Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
What if the decision that you made to hit play on this episode is a sign that things are getting better right now?
Because that's how good this conversation is going to be.
Today, I have seven reminders that I'm going to share with you that are exactly what you need to hear right now.
These reminders are so powerful.
I'm going to call them wake the hell up reminders, because they reconnect you to the strongest clearest, most capable version of you.
So good job.
You knew that you needed to hear these seven reminders today, and they are going to strike at the core of who you are.
And I know this because every time I say them to myself, I'm like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, that's right.
And every time I've ever shared these seven reminders online, You go nuts.
You write to me from all corners of the planet over and over again saying oh my gosh, I needed to be reminded of this today.
Because these reminders, they don't just soothe you or pat you on the head.
They activate you.
They snap you back into reality.
They take you from that state of, I can't deal with this to, okay, I'm back.
These powerful reminders wake you up to what you already know.
You have power.
You have confidence.
You have a spark inside you that is just waiting to be lit up.
And today, I'm bringing the matches.
So listen up, because these seven reminders are how you take your power back.
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
I am fired up that you are here today.
It is such an honor to be together.
It's an honor to spend this time with you.
If you're a new listener or you're here because somebody shared this with you.
I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.
Today, I am sharing seven powerful reminders that will snap you out of your funk and put you back in charge of your life.
I know that's what you're here for and you're going to get it today, because these powerful reminders, they act like emotional jumper cables that jolt you back to life.
And today is going to be one of those days where the jumper cables are.
They have some four-letter words in them, okay.
So if you got little ears around you, you might want to listen to this when they're not around.
And now that you've been warned, how about we get into those seven powerful sentences, okay?
Because here's what they're going to do.
These seven powerful reminders stop the anxiety spiral.
They shut down your bullshit stories and they reconnect you with that version of you who can handle your life.
Because can we be honest as friends here?
Things feel kind of heavy right now.
The headlines are dark and that's putting it mildly.
People in your life are struggling.
You may be too.
You're exhausted.
Everyone and everything is overwhelming.
And every once in a while, you know what you need?
You need that friend who's like, fuck that shit.
Yeah, life is hard.
And you know what?
You're still powerful.
Don't forget it.
And today, that friend is me, Mel Robbins.
And let's start with a quote that I love.
This is a quote that I come back to over and over and over again.
It's from Alice Walker, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist.
She wrote this incredible line.
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
Just let that sit for a minute.
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
I want you to consider.
The main way that you feel powerless is by forgetting that you have power to begin with.
You don't pick yourself back up when you feel like you can't.
You don't give yourself credit when you don't believe you deserve any.
You're trying to tiptoe around everyone else, which is why you feel like a doormat.
Well today, you and I, we're not tossing a cute little pebble into a compound, so we can gaze at the ripples that it makes.
We have conversations like that that are all about the ripples of positive change, but that's not what we're doing today.
Today, you and I are gonna shake shit up.
We're gonna smash a big boulder into that placid lake that is freezing you to death.
We're gonna create some waves that rock your boat and make you remember how strong you really are.
These seven powerful reminders are going to help you focus on what's in your control.
They change the settings of your mind, which changes the way you see the world.
And they're going to help you give yourself credit because credit is good. do.
It is time to pay that bill for yourself.
I mean, right now you're so focused on harping on the stuff that's going wrong.
You're seeing all the negative and look.
Your mind is designed that when you tell it to look for the negative, it's going to show it to you.
But here's the problem.
You don't even see what's going right.
You don't give yourself credit for how hard you're trying.
You're not even counting the things that you are doing in this dumpster fire of a moment in history that we're living in.
So someone's got to tell you the good news.
Someone's got to remind you of the things that are going well.
Somebody's got to help you change the settings in your mind so you can remember who the hell you are.
And that somebody is your friend, Mel Robbins.
And before we jump into these seven reminders, I kind of have an eighth reminder that I want to sneak in, in case you're you've missed this okay.
And if you miss this, don't beat yourself up, because here I am reminding you that I have a gift for you.
I have a gift that is a thank you for making the Mel Robbins podcast the number one followed podcast in the world in 2025.
For making us the third largest show in the world according to Spotify and Apple in 2025.
What is this gift that I want to remind you of?
Oh, it's a free 20-page workbook that my team and I designed that will walk you step by step through six questions that help you get clear, that focus you on what matters and helps you create a plan to make next year one of the best years of your life.
And one of the coolest things about this workbook is it's free.
You just go to melrobbins.com slash bestyear.
You can get the link in the show notes along with all the other resources we're going to talk about.
And when you go to melrobbins.com slash bestyear, it's free to you.
You can download it, print it out.
You can share it with your friends and family.
You'll also find a link to a podcast episode that I did that walks you through the process of going through this workbook step by step.
I go through and answer the six questions with you you.
So you're not doing it alone because that's what friends do.
We support each other in getting clear.
We support each other in defining our goals and we support each other in creating the best year of our lives.
All right.
So that's a little bonus reminder that this free gift is there.
Why wouldn't you take advantage of this?
I mean, it's free.
You deserve to have the best year of your life.
It's not going to happen by accident.
It will happen on purpose.
So we got our bonus reminder out of the way.
You know you're going to go download this workbook.
You're going to listen to the episode.
You're going to go plan the best year of your life.
And the Mel Robbins podcast is going to be there like a good friend twice a week with episodes that will keep you encouraged and keep you on track and show you all the research-backed tools and strategies you can use to make next year the best year of your life.
Once you know what that looks like.
Are you ready to jump into these seven powerful reminders?
Of course you are.
Let's start with one of the best phrases I know first.
You can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to fuck off when needed.
It's called boundaries.
God, I love that one.
Don't you love that reminder that you can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to fuck off when you need to?
I love that.
I mean, put this one on a t-shirt.
Open up an Etsy store.
Just go crazy.
Tap to it on your wrist.
Make it your screensaver.
Because I'm just going to speak for myself.
I used to confuse kindness with being a human doormat.
Maybe you do too.
Or maybe you know somebody like this where you're like, could you please stop letting everybody walk all over you?
You can still be a nice person and tell people to fuck off every once in a while.
The mistake I was making is you think being kind means saying yes to everything.
You think being kind means everyone else has to be happy, even though you're miserable.
And that's why you're like, yes, yes, no problem.
I can cover your shift.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, I can host the team potluck dinner for the third weekend in a row.
Oh, sure.
I can volunteer yet again at the school.
Oh, I can help you move. your entire apartment on my only free Saturday this month.
Every time your kid texts you and they word vomit on you.
It's like you're the human blankie and they just barf it all out on you.
But oh, to dad, they don't do that to him.
You, you're the emotional punching bag.
I want you to hear this phrase again.
You can be a kind person with a really good heart and still tell people to fuck off when you need to.
It's called boundaries.
And the interesting thing about boundaries is boundaries are not what you say to other people.
Boundaries are what you say to yourself that hey, I can be a kind person with a good heart and say no to people.
And I need to start saying no to people.
I need to start saying fuck off when people ask me to do stuff and then they give me a guilt trip.
That's boundaries I need with myself.
And I want you to say this reminder to yourself.
Every time you get asked to do something that you just don't have the energy to do.
Isn't it interesting that when you're kind to everybody else, you're often horrible to yourself?
But being kind to yourself means a lot of times you got to be horrible to everybody else and disappoint them.
So I have this friend who drops everything.
I mean, everything.
If I ever needed somebody to do something absolutely just irrational Like, could you come over on Christmas or, you know, on the afternoon of your wedding and help me clean out the garage?
This friend of mine was like, of course, of course I would do that.
I mean, if her mom needs a prescription picked up, you know, she's leaving work early.
Her mom doesn't even need it tonight.
She's leaving work early.
If her dad needs help with paperwork.
Oh, she's canceling her plans for the weekend to go see friends that she hasn't seen in six months.
If her brother forgets to take.
You know how brothers they forget to take their parents to the doctor again.
She jumps in because someone has to.
That's not kindness.
That's how you become a tired, resentful shell of a person, the kind of person who is so kind.
But now you're snapping at the dog or you're crying in the front seat of your car because you're so overwhelmed.
One of the reasons why you're feeling this way is because you don't have boundaries.
And the reason you don't have boundaries is because you're afraid.
You're afraid other people won't like you.
See, it's not about kindness.
You're being kind because you want people to like you.
Just let that set in for a minute.
It's more important that people like you than you truly like yourself and how you're treating both by other people and by yourself.
You're afraid of your mom's disappointment.
You're afraid to let people down.
You're afraid your dad can't go two hours without you fixing it for him.
You're afraid your friend is going to be mad if you don't text them back immediately, if you're not on call for everybody.
You're afraid your brother is going to fail, or who's going to help him if you stop cleaning up the messes he continues to make of his life?
Hear me loud and clear.
Other people's emergencies are not your priority.
Hear me loud and clear.
You get to choose what's important.
You get to choose what order you do things in.
And right now, I want you to stop and consider something.
You've allowed everyone else's urgent stuff and emergencies that were created because they're not responsible for their own life to suddenly become the top of your to-do list.
What are you doing?
You don't even stop to ask yourself, is this even something I need to do right now?
And I don't mean to make you wrong, because if you're like this, you were probably trained to be like this when you were very little, that it was up to you that you had to take care of everyone, that you were the oldest kid in the house, so you got to take care of your siblings, or mom and dad aren't around, so you got to be the one that's in charge of everything.
But I need to tell you, this is not okay.
This is not going to make you happy.
This reminder that you could be a kind person.
You can have a good heart and still say fuck you man.
You made the mess.
You need to clean it up yourself.
You can say, no, I can't pick up this prescription until this weekend.
You know, Walgreens does have a delivery service, mom.
We can set that up for you and I can set it up this weekend.
And this reminder is not saying just be an asshole to people.
It's saying setting a boundary isn't mean.
Setting a boundary is self-respect.
Want to say this so clearly that you do not miss the power of this reminder.
You can say no.
You're allowed to rest.
Your priorities are important.
You can and should take up space.
You need to protect your peace.
You don't need permission to do that.
Instead of spinning in guilt when someone asks for one more tiny little favor, could you just do this on your way home?
I want you to pause.
And then I want you to say, I'd love to help.
And I can't take anything else on right now.
Just can't.
I hear you.
I don't have the bandwidth for that.
Or simply, no.
No is a complete sentence.
I don't know who said that for the first time, but I love it.
No.
And then I want you to remind yourself I can be a kind person with a good heart and I can still tell people no.
I can even tell people to fuck off when I need to.
It's called boundaries.
And what I love about this sentence is it helps you remember the truth.
You are a good person.
You do have a good heart.
And good-hearted people are absolutely allowed to say, not today. not for me, not gonna work.
And yes, occasionally, please fuck off with love, of course.
Okay, I love that reminder, don't you?
You ready for the second powerful reminder?
I'm sure you're nodding along going, oh my God, thank God I hit play on this thing right now.
Because you need to hear this second reminder just as much as you needed to hear the first one.
You ready?
Good, here it is.
The best thing a therapist ever told me is, you're not lazy.
You only have a certain amount of energy right now and you're using it all to survive.
I'm going to say that again.
You're not lazy.
You only have a certain amount of energy right now and you're using all of it to survive.
Let's unpack this one because it is so true.
And I think it's particularly true given the moment that we are living in right now.
You have so much on your plate.
You are doing it all.
You're doing a great job handling everything that's coming at you.
And it's a lot.
I think it's a mentally healthy response to the moment we're living in right now to feel overwhelmed, to feel like it takes everything in you to just get through the day.
I know I feel like that more days than not.
Holy cow.
Let's just take a moment and be honest about what it's like today right now.
And when you're exhausted, Does your brain say to you, oh, honey, you're doing such a good job.
You are just doing everything the emails and the video calls and the housework and the cooking and the caring for people and the texting people back.
And my God, you got out of bed and you got dressed and you took care of the pets.
And you are just a rock star who is making it through a really overwhelming moment in history.
You must be so worn out.
How about you rest a little bit?
How about you put your feet up?
How about you take it easy?
Because boy, oh boy, are you doing so much.
Does your brain say that?
No.
What is wrong with our brains?
At least there's something wrong with mine.
Maybe your brain is saying the same thing mine is saying.
It's like, oh my God, you're behind.
You got to get to that text.
You didn't do enough.
Why are you sitting down?
Now you're scrolling and doom scrolling.
Now you should be doing more.
You should have gotten to this.
You should be doing that.
You forgot this thing.
You didn't get to that thing.
This person's going to be disappointed.
What is up with our brains?
I mean, that voice is so convincing that you assume the beatdown.
It must be the truth.
You assume there must be something wrong with you if, at the end of the day, you just want to collapse like a heap because you've already done so much that you have no gas left in the tank for yourself.
So you just assume oh, this is the truth.
But it's not the criticism.
This kind of relentless drive to do more, It's just the loudest thing that you think in the moment.
In fact, there's some really interesting research that's going to help you in a moment like this.
This comes from Dr. Aditi Narukar.
Dr Aditi Narukar is a Harvard medical doctor, a researcher, a world-renowned expert in stress and public health.
She's a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and she was the medical director at Harvard's Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital's Integrative Medicine Program, where she developed this enormous clinical practice in stress management, using evidence-based integrative approaches to help her patients feel better.
And she's been on this podcast four times.
She's that brilliant, that helpful.
And here's what she told me.
She told me that when you're stressed out or tired, all of your negative thoughts get turned up.
So if your mind is crushing you right now with criticism, it's a sign that you are likely in a stress response in your brain.
In fact, I want to read to you from the Let Them Theory, because there's a huge section in the book on using Let Them and Let Me as tools to manage stress, to catch yourself when you're stressed out.
See Dr Aditi says.
I'm reading from page 59.
This is the chapter called Shocker.
Life is Stressful.
According to Dr. Aditi, stress causes you to check out this list of things.
Doubt yourself, procrastinate, burnout, doom scroll, and struggle with comparison.
If you're having trouble focusing, feeling happy, or taking care of yourself, the reason is stress.
Dr Aditi told me that if your inner critic is louder than ever, you're struggling with procrastination.
You're constantly tired, you can't stop scrolling on your phone or you have trouble disconnecting from work.
It's all due to stress.
She explained that stress is way bigger than just the tension you feel in your body.
It is a physiological state in your brain.
And it's important to understand because stress actively hijacks the functioning of your brain.
And so there's nothing wrong with you if you're feeling like you're in survival mode.
If you're feeling like you're in survival mode and your stress response is going because you have so much coming at you right now, this is the normal response that your body has to a life that's overwhelming.
That's why your self-criticism is getting louder and more convincing.
And that's exactly how a day where you're simply tired turns into a day where you judge yourself for being lazy or for not doing enough.
Be a little bit more compassionate with yourself, because when you hear it, I want you to think oh my gosh, it's true.
I'm using every ounce of energy that I have just to make it through the day.
I'm actually doing the best that I can with what I've got.
And that reminder becomes a realization of the truth.
And isn't that a relief?
Notice how, when you recognize that you're using everything you got just to get through the day at a very overwhelming moment in time, notice how the guilt just kind of fades away.
You start to see what's really going on in your life.
The problem isn't your work ethic.
It's just that you have too much coming at you.
That's why you're tired.
Dr. Aditi explains it all in the Let Them Theory in great detail.
Your brain shifts from functioning at a strategic and proactive level into survival mode.
And survival mode is when you're in complete reactive mode.
It's not designed for you to be productive, creative or for you to plow through to-do lists and still be present with your family.
It's designed for one thing.
When you're stressed out and you're in survival mode, your body just clicks into a mode to help you get through the day.
So if you feel tired.
Of course you can't concentrate.
Of course everything feels harder.
That's not laziness.
It's biology.
And I want to add this to it because I love this one too.
This is from Jim Quick, who is a brain coach and a New York Times bestselling author.
I once heard him say if you only have 40 to give today and you give all 40, You just gave 100 of what you have to give.
If you have one of those days where you only have 20 to give.
You're taking care of little kids or aging parents.
Work deadlines are racking up.
The news is just terrifying.
Somebody in your life is struggling.
You're stressed about money.
You only got 20 to give and you give all 20.
You know what you just did?
You not only gave 100%, in my mind, you deserve a gold medal. because you still showed up.
So hear me loud and clear as your friend.
If you're given 30 15 70, whatever's in the tank, you give all that, then calling yourself lazy on top of it.
That's like torture.
That's not fair.
It's not even accurate.
You should be calling yourself a superstar because you gave 100%.
Plus, when you're hard on yourself, when you criticize yourself, when you constantly say I'm not doing enough, just stop and ask yourself this
Does criticizing myself help me feel better?
No.
Does it help me focus?
No.
Does it help me feel inspired or motivated to achieve my goals or get through my to-do list?
No.
Do you think that the secret formula to motivation is beating yourself up while you're already giving 100 of what you have to give as you're just trying to get through the day?
Of course not.
Of course not.
And I'm not asking you these questions to try to be a smarty pants here.
I'm asking you these questions because I'm tired of you beating yourself up.
I want you to give yourself more credit because you are working as hard as you can.
You are throwing in everything that you've got at a impossible list of things to do.
How dare you talk to yourself like you're not doing that?
I will not allow it.
I will not allow you to do that to yourself.
Because that's what a good friend does.
A good friend calls you out on your bullshit, and it is bullshit when you're beating yourself up at a moment in time where you're just trying to survive, and you're doing a damn fine job of surviving, I might add.
You know, give yourself a little bit more credit because you have earned it.
I want you to just look at your life.
Pretend that you are just one of your friends and you take a look at all the things you're dealing with right now.
The bills you have to pay, the things you need to schedule the doctor's appointments.
You still have to call and sort out the things you need to do for your family, for your parents, the stuff around the house that you take care of, the pets that continue to get fed, the number of friends that you stay.
Holy smokes, what are you like?
An Olympic athlete in life?
This is unbelievable.
Stop attacking yourself.
And remember this, you're not lazy.
You only have a certain amount of energy right now and you're using all of it to survive, which makes you smart, because you know that there's an impossible amount of things to do, and you're smart enough to know you got to throw your energy at it so you can get through the day.
And when you get through the day, here's what I want you to make space for.
Not criticism.
Compassion.
Make space for what you need most.
You need rest.
Real rest.
This reminder tells you that the most responsible thing you can do when you're exhausted, when you're depleted, when you're given 100 to get through the day, the most responsible thing that you could do is to stop judging yourself and give your body the recovery it's begging for.
So take a break.
And how about you repeat this powerful reminder?
The best thing a therapist ever told me is, you're not lazy.
You only have a certain amount of energy right now, and you're using all of it to survive.
I am.
I'm not lazy.
You're right.
I only do have a certain amount of energy.
And pretty cool that I'm giving all of it to getting through the day and doing the best that I can.
And then, once I have a little bit more compassion, once I see with clear eyes and truth, I can move to a place of strength.
I can move into giving myself what I deserve, which isn't criticism.
It's a nice comfy couch where I can lay down and rest.
Oh, I love that reminder.
You're ready for reminder number three?
Ooh, I love this one.
In fact, this is not just a reminder.
For me, this is a way of life.
This is how I go through life.
And it's one of those reminders that is easy to forget.
And that's why I wanted to share it with you today.
Because it has this incredible what you give is also what you get power to it.
That you'll understand as soon as I share this powerful reminder with you.
And here it is.
You know who's going through a tough time right now? everyone.
Be kind.
I feel like I just heard absolutely every single one of you who is listening right now in 194 countries go.
It's so true.
Oh my gosh.
You know who's going through a tough time right now?
Everyone.
Be kind.
I want you to notice what just happened in your body when I said that.
Maybe your shoulders dropped.
Maybe your face softened.
Your jaw unclenched.
The reason why that happened is because this third reminder is something you and I forget too often.
Every single person you run into is carrying something that you can't see.
The woman checking out in front of you at the grocery store, something's weighing on her.
Something's on her mind.
There's someone in her life that she is so worried about right now.
The driver with road rage, something's definitely hurting them.
They're really struggling with something if they're taking it out on strangers on the highway.
The coworker who's quiet and withdrawn, absolutely there's something keeping them up at night.
Even the person in your family who's dismissive, passive-aggressive, or just rude.
Underneath the surface, there is a lot of pain.
And you're carrying something too.
Maybe you're struggling financially right now.
You're worried about your job.
One of your adult kids is spiraling from a breakup or anxiety.
Maybe you're scared about money or your health, or your parents, who are getting older, or your future.
I mean, you're going through a lot too.
And I want you to know something.
I know that.
I see you.
And that's why I am giving you this reminder.
You know who's going through a tough time right now?
Everyone.
Be kind.
And here's why I feel like this has this sort of interesting effect of not only helping you soften, but it gives you something in return that's very powerful when you soften towards everyone else.
You stop feeling so alone in your problems.
You also stop feeling like the ways in which people treat you is somehow personal.
You stop feeling like the universe is singularly picking on you right now.
And you recognize that people, especially the challenging people, especially the rude people, the people who are withdrawn and yes, even the people that have a smile on their face, they're going through something right now.
Everyone's exhausted.
Everyone's overwhelmed.
Everyone's doing their best with something heavy on their heart.
Everyone's got problems because everyone is human.
And here's the really powerful part.
When you can still be kind in the middle of your own struggles, you prove something extraordinary to yourself.
You prove that, yeah, life is hard right now, but it has not taken my heart.
It has not taken my values.
And it has not taken me.
I can still be kind.
I can still have compassion.
And you might feel like you got nothing left for yourself.
But the moment you hold the door for someone with a bag of groceries or you compliment the cashier's nails or you tell somebody hey, I love your socks, you're sending yourself a signal.
You're waking up and saying despite all the problems and the things that are weighing me down, I'm still me.
I still care.
I still have something to give.
I am still a person that can make a difference and send positive waves.
And you want to know how this works with reminder number one.
Remember, that was the one that you can be kind and you have a good heart.
You can still tell people no and F off sometimes because it's boundaries.
What I have found is, the more I double down on compassion, the more I remind myself other people are going through a lot right now.
I don't need to be scared of them.
I don't need to manage their emotions.
I don't need to worry about disappointing them.
I can show up with compassion and be kind and I can still say no, because you can have boundaries and still have compassion.
And the more I anchor myself there, the easier it is It is to draw boundaries.
Because it's in the understanding that everybody's going through a lot right now that I create the space for somebody to have an emotional reaction.
I create the space for somebody to be disappointed or upset when I say no.
And that's okay.
You want to know why?
Reminder number three.
You know who's going through a tough time right now?
Everyone.
Be kind.
Now, I didn't say say yes to everything.
I just said, be kind.
Be kind to them and be kind to yourself.
And when somebody is upset, or somebody's emotionally immature or somebody reacts a certain way, when you say no or you don't do exactly what they expected you to do, you know who's going through a tough time right now.
Everyone.
Be kind.
So you can say, I'm sorry that you feel that way.
And I still don't have the capacity to do it.
It's really magical because there are two things happening at once.
First, it makes you see that everyone has this burden that they're carrying.
And second, it pulls you back into your own strength and humanity, instead of you dropping into bitterness and resentment and overextending yourself.
Because underneath all the noise and the busyness and the misunderstandings, we're all just people.
We all have people in our life that we care about who are struggling.
We all have things that are weighing us down in our mind.
We all have issues going on in the world that really trouble us.
You and I and everyone else that you're going to bump into, they're just trying.
You and I and everyone else has areas of our life where we're in pain or we're hurting.
You and I and everyone else are on some journey of healing.
We're hoping.
We have dreams that, you know, we can never find the time to pursue.
And kindness, kindness is the glue that can hold us together.
And this is the reminder.
You know who's going through a tough time right now?
Everyone.
Be kind.
It reminds you and me that we're the glue.
I love this reminder.
Alrighty, that's just the first three of these seven powerful reminders that you and I are gonna cover today.
I wanna hit pause right now before we jump into the next four.
You're gonna love the next four, so don't go anywhere, because I wanna remind you.
I wanna remind you to share this episode with people that you care about.
Everything we're talking about today is gonna support the people that you love in creating a better life.
These episodes are a gift that you can give to somebody else.
So thank you, thank you, thank you for texting it or emailing the link to this to people that you care about.
And please don't go anywhere.
We are coming back with the fourth powerful reminder.
You do not wanna miss this.
I will be waiting for you after this short break.
So stay with me.
Welcome back.
It's your friend, Mel Robbins.
I'm so excited that you're here with me.
We have covered three of the powerful reminders that you need to hear today.
And now we're jumping in to the fourth.
And the fourth powerful reminder, it's all about your mindset.
The first three, we're talking about your feelings.
But now we're going to jump into a reminder that helps you change the way you look at what's going on in your life.
And that fourth reminder is I'm not everything I want to be, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago.
And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
Ooh, don't you love that? freaking love that.
This reminder breaks into your brain.
It's like hey, you've been doing such a great job, just surviving and getting through the day, but I want you to take another look at yourself.
Because you're doing way better than you think.
And you've come a long way, baby.
You have experienced so many incredible things.
You have learned so much.
You have changed this powerful reminder.
I'm not everything I want to be yet.
But I am a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago.
And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
It reminds you of the belief I want you to understand.
You've been making progress this whole time.
You've outgrown people.
That's progress.
You've outgrown habits.
That's progress.
You've outgrown versions of yourself.
That's progress.
You've learned things.
Progress.
Survive things.
Progress.
Build things.
Creative things.
Progress.
You have the receipts.
You can prove it.
But you keep forgetting to look at the progress because you want things to feel perfect.
You're chasing that ta-da moment, you know, that inspires everyone to stand up and clap.
This reminder is saying, you're looking in the wrong place.
This reminder saying hey, you might not be at your final form yet, but you're also not the person who had no clue what they were doing two years ago.
That's a win.
Please count it.
And what I like about it is it shifts your belief from I'm not enough yet to the truth.
You're improving.
And that matters.
I want you to think back two years.
And just think, huh, what was going on in my life?
And if you can't remember, pull out your photos or social media and go back in time and you will immediately be jolted into that time machine and be like oh whoa.
When I think about two years ago, we had just gotten our studio space in Boston.
For the first year of this podcast.
We've been doing the Mel Robbins podcast for just over three years.
The first almost year to 18 months, we did this out of my house and on the road.
Wherever we were was where we were recording.
And about two years ago, my sister-in-law, She is the one that planted the seed.
She said, we have to have office space.
We have a growing team.
The team is in Boston.
I realize you live in Vermont, but we need a place for people to work.
And so two years ago, we were just opening up our first ever office space.
When I think now, 55 employees, we have world-renowned experts coming into Boston.
So much has changed in the last two years.
I don't give myself any credit for that because I'm now in the reality now.
I'll give you another example.
Two years ago, I had this kind of aha moment in my head. that I wanted to start a company.
I wanted to develop a product.
I kept telling my sister-in-law, who's also my business partner, Christine.
I said to her I'd really love to take on the challenge of launching a product.
I'd love to do something that has a positive impact on people's health.
I'd love to create something simple that's backed by science, that's super innovative, that's never been out there before, that really solves a problem.
Now, here's the thing that's interesting.
I didn't know what it was.
No idea.
I just knew I wanted to do something.
And I started saying it out loud.
And it felt ridiculous because my schedule was already insane.
I was already stretched too thin.
I had no idea how to launch some kind of consumer product.
I had no idea what I was going to do.
But this idea just kept on tapping me on the shoulder two years ago. going, hey, hey, remember me?
And all of a sudden, it's like one little thing after another started to appear.
And here I am two years later, almost to the date.
This is really eerie.
Almost to the date.
Two years ago on the podcast, I told you during an episode where we were talking about goals and I just had the courage to say it.
I'm not there yet, but I'm going to say, I think I want to launch some kind of product.
Over the last two years, I have just leaned into this.
I have learned, I have explored, I have looked at all kinds of things.
I've become a student of what I wanted to become.
And I am now the co-founder of a brand new company in the protein space.
And we have created the coolest thing in the world.
I cannot wait for you to see it.
It's called Pure Genius.
You can go to puregeniusprotein.com.
And this is physical evidence of something I'm trying to teach you.
You're not everything you want to be yet, but you're a lot of things you wanted to be two years ago and what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
You're not giving yourself enough credit for how far you've come in two years.
You're not.
You're a lot of things you weren't two years ago.
And here's why this reminder is also important.
So yes, I'm now two years later, the co-founder of Pure Genius.
I'm so excited about it.
I'm so proud of it.
And I'm not where I want to be because we don't have the supply chain nailed down yet.
We are in a constant state of release product, boom, it's all sold out.
Then everybody's upset because then they're on a wait list.
Why are we in this situation?
Because we're figuring it out.
Now I'm realizing this is what happens when you launch something new that people really like.
You've gotta give it time to learn and iron out the kinks.
It's easy in life to get out over the tips of your skis and go well, I haven't lost all the weight yet.
I haven't met the person yet.
I haven't landed my dream job yet and start invalidating yourself for where you are.
And then you lose sight of this like amazing truth that you've been making progress all along.
And the secret about life.
You're going to have to continue to make progress all along, because I think the cruel joke about life is you never get there.
By the way,
You're always trying to get there, but you're not there yet.
And this reminder.
This reminder I'm not everything I want to be yet, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago and what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
That's genius.
It's genius because it helps you double down on progress, both the progress that you've made and the progress that you're going to have to continue to make in order to keep growing and learning and making your life and the things that you're working on better.
I'm no different than you and this reminder is helping me to not get too far ahead, to not invalidate how far I've come.
And that's why you need this reminder.
Let's say this out loud together.
I'm not everything I want to be yet, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago.
And then let this part land.
And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
You have lost weight.
You are putting yourself out there.
You have been writing.
You did meditate over the last couple years.
You have leaned into AI a little bit.
You've been updating your resume.
You are doing a lot of things.
You are in a different place than you were two years ago.
And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
All right, we're ready for number five.
This one's one of my all-time favorites.
It's about one of the healthiest habits you can have.
You're gonna love this reminder.
And I'm gonna tell you after this short break.
But I'm also gonna remind you, while you're listening to our amazing sponsors please share this episode with people that you care about.
If somebody in your life is feeling overwhelmed, if they're down on themselves, if you just wanna see them winning and I know you want to see the people in your life winning text it to them, email it to them.
I am sending this to my three adult kids.
This is going to my walking group of all my girlfriends in Vermont.
We all need this.
We need this not only for ourselves, but when you share this with somebody else, it not only helps them feel better and do better.
You just gave them a gift they can give to people in their life who need these reminders too.
I just think that's so cool the positive force for good that we're spreading around.
The Wait till you hear this fifth reminder about the most powerful habit you need to create.
That reminder is coming next, so stay with me.
Welcome back.
It's your friend Mel Robbins.
Today, you and I are talking about seven powerful reminders.
These are emotional jumper cables, zap you right back into your power.
You need this.
I need this.
We all need this.
So thank you for sharing this.
Let's just jump right into reminder number five.
I love this one.
One of the healthiest habits to learn.
Take nothing personally.
I first learned about this in the blockbuster international book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
It was first published in 1997.
The Four Agreements has sold over 15 million copies worldwide.
It has been on the New York Times bestseller list for over a decade.
It's been published in 52 languages.
And this reminder is very close to the second agreement that he writes about in this book, which is don't take anything personally.
And that's an agreement you need to make with yourself so you can feel more connected to yourself.
And, more importantly, stop obsessing over what everyone else is doing, thinking what their expectations are, their opinions.
Enough.
This reminder is for all of you who are very, very sensitive, okay?
This is one of the most healthy habits you can develop.
Take nothing personally.
Because if you're sensitive, number one, I love you.
Your sensitivity is a gift.
But number two, you got to listen up, because that gift also ricochets back and hits you in the forehead.
Okay,
Because if you're someone who gets hurt easily because you're reading into the tone of a text or you read into how long it takes somebody to respond, or whether or not they showed up or didn't show up or canceled or said no, or what is their emotional state or what is their face looking like, this is a reminder that that is going to bring you a lot of peace, especially in those moments where you start to think the world is against you.
I want you to remember this fifth reminder.
One of the healthiest habits to learn take nothing personally.
That was me.
That was me, super emotional, deep feelings, reading into the moods of everybody.
And if you've ever heard me talk about the let them theory, the let them theory is how you learn the habit.
Take nothing personally.
Because when you say let them, you are forcing yourself To give people the dignity of their own emotions, their own thoughts, their own opinions.
And when you say let them, you're cuing yourself.
Say, okay, let them.
Let them think, feel, and do whatever they want.
Now let me remind myself.
I get to choose whether or not I take this personally.
When you say let them think what they want, let them not invite you.
Let them be who they are.
Let them be who they're not.
Let them be in a bad mood.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them try to give you a guilt trip.
Let them, let them, let them, let them.
Because your power is not in becoming a mind reader or a parent to other adults.
Your power is in this habit.
Take nothing personally.
When someone disagrees with you, do not allow yourself to start questioning your capabilities.
Let them disagree with you.
And let me remind myself, their disagreeing with me doesn't mean anything about me.
You know, one of the things that I struggled with when it comes to being very I'll just call myself hypersensitive and overreacting, is that you make it all about you.
You think what everybody else is doing is somehow a reflection on you.
It is not.
Here's what the let them theory taught me.
It taught me the truth.
People project their own stress.
They project their overwhelm.
They project their insecurities.
They project their expectations.
They try to control you and change you so that they can feel how they want to feel and so that they can be right.
And most of what people are doing has nothing to do with you at all.
And learning how to take nothing personally will change your life.
Someone else's bad mood is not a report card on your existence.
Their silence does not have to be some sort of criminal sentence to what you're supposed to do for the rest of the day.
Their behavior is not a vote on your value.
And you're going to feel so much freer when you let this reminder land.
One of the healthiest habits to learn, take nothing personally.
Stop auditioning for approval from people who are stressed out distracted overwhelmed, emotionally immature and constantly projecting on you.
Stop letting somebody else's nervous system run your day.
Let their mood be theirs.
Your life is yours.
Take nothing personally and you get your power back.
Now let's move on to powerful reminder number six.
And I'm going to warn you, this one's a gut check.
Are you ready?
Here it is.
Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes, because if you want a different life, if you want life to feel different, you cannot keep dragging the old life around like some sort of busted suitcase with a wheel that's stuck.
This reminder will give you the courage to drop the parts of your life that are weighing you down.
Whether that's your mindset, your habits, the people you hang out with.
Creating a better life means saying goodbye to a lot of things.
One goodbye at a time.
You got to say goodbye to the habits that drain you.
Goodbye to the people who don't treat you that well.
Goodbye to the situations you've outgrown and the job that you feel disrespected in.
Goodbye to the versions of yourself that kept you small.
And I want to be really clear about something here, because I think most people when they hear this, they actually get it wrong.
Because when you hear, becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes, most people hear this quote and assume it means okay, I guess I have to cut people off.
No, no, you don't.
This isn't just about who you're saying goodbye to.
It's about what you keep doing.
You know, you're saying goodbye to being a doormat because you got to say hello to boundaries.
You know you can be kind and still say no.
You got to say goodbye to the self-criticism in order to say hello to self-confidence.
You got to say goodbye to the relentless pursuit of trying to get it perfect and perfectionism if you want to say hello to making progress and feeling a sense of momentum in your life.
And so let me just say this to you because you need a friend to say it to you.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You're not behind.
You're not broken.
You're evolving.
You're growing.
You're learning.
You're making forward progress.
And every evolution comes with needing to shed things that no longer work.
Every time you say goodbye to what's dragging you down, you are creating space for what's going to lift you up.
You're creating space for the new.
That's why you got to get rid of the old.
That's what this reminder is.
It's a reminder and permission to release what no longer fits so you can create space for what does.
When you frame it this way, it's growth.
It's not like you being heartless.
Suddenly the goodbye doesn't feel like a loss.
It feels like something you need to do.
It feels like relief.
It feels like clarity.
It's obvious.
I mean obviously, if you want to create room for something new, you got to get rid of some old stuff.
It's like clearing out the closet, only you're doing it with habits.
You're doing it with your mindset.
You're doing it with your time.
You know, you don't have to think about like, oh, I got to get rid of my friends.
You could just spend a little less time with them.
And that creates more time to go and find people that are up to some of the things that you're up to now.
That's why this powerful reminder works.
It's helping your brain focus on the things that you need to do instead of clinging to the familiar things that hurt you and calling it loyalty.
The reminder is simple.
Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes.
And most of the goodbyes that you need to make are the ones that you make when you're looking in the mirror.
And that is a great reminder that will help you move forward and create space for what's new.
And this next one, Number seven, is a beautiful sentence that will really focus your attention on what matters.
And here it is.
Keep in mind, there's a clock ticking that you can't see.
So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life.
That one hits me every single time.
Because if you're anything like me and I think, most people you spend a lot of time thinking about later.
Oh, I'll call my mom later.
I'll apologize this weekend.
I'll take that trip next year.
I'll start working out in the new year.
I'll write that book when I have some time.
I'll say I love you when it feels right.
I'll do the thing that would make my life better tomorrow.
But later is not a real day on the calendar.
This powerful reminder snaps you boom right into the truth.
Time is passing, whether you use the time or not.
And instead of making that scary, this reminder keep in mind there's a clock ticking that you can't see.
So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life.
It makes your life feel more urgent in a beautiful way.
It reminds you to hold the people you love closer, to stop wasting time being annoyed about the things that honestly, they don't matter in a large scheme of things.
To say the things you've been meaning to say, while you still have the time to say them, to live the life that's happening right in front of you, not the future one that you imagine coming around when you're retired or when the kids are a little older, or when this happens, or when that happens.
It's like a friendly tap on the shoulder saying, hey, don't miss your own life.
And there's this incredible psychology behind why this reminder motivates action.
See, we have this thing that we do as human beings called temporal discounting.
It means we just naturally assume we're going to have more time, more energy and more motivation later.
And so we delay the things that really matter.
I learned that from Dr. Carl Pillemer.
He is a professor at Cornell University and the creator and director of the Cornell Legacy Project, the largest archive of life wisdom ever collected from older Americans.
He's also a nationally recognized psychologist, with over 150 scientific publications, more than 26000 citations, and is a best-selling author of books that translate this real research and wisdom into practical life advice.
And one of the reasons why I love Professor Pellimer's research is he's taken these interviews with thousands of people in their 80s, 90s and 100s, talking about their biggest regrets in life.
And his research shows the same thing over and over again.
When people are on their deathbed, They don't wish they bought a bigger house.
They regret not asking for forgiveness.
They regret not saying, I love you more.
They regret letting their relationships fall apart.
So when you remember there's a clock ticking that you can't see, this choice appears.
You can waste the next 10 holidays trying to fix your family, or you can learn to let them be who they are and who they're not, and use your energy to love whoever loves you.
I'm not saying it's easy, but it is a choice to learn how to love people in spite of themselves and in spite of who they are.
And one of the most powerful ideas in his work is this.
When you don't have 50 years left to live, everything that really matters about life comes into focus.
And that's what this reminder does for you.
Keep in mind there's a clock ticking that you can't see.
So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life.
As you really contemplate the truth of that, there is a clock that's ticking that you can't see.
I mean, you never know when your time's up.
You never know when your parents are going to be gone.
You don't know when your friends are no longer going to be here. your priorities instantly shift.
And at an even deeper level, your brain activates what psychologists call meaning motivation.
It's this drive to focus on what's important.
That's why reminders about time make you pick up the phone or hug your kids a little tighter, or let go of petty arguments or start that project.
Savor the moment.
Stop talking yourself. out of the things that you want to do.
Allow yourself to live your life in a way that you want to live your life while you still have time.
Say I love you over and over instead of just assuming they know that you love them.
This reminder wakes up that part of your brain.
It pushes you from just assuming into intention.
From someday to today.
It reminds me of that incredible quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
If you can't fly, then run.
If you can't run, then walk.
If you can't walk, then crawl.
But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.
That's what this reminder is really about.
Keep moving forward with the people you love in the one life that you've got.
These seven reminders aren't just words.
They're weapons against playing small.
And I want you to have all of these seven reminders right at your fingertips.
I want them encoded into your brain.
I want you to write them out and stick them on your fridge or stick them on your desk, because they are the truth.
And they work.
And they are these emotional jumper cables that'll snap you out of that bad day.
Woe is me kicking the can down the field, waiting for tomorrow.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not what you're doing.
You need these reminders.
So here they are.
You can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to fuck off when needed.
It's called boundaries.
The best thing a therapist ever told me is, you're not lazy.
You only have a certain amount of energy right now, and you're using it all to survive.
You know who's going through a tough time right now?
Everyone.
Be kind.
I'm not everything I want to be yet, but I'm a lot of things I wanted to be two years ago.
And what a wonderful thing it is to realize that.
One of the healthiest habits to learn, take nothing personally.
Becoming the best version of yourself comes with a lot of goodbyes.
Keep in mind, there's a clock ticking that you can't see.
So love whoever loves you and enjoy your life.
I want you to use these reminders.
Write them down.
Say them out loud.
Share them with people you love.
Come back to them.
Come back to this episode.
Anytime you need to get your head, your heart, your mojo back in the right place.
Because that's what those reminders do.
They remind you of who you are, what you're capable of. and what's truly important in life.
And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to make sure to tell you as your friend.
I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life.
And these seven powerful reminders will help you do exactly that.
Alrighty, I'll see you in the very next episode.
I'll be waiting for you the moment you hit play.
I'll welcome you in.
Okay, ready?
Can I have the eyeglass cleaner, David?
Hold on a second.
Okay, sorry.
I want to say one other thing.
Are they plowing?
I love that.
Please, please, please.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Nope.
Perfect.
Perfect.
I love that.
Okay, great.
So don't breathe yet.
Okay, great.
Great.
Okay.
Ooh, I love this one.
Here we go.
Is this what you don't want?
Yes.
Okay, keep going.
What was the last line that I said?
You know who's going through a tough time now?
Keep going up, like down.
I mean, there we go.
You're probably going to be like, I knew we didn't need this, but here we go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You know, while you're getting through the day, I want you to just take a moment and hold on.
I also want you to share these reminders with people that you care about.
Every single buddy.
Hold on a second.
Jesus.
Let me start over.
There we go.
Boom.
Great coaching.
Oh, and one more thing.
And no, this is not a blooper.
This is the legal language.
You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I am not a licensed therapist.
And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.
Got it?
Good.
I'll see you in the next episode.
