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This episode was inspired by a single question that Ro and I hate getting asked.
Like I just didn't know how to respond, what to respond.
Girlhood has shifted from girl boss to girl mas.
And you may be wondering what girl mas is.
A lot of the hobbies that I pick up that start from a place of pure joy really quickly turn to something that I have to do and I have to do well.
OK, great. I'm not good.
I'm going to quit. I think that's one thing we have in common. When we're not good at something.
No, because I'm thinking about all the things I've quit.
To all the hobbies I've quit before.
But actually. Welcome to Voice Hugs, a podcast on being your best self and embracing all seasons of life with open arms. This is your host Viv and Ro!
Yay! Another solo, no not solo, another duo episode!
If you guys are watching on video.
This is the second or third time where I've shown up at her apartment.
And we just happen to match. So it's not even that we color coordinated.
We just happen to match!
We just happen to match!
We're on the same wave. Yeah so she is wearing a very cute acid wash Coachella.
Yes. brown oversized shirt and i'm wearing like a brown checkered pants so it kind of like yeah like the the contrast matchy and then i'm wearing like a cream top with some writing on it and she's wearing white shorts pants pants so we're comfy if you didn't know you can watch us on youtube you can pop up the video on spotify the only place unfortunately where you currently can't video is Apple Podcast, but hopefully they'll get it together soon.
So for today what are we talking about Viv?
Today we are talking about okay, well first off, this episode was inspired by a single question that Ro and I HATE getting asked.
I absolutely hate getting asked this question, and it's a question we get asked all the time, very you know just in passing.
It is What do you like to do for fun?
Ooh. We'll share why we have feelings about this as we go on, but I think in general, why this spoke to Viv and I so much and why we wanna make a whole episode out of it is because I think societally, girlhood has shifted from girl boss to girl boss.
And you may be wondering what girl boss is.
I wondered the same thing too.
But our friend Leah, our guest, whose podcast if you haven't watched yet definitely recommend listening to that with Leah Way Leah's field notes she shared with me like I don't know if it's like a Canadian thing or like a Gen -Z thing I think it's like maybe more of the latter but girl mossing or just mossing in general it's just like you're hanging out you're chilling you're just existing and you're just growing like you're just existing there like moss yeah literally yeah Which is a very stark contrast to, like, the whole girl boss, boss babe era.
This shift, assured in the hobbyist era of a lot more crocheting, of a lot more arts and crafts, of a lot more DIY.
Ceramics! Yeah. But again, we have our thoughts.
Now that we've exited or it feels like we are out of this girl boss era.
We have more, quote, free time.
And with this free time, I feel like that's when you're supposed to pick up hobbies.
And I don't know what it is, but it just feels so hard. I'm speaking kind of for the both of us, correct me if I'm wrong.
It feels so hard to just do something for fun sometimes and then to keep on doing it.
For me, it's always like a one and done thing.
And then there's also just so many mental blocks or things that come up as I'm about to start something or if I want to start something new, Even just the idea of having fun and playing I'm like what does that look like for me as an adult now?
Because I think there's also this whole other conversation we can have I don't know if we need to get into now of this resistance with play or this guilt of play of We should be working all the time.
We should be doing all these things all the time.
That's quote -unquote productive So, when you do something for the pure joy of play, like you kind of have to recalibrate and just take a step back and be like, this is good for me, I should do this, I should do more of this.
We looked up the definition of a hobby on Google.
An activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.
And there were two things that stuck out to me about this definition.
The first one is leisure time, and the second one is pleasure.
Pleasure, meaning like for fun, it brings you joy.
Leisure time, I feel like adulting in general.
It feels like we don't have leisure time, like time to ourselves.
And when we do, I don't know, like I really just don't feel like when I do have time, I'm never thinking about what can I do for my own enjoyment.
Okay, so let's look back on, not even our 20s, but like turning 30, we're both like 32 now, right?
So just look back on the past two years of both of our lives, right?
You guys can do this exercise with us.
There's probably so many things you've wanted to do for me.
I wanted to do ceramics.
I want to make crochet flowers.
I want to crochet in general, like there's just so many things that I want to do.
I want to bake more.
I wanted to cook more.
But looking back on the past two years is like, I barely did any of that.
Like I did more Legos.
I built little cute things for my smiskeys and for my little figurines.
But I have yet to check off all these things I want to do and when I ask myself why I'm like Oh, I don't have time But when I really look at how I'm spending my time and we both talked about this just now I'm literally scrolling on my phone Yeah for so long and I am wondering if it's because I don't think of leisure time as scrolling I think of I have some free time.
I'm just gonna scroll it's kind of more like dead time there might just be this like larger resistance towards blocking off time for leisure.
But maybe that's something that if we try doing more of it could help us, I don't know, like insert more time for these pleasurable, joyful things that we've always wanted to do.
I think it comes down to how we value time, and how we value...
Okay, the definition says pleasure, but I'm just gonna say like play?
Or fun. I think for a long time, especially in the last two years just having so much work in general, I feel like as an adult, you just have more responsibilities so let's not call it work because you do have more responsibilities, right?
Even taking care of your home is not something that you used to do as a kid.
Running errands is not something you used to do as a kid.
really your main focus was just going to school and hanging out with friends or like joining clubs and you do have a lot of free time.
I think now when we have free time as an adult we're so tired and so that's what happens like we're so tired we just want to sit on the couch and the easiest thing is to get on your phone and doom scroll or you like lay down in bed and you turn on Netflix and you end up sitting there for an hour or two hours and you're like wait I don't like the whole night yeah but then I just spent you know two hours watching something that didn't actually make me feel joyful I was just so burnt out that is what we are going to be exploring in today's episode trying to figure this out together and I mean what you
just said now it's like oh then that means I don't value my time right in some way shape or form yeah because I think like you can discredit the fact that yes after a long day you are tired you do want to shut brain off, you do want to do things that are more mindless.
Like, it's easier to put on Netflix than it is to pick up a book, right?
But, I think that doesn't necessarily mean we can't do one or the other.
It's just, one is least resistant, the other is more resistant.
When you are asked the question, what do you like to do for fun?
How do you respond and how do you feel when someone asks you this?
The good thing is, I feel like this time around where I am right now in my life I could probably answer it better than if you were to ask me in my late 20s I think like the question just - I just didn't know how to respond, what to respond I was like - I literally was just working all the time I'd be like, I don't have time for play and I don't have time for hobbies and a small part of me prided myself on being able to answer that way but I would just kind of default to oh, you know, I read, I journal, I meditate.
You know, I do the things that I need to do and that's about it.
Maybe sometimes I shop, but then that also has seasons where like sometimes I'll buy like all the things and there'll be something as a hobby and there'll be months where I want to do it.
I think it's like a like a joy of expression.
Yeah, like clothes, you know, and like it's kind of fun.
But yeah, if I'm really thinking about how I've spent my time or back when I was living in New York, I don't really have hobbies.
Like I didn't really have things that I would do for fun with myself.
It's either I work, I'm with friends, talking to my significant other, or trying to sleep or trying to clean my apartment.
I think like the hobbies that you listed, a lot of those things fall under the self care category.
and so like self -care as a hobby, I think I have a hard time with this myself because I do do a lot of things that fall under that, but when it comes to play, I don't categorize play as self -care.
And so it's like, I will work out and I don't see that as a hobby.
It's not play. Yeah.
That's a form of self -care and self -care can be a hobby but it feels more like something I need to do rather than something that I enjoy.
Like I'm not like oh my god, I'm so excited to go work out today.
I've never liked that I think this is where pleasure like the definition of hobby where pleasure comes in Where i'm sure some people get pleasure out of working out I think most people you do it because it's something you know you quote unquote should do and you know like you you should work out like it is good for you mentally spiritually physically like all the ways but then that's not something Where you'll wake up every day and be like, oh my god.
I'm so excited to go work out but you could be like oh my god I'm so excited to go to the ceramic studio I'm so excited to make this new thing that I saw when I get asked this question, I think a part of me feels insecure because I feel a little bit embarrassed that I don't have things to say I don't play basketball like I'm thinking about like Oh wait wait what?
you don't play basketball?
is that, can we talk about that?
I'm thinking about my boyfriend and like what He's like oh yeah like I like playing basketball or like James likes playing golf for example like that's a hobby it's working out but like it feels more like a hobby because it's fun for them rather than like me going to Pilates I love Pilates but it's just fun but it's not like golf or basketball fun yeah for them recently when people ask me like oh like what do you like to do on your weekends oh my god hate that question I'm like oh I like hanging out with my dogs period like that's it what about you yeah what about you what do you like to do for fun
just redirect it back to them.
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So actually, going back to doom scrolling, as we were talking about earlier, I was doom scrolling this last week and I happened to stumble on an Instagram caption that read, a girl who likes making things plus doing things, not necessarily well, but does them nonetheless.
And she had a carousel of ceramics and I had done ceramics a year ago, right?
And this caption really sparked something in me, because there's doing something just to do just for pure enjoyment.
And then there's doing something and wanting to do it well.
And I realized in that moment that a lot of the hobbies that I pick up that start from a place of pure joy and excitement and pleasure really quickly turns to something that I have to do and I have to do well.
Like there's this, I don't know if it's like this competitive side in me or this perfectionistic side and tendencies that I have where once I start something it then automatically becomes how can I do it better?
How can I do it faster?
How can I do it a certain way?
And then it becomes something I have to do rather than I want to do it.
For ceramics specifically was there a turning point or if you, you're just smiling, she just gave me a smirk.
Okay, so I took a ceramics six week class, we have six weeks.
So in six weeks you want to use all your clay right and each week you go through the process of learning how to make the ceramics.
I loved it the first few weeks, it was so fun to get my hands dirty to like go to the studio after work at night.
and starting around week 3 or week 4, I realized that I'm actually pretty good at this.
The pieces that I was making, they looked really nice.
And it's on a wheel.
It's on a wheel, like a spinning wheel.
It's hard. Yeah and I felt like I actually had a natural, I was pretty good at it.
And then once that clicked in, it became, I need to make this perfect.
Even though it was my first time doing it, what ended up happening was after the 6 weeks, I had a box, I think at least 15 to 20 unfinished pieces.
So I ended up making five final pieces and I had like 15 unfinished pieces and I couldn't use a studio anymore because the class was over.
And that's just ridiculous.
I needed it to feel perfect and some of them I wanted to give to people too.
So the reason why you didn't finish all of them was because of this desire that it needs to be perfect and that hindered you from just finishing things.
Interesting. Another example that I have is...
So Pilates is something that when I first started I was so excited about it.
I love picking out your outfit, going to Pilates, and getting there early.
I never show up early to anything, but for Pilates I showed up early.
I'd always be the first one in there and waiting.
When I got the month pass, It started becoming about how many times can I go a week in order to make the month pass worth it So if I had four weeks I would try to go four to five times a week so that if one class cost $30 Normally I would try to go as many times as I could in the month so that that class only costed $10 It no longer became.
Oh, I'm going to Pilates for fun It became I'm going to Pilates to make the most out of this dollar.
Wow! It's like truly optimizing.
Your mind always reaches a point where it starts over optimizing.
Interesting. Yeah. The human brain, guys.
So that's my experience with hobbies and I have some ideas on where this comes from but I would like to hear before we get there how it has been challenging for you to find and keep hobbies as you've shared.
Like you have these like self -care hobbies But when it comes to crocheting, for example, something that you've been wanting to do, what makes it so hard for you to start and continue?
Well, I think it's just one of these things.
There's like one of the stories I tell myself.
We all have so many stories in our heads.
If you haven't listened to Viv's solo episode on the stories in her head, I think it's a great episode.
She gives like four good takeaway.
So what you can do to kind of pacify, calm, and live more harmoniously.
these voices in your head so anyway the voice is in my head or the excuse i keep telling myself is you know like i'm pretty good at arts and crafts stuff you know if i want to do ceramics i totally could if i want to crochet i totally could but like once i start i'll just like never stop so before i start let's just like enjoy my time.
Both kind of weirdly delusional like also about like over optimizing and i think when i know i really like something i get really into it so You know, I think one thing that I could say that I've been doing a lot of that does fall into the category of play.
I don't really know if you'd call playing video games a hobby But it's definitely play right?
And like I started animal crossing literally four years After it blew up because in the beginning, you know when I was living in New York James was like, hey there's this really cute game that we should play together.
I was like no Why would I?
No Like I have better things to do with my time like work But then I started playing that.
Someone told me recently that gaming is like the number one least attractive hobby to girls or something.
I actually don't know if that's fact or true.
Take it with a grain of salt, but that's just what someone told me.
So, it's interesting.
It's interesting. There's also some shame around certain types of hobby.
Yeah. No, I don't have time to game.
Like, what does gaming mean to you then?
Yeah, and I think there's like this interesting subset of new types of games that are more like cozy games cuz I think when you think of games you're like Ah, you know, you're shooting people and then you're killing zombies and then you're playing Starcraft or you know back in the day It's like counterstrike and it's always with like guns and violence and all of that So then maybe we didn't like associating ourselves with it, but now it's like not cooking mama.
What is overcooked?
There's this game call like it takes two.
My James and I have played together.
I recently got Stardew Valley Oh, yeah, isn't it's really pretty like we haven't yet.
It's it's really beautiful.
I remember like want a bunch of awards So anyway, I think at least from that perspective.
I can say I've been doing more but at the same time Because it is games I do feel like I'll do it really intensely for a few weeks or at least for a week and then I'll kind of sit Myself down to be like, whoa What are you doing girl?
you know? And I think it's especially when it cuts into your like week or your work day and you know sometimes once in a while you just have to you have to deep girl rest and you have to girl moss and just do these things but after a while I think because we are human and because we do crave to be productive not in like a toxic productivity sense but to just be doing something with your life in a grander scale of things I do kind of check myself and be like, you kind of have to chill out a little.
So I think there is this part of me that gets very easily sucked into things, very easily addicted into doing certain things, and I'll just want to do it all the time, it's all I can think about, and then I'll reach a point where I'll be like, okay, I need to chill.
Like this is, you're going a little too far.
Yeah, I don't know if it really answered your question of like, why I haven't done any of these things.
No, I think I get it.
it's, you know yourself so well, and I think part of it is we're both, I think we kind of lean more on the intense side, like the extreme side.
Like when we go into something, we go full force.
And so we know how you just fully dive into it and like you can't stop thinking about it.
I think the addiction aspect is something that it's really exciting at first, but once you kind of do too much of it, it feels like you're losing yourself.
And when you lose yourself, you're like, okay, no, I don't wanna do that.
And then you know that that's going to happen if you pick up another hobby So you're like no, no, no. I don't want to lose myself But see the crazy thing is and this is actually crazy If I just spend the 1 or 2 hours Like the 3 or 4 hours that I'm on Instagram every day Doing a hobby or doing anything else You know, of course I have my weeks and my months right?
And I think these past few weeks, it's just I've been scrolling more than I would like to admit We should check our Instagram Of course, time again I'm very scared to be real with yourself and to know yourself is to know that yes we do have this intense side of us but to also be real with ourselves and being like okay but how have I really been spending my time and it's like you know I'm human and I like scrolling and you know that's just something we gotta work out and I think having these conversations is great because it also helps you remind yourself that you do have time what you choose to
spend your time on is something that But as you said, it's like, what do you really value?
I will like to value adding more play and pleasure in that way into my life than just like rotting my brain.
I'm realizing that maybe in our minds, the scrolling and the doing these mindless things where it kind of feels like we're wasting our time is actually our body's way of resting.
And there are better ways to get true rest. because I do think that when you scroll and when you do something that you weren't intentional about, it can, for example, social media, let's just talk about this really quick.
Social media is really, really bad for your mental health.
Like studies everywhere, it just shows that.
We know. Yeah, it's just really, really bad for your mental health.
So if you're tired and you're scrolling, like yes, we're human, at the same time, it's being intentional about how can we find better rest for ourselves and perhaps we, us, like Rowena and I, we need to think about rest as separate from hobbies and play and pleasure.
Because I think a lot of the times when we do have free time, we are really just trying to find things to help us rest and calm ourselves down or relax, but there's no spark and joy and excitement sometimes.
I think one question that I had that I'm curious about, So since we love talking about childhood and you know who we were as kids, what did you like doing for fun as a kid?
Um okay. As a kid I loved singing.
I loved all things arts and crafts.
I actually loved recording things on camera and taking photos.
So the first time that I recorded something was I think I was 10 years old I found my stepdad's camcorder, and I made my cousins do like a build a bear talent show so I would like be over there and I direct and record and then edit it on the camcorder cuz back then we didn't really have like computers and stuff that's advanced I know and then I was thinking back when I was in high school too when my parents moved into the house that they have now I actually did a home tour like I recorded a home tour so that I could remember what it was like when we first moved in and this is before home tours
on youtube and stuff.
These are things that I liked to do for fun, like also arts and crafts, Like I loved knitting, anything that was like crafty I really enjoyed doing.
What happened? What happened?
Adulthood happened.
What happened? Yeah.
I guess it's singing at one point it became more of I didn't feel like I was good enough so I stopped.
But I still sing every day in the shower and in the car.
And I actually realized recently I sing when I'm stressed.
It helps me de -stress.
So, singing could be your first drop because of perfection.
Yeah, it was because I didn't get into this choir that I had auditioned for.
I was in choir for 12 years and I had always gotten the solos in middle school and then sometime in high school, it was my first time I didn't get into something and I was so ashamed or something.
Upset or more ashamed?
I remember crying and then I just felt like, Oh my God, I'm not good anymore.
And so I just completely stopped.
I think that's one thing we have in common. When we're not good at something.
No cause I'm thinking about all the things I've quit to all the hobbies I've quit before.
But actually something very similar happened in high school with volleyball for me.
It wasn't even, I didn't make the...
Like I was already on the team.
I was on junior varsity.
it was my junior to senior year I believe and then my coach pulls me aside he's like your serves aren't that great you know your diggings and then he just said a bunch of things that now in retrospect if I were to like put myself in his shoes I think he was trying to see what I would do with that information and me being a perfectionist child at that time I was like okay great I'm not good I'm gonna quit I just stopped showing up that summer And I just - like I'd even say, I didn't even tell him anything.
I didn't even - I just - I just stopped showing up for summer camp.
We don't like doing things that we're not good at.
Yeah and then the same thing with dance, with piano, with violin.
I think I never really liked instruments that much to begin with.
And I think maybe it was also the environment that we grew up in where everyone did it because your parents are like, you should do it.
I think like now, looking back, I actually wish I stuck with at least one or two of these things especially with something like piano it's like maybe parenting can help us or like help our future generation I loved arts and crafts as well but every single time when you enroll in art class they make you draw vases you just draw an ellipse and a smaller ellipse and a bigger ellipse and a medium ellipse and you connect it all together and then you draw the vase and then you draw circles and then lines in between for the apples and it just I hated sketching, like live sketching that I just never move
forward not knowing that, oh, there are other things that you can do as like an artistic person or like a creative person.
You don't necessarily need to go down this path of traditional art.
There's a theme between like what both of us are sharing.
The way that we see hobbies or things for fun, there's a performative aspect to it.
when hobbies are not supposed to be performative, so where do we think this idea that we have to be good at something comes from?
Because that thought itself completely takes away the joy of the act of doing something.
And again, this is why that caption resonated so much with me because I was like, wow, imagine if I just did things not necessarily well, but just, I just liked doing things.
I mean, I feel like I don't like being like, oh, we're Asian.
But at the same time, I'm like, yeah, you grew up with, you know, in an Asian household, your own Asian friends who had similar, you know, hobby - quote -unquote hobbies or things that they did.
Or I think a better word for this is extracurricular.
And why do you do extracurricular?
And so that it can build up your resume or build up your college application so you can get into college.
And so I think, actually, I don't remember what my parents said for us to do these things or not do these things but I think to reparent myself would be reminding myself that you can do things for fun as your quote said there doesn't need to be like a return or an exchange at the end you're just doing something for the sake of doing it and that's fine.
Period. Yeah when you said that I was thinking in my mind like yeah I don't know how am I gonna do that?
How am I gonna do that?
Reparent? Yeah, because for me in the environment I grew up in I was acknowledged for Great performance, right?
Like you did really well in school.
You're in so many clubs.
You're the president of this club Oh you fundraise this much money.
Oh you got into this college.
Everything has this results or this accomplishment like I'm doing to perform I'm doing for that recognition I don't think fun was just really a priority.
I mean we had fun as kids cause I think kids just know how to have fun.
But you don't get praise for having fun.
Yeah, I didn't get praise for making my Build a Bear video.
I wish I had that footage.
Yeah, so I think that's interesting cause I think if you think about more of like a, how the generational kind of thing, it's our parents most of immigrant parents did not have the real privilege of fun right?
Like so i think because our lives were already a lot more fun compared to their circumstances they're not going to be like i'm so proud of you for having fun because it's not even a thing.
Yeah right and then I don't know how we would parent the next generation but there will probably be things that They're traumatized by us that like we did or didn't do either, but I think one thing, and this isn't to like blame our parents or society or anything, but I think one thing that we're both seeing from our childhood, and I think a lot of you guys can probably really do, is that there is this someone's not going to be like, Oh, you look like you're having so much fun.
I'm so proud of you.
You know, people always like, Oh my God, you did an amazing piano recital.
Congrats on making level 10 or like, wow.
I'm so proud of you for being elected ASB President or whatever, right?
I think those are tangible things that you can be proud of someone for.
And they should! Like our parents should be proud of us for these things, but I think if left unchecked, which I think is not our parents' or any adults' intention, it could turn into this to be loved, or to be a good person, or, you know, to be happy I need to perform.
Yeah. And if I'm doing something different, I'm wasting time.
I'm not going to be loved, or I'm not going to be acknowledged or recognized.
Or it's like, if I'm not doing something that will benefit my future, in some way, shape, or form, or build my resume, or be good for my college applications.
This reminded me of, I think there's a level of, I need to work really hard and sacrifice in order to deserve rest. I need to prove that I don't know.
Yeah, like working myself down to the ground.
Then if I'm not deep in the earth, then I don't deserve to have fun.
It's not until I've shown that, you know, there was blood, sweat and tears that were shed that I can finally take a vacation and relax.
And by that point, you're so burnt out, which I think both of us in general have kind of just felt in our early 30s that now we're just tired, or maybe that's just being an adult.
I just feel tired and I don't wanna do anything.
Because we're there, I think we're recognizing that there's so much value in prioritizing that leisure time and finding the things that interest you or make you excited and happy, because I think that's part of your identity too.
And I think that's what has made me feel insecure about not having things I like to do for fun.
Like my dogs have become my identity.
Like I look at my Instagram and I'm like, Oh my God, my dogs are everywhere.
Like my dogs are literally my identity, you know?
And what are other things that make Vivian, Vivian?
I'm realizing there are so many benefits to just doing things that excite you and make you happy and not having that end product or suffering to get there.
I love that. So just a drill in a little bit.
what makes Vivian Vivian?
What makes Vivian Vivian?
I guess it's like after this conversation and having both of us thought about this for a long time, what are some things that you want to implement or do more of?
So something that I picked up in this last week that I'm very excited about is it your crocheting?
Knitting! Yeah so I used to knit when I was in middle school.
I randomly just decided to pick it up.
I think I saw a photo of a blanket on Instagram and I thought it looked really cool.
And I was like, you know, I can make this.
So I went to Joanne's fabrics.
It's like an art and craft store.
Oh my gosh. The smell of the store just excited me.
I don't know when was the last time you went to Michaels or Joanne's fabrics, but oh my god.
That like brought me back to, it was like so nostalgic.
Going into the store to pick out all the yarn colors and buy the needles.
I was so excited and how then and I've been knitting away throw some b -roll up Yeah, even talking about it.
I'm like, oh my god.
I'm so excited. You're glowing.
Yeah, but oh, okay So something that I did realize though is when you're young Something that I struggled with at least is that in order to have hobbies you needed money like you need money to fund to buy the arts and crafts you needed money to take the classes if you want to do volleyball or you want it to be in club you need to pay for the uniform or go to the retreat etc and that was something that I felt was more restricted when I was growing up so even going to Joann's fabric I remembered that I couldn't always buy the yarn that I wanted I always kind of looked at the yarn that was on sale or like
there's massive bulk ones that are cheaper yeah exactly the big ones and so this time around that That was something that I realized too, that now that I'm not financially dependent on someone else, how can I re -think about money as a tool to help me get to a happier, more balanced, like healthy place?
Aww. Yeah. Oh my goodness.
Joanne, seriously blast from the past. Yeah!
Wow. That's really brought me so much joy.
Yeah! And I just remember walking to the store, like there's a huge section where it's just fabrics.
yeah and then i've made so many random like now that i think about like i literally forgot about joanne's and my past with it we should go together we should go together yeah now that i think about it's like i've just made so many things with like the excess fabric fabric because it was so discounted right it's like the excess fabric that like other people will cut that they just have on the side rolled up i've made so many random things with like little pillows and i don't even know yeah so many school projects.
our youth, our youth!
for me I don't necessarily have a solid here's like the next thing I want to do but everything I talked about earlier like I would like to do more ceramics or even just buying those kits from instagram targeted ads where it's like oh you know here's like air dry clay and here's like a little instruction on what you can do to make these cute faces or just like these little cute pottery pieces that are more is like free hand that's not like on a wheel or baking like i do i do bake more now that i'm here than i ever did in new york and also i think this is like not as tangible as some of these other
hobbies but i recently started listening to a book called unreasonable hospitality it is by this guy named will godara he was the general manager of 11 madison park which is one of the best restaurants in new york city i think it was like the best restaurant in the world maybe like a decade ago.
So anyway, the whole book talked about hospitality and like how you treat people and how you make people feel, how you make your customers feel.
And his whole thesis was that, when he first took over the restaurant, he's like, how can we make this the best restaurant in the world?
We definitely have to do things differently.
So it is a fine dining restaurant, but he was thinking with his team of like, how can we make fine dining cooler and more approachable and even kinder?
Cause I think sometimes it can be very stuffy.
and so everything that he was saying resonated with me because it's just about being a good person about really listening and really about paying attention and bringing more joy and happiness and pleasure and play and fun into their guests experience and if they can create this place where their guests can come and escape for a few hours then you know like obviously food isn't life -changing you know like you're not gonna change the world with a restaurant I mean you could in like other ways right but like you're not saving lives like a doctor for him he's like even if it's cheesy to say he's like
I feel like I'm making the world a better place by making others happier and kinder and in turn they can go out into their respective fields and in their families and in their lives and help people become better and happier people right so anyway me being all this up is senior year of high school we all had to do like a It's not like a exit project, but you have to basically pick a career and give a presentation on it.
And back then, I really wanted to do event planning, and I really wanted to go into hospitality because that is the major you go into for event planning.
And so I think listening to this audiobook kind of brought me back to where I was and the things that..
I mean, these are all things I still care about, right?
Like a huge part of this podcast, a huge part of what I do now online as a creator is to hopefully bring some of that positivity into the world.
But to be able to see someone operating at a scale as he is and how methodical and systematic and smart and thoughtful he is about crafting this whole thing, to me, I was like, oh my god, I can be doing so much more.
And, like, I just feel so, so, so inspired by listening to it.
I don't know how that translates into hobbies, but I think I got resected into this world of I just like learning education, and then that will hopefully translate into how I go about in, you know, like existing in my day -to -day life.
And I think another thing that we've touched upon that I've made a whole episode on, the whole gratitude bit, because by now my solo episode is out.
It's the episode right before this one.
It does make me feel very grateful that I got to experience and like I can know what you know Not many people in the world have eaten at these restaurants or like will understand Some of the concepts or even like some of the fine dining etiquette whatever that he talked about So I think there's another side of that like, you know, like some people food is hobby, right?
And I think like food to me isn't necessarily a hobby but like it does have this, like I'm grateful I've been able to experience these things to tie it all back because I got to experience these things This gratitude helps me want to Just like do better for myself Yeah, and to treat myself better get into your body's vitals with the vitals app on Apple watch I wanna get used to my body, and let my skin go to talk.
And I wanna feel like I'm myself again.
The Vitals app tracks key overnight metrics so you can spot changes in your health before you feel them.
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I wanna get used to my body, body, body.
Hey there Travelers, Kaley Cuoco here.
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Priceline. No, I think with everything that you shared, learning is a hobby.
And I think what you just shared is that recently you've found inspiration in relearning something that used to spark so much joy for you.
And I think in the same way, even though what you shared might not look like what we think a, quote, hobby is, knitting, sports, like, you know, whatever that thing is, I think all this really is to say is how can we find ways to prioritize spending more time on the things that do make us feel this joy, this excitement?
And it's not about producing that thing, it's just the journey of doing.
It's whether it is learning, whether it is going to Jo -Ann's fabrics, it's just doing the things that make you feel good and there's no other objective other than I like it.
And I think as you're saying all of that the word that came up in my mind was curiosity.
I think at least you know if I want to kind of hone in on my relationship with reading and books at one point it's like you know when I was in college I had so many questions that I want to answer so you're like what is my life purpose, why do humans exist, you know, why am I so depressed?
Like you have all these questions that you want answers to so you kind kind of seek that out in books and I think after a while, it starts becoming like oh I should do this because it's good for me and it's the same thing with your Pilates, with your credits and all of that, the monthly pass, whatever.
At one point it's inevitable if you know we're not super cognizant or intentional about the things that we're doing that it can start as a beautiful thing but then it becomes something that you lowkey resent or you're just like I'm not interested at all.
Yeah, it's like something on your to -do list now.
Yeah, and something to check off rather than something that you get really excited about.
So I think when it comes to books, there's like this podcast and then after our episode with Chloe, I also started reading, rereading Design Your Life and Friends.
If you want to design your whole life, including how to redesign your love for hobbies or lack of hobbies in your life, and you want to design more of that into your life, this is a great book.
Yeah, because I think kind of thinking back to my past and the last time I read this, I picked up this book I think after I graduated in like 2016 -2017 or like whenever the book came out and I was in a much different mind space and place in my life then now I think that was like early 20s now that we're in early 30s is like a lot more life has passed anyway..
to allow curiosity to kind of be the lead or like kind of be like the magnet that's like attracting you to things could also be a great way to want to do something for the sake of doing it rather than trying to get something out of it because I think I do have questions that I would like answers to like what is this next phase of my life looking like?
how am I gonna I don't know like I haven't posted a youtube video in so long why?
what does the future of my channel look like?
what is the future of my online career look like?
and it's like while these things are pretty front of mind and I think I just spent too much time focusing on that then focusing on my curiosity and what gets me excited because I think at the end of the day, it's what gets you excited will drive and help you get closer to answering all these other questions.
There's so many benefits to exploring your curiosities and it helps you feel more energized in some ways.
With a fresher mind, you can approach these other questions in your life better.
Yeah, yeah. And then also one other thing as you were sharing that, I thought of, Sometimes these things are seasonal right like you can have a seasonal hobby and at some point Maybe you're just not interested in it anymore And that's okay in the same way that maybe for us being more intense and extreme We're like really into a game, and then we don't want to be anymore That's okay like that hobby that excitement is over and it's time to find something else But if we're finding that we're unable to or that every time we try something and it's just like we give up we walk away from it or there's
a performative aspect to it.
That's when we should take a step back or can take a step back and ask ourselves, what is important at this time?
Maybe I don't have the capacity to pick something up.
Maybe I do, maybe it will actually be really helpful and inspire something in me.
Look at us. More play, hobbies and pleasure.
Enjoy. Woohoo. In our horizon.
I would like, especially because if you wanted to do crocheting, and I also like ceramics, I feel like this is something that we can help each other with, because sometimes starting something is hard when you're doing it yourself, and I think it's easy to do it with a friend, you know, like if your friend has something that they're already really good at or they do on a weekly basis, it's easy to be like, hey can I just join you?
Rather than starting by yourself, sometimes that itself can be very daunting?
So, we will do that together.
We will do that! I mean we've also been talking about going down the street and painting some ceramics, but we have yet to do that.
But work is number one!
But we record every episode we meet.
Yes, so finding ways to reprioritize.
We hope that this encourages you to explore things that interest you more.
Let us know something that has sparked joy for you recently.
something new that you've tried or a hobby that i don't know maybe some hobby suggestions for us yeah easy point of entry yeah leave it down below in the comments if you're watching on youtube or you can share questions on spotify you can comment on spotify or youtube or shoot us a dm or just comment on instagram publicly yeah we're everywhere everywhere or email us hello at voicexpodcast .com We love you guys sending you the biggest biggest voice hug wherever you are in the world
