up to the person and, hey, how are you saying, hi, checking in, you get an understanding of where they're at?
It may not be a good time.
You may be ready to have the conversation, but you never know what's going on in their life.
And I share this before, Robin, but you had started saying, like, I feel this way and eye statements are very important because it doesn't sound like you're blaming the other person for what it is that you're feeling.
Because again, is there anything else that you would like to add?
So that you stay engaged in the conversation because again, you could be formulating the perfect response as this person is sharing with you.
So yeah, being able to reflect back what you're hearing as well and, again, letting go of the outcome because it may not work out in the way that you envisioned it to be as you were.
Sometimes it doesn't, you know, and that's accepted.
That's okay. But I think in those instances, if you can walk in and you, you came in not aggressive, you listened, if you did all those things, like, I don't know, if I'm able to do that, I walk away going, all right, well, I did the best I could.
This is no longer about me.
And that helps me get, there's so much that we are all going through that we probably won't ever talk about.
And if we can hold that in our awareness when we're communicating with other people, things can really shift.
Absolutely brilliant, brilliant, brilliant advice.
And Andrew, good luck. I hope, you know, we hope you're able to walk forward and kindness and compassion for yourself and, and whomever is, you know, bringing this up for you.
Yeah, for sure. All the best, Andrew.
All right, let's go to our next question from Charlotte.
Hi, my name is Charlotte and I'm from Denmark.
And I'm reaching out to you because understanding where it transcends words, you know, to see someone and to know that they've been through the same thing as you and just to be able to hold space and not have to say anything, it's like so restorative.
So finding those people and to not feel alone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And usually hospitals, you're in Denmark.
I don't know of any resources in Denmark, Denmark, but you can go to your hospital and they will have those outreach groups and community groups that you can be connected to finding the peer support worker in your hospital or social workers in your hospital that can connect you to those people again to remind you that you aren't alone in what you are experiencing.
Yeah. I mean, I was really, I mean, and all those different things that may arise, but it's our body doing its best to keep us alive and fighting for us.
So remembering that, you know, and it's a process.
It's a journey of relearning who you are after experiencing something like cancer.
And if you're living with depression and anxiety as well, it's, yeah, it's not an easy journey to be on, but it's one that requires you to have so much compassion and grace and patience with yourself.
I had this one friend who fought cancer several times.
And one of the times I went to the hospital was one of her last surgeries.
And she was just angry. And I got a real moment of clarity where I realized my only job that moment was to just be there and to just let her say whatever she needed to say.
Yeah. Because prior to that, I had come in and been like, oh, my job is to joke and maybe make me, you know, make her not feel like she's in a hospital.
But at that moment, she had had multiple surgeries and she just didn't want any of that.
And so I just tried to listen to what it was she needed and she needed to be pissed.
And I just said, is there anything I can do for you?
And then I just sat with her.
And it was hard. It was hard because you don't want to watch your, your, your people that you love in, in these spaces.
But if that's what they need, that to me, it's like, you've got to give that to them.
Yeah. And sometimes words are not enough and things like that.
And it's, and you know, taking it back to what we said at the top when we were just chatting, this might be one of those really positive things where technology can, can benefit like your local town may not have any cancer support groups, but there may be global or national ones that you'd have access to through Zoom.
Yeah. And I don't know if we mentioned this, but therapy.
I mean, the other day my therapist said that therapy is meditation out loud.
So if you're not able to sit with yourself and cultivate that sense of nonjudgmental awareness, you can have a therapist that is also that embodiment of nonjudgmental awareness where they're reflecting back to you, your thoughts and your work.
Mine's at like four in the morning.
So I feel like if I get up and play Megan trainer, it might make some people up in the house.
That's a bad idea. Yeah.
But I do love what you're saying here for Barbara, though, because it's like, as you were saying it, I was like, Oh, yeah, because isn't the whole point of the practice, you know, in meditation is to allow it to happen and not to try to change what's going on for you.
So that does make sense like that maybe the more you try to dig in, the worse it's going to be.
Yeah. And even just noting this song writing it down, like I had a teacher one time tell me that, and this is I'm a spiritual person.
So I'm not going to try and make it seem like it's not spiritual, but I would wake up with certain.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think this is why I'm a resilient human being is just my ability to laugh at myself.
Like here I go again obsessing over this person that was from the sixth grade and they're showing up in my meditation.
I'm having dreams about them.
Like my mind is wild. Yeah.
You know, and I was like, I shouldn't take this so seriously.
And imagine how many other things my mind has made me think about that have made me to be this like serious or angry type of person.
It's like life. It's not that serious.
You know, there is some things that are you know what I mean?
Are you going to remember this in five years?
Probably not. So let's let it go and just enjoy the moment as it is.
And sometimes like such a fantastic conversation.
Yeah. This was beautiful and such a great reminder that there's so many layers to this human experience.
And I'm really grateful to have heard from all the people that have shared.
Yeah. Me too. And I just love the theme of acceptance that ran through all of that.
You know what I mean? It's just through everything.
And I really loved that.
Yeah. And I hope that folks can walk away from listening to this episode realizing that acceptance isn't a one and done thing.
It's a constant practice that we have to work towards.
It's not a I accepted it and therefore it's gone forever.
It's like it probably every single moment you'll have to keep on leaning in.
Yeah. Yeah. Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast.
It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selser, Sarah Cohen, Baron Farmer, and Danny Christamy.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kessanga Giscombay, Dora Kamal, Samantha Snowden, and Eve Lewis Prieto.
Sound recording and post production is by Dan Crawl, music is by Scott Sorenson and Chris Marguilla, and a very special thanks to Colleen Mutt.
