Did you know that over 70% of people feel anxiety, not only about public speaking, but even starting a conversation?
Today, you will discover three micro skills so that people quickly warm up to you, whether it's the boardroom or a barbecue.
Welcome back to Speak Up, the podcast for high performing introverts, including you social introverts, where we reveal the charisma and communication secrets of A-listers so that you get the recognition and the opportunities you have earned.
I am your host, Laura Camacho, your magical executive presence coach, godmother, and strategist.
And by the end of today's episode, you will know why this charisma skill is absolutely indispensable for both professional and personal success. how to have the confidence that makes a great conversation inevitable, and what to say when you can't think of anything to say.
So today we're diving into this skill that's getting trickier and I have noticed it.
I think you probably have too. It's the charisma skill. of making conversation.
People are getting rusty at that skill. And as we lose... practice we also lose confidence but you know it's just so much easier to pull out your phone and stare at your screen and like and the emojis That's easy, but talking to people, especially someone you don't know or someone who has a higher place in the hierarchy that you do, that can be tricky.
But fear not, Mastering Conversation can transform your personal relationships and your professional opportunities.
Precisely because more people are losing their skill, you smart cookie, now is the time. to get really good at that skill.
And I'm going to help you with that today.
So what is the hardest part? especially with someone you don't know, it's getting the conversation started.
You know, you're standing next to someone at a social event, or even you can be in a meeting that's new to you sitting at the table and you don't know the person next to you or across the table, it can just feel like the silence shuts your brain down.
I mean, that's what happens to me, right?
That if I'm not prepared, I literally cannot think of anything to say, but I have a solution.
So you're going to be a skilled and relaxed conversationalist. and you can kick things off with ease so it should help you to know number one that most people are also awkward in fact if they don't seem friendly is Often that's the awkwardness speaking.
And if by any chance the other person is a skilled conversationalist, let's say they're a master at conversations. well, they're gonna be happy that somebody else is also good.
Sometimes people feel like they always have to make the conversation.
So it's a win-win. It's just a matter of doing it, right?
So the micro skill number one is starting the conversation with confidence.
And that means that you're open. You're open to getting to know this person.
There is a slight chance that they are not a skilled conversationalist and it may be A little rough in the beginning.
That has happened. I'm a realist, but that happens like two conversations out of a hundred. and in any case it's still good like it is a win no matter what when you give your best When you come up with a great conversation starter, or even a mediocre one, but you take the courage to start the conversation, that is a win. making you more skilled for future conversations.
Think of it as reps, right? You want to just be relaxed or if you can't be relaxed today, just get out a question or start with hello.
The easiest way is to use a simple context-based icebreaker.
That's going to feel natural. You could walk up to somebody at a party and say, oh, so what are your goals for this year?
And that would be an interesting conversation, but it's not really the right context, right?
I'm not saying don't do it because that would be a cool conversation and you would definitely be remembered. but it's awkward, so you wanna have something that's context-based.
So if it's a barbecue, have you tried the ribs yet?
And if you're a southerner, I know, A few of you are like we take barbecue seriously and it's very different in North Carolina from South Carolina and very different in Texas.
And even Korean barbecue is different. So have a conversation about barbecue.
If it's a meeting... Simply, hey, I don't think we've met.
Are you working on this project too? Are you excited about this?
It's good to see someone new. Where are you coming from?
Just showing interest in the other person and by keeping the conversation starter context-based, that makes it low-pressure, tied to the moment.
It makes it easy to respond to. And if you can smile and make eye contact, then you're signaling warmth.
And that's going to increase your likabilities in your first impression.
You can feel awkward and smile at the same time.
For example, in a networking event, you see somebody with a coffee and you can smile and say, is that coffee as good as it smells?
Or, hey, I see you've got coffee. I want tea.
You can end up talking about coffee versus tea or your favorite coffee shop.
Just keep it light and breezy. Light, relevant, sincere, that's all.
And you'll find most of the time the other person is delighted. to have someone to talk to.
Micro skill number one in this big charisma skill is to start the conversation with confidence.
And my suggestion is a context-based conversation. conversation starter.
You're smart. It's easy to come up with that.
Number two, ask open-ended questions. And you've heard that before, but sometimes it's tricky to not ask a yes or no question like, did you have a good weekend?
That's a normal question, but... Yes? No.
Are you ready for this meeting? Yes? No.
That just leads to a dead end of the conversation.
Remember, it should be like ping pong. You talk, the other person talks.
It doesn't need to be anybody dominating.
But if you ask a yes or no question, it's likely to be awkward or just going to take more effort to restart it.
This is something you want to think about.
What are the open-ended questions that you are personally interested in?
Tell me about what brings you here. What is your take on this project that we're doing?
What's something that you're working on?
What do you think about how this project is going?
I mean, it really can be anything. Let me tell you, sometimes people, you know, you ask an open ended question and they answer it and then you get stuck.
All right. So this is what you do. You say, tell me more.
And they will. I mean, it's unbelievable how well that works.
So tell me more about that. I use that all the time and it always works.
All right, micro skill number three, and this is so key to the positive feelings about you, and that's because you're going to provide value. positive feedback and validation.
You know, there's a time to give correctional feedback.
This conversation is not that time. This is all about affirming.
You're building the relationship. And remember, like when a plant is brand new, when it's just a little bitty plant.
It's delicate. A new baby is fragile. This relationship is fragile because there's not much history there.
So you want to really nourish the relationship, the new relationship with positive feedback and validation.
You can do that even if you're an engineer or an accountant.
That's the secret sauce. that turns a good conversation into a memorable one.
That is what makes people remember you with a really positive, Charisma thrives on positivity.
And you know I'm a realist. I'm going to tell you that if you're a realist like I am, you can still be positive.
It just takes more work. Because there's a blind positivity like, oh, it'll always work out.
It's always going to be good. Which may be true, I don't know.
When you're fully aware of the issues and the challenges and the problems and still be positive. that's golden, that's the filet mignon, that's where you wanna be.
Like no matter what's going on, You want to find the opportunity, the skill that we're learning, something that's authentically positive that you can validate and that's going to build the trust. at super fast speed, it will help you strengthen that relationship from early on.
So what are some comments you can make? Something like, oh, that's such a cool perspective.
I love how excited you are about that. That sounds like it was a big win for you.
You know, just like validate the positive aspect that you're hearing about.
Another example is that you're at a... A barbecue, it seems.
Someone shares a story about a recent vacation, right?
Because we're into fall now. in the US and people went on vacation.
Instead of saying, well, my trip was better, which is the one uppers, that's a tendency.
Don't do it. Say that sounds incredible.
You must have really enjoyed seeing those mountains or swimming in that ocean.
Smile, nod and just affirm the good time they had before you bring up your trips.
You know, don't make it about you. So let's wrap it up.
Mastering these three micro skills are going to give you that charisma conversation superpower.
You start the conversation with confidence.
Number two, you ask questions. Open-ended questions that are related to the context and three, provide positive feedback.
That makes you a charismatic, relaxed conversationalist.
That's your ticket to the personal connections that you need to meet your personal and professional goals.
Let me know how it goes. If you want to see how you score and all the skills that make up executive presence, I have something for you.
I have created the Executive Presence Scorecard.
It's complimentary. It's based on the four pillars of my Executive Presence Mastery System.
It will help you pinpoint the exact skills you need to work on to prepare yourself for senior leadership.
And there's a link in the show notes to that scorecard.
In any case, have a super-de-duper fantastic day and weekend.
And I will catch you on the next episode.
