I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast.
This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families.
Late one night, Bobby Gumbright became the victim of a random crime.
The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything.
I was a monster.
Listen to Burden of Guilt, Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby, we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023.
But what if we didn't get the whole story?
Evidence has been made to fit.
The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapsed.
What if the truth was disguised by a story we chose to believe?
Oh my God, I think she might be innocent.
Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letbe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Clayton Eckerd.
In 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.
But here's the thing.
Bachelor fans hated him.
If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would.
That's when his life took a disturbing turn.
A one-night stand would end in a courtroom.
The media is here.
This case has gone viral.
The dating contract.
Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you.
This is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
I'm Stephanie Young.
Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast.
I'm joined by Luke Combs, award-winning country music artist and one of the most authentic voices in music today.
The guy that says he's always going to be there and that will do anything to be there is the only guy that's not there.
No matter what, I'm going to prioritize my wife and my children.
I dread the conversation with my son.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
The FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world.
The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.
Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hello everybody, I'm Gemma Spake and welcome back to The Psychology of Your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast.
It is so great to have you here back for another episode, as we, of course, break down the psychology of our 20s.
Today, i have something really fun and scientific for you guys.
So if your favorite episodes of the podcast are when we kind of go deep into concepts and deep into research, you are going to love today's topic.
And even if you don't, I still think this is one of those ones you should definitely listen to, because it will tell you so much about how, how you operate your behaviors, your decision making, why you make decisions that you don't always actually want to make rationally.
Because today we are talking about the conscious versus unconscious mind and the role Each of them plays in our lives and why we kind of again, yeah make decisions that feel bizarre and hard to justify.
Why we have these reactions that come out of nowhere.
And yet we still keep doing them and we can't quite figure out how to change.
This is the unconscious mind.
This is the part of our existence and how we interpret the world we're going to really drill into today.
The idea that there are parts of us operating outside of our deliberate, rational control is not a new idea.
What's just changed over time and over the years is how we explain it.
And we cannot talk about the unconscious versus conscious mind without doing a little bit of a history.
Lesson first
So long before we had these words that I think we use so often these days unconscious conscious subconscious, a lot of brilliant ancient thinkers were describing basically the same thing.
This feeling that we, as humans, are split between what we know rationally and how we choose to behave emotionally.
This goes like all the way back to like Plato and Aristotle and Spinoza, who basically distinguished between what they called intuitive passions or appetites.
And then on the other hand, deliberate reason.
Plato, for example.
I like this metaphor.
He described the human soul as having three parts.
And he kind of described it as if we are sitting behind a chariot.
And the chariot represents us and represents our reason.
And we think we're the ones that are guiding it.
But really what's guiding the chariot are these two horses.
We're guided by these two, in his mind, two winged horses.
One represented us.
It represented our emotional and social knowledge and our desire to be good and to be reasonable and rational.
And then the other horse represented, like our wild side, like it represented our desire and desire, the appetite of, like the unbounded parts of the soul.
That is a very early representation of how we might now view our rational mind and how we might also view our impulses and emotions, or our, I guess, beliefs are our social behavior, each of them leading us in different directions.
If this sounds familiar to Freud's idea of the ego and the superego and the id, it's because it is.
Freud took a lot of his ideas from Plato and some of these ancient thinkers.
He is obviously one of the most famous psychoanalysts of all time.
And yeah, he based a lot of his work and the foundation of a lot of his theories on some of these metaphors.
And he kind of took those initial ideas and tried to format them or flesh them out even more.
And in his mind, the mind is divided into three parts.
The conscious mind.
So what you're aware of right now.
You know I'm sitting in this room, I'm looking around, there's a microphone in front of me,
I'm recording my podcast, my pre-conscious mind, things that are kind of just sitting below that.
I want to talk about where this idea is going, what I have to do next, how my mood is being impacted by things that happened earlier this morning.
And then the unconscious mind, material that, to him, is kept out of awareness, but it's still influencing you.
So you may have seen this, especially in like Psych 101 classes, represented as an iceberg.
That's a pretty classic way of representing it.
I still remember having that iceberg diagram in my psych textbooks.
But all of these things, the conscious, subconscious or preconscious, and unconscious, all kind of work together to form the person that we know as ourselves.
One thing Freud really emphasized though, was the role of dreams in being able to basically understand what the unconscious mind is doing below the surface.
So in his mind, we could never directly know what's happening unconsciously in our mind.
He basically said that dreams are one of the only ways of really being able to understand what's going on.
He wrote a whole book about it.
It's literally called The Interpretation of Dreams.
He also claimed that our dreams fulfilled our unconscious wishes.
So if you want to be famous, your dreams may reveal to you how you should do that.
Or if you feel guilty.
Your dreams may reveal to you how you're not or how you should forgive yourself.
He also says they reveal what we desire most or what we fear the most.
Some other ways that he said we could get in touch with the unconscious mind were the famous Freudian slip artwork, repressed memories.
These days, we know that's all probably less than accurate.
There may be some slight truth to it, some slight truth to our dreams, kind of working out some deep emotional wounds.
But Freud did get a lot of stuff wrong.
I think he did the best that he could with what he had, but he is still a controversial figure.
And this is a great place to kind of shift gears and talk about what we know about the unconscious and conscious mind.
Now, in the modern day, with a bit more technology, with a bit more scientific experimental practice going on,
Pretty simply, the conscious mind, in psychological terms, is the set of mental processes that you can deliberately direct, what you can hold in awareness, what you can reason about, what you can talk about, what you can see.
The big thing about the conscious mind, sorry, is that it's relatively slow.
It's very intentional, effortful.
It's kind of limited in its capacity as well.
So for example, you can't You really can't juggle more than a couple of things in your conscious mind at any one time.
It's why we're bad at multitasking.
It's why we get mentally overwhelmed.
It's why you say things automatically you don't really mean when a lot's going on around you.
I like to think of your conscious mind as like the spokesperson.
It is the person that, like the company, puts in front of the cameras who is like reading off the script that the unconscious mind has given it.
Or it's kind of more like it's putting together a speech from a bunch of dot points that the unconscious mind has given it.
It has some decision-making powers.
It directs a small amount of information.
It definitely applies a lot of reason and it interprets the small things that the unconscious mind gives it.
But beyond directing impulses and directing things around you, it also doesn't completely...
Your conscious mind cannot be aware of absolutely everything.
It's just responsible for constructing the story of who you are based on what it has access to.
Just basically, it interprets your human experience for you, but it doesn't always have a good grip on everything that's going on in kind of the back offices of the mind, right?
Again, think of this spokesperson or CEO analogy.
Let's use the CEO analogy.
The CEO may be upfront, but she is like nothing without the staff, whose jobs she can't possibly do all by herself.
And she can't possibly be aware of everything that's going on in the back offices all the time.
That's the unconscious mind.
The conscious mind is just the front man.
There's a lot going on behind the scenes.
One key aspect that the unconscious mind is responsible for is rapid evaluation that our conscious mind just isn't quick enough for.
You know whether something is good or bad, whether something is safe or unsafe, whether to approach or avoid, how to react in a situation of danger.
Before you consciously decide how you feel about a situation, or even about someone's tone or their physicality or their presence, your body often already knows.
Automatic evaluations.
They are what help us really move quickly in social and physical environments.
For example, if you meet somebody and you instantly feel uneasy but you can't explain why That's your unconscious mind, like your mind, has picked up on subtle cues like micro expressions or a mismatch between their words and their tone, without conscious awareness.
It's like that feeling in your gut, right?
Interestingly, actually, maybe not. a surprising fact for many people, but women are better at this.
Women are better at unconsciously picking up on these micro-expressions.
There was a study in 2020 that basically gave participants a bunch of portraits of people, either with an authentic or an unauthentic.
We're picking up on that incredibly quickly and with much higher accuracy.
This is because your unconscious mind is also responsible for always kind of having this idea of like, what are we gonna do next?
Or action preparation, ie if this person is dangerous, it knows what you're immediately going to do before you even know about it.
It's also responsible for associative learning, right?
That study right where these women could tell if people were inauthentic and the smile was not to be trusted.
Definitely your unconscious mind has picked up on times in the past where that's probably happened, where you've trusted somebody and they had a smile like that person and then they betrayed you.
Or you've trusted somebody and they've had an authentic smile like that person and they've ended up being a great friend.
Really, it's this embodied reaction.
We often label it as a gut reaction that comes from all these past experiences.
Childhood hurt.
Memories we've forgotten about that have lingered on in some form or another, often through automatic behaviors.
And sometimes this is amazing, right?
Intuitive reactions are really helpful.
Knowing how to follow your intuition is an amazing human ability.
To But other times this reaction can be really faulty.
It can be encoded through bias and through fear, so that you know, we often do respond in weird self-sabotaging ways or in a way that we don't really want to, because our conscious mind didn't sign off on it.
And that's the final thing the unconscious mind, or the theories say the unconscious mind is also really responsible for and plays a role in, is your habits and your context triggered behavior.
Habits aren't just repeated actions.
They are learnt links between a cue, a response and a feeling.
For example, choosing to exercise or not.
Yeah, your conscious mind might make the final decision.
And you might think that you have a say in whether you choose to exercise tonight or not.
But behind the scenes are all these associations that are pushing you towards one decision or another, like how you felt the last time you exercised your beliefs about people who exercise, that one time you were a kid and you were picked last for the football team, or you fell over, and now you forever resent exercise.
And there's always this like weird dark memory about it, even if you can't consciously remember that happening.
Another way we see this really interestingly is with a lot of our food choices, like how we choose what we buy at the grocery store.
So why is it important to separate the conscious from the unconscious?
What does that actually help us with behaviorally and emotionally and psychologically?
We're gonna talk about all of that and more, and the important lessons we can really take from unconscious impulses.
After the short break.
Stay with us.
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast.
This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families.
Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime.
He pulls the gun, tells me to lie down on the ground.
He identified Jermaine Hudson as the perpetrator.
Jermaine was sentenced to 99 years imprisonment.
I'm like, Lord, this can't be real.
I thought it was a mistaken identity.
The best lie is partial truth.
For 22 years, only two people knew the truth.
Until a confession changed everything.
I was a monster.
Listen to Burden of Guilt, Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
In 2023, a story gripped the UK, evoking horror and disbelief.
The nurse who should have been in charge of caring for tiny babies is now the most prolific child killer in modern British history.
Everyone thought they knew how it ended.
A verdict, a villain, a nurse named Lucy Letby.
Lucy Letby has been found guilty.
But what if we didn't get the whole story?
The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses.
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast Doubt, The Case of Lucy Lettby, we follow the evidence and hear from the people that lived it to ask what really happened when the world decided who Lucy Lettby was.
No voicing of any skepticism or doubt.
It'll cause so much harm at every single level if the British establishment of this is wrong.
Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letbe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
China's Ministry of State Security is one of the most mysterious and powerful spy agencies in the world.
But in 2017, the FBI got inside.
This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall.
This MSS officer has no idea the U.S. government is on to him.
But the FBI has his chats, texts, emails, even his personal diary.
Hear how they got it on the Sixth Bureau podcast.
I now have several terabytes of an MSS officer, no doubt, no question, of his life.
And that's a unicorn.
No one had ever seen anything like that.
It was unbelievable.
This is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.
Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Clayton Eckerd, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.
Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan.
He became the first Bachelor to ever have his final rose rejected.
The internet turned on him.
If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would.
But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines.
It began as a one-night stand and ended in a courtroom, with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal.
The media is here.
This case has gone viral.
The dating contract.
Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you.
Please search warrant.
This is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
This season an epic battle of he said, she said and the search for accountability in a sea of lies.
I have done nothing except get pregnant by the bachelors.
Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast.
I'm joined by Luke Combs, award-winning country music artist and one of the most authentic voices in music today.
Luke opens up about success self-doubt, mental health and what it really takes to stay true to who you are when your life changes overnight.
I hate fame.
I hate the word celebrity.
I hate those words.
They make me uncomfortable.
But I think when you get to a certain point, the fame or the success or the influence, it just accentuates and exacerbates the inherent person that you are.
The guy that says he's always going to be there and that will do anything to be there is the only guy that's not there.
I'm in Australia when Beau was born.
My whole identity is that, no matter what I'm going to, prioritize my wife and my children over my job.
I dread the conversation with my son.
What do you think you'd say?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
So why can't we just lump? our conscious and our unconscious together and call it a day.
Like that's our mind.
It just is what it is.
Like why do we actually have to understand them separately?
Well, these habits we were talking about, right?
Those like repetitive behaviors or things that we keep doing.
That is why it's important to know what comes from your conscious goal directed you, your higher self, and what comes from something deeper right.
The quote I always use.
I feel like I've been quoting Carl Jung a lot in recent episodes, but this quote is spectacular for what we're talking about today.
Carl Jung, one of the grandfathers of modern psychology.
He said until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and we will call it fate.
And this is what we're talking about.
I think a lot of us assume that we're pretty self-aware as people, especially if you've done a lot of that deep emotional work or you've been in therapy, especially if you talk openly about your feelings.
You're like, yeah, I know myself.
I know what's going on.
But a lot of research says that most of these behaviors and this knowledge is really just scratching the surface.
There is a pretty famous piece of literature psychology literature from the 1970s where essentially these researchers, Nisbet and Wilson, realized that wait, we really don't know why we make certain choices.
We really don't know what produces our judgments.
And when we're asked to explain why we make certain decisions, often we'll just give an answer that sounds reasonable, even if that is not the true reason, just to kind of make our unconscious actions make sense.
And this study was like fundamental in showing this.
So essentially, they put these participants in a room, or I don't know how they actually did it, whether it was one by one, I think it was.
And they put them in front of like a clothing rack.
And there were these series of clothing items and they didn't have any tags on them and they just asked them to choose which item was the best.
So which item was the best, had the best quality, which one did they prefer the most?
The thing was the items were almost identical and most people chose the item that was simply the furthest to the right.
They just, for whatever reason, people kept going back to this one.
They were all the same.
This one at the very end.
And...
They would feel all these items.
Whether it was because it was the last item they felt, because it was on the very end, or the last item they saw, it didn't really matter.
For some reason, they were all choosing this particular piece.
And when they were asked, why did you choose this item?
Participants never mentioned the positioning.
They never mentioned anything about that.
They weren't even consciously aware of it.
Instead, they just gave these explanations, like this one had this very particular sense to it or this very particular texture, and I could tell it was better.
Or this one.
The fiber count reminded me most of like this sweater I had as a kid that my mom spent a lot of money on.
Like they were just, it wasn't that they were lying.
It's just that there were these underlying unconscious processes that were impacting their choices that they didn't have access to.
And yet their conscious mind had to justify it.
And this is a way that human behavior can be manipulated.
That is one of the biggest reasons why we have to understand it.
The group, who know a lot about this and know very well how to manipulate these unconscious shortcuts or choices, are actually advertisers.
And also, this may surprise you, we talked about grocery stores before.
The people who stock your supermarket shelves, they know a lot about the unconscious mind.
Did you know that most of our shopping decisions are based on placement alone?
So the majority of us, if we were given, let's say, 20 options for like jam or pasta or sauce or whatever, we're just going to buy what's like directly in our line of sight, like 90 of the time.
Yeah, like price and quality will sometimes come into play, but big brands will literally pay top dollar to buy shelf space right in the middle, right in that line of sight.
And that's why the most popular brands will often sit there, even if you choose not to buy that product.
Why you buy a different one is also due to your unconscious mind.
For example, supermarkets always put the most expensive items at the top.
That slightly higher price makes it feel slightly better and makes you feel slightly better about yourself being able to afford something that isn't the basic choice, because it feeds your ego.
It feeds some unconscious part of your mind that needs validation.
Maybe you choose a certain pasta sauce because one time somebody really attractive who reminded you of your childhood crush, you saw them buying that pasta sauce.
You don't remember that happening, but now that's the one you always buy.
Maybe it was the one that your parents always chose.
That is a huge influence.
What our parents buy is often what continues to influence us, even when we think we're making our own conscious decision.
You need to understand the unconscious mind again, because people are using it to direct your behavior, maybe against your actual wants.
People can manipulate it, but also because imagine we're not in a grocery store.
Imagine we're around our friends.
Imagine we're with somebody that we're dating.
Those same automatic, ingrained mental shortcuts that dictate your grocery choices also then dictate how you behave in those situations as well.
Like, why you pick a fight over something small that seems to mean absolutely nothing.
Why you get so defensive towards criticism, even though you rationally know it's like a healthy part of a relationship.
Why, for some reason, like your friend interrupting you drives you mad.
But like, she could be as late as she want.
She could literally steal money from you and you don't care.
But as soon as she's mad like that's this weird disrespect that you don't know why you respond, but you do.
Your unconscious mind is trained to respond to whatever you repeatedly experience, rehearse and emotionally encode, especially when it happens early often, or intensely.
That is really how your unconscious mind is trained early, often or intensely frequency, intensity or the age at which it occurred.
A big aspect that impacts our unconscious mind is obviously you may have guessed this our early learnings, our family, our childhood experiences, even and some would say this experiences you had in the womb or generationally.
Literally.
There is this idea called collective unconscious, which says that our deepest beliefs and our ways of seeing the world are spiritually inherited before we even are conscious beings.
Your unconscious mind is being formed way before your conscious mind even catches up.
Whilst I think that's pretty hard to prove scientifically and there's yet to be a lot of proof, scientific proof for it, we do know that you absorb the rules of your environment before you are consciously aware of them.
Things like how love is shown, what happens when you're upset, whether mistakes when you were a child were punished or repaired, Whether your needs were welcomed or inconvenient, whether you were bullied, how you were taught to behave, things that really traumatized you or excited you as a kid.
They are what are creating the rules for your unconscious mind.
And they become the template for how life works, how relationships work, how everything in the world works.
Even in adulthood, your body will keep running these childhood rules until you consciously update them.
And this is why therapeutic tools like you know, like talk therapy, or learning to reparent yourself, or reprocessing, or processing for the first time or trauma, are so effective.
You know, these are the stuff that we're not necessarily aware of all the time.
We kind of know what happens.
We don't really get the wounds that it's causing.
And it's not until you like, really like, get in the trenches and like dig deep almost like an archaeologist and you bring up this stuff with a professional right.
That you get yourself a bit more and you really understand what causes these patterns in your behavior.
So how can you recognize when your unconscious mind is really steering things in a way that isn't benefiting you?
Because your unconscious mind is steering a lot.
Some of it's great.
We don't need to touch that.
How do we figure out when we do?
We do need to like do some of that.
Again, archaeological digging.
As Freud said, there will be signs.
It's probably not going to be dreams, though, or disturbing art or Freudian slips.
That's probably not the only way.
That's not the best way to get access to this.
Instead, and I hate to say it, it's probably going to be the natural consequences of your actions and of your behavior.
I wish we could interpret everything that was wrong with us unconsciously through our dreams.
It'd be a lot easier.
No, it's probably going to have a bit more realistic tangible, a more realistic tangible feel to it.
One way to know is when you keep repeating a pattern, even though consciously you want something different.
You might genuinely want to rest, but you keep overworking and you feel terrible about it because you're not seeing your family or your friends.
But you cannot stop.
You might really want a healthy relationship.
You really want to be with somebody who loves you.
But you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people.
Repetition with regret.
You might really want to stand up for yourself.
And you really want to start that business.
And you really want to be a self-made success.
But when it comes down to it, you put yourself in a box.
You apologize.
You can't put yourself out there.
You feel this kind of stagnation like there is, like this ceiling to how much you can achieve.
You know your wiring says to you that is not something that is available to us, that is not who we are based on past experiences.
That gap, that gap, is important.
The gap between what you consciously want and what you repeatedly do or believe is the clearest sign of an automatic reflex that is built on unconscious, unhelpful mechanisms.
Another time that you can notice that your unconscious is like in control in a way that's not great is when your reactions feel bigger than the situation that is in front of you.
A useful, a very useful tool or clue is when you feel this real sense of urgency to respond in a specific way to a situation.
If it feels like I have to do this right now to feel okay.
Otherwise, I don't know any other way to respond to this.
That is often the unconscious mind trying just to reduce discomfort as efficiently as possible.
And it's just trying to protect you in the way that made sense in the past.
If a small comment sends you into panic and rage and shut down and you just like don't know where that has come from.
Or if you find yourself like overreacting, just like rapidly, and then you feel super confused afterwards.
That is often an automatic threat response.
And these kinds of situations we are responding to through memory, and we're responding based on past meaning rather than what is actually happening in the present moment.
And it definitely is a sign like something deeper is being activated or triggered here that maybe we're not aware of, or maybe we are, but we don't want to think of.
Just to give you some more examples
Like I'm trying to think about what would be a good one.
So, for example, if your friend always chooses the restaurant and And you start getting like really annoyed at them, really annoyed at them.
And you do not know why.
Is it really them, or is it because you don't like being directed, or because you're not in control of plans?
Because somebody else choosing a restaurant probably shouldn't elicit that much of an emotional reaction, but you think it really says something about you.
Or if your partner doesn't say I love you, back in like the specific right tone at the right time and like you go into this full tizzy.
Is it about them?
Or is it that you like maybe always secretly question whether anyone could truly love you, because your parents didn't show you that much affection?
Or because a relationship in the past made you feel worthless?
It's worth asking.
Once you are aware of these markers and these reactions that just seem really disproportionate, you are basically more aware than I would say 90 of people, probably higher.
So like noticing it feels very shameful sometimes and feels very much like awkward and weird.
And I actually think that's the greatest place to start in that discomfort of recognizing behaviors you don't like about yourself because it isn't your fault.
It definitely isn't your fault most of the time.
That like this is who you are and this is how you were programmed.
And this is how your, this is what your unconscious mind chooses to prioritize, and It is your responsibility though, which really sucks.
It's just another one of those extra fun things about being an adult, but we can definitely do it.
We can definitely take responsibilities for these behaviors and change the outcome and change the behavioral loop.
So we're going to take one final break here.
And then, when we come back, I want to give you three ways to to do this and to reprogram your unconscious mind as much as we possibly can as conscious individuals.
So stay with us.
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast.
This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families.
Late one night, Bobby Gumbright became the victim of a random crime.
He pulls the gun, tells me to lie down on the ground.
He identified Jermaine Hudson as the perpetrator.
Jermaine was sentenced to 99 years.
I'm like, Lord, this can't be real.
I thought it was a mistaken identity.
The best lie is partial truth.
For 22 years, only two people knew the truth.
Until a confession changed everything.
I was a monster.
Listen to Burden of Guilt, Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
In 2023, a story gripped the UK, evoking horror and disbelief.
The nurse who should have been in charge of caring for tiny babies is now the most prolific child killer in modern British history.
Everyone thought they knew how it ended.
A verdict, a villain, a nurse named Lucy Letby.
Lucy Letby has been found guilty.
But what if we didn't get the whole story?
The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses.
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast Doubt, The Case of Lucy Lettby, we follow the evidence and hear from the people that lived it to ask what really happened when the world decided who Lucy Lettby was.
No voicing of any skepticism or doubt.
It'll cause so much harm at every single level if the British establishment of this is wrong.
Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letbe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
China's Ministry of State Security is one of the most mysterious and powerful spy agencies in the world.
But in 2017, the FBI got inside.
This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall.
This MSS officer has no idea the U.S. government is on to him.
But the FBI has his chats, texts, emails, even his personal diary.
Hear how they got it on the Sixth Bureau podcast.
I now have several terabytes of an MSS officer, no doubt, no question, of his life.
And that's a unicorn.
No one had ever seen anything like that.
It was unbelievable.
This is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.
Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Clayton Eckerd, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.
Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan.
He became the first Bachelor to ever have his final rose rejected.
The internet turned on him.
If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would.
But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines.
It began as a one-night stand and ended in a courtroom, with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal.
The media is here.
This case has gone viral.
The dating contract.
Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you.
Please search warrant.
This is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
This season an epic battle of he said, she said and the search for accountability in a sea of lies.
I have done nothing except get pregnant by the bachelors.
Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast.
I'm joined by Luke Combs, award-winning country music artist and one of the most authentic voices in music today.
Luke opens up about success self-doubt, mental health and what it really takes to stay true to who you are when your life changes overnight.
I hate fame.
I hate the word celebrity.
I hate those words.
They make me uncomfortable.
But I think when you get to a certain point, the fame or the success or the influence, it just accentuates and exacerbates the inherent person that you are.
The guy that says he's always going to be there and that will do anything to be there is the only guy that's not there.
I'm in Australia when Beau was born.
My whole identity is that, no matter what I'm going to, prioritize my wife and my children over my job.
I dread the conversation with my son.
What do you think you'd say?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
I personally think one of the biggest signs of intelligence somebody is choosing not just to accept your situation or learnt behavior for what it is, choosing not just to say like this is the way I am and this is how I've always been, so why do I have to change?
But instead instead, taking action on behalf of your better self and on behalf of the person you want to be, even if you are not there yet.
In fact, research has shown research has shown time and time again that one of the biggest signs of low mental flexibility and therefore low mental intelligence or emotional intelligence, I should say is being unable to take accountability or see any issue with our own behavior.
That is not going to be us, though.
That is Is not going to be us.
Because we know.
We know what we're responsible for.
Now we're going to change it.
Recognizing.
Ways you may be self-sabotaging is not a weakness.
Most people will never do this in their entire lives.
So this is what we're going to do next.
The first step.
According to the incredible author Brianna Weist I think her name is Brianna Weist
You will know her though.
She wrote the book 101 Essays to Change the Way You Think.
She also wrote The Pivot Year, The Mountain Is You.
I think she has another book coming out, but...
One of the best things that she said about this rewiring of the unconscious is if you want to change your behavior and you want to rewire how your unconsciousness or unconscious brain responds to things, you have to signal to your subconscious and your unconscious that another reality is possible.
Essentially, you have to be able to imagine a new scenario. and a better scenario for yourself.
And the more you practice that imagined scenario in your brain, by rehearsing it, by visualizing it, the more it feels real.
So you've recognized the response that you want to change.
Now you are essentially reprogramming The possibility of a different outcome that could come afterwards.
Your brain often treats objective reality and your thoughts about a potential reality or your imagination is the same.
And that means that if you think it can be true, your brain starts to believe it as well.
That's cognitive rewiring.
It's literally the same neurological patterns that create anxiety, just in the reverse, right?
Your brain cooks up these like what-if possibilities and over-invests in them, because it can't always tell imagined reality from actual reality.
In this situation, though, we're going to overthink the best-case scenario.
We are, like, reverse...
Reverse engineering this to help us out.
As Brianna says, you have to be willing to see it's possible before the reality of possibility follows.
Whether that is in a relationship, whether that is imagining how you are going to break out of um your cycle of dating emotionally unavailable people, you have to imagine that that's possible.
Whether it is um breaking out of a pattern of rage and anger, you have to imagine it's possible.
First, whether it is breaking out of a pattern of not communicating with your friends and always having these like dramatic friendship blow-ups.
If you cannot imagine a different way of doing it, you're not going to be able to do it.
So part of this practice is like almost to Kind of like a creative writing, creative rewiring exercise of like write your own adventure, write your own ending.
How is this going to go?
Second, once you have the imagined alternative scenario, just keep the programming really, really simple.
Choose one behavior, one reaction, one automatic choice you make that you don't particularly like and target that.
This was advice that was written about in the New Scientist in 2018.
They actually did this whole series on, like reprogramming your unconscious.
If you want to pay for a subscription,
But essentially what they said, or what the author of this article said, was that we have to start small.
We have to start on the most micro level to gain access to our unconscious and rewire it.
So creating a singular if-then plan where the then is the desired behavior.
That is what we're talking about.
If I'm in this situation, then this is how I'm going to respond.
There's actually such strong evidence.
It's been written about so many times.
This is not an original idea for me, by the way, at all.
This has been written about and studied so often that one of the simplest ways to gain more control over automatic impulses is to pre-decide what your response is going to be in advance.
It's also a way that people recover from addiction faster. you know, one behavior at a time.
There was a major 2006 meta-analysis so a little bit old now, but this big meta-analysis that pulled together results from dozens of studies and they tested what these are called.
These are called implementation intentions, right?
Those if-then plans, like if it's 10 p.m., then I'm in bed.
If it's the morning then I'm not on my phone.
That's a bad one, like if I feel the urge to people please, then I will email somebody and say I'll get back to you.
Then I will give myself 20 minutes to respond.
If I'm angry at my partner, then I'll take a walk.
Those kind of implementation intentions across all these studies.
People who had these in place, people who had the imagined better scenario, were significantly more likely to follow through on their new habits and intentions than people who just set a general broad desire to change.
So people who are like, I want to be better.
I want to be a better person.
I want to be healthier, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
They weren't able to really do it.
But when you could say this is my trigger or this is the situation I normally unconsciously respond to, and this is how I want to respond differently, when you could really identify A and B, your chances of success skyrocketed.
And the explanation for that.
Sorry, just to drill into this a little bit more.
The explanation for that is that the if part is the crucial part because it makes you more sensitive to to what is cueing the automatic response that you would normally perform.
If.
The if is making you aware of what in your environment triggers a response, what in your environment makes you particularly sensitive, what in your environment your past has made you particularly reactive to, and then it interrupts the normal loop that your unconscious or automatic response behaviors would want to perform and is like this is our exit.
Then we will do something else.
Another way to feel more in control of the impulses of the unconscious mind, especially the ones again i keep saying this the ones we don't want.
Your unconscious mind does great things, but another way to feel in control of those that we don't particularly enjoy is really simply to just move slower.
When we talk about impulses, we're often really talking about bottom up automatic, like automatic processing and like automatic emotional responses.
Right,
It's coming from something very deep in us.
And these responses are often generated by much older ancient brain systems.
The ones that would have come about first the amygdala, the limbic system, the midbrain structures, right.
Literally, if you looked at a cross section of the brain, they are right in the center.
They're the most protected because they're the most important.
These systems, they are fast.
They are efficient.
They are designed for survival.
It doesn't want you to wait for nuance.
Your automatic behaviors don't care about your long-term goals.
They don't want to consult you about how your reaction might meet your vision of your ideal self.
When you are stressed, when you are sleep deprived, when you are overstimulated, when you are emotionally flooded, the balance between your limbic system and your prefrontal cortex is shifts, so that your ability to intentionally interrupt a behavior or intentionally interrupt I don't know reaction, it just goes way down.
It's hard to get in front of that bus.
In high arousal states, you are again more likely to return to the default or to your habitual behaviors.
And so your window for tolerance of discomfort and your ability to interrupt it, it just narrows.
Slowing down, on the other hand, interrupts that cascade of stuff that's happening.
From a neurobiological perspective.
Deliberately slowing, you know, reducing even your walking pace, deliberately making yourself in less of a rush all the time, slowing down your breathing, slowing down your speech, slowing down your physical movement, slowing down how you eat, even whether you rush breakfast over the counter or you sit down and enjoy it.
Slowing down all of that stuff increases parasympathetic nervous system activity, which means better emotional regulation and stronger like top down control rather than bottom up response.
You are literally making it biologically, neurologically easier to choose a better outcome for yourself, rather than just reacting.
You can't manage what is unconscious if you are always in a reactive state.
It's just not possible.
So this is probably the most important thing of all.
Do...
Do the talk therapy, do the inner child healing, do all of that, do the historical work.
But if your nervous system is not regulated, if you are not going about life more intentionally and I feel like intentionality is such a buzzword, but it's true
If you do not work on these high-level intentions and slowing down your life...
And reducing stress in whatever way you can.
I know it's a busy life, but reducing stress in whatever way you can.
Your ability to signal to your body that you want to perform this new set of narratives and that you want to respond differently is going to be very, very difficult.
But I still think you're able to do it.
I still think that, even just recognizing, to begin with, the role of your unconscious mind and what it's kind of doing not doing to you, but what it's trying to do for you based on the past, based on past hurt, based on past fear trauma, even good things,
That is a great place to begin.
I know for me, and I feel like I've been talking about this a lot in recent episodes.
You can tell I'm really.
This is what I'm going through at the moment.
But My big thing has been realizing how I unconsciously like respond to social threats, especially with my friends, and reflecting on you know how, when I was a kid, like I wasn't accepted and I was bullied and I didn't have many friends and I was very lonely.
And so I would always have this weird reaction when like, people would hang out without me or I don't know, things of that nature would happen where I would get really irritated and I would self-sabotage in a way where I would put even more distance between myself and that friend, even when they were kind of like hey, what the heck is going on.
That's been a big thing for me, realizing that unconsciously, everything that my brain is trying to do is to make life safer for me and is trying to protect me from past hurt.
And the thing is, is that I'm not in that situation anymore.
I'm not that child or that teenager or that kid who was like feeling very socially rejected.
I'm an adult who has a brilliant life and who is really focused on brilliant friendships.
Those patterns from my past like don't fit here anymore.
And if I keep them up and if I keep performing them like, I'm gonna lose a really good thing.
So just noticing it and being as intentional as possible and being like I don't want to be this person anymore, just one of the most brilliant things that you can do or start like, not just in your 20s, but like at any age.
You can be in your 60s and it's still going to be great.
You could be in your 90s and this is still an effective, Wonderful thing for us to do.
So I hope you enjoyed this episode.
I hope it's given you some insight, stirred up some conversation.
As always, thank you to our brilliant researcher Libby Colbert for her help with this episode.
So much research went into this and it's just like always such a fascinating topic. to return to whether you're like in the intro stages of psychology or like more advanced.
I feel like it's one of my, yeah, it's one of my favorite things to discuss.
If you are listening on Spotify, leave a little brain emoji below.
So I know that you made it to the end of the episode and thank you for sticking around.
I very much appreciate it.
Make sure that you are following us on instagram, on substack, if you want the yeah, if you want the links to this article and to look at all the research we used.
You can also watch us now on netflix.
If you're in the us or canada, please tag me in your pictures, tag me in your stories of you watching the podcast.
The vibe is amazing and You can see all these cool props behind me right now.
It just brings I don't know a whole deeper level to what we're doing today and what we're talking about.
So thank you again for listening.
Hopefully I see you over on Netflix if you are in the US or elsewhere.
I'm sorry, I can't help you with that right now, but hopefully soon.
And until next time, be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself.
We will talk very, very shortly.
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 2 podcast.
This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families.
Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime.
The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything.
I was a monster.
Listen to Burden of Guilt, Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letby, we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023.
But what if we didn't get the whole story?
Evidence has been made to fit.
The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses.
What if the truth was disguised by a story we chose to believe?
Oh my God, I think she might be innocent.
Listen to Doubt, The Case of Lucy Letbe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Clayton Eckerd.
In 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.
But here's the thing.
Bachelor fans hated him.
If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would.
That's when his life took a disturbing turn.
A one-night stand would end in a courtroom.
The media is here.
This case has gone viral.
The dating contract.
Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you.
This is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
I'm Stephanie Young.
Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast.
I'm joined by Luke Combs, award-winning country music artist and one of the most authentic voices in music today.
The guy that says he's always going to be there and that will do anything to be there is the only guy that's not there.
No matter what, I'm going to prioritize my wife and my children.
I dread the conversation with my son.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
The FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world.
The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.
Listen to The Sixth Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
This is an iHeart Podcast.
Guaranteed human.
