In today's episode, you'll learn why the wrong kind of compliment is worse for your executive presence than none at all.
Welcome back to Speak Up, the podcast for high-performing introverts, including you, social introverts where we reveal the charisma and communication secrets of A-listers so that you get the recognition and the opportunities you have earned.
I am your host, Laura Camacho, your magical executive presence coach, godmother, and strategist.
And by the end of today's short episode, you will know why giving and receiving compliments is so tricky these days and what happens with the wrong kind of compliment.
The four exact ingredients the 4S framework for any presence building gratitude, practicing compliment And finally, how to receive a compliment gracefully and without awkwardness.
So today, which is recorded right after our wonderful Thanksgiving day in the United States, we're diving into something deceptively simple but wildly powerful compliments.
I want you to think of good compliments as a gratitude practice.
And we all know that gratitude makes us happier, and better people.
Yeah, those bits of praise we toss about or we should, but not just any compliments.
I want you to be giving the ones that supercharge your charisma, amp up your executive presence and turn everyday interactions into magnetic moments, plus how to receive them without the awkward cringe.
All right.
However, the wrong kind of compliments can literally change, end your reputation and you may never realize why someone dropped you or smiles but avoids you.
It's a conundrum-like enigma to understand and there can be many reasons.
We could blame social media or more largely digital technology.
In short, more people have more awkwardness today than before COVID.
We have collectively lost a couple of years of experience with face-to-face interactions.
This would, of course, affect younger people more than older people.
On top of say, missing the practice.
We are also more sensitive to a lack of sincerity or authenticity.
You on social media and so it just kind of makes you skeptical.
I mean, like you've noticed, even chat gpt is like oh my gosh, you are so smart right, and it just makes you question somebody's motives and all of this boils down to a lack of trust and that is extremely hard to recuperate from and a lot of times You'll never know that nobody's going to tell you and it's not likely that they see.
Guess what?
I don't trust you anymore.
So be the one who raises social intelligence and use compliments wisely.
It can be your secret sauce.
And I'm sure the most charismatic people you know are probably very skilled, exceptionally skilled, at giving compliments.
That's what I notice.
When I get that kind of compliment, say from a podcast guest, which happens now and then, makes me feel differently about them.
Definitely very positive.
You feel deeply recognized when somebody notices something that you've done in a non-obvious way.
And when you are complimenting someone thoughtfully, you signal confidence and generosity and you signal that you are approachable and influential, and that is what makes you be charismatic.
So to tie that to executive presence, I'll just mention that Harvard Business Review has research that's.
You know, there's so many studies, but they have a quote about leaders who give specific, genuine praise, foster trust and loyalty, which position them as go-to influencers.
All right, let's get tactical.
What makes a compliment land like platinum, right?
It's all about the 4S framework for compliments.
That's sincere, specific, show impact, and be short.
Skip these and you're just noise in the best case.
What people don't want to be is manipulated.
And that's when they don't know you as well, that's going to be in the back of their mind.
So just putting it out there.
All right, so that's why being sincere, that is your ticket.
It has to be something that you would say, something that you would notice.
You want to avoid sounding like you're buttering up somebody.
You want to avoid forced flattery.
You want to just be sincere.
And say the thing.
Don't try to pour it on.
Don't repeat.
Don't give seven compliments.
Give one.
Best delivered with eye contact and a genuine smile.
And this is where the wrong kind of compliment puts you in the doghouse.
Because they feel like you're not being sincere.
They feel like they're being played.
And that's really hard to recover from.
And I will say that it is possible to be sincere and not be interpreted as being sincere.
That's a tough situation.
So be you.
You be you.
Okay, that's number one.
Sincere.
Number two, specific.
You know, everybody says you're great.
Great job.
You look great.
Great meeting.
Great presentation.
You can bomb everything presentation and people are going to tell you great presentation, right.
So again kind of loses value.
Does it have a negative impact?
But it doesn't have a positive impact.
Specificity shows that you have been listening, that you are present, that you are paying attention.
It makes them feel seen and you know specificity being specific.
Specific is terrific, is a great communication principle overall.
So be specific.
What did you notice?
What was the thing?
What was the context?
What specifically did they do?
And don't praise things that they can't help, such as that they're tall or have great hair or beautiful smile, even
I mean, you can do that for your friends, but not not at work, probably definitely.
You're not going to tell people that they look hot.
It's not about appearances.
It's about hustle.
It's about the effort.
It's about the skill.
It's about the progress.
Those are the things that, when we see, that people notice that we've gotten better at something, that we are paying attention, that we're doing it really well.
We have great handwriting, incredible slides, even like something really specific would be the transitions.
Like if you were to notice the way some people are so good at transitioning between slides, you know, now that we've seen X, we're going to dive into Y, which is the thing that you're all curious about.
That is like compliment heaven, because it's People don't really notice transitions, but they make a big difference in a presentation.
So that would be something very specific or an argument can be very specific.
Or I'm thinking that the way something is coded, or a finance solution, you know, very elegant, very creative.
Be specific.
All right, number three is to show the impact.
What difference does it make?
Does it inspire you?
Does it help you have less anxiety?
Does it give you ideas?
Does it encourage your team?
Does it help the company connect to the impact, right?
By the way, any of you who are psychologists, there's a psychological term called an inner quality.
When we notice somebody's inner quality, that effort is, that thought process, that skill, those kinds of compliments stick much longer as you can imagine than just saying oh, you look great today.
Which, by the way, telling somebody they look great is also that's allowed, but it's not the charisma top compliment.
All right, number four, keep it short.
Don't go on and on.
You know, one sentence is plenty. best delivered with a smile, timely.
Now the experts will always say, like training a dog or a toddler, you wanna give the feedback as soon as possible after the thing that's being complimented took place.
However, in my experience, I would argue that if you don't have time right then, and then let's say, you go on a trip and then you have more meetings and then two weeks later you see the person again.
If you tell them then that you remembered that two weeks ago they did this amazing thing in the meeting, that's a compliment.
You can live seven months off easily.
So it doesn't have to be right away.
The main thing is that you are likely to forget it if you don't.
But when you ever refer back to what someone said in the past, This doesn't apply exclusively to compliments.
It's about appreciating people in general and noticing people.
When you say, yeah, but I remember the last time we met, you said, blah, blah, blah.
Wow, are you remembered, right?
Because we don't even remember what we said ourselves.
Like we don't even remember, our memories are shot.
So if anybody listening has a good memory, use it when you're doing and giving compliments.
Now, real quick. how to receive compliments gracefully.
Say, oh, that was nothing.
Oh, no big deal.
You're like insulting the person who's giving you the compliment.
You're mitigating it.
It's like making them feel sorry I said anything.
No, don't do that.
You say, thank you.
Or you can say, thank you.
I appreciate that.
Keep it positive.
Be grateful.
Just take it.
Receive it.
Even if it was super easy, don't no.
Thank you.
Don't fish for more compliments.
Really?
Tell me why did you like it?
That's a little bit asking too much.
Nope.
Glad you liked it.
I appreciate your telling me.
Bam.
Over.
Thank you.
So, to recap, the 4S Framework for Outstanding Compliments, Sincere Compliments, Share the impact and keep it short.
When someone compliments you, say thank you.
And if you are interested in further increasing your executive presence, I highly recommend that you check out my executive presence scorecard, which is an assessment that covers the four pillars of my executive presence mastery program.
You can get that assessment by emailing me at hello at, speak up with lauracom and put the word score in the subject line and have a fantastic day and i will catch you on the next episode.
