829. The Support Squad Series: Round 4 with Emily Halnon | Ali on the Run Show

Welcome to the Allie on the Run show. I'm your host, Allie Feller, and this is where I talk with people who are doing exciting things on the run and beyond.

From professional athletes and celebrity runners to the everyday amateur and back of the pack runner, we are here to celebrate everyone and anyone who enjoys a life on the run.

So whether you've been running towards something big or away from something that's been holding you back, I am here to hold your hand and help you pick up the pace.

Though as I keep saying, you're the ones holding my hand and helping me keep some kind of pace right now.

I am not so fresh off my fourth round of chemotherapy for my stage four breast cancer diagnosis.

I am so tired. It is 2 p.m. the day after chemo.

I'm still in my pajamas and On the first day after chemo last round, I felt amazing.

So it's a little discouraging that I feel decidedly not amazing today, but I'm learning to take each day as it comes and to roll with it.

I had really high hopes of going out for a nice walk today, getting outside.

Instead, I have been rotting on my couch all day.

I'll tell you, chemo is no joke. My support person this time was my friend Emily Halman.

Emily Sweats, one of the OG running bloggers, which is how we met.

She's an ultra runner and she's the author of To the Gorge, her memoir.

Emily has been on the show so many times now, but this conversation is all about her role as a support squad member.

Emily took me to my very first round of chemo back in 2023.

And to have her back here all the way from Eugene, Oregon was so comforting for me.

So please welcome my friend and super supporter, Emily Hellman, back to the Allie on the Run show for this support squad episode.

Emily Halman, welcome to my couch where we record these support squad episodes after every round of chemo.

You're a rock star. You're a superstar. Thanks for being here.

I'm so happy that I'm here on your couch.

I'm sad that I have to leave it soon. Well I can sabotage that real quick.

Not a problem. We've spent some good time on this couch.

We've spent a lot of time. I think the key takeaway from this is going to be. charcuterie and store-bought sushi.

So much charcuterie. We broke your charcuterie board.

I know. It just broke. So... We have a lot that we'll cover, but just top of mind if I were to ask you highlights and lowlights of chemo round four.

What do you think of? Start with a highlight.

A highlight for me is that I got to be here when you were feeling really good. you had an extra week between chemo rounds and I came on Friday and we got to have a lovely few days of you feeling, I don't know if it's the best you felt since you started chemo, but it was probably up there.

And I am selfishly really glad that I got to be a human who was here for that and got some really good alley time and got to see you.

Having some like truly good moments in the last few days.

Yeah. I love that. We hiked a mountain. It was nice.

We did. We'll get to that. Low lights. I mean, the low light was having to see you have your lows during chemo yesterday.

It's no fun too. I mean, it's horrible. It's wretched to see someone that you love and care about. going through something so hard that you have no power to change.

And I hated that you have to be back at Dartmouth.

I hated that you have to go through chemo, like all of the hard things for you.

It's just impossibly hard to watch someone that you care about you going through that and, and just not being able to change that for you.

Yeah, I really went into yesterday with my like, you know, my delusionally high hopes being like, okay, this.

This round three was the best cycle I've had.

I can do this. Like I think in my head I psyched myself up of like just get in, get out.

You know you can do this. You've done it three times already. plus four times two years ago.

And it's like... It was almost so discouraging, and I had a bunch of low moments yesterday where it's just like, shit, even with the best outlook, this is still undeniably hard. the smells as soon as I walk into the cancer center.

Like... And then just all the little things, like whether it was that they were like running super behind and things just like starting way later, which... is fine but like it just it's such a long day i felt so crappy i couldn't get comfortable And this applies to so many things in life where like even with the best outlook, like we really set ourselves up for success yesterday.

We had like the good playlist going on the way up.

Vibes were good. I was in as positive as a mindset as I could be.

But there's still then just so much. Out of both of our control.

Out of anyone's control. And it's hard. Like.

I feel like shit right now. And I went back and looked at my notes from after round three.

And the day after round three, I wrote like best I felt normal day.

I like went for a long walk with Michael and then I walked Ellie later in the day and I was like productive and today, I mean, I slept until 7.30.

And I only got up because I was like I have to get up and start the day because like we you know I wanted to make sure we recorded wanted to take care of things before I pick up any this afternoon and like.

Yeah, and I'm also like, you know, people are just like, rest, you need rest.

And I'm like, I can't. You have to be a mom today.

Yeah, a mom. Business is... scarily behind.

I have a ton of admin stuff that I have deadlines on.

My reality right now is I can't just rest and obviously i'm outsourcing what I can but like Most of these things are things I need to be doing.

So anyway, I just like it's hard not to then get discouraged and be like, like last time I felt so good on day one.

Why don't I? So. And we did all the same things.

Like the protocol was the same this time.

The nausea meds are the same. Um, actually, you know what?

She did up my dose of the olanzapine, the nausea med.

She told me to take 10 milligrams instead of five.

And I did take 10 last night and I wonder if, and that makes you very drowsy.

I wonder if that's why I feel more tired today.

It might be. Yeah. That's the thing that changed.

We also did a good amount of activity while you were here, which is so nice.

We did. Yeah. All right. And we stayed up late. well that's also yeah like I was not on my best bedtime behavior like we were up watching we watched a lot of friends yeah a relaxing kind of late but yeah just yeah I feel like all the nights that I was here, we were both fighting sleep because we wanted to just keep hanging out.

I know, I know. And I did also have that moment.

Was it yesterday? I feel like I said it to you at one point. where I was talking about how like when Michael was here last time that I just had this moment of like this time together is so special that like it sucks that cancer had to happen for it to happen but like you and I have spent you got in Friday so with all day Saturday all day Sunday all day Monday and then this morning and we had Friday night like we wouldn't have done this if I didn't have cancer I wish I didn't and I wish it was just like let's prioritize our friendships but like same this has been nice in that way, which has been a constant for me that like the time together is very special.

I'm really grateful that I got time with you.

And I'm really grateful that I got to be here at a time when A little extra space to hang out.

And the energy for it too. So yeah. If you're.

I say this every time. I'm like. If you're new here.

Don't start with this episode. Like. Start with Ellie Kemper in New York City and go from there.

But you were the first ever guest on the Alley on the Run show.

It's wild. Don't. don't go there don't start there have you ever listened to that one like gone back I don't think so but I have like flashes of memory from it and it was such a to days that I don't know if I need to read.

Like, I feel like it was like a different Emily that was talking that day.

2017 when we did that like that's which is crazy because we're both still 26 so I don't know what's going on in terms of the math but For people who are new to Emily Hellman, can you give a bit of background about who you are?

Sure. I'm a friend of Allie Feller's. I got the first line in the bio.

Love it. I am also, unsurprisingly, a runner.

I do more running on trails and in places like mountains and forests. and wild spaces than on roads these days um but definitely a runner um I'm also the best friend of Dilly Pickle Chip, who is... A dog?

He is a dog. I want to say the best dog in the world, but...

Ellie sitting right there and I also think Ellie is the best dog in the world so I want to be careful about the words that I choose right now we appreciate that yeah thank you um Ellie's been a big highlight of my stay here as well.

I'm also a writer. My First, but I'm like, I'm always uncomfortable talking about myself.

I'm not good at this part of things. What do you want me to do?

But I'm watching Ali like watch me to be like with this like threatening look.

You better say the right thing. It's not supposed to be threatening.

It's supposed to be like you're doing amazing.

Say all the good things about yourself. Yeah.

I'm also a writer. I write a lot of different things, but probably my most notable piece of writing is that my first book came out last year which was a memoir called to the gorge and um what else do you want me to say You're doing amazing.

And you're a freelance writer. And I'm also a freelance writer.

Yep. Okay. That was a great, great introduction, Emily Hellman.

You are also... an amazing support person.

You were here, you flew out here for my first round of chemo in 2023.

And you're someone I've leaned on very heavily during all of this, which I'm grateful for, but hate that you are that person because you've, been a caretaker before.

You've been by people's sides during their hardest times.

You are... very comfortable it seems in a hospital setting of kind of knowing your way around in there.

So again, I wish that weren't true, but you are someone who has experienced a lot of loss. losing your mom and your brother Jameson losing his wife, like too much cancer in your world.

Too much cancer, period. And that's something I think about a lot with this of like what it's like for you to be back in hospital settings and to be like. seeing another person that you care about going through it is that what is that like for you I mean, it's a mix of things.

It's obviously, I don't want anyone to be going through, like we have just covered too much cancer period and it's hard. to ever be sitting with that reality, which you certainly are when you're in the Dartmouth Hitchcock Cancer Center.

Did I get the name right? Dartmouth Medical Center.

Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center is the hospital.

And then the cancer center is actually the Norris Cotton Cancer Center.

Okay. I don't know who Norris Cotton is or even if Norris Cotton is a person, but I should look that up.

So, yeah, it's definitely... it's hard to be sitting with the reality of how awful cancer is and how many people it touches.

And especially to be there with someone that you love so much going through it.

I think for me, while I have had like my mom I lost my mom to a rare uterine cancer in 2020 and my sister-in-law Jessica to breast cancer in August of 2020.

But my mom especially really wanted to protect my brother and I from, um, from seeing her going through it.

And obviously, that's kind of unavoidable.

Andrea Hellman would love and appreciate why you wanted to do that.

But we didn't she didn't want us to do things like go to her chemotherapy appointments with her But it was very clear how important it was and how helpful and just like, you know, powerful it was to have a really amazing and strong support network around her who did do those things like she She went through chemotherapy and then she was in a clinical trial and she had, especially her friendships with other women, she had this whole crew that like went to all of those things with her.

And I watched how much of a difference it made to like have that companionship and friendship and support and how they like, you know, did she did similar things to what you're doing with like making it about more than chemotherapy and like when she She lived in Vermont and when she did the clinical trial it was at Dana-Farber in Boston and they would turn it into a whole day and make a road trip out of it and like do things to make it about more than cancer and that is like what kept my mom going through so much of the hard part of having cancer.

And so to be able to be that person for someone else going through their own time with cancer, Um, I think it's like, I don't know.

It's not even something that I feel like I think about.

Cause I just know, like, like you asked me a million times if I was sure that I want, cause I came out from Oregon and.

You were like, are you sure you want to come out from Oregon?

It's so far. Like, I don't know how many times you asked me that, but it was many.

And and I I don't know how. much stronger of language I could have used to reassure you that like, I don't want you going through this, but if you have to go through this, then I want to be here. to do what I can to help you through it.

And especially because I have seen what a difference that it makes for my mom and Jess's life.

I appreciate that. We, you know, we've been saying this whole time cancer, but make it fun, which like, I'm always kind of like can I say that out loud like I don't want to be insensitive because like this cancer isn't fun, but my perspective on all of this for me has to be like, how do we find levity in this?

And how do we like, Yeah, I can't be like stormy all the time because that will break me if all I'm ever thinking about is like... the ways that this could go, right?

So it's like, yeah, let's wear the matching sweatshirts and let's like...

You know, let's wear pink and wear friendship bracelets and let's like have playlists for the drive up.

Like I have to do those things to be in that positive mindset because.

Like I said earlier, when you're in it, there's so much none of us can control.

Yeah, so thanks for being part of the Cancer But Make It Fun team.

It's not fun. It's not fun right now. Like I'm melting into this couch right now.

I feel like I'm never going to get off it.

I know. I hate that you're feeling not great this morning.

So let's recap the weekend, shall we? We took notes.

We learned how to have a shared notes app, which has been really exciting.

Shout out Connor for... Spreading that knowledge.

Yeah, and I figured it out so women in stem So you came up on?

Friday, what was I doing? Oh, I had Annie.

That's right. I had Annie until Friday evening.

And then I had to bring her to go with her dad for the weekend.

And so Lori and David picked you up from the airport.

Shout out Lori and David. Best lift in the county.

Did you leave them a rating? Did you leave them a tip?

I would give them a million stars. Million stars.

So you got a ride in and then you came to the house and we immediately just started living our best charcuterie based life.

You had it all set out. You had a very cute, you, I mean, we have already covered that you are feeling like behind in things right now, but you found time to like, make a sign welcoming me and have snacks set out and like have it be all cute and welcoming.

And as soon as I got here, I was just like, felt like a big hug From the home and human of Allie Feller.

So we did that. We had lasagna that a family friend had brought over three lasagnas.

So we had those. I tried to convince you that I made them and my mom immediately blew up my spot.

Or was it my dad? I believed you for the record.

I thought that you had despite the fact that you had Annie for so many days and had just dropped her off I thought that you had also and I've only made lasagna once in my life, but I learned in that one time that lasagna is like a really time-consuming affair.

All those layers. All the layers. And so I was really impressed that you had made meal lasagna I made it and then I put it in the oven which is also a thing thank you um so yeah we just hung out I think we by Friday We had decided I always have like a show that I watch with people when they're here because it's really fun when you know that you have a few days together and that every night you'll end up on the couch or in bed watching something.

And normally I love forcing my guests to watch something that's new to them, but that I love.

Like with Connor, Got him into Ted Lasso.

Michael and I watched The Summer I Turned Pretty, which we had both seen, but she was not caught up So we did some catching up and then watch the new ones.

Jackie, I forget what Jackie and I watched.

Oh, Jackie and I watched the show for the four seasons on Netflix.

I haven't even heard of that. I'm learning that there's a lot that you have not.

I'm not super hip on the television. And instead of starting something new, we somehow landed on Friends.

And so we've been watching a lot of Friends season three.

We landed on it because when I was flying here, it was on, I don't even remember.

I think like my computer, I was like, oh, I'll get all this work done on the plane.

And then my computer died. And so I ended up watching the in-flight entertainment, which included friends.

Always. And I told you about that. And then it was like, obviously, we should just keep watching Friends.

And you identified that watching Friends was a very comforting thing.

It's comforting. Yeah. As I told you and my dad that people with anxiety do really well rewatching stuff because it's calming to us Like I never enjoy my first time watching something because I want to know how it ends so that I can just relax and enjoy watching it.

It's why I never finished Ozark. It was, I was like, I just want to know, like I'm all about spoilers.

I like to know how things end before I start them.

It's just a more relaxing experience for me.

So Friday night probably stayed up too late.

Saturday morning was a low for me and I will tell you why.

I don't know if I know that it was a little video, but here we go.

Okay. Before you came up, I'm like, what do you like to have?

What do you like to eat? I want to make sure that I like stock the fridge with things that, you like and are gonna want and when you are someone who doesn't drink coffee and someone tells you like and you're hosting a coffee drinker it's so stressful Because people are so specific how they take their coffee.

And just one little thing being off is a game changer for our coffee drinker.

And so I have found... That if I'm going and I offer, if I'm like, oh, hey, I'm going to Dunkin'.

Do you want a coffee? And someone's like, yeah, can I get this?

I panic. Full sweat. Like... If I say they want a vanilla latte, but then they're like, do you want a vanilla pump or vanilla?

I'm like, I don't know. This is all the information I have.

So anyway, it's something that really stresses me out. and you wanted a dark roast coffee.

You said you like a dark roast. Well, I think I said that I will drink pretty much any coffee, but I tend to gravitate toward dark roast.

Yep. So I bought six boxes of dark roast coffee.

I didn't know how much you'd want. And other coffee too.

Yeah, oh yeah, a variety. And you said you wanted half and half.

I don't think I've ever bought half and half in my life.

They had a few different kinds. Full panic at the grocery store.

And then I walk down on Saturday morning and you're making your coffee and I round the corner and you're holding the half and half and you go.

And you were dead serious, like just stone cold.

And you go, hey, just so you know, this isn't what I would have bought.

When I tell you that the color rushed out of my face.

And then, of course, you immediately burst out laughing.

It's also not exactly how I phrased it. I wrote it down.

Just so you know, this isn't what I would have bought.

It's in the notes app. I think I said like, it's not a big deal, but you seemed concerned about what I would take and so I just wanted to let you know for next time, this probably isn't the half and half that I would buy.

Also, this felt like payback for the lasagna.

Oh, good point. Yeah. And I immediately was like, I am just kidding.

Oh, yeah. I'm a very happy coffee drinker.

So it is what you would have bought. Yes.

Just regular old half and half. Yeah, but I did.

I panicked. So that was my low point. I didn't know how deeply about it. affected you.

I'm sorry if it was too much. I'll be thinking about it for a while.

So because it's you that's here, I knew that I would, and because I was feeling well.

I got an extra week in my chemo cycle. So I do chemo every three weeks.

But my third week in this cycle fell during one of my weeks of having Annie for summer break.

So I had her for 10 days and I was like, I'm not getting chemo.

While I have my daughter, like their whole thing was that you're going to be on this chemo for a couple of years.

We want it to work around your life. And so I was like, perfect.

So what do we have to do so that this isn't during my week with Annie?

And they were like, it's no problem to push it by a week.

Like we're not going to push it by more than a week right now, but they were fine with pushing it one week. which meant I got a four-week cycle and it was like such a gift because I felt well in this cycle and so I got extra time feeling well.

So that was, I like celebrated that every day.

And obviously we had. a great 10 days together.

And then knowing it was gonna be you that was here, I was like, this will be great.

We'll go for like a hike or something. I've just been really wanting to be in the mountains. feeling well I'm trying to run again I've been doing like three mile runs so when you were here I was like I want to try to run five miles that was just like in my head for some reason.

We didn't get out Saturday. We got out at probably like 1030.

I think we got out relatively late. It was hot and I was not feeling it.

That's probably accurate. Yeah, we were in no rush to get out the door, but also not thinking about things like New England humidity in August and how that would feel the later months. in the day that we went and it did feel Yeah, and I just like when you are not running consistently, and so when you are not really in running shape, running's hard.

Totally. I just felt sluggish. I felt like heavy, like I had lead in my legs that I was trying to drag.

And of course you're like shuffling along with me, just yapping.

And I just like, wasn't responding to you.

So I could tell that the first couple of miles you were like, not, Not exactly like living in type one fun at the moment.

No, I was like, why am I doing this? Like, I'd rather be walking, but I also want to try.

So anyway, we ran five miles. We ran out to a cute little trail on my road.

And I think you got better as we went. Did we do five?

We hit five, right? We did. Remember, we did four out, then one mile running, and then we walked.

I think we walked three back. I feel like we did eight total.

We covered eight miles, which felt great.

Once we started walking, I was like... You were so happy walking.

You were like, I could walk all day. all day long i love walking you were doing great um but it was nice it was nice to have that time together and then we just sat in the backyard we had nowhere to be and so we sat in the back for at least three or four hours with Ellie swimming nonstop.

Ellie was so happy. She was happy. We were content.

I don't often just sit and rest. I'm not good at it.

I sit and like think about all the things I should be doing, but not doing them, but also then not resting.

It's just, it's the dumbest pattern, but We just sat.

The weather was perfect. And then we decided to go up to Kentucky Cider Company. also at some point this weekend because I feel like this is important to say given some of the other stuff you've said during this conversation you were talking about like all the stuff you would have to do on Monday.

And I was like, and I asked you like, like what?

And you were kind of like, oh, my emails, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, well, I can be your accountability buddy.

We can like sit down with computers if you want.

And you were like, not this weekend. And I was really proud of you for like, giving yourself the weekend to be like, it didn't matter what was waiting for you to be like, nope, I'm like, I'm relaxing.

I'm having some fun. I'm like going to sit by the pool and not worry about Or at least worry less about what's waiting for you.

Yeah. I didn't bring my laptop out there.

Yeah. That's for sure. And then eventually we were like, we should eat.

And so we decided to go up to Gold Hill Orchard and Kentucky Cider Company, which is where I had part of my birthday party.

And I just love it up there. But I didn't want to see anyone I knew, which in a small town like this is kind of hard. but I was just like I'm not in the mood to like chat with people I'm not in the mood to get like the head nods and the how are you feeling like I just want to go sit up there.

It was a beautiful night. Um, I knew we'd get a good sunset.

Like they have live music. So it was like, let's just go up there and chill and not see anyone we know.

And so we drive up. It's about two miles from my house.

We drive up there. We pull into the parking lot.

And who's there? An alley ghost. is that my dad's car?

Which I will say, if I'm going to see anyone when I'm out and about, like my parents are the people I'm always going to want to see.

Like I'm, very happy to hang out with my parents but it was so funny that I was like I just want to like not see anyone and of course my parents are there um they were very cute yes but it was nice we had really yummy pizza such good pizza good music great music Lori and David and then of course I saw like six other people I knew too which I should have expected and then We saw the sunset.

We enjoyed it. And then we came back because we had a hike planned for the next day.

We did. We have a very specific hike planned.

We did. We were going to do the Franconia Ridge Loop, which I did a couple years ago with my friends Anush R. Kelly and Izzy Seidel.

And I've wanted to do that hike again ever since.

Yeah. And it's like been talking about it for weeks and you were like, Emily, I really want to go hiking, but I don't really know how to like, find my way through the mountains.

And I think you know how to find your way through the mountains.

So you're the perfect friend to have around this weekend that I want to go hiking.

Yeah. And that's like a big hike with lots of different trails.

So I was like, I fully trust Emily to navigate our way around.

And then... And then... My brother, Jamison Hellman, you're going to bleep this out, but he fucked it up.

He fucked it up. He fucked it up. Yeah. It was lovely.

I'm from Vermont. My brother, Jameson, still lives in Vermont and This trip I decided it was just about being in New Hampshire and being with Ali, and I wasn't going to cross the border at all into Vermont.

But it worked out well that my brother had over the weekend.

He said he had nothing but time, totally wide open weekend and could meet us for a hike.

However, as we got later into Saturday night texting with him, we learned he actually did have some constraints, some time constraints.

So we had to pivot, pivot the plan and we looked up other shorter hikes but all I wanted was a good view like it was fine that we didn't do that it was super important and So we landed on, with the recommendation of my neighbor Molly and a lot of Googling, we landed on Mount Osceola. which is right next to Waterville Valley if you're a ski person.

So we made a new plan. We also made lava cakes.

Oh, thank you so much to the alley on the run friend who sent me six boxes.

Omaha Steaks Lava Cakes so good we dove into them this week you made them and I wasn't nervous at all that you didn't set a timer and No, you were super chill.

I was really chill. You didn't question everything about my ability to bake frozen cakes.

But you did amazing. I did great. And they tasted great.

They came out wonderfully. You walked into the room and said, do I smell burning?

That is true. Yep. But you did great. But they were great.

They were delicious. So we made lava cakes.

We watched more friends. Saturday was a good day.

Sunday, we got up early because we were hiking Mount Osceola.

I think we left here at, what, 6.30, I think?

Something like that. Or six? I don't remember.

But we were up and out early. And this hike, if you're in the area and you're looking to get up to the White Mountains, Mount Osceola.

This was a great hike. First of all, there's only one trail.

You can't mess it up. No. Very easy. Very easy to follow.

The climb, even though it's one of the 4,000 footers, the climb is gradual.

It's Like it's a lot of little rocks. So I would say it's like a, would you say that was like a technical trail?

It was a chunky trail. It was a very like East coast, rocky trail.

And it's a racing trail. When we showed up, which first of all, they have bathrooms at the trailhead, which is amazing.

And we see this like tent at the trailhead.

And I was like, oh my gosh, The people at Mount Osceola are so friendly.

I thought it was just a normal thing. Just every trailhead has pancakes.

Well, I was just like, maybe it's like a thing they do like once a month where the local like Rotary members come out.

Shout out David. Shout out David Fowler.

I didn't know and then we very quickly learned that there was it was or I went in the bathroom and I came out and you were like there's a race.

Yeah, it was clearly an aid station for a trail run.

The Jigger Johnson. The Jigger Jagger, but that might not be its official name.

Nope. The Jigger Johnson. And so people were doing a hundred miler.

There was a 50 miler. There's also, we learned a 20 miler, but it was so fun.

And I think it was like, Shout out to anyone who did that run or is thinking about doing that run because we were talking to the aid station people and they were telling us like when we got there, it was like.

8 a.m. ish maybe when we were starting and there were 50 milers that were coming into the aid station and they had started at 9 a.m. the next day so they had been going for nearly 24 hours over those chunky mountains which for 50 miles is like that's a That's a tough course.

Yeah, it's a long time. What were you thinking when you were told that?

Be honest. Were you like, oh, these East Coasters, like... no they don't know what real mountains are or were you like oh it must be a really hard course of the ladder I mean did you like you saw and felt the trail that we were on that was like I live I mean, the mountains here might be smaller in height, but the trails where I live in Oregon are like smooth as butter, not like 100%, but.

So for the most part, it's really hard to find anything in Oregon that looks like what we were on.

So no, bad respect for East Coast trail runners because that's some tough terrain.

Yeah, it was really fun. I could have watched them forever.

So we saw once we started the hike, we met Jameson.

Started the hike and I was really worried about being able to keep up with the two of you like you're You're obviously very fit all the time.

Jameson hikes all the time. He's going on a big hiking trip soon.

And I was just like, I'm in no physical condition to keep up, but I was totally fine.

Like I was never, I was very sweaty, but I was never like... gasping for air or winded.

Like it's a very doable trail. Yeah. So that was nice.

And you are super fit. You are very capable.

Sure. And then all of a sudden we get to the top, which I was convinced was not actually the top for some reason.

Yeah, which is funny because when you're standing on top of a mountain... it's pretty obvious whether or not you're at the top.

It's like, can you see, more of a mountainside that keeps going or are we on a clearly like flat summit well i said to james markers i was like there's more of a trail over there i was like i think we go that way and he was like which is going down you think that if we go down we'll be closer to the top of the mountain And I was like, shut up.

Yes, I do. So, I mean, it was awesome. The top was beautiful.

We sat there. We enjoyed the views for a while.

We did, which was really nice for a long time in that summit.

Yeah. And I just remember like, It was exactly what I wanted.

I wanted to be in the mountains. I wanted these beautiful views.

And it's just like mountains for days. The second that we got to the trail and started walking, or maybe even before we started actually hiking, but we're just like at the trailhead in the woods, you were like,

I'm breathing easier right now. Like you were like, I get it.

This is what I needed. Yeah. It was so nice.

We made some friends along the way. We had a really nice time.

And then I will say. I went from my highest point of the weekend to my lowest real quick.

Mm-hmm. which was just that I got a message while we were up there that was not a message that I wanted to read, and it made me really upset. and I proceeded to cry the entire hike down.

I don't think I said a word. I was just...

I don't think so. And I was like, what the hell?

I was supposed to like, this is supposed to be my day.

And that's, you know, there's just. life things and I know I'm being vague and I know that's wicked annoying but obviously I'm alluding to things that I just can't talk about here and so that was really hard for me because I was like God I have so much shit in my life right now that I don't want to be dealing with.

I finally took a day to just go be in the mountains and there's just shit that I can't avoid.

And shit, like it was... I was so mad about the actual message, but I was also just so mad that it was like, can I get a break?

Yeah. Like... I am so sick of treading water.

Like when do I get to just actually. Like relax and enjoy on my terms.

Yeah. And I don't know the answer to that.

As your friend, seeing that unfold, I was so mad at all of the forces involved. the universal ones and the other ones that contributed to it because it was just like, you are already dealing with so much.

And I'm always like, you got like a couple of months of being happy before cancer crashed back in again.

And it's like, you deserve this. So much a day of having just like a nice time in the mountains is the very least that I feel like. the world could give you right now.

And to see you not even be able to get that, to get like just a little bit, much, much needed, much, much deserved relief from everything was super upsetting.

Yeah. Just super shitty. So the whole way down, Jamison was leading, I was in the middle, you were behind, and you're both like, and I normally am too, hikers are so friendly like every single person you pass or is going the other way like they always say hi enjoy whatever and And you and Jameson were saying hi to everyone.

I didn't say a word to a single person on the way down.

And I remember being like, I'm having really bad hiking manners right now.

But I was just distraught and upset. And that really put a cloud on the day for a while.

Yeah, yeah. So I got a good couple hours.

You got a good couple hours. And then, yeah, we finished the hike.

I highly recommend if you... have something challenging that you know is on your calendar, whatever that is, like get to the mountains before you go do the hard things.

It helps. Yeah, it did. It was noticeably helpful for you.

And turn your phone off so people just can't reach you.

Actually, we had joked about... throwing our phones off the summit before any of this happened.

And I feel like maybe that would have been the better choice.

I honestly believe that. worried i might have let my phone take me with it so that might have been a bad choice to stop um So, yeah, we finished.

We drive back. We stopped to get more bread and cheese and desserts. that was a theme and then we just hung out you know it was later in the day we had to go to my parents had watched Ellie for the day It was a little too big of a hike for her.

So we went there we picked her up and then we came back watched friends charcuterie store-bought sushi and a variety of chocolate desserts.

So that was the day before chemo. So that... No, it wasn't.

No, chemo was Tuesday. So Monday. Okay, Monday...

Monday we were productive. I wanted to do a bigger run.

I've been trying to do like my longest run the day before chemo. um, which before Michael, I think I, before Michael and before Connor, so rounds two and three, I think I did a 10 K like 6.2 miles.

This time I was like, what if I did seven and there's a really nice eight mile loop here.

That's really hard. And I was like, we'll just do the eight mile loop.

I'll have to walk the Hills. But like, We'll still cover this eight mile loop.

And that's like, that's great. And so we ran eight miles.

Yeah. I believe we ran six miles. No. You, I also want to shout out that you, that morning when we were deciding what to do. you at first seem like you didn't want to do that loop because it was hilly.

And then like, as we're leaving, you're like, I want to do the eight mile loop with the hills.

Um, And it was, I was very proud of you for being like, I'm going to pick the Hills and like, and then you were great.

Well, it's the difference between doing a loop that I genuinely enjoy and doing an out and back on my road for the billionth time this year.

And I'm just so sick of that. And you were happy.

Like when we... finish the run you were thrilled that you had done that and I knew I would be so my outlook was that because we did walk so many of the hills because I just had to um And I kept trying to say to you like, well, we like ran six miles and walked too.

And I was having none of it. And I told you that in. my segment of the sport, trail running, that we walk a lot of hills and we don't deduct those from the mileage that we're thinking about for our runs.

Which you wouldn't either. If I was like, Allie, I just did this 100 miler, you wouldn't be like, but how much of it did you walk?

No, I would never. Don't call it the Hard Rock 100.

Call it the Hard Rock... 52. All right.

So we, we completed eight beautiful miles.

The weather was amazing. We sat outside with Ellie for a while.

We weeded. We did front walkway, which was nice.

Spontaneous weeding, very satisfying. Yeah, we listened to music and did some weeding.

And then you ran more. I took a shower. I had an interview that I had to do over Zoom.

We ran some errands. We went to Michael's to pick up some picture frames and got more sushi and cakes.

And that was our Monday because then it was like, okay, by Monday night, I was like, I think we both, you watched all the cold capping videos.

Yeah. I was like packing the chemo bags. yeah so by monday monday night is when you start to shift into like yeah i've got chemo coming and like there's a mindset shift Yes, I am a very different person by Monday afternoon because I just start to be like, all right, we're starting another cycle.

I don't know how I'm going to feel. I don't know how much I'll be able to get done.

Monday afternoon I'm always like oh I have 9,000 emails I need to respond to and it's like Cause I don't know when I'll be up for working.

It's just the anticipation of that. Like you don't want to go and just like, I mean you've, joked several times like let's just not go to chemo let's just I did say that a bunch of times like What if instead of chemo we did, and I had all kinds of ideas.

Yeah. I thought you would be easy to convince.

Because you like to have a good time. I do like to have a good time.

I also like for you to get the treatment that's going to help you through cancer.

And I also knew that if for any reason I did not get you to chemo that. either Jackie or Connor was coming for my life.

And so I was pretty committed to getting you to chemo for many reasons.

Fair. Well, you did a great job. So that was our weekend of fun.

It was just a lot of good quality time together, a lot of movement. a lot of snacking, a lot of watching friends.

And like that to me is a pretty ideal hangout minus the cancer thing. minus the cancer part yeah it was crying on the mountain it was great just a few days to like hang out yeah it was so nice And to not have like – I liked that we didn't have a super packed agenda and that like every day felt pretty – like we might have stuff that we wanted to do, but it was a pretty relaxed – relaxed affair which was good do you remember compared to last time because you were out here for my first round of chemo September 2023 and Milo life looked very different at the time.

But what do you remember about like the days leading up to chemo?

Did this time feel different? Yeah. I mean, I showed up Monday.

Was it Tuesdays again or was it Tuesdays?

Yeah. So I showed up on Monday afternoon. in time to like, you had, we had to like get dry ice and like we had, yeah, we had some specific, and it was the first one.

So we, I think we also like we had to practice the cold cap helmet and like we had a lot of like boxes to check before going to your first chemotherapy.

So it wasn't like really any hanging out.

I mean, I think like it was still a cancer, but make it fun situation the first time.

And like we stayed up and. in a in the Hilton Garden Inn after chemotherapy and like had fun but a lot of the the first time that I was here for chemotherapy was, it was a lot of business.

Yeah. It was scary too. Like I remember being really scared because I was like, I'm starting chemo.

You were starting it. Yeah. Yeah. This episode of the Allie on the Run show is brought to you by Lagoon.

When Emily got to my house, one of the first things she said was that she was excited to try out my Lagoon pillows.

And oh, did she get to. Emily and I snuggled up each night in a bed filled with lagoon otter pillows, and we both slept great.

Lagoon makes performance pillows designed for athletes.

The founder, Ryan, is an athlete and he knows just how important proper recovery is.

So he set out to create the perfect pillow based on the way you sleep.

So the first thing you want to do is go to lagoonsleep.com to take Lagoon's quick sleep quiz.

You'll answer questions about your sleep preferences. and then Lagoon pairs you with the pillow best suited for your sleep needs.

My pillow of choice is the Otter. It's thick and firm, but not too thick or too firm.

I sleep on my stomach, my back, and my side, so I'm a tossy-turny sleeper, and the Otter Pillow supports all of my various nighttime positions. one of the best ways to support me right now is to support the brands that help me do what I love Today, that means taking advantage of the 15% off that you'll get when you use my code at your next Lagoon purchase.

Go to lagoonsleep.com slash Allie and use code Allie for 15% off your next Lagoon purchase.

I say get the Otter. That's lagoonsleep.com slash Allie using code Allie for 15% off.

All right, so this brings us to Tuesday, chemo day.

The nice thing about this one, I mean, it's good and bad, is all of my appointments were a little bit later.

Most of them have been like, we have to be on the road between like 5.30 and 6.30 because my appointments were all just like an hour or so later.

We actually had a bit of time in the morning.

And so I thought it would be nice to get up and get out.

I figured I would either want to run or walk or just something like be outside.

And oh my gosh, I'm so glad we did that.

We got up at five. We were out the door by five 30 and I couldn't decide, like, do I want to try to run?

Do I want to go for a walk? I'm going to walk.

You're like, I just want to walk. My stomach is hard.

I'm just going to walk. And then as soon as we were leaving the door, you're like, I think I'm going to run.

Yeah. And we did. We ran. We just did a nice morning 5K.

The weather was incredible. Beautiful sunrise.

Like it was a really nice way to start the day.

It was so nice. So it was nice having them be like at first I was annoyed.

The appointments were later because it just makes for a longer day.

Like you're still getting up early. but just getting home so much later and so it was really nice to just have like 30 minutes and to just jog and get my stomach moving.

So that was one of the highs of the day for me, was just... our morning 5k.

Yeah, it was great. The sky was beautiful.

Oh yeah. It was just like, it just puts you in a better place to start the day like that.

And we talked about how we both used to be such like 5am first thing in the morning runners and neither one of us really. are that anymore um for different reasons and it was but it feels so good and like every time We do get out the door really early.

We're like, oh, wait, this feels wonderful.

Why don't I ever do this? It's another six months before you do it again.

But it was. Really nice to start the day like that.

Yeah. So we did that. You had all kinds of treats for me. throughout the weekend.

You had gotten, you brought stuff for Annie for her to open when she comes home.

You got us matching sweatshirts. that say to live for the hope of it all, which of course is a line from August by Taylor Swift.

And now everywhere I turn in my house, I'm finding little wrapped heart-shaped rocks. that you brought for me.

And I don't even want to like open them anymore because I just love seeing all the places you've hid them around my house.

It's the cutest and just... it makes me so happy.

So you're very thoughtful. I noticed that you opened up cause I, you opened up a couple of yesterday morning, I think before chemo.

And then like last night you were like, Emily.

And then, and you had like found one, but then you just like left it.

Yeah. It's in the one in my. in my scrunchie holder in the bathroom closet.

I just like, it makes me happy to see it there.

It's like a nice reminder. Yeah. So I will eventually open it to be because.

So you while I was in Colorado for a month this summer with my dog living in the mountains and it was this like serendipitous.

And I'm like not normally a person who necessarily like notices hearts when I see them that exist like naturally in the world.

And I had been out with a friend who like does see a lot of hearts and like gets a lot from seeing them and, Um, and she had noticed this heart rock and I had taken a picture, which like, I legitimately don't think I've ever done before in my life.

And then I come back into civilization and look at my phone.

And I see that you've posted like a heart leaf or something that you saw and you were like, I love seeing hearts everywhere.

And then I started to look for them and like was always looking for them as like Ally loves hearts.

And all of a sudden, the earth was just like mother nature was like, I want you to find so much love for Allie.

And I like started seeing heart rocks everywhere.

Yeah. And it, it's like such as, I don't know if it's a silly thing or not.

I don't think it's silly, but maybe it sounds like a silly thing to like get, you know, that kind of boost from seeing a heart, but I really, and like, it felt like I was finding love for you.

And so I kind of wanted to replicate that where you like keep seeing these little, like you're saying little reminders, like that's what I wanted for it from it is like, for you to just get that like, oh, there's a little heart for my day.

Yeah. And it's working. You and I have talked a lot on this trip.

I feel like we've talked a lot about like what we believe in.

Right. And. you know some people are very strongly religious and pray and believe in you know traditional gods right traditional meaning like where there are churches and like people who believe in higher powers and just all the different things people believe in and what you and I believe in.

And, I am not religious. I am not someone like, I'm not a faithful person.

That doesn't sound right. um but like I don't believe in a lot of things and we were both talking about how when you go through something like this you want to believe like you it's like you know, after I got my first diagnosis in 2023, I was in New York city and I was like, I want to go sit in St.

Patrick's cathedral. And like, I can't explain why.

Because I don't believe in a lot of the things that churches believe in.

Churches, temples, synagogues, like whatever.

I've just never... That's never been something that has resonated with me.

But then in these hard times, it's like you cling to anything where you can find hope or comfort.

And I believe in signs. I can't explain them.

I don't know why they happen. But like. Yeah, you all of a sudden seeing heart-shaped stuff everywhere.

Everywhere. I went from never seeing hearts on a run to I would go on a run and see...

17 hearts in like 10 miles like it was wild how many hearts started to appear as I was like bringing you with me When after the first round of chemo, when Jackie was up there, we talked a lot about the birds because Jackie got really into the birdwatching.

And I'd shared that and a lot of people sent me messages being like, you know, I've lost... my mom or my dad or all kinds of loss.

And a lot of people said that they now believe that when they see a Cardinal, Cardinals are big.

Yeah. Yeah. And since then I see Cardinals all the time.

Like I get so many Cardinals at my house. um so like I I think it's I I love believing in that stuff I mean and I you know That I'm not religious either, but I definitely believe in like some kind of, I don't know if I've used the word signs, but I think that is what it is.

And I remember like when my brother lost his wife, Jessica, that owls were a huge thing for Jess.

And Jameson had like built her an owl house one year and like, For whatever reason, we connect with certain species.

Owls was Jess's. And Jameson started seeing, after she died, owls everywhere.

And owls are not... a type of bird that you see very often.

And he, he, would see them, especially on like days that had something to do with Jess, like owls would appear and it's just like, things that you really can't explain away.

And I don't want to either. Like I want to know, believe that that is what it felt like it was.

Yeah. Because I feel like I know people will be like, well, they were always there before.

Now you notice them. Now you have a reason to notice them.

I'm like, I know that's probably true, but like...

I don't think so. I believe in there's like some force that, that is. making those things appear.

Yeah, I do too. So we had an easy morning and then.

I messed up the time for the appointment, so we ended up getting an extra 15 minutes before we had to leave because I was looking at the wrong piece of paper.

So that was really good. But of course, because it's you, even, yeah, we were going to leave with plenty of time.

We were going to be half an hour early versus 15 minutes early.

But the drive up was easy breezy. The 53 minutes up to Dartmouth.

You played. poppier music than I expected you to maybe I don't know what I expected you to be playing maybe like full songs folklore full songs yeah um torture poets but you were we were like kind of jamming on the way to yeah Again, I was trying to be in a good headspace.

Like I don't... On those days, I don't like to... sit in sadness I'd like to have a positive outlook knowing the day is going to be hard it really does help to go into it believing like this will go well there will be hiccups but you're not going to be alone in those that's why you have a person with you um Yeah.

So we get there and the first thing that I always have to do, well, first is parking.

Can we get, always got to be below P8. We were P7.

Yeah. Last time I was P6, so. you know didn't get the best parking spot in the parking garage but not bad but we also operated in the parking garage like normal people who weren't holding other people up just to wait for a spot that might open up like seven minutes from...

It's not my favorite parking garage, but forever better than the Dana-Farber one, which took more years off my life than cancer will, I'm convinced.

So the first thing I have to do on treatment days is I get my port accessed.

So they tap me like a keg, they put the IV in the port, And that it's like I'm still getting used to it.

This is only my fourth time doing it. But I had Carol this time, the same woman who did it the first time that she's been doing this for months. ever and she has trained everyone in the department and she just like she explains every step as she's doing it she's really like I don't know if bubbly is the right word, but she is.

She's upbeat. You can tell she loves her job.

And she just she walks me through every step in a really encouraging way.

And it's like you get brought back into this little room.

You have to wear a mask. while it's happening because the port is, you know, an outside device that's in your body.

So they're like, it's very, very sterile back there.

Like. Yeah. Uh, I have to lay flat to get it done so I don't pass out, but that's fine.

And I just, again, I felt comforted having Carol.

I was like, so happy to have her to have Carol.

Yep. So Carol tapped the port. No issues.

Not like last time where it was like clogged and I needed some Drano.

And when that happened last time, I loved the woman who was doing it, even though it was like... little complications, which is super, super common.

Like she wasn't stressed about it. her name was Haley and I loved Haley.

I just like, I liked her energy. She was cool.

And she was our nurse. because they all rotate where they are and so she was our nurse for chemo which was wonderful you were really happy to see a familiar and friendly face walk over to us when once we get into the Infusion center.

Yeah. So after getting my port accessed, we had the meeting with my oncologist and which we'll just say it was fine.

Yep. I know there are people who listen to this who work in the medical field.

And I will just continue to say that Being a good listener, making eye contact with your patient and just taking their concerns seriously and. validating them is so important.

So yeah, I'm still kind of navigating that relationship and what it looks like with a new oncologist. trying to make sure that my voice is heard.

And for the most part, I know it is. We're still tweaking all of the...

We're still tweaking the medication. We're still tweaking the nausea meds.

So this time I'm on 10 milligrams of olanzapine instead of five.

Um, because I have even last cycle, which was my best cycle.

I was still sick for the first 10 days and that's a long time and When I told her that she was like, you know, we want you to have like one or two not great days, but then like 10, in other words, 10 days is too long. to not feel well after chemo and they want better for me which I appreciate so we're still tweaking things to try to get me there yeah I mean it was great to hear her say that because from both, I think, your experience and then also hearing about your experience from one of your friend's perspectives, the third round felt like such a huge improvement over the second round that it was easy to believe like, okay, this is the ideal state.

Like this was so much better that this is, this is great.

Like we can just stay here. And so to hear that, like, no, actually the ideal is still to like, whittle those sick days way down from there is like, that would be great for you.

Yeah. So we did that. Then we had a little bit of time to get food.

So we went to the works. We got some sandwiches.

Mm-hmm. And then it was time to get going.

So you went up to the car, got all the cold capping stuff, the blanket, the cold caps.

So this was our first time. In this cycle that we didn't have Lauren from Cooler Heads because devastatingly I am not the only patient of hers.

That is devastating. And she's awesome.

I mean, she had reached out to me and cousin Jackie beforehand just to like make sure we had everything we needed to let us know she was here for us. like during the infusion, if we wanted to FaceTime or send pictures or anything, how were you feeling?

This cold capping was different than the last one.

So heading into it, how were you feeling as the loan support person?

I mean, I feel like now I can be honest with you.

Yeah. I was definitely stressed about it, knowing that I was the first person doing it without like the professional support.

Support person there whose job it is to like make this happen so I mean I watched those instructional videos like over and over and over again and was like making little checklist and like, you know, screenshotting all of their checklist and like trying to really like have it dialed so that I didn't the last thing that I wanted to do was and I knew like you also were like maybe we Maybe we don't cold cap today.

Like even as we're like sitting there with all of our cold capping stuff, you're like, maybe we just don't do this.

And I knew that the last thing that you needed was for me to show like any signs of being unsure about how I was. assembling and running the cold cap stuff.

And so I wanted to like, be in a place where I could make you feel confident with what I was doing.

And I know it's so important to you. Like I, I don't want to be responsible for messing up the thing that's helping you to like save your hair while you're going through this treatment.

And so I also wanted to like have my stuff dialed so that I'm like, someone you can count on to be doing that and helping you like save one of the things that you feel that feels important as you're going through treatment.

I remember we were sitting in the cancer center, just we had some downtime and you had the videos pulled up.

Yeah. And I was like, are you watching? I didn't want to be like, are you watching them for the first time or is this a real like and we talked about like our style because I was like, maybe she's just cramming.

Maybe she's someone who just wants to watch it. right before, but I was nervous, but you were, yeah, I mean, you presented to me with total calm.

And I think I said when you were like, are you watching?

And I could tell when you asked that question that you were like, is this the first time you're like looking at these videos?

And you're like, is this your style to cram?

And I was like... I mean, yes, I can cram.

Also, my learning style is that I want to, I need to watch these multiple times because you're like watching someone show you how to like manually adjust and run a cold cap and run a machine.

And like, while you're not hands on yourself.

And so, For me, it just helped to internalize that information, to be watching it multiple times, taking notes, just feeling like I had it.

Yeah. So we got brought back there. And again, it was like not a huge deal, but I mean, we got brought back, I think a full half hour.

After my scheduled time. But they did say.

At least. I think it was more than that.

Yeah, but they did say too, they were like, your medicine's already ready.

So like sometimes they're waiting on the pharmacy to mix the medication.

But they did say they were like, we're ready to start.

But we had to do the 30 minutes of pre-cooling.

So we need to... get situated, get the cap on.

And that took a while too. Like we redid that cap like multiple times, which that started to be a low point for me.

Because every time we had to put it on and then it fills up with the like liquid which is freezing That's my least favorite part of the entire day is when it first fills up.

Yeah And we had to do that like four times.

We didn't have to do that four times because we once we had it on, I think we adjusted it multiple times before we started to fill it.

And then once we had it on. I texted a photo to Lauren to have her check my work and that's right.

And she was like, I would lower the like bottom cap.

So it's closer to your eyebrows. And so, and I, and so we had to take it off then.

And we had already started the pumping in of the fluids.

Yeah. That to me was a hard point. Like it was fine.

We want to get it right. But I was just like, oh man, like I got through doing this.

That's like always a big. yeah hump for me is like get past the part where it fills up because when it first is cold it's just not comfortable no Haley was our nurse, which was great.

A lot of familiar faces in there. We saw Andy, we saw Devin, Mary, of course.

Um, so it has become this little like social time.

Yeah. Yesterday, it's funny, every visitor that I got yesterday, I love so much and like would choose as my visitors and I was like out of it and tired.

And I can't hear anything with the caps on.

So I feel like I'm screaming. Oh, you weren't.

You were great. When we first got there, there was an older woman in the chair right next to me and she was cute.

She was asleep when we first got there. And she woke up and saw us and immediately said hello.

And then you weren't, I feel like you weren't there. at one point, but her and her friend were talking and they were just like ripping on Donald Trump.

Like they were talking about the news and just like, laying into him and I was like can I be friends with both of you like I they were just they were hilarious we have a lot in common Yeah, I was like, add me to this group text.

This sounds great. I got a visit from my friend Darcy who works in pediatrics at Dartmouth, like how she made time to come down.

And of course, like. Had stuff to give for Annie, had stuff for me.

Darcy's awesome. So we got that visit. And we were chatting, but I was so tired.

And I was like, I need to sleep. And oh, the machine beeping.

You want to talk about that? Yeah. I mean, I think this was one of the hiccups of not having Lauren there is that the hose that pumps the liquid into the cold cap is just super fricking finicky.

And I think that's not something that's like in the instruction guide about like how you should position the hose.

They're just like plug it in here and plug it in there.

But it was not happy just being plugged in there and plugged in here.

It was like any movement that you made, it would start and it beeped which was stressing you out because then you're like this isn't working and this is like a delay and so it took us a little bit to troubleshoot it but we figured out if we like hooked the back of the hooked the hose over the back of the chair that it flowed better um but it was it was so frustrating and it was so hard to watch you like, cause you just could not get comfortable.

And it's also like, it's a design flaw that the hose that hooks into your helmet.

And it's like, the hose is thick. It's like, you can't see me if you're listening to this, but it's like, I don't know, a couple of inches diameter.

Like it's, It's not just like a little like shoelace size hose.

And so it's on the very back of the helmet, like behind your neck, which makes it hard to like, rest your head, which of course you want to do as you're sitting in a chair for hours, in any kind of comfortable way.

And so you kept like kind of tossing and turning, trying to get in like, and your chair was broken and it was just the whole thing.

And like, and the hose kept beeping and, It was not, that was, that was a low how it like until we figured it out and then it, then it functioned a bit better.

Yeah. And you were a champ because every time it would beep, I would kind of look at you like, I don't know what to do.

Like I've watched the videos, but. I always tell my support person, like, I'm not, I'm not putting my energy into the cold capping.

Like I'm putting mine into just like getting through this.

And so it was great. You knew exactly what to do.

And yeah, the chair was broke. My chair wouldn't recline.

Yeah. So there was just, I just couldn't, which eventually Haley came over and she like kicked the shit out of that chair and it reclined.

It was so great. Such a baller move. Such a baller move.

But yeah, I was just, and I had taken the Ativan, so I was super tired.

And I was like, I want to be sleeping. And it was lovely that we had so many visitors because it's people that I love.

But I was also just like, I am out of it until the door opened.

And in comes... Drumroll, please. A true angel in a floor-length white dress and heels.

Working in the hospital. Soft denim jacket.

Locks flowing. Which she already sent me the links to.

So we can get matching ones. Dr. Keri Rosenkranz.

The legend. I had never met her. So that was a high for me, too, because she's even better than I thought she would be.

And I want I want I want you to be her friend.

I mean, you are her friend. I want to be her friend.

I just she was amazing. Yeah. And she yeah, she just like she knew I was there that day.

I hadn't talked to her, but she knew that I was in that day and she came to see me.

And you even earlier in the day, someone had, maybe it was Darcy had asked you if you were going to see her and you were like, I thought about texting her, but I don't want to bother her.

Like I'm always texting or whatever. Like I don't want to.

And then she just came because she like knew you would be there.

Insane. Yeah. And like spent some real time with us visiting.

Real time. It's also hard because I'm uncomfortable.

I feel like shit. I can't hear with the cold cap on. uh so it's very hard to be like present and engaged and I know no one expects that of me but like I'm so excited to get to see these people uh because again I wouldn't see them if I wasn't in chemo so it's you know it's a high in that way but it was very cool getting a visit from her.

I was like, what a celebrity sighting. She was great.

She also, she told you endlessly how good you looked.

Oh yeah. She was shocked by how good I looked.

Yeah. Because of how, how terrible you felt after the last round of chemo.

I think she was bracing herself. for how like low and down and sick you might feel and be.

And that was not, she was thrilled. She kept telling me I looked good in my cold cap.

Yes, you do. You look very cute in a cold cap.

Okay, talk about the cold cap timer. I don't want to.

Different from the lava cake timer. No, it's because I think this story is a brilliant example of what you and all of my friends have done. which actually came from Jameson, which is just lie to Allie or like just no matter how stressed you are, play it cool.

And like. Man, you are all masters of that.

So the cold cap timer. Okay. So as we've already covered, I was quite stressed about... manning, womaning the cold cap operation for the first time as without having the support of Lauren there.

And I spent so much time, you know, being as ready as I could to do it.

And what I was most stressed about was like setting it up Because it's kind of a set it and forget it, which in theory, but actually don't forget it is the moral of the story.

But I spent so much time like really like all the boxes to check were kind of like, getting it going and getting it started and then figuring out the hose and stuff.

And then really the only other thing that you have to do is just push a button when chemotherapy And I think like... Like when the drug ends.

Like when the drug ends because then Allie has to sit there for another two hours with a cold cap still on her head.

And so... That in my brain and my stressed out brain somehow got buried as like, that's so easy.

All you have to do when chemotherapy ends is push a button.

But of course, spoiler alert, I didn't push the button.

And I think like, you know, also that was when Dr. Keri Rosenkranz was in.

It was. your little area and so I think like you know other things were happening I in the future I would set a timer for the amount of time that chemotherapy is taking to be like, you know, reminder, Emily, push that button.

So anyway, I don't push the button. And then as Dr. Kerry Rosenkranz is still they're chatting with us, I remember that I should have pushed the button and I get this like, shit, Emily, like you messed up.

And I kind of just like, but I, again, didn't want you to freak out about it and to worry about it.

And so, I kind of just casually walked over and pushed the button.

And I didn't even notice. And then immediately texted Lauren to make sure.

Hey, I forgot to push the button, but I know when her chemotherapy ended.

Can I just like pause at two hours? You asked Haley, didn't you?

Well, and then I wanted to double check my math because then the, so I was like, okay, I'm just going to casually do this.

Allie won't even know. Like, but then as soon as Dr. Rosencrantz left, You look down because you don't want to be there.

So and I didn't realize that there's like a little countdown clock on the cold cap machine.

So you look down at the countdown clock and you see an hour and 47 minutes.

And you look at me and you just like in the most defeated voice are like, how do I... still have an hour and 47 minutes.

And so then I had to come clean that that was not the correct amount of time and that I had forgotten to push the button. but I still didn't want you to panic.

So I said it in a very like, oh, I forgot to push the button.

That's not actually how long you have. But I double checked my math and I didn't tell you this either.

I like told you what like I thought we had left, which was like, I don't remember how long it was.

It was like maybe a 15 minute difference.

And then you like kind of looked like you had fallen asleep.

So I like. tiptoed over to the nurse's station and asked Haley what time I was like, do you know when chemotherapy ended?

And she's like, I can tell you to the minute and like gave me to the minute, which was like two minutes difference from my time.

And we used Haley's time and. And then we were fine.

But it was definitely a lie to Ali is the best policy moment.

Yeah. And then I told you after. Lava cakes, cold capping.

We just play fast and loose with the timers.

The lesson learned is use your timers. Use your timers.

No, that was actually nice because when I did, I looked down and I, so we have to keep the cap on for two hours once the treatment ends.

And so to see an hour and 47, I was like, that can't be right.

Like, or I was just like, man, time does not move quickly in the infusion center.

So when you were like no, it's less than that, that was actually a win.

That's great. I'm glad that my mistake led to an uplifting moment for you.

Yeah. And I got to stay in the chair this time, which was good and bad.

It was good because we didn't have to move everything.

But also the chair at that point was still broken.

Yeah, it wasn't until post-chemo that we finally got it. your chair.

And Haley was like, I'm going in. She like warmed up and just came over.

She's like, it takes a muscle. I think that she had thought that maybe there would be someone else available, but there must not have been to fix it.

And so she was just kind of like, when I went over to, and like, just kind of was like, And if there's any possible way we could like get the chair, she kind of took this like deep, like psych yourself up breath and like, like your little warmup routine, like you would do. before a boxing match and was like, I got this.

She did. And she did. And then I was able to finally, turn on my side so the hose didn't get kinked.

I think I had like four or five pillows.

Um, actually Lagoon, if you could team up with hospitals.

And provide your pillows. The hospital pillows are really not cutting it.

I had to use about five to try and get comfortable.

There were not enough pillows to make you comfortable.

Yeah. Was the lesson. But eventually I did sleep.

You did. And then I woke up because the machine was beeping.

Was that, I don't, I think that was during chemotherapy.

Okay. I know at one point when we were finally like, all right, everything is set.

We are good to go. I was like working on sleeping.

And the machine starts beeping and I wake up and I look for you and you're not there.

I left for like, I went to get caffeine. for eight seconds eight seconds and i and i like i kind of like i waited and i was like okay ali actually seems like she's sleeping now i think it's safe And I kind of looked around and I was like, how, what would be the best way to do this?

Should I like tell someone in case Ali wakes up?

Should I text Ali? And I was like, no, I'm like, I'm barely going to be gone.

And I have my phone. And so, and like, you know, of course, of course, of course the machine decides that in the like four seconds that I'm gone, it's going to beep an alley. is not loving when it beeps.

And so like she wakes up and I'm not there and you, and you texted me and we're just like, I figured you went to get either a snack or coffee.

Yeah. Um, and you responded and you said, push this button.

And I did. And then it was fine again. So, I mean, it was, it was a non-issue.

It was okay. But I hated that it happened when I was gone.

That was like not what I wanted. It was just all these like little, like little things that the machine was just keeping us on our toes.

It was. But yeah, that was, that was, Lauren was so responsive.

So like, I know that everyone was a huge Lauren fan.

I'm in that club too. Like, and I, I texted her. a few different times throughout the time and she like was on it in negative seconds.

But no, I liked that you immediately knew exactly what I needed to do and it fixed it.

Like I felt really good about that, that it wasn't like, oh shoot, I'm not sure, like you knew exactly what to do and I pushed the button and probably went back to sleep, so.

So yeah, I did eventually get some rest.

The best part of the day is when it's done, which I think I was like barely awake for.

When we were finishing it. Yeah. And also you like you kind of woke up.

You finally you fell asleep and like you were out for a while, which was nice because you were so. not having being in that chair with the cold cap.

And so I was like, if she's asleep, then that's great.

Cause then at least you're not like consciously aware of how much time you have left.

And then you woke up with like, seven minutes to go.

And I tried to be like, great news, like less than 10 minutes left.

And you just like kind of looked at me and like slumped and were like.

That was not the booing. To you, that was not good news.

I wanted it to be like you have 30 seconds left.

But yeah, for some reason, 10 minutes sounded like a lot.

As an ultra, well, I mean, I guess any kind of runner, I feel like you can appreciate that some, like there's like some. one, some well-intentioned person standing like two miles from the finish line.

That's like, you're almost done. And you're like, nothing about this feels like I'm home.

And yesterday I was that person for you. but you were so optimistic that I was like, Oh, okay.

But yeah, it was, then it was like, eight more minutes or whatever, uh, took the caps off, packed our stuff up and eventually made our way out of there.

And I did not offer to drive. No, I did like gently.

But you gave me your key first. Like as soon as we parked in Pisa, then you were like, here's my key.

Yep. I've gotten better. Yeah. The drive back, I don't really remember.

I'm sure it was fine. I'm sure I Again, you played much like more driving music than I, not driving like in a car, but like driving like the beat.

You were playing like some really like up stuff on the way back.

Yeah. After chemo is tough because I'm exhausted and I'm happy to be done.

So it's like, You know, a lot of stuff surgeon.

Yeah. We stopped at market basket to get bread and cheese.

Cause we were out of sushi. So the usual.

We literally did the same thing every night.

Except when we went to the orchard and hung out with my parents.

And then we did hang out with my parents.

True. Oh, we had salad and salmon. We got Ellie.

My parents had taken Ellie for the day so that she got to go to Gibby and Pop-Pop camp and have fun.

She wanted to stay with Pop-Up. We had a hard time getting her back.

She loves Pop-Up. Loves Pop-Up. Oh, my gosh.

But then, yeah, we came back. We chilled. and recovered from the long day.

Nothing super like, I feel like it was pretty like, I don't want to say mundane, but I mean, it was a pretty like par for the course chemo day.

Like there wasn't really any, big drama there wasn't any fighting with insurance companies that'll come later this week like it was it was pretty okay I thought from the outside that you you were in better spirits for longer than I thought you might be, just because I know that you have so much like. anticipatory dread around chemo and then that it's just not where you want to be and so and you had said over the weekend like I'm going to I'm going to shift in how, you know, in my attitude starting Monday when I have to start thinking about chemo day.

And I know from hearing your conversations with other friends that that you often like that you do get like noticeably down or you do get just truly down at certain points during chemo.

And that did happen yesterday, but I also feel like, you were in better spirits and good spirits for longer than I, than I, cause I mean, you can, you can be in, I like, No expectation for what you will be in.

You could be in bad spirits the whole time.

But I was surprised that you... Yeah, that you just...

You had more positive energy for more of the day than I maybe thought you would.

Yeah. Those I hate these days. Yeah. And I hate the days immediately after like, and it's, there's no end in sight.

You know, we talked about that with my oncologist of like, Hey, I have scans coming up on September 5th.

If the scans show that this is drastically shrunk, do we then get to like put a timeline on this treatment and say like, okay, let's do six more.

And she said she likes to do at least three scans during any treatment.

And the scans are... Every 12 or every 18.

Every 12 or 18 weeks. So like... I didn't do that math, but that's a long time that I'm definitely still doing this.

Like I'll still be doing this through the winter, through the holidays, in the new year.

Into the spring. Like, whereas last time, if this were last time I'd be done now.

Cause I did four rounds last time. Yeah.

And that's hard. That's the hardest thing to wrap my head around is like the unknown.

Yeah. And I've always said that with Crohn's disease, that if you came to me and said, hey, this is going to be a really bad flare and it's going to be really bad for six months, but then you're going to be fine.

Great. I can buckle down and get through six months.

Whereas like the only way to get through this is one treatment at a time.

Like. I can't be thinking ahead because I don't know what comes next.

And that is really hard for me. That's super hard.

And we talked about how there's like no comparison in, in like the sport of running, right?

That like, It's not a marathon. It's not a marathon.

It's not a 100 miler. It's not running across America.

It's the unknown. And there's no finish line. and there's no finish line and it's really hard to like if you walked out the door right now and someone said run just run and you had no idea how long you had to run and keep moving until you could stop.

Like that's mentally such a different thing that if someone, then if someone says, run to the cider company and like knowing, yeah, knowing where your finish line is like to remove any concept of a finish line is is such a hard thing to deal with mentally.

Yeah. So that's where I'm definitely struggling.

And yeah, it's hard to plan. Like it's hard to plan fun things.

It's hard to plan trips with Annie or like.

God, I want to go on a vacation so bad. I have not taken an actual vacation since 2017.

Like a true. I've done trips, took Andy to Disney last year, but like, you can't tell me that's a vacation.

No, I need like a relaxing vacation. I want to go to like a nice all-inclusive resort somewhere warm where I can just like wake up, work out, go to the breakfast buffet. chill all day.

Like maybe I do some like fun adventuring, but I'm not looking, I don't want to like. go on a big adventure I want to chill just relax I just want to and I don't know what it's going to take for me to relax while going through all of this and I don't know, but I'm like, God, I need a vacation.

And I don't see myself taking one for a while.

And I hate that. I mean, just even being here for a few days and listening to some of the things that you're like. struggling to think about how to schedule into your life because you're like I don't you know even just like doing your job how like scheduling like even this morning like you thought You would be feeling really good to have this conversation and you're doing great.

I'm one with the couch right now. Shout out to Allie doing great.

You're doing great. But but like you don't feel great this morning and I know you're still having this, but like it's so hard to plan anything because you just don't know how you're going to feel and you have so much that you have to.

Planet around yeah, I hate that so I did this with Michael and And I wanted to do this with you as well to sort of wrap this up, which is to tell you some things that you're the best at.

Like with Michael, it's just such a, it's not a little thing.

None of these are little things, but Michael. you can tell she has four children because she is... She would tuck me in when I was in the chemo chair.

And the weight, like it was... It was so loving, but it was so effective.

She wrapped the blanket right around my feet and she tucked it in on the sides and adjusted the pillows.

It was so like, it felt very maternal and it felt very like capable.

Like she was so good at tucking me in. I love that.

And I just like it's again, it sounds like it's a little thing, but I she like made me so cozy.

And so I wanted to share some things that you are the best at.

And I think one of the biggest ones is the way that like you're very calm in all these situations.

You're very like, don't worry about it. I've got this like the timer or like, every time that it would beep or just getting the cold cap exactly right.

Like I felt so like you were so capable.

Um, and I appreciated that, that when, yeah, when things beeped or when like, You just you handle things and you don't add any stress to me.

And I think that that is true about a lot of my friends.

But like, I really felt that yesterday. And like I think about it with the timer of you were just like you were on it.

Even when I was nervous, you were on it.

You did so many little things to make the day special for me.

And I think about the friendship bracelets.

So the first time when you came up two years ago and did this, you had a friendship bracelet, pretty much all Taylor Swift themed.

I think all Taylor. And you gave me a new bracelet for every cold cap change.

Cause we had to change those things out.

What? Like every 25 minutes, something like that was so insane.

Um, And that's hard. Like changing out the caps is so hard because you're putting a new cold one.

It just it was very challenging physically and emotionally.

And so for every cold cap change, you gave me another friendship bracelet.

And this round... My approach has been like, this isn't like last round where we knew we had four and we could work with that and we could make that fun because it's just four.

Whereas this one is like, all right, we don't need to do all the things because like.

Let's just get through this. But of course you, you came out with your heart shaped rocks and matching sweatshirts that everyone in the cancer center loved, including people who had no idea about the song August. but they just liked that we were in matching outfits.

But in moments yesterday, it was always a moment when I was starting to go low.

And I think you could sense it. And as soon as you saw it, you had friendship bracelets for me and they were like perfect for what was happening.

And I don't know how you like had the, foresight, foresight, is that the right word?

That's a word, yeah. That's an appropriate word. to know that these specific hard moments would come up, but somehow like every bracelet you gave me, I mean, the one that made me laugh the most was when the chemo started when treatment actually started and you gave me one that said one hell of a drug from the song florida yeah taylor swift featuring florence Yeah.

And that to me was just like, man, like you put you put the effort in of making them and they're all beautiful bracelets, but also just that like it felt like you really like. thought about what I might need.

And you were so ready with that. And it wasn't like look at this present.

Like you just handed me a new friendship bracelet.

And like, it was just, it's a love language.

Yeah. Um, so I love that too. I love that you are so like very. you're very encouraging to me, but it's never like the toxic positivity.

It's, it's like, all right, if you want to walk, we'll walk.

If you want to run, we'll run. Like whatever you're here for is great.

And like, I don't know, you're just, you're very good at anticipating my needs.

And it makes me sad that you've had as much experience in a cancer center as you have like that's terrible and.

I am benefiting from it tremendously. So, you know, I'm not going to be... Andrea Hellman would love that.

My mom, Andrea, absolutely adored Allie and she would hate... hate it would just uh um torture her to no end to know that you are going through this and also she would to to know that she's she's here in any way she would love that she can be.

And I feel like a lot of how I'm able to show up for you is so influenced by, I mean, I even think like the friendship bracelets, like, Andrea Helman never made friendship bracelets to my knowledge, but that felt like such a thing she would have done.

Like she was a third grade teacher who like did little things like that for us all the time.

And I feel like, she would, that's like very Andrea Hellman influenced.

Yeah. And I, again, I don't believe in a lot of things, but one thing that my like, happy little brain does believe is that like the people who are no longer with us, like.

I believe that they're like sitting in clouds, looking down and watching.

Does that make any scientific sense? obviously not, but I love it.

But like, that's one of those things that I just have to believe.

And I have to believe that like Andrea sees that all that you are doing, doing for me and Jameson as well.

And she is like so proud and so. Aware that the things that you've had to go through.

Like you're paying it forward. In a really meaningful way.

Like. I mean, it's one of those both and things.

It's like I would never choose to go through the loss that I have.

And it has transformed who I am as a human and not in all bad ways.

And I think that's definitely manifest in just how I think about supporting people that I love.

it's been so cool for me to get to see and experience and benefit from the different ways that my people show up.

Like, in who they are. Right. Because looking at the first four rounds, Jackie was like, my warrior advocate.

Like that was when we were dealing with all the health insurance stuff and it was just such a shit show.

And like, Jackie handled the shit out of that.

You know, Connor, his love language is a big one is food.

And he was up at four in the morning to make bagels.

So cute. Michael brought tattoo on eyebrows and cause she knows that like how I look right now is, has been challenging for me.

And so like, that's her thing. You came armed with friendship bracelets and heart rocks.

Like it's all stuff, which obviously the friendship bracelets, big Taylor Swift thing, the heart rocks because you are like, the runner that you are and you're outside all the time.

Like it's been, I don't know. It's been kind of fun for me to get to, I mean, I've said this to no end that like, I am so cherishing this one-on-one time with the people who mean a lot to me and I wish it wasn't because I had cancer,

But it is one of those things where you're like, yeah, sometimes life gets shitty so that we can you know, whether it's prioritizing or just making time for each other.

I wish the circumstances were different, but like, I think, was it last night or two nights ago that I said that to you in the kitchen where I was just like, I hate that this is why we're together, but it's been really nice.

Just sitting on the couch watching TV and eating cheese has been really nice.

It has been so nice. Yeah. And it is absolutely something that like, you don't want these hard experiences to be happening.

And also 100%. yeah yeah so what advice or thoughts would you offer because I always assume that the people listening to this that some of them are going through something hard themselves, but I think the majority are people who have people in their lives who have been through something or going through something or may someday... Like people who might... be in whether it's a caretaking position or just a, I want to support my loved one from afar position.

Do you have advice you would offer or anything that you would say to the support people?

Well, I guess first, before I would speak to the support people, I would say one thing I've appreciated about you and I think this has come up before. is that you're not always quick to ask for help, but it is such a gift to let people in your life help you, and I'm really happy.

I'm really grateful that you let me fly across the country to be here for you.

And I think like letting help in is a gift to people who care about you.

And I know it's hard to ask for help and to accept help, And I know like everyone that you've had here has talked about this.

It's like the day you shared your diagnosis, I was bombarded with all these texts checking in on me and like both like. worried about you and also being like what can we do to support you and I'm like I don't need support like I like I need a way to support Allie and I feel like it's like since you've been going through this, I've just felt so helpless and powerless.

And so whenever you give someone like an actual thing that they can do that will truly help you, it is like, it's just such a gift to them to be able to do that.

And so I, first I would just say that I'm a, I'm glad that you're doing that.

Be like, if people are listening who are going through something hard, like letting people show up and letting them show up in the different ways that they're able to.

And I think, I guess this kind of transitions into like, if you're someone who's trying to support recognizing that like, there are lots of different ways that you can support people.

And I think, recognizing that you don't have to be everything that someone needs like you don't need to fly across the country to go to chemotherapy with someone you can like My brother lives in Vermont and obviously he lost his wife and we lost our mom together.

We've been through, he's been through a lot of hard stuff.

We've been through a lot of hard stuff together part of our love language is just sending each other dog photos whenever we're going through something hard.

And I think ways that you can, find to let someone know that you're thinking of them through hard things and that you love are like you're sending them love through hard things I think that that stuff matters a ton.

I mean, I watched a ton of people check in on you yesterday and like you loved having like.

I felt from the outside that you were loving, like getting these constant reminders that people were thinking of you and cared about you.

And so. Yeah, I think just... I think to... that it can be really hard to know what to do or say when someone is going through something hard, but I think showing up in those moments and not being afraid of that hard thing is and not being not just not being afraid of that hard thing, but I understand hard things are really uncomfortable and difficult to engage with.

And being the type of person who will show up and be there and communicate in some way through that.

And if someone's going hard to going through something hard to, to reach out, I still remember when I lost my mom that There were some friends who called during that time.

And I thought about how hard it would be to be making a phone call to someone who within the last 24 hours had lost like the most important person in their life and being willing to be the person on the other side of that phone call knowing that there was gonna be nothing easy about that phone call.

And so I think not that you have to make that phone call, but like just being the person who, who will continue to show up through those hard things and, in whatever ways, in any way.

Yeah, I appreciate that. To wrap this up, we have a bonus.

So we've been keeping this list just like little things we wanted to remember from this week.

Bonus. Macarena. Oh, Allie Feller brought them.

You should go. Okay, so I try not to brag about this too much, but when I was in fifth grade, I single-handedly, well, no, double-handedly, me and Becky Barker, my best friend at the time, We brought the Macarena to the United States.

So you're welcome. We went on a family vacation to Aruba in fifth grade and in Aruba, everyone was doing the Macarena.

Like we loved it so much. We'd never heard it before at every like, restaurant we went to for dinner, every little show that they had at the hotel we were staying at, like we were doing the Macarena. the week after April vacation is my birthday and so for my birthday party that year I wanted to have like a dance party at my house and so all my Fifth grade friends came over.

Becky and I obviously wore matching outfits.

We still had our... our braids from our trip which we were in fifth grade doing our best and We felt like the coolest kids in the world.

I don't know if you know this, but we went to Aruba for our vacation.

And now we'd like to introduce you to something.

So we did the Macarena constantly at my birthday party.

We made everyone stand in lines behind us. follow us like if they weren't taking the choreography seriously we got mad I have this all on video too because we used to video everything so anyway Wouldn't you know that all of a sudden the Macarena was on the radio stations.

People were doing the Macarena at school dances at weddings even and and for our whole young lives.

Becky and I truly believed that we brought the Macarena to the United States because we heard it in Aruba and we did it at my birthday party in Kentucky, New Hampshire. why this came up between us this weekend I don't know I also don't know but anyway you're welcome everyone we were talking about somehow it might have been like on top of that mountain but the cupid maybe I kind of feel like it was like talking about things that we had contributed.

And you were like, I brought the Macarena to the United States.

I've built this lovely community of runners, but more importantly.

Never learned the actual words, but man, can I do that choreography.

That hasn't changed. Yes. I no longer have the braids and the beads.

We've come a good way with that. But yeah, important to discuss in this episode.

And I bet I could get good stories from people.

If you have a story, email it to me. but about the things that we think or believe when we're young.

I bet there's other people who are like, I thought I brought the Macarena to the United States because I went to Barbados when I was in third grade.

I feel like we all have those things that we truly believed about ourselves as kids that are just completely inaccurate.

You'll have to report back on how many stories you get from people who also thought they brought the Macarena to the United States.

I'm going to say less than one, but... Really?

I think I'm going to get... like seven i can't wait okay so shoot me an email it's in my instagram bio you can find it Anything else that you would say for like key takeaways or things that either you want to remember or highlight or that you think other people might want to hear from the past few days other than get out in nature and put your phone on do not disturb Throw it off the summit.

Throw it off the summit. I considered it.

Yeah. Nothing that immediately comes to mind is where.

I also, I'm doing way, I have no reason not to be doing well today, but I'm also just in a couch potato mode right now.

Well, you're somewhere between West Coast and East Coast time.

You're starting to adjust to East Coast time, just in time for your flight home.

Just in time to fly back to Oregon. It's perfect.

Yeah. I'm going to be getting up at 2am all week and it'll be wonderful.

I love it. No, don't apologize. I want it.

You'll be productive. Yeah, exactly. No one will be emailing me.

I'll get like. Write another book, probably.

Oh, I love this plan. Yeah. Well, I appreciate you and I love you.

You are like such a good person to have around always, but especially in these scenarios.

And I. Cannot believe I know my parents were asking you in the car on the way here, like, how did you guys meet?

Was it November Project? And you're like, no, no. blogging and it is wild to me that like this person I followed on the internet who I thought was really cool. and forced friendship on is now here for the second time to take me to my chemo treatments.

Well, I told your parents that blogging in that era felt like internet dating and you didn't force your friendship on me.

I was like, I think there was a mutual like, we're clicking here.

So if we're clicking online, maybe we should.

See if we click IRL too. It was zero to a thousand real quick with us.

Yes. Which I love. So thank you for all that you. have done and continue to do to make this just a little easier for me, or at least a little sparkly or, or better accessorized for sure. as i keep telling you i hate that you're here but if you have to be here then i want to be here too Thanks for being here.

I'm going to go find a way to cancel your flight so you can stay.

Great. Love you. Love you. Thank you so much for being here for this episode of the Allie on the Run show with my friend, my guest, Emily Halman.

I'm going to say it again. I was so out of it when we recorded this one.

So tired. So hopefully something in here was. enjoyable or valuable and you either were entertained or you had some good takeaways from this one.

I know Emily shared a lot of good stuff about being a support squad member.

So I've got three weeks until chemo round five, which will officially make this the most chemo I've ever done.

Last time I stopped at four sessions, which was awesome.

And now we're just, we're lining them up and knocking them down.

We don't know how many we're lining up, but We're lining them up.

Thank you for being here. Thank you to Lagoon for sponsoring this episode.

Hope you're having a beautiful day. You've got this.

You're doing great. And thank you for joining me on the run.

Thank you.

[Cancer, But Make It Fun: A Conversation with Emily Hellman on Support and Resilience]-[829. The Support Squad Series: Round 4 with Emily Halnon]

📋 Summary

The Art of Being a 'Support Squad' Member

Finding Levity Amidst the Struggle

The Importance of Shared Experiences

Practical Challenges and Resilience

Redefining the 'Finish Line'

Key Takeaways for Support Systems

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript