What if kittens played the glockenspiel?
What if unicorns were real?
What if you could fly or travel back in time?
We welcome you to What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr. Eric, your host, and today we're starting off with a question from a listener named Reagan.
Reagan on Spotify wrote, What if everyone had only one feeling?
Thanks, and I love your story.
Thank you for your kind words.
And we're going to add one more question into this mix, from Everett M, who emailed to write what if zombies were real?
And yes, we've had many zombie questions lately from kids like Leo, Casper, and Oliver.
I want to thank you and all of you for your ideas.
Finally, we're going to keep a secret question from Amos.
He's a long time listener who has sent in many, many, many ideas.
And you'll hear from him at the end.
So let's find out what if everyone had only one feeling.
What if zombies were real?
And what if we answered a secret question from Amos?
Your story starts after a quick break.
In What If World there's a place called the Y-Way that loop-de-loops and criss-crosses up, down and all around.
When you really need to get on the Y-Way, suddenly it's right in front of you.
And the rest of the time, it's just out of sight.
It runs underground and through the sky, all the way around the world and through it too.
And while it can get you anywhere, they call it the Y-Way, because it never takes you quite where you expect, but always gets you where you need to be.
And today, you need to be in the town of Brainbow.
And yes, you heard that bee.
Not Rainbow, but Brainbow.
Brainbow was a little town, the kind that sometimes dots the highways of America, held together by a few shops, a few houses and one big parking lot.
And yes, as you might have guessed, the people of Brainbow were mostly zombies, plus a few vampires ghosts ghouls skeletons, sentient disembodied limbs and the like.
But if you were spending your afternoon in Brainbow, You wouldn't have to worry about being eaten by these creatures, because they never felt hunger or anger or sadness or boredom or curiosity.
They only ever felt one feeling, and I'll let you guess what it is.
Rung the diner doorbell as it opened and a familiar-looking dog and cat walked into Brainbow's one and only restaurant.
Welcome to the bear claw.
My name's Zerda.
Now you two cuties just sit anywhere and let me know what you need.
Zerda was a big bear of a zombie, because she was an actual zombie bear, and she amiably ushered in the bemused Fred the Dog and JF Cat.
Yeah, well, thank you.
You know, I used to be a zombie.
So I'm not scared or anything.
It's just you are really big, and your place is called the Bear Clown.
There's a lot of scratch marks around here, said Fred, the former zombie dog, who was now just an old pug with a tongue too long for his mouth.
Hey, a bear needs to scratch, just like a cat.
Said JF Cat, a fluffy black and white cat, often seen wearing a red bow tie and a blue top hat accented by a purple ribbon which had a tiny fish skeleton jutting out of it.
Whoa, mr eric, i don't think you've ever spent so much time describing a character, said jf cat, forgetting that he was part of the story and there was a big zombie bear trying to take his food order.
All right, how rude of me.
Do you have any tuna fish?
Sorry hon, as a mostly undead town, we only serve meat substitute.
Forget about it.
Oh, I know.
I want your brainberry pie.
Fred, that's disgusting.
Oh, no.
It's not what you think.
Brainberries are just big, fluffy pink berries that are in the shape of brains.
They're very squishy.
And juicy.
No.
And surprisingly meaty.
Why?
There's no need to be so squeamish about our brainberries, said Zerto, lumbering over to their table and adjusting her little paper hat.
Think of them like little balls of pink lemonade-flavored tofu.
Could we please stop talking about brain berries?
Okay, fluffums.
I'll just get you a cup of Joe.
But I'm Joe.
Jojo, I'm sure she doesn't mean it's a cup of Jojo Fluffy Cat.
Then what does she mean?
Jojo suddenly darted out of the diner.
And Fred, rolling his big brown eyes, followed after.
JFK had gone to hide inside the magic tchotchke shop of Zad the Zagnificent.
Hey there, little kitty.
What brings you in here? said Zad.
They looked and sounded like a child who was still waiting for a few teeth to grow back in.
But it was hard to tell a zombie's age just by looking.
Oh!
Hi, said Jojo, feeling a little less intimidated by this small zombie than by the bear-sized one.
Sorry, uh, my friend and I were sort of lost, and I just got a little freaked out in the diner.
Well, you're never lost when you're with that magnificent.
I've got the answers to all your problems.
Welcome to Gob's and Bodkin's.
Gob's and Bodkin's.
Yeah, it's the name of my shop.
And as JFK looked around, there was a lot of goblin-themed tchotchkes.
The little creatures sculpted into lamps and end tables and paperweights.
But of course, there were many bodkins too.
Staplers, snow globes, pencils with oversized novelty erasers, rubber brains, brain balls, brain-shaped bins and piggy banks.
Okay, they get it, Mr. Eric.
I got plenty of gobs and bodkins and they all have the magical power to make you feel only one feeling.
Oh, which feeling?
I mean, come on.
If you could only ever feel one feeling, which would it be?
J.F.
Cat was reaching for a tree made out of sticks.
Hanging from it was a fluffy little mouse ornament with an extra large fluffy exposed brain.
Come on, it's the least creepy thing in the store, Mr. Eric.
Excellent choice, my good kitty.
And as Jojo reached for the ornament, Fred the dog walked into the Bear Claw Diner.
Well, hey there, hon. greeted Zerta the Bear.
Thought you'd gone and run out on us.
I do as little running as possible, being an extremely old dog, said Fred, looking rather confused.
Anyway, could I get you a finest slice of brainberry pie?
Oh, that brain pie must have given you very smart powers, said Fred taking a seat at a different booth.
Well, where's your friend?
Asked Zerda, putting down a slice of brainberry pie in front of Fred and a cup of joe at the other side of the table.
Oh my gosh!
You know about my friend?
Honey, maybe you're playing a trick, but it's a good thing I'm incapable of feeling offended.
So just enjoy your pie.
And Zerta thundered away.
As who should come back into the diner?
At that very moment, you guessed it.
Fred the dog.
Again.
Well, I looked all over for JFK.
Except I didn't go into any of the stores because I was feeling hungry.
Well, why don't you come sit with me, Fred, and enjoy some of this brainberry pie?
Oh, that sounds absolutely delightful, Fred.
Thank you very much.
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.
We just happen to have the same name and look exactly alike.
Almost exactly alike.
And if Zerda was capable of feeling confusion, it would have tripled, as three JF cats suddenly entered the diner.
Why would a zombie want to eat your brains?
Because they're so delicious.
So tiny's more like it.
Very funny.
We'll just take a cup of Joe to go.
Not a cup of Joe-Joe-Joe.
Why'd I have to get stuck with this Joe-Joe-Jokester?
Oh, that's a good one.
Joe-Joe-Jokester, I like it.
Back at Gob's and Bodkin's.
Zad the Zagnificent was smiling over JFK who held the fluffy brain mouse ornament in his yet fluffier paws.
What gives?
I touched the ornament and everything.
Shouldn't the magic have affected me?
Well, first you gotta pay for it, buddy.
Dang the magic.
It'll affect you forever.
Oh, I think I might need that.
You see, I'm not the real JFK.
Just terrible.
Except I'm only just learning your name now, so I'm really discussing.
Recently someone started swinging around the sort of if, making countless duplicates of me and Fred the Dog.
Okay, yeah, I guess that is terrible.
You don't understand!
I came into existence knowing nothing more than my name and also how to talk, and that I love tuna fish.
Well, that's more than a zombie comes into the world knowing.
What, really?
Yep.
It's tough being undead.
That's why I made these magic chopsticks.
Whenever undead come through this town, feeling lost.
Yeah, I guess, when you're always happy, you're just always happy.
Well, if you say so.
I'll go get all my fellow JFK and Fred the Dog clones, but we'll buy out your whole store.
Then we'll be happy like you forever.
Yeah, sure.
JFK went back to the diner which was now overrun with JoJo's and Fred the Dog's and one very busy Zerda.
Another slice of flamboyant pie, please.
Make mine a double.
I don't know what's in this, Joe, but I want more.
Okay, just give me a break, sweeties.
I'll get you one at a time.
The Freds and JFKats kept piling in.
Fred tongues making the floors slimy and slippery.
JFKat claws scratching up every cushion, while others...
Oh, that was a big one.
Kept knocking down coffee mugs and watching them break on the ground.
Well, if you would please not do that, that'd be kindly appreciated, said Zerda as she went on with a strained smile on her face, as if another feeling was trying to push its way out, but just couldn't.
Everybody, listen to me meow, cried our JFK.
Not the original one, mind you.
But the first one you met in this story.
Huh?
What?
Seriously?
Shh!
Listen to Jojo.
I know many of you are feeling sad and lost and confused.
I'm more feeling hungry for sticks.
Hungry for sticks, many of you, I'm sure.
Oh, ain't it the truth?
I think I could go for a stick.
Set a chair, Fred Hybrid.
Who I won't spend too much time describing.
Which one of us is the butt?
Oh, boy.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
You needn't worry.
Actually, I am pretty worried about the butt thing.
But all you have to do is go next door to Gob's and Bodkin's and buy one of his magical tchotchkes, and then you'll just feel happy forever, like all the other undead here.
Ooh.
You're telling me this is what happy forever looks like?
And Fred the dog shaped his tongue into a hand with a thumb, gesturing toward Zerta.
Yeah, happy all the time.
It's just wonderful sweetie, said the bear sweeping up broken mugs while carrying a tray full of brainberry pies and hot cups of joe on her back.
Well, if you say so.
Oh, it's good to me.
Happiness forever!
Hooray!
But then, J.F.
Fred spoke up.
Listen, I've got a dog head at one end and a cat head at the other.
And that's something I've been worried about ever since I ate that tuna fish.
And I had that stick.
But even if that worry goes away, I'm still gonna be a double-headed dog-cat.
And me and Jojo are going to have to figure that out.
But if you're not joyful, asked Zerta, then you'll be worried.
How could you possibly do that to yourself?
I won't be worried.
I will just feel worried.
And then we'll feel sleepy.
Then maybe happy.
After my nappy.
And then curious if there are any crystal balls next door I could smash.
And then sad because I won't let my cat butt smash someone else's crystal balls.
Oh, oh then probably that good kind of bored kind of comfy.
Sitting in the last rays of afternoon sunlight.
Oh yeah, I like that one too.
And ya. when the diner couldn't fit a single more J.F.Cat or JoJo fluffy dog cat?
Oh, don't worry.
It's just me, Zad the Magnificent.
Here to tell all of you that there's a bunch of other cats and dogs playing with my chassis, and one of them uncovered a portal to another dimension.
Oh, what dimension?
Oh, yeah, I'm feeling curious.
I like that view.
It was the strangest thing.
Broke open the snow globe, and suddenly I heard a question from the sky.
Hello, my name is Amos.
I am 10 years old.
I live in North Carolina.
And my question is, what if there was a parallel universe that only had J.F.
Cass and Fred the Dogs dressed up as chickens?
Bye, thank you.
I love your show.
Yes, I got.
You're telling me?
There's a portal to a dimension of JFK to confront the dogs.
But we're all dressed up as chickens?
Well, that's a really strange part.
There's just a bunch of empty chicken costumes floating around.
Oh, outcome before cause.
Amos' what-if question was predicting the future.
That could very well be true.
So I invite you to all promptly get out of my dimension. and stop breaking my stuff.
Yeah, sweeties, I wouldn't mind that either, if I'm being honest.
Okay, I'd just like a few more slices of pie for the road.
But I thought you didn't like the pie.
I wanted to play practical jokes on the other JF cats in the chicken dimension.
Oh, of course.
No, said Zerta, her lips starting to furl up, revealing sharp canines.
I think Y'all have overstayed your welcome.
Ooh, what was that feeling?
Oh, dear.
Did someone break the glass case that contains her magic bear claw donut?
Unfortunately.
And did someone else eat said donut?
Like I'm not gonna eat a bear claw donut off the slimy ground.
Oh, dear.
Zerger should be having her feelings back now.
And in fact, I'm feeling pretty worried about that.
Now we should probably admit that we broke everything else in your store.
Including my magic chopstick.
Plus some kind of shrink ray.
Oh well, there are gonna be a lot of undead, having a lot of feelings for the first time in a hundred years or so.
And they'll all be very welcoming because we freed them from their curse.
I mean, eventually.
I don't know about you dogs and cats and dog cats, but that chicken costume universe is looking real good to me right now.
Oh, you agree?
This is a catastrophe.
Just be happy that you can feel afraid of all these spooky undead creatures.
Yeah, all to flee for your lives.
Maybe one more, Tipper Joe.
Okay, forget it.
Just for the record, we're not actually going to hurt you.
We're just grappling with some big feelings right now.
And as the portal to the parallel universe where JFK and Fred the Dog were dressed up as chickens.
Began to close, Fred's tongue shot out to grab the last slice of brainberry pie.
I really should have asked them to pay up front.
Thank you, bud.
I'm sure we'll be back if someone asks the right what-if question.
The end.
Oh my goodness.
Amos, Everett, and Reagan, thank you for your questions.
I hope you all enjoyed your story.
Can you think of any benefits to having only one feeling?
What might be bad or dangerous about it?
When you really let yourself experience a feeling, how long does it usually take before that feeling starts to change?
We have a practice at our home where after a good cry, we try to walk and feel at the same time.
Maybe little bits of that original feeling are still with us, but that won't stop us from living our lives.
How do you express your big feelings at home?
And how does your grown-up help you when you're feeling stuck?
Talk to your grown-up, and who knows?
It might inspire your next what-if question.
Or maybe you'll just ask something about zombies or cats and dogs dressed up like chickens or a dog-cat, with a dog head on one end and a cat head at the other.
And whatever your idea is, you can get your grown-up's permission to email hello at whatifworldpodcast.com share a picture of your artwork an audio recording of your voice or just a write-in of your questions we can't wait to hear from you you can also support our show by going to what if world podcast dot com slash support for ad free episodes released early monthly bonus content and more or you can just leave a kind rating and review wherever you listen.
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, my producer, Miss Lynn Craig Martinson for our theme song, and all you kids at home who know that no feeling is forever.
And until we meet again, keep wondering.
