This new year, why not let Audible expand your life by listening?
Explore over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts and exclusive Audible originals that'll inspire and motivate you.
I've been listening to Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss.
Listening on Audible can help you reach the goals you set for yourself.
Start listening today when you sign up for a free 30 -day trial at audible .com forward slash purpose or text purpose to 500 500 that's audible .com forward slash purpose or text purpose to 500 500 so i have a question for the guys out there does the phrase skincare routine make you think too much work
yeah i thought so and i used to feel the same way but that's why you need a grooming hack like Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub.
I mean this exfoliates, cleanses, and moisturizes in one step.
It's the ultimate skincare hack.
Your skin will look and feel better and you don't have to work hard to make it happen.
Just add the new Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub into your shower and give your skin a boost.
The battlefield is set.
The stakes are high.
The only thing standing between you and victory Nothing.
Ascend to the pinnacle of gaming greatness with Lenovo Legion.
Laptops, towers, and the new award -winning Legion Go, the world's first officially licensed handheld powered by Steam OS.
Legion relentlessly pushes gaming technology forward with towers built for raw, untamed power.
Laptops with best -in -class AI tuning that sharpen your reflexes.
And the Legion Go, a handheld for serious gaming on the go.
Stay ahead with lightning -fast responsiveness on a stunning 16 -inch PureSight display.
Keep your cool with cold front thermal technology engineered for marathon sessions.
And with all -day battery life, the game never stops until you say so.
So check out Lenovo .com slash Legion.
Lenovo, Lenovo. Empowering creators everywhere.
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour.
For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person.
Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests.
It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
we'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth spark learning and build real connections i can't wait to meet you there are a limited number of vip experiences for a private q a intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos tickets are on sale now head to jshetty dot me forward slash
tour and get yours today break the patterns your brain links routines to them.
If you change your routine, you will change the attachment.
Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment.
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty. He won, the only Jay Shetty.
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose.
It's your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so happy, so grateful that you've joined me today.
this episode is dedicated to anyone who's struggling with a breakup if you or your friend has gone through a recent breakup and even though you're putting on a brave face or they're putting on a brave face you know this has affected you it's affected them this episode is for you and them if you're someone
who is scared of breaking up because of what might come this episode is for you.
And if you're someone who just got broken up with, and you're trying to figure out what healing looks like, whether it's possible, what are the things that are about to come your way, this episode is for you.
I really want you to use this episode as a map, as a guideline, to create your own reinvention, to create your own rejuvenation, and to create your own comeback.
I really believe that this episode will give you ideas, insights, ways in which you can apply to see how to use this as a transformative experience.
These moments in our lives come at us hard and fast.
They hit us really hard and they affect all areas of our life.
And often when we're going through a breakup we really feel like there will be no better day there is no light at the end of the tunnel we can often experience this but this episode is here to remind you not only will you rise but you will rise stronger better and more resilient i also want to make
this episode extremely practical and tactical for you so write down notes whether you're using your phone or whether you're writing down in your journal.
And make sure you come back to this one as well.
So the first thing I want to set you is this idea called a 30 -day no contact reinvention challenge.
Instead of just avoiding contact, I want you to actively reinvent yourself each day.
The reason why breakups hurt so much is because we feel parts of ourself are lost, broken, or gone forever.
And when we realize that actually we're not trying to hold on to what was there, we're trying to rebuild from what's left.
We're looking at what has been left behind and what we can do with that, not what we once had.
So I'm going to break this down into five -day experiences.
Because often what we think about is we hear things like, time will heal all wounds.
That's not untrue. I actually think that is true.
But here's the thing.
We need to make it smaller.
We need to make it more measurable.
We need to make it more actionable?
Does time mean 6 months, 12 months, 3 months?
So I'm going to give you a 30 -day no contact reinvention challenge.
Day 1 to 5. Potentially the most difficult, hardest, painful days.
You just broke up with them.
They just broke up with you.
This is the time that you're most likely to run back to them or they're most likely to try and get you back or they're most likely to ignore you and you really want them back.
Day 1 to 5 will be the hardest days you experience.
Here's what you do.
Delete messages. Remove reminders.
Block social media.
Create a breakup -free digital space.
It's so needed. It's so, so needed.
And a big part of this is something I call the anti -ritual disruption.
You had a ritual with this person that started to feel like your life.
You always texted them goodnight.
You always got a good morning message from them.
You always went out to coffee together on Saturday, Sundays for brunch Break those patterns Purge, delete the messages, remove the reminders Block, mute, break up free digital space And break the patterns of those rituals If you always texted them goodnight Text someone else goodnight A friend, a family
member Someone who's always been there for you Someone who's always around Someone that you may not even remember that often Send them a goodnight message You used to go with them Every Saturday to get a coffee Every Sunday to get brunch Change your coffee shop Change your brunch spot I don't really
It doesn't matter how much you loved that place Or how amazing it was Change the memory Break the pattern Take yourself out for coffee go out with someone else for brunch switch the pattern up one of the biggest mistakes we make is we stay in the same pattern wanting to get rid of something it is pretty
impossible to remove an emotional feeling from a physical place if that physical place mattered to you both break the patterns your brain links routines to them if you change your routine you will change the attachment.
Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment.
Now, it is true. We kind of want to feel close to it.
There's a part of us that secretly even enjoys the fact that that place mattered to us.
We still go there. We have some feelings.
I get it. But we have to purge day one to five.
Day six to 10, body reset.
Change something physical.
Maybe you're going to change a new hairstyle, a fitness routine, a sleep schedule.
We're going back to breaking patterns, but we're breaking patterns of our own.
So the first half was breaking patterns from the relationships.
Day one to five. You used to message them, you mess with someone else.
Day six to 10, you're breaking your own patterns.
A new fitness routine, a new sleep schedule, a new hairstyle, whatever it may be that works for you.
The reason why we want to break things so quickly and organically as well, of course, it has to be things you want to do, is because you're shifting and moving.
We're not used to change, especially when you're relationships when you get into a long -term relationship or an invested relationship routines are at the heart of that relationship rituals are at the heart of that relationship the quicker you shift your rituals and routines the quicker you change your
memories of that relationship too many of us stay in the same physical state we don't do a body reset we stay in the same place for a long, long time.
It's one of the reasons why Revenge Body, which I'm not encouraging, I encourage you to work out for yourself and your own health, but a reason why that idea makes sense, because you're getting active, you're shifting something about yourself, but ideally do it for yourself.
Day 11 to 15 is a social reset.
Reach out to three old friends or make a new connection.
By day 11 to 15, you're going to want to text that ex.
You might even have been strong up until now, and now you can't bear it.
It's not harder than the first five days.
It's harder than it felt in those first five days to not message them.
You get pulled back into that old habit.
So I'm going to give you what I call the five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out.
This is called the five text rule.
Before you text your ex, send five texts.
One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family member, one to yourself.
Yep, literally text yourself, and five, one to a new connection.
By the end of that, the urge usually passes because you've created five conversations.
Now you may message your friend and your friend's not available.
So usually you'd message your friend and then you'd go message your ex, especially if you asked your friend, hey, should I message my ex?
Don't make the conversation about your ex.
Make it about something else.
Message your friend and ask them what they're doing later.
What are they doing this weekend?
How's their day going?
Ask them questions about them.
Shift the energy from your problems to helping them.
Too many of us will reach out to everyone in our life and only talk about our problems.
Hey, I really need to talk to you.
I'm really struggling with this.
Hey, I just need to talk about my ex.
Hey, I think I should take them back.
Hey, I really want to message them.
What should I do? You use the people that are trying to help you to solve the situation about the person who hurt you.
Make it about that person.
Help them, support them, be there for them.
Ask them how their day's going.
You will get out of your own head.
So send a message to a friend and don't make it, hey, should I text my ex?
Second, someone you admire.
Maybe a professor or maybe a DM to someone online, whatever it may be, just someone you look up to.
And again, make it separate from the conversation.
One to a family member.
I promise you there's a family member in your life who loves you, who supports you, who's there for you, and you forgot about them.
During that relationship, you ignored them, you disconnected for them, and you don't need to do that.
Send a message to that person.
Number four, send a message to yourself.
It's a great place to store your thoughts.
Often we try and solve our thoughts in our head.
Pretty difficult to do that.
It's almost like when you think about it, there's a courtroom and then there's a jury room, right?
In the courtroom, the jury room listens, but they go to the jury room to make a decision.
You need to have a conversation with yourself in text form in the jury room.
Your mind's like the courtroom where you think you have to make the big decisions, where you think you have to solve everything.
But that's not true.
You need to be able to go to a jury room to discuss it, to think about it, to reflect.
And the courtroom is just the place you announce the decision.
Notice that distinction is huge, right?
Often we're just having conversations in our head.
Should I stay with them?
Should I text them?
Should I take them back?
What should I do? And you're almost trying to make this big decision in the courtroom.
Text yourself. Build a log of how you feel different at different times.
How do you really feel about that person?
And I'll come back to that point.
But what do you really think?
What do you really believe?
The courtroom, your mind, is a place to listen, is a place to absorb.
It's there. But the decision is made in the jury room and announced in the courtroom.
When you've taken out that personal time to reflect, to introspect, to think.
You can come back to your mind, and whenever your mind says, let's text them, you go, no, we thought about this.
I'm going to text five people first.
The five -text rule for breaking the urge to reach out is a game changer.
One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family friend, one to yourself, and fifth, to a new connection.
could be someone you're networking with a community member obviously if it's brand new ideally not someone you're dating but if you're further down the line it could be that and all of a sudden you've started five conversations and here's what you learn through this you start to learn that there is more
connection out there than you actually believe there is more love out there than you actually believe there is more support out there than you actually believe let me say that again.
You have to remember that there is more love in your life than you believe.
You have more support in your life than you believe.
And you have more people rooting for you than you believe.
The problem is you've learned to believe that there's only one person who can love you perfectly.
You've learned to believe that there's only one person who knows what you need.
You have trained yourself to believe that there's only one person who can satisfy you.
And when you text five people, you start recognizing that's just not true.
There are so many people who understand you.
There are so many people who care about you.
There are so many people who value you and you have to experience it.
You can't just remind yourself.
You can't just talk yourself through it.
You actually have to practice it.
And when you get messages back from your friend, someone you admire, a family member, yourself, you're not going to get a text back from, but you now have that jury room, courtroom breakdown.
And finally, a person maybe that you're networking with, a community member, someone you're dating, all of a sudden you realize you always had that value.
We have to unlearn this idea that there's only one person who knows how to love you, that there's only one person who knows how to help you.
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
Our super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea ashwagandha acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar
and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
So visit drinkjuni .com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order.
That's drinkjuni .com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE.
I'll be honest, managing money has always been something I've had to stay mindful about.
It feels like everywhere you turn, someone's trying to make you spend.
That's where Acorns comes in.
Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future.
You don't need to be an expert.
Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals.
You don't need to be rich.
Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change.
Sign up now and join the over 13 million all -time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns.
Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment.
Offer available at acorns .com forward slash purpose.
That's A -C -O -R -N -S dot com forward slash P -U -R -P -O -S -E to get your $20 bonus investment today.
Paid non -client endorsement, compensation provides incentive To positively promote Acorns Tier 6 compensation provided Investment involves risk Acorns Advisors LLC And SEC Registered Investment Advisor View important disclosures At acorns .com forward slash purpose Homowners if you want to sell your
house fast For all cash Stop what you are doing And listen to this Because Osborne Homes Wants to buy your house right now I'm Alec from Osborne Homes And we want to buy your house Nobody buys more homes in California Than Osborne Whether it's a total fixer -upper Or in perfect condition Osborne Homes
is the easiest way to sell your house fast all cash.
Best of all, when you sell your house to Osborne Homes, there are zero commissions, zero fees, plus no banks, no realtors, no repairs, and no waiting to close.
We buy your house as is all cash.
Just go to OsborneHomes .com right now to get your free, no obligation, all cash offer.
We are here and ready to buy your house 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Just go to OsborneHomes .com.
Go to OsborneHomes .com right now.
Don't wait, sell your house to osborne homes and put the cash in your pocket right away just go to osbornehomes .com that's osbornehomes .com osbornehomes .com osbornehomes .com hi this is jenny garth from i do part two who do you know on ozimpic or semaglutide right now everyone right these game -changing
weight loss meds are everywhere and future health makes it easy to get started Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes at tryfh .com.
Future Health is not a healthcare services provider.
Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion.
Results may vary, sponsored by Future Health.
Day 16 to 20 is called the mind shift.
Notice how we went body, people, mind, right?
So we started with the purge.
So we kind of blocked out everything we didn't want in, but then we started with the body because it's great to feel shift in the body.
Then we went to the people around us and now we do the mind.
So what we often do with the mind is we just listen to love songs.
We watch our favorite romantic movies and guess what?
You sit there and you cry and you eat ice cream.
And by the way, there's nothing wrong with any of that.
That's okay if you want to do that.
But when you're ready, this is the 30 days that's going to change it for you.
The no love songs, no sad movies detox.
Cut out all breakup music and movies for 30 days when you're ready to really get over this breakup, right?
This 30 days may come three months after you break up.
For some of you, it may come immediately after you break up.
For some people, it may come six years after you break up.
But these 30 days have to happen at some point.
Replace them with uplifting, neutral, or empowering content.
Start a new book. Listen to a new podcast.
Maybe you're listening to this one right now for that reason.
Start a new course, a masterclass.
flood your brain with new ideas it's time to change your mind now why did we go body, people, mind?
because if you try and do this one first it's really hard when you've already shifted your body you're feeling a new state right we all know the feeling when we change something physical because we live in our physical selves it changes everything for us right when you change your hairstyle you almost
are surprised every time you look in the mirror when you change your workout routine you're more surprised about the energy you feel.
When you change your environment, like the color of a room, you feel different.
So we want to change physical states first, then the people around us, then our mind.
A lot of us try and do the mind shift first, and it doesn't work, right?
It doesn't work. And this works wonders.
This mind shift fuels you with so many different ideas.
And a good thing you can add to this is something I call the reverse bucket list.
Instead of listing things you want to do, list things you never want to do or repeat in a relationship, right?
We're used to writing down all the things we want to do before we die.
List all the things you never want to do again in a relationship.
And use this as a guide when you start dating again.
So you don't just heal, but you upgrade.
I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make.
People are just trying to get over their ex.
We're just trying to move on, but we're not upgrading.
And I think when you choose to say, hey, this is what I'm never going to do again.
I'm never going to fall fast.
I'm never just going to give up my trust.
I'm never just going to hand them, you know, whatever it is that you made mistakes on.
And again, you don't want these things to be extreme.
You want them to be real.
And you may edit them, you may review them, and you may change them over time.
But it's great to start with a reverse bucket list.
I want to go back to that idea about a new identity for a second.
It's so important that if your Sunday routine used to involve snuggling up to a movie, make Sundays your workout and meal prep day.
The goal is all about erasing patterns and building new ones.
That doesn't mean you'll never go back to that park.
It doesn't mean you'll never go back to that restaurant that you loved, right?
That's not the point I'm making.
The point I'm making is that we need to shift pattern.
We need to edit pattern as quickly as possible, right?
We have to do that.
Another thing that usually happens by this date is there are things you want to say to that person, right?
By this point, you've reflected, you've thought about it.
And now you're like, wait a minute, there's stuff I want to say to that person that I never got to say.
And sometimes it's an excuse to just get back in touch, feel a bit of, you know, interest again.
A lot of the time, it's just a painful point that you never got closure from them.
So what you want to do in this regard is create a private note or text thread where you vent instead of texting them.
So you're not texting yourself.
You're now texting them, but it's not going to them.
You're not pressing send.
Every time you feel an emotional wave, type out what you'd say to them, but don't send it.
And you can read it back later, see how fast your emotions shift.
And this helps you break the illusion that they are the solution to your feelings.
You believe that they're the ones to give you closure.
This process makes you realize that you're the only person who can give you closure.
What this evolves into is something I call the reverse closure letter that you never send.
Write a letter from your future healed self to your present self.
It could sound like this.
I know this hurts now, but trust me, it will all make sense.
you'll be grateful for this in the future this will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you and you can read this every time you doubt yourself I hope that this is helping I hope it's resonating I hope it's connecting I want you to find one or two things in it that really move the needle
for you that really help you and a few quick ways to think about it is the opposite day technique.
If you feel like isolating, make yourself go out.
If you feel like crying in bed, make yourself journal.
The goal is to retrain your nervous system so that you're not just sinking into emotional autopilot.
The opposite day technique is one of my favorite ways because it shifts you out of your thing.
And that's really what we're talking about here.
What we're talking about with all of this is how can you quickly shift yourself?
Not to make things better, not to negate your feelings, not to neglect how you feel, but to put yourself in a position of strength of being able to actually deal with this in a healthy way.
Day 21 to day 25, adventure mode.
Do something you've never done before, right?
It's fun. It's exciting.
Set up a solo date night, set up an activity night, whatever you want to do with some friends, find people that you want to do interesting things with that you've never done before.
All of a sudden you realize your life is filled with more adventure than you ever thought.
And day 26 to day 30 is reflection.
In the reflection phase, I want you to set a 90 -day reminder.
Mark a date 90 days from today on your calendar.
Write down where you want to be emotionally.
One new skill, hobby, or milestone you will have accomplished or worked towards.
And then in 90 days, you have something to look at.
Something to look at how far you've come, something to look at how far you've broken.
And remember when you thought you'd never get over this.
Look at you now. Now, healing isn't linear.
You'll have moments where you go back and forth, but it will blow your mind how far you've come.
You have to set a future date from which you can look back at where you are now.
One of my favorite reflections that I've encouraged clients to do in this regard is at one point when you're ready to call what I call is visualizing them as a stranger.
Imagine running into them 10 years from now at a coffee shop.
Picture them as just some person, no emotional charge, no judgment, just neutral.
It tricks your brain into fast forwarding the healing process and reducing emotional intensity.
Now you can't rush to that, but it's a really great way of realizing that one day, right now there's all these emotions, there's all this pain, there's all this stress, which you're allowed to feel.
One day you won't feel it.
Not in the same intensity at least.
And another thing that's really helped me is what I call removing the storyline.
Take a brutally honest inventory of the relationship's worst moments.
Look at the facts. Did they make you feel insecure?
Did you have to shrink yourself and reframe it.
You didn't lose them.
You freed yourself, right?
You didn't lose them.
You actually became free.
And I think to so many of us, that's what we're trying to recognize is that in some way, somewhere, deep down, we know, you know that this is actually going to be good for you it's just that we're holding so strongly onto the idea and then if all of that doesn't work here's my favorite change their
contact name or delete it but if you don't change it save their name as do not text or call that simple reminder will block you when you're about to do something remove the shared google photo access mute and block on spotify venmo anywhere that it may come up because all it is is a trigger Instagram TikTok
all it is is a trigger and you don't have to be strong enough to not be triggered I think a lot of us think well I'm not weak I can still see them and not be affected we are that weak all of us are sent back right down nostalgia lane, memory lane, and that's where we go.
Give it a moment. I really hope this helps.
I really hope this supports you.
Let me know who you shared this with.
I really believe that these techniques will help you through a breakup.
Thank you for trusting me with your time.
Remember, I'm always in your corner and forever rooting for you.
Thanks for listening, and I really, really can't wait for you to listen to another episode.
Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating.
If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands.
It's really hard to argue.
It actually calms your nervous systems.
just hold hands as you're having the conversation.
It's so lovely. This is Jenny Garth from I Do Part Two.
Everyone's talking about GLP -1s like Ozempic, Semaglutide.
With Future Health, you can find out if they're right for you too.
Just go to tryfh .com, that's tryfh .com and find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes.
Future Health is not a healthcare services provider.
meds are prescribed at provider's discretion.
Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health.
If you want jazz music, go to New Orleans, Bagels, New York.
And for psychics, think California psychics.
You want the best, you go to the best.
At California Psychics, home of free spirits and open minds, we know better than anyone what makes a good psychic.
That's why we guarantee if your reading isn't life -changing, it's free.
Visit CaliforniaPsychics .com and experience the joy of certainty.
California Psychics.
This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat.
Here's BetterHelp head of clinical operations Hess -Hugh Joe, discussing who can benefit from therapy.
I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're having panic attacks every day, But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be
a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody.
There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people.
So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.
Find out if therapy is right for you.
Visit BetterHelp .com today.
That's BetterHelp .com.
