LaShallon Derrick met in college 24 years ago.
He first laid eyes on her during freshman orientation at Loyola University in Baltimore, and Derrick was immediately smitten.
So smitten, in fact, that he walked her back to her dorm, busted out a faux Johnson & Johnson spa kit, and offered to wash her feet after class.
To be fair, she was wearing sandals and it was dirty and dusty.
But that just didn't do it for her at the time.
So Derek and Michelle didn't date.
Not then.
They drifted into different friend groups and they eventually graduated.
They ended up marrying other people and started families.
And still Derek kept in touch.
A birthday message here, a polite hello at a wedding there.
And then in 2018, almost two decades after they first met, they were both newly single.
And that year's birthday message turned into dinner.
That dinner turned into long-distance love.
And eventually that love turned into a proposal.
Today's episode, like all of Recommitted has been, is about what it takes to find your person a second time.
It is about patience growth co-parenting, long drives between Wilmington and Jersey and learning how to show up as the partner that you could not have been the first time around.
It's about being all in, even when life doesn't exactly go to plan.
This is Recommitted.
So tell me a little bit about the first time that the two of you got together.
How did you meet?
We met on campus.
Let me say August 2000.
We went to attend Loyola University in Baltimore, Maryland.
And we came a few days or maybe a few days early for a African-American orientation.
So that was the first time I laid eyes on her.
And so you guys saw each other on campus.
And how did you first start dating?
Man, well, we didn't start officially dating until we circled back in 2018.
But I saw her on campus.
I was googly eyes, of course.
Gorgeous, beautiful.
Yeah.
So I had to approach her.
Not exactly sure what I said or how I started, but I found myself talking to her.
You know, There was one day, I remember we had this freshman experience.
She had a freshman experience class, freshman FE100.
Hi, Christine.
It's my first time meeting you.
How are you?
Yeah.
Doing well.
So I walked.
Likewise.
I was telling Joe about the first time I met Lachelle and those early days of courtship, you know.
No, but we met back in 2000 on campus at Loyola University.
We came early for an orientation program.
I saw her.
I was already googly eyes.
You know, she's gorgeous, beautiful.
And I said, man, I knew the math already.
You're not supposed to have a girlfriend your freshman year, but she broke the mold.
You know what I mean?
She broke the mold.
She broke the stereotype.
She threw all my rules out the window.
You know?
Yeah, so I was there like heavy, you know, but you know, like most girls, you know you come in too hot, then I don't like you, like that.
You know what I mean.
I was laying on thick and she probably thought I was laying on thick but not knowing that, me being who I am, I'm casting over.
That's what I do, you know what I mean?
I'm a romantic person, you know.
So, like there was a time I was just about to tell Joe that I walked her back from class right,
It was a fall.
I walked her back from class, and I brought her up to the dorm room.
I ran the water in the bath to wash her feet.
You know what I mean?
So I had these products from Johnson & Johnson.
I had these products from Johnson & Johnson, like hand cream, foot cream, foot lotion, different foot baths.
So trying to impress her, I brought out my products to wash her feet.
You know what I mean?
And she was wearing flip-flops to and from class.
So, you know, it was a little...
The path was low dust.
I said, yeah, I got you.
You know what I mean?
So that was one time.
But as beautiful as she is, I was not the only one pursuing her.
You know what I mean?
Had a lot of competition.
You know what I mean?
So it didn't work out.
But I was kept in touch.
You know what I mean?
Kept it friendly.
Kept it professional.
We went in different paths.
You know, she got married.
I got married.
You know, she had a family.
You know, I got divorced.
She got divorced.
You know, I always kept in touch.
Happy birthday.
All that good stuff.
You know what I mean?
Birthday guy.
And then, like, 2018, you know, part of my birthday reach out.
You know, happy birthday.
How you doing?
You know?
And then subconsciously, I threw that in there.
Tell so-so and so-hi.
You know, so-so and so is now the ex-husband.
You know, and she said, oh, we're not together.
What?
You know, it was one of those, it was one of those, like, you know, I was literally in a parking lot in Bed Bath & Beyond, you know what I mean, about to go pick something up, and I'm there like, what?
So, how you want to celebrate your birthday?
I said, we need to catch up.
You know what I mean?
And she said, okay, yeah, I mean, that'll be fine.
I don't know why I decided to as she was, but as you can tell, I was definitely excited.
You know what I mean?
So that was the reconnect in 2018.
So I met in 2000, reconnected in 2018, and we've been trying to make this love story work since 2018.
I love that.
I love that.
So you guys met, and did you end up just being friends when you were in college?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We did.
We ended up kind of creating our... our own circle of friends.
So still within the same school, same general circle of friends, but kind of branched out in different directions.
And what did you think of him?
This guy that's like hey, can I come up to your room and wash your feet?
Well, I think he described it well, that maybe...
He was super sweet and almost too good to be true.
Maybe a little intimidating.
So I think I probably pulled away out of fear or just overwhelmed.
So talk to me a little bit about your lives after college.
You both ended up with other people.
You lived a full life.
Talk to me a little bit about that.
Sure.
I ended up getting married, I guess, two years after college.
So I was married for 10 years.
I have now almost 14-year-old twins, a boy and a girl.
So co-parenting with my ex-husband now.
And now working full-time, raising a family. keeping in touch with friends and family.
So were you surprised to hear from Derek?
Well, as he mentioned, he's always really good about remembering birthdays.
He has a really good memory and he's really He has a really good way of keeping in touch, so through multiple venues, whether it be through social media or through LinkedIn.
I feel like we've kind of been in touch throughout that time after college just through social media.
But it just so happened that at that particular birthday, when he reached out, you know we're able to have a conversation and, you know, came to the realization that we We're both single and, you know, willing to kind of reconnect for my birthday that year.
So what did you guys do?
I mean, I guess that would be your first date, really?
Yes.
Yeah.
I can talk you guys to death, so let's do this.
So she did her thing, right?
We graduated, 04, right?
She dated an old boy, you know what I mean?
They got married.
Strangely enough, right, because...
Derrick is that strange kind of guy.
Like, we kept it, because I know old boy.
You know what I mean?
We still got semicircular friends.
So I actually was at the house for a barbecue one summer after college and stuff.
You know what I mean?
And I still kept it cool.
You know what I mean?
Because I think, yeah, at that time, yeah, I was married.
I got married right after college in 2004.
But my marriage was on the rocks, you know what I mean, from the start.
But I'm at the house keeping it real cool.
You know what I mean?
You know, we playing taboo and stuff.
I'm not looking at her, behaving myself, making sure, you know what I mean?
Yeah, but yeah, she was there.
I was behaving myself.
And then I got separated, O.A., divorced 2010.
You know what I mean?
There was a wedding we was at.
So now here's the interesting thing.
There was a wedding we was at, right?
You know what I mean?
A mutual friend of her ex-husband and mine got married.
I'm at the wedding, right?
At the time.
Yeah, I'm dating someone that's not really serious in that sense, but I'm not at the wedding.
She's at the wedding.
And all I can do is just smile and laugh.
You know, they say you laugh like a defense mechanism.
So I'm laughing and smiling, making sure I'm not trying to flirt with her, because in the meantime I'm like wow.
Beautiful.
Whoa.
She's, you know what I mean?
And I know what was going on with their little situation.
I didn't know.
I just started to behave myself.
You know what I mean?
I used to dance with And I like to dance, too.
I make sure I ain't accident dance.
I ain't want, you know what I mean?
No funny business.
Nobody keeps nothing.
You know what I mean?
Fast forward that to, like, that wedding was in November.
Fast forward to, like, March, right?
Fast forward to March.
She sends me a happy birthday, right?
And I'm like, okay.
I didn't see what was going on.
And that silly me, I'm like, okay, thank you.
And I sent her this clip, the video that my girlfriend at the time had made for me.
You know what I mean?
I ain't said no.
She was like reaching out like that, man.
I wish she would have said something back there and there would have dropped boom, would have dropped everything.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
I had no idea she was trying to like test the water and reach out.
I wish she would have said something a little bit more.
We would have had this party started a lot earlier.
So the date, right?
On the phone, what you doing for your birthday?
You know what I mean?
Not much, right?
Okay, let's do something.
I'm going home to be in Reno that weekend, but I can change my flight to fly to Philly and then we can have.
We can have dinner.
So, it was the weekend of the Philly Marathon.
You know what I mean?
I was in Reno for a basketball event to see some of my kids that played.
Flew back to Philly.
Hmm.
Got the red-eye stabbing.
Got to Philly Sunday morning.
Booked myself a hotel room because, like, that's a long journey.
You know what I mean?
So, I got to Philly early. was able to meet at 4 o'clock at the restaurant Elvaz.
I love Elvaz.
I'm in Philly.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you know, met at Elvaz.
So when I get there, I couldn't check in early, but they held my bags.
I went around town.
I picked up an apple pie.
I picked up some Starbursts.
I picked up a cupcake.
I dropped the cupcake at the restaurant.
You know, we told the, So they made a deal with what I was trying to do, you know, because it was celebrating her birthday.
They held the cupcake, you know, for me.
Kept in touch with her.
She arrived.
You know, we went to dinner.
You know, we first stopped by sitting across from each other.
I said, I'm going to come to the next year.
I want to really hear all this story, you know, what's going on.
You know, so we caught up.
You know, she told me, you know, how she got to this point.
I didn't pry too much, you know.
But you know what I said at the end of the day when I met her it was more like I've been divorced.
You've been divorced.
I got love for you.
You know what I mean?
And I love the world.
So if nothing else, you have a friend in me.
If you want to just talk to somebody, you know what I mean.
Regardless of the attraction, I'm attracted to you.
If that don't work, that don't work.
But if you want someone to talk to, I'm here for that.
You know what I mean?
I wasn't sure if she was still attracted to me or not.
I wasn't sure she was ever attracted to me.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that was never clear to me.
You know what I mean?
Because that was coming.
I'm like, I'm coming in hot.
Still coming in hot.
I'm hot right now.
Yeah.
But yeah, that was the dinner.
The cupcake came.
The way she brought the cupcake, she was surprised by that.
You know?
Yeah.
So what was it like seeing him after all this time?
Were you attracted to him?
Yes, I was.
I was really nervous.
Yeah.
We were both really nervous.
I could tell he was nervous.
I don't know if you could tell if I was nervous.
No, I didn't tell you, I know I was nervous.
But yeah, we met at, I met at his hotel and we walked over to Elvis.
So there was just a lot of nervous energy, like the awkward hug when we first met.
Not quite sure what to do, but...
Throughout the dinner at Elbez just talking and reconnecting.
The conversation started to flow and we got more comfortable.
By the time we got our food and obviously margaritas helped as well to get rid of the jitters.
It went really well just catching up.
We had so much shared experiences, you know still having mutual friends and having gone to the same university.
So it wasn't too hard to kind of catch up and get back in touch.
Hi, Christine Pride here.
After writing two books with your friend in mind, Joe Piazza, I've written a solo debut novel.
All the Men I've Loved Again is a coming of age love story about a woman who dates two men back to back in her 20s and then the same two men again in her 40s.
It's a heartfelt tale of first love and second chances and I hope you'll check it out.
All the Men I've Loved Again is available on July 8th wherever books are sold.
And so where did it go from there?
So...
After the first dinner, we kept in touch.
I think probably this was already mid-November, so we were quickly approaching the holidays.
So we did get a chance to meet again in the Philadelphia area within the following two weeks, I guess, to have dinner again.
And then with the holiday season and travels.
I think it was a couple of months until we saw each other again after that.
Man, listen, listen.
All right, so this side went down, right?
Listen, I had that trip schedule for Rena, right?
But I also had another trip schedule.
I had a five-week tour in Europe.
I had a five-week tour in Europe.
We just reconnected.
Boom, boom, boom.
You know what I mean?
Things are flowing good, feeling great.
Got this five-week tour in Europe.
You leave it?
Like, this was December 6th.
I was gone from December 6th until January 11th, you know?
I spent, I think, that first few days, I was in Florida.
And you know those first.
Like you just started dating someone, that first.
You know long phone calls three hours in the middle of the night, you know.
I'm writing cute notes, you know?
We're waiting for a name L for this, I for that, all cutesy stuff, you know, man?
Yeah, I don't know.
I just like not to do the first.
Then I'm in Europe coming around Christmas time.
You know what I mean?
I'm still in it because I'm like, man, I can't wait to get back to you.
I'm having a great time here.
You know what I mean?
I'm having a great time in Europe.
But the thought of seeing her again, right, is just filling me up.
You know what I mean?
So I can't wait to get back.
You know, it's like having something to look forward to.
That was wonderful.
You know what I mean?
Holidays for her wasn't wonderful.
You know what I mean?
We got on the phone probably might have been either before Christmas or around New Year's.
I was in Italy when you gave me that phone call.
So when was I in Italy?
It might have been after New Year's.
I remember being in Italy in the apartment of my former student player, talking to her.
And in a voice, it just wasn't.
She's like, I don't know how this is going to work.
You know what I mean?
How this is really tough for me.
You know what I mean?
Because again, we was in a divorce.
She got the kids.
Like, a lot of stuff is going on.
You know what I mean?
And not hearing that before, because the conversation was a little bit, wasn't as fluid as it was up to that point.
But when she told me that, okay, I understand that.
You know what I mean?
I understand that.
I mean, me, I came in, I was like, ready to go.
I'm all in for you.
But again, he's fast, right?
He's coming hot.
Yeah.
But as she was telling me, like the holidays is hard for her with the kids, her parents yada yada, yada.
You know, so, you know, we had that going on.
So we're looking at 2019.
I don't think I saw you in February.
So there's some time that went in between.
I don't know if I ain't called her or she ain't called me or whatever.
I'm in my feelings because, like, man, what am I going to chase you for?
You know what I mean?
Like, I thought we, you know what I mean?
We thought she'd be past this part.
Man, you know what I mean?
I had knee surgery in February.
My birthday's in March.
She got me tickets to a Sixers game.
I like basketball.
I'm a basketball guy.
That was big.
That was big.
You know what I mean?
Did you feel some way because the seat was high?
Because I didn't feel kind of way.
You know what I mean?
I was just happy that she got me tickets.
I'm there with you.
You know what I mean?
Mind you, too, I'm also in a brace now.
You know what I mean?
I'm in a brace.
You know, I'm not walking as sturdy as I should be, but I drove up there.
It was cool.
You know what I mean?
I was just touched that. you got tickets to the game.
You know?
Yeah.
So, so that was that in March of 2019.
And, you know, we had a thing, the July of 2019 was also good.
You know, you came up, you came up for the 4th of July for 2019.
That's when my friend Sebastian was in town too.
So, so we did that.
She came up 4th of July 2019.
That was cool. you know, had a good time.
Yeah, I see it right now.
She's looking out over the water.
She's got a towel around her, bathing suit on, her glasses on, her American flip-flops.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, so then again, oh, what's next, right?
Yeah, then what's, yeah, what's next?
So yeah, I mean, And it's still not like fully locked in.
So we locked in, on again, off again, right?
And it's like, wow, man.
I remember probably the next turn of events it might've been like December of 2019 she invited me to the Grand Gala.
You know, she loves the arts.
She loves musical theater.
So she's on the board at the Grand Gala, the grand they put on different plays and events down here in Wilmington, Delaware.
And every year, the big fundraiser, the Gallup, she invited me to it.
You know?
And her parents there said, oh.
I'm like, oh, okay.
Okay.
I already met the parents back in college, though.
But it's still like my first time meeting them again as we're, you know, reconnecting and dating.
So that was like, ooh, that was big for me.
So we did that in summer.
Smooth.
It's going good.
You know?
And then come January, I got another trip.
I'm back to Florida again for a basketball tournament.
January 2020, right?
I get sick, you know?
I got, I don't know, maybe some sinus issues, some allergies, something like that.
We were supposed to meet up when I come back, you know?
I'm over there on the phone when I tell her I'm sick.
You know, I gotta cope, you know what I mean?
She's not happy about that.
Why?
She's concerned about her kids, you know what I mean?
I wanna see, you're sick, you know what I mean?
I got kids here, you know what I mean?
Man, and I'm feeling some type of way.
You're not concerned about me too?
You know?
And that was that Sunday, because these are pivotal moments in life, right?
That Sunday was when Kobe passed away.
The Sunday I flew back.
I flew back.
Kobe passed away.
I'm home in the bed.
I'm sick.
I should be staying here.
I didn't hear from her.
Now I'm tight.
You know what I mean?
Now I'm tight.
I'm in my feelings.
Man, she know I like basketball.
Kobe passed.
She didn't tell me.
She didn't text me.
She don't love me no more.
She don't like me.
Yeah, I'm all in my film.
I'm all outside.
So now I ain't here for a while.
I ain't calling.
So you call me.
Come my birthday.
You tell me happy birthday.
You tell me happy birthday for.
You know what I mean?
Like, you just say happy birthday.
Say happy birthday.
If you wasn't thinking about me back then, yeah, fine.
We shouldn't be together then, man.
Get it then, man.
You just call me to say happy birthday.
Yeah, I'm in my film tight.
You know, but I'm also salty too.
Come Mother's Day, May 2020.
You know what I mean?
Mother's Day.
How you doing?
I hit up with the how you doing text.
Happy Mother's Day.
You know what I mean?
I can't stay away from it.
It's too long.
I'm not sure if I hit it.
We might have been a text in between, there around my birthday, because also that's when the city, the wall, shut down.
You know what I mean?
March 15th, that weekend, my gym closed down.
So it was around that time.
So it might have been a text saying, hey, how you doing?
How your family doing?
You know what I mean?
But I was already in my feelings.
So...
Fast forward, Joan, 2020, you know, she sent me something.
She does beach body workouts.
Proud of that.
You know, they had this program called 10 Rounds, right?
And I don't COVID.
As a basketball trainer, I'm also a fitness trainer, too.
So she sent me this thing, 10 Rounds.
Okay, that's cute.
I'm going to share this with my client.
So that's how we got back again, you know, June of 2020.
Sent me the 10 Rounds to share with my client.
I say, hey, this worked out well for me.
Thank you for sharing with me, you know?
It's kind of cool, smooth.
So then now we just, we ease our way, ease our way back into it, you know?
And I'd probably say it's late fall.
I didn't see her on probably until maybe October because now it's COVID, like we got masks on.
Do we hang out?
Do we see each other?
How are we going to do this?
You know?
How are we going to do this?
Yeah, so...
I think it was cute.
She came over.
She had the mask on.
She was like, did I kiss you with the mask on or the mask on?
I thought it was happening.
It was like, she was cute.
Yeah.
So then, you know, here we are, 2020, 2021.
I'm in Jersey.
My lease is about to expire.
It's like 2022.
My lease is about to expire.
You know, what are we doing?
Yeah, I don't think you mentioned that during this whole time, this was all long distance.
So Derek was in West New York.
New Jersey.
Wilmington.
So ever since 2018, all the way through 2022, this was all long distance, yeah.
And so then what happens after your lease expires?
As my lease despise like, I'm a practical person which becomes certain things right and I'm flexible, you know.
I mean all my life I've been the type of person I can jump in things midstream, mid game and adapt.
I'm adaptable.
Sherry told me that she was moving because the kids are here.
The school is here.
Her parents are here.
The father's here.
I want to keep everything, you know, organized and simple for them.
Okay, cool.
I get that.
So I was like, I mean, I'll move down.
You know what I mean?
Are you cool with that?
She said, yeah.
You know what I mean?
She had a tear.
She was like, okay, that made me feel good.
I told her I was a little bit nervous about it.
I don't know if she wanted that or not.
Again, I'm very, I have no problem speaking.
You know what I mean?
I tell you how I feel.
I tell you what I want.
You know what I mean?
I'm still trying to pull things from her.
So I was assured she'd be like, no, don't come down.
Or yeah, she was happy about it.
You know what I mean?
So I moved down.
I got my own apartment down here December of 2022.
And then I moved in with her last June of 2024.
And then I proposed to her November 1st of 2024, her birthday.
Yeah, we are.
And did you say yes?
I did, yes.
Joe is cute.
You see her?
I did.
Tell me.
We've done a few book tours.
You know what I mean?
We've done a few book tours from some of her favorite authors.
So that's why I got a chance to meet Joe at Harriet, Idas.
Idas, yeah, yeah.
I love that Idas, guys.
Love it so much.
I enjoyed the Sicilian.
I enjoyed it.
I love how much you love Sicilian.
I love it when men love the Sicilian, because they're always surprised, because they don't realize that they're going to enjoy it so much.
I knew it was up my alley, you know?
Drama, mafia, love, romance.
What's not to love?
What's not to love?
I know, I know.
I listened to it twice, thank you, thank you for that.
I love that so much.
So tell me, tell me a little bit about the wedding.
The plan is like like 2025 was huge for our family and stuff.
You know, my mom's 60th.
We just finished celebrating my cousin high school graduation and we, like a family reunion we all went down to georgia for for the weekend.
Um, so now it's like Where do we want to go?
We know we want a destination wedding, right?
We know sometime 2026, maybe like the early fall or maybe before school starts, end of August.
Not sure.
I've never been to.
That's affordable.
You know what I mean?
I like St.
Lucia.
She likes St.
Lucia.
You know what I mean?
So, yeah.
Some, what's the word?
Not concerned.
What is it I'm looking for? some pause for me.
I got a big family.
Well, she has a big family too, but my invite list is huge.
Hers might not be, so trying to find that balance there.
That's some things we're going to have to iron out.
I can see that being some point of contention, but we'll see how it goes.
I love this, guys.
I love your love story so much.
Thank you.
Christine, do you have any questions you want to throw in there?
I guess one question I have just, you know, having gone through this journey myself, right of reconnection is, and especially you guys have both been, you know, with other partners in the meantime.
Do you have any lessons learned or is there something that you feel like oh, this second go around or reconnecting at this point in our lives it's worked well because of what we went through, or you know the reason why.
The timing might be right right now where it might not have been in the past.
Yeah, I would say that definitely lots of lessons learned.
As Derek mentioned early on, like he's been very consistent.
He always has been a romantic.
He's always been someone who's super caring and able to, convey his emotions and his feelings.
So now that I'm more mature, I think that I'm more readily available um able to appreciate that more um at this age.
So I think maybe that was my lesson learned, um, for the second time around.
I think for me, it's a little more patient.
Um and I like to steal a phrase from the Roberts let them um.
My previous partner was also an introvert.
So next to me, it was like a huge, stark contrast.
And she didn't want to dance.
And my family felt like she ain't like my family.
You know what I mean?
So that was a point of contention for me and stuff.
So over time, I'm not as wound up as I used to be.
I'm a little more patient, a little more understanding.
Yeah, I'm older too.
I see life a little bit differently.
I care about the world.
I just want to do my best to be that change.
Things happen.
I see it like I'm not looking for perfection.
I'm not looking for you to do everything right or perfect, but what I am looking for is communication.
I don't see a relationship should be 50-50.
It's going to change on different days, but can we talk about it?
Can we be accountable?
You know what?
Oh, man, my bad.
I'm sorry.
That didn't cross my mind.
And it's not like, oh, I made a mistake.
I won't make that mistake again.
But it's like, do I recognize that I made that mistake?
And can I have the maturity to come and tell you that?
I'm sorry, but we can do that.
I can do this differently.
Are you there for me?
Because, at the end of the day, when you're old and gray, Can you count on someone to be there for you?
You know?
And be there for you for those tough, trying times.
And that's what's important.
Right?
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
Thank you so much, guys.
Grab your copy of All the Men I've Loved Again wherever books are sold.
Committed is executive, produced and reported by me, Joe Piazza and, in this case of Recommitted, by Christine Pride.
Our show is executive produced by Ramsey Yount.
And if you have any Recommitted or Committed stories, you can email us at joe at influentialmediabiz.
Have a great day.
