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I just feel so excited for us, we are pregnant, we're having a baby, Boyz Suggs is having a baby, woo!
This was like the first thing that went off, I was like, oh, and now, what do we do?
This is the moment you've been waiting for, and now what?
I'm really glad that you were in a place in your life where you're able to share those highs with your friends, knowing that if there's a low that happened, you can also be in it with your friends.
Sometimes it's just like I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be like, Oh, you look different.
Always coming back to the present moment, and trying to be grateful and trying to be present, I think is a good way to address these comparing, insecurity thoughts.
Everything changed, but at the same time, nothing changed.
For me, it was hard not being able to share about it publicly.
I am so excited for this baby.
Ro is so excited for this baby.
I hope you guys are all so excited for this baby and this new chapter.
Welcome back to Voice Hugs, the podcast on being your best self and embracing all seasons of life with open arms. This is your host Vivian and Ro.
Hi, why were you Vivian, why am I Ro?
This is your host Viv and Romina.
That threw me off. Hi, everyone.
We have such a special episode for you today.
I am so excited for today's episode.
So, throughout our voice hugs journey, we have always shared our highs of highs and our lows of lows.
And today, we have something very, very exciting to celebrate.
What could it be? Someone's pregnant.
And it's not me It's not me either It's this guy Who could it be?
I'm just kidding. It's me Baby potato Baby potato Sharky sharky potato Yes, I mean, there's I don't know if anyone caught on but there's a reason I think Holding this when my pregnancy started was more of a comfort thing When we started filming in person, it's just, I don't know, it's nice to hold something.
And over time I was like, oh, I got to, I got to keep some things concealed.
But, um, as some of you may be able to tell, like if I really liked watching someone online, I would probably be able to tell.
And someone like a few of you have actually DM me asking, because I think you can tell.
Like my face. She has the pregnancy glow.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, so surprise surprise.
Bro has actually been pregnant all of season two from the first episode.
Yeah, if you noticed, the baby shark potato is always here and it was just so fitting because there's a baby shark potato in here and as you guys know on voice hugs, we love.
You're good. She just hit my mic.
Like, you're fine. We love babies on this podcast. Yeah, we do.
Now it's just more of a comfort thing.
But, yes, I think today, obviously there's a lot of exciting things to talk about.
The journey of becoming pregnant.
The start of motherhood.
But I think just to make things more relatable, because I know not everyone is.
Not everyone wants to be a mom, you know, like there are struggles that women go through in terms of, you know, even like trying to have kids and all of that.
So I think what we decided we want to focus more on for this episode is like the feelings that come up when you become with child.
When there's like a new change in your life, right?
Like your body is changing.
Everything around you is changing, your lifestyle is changing.
I think we can all relate to that in some way shape or form, you don't have to be pregnant to feel those feelings.
And so this was a secret, or obviously, right, like, it was a secret.
And so it feels very freeing to be able to talk about it and for you to be able to show up not like more authentically, but like you're able to talk about it now.
And with things being a secret, I'm sure there were parts of that experience that have felt isolating as well.
I think we even talked about this in a previous episode where as you get older your body just changes, right?
And so of course being with child pregnant, there are a lot of bodily changes that are happening.
So we can all definitely relate to that.
Yeah, I just feel so excited for us.
We are pregnant, we're having a baby.
Voice protecting baby.
Yeah and it is so cool to be able to watch your friend go through it.
Most of the time you don't spend consistent time with a pregnant friend But because we've been filming all of season two.
I've gotten to see the baby bump Yeah, it grow and like photos that you have from the doctor and I'm getting teary -eyed I definitely cried a few times just the first day the first time I told her she cried And then she touched my belly and she cried.
Yeah, this is before I had a belly and then another day We're just working, she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
I think you're so beautiful.
Bro, I think you're so beautiful.
Oh, my goodness. It's just so emotional for me.
Yeah, so with that being said, let's dive into your...
Should we start with...
Wait, before we dive into anything, I just want to reiterate everything that you just said.
And especially, I think, like for voice hugs, a huge part of our mission is to try to help people feel less alone, and less lonely in their journeys.
And I think motherhood could be, as you mentioned, one of like the more isolating and even lonely things, you know, or just like, trying to be on the journey of motherhood because there's so many things that could happen.
So we just Yeah, that's why we wanted to focus on this for the episode, because I'm going to be talking about my baby a lot now on my channel.
And yeah, that's also why I haven't been posting anything online because I'm like, I'm going through so many changes and I don't know where to start and where to pick up and I'm not just going to come back on YouTube and be like, I'm pregnant, so that's why it took some time.
But who was I gonna say, this is very real.
Now if I pause like this, you guys just know it's because I'm pregnant and my brain is literally processing.
But yeah. Let's start with just that.
When you're pregnant, typically you don't share that news with your loved ones like your family, your surroundings until second trimester.
That's a long time of you going through something where no one else really knows.
And I curious, when you found...
I curious. Did I say that?
I curious. When you found out that you were pregnant, what was I curious about?
Maybe pregnancy brain.
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Yeah, okay. When you found out that you were pregnant, when did you start telling people?
What was that decision in telling or not telling?
So the main reason why people wait until second trimester is that the chances of having a miscarriage in the first trimester is a lot higher.
that and so a lot of times you don't tell people are like culturally.
I think every culture has like different things like my mom even told me like don't tell anyone because I think you just want to be sure before.
I don't know you get other people excited or involved over the past few years or past decade even on social media maybe because we're all growing up like collectively on social media together.
I've personally seen a lot more awareness around like infant loss and things like that where I think a lot of people are becoming more open and vulnerable to share about their experiences and it's actually a very common thing right like it's very sad and unfortunate but it's more common than we think when I found out I was pregnant i called my mom right away I was like mom okay before that let's backtrack a little let's What did you tell your partner?
Okay, so the thing is, he actually found out before me.
Oh. Yeah, so we - He took the test and he was pregnant.
James is like, babe, I'm pregnant.
I had some nudes, oh my God.
Okay, no, sorry, no, no, no. So we have been trying for a few months.
This is like, I think our third month.
Before I got pregnant, we went to lunch every Friday at the same restaurant.
We came home from lunch and I think it was either the day before or the day my period supposed to come.
Both of us were like, hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
We don't need to know.
Right? Like, we can wait a few days to see if I really did miss my period and then test, but we came home and he was like, you want to try to take a test?
I was like, yeah, sure.
We took a test and then there's like the digital tests that are like fatter sticks that tell you pregnant not pregnant and then there's a digital version that just has a plus or minus and there's the strips that are probably the most prone to, it's the hardest to read.
So we had meant to grab a digital test that tells you plus or minus because we didn't want to waste a nice one that's pregnant, because the packaging, it looks the same outside.
When I opened it I was like, oh, it's a pregnant not pregnant one.
So it's like the most accurate, most clear thing.
pregnant. Yes, and so we're like, okay, whatever, I open it, let's just try.
And so I peed on the stick, put it on the counter, I was like, should I get my phone?
James was like, no, we already have so much footage of us being disappointed.
To record the reaction, Yeah, to record the reaction.
And I was like, not going to listen to him.
So I go out to get my phone and this all happened within a few minutes.
And then I just hear, and I'm like, what?
He's like, I'm not bad.
I mean, he didn't say it like that.
But he started in that in his own way.
So he found out before me.
Is that your impression of her?
He was like, oh. And so I run over and then I see on this day, I was like, oh my God, this is crazy.
And like I caught the end of our reaction.
Because like I didn't even have my phone.
But it's fine. It was like a nice it was like a very sweet moment between the two of us and then I call my mom Right away.
I'm just like mom Some news I was like I do Cuz she's like, I don't know like I love my mom but this woman she I think she's just like She just knows how to humble you and then I've been like, obviously I would tell her they're like, yeah We're trying she's like you think trying to have a kid is that easy?
I'm like, okay, mom.
Anyway, so then called my mom, just because I think I would want her to know when the two of us sat down.
We're obviously super excited.
We're relishing in this joy and we're just so, I don't know, hopeful for the future.
We sat down and were, okay, should we...
And then what? I think this was the first thing that went off.
I was like, oh, and then now what do we do?
Like, this is the moment you've been waiting for.
Right? And then now what?
Because I think it's the same thing with like you know when we're younger it's like you get to a good school and you go to the school and then you know you get good grades and you get the good grades and you get the job and you get the good job.
And then what? Right?
So I think it was kind of like one of those feelings where I was like oh and then what do we do now?
Like everything changed but at the same time nothing changed.
and so we decided to call our friends.
Like one of the husband just so happens to be a doctor and then my girlfriend just I think she she gave birth already, right?
or she was right about to give birth something like that.
We've already been talking and then they knew we were trying and I think they gave us a lot of their tests too or like all relationships and everything too.
And so we call them and they're like, congratulations is so exciting.
like here's what you can start thinking about and you know, these are the OBs that we go to you consider your first appointment But they don't usually see you until like week 8 or a week 10 ish So what week were you at when you found out?
I think 4. Oh wow! It was literally or maybe even 3 Because it was my period cycle is quite short It counts the weeks from the first day you missed your last it's weird Like it's by the time you find out you're already like 4 to 5 months pregnant if it's like pretty early on.
Yeah, yeah, sorry weeks, weeks.
By that time, I told my mom, I told like two of our closest friends.
I think both of us came to the same realization that people who are closest to us and people who we see on a weekly or monthly basis, be it like family, cousins, friends, we would tell them anyway, if something were to happen.
So might as well just tell them so that they can be a part of the celebration for me It was hard not being able to share about it publicly But in my day to day life, like I told you pretty early on Probably by like you're like week five.
Yeah, four Yeah, like you found out like super early I told my family by like week eight I think we're trying to wait but then we just like couldn't wait Yeah So that was just to kind of our thinking of I'm the type of person who would talk about it Anyway, if it was good news if it was bad news If it was anything in between Just because I feel like it could help people feel less alone and their experiences and the things that they go through So I just decided to tell people around me first and I think online I just I just haven't posted in so long I'm not just gonna also been like, oh we're expecting
up anything and I think publicly too It's also a whole different thing where I wouldn't mind if people knew, but I just wanted to be at the right time and, you know.
I think when changes like that happen in your life, there's a lot that you haven't processed yet.
The fact that everything has changed but nothing has changed, that is a big thing.
And so I think especially when you do put stuff online for us even with voice hugs, we like to kind of process things first before talking about it.
And I think that's just part of our personality.
Hi friends, it is Viv here.
I am currently editing this episode and I wanted to quickly hop in.
In the next part of the conversation, I talk about the feelings around a miscarriage, and as I'm listening back, I'm realizing that there's so much more that I want to say.
Specifically, I only mentioned the feeling of shame when there are so many more complex emotions that are involved in an experience like this such as sadness, guilt, anger, grief, even confusion.
I just want to make sure that we mention that the experience is nuanced and that we are not limiting it to the emotions that were mentioned in the conversation since this can be a sensitive topic for some of our listeners.
I thought it was important to clarify so with being said thank you for understanding and I hope you enjoy the rest of this episode.
What you said about sharing with the people who you would have already shared with?
When it comes to a miscarriage, I think there is a lot of shame that people feel when that happens.
Like there's a lot of blame and shame.
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
I could have I feel that shame is, it's a very isolating feeling already.
So, I'm really glad that you were, you are in a place in your life where you're able to share those highs with your friends, knowing that if there's a low that happens, you can also be in it with your friends.
And we can all relate to that.
When we hear good news, sometimes, I know for me, I'm like, oh, but when's the other, what is it?
When's the other shoe gonna drop?
So I don't want to say anything until I'm sure that that thing happens Let's say you find out that you're gonna get a promotion and you want to share it with your friends But then like what if last -minute you don't get the promotion You're trying to wait until you do get it and then you?
Yeah, and there then may be some shame in like what happened Or like why didn't you?
But at the end of the day like that is a very real experience that you are having which is you are pregnant And I think like on the receiving end being a friend it was really special to be able to be a part of that journey I'm so grateful and thankful that you know You've had a very healthy and like good pregnancy so far and that's not the case for everyone But even if things didn't pan out the way that it did I would have wanted to be there for you Yeah, I would have wanted to be there for you to better understand You know, like when you experience someone at their highs, you also can feel the pain if something
was to happen. You understand who they are as a person a lot more, like what something had meant to them.
And this is not just talking about pregnancy, but just in general.
So, yeah, being able to be there for someone, especially when the experience could be so isolating.
And I think one thing that you brought up about miscarriages, too, and something that I've heard a lot of women talking about, is like the self -blame and the body and you know being ashamed that like things aren't working and I think the amazing thing you know we have our thoughts about social media obviously the good and the bad and I think a really amazing part of it as i mentioned a bit earlier is that there's a lot more education around why it happens and for the most part it's actually because it's i'm not trying to point fingers here but it's mostly the guy and the sperm yeah like it's not healthy
or like there's something with that that like it's actually less about the women but like before historically not as many people talked about it and again this isn't to be like it's therefore it's not my fault blah blah blah but I think it's just the more that we can understand why something like this happens like obviously this isn't to take away from like the emotional and like all the feeling side of things but I feel like I also tried to, as a person as you guys can probably tell too, over the years like, I tried to be as rational as I can when it comes to some of these more like, sensitive
life things, especially with loss, right?
Like having gone through loss myself, there's things you can change, there's things you can't change.
Overall, like social media has been a net positive in this regard. Speaking of social media, I remember there was fashion week a few weeks or months back In September In September And I came over for a recording session You had kind of mentioned that all the girlies are getting dressed up and I don't even fit anything in my closet anymore Every time I came over, Ro would make a little comment about how her body is changing I would literally just say I'm fat Yes, and I'd remind her that she is growing a child.
And a huge part of our identity is how we look, how you feel in your body as well.
And with being pregnant and these changes happening so much faster, how were you dealing or like coping with those changes, especially in the context of seeing what other girlies were doing or living out their lives on the socials...
The interesting thing with Pregnancy is that like this is something you want or I'm afraid it for me It was something I wanted but then it was kind of going back to that moment of like, okay We found our pregnant and then what right I think like when you think about being pregnant, you know Your body will change, you know, you're growing a baby like, you know all of these things But when you actually go through it, it's kind of the word that just came up in my mind was shocking It's not shocking, but it's just, I don't know.
Even though I knew this was gonna happen, to actually live through it is a different experience.
I feel like I'm very lucky in that the people around me keep me really grounded, like Viv and James, who just, yeah, like, James reminds me every single day, no, you're so beautiful, you're literally growing a human inside you.
Don't worry. This is great.
You're healthy. And I'm like, yeah, you're right.
but I don't fit anything!
I literally went through my whole closet a few months ago to try on everything, maybe this is week 23, 24.
And I put away 90 % of my clothes.
And like I started getting new clothes that are like these pants that I'm wearing that's like very stretchy, and then I'm like sizing up to three sizes, I just, I don't know.
The grand scheme of things, I'm low key so glad that I became pregnant in my 30s, because if this happened in my 20s, especially like mid -20s, I don't think I would have — like, mentally, I wouldn't be at a healthy enough place in all aspects, but especially with body image.
So even though when I talk about my body changing and I'm physically growing and getting bigger, a part of it is half joking, but another part of it, do believe it.
But the amount of mind space that it takes up in my head actually isn't a lot.
You know sometimes it's just like i'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be like, oh you look different.
Like you didn't look like this a few months ago but then it's not something that I dwell on and I think that's the difference between 30s versus 20s because I think in my 20s I would have been like, oh my god this is strange.
Like this isn't okay.
You have to go on diet or I I don't know.
I don't know what I would've thought.
I think the goal always would still be to keep myself healthy and the baby healthy, but it just mentally, it would've been very turbulent waters.
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I think something happens as...
just as you get older, your body doesn't feel the same as it used to.
And I was just talking to one of my coworkers about this, how now that we're in our thirties, and I'm sure in our forties and fifties, health becomes something that you prioritize a little bit more because you realize your body doesn't function the same way as it used to.
Your metabolism slows down, your collagen is depleting.
All of that is happening and is going to continue to happen.
So, there is a sense of gratitude that I think both of us feel for our bodies now in a different way than what we would've felt earlier on.
Even though the feelings of, oh my gosh, I look in the mirror today and I look different today than I did yesterday, it's a little bit easier to ground ourselves in that gratitude of, you know what, I'm healthy, baby is healthy, my body is working for me because it's scary how fast health can decline.
And I think also as you get older, you see people around you who are older, you know, get even older, You realize that your your body is just something that it works for you Like like truly is there for you like without your body?
It's something that you we often take for granted One thing that I keep realizing time and time again is that we know ourselves best I see myself every single day whether you want to or not You're gonna catch a glimpse of yourself every single day So day by day, I can tell I've gained weight I you know, I look a little rounder or maybe there's like, you know a little more like my face is plumper But when I go out and when I meet people and especially it's like people who don't see me often They're like, you don't even look pregnant and I'm like, what do you mean?
I feel so pregnant But then I think when that happens or it's like if I go into an appointment and they're like what you're 20 weeks now?
You'd like, I need to buy whatever clothes you're wearing because I did not look like that when I was weak wherever you're at.
Right. And so I think those instances kind of gives me perspective of you're constantly just comparing yourself to yourself, especially in this specific regard, right?
Like, you're like, I'm literally the only one that's seeing my body change.
So even last night, James jokingly was like, you know, babe, I think we should go to like a pregnancy support group or something just so every time you go there, you can come back and be like, yeah, I have it so easy.
Or not, I have it so easy, but like after I go out and like experience these things in the real world, I always come back and tell him like, oh yeah, I feel so like perspective is so powerful.
And I think especially in this season, because you tend to be home a lot, because you tend to whether it's purposely or inadvertently like staying home and low key isolating, right.
Or like nesting. you're just with yourself.
I will say Ro is truly a homebody.
I feel like you can go weeks without leaving the home.
I can. Yeah, if you didn't have to.
And so this reminds me of an episode that we had with Lia Yoo where she was going through a dark time and it wasn't until she stepped out of her environment and kind of looked around and saw the palm trees and realized, whoa, I've kind of just been in my head for a long time.
And similar to what you were sharing in the previous episode too of we were thinking about ourselves a lot more than what anyone else is.
And so when you're constantly fixating on, oh this looks different, oh that looks different, it does something to you whereas when you go out and you're able to interact or hear someone else's perspective you're like, oh interesting I didn't see it that way.
It's so easy to snap out of it.
So yeah, getting out of and your environment really does help sometimes, but there's nothing wrong with being a homebody.
And you don't want to nest. You can stay home.
You know, that's fine too.
Just that it is helpful to interact with people occasionally.
And I think like going back to your first question, like this question, but the beginning part of it with the social media and the comparison and the FOMO with the girly skin at New York Fashion Week.
Staying home all the time, being on social media and seeing how other people are living is a recipe for disaster that we're all too familiar with.
And like it's inevitable, right?
That's my way of feeling plugged in enough to seek what my friends are doing and what other people are up to.
And I would say that again, when I said that, obviously you feel a certain way about something for you to verbalize it, even though if it's like half just an observation, half joking and then also maybe a third observation, a third joking, a third actually serious.
This is the interesting thing about the human experience where when I really set myself down And I'm like, but do you want to be there even if you weren't pregnant or even if you were pregnant, like given my current state, let's just for the, for the simplicity of this example, given my current state at that time being maybe like three, four months pregnant, would I want to go?
The answer is no. I was so tired.
Like Viv will come over to film some time.
I'm just, I'm just horizontal like, I'm so sorry.
I just, my brain, I can't, you know, like, I think I'm very lucky in that I didn't get as crazy of other symptoms, but I did need a lot of naps.
Even now, taking a step back of like seeing everyone, living their life, going through, you know, doing all these amazing experiences like a part of me is like, yeah, like, it would be nice to have that.
But at the same time, I think over time, and with your brain chemistry changing and hormones pumping into your body as you're growing a baby, it does help kind of like put things into perspective and also make you care less in that way about what other people are doing because you're just like, I just got to focus on my own health, I got to focus on baby's health.
If the next decade plus is going to be dedicating to raising this baby, what do I need to do and what do I need to change to make sure Make sure that this little potato has the best life that it possibly can.
I struggle with this because I always imagine if I have a kid and how I would take care and love my kid and protect my kid and in so many ways why is it so much easier for me to do that with an imaginary baby rather than doing it for myself?
What I want for my child, if I could just love myself in that way and take care of myself in that way, I would be feeling really loved and really cared for, you know?
And so I think even though with pregnancy it's easier to maybe shift your mind and be like, you know what, all of these thoughts are actually, they're just thoughts that are coming in and out.
what am I really focusing on?
And it is, you know, my body, my health, my baby." I think we can all relate to that in the sense that people are going to be living their lives and you're gonna see people live their lives.
At the end of the day, you are the only one living your life.
And what can you do to focus on yourself right now?
Your health, because health is number one.
Yeah, just be present because you're not gonna be in this body forever.
It's gonna change. It's gonna continue to change after birth, recovery, all of that.
Like maybe another kid.
And another one after that.
Yeah, like a lot of things can happen.
So always coming back to the present moment and trying to be grateful and trying to be present, I think is a good way to address these comparing insecurity thoughts.
and I hope now that you have this piece of context my gratitude solo episode where I talked about seeing the world sparkle again it just means so much more within this context everything that you just said about presence and being grateful for what we have I think truly that was a state that I reached this This journey is, I've been on a journey since moving home and moving in with James and going through all of these different transitions and now embarking on this like massive new transition of carrying a child and everything like it's a lot.
When I realized that I want to see the world sparkle again it really was this turning point where I just kept saying I realized but I realized that everything was happening for me to be able to rediscover this, like universal truth, presence and gratitude truly are one of the most magical things that we can practice and have for ourselves.
When I thought about a baby and like the life that I want the baby to have and the type of mother that I want to be.
I was like, I don't want to keep feeling like, like I don't want to sound ungrateful for being like, oh, like I moved back and then this happened and that had, like nothing really happened, right?
But I think I was just in a mood.
I was in this transitionary period that I didn't know what to call it because people just focus on, I'll give an analogy.
This is a book that I've been reading.
I think I told you about it already.
It's called Transformed by Birth.
It talks about how most parents who are pregnant and give birth, and it's not just like the mother, it's like the mother and the father, in the world that we live in that's like fast paced go go go, you don't really take time to cocoon.
When you go from a caterpillar to a butterfly, you need the cocooning period and the cocooning era where you go inward, you reflect, you prepare, but not like research prepare, like you mentally, spiritually, emotionally prepare for all the changes and all the transformations that's about to happen to you because it's not just the birthing part, it's like the becoming a parent part, is like a huge, huge thing that I don't know, like I feel like a lot of us don't, like because we live in this go -go -go world, we don't take enough time to take a step back and like really prepare ourselves in those
ways. And so the analogy that the author gave was most parents go from becoming a caterpillar and they try to skip the cocooning period and just strap on fake butterfly wings as a caterpillar to try to be like that beautiful butterfly, right?
but that defeats the whole purpose of the transformation, the metamorphosis, the cocooning of you literally shedding an old version of you to grow into a new version of you and I think this analogy is so beautiful because I think life is just a continual cycle of birthing and rebirthing of our identities the way that we see ourselves, the person that we are, how we want to show up, and all of that.
Now having lived the past year and a half, I can confidently say that was my cocooning era and I'm so grateful for that because had I not gone through that I would not be where I am today Obviously right like life happens for us for all of these beautiful reasons But when you're going through it and when you don't know why you're going through it and when you don't know how to categorize it Because I think like as humans we all put meaning into certain things and we are always constantly trying to make sense of things But sometimes it doesn't need to make sense But I think it's because I kept
trying to make sense of why am I like this, why am I not as productive, why am I blah blah blah like why do I not have the will or the drive or even like the desire to do half the things I used to do?
This is the reason because I had to have gone through that shedding, that turning inward process, that offline reflection era, so that I can come back as a beautiful butterfly!
And then we do it all over again.
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I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile .com slash switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only then full price plan options available taxes and fees extra the full terms at mint mobile .com yay I really like that analogy the strapping on fake wing.
Yeah also if you have not listened two row solo episode for those of you who are only on youtube there are four solo episodes that are audio only and so they're on spotify and apple and they're basically like little voicemails that viv and i she'll take an episode i'll take an episode and then it just goes back and forth yes in her episode seeing the world sparkle again as it always has it makes me think of I hear this a lot when you have a kid you're experiencing your child experiencing the world for the first time and you see that joy and that sparkle in their eyes.
Where oh my gosh, it's your first time trying a strawberry you know it's your first time feeling the wind or feeling the snow and I always talk about my dogs but I feel like I got to experience that like with my dogs as puppies realizing that you can experience that now.
How magical is it for you to be able to do that now before having kids because you're not I think in a lot of ways I mean this is just my perspective on parenthood and this is could be a whole other topic which it probably will be in the future but perhaps based on my experience a lot of times like can put their own things into their kids and wanting things for their kids when that's not necessarily like what the kid wants or...
Just like expectations.
Expectations but also feeling through the kid.
Oh yeah. You know, like, your kid's happiness is your happiness.
And so for me, I think being able, and in hearing you say all of that, being able to be in a place where you are able to feel present and grateful and know yourself, know your own transformation and your own journey so that if you decide to have kids and when you do have kids you're not putting that onto them and and you're not kind of scrambling around trying to figure out like what is all of this stuff that I haven't healed from because maybe before it was go go go or maybe before you just weren't really aware of those parts of you.
So, in general I think people in our generation, like Nick now, we're just a lot more aware of the healing that we have to do and not wanting to pass that on to the next generation and I think that contributes to people having kids later as well.
When I was in my twenties, I feel like I was still a kid.
I mean it you know, we could have we could have had kids then and it probably would be fine Everyone's life is just their own and you will learn and grow from your experience But just speaking from like where we are now and reflecting on who we were then I think it's really important and really cool that you were able to You know be in your cocoon area, area Especially seeing how go, go, go, you really were for those years in New York.
Coming back, I almost didn't recognize a part of you.
I was like, whoa, this is not the row I remember, but at the same time, I think that's what life is.
Yeah, I think especially for very career driven humans and women especially, this is something that we talked about in our societal expectations, 20s versus 30s.
Like, you really can't have it all just not at once.
And I think for me, one of the biggest things that this quote unquote break or like unintentional semi -break taught me was that I will be fine, period.
Like, no matter what happens, if I want to work, I can work.
I trust myself enough that if this career that I'm currently on or even this podcast, right?
We joke, but like, this is literally a labor of love.
If anyone's watching and wants to sponsor us, we would gladly we would gladly work with you, but it's been a labor of love and our own personal time and money invested into this.
Or even my YouTube channel.
If YouTube disappears, if Instagram disappears, regardless if that happens, I trust myself well enough that if I need to go out and help support this family, I will find a way, because I've found a way to make this career path work.
I can do it again. and even if it's gonna be really hard and even if it's gonna take a lot of time or whatever blood sweat and tears at least that part I know is possible and I can trust myself enough for that.
At the same time, as you said, having embarked on this more cocooning era, it did also help me shed a lot of past identities and things I used to...
I don't know, I just...
There's still things that I would like to do with my life, right?
With my career, with myself, with making fun things happen or starting businesses or all of that.
And this time of reflection and this slower period of my life helped me realize that I can still do all of that.
It doesn't mean that if you have a kid and started a family, you can't do anything.
And in this downtime, it also gave James and I a lot of time to reflect on the parents that we want to be, you know, like you really can't like I'm not gonna be like, yes, we're gonna make the kid fit into our lifestyle and we're going to start traveling with the kid as soon they're ready to travel because you really don't know until you birth the kid and see what type of temperament they have and what their personality is like what their preferences are and everything but I'm just very grateful that well first of all, A.
I have an amazing partner but also B that I don't know where I was going with the B.
Pregnancy bug. But actually um no I'm just I'm I'm really grateful I get to share in this experience with him and I know that no matter what life throws our way, we will be able to, like first of all, I will be able to handle it, but I also know he will be able to handle it and together we will be able to handle it.
And I think that trust in yourself, that trust in your partner is so fundamental because our life is gonna change and it's gonna be a wild ride and it's just gonna keep going.
I think that was one thing that I became so aware of, maybe like 20 weeks in, or maybe, I don't even know when like it, I don't think it still fully hit me that I'm pregnant and I'm having a kid, but there's like little benchmarks along the way where I was just like, my belly's just gonna keep getting bigger and bigger, and then one day I'm gonna give birth.
And then for the rest of my life, like this thing, this person, this baby, will grow from an infant to a toddler, to a little kid, to like a full grown adult.
It all goes well, right?
and then, this thing will just be my responsibility for the rest of my life.
And even if I want to take a break, like there's no breaks, like you can't pause, right?
You can't pause the pregnancy.
You can't pause birth.
You can't pause being a mom.
Time doesn't stop. And so I think that was like one of the first things that I was like, oh, interesting.
Oh, wow, like this is - Life is moving.
And this is very permanent.
I think that's another thing.
Like it's such a permanent irreversible decision.
Cause like there's this thing with like reversible and irreversible decisions.
This is irreversible.
Yeah. So anyway, I think I'm just, all of that in a nutshell is, I'm glad I had this time.
I just hoped to reconnect with myself and reground myself before this crazy ride.
that we are all so excited to be on.
Actually, I'm so excited to be on.
I'm so excited. She might be more excited than I am.
I can't wait to eat your baby.
I'm in a cute aggression not actually eat her baby.
No, I think I'm so glad that you were able to get to this place.
I don't think it always happens and I don't think it's easy either.
I think especially for people who are go, go, go, when you are in this era or season where things are just slow, like it's not moving, you feel stuck, it's really, really uncomfortable.
It feels like you're wasting time and a lot of people can relate to that.
I think when we're in that slow season, we don't wanna be in it.
Like, why aren't I doing these things?
Why am I ungrateful?
Why aren't I doing more?
Why aren't I doing more?
I did it before I couldn't do it now.
You know, why am I not as motivated or determined what happened to that energy?
Who am I even now? It's like this identity crisis, right?
Like you used to identify with this version of yourself and that part is shedding and you are cocooning so that you can transform to a beautiful butterfly.
I like the Bug's life.
Yeah. He is such a cute little caterpillar with the chubby caterpillars.
That is, yeah, that is us.
So yeah, you are in a slower season and you know, you feel stuck I think it's important to just realize or try to take a step back and be present in that and Again, Rose episode is great for some inspiration of trying to be present and grateful because life will keep going your baby is gonna keep growing and if you don't practice that muscle of of bringing yourself to the present moment and keeping your mind in the here and now, it's gonna be even harder when life is changing and you are on a rollercoaster and there is a lot that's gonna happen, whether it's your choice or not at that point.
And one huge realization that I had while reading this book, I haven't finished yet so I don't, I think I just, from what I've got out of it so far, I would recommend it of all like the birthing books that I've read, because I'm hoping to try a more natural approach to birth, but we can spend a whole another episode on that.
The book also talks about how to prepare yourself for birth and also for parenthood.
And the central theme thus far is just to not have, not be attached to a certain result.
So that's why I'm, even the way that I'm saying, it's like, I will like to have a natural birth, but if anything happens, I'm not attached to, Like the just the baby just comes out Like I just want the baby to be healthy and like whatever happens like I'm okay For anything to happen like it doesn't need to like I don't need like a natural birth like I'm not attached to it It's like letting go of control Exactly.
So yes, so that is the main theme of like the first However, many chapters that I've read up to so far is in this life in this go -go -go Humans need to know exactly what happens and in this like information age where Google's at our fingertips and now we have ChatGPT and all these AI prompts that we can ask questions and we'll get all these answers.
In this like digitalized data -driven world, it's very easy to want to have control and to be like I know exactly what's gonna happen when it's gonna happen but something like birth and parenthood is something you can try to prepare for but I'm not gonna say never goes according to plan but it very, very, very rarely goes according to plan.
Even the statistic of like, you know, you have a due date for your child, which is one specific date, but only like less than 5 % of babies are born on that date, right?
So like even that should be like, oh, interesting.
You know, like nature will take its course and do its thing.
So anyway, while I was reading, there's like little prompts.
I like, you should try this.
You know, you should try letting go.
For example, when you're driving, instead of road raging, if someone cuts you off, or if there's traffic, try to breathe through it, and like, try to practice mindfulness.
And when I was reading these things, I was just like, oh, interesting, like, I am so glad I spent the past decade working on myself, working on my mindfulness, and working on me being a better person, and learning about spirituality, practicing spirituality, you know, reading about, like, learning about letting go, and like actually actively practicing, like this art of letting go and like not trying to be as controlling or not needing to have everything perfect before like the next step can happen.
And so from that perspective, going off of what you're just saying, like, regardless, if you are having a kid or not, everything we do in life is preparing us for whatever will happen in the future.
Yeah. So no matter how you're feeling, no matter what you're going through right now, it is It is happening for us.
It is happening for our growth and for our improvement and for our betterment, even if while we're in the thick of it, it doesn't seem like it's not good.
It doesn't feel comfortable.
It's dark. It's damp.
It's cold. The sun will always come.
The sun will always shine.
According to - Every day, the sun comes out.
And the sound tail.
But that's another thing, right?
What we said in the last episode is the sun comes out every single day.
We just don't see it sometimes.
So whether it's, we try to seek it out a little more or whether it's, we just know that it's there and that there's hope and that we just keep trying day -to -day to do the best that we can with where we are.
And I think that's the most important thing, right?
Like if your best today is 5 % and you give 5%, that is amazing, right?
Especially if you're going through stuff, especially if you're pregnant and like that's all the energy can muster up.
So yeah, we're here for you.
We love you. We appreciate you.
And we're in this together.
And we're gonna, we're gonna parent the two together.
You guys we're having a baby.
How excited are we?
So excited. no yeah to just wrap up everything that you shared you know life is gonna happen regardless life is happening and as much as we want to control to feel that sense of stability and security to calm that anxiety whatever it might be at the end of the day there are a few things that you can actually do right now in the moment and that is practicing gratitude being present and trying to be in the here and now I think that those things are so hard that mindfulness is so hard but practicing that and applying it in all seasons of your life is gonna bring you to this place later on could be
tomorrow could be 10 years from now but I think those skills and that habit will ultimately help us live a more peaceful content at ease life.
It's easy to be like, you're present, practice gratitude.
But if we can really take five minutes out of our day to be like, wow, I'm so grateful that I'm alive.
I'm so grateful that I'm breathing.
I'm so grateful. I get to experience this conversation through whatever medium platform device that you're experiencing this on.
I'm so grateful that the sun's shining or that it will tomorrow or the day after It can be like the simplest things of like your warm cup of water or your ice cold coffee in the mornings Like no matter what it is Just five minutes five minutes.
Give it a try Yeah, yes, I am so excited for this, baby.
Ro is so excited for this, baby I hope you guys are all so excited for this baby and this new chapter.
As Rose shared, we are all in this together.
If you have enjoyed our episodes, if you have been a day one, any, any, anyone, if you - If this is your first episode, that's also fine.
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so um yeah if you guys, yeah so um please help support us in any way you can, it really does go a long way with that being said sending you all the biggest voice hug wherever you are all around the world Voice hugs!
With Potato! Bye! Bye bye!
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