As a senior manager communicating in English, at times you need to be direct and other times you need to be diplomatic.
In this episode, I'm going to share with you different ways to say exactly the same thing, to help you feel more confident to use the right one in the right situation.
Let's crack on.
Hello and welcome back to Confident Business English.
My name is Anna.
I'm a neuro language coach.
I'm from the UK and I'm based in Madrid.
I coach senior managers like you every single day from all around the world.
And this really is the podcast if you're a senior manager working in a company and you want to build your confidence.
Just before we move on, I would really appreciate if you could do a little favour for me.
Don't forget to follow wherever you listen, whether that's on Apple or Spotify.
It does a great help for the podcast to hopefully reach more professionals out there like you who also want to work on their confidence.
So why should you care about this?
Well, I imagine that in your role, you need to be a bit of a chameleon.
At times, you'll need to be direct.
And then at other times, you'll need to be more diplomatic.
But the problem is you probably feel restricted by your vocabulary and you don't have enough range to turn that diplomatic switch on when you really need it, which could lead to issues with people.
Maybe you unintentionally annoy somebody, or a client takes something the wrong way and there's a misunderstanding.
Whatever it is, it could end up affecting the relationship and as a result, of course, you.
Therefore, I strongly encourage you, if this is something that's important for you in your role, that you do take some time to work on it.
The stuff we're going to have a look at today then really is twofold.
First of all, it's going to help you to feel more confident using these phrases when you need them.
Second of all, as kind of a sideline benefit, it's also going to help you understand what your colleagues are trying to say.
You're going to hear me want to get across the same point, but I'm going to do it in different ways.
And you might be like, okay, I get it.
Right.
What they're really saying is X.
Quick caveat before we start, of course.
I am only one person and one speaker of English, so I cannot represent everybody, of course.
And communication styles vary across countries, cultures, personalities and situations.
These examples are common patterns, but they're not the only possible way to say things.
I'm generalizing for the sake of clarity, but I do think that there are some useful takeaways from these generalizations.
And to underline that point again, I'm not saying that being direct or being diplomatic is better or worse.
They're just different tools that you can use in different situations.
How this is going to work, then I'm going to give you some different contexts, very specific for your type of role, that you'll probably come across in your day-to-day work.
I'll give you a set of examples that go from direct to more diplomatic, and I'll go into detail about why that's the case and give you an opportunity to practice as well, out loud or in your head, wherever you are.
The first situation then is timing.
If something is taking too long.
You've been there, you can imagine a situation.
You're in your head, you're in a meeting and you're like, oh my goodness, we need to move forward.
What can I say?
Let's go from the most direct to most diplomatic or least direct, you could say.
I'm going to say them all together and I'm going to leave a little gap afterwards so that you can repeat the sentence.
Let's start with the most direct one.
This is taking too long.
We need to move on.
Now, if we move to something more in the middle.
I believe we're running out of time, so let's move on.
Next.
Sorry, guys, but I'm really conscious of time.
Perhaps we should move on?
And finally, one option that could be considered more diplomatic.
Excuse me, could I interrupt?
I believe the meeting is due to finish in 10 minutes.
What about the first sentence was more direct?
Well, it's a direct statement of the problem.
This is taking too long.
We need to.
We're not trying to soften the message.
There's no, I'm sorry, could we?
No, we're just getting straight down to the point.
It's urgent.
It's a little bit blunt.
It could be perceived as dismissive.
But again, it totally depends on the context.
There's always a time and a place for it.
In the second option, we've got that let's phrase, which is a suggestion.
That is a great way to move the conversation along, because it's less confrontational, but you're still directing the conversation.
In the third option, you would have heard me then insert something like an apology at the beginning.
I'm sorry.
That, of course, softens the interruption.
That phrase, I'm really conscious of time.
It's almost like a personal responsibility.
So you're not blaming other people, even though it's absolutely their fault.
And then that perhaps, you know, you're hedging it.
You're like, well, maybe, maybe we should move on.
It's like, no, we absolutely should move on.
But I framed it like a question and listened to my intonation.
Perhaps we should move on.
My intonation is rising, which makes it sound like more of a suggestion.
It's more friendly.
It's more collaborative.
Again, you may find that that's the option you want to go for, depending on the meeting.
The last option.
Then we've got that polite interruption.
Excuse me that question with the modal.
Could I interrupt?
I believe the meeting is due to finish in 10 minutes.
You're not giving any actual instructions.
You're just making an observation, which then, of course, lets the group come to the conclusion that, oh yeah, actually we're finishing in 10 minutes, so we should probably wrap up.
Extremely non-threatening and can be considered highly respectful if you ever were in those types of situations where you really didn't feel it was comfortable or appropriate to be more direct.
Moving on, different context.
Let's talk about feedback, because as a senior manager, you have to give feedback to lots of different people your team, other departments, your peers.
Let's go from direct to diplomatic.
And again, I'll leave that space afterwards so you can practice out loud.
In terms of backstory, we're talking about a piece of work that the team has done to include in a presentation the following day.
And you are not happy with it.
Let's just put it that way.
Most direct option.
This isn't good enough.
We can't present it tomorrow.
Next.
I'm not sure whether we can present this tomorrow.
I think it still needs work.
Next John, I can see you've put a lot of effort into this, but I think we might need to present something else tomorrow.
Finally, what could be considered the most diplomatic
John, I really appreciate all your work on this.
I'm just a bit concerned it may not be ready for tomorrow.
So our first option, it's not good enough.
I mean, we're getting straight to the point.
It's an absolute judgment and I'm also directly rejecting it.
I'm saying we can't present it.
There's no subjectivity.
It sounds like a fact.
It's not an opinion.
No empathy language or recognition of effort.
This could potentially risk the other person being defensive or demotivating.
But again, you have to judge the situation.
It depends on the context.
Sometimes direct things have to be said.
Secondly, once you start moving into a more diplomatic world, then we're using some of that uncertainty framing
I'm not sure whether.
It's like, no, I'm absolutely sure that we can't present this tomorrow.
But again, you've got to play the game a little bit.
I think makes it sound like an opinion rather than a fact.
We're also focusing on the work, not the person.
I think it still needs work, not I think you still need to do work on it.
Small shift, different feel.
We're still getting across the constructive criticism, but we're keeping it professional at the same time.
Then as we move up further, we're getting into those, you know, typical recognition phrases.
I can see you've put a lot of effort into this, a lot of empathy, some validation in there.
It still sounds like an opinion rather than fact, I think.
And then one of the ways that we reduce the impact of the sentence is we say we might need to present something else.
Maybe might need to, even though in your head you're thinking well, this is, I don't know what we're going to do, we have to present something else.
But again, maybe in this situation you don't feel that's the best approach, because they might get defensive or they might get demotivated.
The final one then we've got that strong, appreciative sentence.
I really appreciate all your work on this.
And really don't overlook that phrase, because it seems very simple, but it works wonders in these types of situations.
We're softening it after because we're like, I'm just a bit concerned.
Even though in your head you're thinking, no, I'm really concerned about this actually.
You know, just a bit concerned.
It may not be ready for tomorrow.
Again, we're bringing in those modal verbs to make it more uncertain and not like it's 100% fact.
By doing that, we're avoiding blaming them, using kind of that language around failure.
Like it's not good enough, we can't present this.
And hopefully helps that conversation be less confrontational, which could be exactly what you need in the situation that you have.
By the way, as I said at the beginning, this also helps you to understand your colleagues, right?
Because maybe somebody said something like this to you and they're like well, you know, I'm just a bit concerned.
It might not be ready for tomorrow.
And you're thinking, you know, it's not a big deal.
I'm sure it will be fine.
But actually it may be not guaranteed, but it may be actually.
They're trying to get across to you that no no no, we really do need to change this.
And I'm pretty concerned about it.
Last one, let's have a look at a very common situation that you might find yourself in, which is essentially rejecting an idea.
Somebody comes to you.
They're really excited.
They're like, oh, great.
And you're like, yeah, I'm not sure actually this is the best way forward.
Or maybe you're just like, this is an awful idea.
How do you communicate that?
Let's go from direct to diplomatic.
Pause after the sentence so that you can repeat it.
Most direct.
No, I don't like that.
It's not right for this.
Next.
That could be an option, but I'm not sure whether it's exactly right for this.
Finally, what could be considered the most diplomatic or least direct option?
OK, I mean, it could have legs, but perhaps we should discuss it further next week.
By the way, when I say that something has legs, if it's an idea, we're like, it could work.
You know, like a little idea is like a little table.
And if it has legs, well, that doesn't quite work, does it?
Because tables don't walk.
Okay, the idea is the person.
And if they have legs, they can walk and they can move forward.
That was a terrible analogy.
So sorry.
Anyway, you'll probably remember it now, though, won't you?
Anyway, what were we doing there?
The first one was, no, I don't like it.
So immediate rejection, personal dislike, absolute judgment.
It's not right for this.
No softeners, no politeness markers, just right in there.
Could be necessary.
Could be right for the situation.
Or you might actually shut down ideas by doing that.
It could be demotivating.
Who knows?
It depends.
Then we start to move into that softer could might be an option and listen again to that uncertainty framing.
I'm not sure whether, I'm not sure whether it's right for this.
In your head, you're like, I'm absolutely sure it's not right.
But, you know, as I said before, you don't want to shut them down.
You don't want them to feel like they can't come to you with any more ideas.
Finally, the most diplomatic option is where we even entertain that it could be a good idea, even though we know that it's not.
It could have legs.
Yeah, you know, that's a good suggestion.
And great.
Thanks so much.
Why don't we pick it up next week?
You're delaying having a more difficult conversation.
It sounds like a more polite suggestion.
And it may be just that you want to move on.
You're like, I don't really want to talk about this right now.
So let me just, yeah, we'll do that next week.
Let's pick it up.
Sounds good.
And we can deal with that later.
So you're joining that praise, which is okay.
It could have legs with a very clear suggestion of the follow-up.
Let's pick it up next week.
All right, let's leave it there as an action for you to take away, because this podcast is supposed to nudge you to take action.
Write down one of the phrases that you'd like to try out and put it into practice this week.
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Thanks again for squeezing in your business English training with me here on Confident Business English.
And I will see you again, same time, same place next week.
Bye-bye.
