Rather than me entering a room and thinking, are people gonna like me?
What if they don't like me?
Will I be liked?
I now enter a room and I'm trying to reframe that thinking of like, do I like them?
So I just checked into my hotel in San Diego.
I'm here for Sony's Camera Camp.
It's Sony's annual brand event where they invite creators from different niches, different spaces.
So, for example, there were creators in fashion, in beauty, in tech review, in travel, in business in so many different categories on the internet.
Prior to my sabbatical, I would go to a lot of businessy events.
And a lot of that was like masterminds.
A lot of times I was speaking or expected to speak.
So when Sony approached me and told me about this event, where I'm not expected to have a strategy ready to share with people,
I'm not expected to even create content really, like there's no contract sign.
It's just them wanting creators to have a good time, meet other creators and learn more about Sony cameras.
It was like an absolute yes for me.
And then, leading up to the event, I started getting crazy imposter syndrome, mainly because they sent this email and they were talking about like yeah, we're going to have all the Sony gear here.
Have your best video ideas ready.
And I was like, oh my God.
And I completely felt like a fraud.
Because in my mind, I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't even know how to use a lot of the gear.
But luckily my friend Katie, I texted her and I was like, I'm feeling very imposter syndrome-y.
I don't know anything about cameras.
And she's like don't worry girl.
This year they're inviting lifestyle creators and creators in different niches because they want to show that the average creator would know how to use them.
And that made me feel infinitely so much better.
And so leading up to the event, I was like, it's not that I'm not good enough.
For using Sony cameras.
If I can't figure out a camera and if I can't figure out any of the things that are going on at this event, then Sony cameras are not good enough for me.
And I think that's kind of the energy that I've been playing in, because I'm so hypercritical of myself and it's getting to the point where I'm like okay, something needs to change.
And rather than me entering a room and thinking, are people going to like me?
What if they don't like me?
Will I be liked?
I now enter a room and I'm trying to reframe that thinking of like, do I like them?
How do I feel about this?
What do I think?
And really think of myself like highly and being like, I deserve to be here.
And I have a lot of value to offer.
And I talked about that in my previous video where I talked about how social media made me feel kind of worthless.
And I had to go through this whole exercise and I'm still on that journey of increasing my self-worth.
And so now when I go to an event, I really have to consciously try hard to hype myself up.
And to mentally prepare for that event, being like, I deserve to be here.
And rather than worrying about what other people are thinking of me, I'm just worrying about my day itself.
And that's made a world of difference.
I want to tell you this story because I think a lot of people don't expect me to be quite shy and don't expect me to be an introvert.
And I became even more of an introvert because of my sabbatical.
When I took 12 months off of social media, off of my business, I really didn't talk to anyone.
And so when I came back to social media, the idea of even conversing with someone Just like stressed me out so much.
Like when you are hermiting for so long and you're like introverting for so long, it's kind of hard to get back out there and get back into the groove of things.
And especially when you're going through a career transition where you don't really know who you are, what your identity is.
Like when you're in a period of questioning your identity, it becomes even harder to want to meet people, because a lot of times we think I don't want to meet anyone until I have my shit together.
And until I know how to introduce myself properly.
And so when I came back, naturally, I have a lot of anxiety even thinking about networking events.
So I avoided it for a while.
My mentor talked to me about this, because I remember also coming back and avoiding a lot of things like I don't want to hire a team ever.
I don't want to go to an event ever.
I don't want to be a mastermind ever.
I don't want to.
I was like basically banning a lot of things.
What I learned from my mentor, because he called me out on my shit.
He was like do you think that in your lifetime you were never going to work with another team member again?
Do you think in your lifetime you're never going to run and manage a team again?
And behind the scenes.
At the same time, me and my fiance Leon, we're actually building another business.
Of course, in the future, I'm going to have to run a team and lead.
And so by me avoiding not working with team members, not having people on my team, I'm never going to build the skill of leadership.
Just because you remove something from your life doesn't mean you actually build the skill to overcome it.
And that was almost the same with social media, where I took social media away from my life for a year.
I came back thinking oh, I can handle social media because, you know, I lived life without social media and now I know my boundaries.
But the moment I came back, it was so overwhelming for me.
And I went back to my old patterns because I actually never increased my capacity for social media.
And now this year I'm doing that.
Just because I removed social media from my life doesn't actually mean that I've learned how to handle social media in a healthy way and practice boundaries.
And so I see that concept the same with networking.
Just because I avoid going to events, I avoid speaking on a stage, I avoid being interviewed on someone's podcast, I will never overcome that fear of speaking.
I will never overcome that fear of rejection, because anytime you put yourself out there, you are opening yourself up for rejection.
And that's why a lot of people don't like networking events.
A lot of people don't want to be the first person that introducing themselves to someone.
The second thing too, is I recently went to my friend's 30th birthday, and there were a few people that I'm not close with but I'm acquaintances with.
Like we went to school together.
I like knew them from a long time ago and leading up to the event, i was like, oh my gosh, i'm gonna like put myself out there, i'm going to talk to everyone.
And the moment i got to her birthday, i literally just like sat in the corner with people that i knew and that i was comfortable with, and i did not say a single word to anyone else and i And I left that event feeling incredibly disappointed in myself, because I'm someone who's considering moving to a whole new city.
And so I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment.
Like how is it possible of me even making friends and doing all these things that I want to do in a new city if I can't even speak to people that I actually know?
And I was like, oh my gosh.
And so I started spiraling into a lot of shame and guilt.
And I started thinking that maybe I'm just an introvert, maybe this is my personality, maybe this isn't for me.
And so I told my mentor about this and he was like has anyone ever actually taught you how to socialize and build relationships with other people?
And I was like no, usually I just put myself in those situations and then I fend for myself and figure it out.
And then he was like all right, sorry for the jump scare, but I figured it'd be helpful for me to just show you the text.
This is me filming while editing the video you're watching now.
Anyways, let's go to the text.
And then he was like but in any profession or domain, do you think it would be hard to be effective if you've never been trained on something?
And I was like, yeah, it would be challenging.
And that's when he asked me do you think it's reasonable then, for someone to feel anxious and unsafe in those situations where they haven't equipped themselves?
And I was like, uh-huh, it's reasonable.
And then he asked me do you think that once you have the tools to deal with these environments that you're thrown into, that you would feel less anxious?
And I was like yes, if I had the tools and I had some sort of blueprint on how to handle these situations that give me anxiety, I probably wouldn't feel anxious anymore.
I had this aha moment where I realized that this isn't a personality trait.
This isn't the fact that I'm an introvert and this is just who I am.
This is just a skill that I lack.
And like any other skill in life, you can always improve and build upon it and be better.
You can always be better at editing videos.
You can always be better at drawing, at painting, at writing, at running, at working out, at speaking a language.
You just have to put the work in building that skill.
And so immediately after that, I went to Google and I searched the top books on making conversation networking communication, and before coming to this event, i read that book.
I wanted to share this with you because i think a lot of you who watch my videos are creators yourself, and creators are notoriously known for being extroverted online but very introverted in person, And I want to let you know that number one I also feel that same way, especially coming back from my sabbatical, where I didn't really talk to anyone for a whole year, and how uncomfortable even going to this event makes me feel.
But also I want you to know that these are things that can be improved on and that can be fixed.
There's even a quote in the book that says don't be fooled into thinking that all those people you see who are smiling and happily mingling come by naturally.
Most people have had to work at it.
They've practiced, attended seminars, hired coaches, read books.
The first step is to let go of the idea that we are all somehow supposed to know how to converse with strangers and acquaintances.
It's simply not true.
We are not taught how to do it.
The moment that I finished reading that simple book on small talk, I just read it on the plane.
I started chatting up my chauffeur.
I started chatting up my other Uber driver.
The moment I checked in, I saw a few creators.
I immediately chatted them up.
And it took conscious effort to actually do that.
But it's because I'm slowly learning the skill.
And, like anything that you learn in a course or a book or whatever, I started applying the things I learned.
Already, the event hasn't even started and I feel pretty good about it.
And not only this.
On the plane, I started literally listing out a bunch of combo starters that I could have with the creator.
I don't know if you guys can see it.
All this to say making conversation with other people and building connection and putting yourself out there.
You can choose to spend the rest of your life assuming that that's just something that you lack, that other people have.
They have, that it factor, but you don't.
And you can spend the rest of your life avoiding putting yourself in those situations.
But what you're actually doing is you're never learning to improve on that specific skill.
And sometimes you need to learn how to build your capacity up to do those things and to become the person that you want to become.
But anyways, that is my spiel of the day.
And, by the way, if you want more lessons from my experience of going to this event, then make sure you click the link in my description box and comment section below.
I wrote a full blown newsletter about it.
When it comes to something that I'm personally trying to overcome and what I'm doing about it,
And I hope that inspires you to do the same.
Anyways, do something fearless today and I will see you in my next video.
